Chapter 0: A taste of things to come, continual publishing or not...
Our Life in Heck: True Lives of Righteous Killjoys
This is Justice(3442)
And this is Justice(Helltaker)
And My name is Terezi Pylope.
The Following is true. Names and places have been changed to protect the innocent.. and also avoid this thing called “doxing”.
As many of you know, I’ve just recently got out of a bout of homelessness, punctuated by occasional jail-time, and a stint at the Oregon State Hospital. Additional details: I’m currently not allowed to drive. I’ve been set up so finding employment and other source of income is nigh impossible. And most importantly, I haven’t heard word from my daughter or any information about her state or wearabouts for over two years.
Unfortunately, things have gotten worse. I’ve been given housing, that is, a rent free apartment with very little support from the state, however they’ve elected to evict me based of lies from my housing manager. Just Compassion is not a homeless program that ends in people being housed. It’s an attempt to get trouble makers to commit suicide and for those the state has no use for to be cheaply held as homeless.
This might be the only chapter, I’m afraid. I may only until the 23rd of August (4 days from now) before I’m evicted illegally. No court meeting. No due process. Apparently my housing manager can just lie and enjoy the support of Just Compassion as some sort of authority on housing law.
The truth must be told!
This tale will be told over many parts with people, ponies, demons, sirens, etc… who you know and adore. They will not always be happy situations.
This is before the beginning of the journey. The Zero(0) before, or perhaps, after the NU11.
And Away we go.
Sonata Dusk sighed heavily. “I can’t believe they threw us in a holding cell!”
Justice chuckled, “Again!” Grinning deviously she elbowed Sonata slightly. “Nice call adding ‘they rape people here!’”
Sonata threw her hands in front of her. “I had to add something to ‘I asked for a lawyer.’
“Hehe…” Justice looked down at her shorts. “Nice of them to cut that tight draw-string.”
“Hahahaha! They had to hold up your pants!”
“Yep! Just, like, three guys and a gal escorting someone while holding up their pants through holding.”
“Good god! They looked like idiots! They even had to take us to mug shots.”
“I tried to give a genuine smile this time. Last time they had us I kinda grimaced at the fucking red-jay they have so they can do their goram bird joke.”
Sonata Dusk laughed so hard she just about fell off the…Oops she did fall off the concrete slab onto the ground. Laugh crying…
Justice picked up the golden dragon figure, an Asian dragon with a translucent lilac amethyst and a smokey diamond. “And you get to perch on-top of the Tai-chi on Sunset Shimmer’s sushi wagon.”
Righteousness sighed, “Do you think they’ll take us shopping?”
Justice twerked his lips and thought for a second. “Well… we’re low on a few things and there’s plenty of money on the SNAP card… Let’s ask Buck an Ear instead of Lend Lie.
Righteousness smiled. “Oh yeah, she’ll say ‘yes’ for sure.”
“Hell. We can probably go to-“ turns to face the audience “-Safeway instead of WinCo.”
Righteousness also turned to face the audience. “Yes, that’ll save her gas as we pay for groceries for everyone!”
Nods head up and down, “Indeed. Finally there will be more cans to add some God-oops-G-Damn color to the place.”
Righteousness. “Yep… lets spend the last of the money on some posters so they have more things to steel.”
Nods, “The neighbors will certainly appreciate the unexpected flee market and threats of dog related violence that might befall them.”
“Hopefully we can get soda they don’t have!”
“Oh yeah, sis! They’re tastebuds will delight with something other than the two damn sodas and bulk-red kool-aid and fucking pink lemonade they sugar rush to get through their mandatory FRIENDS marathons.
“Sonata Dusk everyone!” Thad Ghostal introduced as Sonata waved and joined the overjoyed couple on the couch.
“Do they think they’ll invite us to watch TV on the floor with them?!” Sonata asked excitedly.
“Oh, no doubt!” chimed in Righteous “Lend Lie himself said he’d let us know everytime Breaking Bad was on!”
“Hmmm…” Justice hummed hopefully. “Love lounging on the dog pillows.”
Sonata giggled. “I hope Lind Lie tells us that we need to find another place to live soon!”
