Applejack halted apple bucking for a moment, as she saw something gliding high above the trees in the east field. She held a hoof over her eyes and could barely make out a rainbow-coloured contrail, disappearing behind the sun’s glare. That gosh-darn morning light slipped beneath the brim of her trusty Stetson hat, washing over her face.
She gave a small shout, and turned away to blink the tears and sweat of the morning from her eyes. It was too busy today to worry about nonsense like this, but she’d already lowered her hooves from the tree’s trunk. As the last drops rolled down her face, squinting, she caught the figure of a pony, vanishing into the western clouds. Applejack sighed, and paid it no further heed.
In town, Twilight lazily glanced at the clock. It was nearly noon, time for lunch. It had been a slow morning, without many patrons to the library. Still, a certain languor pervaded the library that seemed to dull any intellectual curiosity. Maybe this was why there weren’t any visitors, she thought. Twilight idly glanced out the window, considering going to Sugarcube Corner, when she sighted a speck passing above the rooftops to the north.
Too high to be a bird, Twilight thought she could nearly make out a pair of pegasus wings. Then, emerging from the shadow of an unseen cloud, the midday sun illuminated a rainbow trailing behind the figure. It seemed almost like Rainbow Dash was out early, and Twilight did a double take. It was good that Rainbow Dash was finally taking responsibility for her sleep schedule. Maybe she’d start taking other things seriously, as well.
Twilight’s stomach rumbled, and she remembered the time Rainbow spared her the rain outside a cafe. Her mind quickly shifted to other thoughts, such as what to have for lunch. Before long, Rainbow had passed over Ponyville altogether, and disappeared over the western forest.
Fluttershy had been preoccupied for much of the night, nursing a sick owl to health, and was only just then waking up. Her joints carried the ache of a short sleep, and her mind was still foggy and obscured. The sun was no longer low enough to peek through the windows onto her bed, keeping the room in a tranquil shade. Seeking to rejuvenate herself, Fluttershy slowly rose and ambled downstairs. Stepping out into the daylight and stretching her wings, she saw a flying silhouette approaching from the direction of town. Though at second glance, it wasn’t Mr. Owlton, bless his heart, whatever it was seemed awfully distraught. At least, any creature flying with such speed must have an urgent need to go somewhere, or maybe was in urgent need of help. As it approached, though, Fluttershy made out a sky blue coat against the clouds.
Fluttershy had known Rainbow Dash ever since they were fillies in flight camp together, and for nearly as long was aware that Dash would occasionally take trips. Trips to nopony-knows-where, for days at a time. Dash would never say so much as a word before leaving, and just as much upon returning. These holidays occurred at seemingly random intervals, coming at the whims of an especially capricious soul. Fluttershy had thought to ask Dash about them, once many years ago, and caught her as she arrived back at Cloudsdale. At Fluttershy’s question, though, Dash was apparently taken with melancholy. Her cheerful demeanour, so intrinsic to herself, blew away like a dandelion seed at the slightest touch.
Fluttershy had quickly apologised, and just as quickly as it vanished, Rainbow Dash’s happy temperament returned. But since that day, Fluttershy learned not to broach the subject of Dash’s excursions. She was concerned about Dash, of course, but thought it best to leave her to handle her emotions by herself. Dash was fiercely independent, after all, and didn’t take kindly to other ponies solving her problems for her, as she put it. Perhaps such a spirit isn’t willing to be tied down to those of us on the ground, she thought with a hint of dejection. Looking around suddenly, Fluttershy realised that Rainbow Dash was long gone.
Rainbow felt the wind in her mane and under her outstretched hooves, catching her in the wake of an updraft and preserving her altitude. She stretched her wings out, feeling the current fill them and propel her forward. Peculiar eddies of air tickled her pinions, the barest hint that she was entering the vast wilds beyond the settled part of Equestria, where the gales were savage. It was the sort of sign that only a skilled flyer could recognise, and Rainbow was a very skilled flyer indeed.
The sky gaped above the thatched roofs of Ponyville below, mountainous clouds struck through by canyons of clear blue firmament. Silent, distant winds shaped the hills and valleys of the air, dynamic and shifting. It was a transient world, ever different from one moment to the next, never staying in one place. Little ponies milled about below Rainbow’s floating house, eyes focused on earthly matters, oblivious to the splendour of the heavens above.
She had awoken that morning with a longing in her heart. The kind of longing that denies what is immediate and close and safe, a powerful urge to make oneself small. A glance at the open sky, past the pane of her window, had kindled in her an emotion she knew by heart.
Rolling out of bed, Rainbow Dash hardly had the energy to make any breakfast. Instead, she ambled to the window and gazed out of it at the sky beyond. The responsibilities of daily life had been accumulating on her back, weighing her down. Her most recent mistake was the heaviest, even as nothing but a dull memory from yesterday. The residual mist of sleep obscured the details, but it didn’t make the burden any lighter. She imagined leaping through the window and allowing her worries to slough off, curling away toward the ground like the pages of a book in the wind.
