6 Friends and Luck:Wonderland

Chapters

A Warning
One Last Memory
The Red Hooves
Executive Order
The Club
Welcome to the Mstislav
Tag Alongs and Smugglers
Pre-Gala party
Princess Molestia
The Last Stand
The Darkest Day
Nightmare
Fleur de Lis
The Gala
The Gala - Dan
The Gala - Nico
The Gala - Silver Shield
Two Teams One Goal
The ROFLcopter
End game
Legacy
Helping a Friend
The Situation
The Death of Giro
Note from Vespi

A Warning

“Log 6-4-2-5; test failure doughnut crumbs obstructing power grid 2” Konstantin said; Chernov seemed like a nice guy; only problem is was he was a big fat slob. He already vomited, farted, pisses, and obstructed on power grid 2B. Power grid 2A had to be thrown out because…well you now know.

“Do you want me here or what?” Chernov asked; the fat guy said sitting in a wooden chair; it amazed Konstantin that the chair didn’t already break.

“You’re not helping so feel free to leave” Konstantin said; Chernov grumbled something to himself but fortunately waddled out of the room and hopefully out of the bunker.

Vladimir 5 minutes walked into the room tapping Konstantin on the back

“Hey Konstantin how’s it going?” He asked sitting down in Chernov’s seat

“Good I guess; hopefully I can get some damn work done now with Chernov out of the room.” Konstantin said

“Good to hear listen I found some information and was curious-“Vladimir was stopped short by a panicky person; he had a L20 Precision Rifle in his hands and a ballistic vest on; with several bullet holes in it

“Sir we found some Nazi scouts out in the woods we need your help sir” The man said in a high panicky voice.

“I’ll be right back” Vladimir said; he went sprinting out of the door with the man; leaving only a burst of air to finish his

statement from before.

Konstantin just gave out a sigh and went back to work trying to get the electronics online.

***

Konstantin worked on the electronics for the next 5 arduous hours; Konstantin heard from one of the men, Leonard, that Vladimir and everyone else was okay.

Konstantin this day chose to go have dinner at a more fancy dining area then the bar; if he could he would of just cooked something for himself but sadly he hadn’t tried to cook anything since he burned down his apartment.

Konstantin ordered his normal salad; sitting anxiously in the restaurant. It was a lot like the tavern with quaint wooden walls and an area outside where people could eat during better weather.

When Konstantin felt a tap on his shoulder he dreaded that something happened to the restaurant’s salad stockpile, had the Nazi’s made salad illegal to transport?

When he turned around he instead saw an elderly man, fumbling with a hat,

“Um excuse me sir I need your help for just a moment” He said

“I need someone to help to change a tire; I’d really appreciate it.

What hurt could there be in helping an elderly old man in a “Good Samaritan” situation? As Konstantin walked outside turns out there can be a lot of pain; out of the corner of his eye he saw a strong arm grab him and smash him against the wall; with the door closed and no one on the streets Konstantin was on his own.

Konstantin smashed into the wall cracking his head; he fell down into the garbage can; half blacked out when he heard some mumbling, and then felt himself being hoisted up against the wall. That single one hand was out there holding him by the neck

“Who, who are you?” Konstantin asked scared to death

“A friend of the Nazis” The voice sounded eerily familiar. It was an American, it was him

“Chuck Norris is that you?” Konstantin asked he finally saw the face of the man, of Chuck Norris. He wore his entire cowboy outfit for this mission.

“Glad you recognize me now I have to talk to you”

Konstantin nodded his head frantically, anything to not be in Chuck’s pathway of destruction

“My Nazi friends don’t like what you are doing, we know what you are doing, Chuck Norris can read minds” He said; all the things the internet said; were they true?

“But, but-“Konstantin mumbled; Chuck smashed him against the wall again; Konstantin bit down on his tongue so hard he though he tore it plain off, or was Chuck going to do that himself?

“You’re going to stop what you’re doing alright partner?” He said

Konstantin was about to swallow his pride, legacy and faith in the world by saying yes; which he almost did. Not until he heard a scream and a crow bar come out of the dark.

The crowbar snapped in half against Chuck Norris, who didn’t buckle, didn’t fall, didn’t even seem stunned, all he did was turn around and smile

“Who do you think you are fighting CHUCK FUCKING NORRIS!?” He screamed sending flecks of spit into the abyss of darkness

“I AM RUSSIAN CHUCK NORRIS!” It was Vladimir I saw hate connect with Chuck Norris’s face; causing him to slam against the wall.

Konstantin scooted out of the way when he saw Vladimir send a boot right into Chuck’s balls (Vladimir told him he always had steel padding in his boots) causing him to be crushed into the wall farther, and eventually caused him to slump down, dead.

“Vladimir” Konstantin shuttered “Did you just kill Chuck Norris?”

“No” Vladimir said grabbing Konstantin by the arm “No man can kill Chuck Norris he will come back to life in 59 seconds.“ The two ran back to the house opened the trap door and ran down stairs.

After Vladimir told the story to the guards on how he killed Chuck Norris Konstantin walked over to Yuri; who was waving him over with a boney finger

“Listen be careful out there” Yuri warned “The world is a dangerous place. Next time it might not be Chuck Norris; it could be Saxton Hale, or Chuck Testa, or 2 Chuck Norrises!”

“Your right…thanks Yuri” I said

“And Konstantin” Yuri said; Konstantin turned around to see the old man eye to eye

“They are watching; we depend on you”

Konstantin looked stunned; he just thought that was the legendary fear tactics of Chuck Norris at work.

“The Nazi’s know what we are doing?” Konstantin squeaked

“Yup” Yuri said with a sigh “We have men and guns; but after St. Petersburg falls there heading in this direction”

The lights flickered; and an explosion came from upstairs.

