Anon walked down the stairs, looking for something to eat. He went to the kitchen and opened the magical fridge that ran off magic and not electricity. He saw a pudding cup with Twilight's name on it, took it, and went to look for Twilight. He saw Twilight taking a nap on a couch and walked up to her.
"Hey, Twilight, you don't mind if I ate your pudding, right?" Anon got no response from the sleeping pony. He smiled to himself, but as he was about to turn around and walk off, he noticed something. He looked over Twilight, noticing her hooves were tucked under her body all nice and snug. Anon scratched his chin as he began to examine Twilight.
No front hooves, no back hooves, and the tail is fully out. That's a six out of ten loaf in my book. Anon finished his examination but needed a bit more evidence. He leaned into Twilight, listening for a distinct sound, and he heard it. The purple pony was purring. Anon wanted to make sure his assumptions were correct. He went back upstairs into his room, found a book and pen along with a laser pointer he had with him when he came to Equestria and set out to do more experimenting.
Anon made his way to a certain spot in town where he knew a certain pony would be. He saw Rainbow Dash on a cloud, preparing to take a nap as well. He got up to a nearby tree and tried his best to point the laser at her pillow to get her attention.
Rainbow noticed a red dot on her pillow as she was about to take her daily nap. "What in the world is that?" Rainbow tried to wipe the thing off her pillow, but it was still there. She tried again, and this time it was gone, but it had now moved to another spot on her pillow. She tried to wipe the whole pillow down, but it was still there. Rainbow's annoyance began to increase as the red dot started to spell something out in the shape of letters.
L O S E R
Rainbow's annoyance now turned to anger as the red dot was mocking her. "OH, I AM A LOSER, HUH?! WELL, LET'S SEE YOU TAKE THIS!" Rainbow began to furiously attack her pillow. If anyone else had walked by and saw her doing this, they would certainly think that she had rocketed to insanity or something.
Rainbow stopped as she heard someone call her name. "What in Equestria's name are ya doing, Rainbow?" Rainbow stopped and looked over her pillow one last time to see that the red dot was gone.
"HAHAHAH, YEAH, TAKE THAT!" Rainbow smiled as she looked down to see Applejack staring up at her. "Oh, hi, Applejack. Don't worry, I was trying to get rid of—" Rainbow became dead silent as she saw the dot again on a nearby building, spelling out "loser" again.
"I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO GET THAT THING!" Rainbow yelled as she pointed to the house.
"You mean that red thing over there?" Rainbow nodded as she sprang from her cloud and tried to hit the dot. The dot would just move out of the way. "IT HAS BEEN MOCKING ME! AND I HAVE YET TO GET IT." Applejack rolled her eyes as she put a hoof on Rainbow Dash's shoulder.
"Ya doing it wrong, sugarcube."
"I am not doing it wrong, Applejack," Rainbow said with venom in her voice.
"Let me show you how it is done." Applejack cracked her neck as she smacked the red dot. "See, Dash, easy as apple p—" Applejack noticed the red dot had now moved to a new location. "What in Tartarus? I swear I hit it."
"SEE!" Rainbow Dash said as she once again tried to hit the dot. Applejack joined in now as the dot was also starting to annoy her as well. They both went at it, eventually leading to them crashing into each other as they both tried to get it at the same time. Anon had to hold in his laughter as he sneaked down from the tree and made his way into Ponyville, hearing the two argue behind him.
Anon wrote in his notebook as he walked through Ponyville, taking down his findings. As he walked, he noticed a couple creating a scene in the town. It had caused quite the crowd, and he decided to get a closer look. They were arguing, and while he had no idea what they were arguing about, he saw that the mare was slowly raising her front hoof slightly every now and then, all too reminiscent of a certain animal.
The stallion, who was staring her down, dared her to do it, and the mare slapped him across the face. There was a collective gasp from the crowd as Anon nodded, wrote some more in his notebook, and took his leave to Sugarcube Corner.
It did not take the human long before he was knocking on the door of Sugarcube Corner. As he waited for someone to open the door, Pinkie Pie eventually opened the door and hugged Anon's leg.
"HIYA, ANON!"
"Hello, pink one. I have come to ask for a favor."
"Oh, finally using the favor coupon I gave you?" Anon nodded as he gave the coupon to Pinkie Pie.
"Now that I think about it... I could have just done this with Twilight, but oh well, I am already here. Don't worry, this will only take a second." Anon put his hand on Pinkie's neck as he hoisted her up, her entire body going limp as she giggled to herself.
"Oh yeah, that's the nail in the coffin." He put Pinkie Pie back on the ground as he wrote once more in his notebook.
"So what was that for?" Anon finished writing as he closed his book.
"My friend, I have enough evidence to prove without a doubt that ponies are, in fact, cats." Pinkie Pie scratched her head as she began to think to herself.
"Naw, I don't see it."
1 day later
"With all this evidence, I think we can all conclude that your species are, in fact, related to cats in some way." Anon looked at his audience of princesses, who all looked unamused with stone-cold expressions on their faces.
"So, thou is telling me that I have been awoken by human Anon so he could tell me something so trivial?" Luna said as she rubbed her eyes.
"Yeah, when my aunt said you had information that would change the way we look at ourselves, I thought you had discovered something crazy. Anon, I teleported over here; the distance between the Crystal Empire and Canterlot is too far for any normal pony to teleport between. I might be an alicorn but I feel terrible right now because all my magic has been drained in one teleport." Anon was about to say something, but Twilight caught his attention.
"Anon, you owe me a pudding cup." Anon nodded. He looked to Celestia, waiting for what she had to say. Celestia just shook her head and sighed. "I will take your theory into consider—"
"IT'S NOT A THEORY, IT'S FACT!" Anon said confidently. Celestia rolled her eyes. "I will take it into consideration. Now, if you will excuse me, I have to get back to day court." As Celestia got up, she looked at Twilight. "I could use your help."
"Sure, no problem." Celestia picked up Twilight by the neck, her entire body going limp as she carried Twilight out the door with her. Anon looked back to the other two princesses, who looked at the open door with confusion all over their faces. They then looked back at him. Anon pointed at the door and shouted.
"I TOLD YOU!"
Author's Note
Its been a while since I was featured and I am glad its not a fighter Anon story that is featured. 8/26/2024 to 8/30/2024