That morning, Rainbow had looked at the sky, and found her own soul. Ringing through the air was an invitation that struck her and ran down to her hooves. This had been one of those mornings, when the world-spirit cries out, and one’s own soul echoes back. Yes, the world itself seemed to push her further from Ponyville that day, drawing her out into the solitary sky. By the time the last vestiges of sleep were blown from her mind, she found herself several miles outside of town.
The affinity for the open air is common to every pegasus pony, the love of the sky as inherent to their race as the feathers on their wings. When a pegasus gazes at a windswept expanse of clouds, they see what is hidden from all others. The great, wild sky holds musical potential for these ponies. Sunbeams pluck at invisible strings and distant gusts transmit their sonorous tones. The music of the heavens resonates in the structure of the soul of a pegasus, creating the harmony that is the source of pegasine magic. This magic stirs their wings, and summons them to their lofty home.
Fluttershy had always felt more at home on solid earth. Though the same grandiose feelings undoubtedly stirred in her heart, the same as any other pegasus pony, it was exactly this sensation which repulsed her from the open air. Possessed of a shy demeanour, she felt more secure where the earth could support her hooves, and lush foliage could conceal the inner workings of her heart from the bare sky. Rainbow was entirely different; the spirit of Cloudsdale ran in her blood. The embodiment of the sky-faring spirit, her coat and mane reflected the national colours of her home. Rainbow Dash felt the call of the sky more powerfully than any other, and was the most deeply enthralled by its voice.
This peculiar song is what drew her out to the open sky, so long ago. Escaping the noise and activity of Cloudsdale to the serenity of the wilds had been enthralling, as a filly. She took solace in the solitude. Here, there were no idols to live up to. No crowds to impress. There was only her, the clouds, and the music of the pegasine soul.
It was a seductive siren call, ringing ever louder and more clearly the closer she got to her destination. The scent on the wind became dry and dusty. A chill spiralled down from the stratosphere and washed over her like the tide. The sweet air of the orchards back home were already a fading memory as Rainbow filled her lungs anew.
Her mind had been preoccupied on a high plane of pure intuition as she travelled, but familiar signs pulled her back. She cast a glance downward and saw that the wild forests had long given way to rocky highlands, windswept and barren of life beyond scraggly brush and dry moss.
In front of her rose a number of stone peaks, standing in solitude over the wastes. Gales whistled through their interstices, and a network of rivulets warded off the birds from roosting at the highest points. The highest of these was cloven and crumbled at its summit, as if struck by a hundred bolts of lightning in some ancient storm. What appeared to be a scraggly bush filled an opening in the crevice. It was this bush which Rainbow set her sights on, and began to curl down towards.
Her wings tucked slightly, with the confidence of a hundred previous descents. The crevasse in the peak formed a small, sheltered hollow that offered some shelter from the wind. The bush was actually the top of a tree which grew out of this hollow and filled the entrance, protecting the interior from the sky. Aiming there, she stretched her hooves out to thread the needle and burst through the foliage.
As she passed by the tree’s branches, dry twigs and dead leaves scratched at her coat and stripped some of the down of her wings. Small cuts opened down her forelegs and across her face. Rainbow impacted the soft sand covering the base of the alcove and sent up a cloud of dust. The sudden deceleration churned her blood in her veins.
Sparse drops of it escaped and soaked into the soil, meeting hoofprints left from trips past.
The rushing of the wind, omnipresent in Rainbow’s ears for the last several hours, dulled to a whisper in the alcove. Some pebbles had been knocked loose and fell into the abyss below the cliff outside with a chorus of clicks; when these faded away, the world became still.
Nothing moved in the hollow, save Rainbow’s heaving chest and quivering wings.
Without the thrill of flight to invigorate her, Rainbow’s thoughts could finally catch up to her body.
Why can’t you do anything right?
Why are you such a failure?
What’s the matter with you?
At this point, she hardly remembered what it even was that she had done wrong. It didn’t really matter. It probably wasn’t even a single thing, just the rush of worries and accidents and shortcomings building up until she just couldn’t stick around anymore.
Mistakes never come alone. She could be having a perfectly good week, but slip up one little thing. Just one. Put a crack in that “coolest pony in town” facade she liked to keep up. It wouldn’t shake her too hard, of course. You don’t get to be the best flyer in Equestria if you lose your feathers over a single slip up. Keep it cool, always have to keep it cool.
