Anon fights a german

by kiwipanzer

Rating: teen
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Profanity, Violence, Slice of Life, Human, Main 6, Anon, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other, Fluttershy
Length: 1846

Another human has arrived in Equestria, and Anon is convinced they're a Nazi

After turning back time, Anon returns to Ponyville to find another human, but something is off about them.

Published 2024-08-29 01:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2024-08-29 23:42:16 UTC

Welcome to Equestria, kommandant

Anon walked into Ponyville, where he noticed Twilight Sparkle and the Elements Of Harmony all gathered around something and talking. However, he was too tired to care due to having just travelled through time, so he just kept on walking towards the Ponyville library, where he was staying with Twilight and Spike.

"Anon, wake up."

"UUUUHHHH!"

"Anon, wake up, it's urgent!"

"Leave me alone Mom!"

"ANON!"

"AAHH!" Anon sat up in his bed (a couch with a blanket), jolted awake by someone screaming his name, looking to his left, he saw Twilight Sparkle, a look of excitement on her face. "What is it?" Anon asked, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"We found another human!" Anon froze, turning to Twilight.

"Where."

As Anon and Twilight walked up towards Fluttershys cottage, Anon couldn't stop thinking about who this human could be. it could be a crusader, it could be Joan of Arc, it could be the President, it could be Mike, who kicked Anon in the balls and stole his wallet back in High school, it could be Emma, Anon's crush from middle school, it could be anyone, from any time.

While Anon went into a spiral, Twilight was caught off guard by the sound of singing coming from the cottage, as they got closer, Twilight could start making out the words, Although they didn't sound like any words she'd heard before.

The singing snapped Anon back to reality(ope, there goes gravity), this was a human song, this was a German song, this was a marching song from Nazi germany, meaning the human could be one of two things, a historian, or a Nazi.

As Anon and Twilight reached the door, it opened from inside, revealing a figure Anon analyzed warily. the figure was a human, with blue eyes and short brown hair combed over neatly. Their face, donned with a round scar on the temple, gave Anon a sense of deja vu, but he couldn't figure out why. The figure wore a tan trench coat over brown dress pants and black dress shoes.

"You must be Anon," the figure stated through a German accent. "your friends have told me all about you, please, come in, come in."

"What's your name?" Anon asked the new human, curiosity and venom hinted in his voice.

"Ah yes, my n-name," The human says, nervously. "my name is, Uhm, Hans, Hans... Hichler." Anon raises an eyebrow, before asking another question.

"Where are you from 'Hans'?" Venom, plain in Anon's voice.

"W-w-w-where am I f-from?" Hans stammered out, clearly nervous. "I-I-I'm f-from"

"THATS ENOUGH ANON!" Twilight called out. "I don't know why you're interrogating Hans but he is our friend and you are being quite rude to him."

"You don't understand," Anon replied. "Hans is a"

"I DON'T CARE WHAT HANS IS," Twilight yelled back. "HE IS OUR FRIEND SO YOU CAN EITHER START BEING NICE TO HIM OR GET OUT!"

Anon sat there, dumbfounded, he had never heard Twilight this angry before, let alone alone at him.

Not knowing what to do, Anon stood up and left, leaving Twilight and Hans alone.

"I'm so sorry about Anon," Twilight apologized to Hans. "I don't know why he acted like that, I swear he isn't normally that rude."

Hans stood there, sweating. That green-skinned freak knew more than he expected.

Meanwhile

Fluttershy hid in her kitchen, while the yelling and arguing was scaring her, the main reason she was hiding was because she didn't like Hans. She didn't know why but whenever she was around Hans, Fluttershy got a bad feeling, like Hans wasn't a good pony.

Anon won't just stop because Twilight Sparkle told him to, he knows that Hans is a Nazi, and Anon just needs evidence to prove it.

So here Anon was, spying on Hans, looking for any gestures, sayings, habits, anything that would prove beyond a doubt, that Hans was a Nazi and Anon was right.

Hans was being shown around Sweet Apple Acres by Applejack, being told about how apple farming works and that if he wants, she can get him a job there. Anon was hiding in a tree with a camera, a pair of binoculars, and his magic backpack, waiting for Hans's facade of 'being a nice person' and 'not being a Nazi' to slip and prove Anon right.

Then, Anon saw it, Hans, with his right arm straight in the air, pointing to the sky, the Hitler salute. Anon Took a photo and ran away, not giving Hans a chance to find him or destroy the camera.

Rarity and Hans were talking inside The Carousel Boutique, while Anon was spying through a window, hiding in another tree. Anon couldn't make out whatever Hans and Rarity were talking about but he was sure it didn't matter so he kept on spying.

several minutes later, Anon was still spying, Hans had left Anon's view with a bundle of clothes given to him by Rarity, and Rarity was standing, looking like she was waiting for something. Then Hans came into view, wearing a grey coat with a large red band with a white circle on his right arm, Anon quickly snapped a picture before climbing down (falling out of) the tree.

Hans and Rainbow Dash were having lunch while Dash answered any questions Hans might have

"So Rainbow Dash," Hans asked. "what kind of drinks do you ponies have?"