Righteous “Oh man! Worse Christmas present ever! ‘You need to be out of here in a few months!’”
Justice nodded. “Glad he went out of his way to tell Doom Scroll. He’s been here for years! He definitely needed trauma and not hope on literally, actually the 25th of December Christmas!”
Sonata, “I hope they get you nothing for your birthday, again, this year!”
Justice & Righteous nodded. “It would be an improvement from Christmas.” Both turn to camera. “As in, YES this literally happened to us.”
Jasper Jail-Break Woormwood, his suit crushed velvet and his navy-blue tie well creased, strolled confidently into the courtroom. “My client is a ninny. IT’s not their fault of course. Like so many of you, their brains have been operated on repeatedly since birth.”
Buck An Ear punctuated this statement with a simple, “What?”
Jasper continued, “AS almost non-of-you remember, you all had brothers and sisters. Many of them born roughly the same time as you. The hospital pics, usually the ugliest, to be given to the parents and kills the rest.”
Buck An Ear let out a high-pitched squeak as everyone else went silent. The on-duty officer dropping donut crumbs from his mouth as the voices in his head screamed. “See! I told you we were once real!”
Barny Burns, his coat Vanilla, his bunny-like ears upright and leaning forward towards the top, and his teeth, clicked his tongue against a hole in one of his left teeth. “Whoever moved out this apartment left pictures… books… actual boxed up toys.
Trench Whitaker, trench coat, wide-brimmed black-hat-wearing chocolate lab(rador) shook his head back and forth. “I think they got reverse robbed.”
Needle Dryad Sunset, ‘Burn Life’s House Down’ t-shirt donned above red & black trunks wearing, black-jade scaled beetle, waves her-his hand forward. “No way they were in their right mind when they did this! They left posters on the wall.
(Yeah, the above scene would repeat if I simply left my new apartment… I don’t think I’ll do that.”
Justice, a delightful mix of their blue complected self mixed with ashen tones and pointed hornes, eyes behind huge-dark glasses pointed at the defense attorney. “Alright, you should have called an ‘objection’. Because…” they waited for a response.
Bathmat Wall hesitated and looked nervously from side to side.
Terezi groaned. “Because they’re clearly leading the witness.”
Saul Goodman, “ ‘Leading the Witness’?!’ They were basically asking them to confess!”
Terezi grinned widely, “Confess! Confess!”
Justice added a wicked smile, “Yes! Then I can arrange for more overpriced cases were I flees my clients!”
The judge banged their gavel, “Order, Order!”
Saul sighed, “What is this trial about anyway? A Fellony-B?”
Terezi and Justice glanced at each other like a crow and a raven delighted with the meal that had befallen them via a car’s tire across a once living animal.
After a quick ro-sham-bo that Terezi won, she addressed the court. “Everyone, the most the state can hope to get out of this is $5,000!”
“Oh boy!” said Justice. “So many tires the sherifs can have vulcaniozed!”
Saul laughed heartily, “WHAT?! That’s enough for maybe eight (8) vulcanizations.”
“Good things Judges work for free!” Terezi said.
“ORDER!”
“Oh Good, my EBT balance is lower than it should be.”
“I wish I could steel more things…”
“Oh Great! My EBT balance is twenty-dollars short.”
“I know! I’ll ask the government to steel for me and give me the money stolen from my enemies!”
“Diabolical…”
“Nice. My credit card company decided I needed more debt.”
“I can’t wait for that passive income from charging those people more on the credit bill roles in.”
“Oh great! My bank decided they deserved more money.”
“Oh, shit, oh god… The audits are about to hit. We need… okay… we’ll just skim from the top from… uh… everybody! Everybody!”
“Oops! Looks like another hacker stole all these account numbers and names! Better tell the news!”
“Ching ching ching ching ching ching ching!”
“OH hey! My cell phone bill is arbitrarily higher!”
“Deny me MY Monopoly will they?!”
“Huh… That bus should have stopped… and that last bus should have arrived.”
“…Can’t wait for the police, of which I am one of, to arrest that guy again,” said the bus driver.