But whatever it was would nag at her mind. Any time she’d think about a new stunt, the failure of the last would be right there in front of her. Rainbow Dash did a lot more thinking than most ponies gave her credit for. She had to, in order to keep up with her flight routines and her weatherpony duties and save anypony in Ponyville who needed help on top of that. With so many ponies relying on her, Rainbow didn’t have a lot of room to mess up. That’s why, any time she wasn’t flying, she was thinking about how to be the most awesome pony in Equestria.
Being the best was important, probably the most important thing in the world. After loyalty to her friends, of course. And how better to show her loyalty than to be the best pony she could be? A good friend never lets their friends down.
So she’d rush and try to prove herself again, show them that she was still the fastest, coolest pony around. Everypony makes mistakes, but Rainbow Dash makes the fewest mistakes of all. If she could pull off one more daring rescue, perform one more trick that would impress everypony, it would make up for her failure. If she could be cool enough, maybe everypony would forget all the times she wasn’t.
But the failures would still be there. Weighing down her wings, dulling her mind, making her miss that cloud or drop that expensive statue or sleep in past her shift. Every new mistake would get added onto the stack, until it felt like she couldn’t get out of bed without tripping over a wing.
What good is a pony who can’t help their friends? Rainbow knew how much the citizens of Ponyville relied on her. How Fluttershy, as timid as she was, could be confident that Rainbow would always be there to stand up for her. How Scootaloo looked up to her as a role model, the big sister she never had. Rainbow could show her how to soar on wings that were too small for a filly her age, who might never fly in her life. Applejack, despite being Rainbow’s fierce rival, recognised her strength, and found in Rainbow a companion who could always be counted on.
These ponies knew Rainbow was strong. Her friends would always support her when things got rough, and knew better than anypony that even Rainbow Dash made mistakes. They knew such a tough pony would never let a couple screw ups get her down.
They’d see her fly by overhead, and have full confidence in her. They’d hardly pay her a second thought, before moving on with their day. Nopony was asking after her. As far as anypony knew, Rainbow was totally fine. Flying away sometimes was just something she did, and they knew better than to pry.
And so, in order to meet their expectations, Rainbow put on a strong face every morning. What would they think, if they saw her cry? Or back down, or admit that she wasn’t really all that tough, deep inside?
Rainbow knew she was tough, her friends knew she was tough, everypony in town did. Why was she letting everything get to her? She was just being thick-headed and thin-skinned. That wasn’t like her, not at all. Rainbow was a resilient, persevering pony who stood up to any challenge. There must have been something wrong with her.
That’s why, when life became too big to handle, and the mistakes piled up, Rainbow would run away. To cool off, to catch her breath for a while. To hide the Rainbow Dash who couldn’t hold the world on her back. So she could have some time to relax and take things easy. So her friends wouldn’t see the Rainbow Dash who wasn’t supposed to exist, and couldn’t hold herself up on her own four hooves.
She crumpled to the ground, nestling in the soft sand of the alcove. Hot tears began to run from her eyes, and she covered her muzzle with her wings.
The alcove was almost the same as when she’d first found it as a filly.
Rainbow was something of an outcast at school in Cloudsdale. The colts put down her dreams of being an ace flyer, and the other fillies didn’t see their worth in the first place. The Wonderbolts posters in her room were all worn at the corners from being torn down and replaced.
She eschewed social events, so that she could get in extra practice hours. Rainbow spent many lonely evenings above the empty schoolyard, while other foals laughed with each other in warm houses, or experienced their first kisses. She held in her heart, even at a young age, that the life of a flyer was a solitary one. The sky was so big, it didn’t leave much room in her life for anypony else.
Despite her efforts, she saw little improvement. There were no coaches to direct her wings, no family to encourage her at the sideline of a deserted field, and no friends to test her skills against. Rainbow had natural talent, sure, but her strength was sloppy and oft misdirected. A particularly bad accident while showing off at recess earned her the nickname “Rainbow Crash”. This stuck with her, even after years, an enduring reminder that she didn’t amount to anything more than a failure in other ponies’ eyes.
In an effort to prove to herself, more than anypony, that she was capable, she’d flown out into a storm during the night. At Cloudsdale’s high altitude, the winds are brutal and unbuffered by trees or hills. The ground was hidden by clouds, and the city hovered in a dark sea, as if in a universe all its own. The rain being whipped up blinded Rainbow, and she fell into a fierce gale that sent her hurtling below the clouds.
Rainbow’s filly body couldn’t produce enough heat to keep out the bitter chill of the night. Her coat and wings were soaked through, and every beat of her wings against gravity was more exhausting. As winds battered her and water dragged her down, she felt her body fall more than glide in the air. She had no idea how close the ground was or how fast she was approaching it. Even if she hadn’t smashed into the ground like a bowl of eggs right then, it was only a matter of time until the cold pulled her into unconsciousness and she dropped listlessly from the sky.