"Oh, we have an awesome amount of drinks," Dash replied. " we have cola, lemonade, juice," Hans cringed back at the mention of juice, grabbing Rainbow Dashs attention. "What's wrong dude, do you not like juice?"

"No," Hans replied. "I hate juice."

meanwhile

Anon was sitting in a nearby bush, eating fried chicken from his magic backpack while trying to get his recorder/ listening device working.

As the listener/recorder sputtered to life, Anon pointed it towards Hans and started recording.

"No," Anon heard Hans say through the device. "I hate Jews." Anon quickly stopped recording and scampered off, device in hand.

"Anon, what is so important that you needed all of us here?" Twilight asked, looking at Anon, who was holding a cup of coffee and standing before something covered by white cloth.

"I've called all of you here to prove I was right and that Twilight yelling at me yesterday was uncalled for," Anon stated, drinking from the coffee cup. "BEHOLD, MY GENIUS!" Anon pulled the white cloth away, revealing a whiteboard covered with scribbles and photos.

"You see," Anon lectures. "Hans isn't who he says he is, Hans is a Nazi," Anon pointed to the word Nazi, spelt out in red on the board. "and I have plenty of evidence, now any questions so far?"

"Have you been stalking us?" Rarity asked, looking at the picture of Hans wearing the red armband at The Carousel Boutique.

"Irrelevant," Anon snapped back. "next question"

"W-whats a Nazi?" Fluttershy stammered out, hiding behind everypony else.

"Excellent question," Anon replied. "a Nazi is a type of evil person that kills innocent people and starts wars." Fluttershy shrank back at the explanation.

"What's the evidence?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"The evidence," Anon started. "great question, it all started with the song he was singing at Fluttershy's cottage, that song was a Nazi marching song, and then there was the way he was dressed, his coat had a golden eagle embroidered on the collar, much like the eagle found on nazi helmets and officer hats, then there were the things he did while I was spying on him, first he did the nazi salute," Anon points to the photo he took at Sweet Apple Acres, "then he donned a Nazi armband," Anon then pointed to the photo he took at The Carousel Boutique, "and finally, he said he hates Jews." Anon slaps the recording he got from when Hans and Rainbow Dash had lunch.

"Anon," AppleJack said. "Hans was just reacin' for an apple, not doing some salute." Then Rarity spoke up.

"Darling, Hans was just trying on some clothes I had made for you."

"Yeah dude," Rainbow Dash said. "and Hans was talking about how he hated juice." Anon faced downwards, towards the ground.

"Anon?" Twilight asked sincerely. "Are you okay? D-do you need help?" Anon turned towards Twilight, before speaking in a defeated tone.

"No, I'm just gonna go apologise to Hans." Then Anon walked out the door.

Anon stood there, outside the room Hans was staying in, thinking of the best way to apologise to him. Then Anon remembered his favourite planning strategy, winging it.

"Hey Hans," Anon said, opening the door to Hans's room. "I just wanted to say I'm-" Anon trailed off, shocked by what he saw before him. Hans was standing in front of a mirror, wearing a Nazi officer cap with a brown S.S. trenchcoat and a fake moustache, Anon finally realized why Hans looked familiar.

Hans Hichler was Adolf Hitler.

Anon stood there for some time before finally regaining the ability to speak. "WHAT THE FUCK!" Anon yelled, startling Adolf "YOU'RE ADOLF FUCKING HITLER!"

Adolf quickly turned towards Anon, pointing his gold Walther PP at Anon's head. "You know too much monstrum*," Adolf replied. "and now you will die, and I shall restore the glory of The Third Rei-AAHH!" Adolf fell to the ground in pain with Anon standing over him, holding a comically large spoon.

*freak

Twilight was looking for Anon, she didn't know why he was so obsessed with Hans, but she still cared about Anon and didn't want him to be sad.

As Twilight walked through Ponyville, Anon landed on the ground before her, groaning in pain and holding a large spoon.

"Anon," Twilight yelped. "are you okay?"

"No," Anon groaned, "but I was right." then, Hans walked up to Anon, pointing a strange, golden device at Anon's head.

"you shall die here freak," Adolf spat out. "and the Ayran race will rule supreme!" Anon looked up at Adolf with a smirk.

"You forgot one thing," Anon said, clenching the spoon.

"And what would that be?"

"SACK TAP!" Anon yelled, hitting Hitler full force in the groin with the comically large spoon, making him fall over and drop his gun.

"Anon?" Twilight asked.

'Yeah?"

"WHAT JUST HAPPENED!?"

"And that's why Adolf here," Anon pats Hitler on the head. "is evil, anything else or can I go sleep?"

"This is greatly disturbing," Princess Celestia replied. "I can not let this 'Third Reich' as you called it, reach my little ponies. Rest assured Anon, Adolf shall be banished to Tartarus and you can sleep peacefully."

"Excellent," Anon stated. "well, I'm going to sleep, good night Sunbutt." Anon walked off to the Ponyville library, golden gun and comically large spoon in hand.

In the darkness of Tartarus, the many captured souls were awoken by the gate being opened and a new being thrown into a cage and joining them in the darkness.

"Welcome to Tartarus," a raspy voice cut through the darkness. "What's your name?"

"Hans, Hans Hichler."