A flash lit up the night, revealing a white crag of stone rising into the storm. It was a monolith standing starkly above the wasteland below, and the closest possible shelter. Though the bolt of lightning faded as quickly as it had arrived, the image of the mountain shining against the gloom had been burned into Rainbow’s eyes, and she oriented herself by this record in the pitch black.
As if by fate, a second flash illuminated the crag, now hardly fifty feet in front of her. She careened toward the peak and reached it by the time the light had faded again, slamming her wing and leg against the bare rock. It took a massive effort to lift herself against the wind pressing her down and steady herself on her hooves. Her wing was now in no condition to fly, and to fall from the cliff surely meant death.
Rainbow limped across the exposed face of the mountain, desperately searching for respite under a barrage of icy rain. Her legs had long been deadened by the cold, and slipped on the slick stone underhoof. She felt the world tip sideways, and began to roll down the cliff. Her hooves scratched against the stone, but found no purchase.
Until now, she had been gripped with the primal urge for survival, but as she felt her grasp on the world loosen, she was filled with a kind of tranquil resignation. This time, Rainbow really had given it her all, and it still wasn’t enough. She was content with finally having been given an answer to her struggles. Her parents would probably miss her, but would anypony else? It’s not like she could ever be appreciated for anything, really. Even if all her suffering had been for nothing, she’d be able to rest soon.
Rainbow happened to tumble into an opening in the rock, her fall breaking on a short tree that grew up a little ways below the entrance.
She hit the sand at the base of the alcove, which was damp from water that dripped down the tree. She lay there, shivering, under the drops that filtered down from the leaves above. After some time, the numbness in her limbs faded slowly. The emotions swirling in her heart gradually calmed, and the world around her became lucid to her senses.
Rainbow recognised that she had inadvertently found shelter, and painstakingly dragged herself to the opposite end of the hollow, to hide from the wind that still whipped past the entrance. She remained there, in a state of half-wakefulness, until the rain calmed, the winds stilled, and the first grey glow of dawn stained the sky.
Her wing and leg had recovered through the night somewhat, enough to enable her to fly. She set out toward home as quick as she could that morning, and snuck into her house before anyone woke. She clambered into bed, still soaking wet, and tried to claim a couple hours of sleep before the day truly began.
When Rainbow’s parents awoke, they asked why she had become damp overnight. Some brusque remarks spared Rainbow the pain of honesty, and the issue was quickly forgotten.
The hollow at the top of the cliff became a place Rainbow would return to over the years. It was a representation of shelter and safety in a storm, a place that would always be available for her to hide in. As time passed, the little tree grew up to fill the opening, further concealing and sealing the space from the rest of the world.
Whenever Rainbow would feel overwhelmed, she would run away and hide. In town, she would cloak herself in an aloof demeanour, to fend away painful questions. When that was under strain of breaking, she’d detach herself from life entirely, and leave.
Ponies used to ask about her, but she reassured them that everything was fine. As long as that place was open to her, far away from everypony she cared about, Rainbow could keep up her act. Eventually, any problem would fade away by itself, and she could get back to being the real Rainbow Dash. The Rainbow Dash who was always present, always tough, and always ready to help a friend in need.
Returning to the present, Rainbow looked around. The cave was the same as ever, dirty mounds of ancient sand and rough stone walls; the tree by the entrance became drier and more bare year after year. The sun outside had sunk below the cave entrance, and the light that trickled through the leaves of the tree was already dim. The silt in the air flowed into her mouth and made her cough.
She had calmed down by now, more quickly than most trips. That impulse which had driven her out to this desolate corner of the world had weakened into a dull memory. There was no longer any reason to remain here, in this dead place.
Her thoughts turned to the future. When she returned, she doubted her friends would take much notice of her leave. They hadn’t the last few times, after all. And before Pinkie had concernedly asked about Rainbow’s well-being the other week at Sugarcube Corner, she could hardly remember another time. She was likely safe, then. All the better to keep up a calm and confident image. Rainbow would bear this burden alone, as she did for so much else.
She lifted her wings from the dust and struggled to her hooves. Her nose was the last thing to raise from the ground, leaving a damp impression. She flexed the stiffness from her wings, sharply fanning them out. The sand in the cave swirled, and the last remnant of her tears was covered.
Rainbow flew up into the boughs of the tree. Perched on a high limb, she stuck her head out from the cave entrance to observe the sky. It was clear and richly purple, the last flames of sunset retreating to the west. The sun was low on the horizon, and the edge of the moon was showing in the east. She would be flying into the easterlies back to Ponyville from here, but if she left now she might make it back by dawn. Ahead of her, though, lay a lonely vigil fighting against the wind. Nothing she hadn’t faced before.
Rainbow leapt off the cliff into the coming night. She would return to Ponyville and take her place, unnoticed by the townsponies. Her life would remain the same, until the next time she fled into the open sky.