“Lord Chuck Norris is back” Yuri said “Go help our boys will you?”

Konstantin was shy around guns; especially while shooting at Chuck Norris in a soviet winter wonderland full of Nazis.

“But I’ve never fired a gun before” Konstantin said “I’m not trained-“

Yuri slapped him “No one trains to use a damn gun now go shoot Chuck Norris!” He said; Konstantin glumly headed towards the armory to grab his weaponry.

Konstantin was scared stiff; he Vladimir and 6 others were fighting off Chuck Norris in the streets. He couldn’t help but notice these men were armed very handsomely and expensively. Ballistic Vests and L2 Laser Rifles (The L1 Rifles were cancelled due to their tendency to blow up in the user’s hands) were the main armament, but Yuri just had a 2 by 4 with a nail in it; when Konstantin asked he just called it his “Pain stick”.

We saw him walking like a demon; slowly marching down the street; his cowboy boots clanking and his cowboy hat fluttering in the wind.

“Nice kick before Vladimir but Chuck takes no prisoners” He said laughing manically

“O lord” One of the men said; he hadn’t heard the story “It is Frank Sinatra!”

“He’s Chuck Norris you idiot!” Vladimir said socking him in the arm.

“Time to get chucked little boys” Chuck Norris said

***

Konstantin got out of his daze immediately; he had been thrown against a house by Chuck Norris himself. The only one standing (Whom he could see) was Vladimir; firing point blank against Chuck, who wasn’t even running but instead slowly walking towards him.

Konstantin tried his best to get out of the rubble; but was too weak; his L2 laser gun was tossed to his side; somehow still intact.

“Any last words Vladimir?” Konstantin focused on Chuck and Vladimir once more; Chuck had Vladimir in that grip, one hand hoisting him into the air by the neck. Vladimir noticed Konstantin in the rubble and screamed

“KONSTANTIN NOW”

Without even thinking Konstantin grabbed his rifle and shot one beam at Chuck; the beam exploded his knee causing him to buckle, and drop Vladimir.

“Thanks Konstantin” He said with a smile;

“I will be back… I shall be back in 40 days with Jesus” Chuck Norris coughed one last time and died, this time for good… or for 40 days.

“Some warning” Konstantin said; looking down at the corpse; there was now a gaggle of civilians watching what had just happened

“Sadly not the last” Vladimir said; flicking his lighter open

I present to you,

The Sequel to 6 Friends and Luck

WONDERLAND

Don't worry we are actually going to hear about Equestria next chapter ;)

-Vespi

One Last Memory

“Your right; I’ll go tell him” Sharps yelled “HEY LUCKY 7 GET IN HERE PLEASE!”

There was my good old grandson running in

Looking at my grandson was like looking into a time mirror…thing. He had that same pitch black and short hair I used to; he was a pegasus and with that notorious green color; he looked a lot like me when I was his age; before time took its toll

“What do you need Dad?” He asked; the colt was 16 but seemed so mature for his age, for me it was kind of funny, and also kind of sad, seeing the circle of life; birth, life, death, all in one giant wheel.

“Son me and your grandfather have been talking about you going to Canterlot for the year” My son said; I hate to say it but my son made isolationists look open; all he wanted to do was guard Ponyville, and make sure his son guarded Ponyville.

“Really you have?” He asked his facial expression went from “Annoyed” to “Excited”,

“Yea; although I don’t exactly approve of you heading into the big city; your grandfather convinced me it was alright”

Lucky 7 smiled “Thanks Vespi” wiseass; just like me!

“Son he is your grandfather” Sharps warned; he was always on his heels this one; never like his sister, she was the laid back one.

“Sorry Dad” Lucky 7 said again

“So what are you going to do in the big city? I’ve been there a lot myself." I said; in my long life I’ve had the pride of hosting 7 Gala events in 6 years. What the hell have you done so far grandson?

Lucky 7 gave me a nervous laugh “Yea I remember that story” He turned to Sharps “So about a train ticket” I frowned; I remember when people wanted to talk to me. Back during the Gala days people used to line up to meet me, to shake my hand, hell a couple mares tried to jump me (Thank god for security). It was a great feeling to be wanted, to be needed.

“Well son I think it would be best if you get the money yourself; then buy it yourself” Sharps said

“Fine I’ll be a colt hooker for a week” Lucky 7 said with a sigh; I couldn’t help but laugh at that, yea he sure did have my DNA.

“No! Why don’t you get a job or something?” Sharps asked

“Fine” Lucky 7 said with a roll of the eyes “Grandpa what would you do for quick cash?”

I gave him my best answer “Just go on a spontaneous adventure; it worked for me” I said with a prideful smile “This is how I got this house” Well actually my friend Dan got raped by the mayor; but still you know still was an adventure

“That’s a great idea Grandpa!” Lucky 7 said “I’ll go on a adventure!” Before Sharps could be an overbearing parent again Lucky 7 ran off

“Is he going to be okay?” Sharps asked “What do you think?”

I sighed “Frankly as long as the kid has memories I couldn’t give a damn”

Sharps chuckled “You were always a laid back pony weren’t you Dad?”

I chuckled myself “Of course whenever I wasn’t on guard duty I was in Canterlot” I smiled at those great times; times enjoying ourselves in bars, out in the Canterlot country (Which is now the suburbs sadly) pretty much the entire city was a place of good times; in fact just when Lucky 7 walked in saying he wanted to go to Canterlot I remembered something important; one of my favorite years in my life.

“Well the kid has all day to get the cash, what are you going to do now Dad?” Sharps asked

“I think I’m just going to sit here and think a little bit” I stood up, wobbling for a split second; it sure was depressing growing old.

“Alrighty then see you Dad” My son said; standing up himself “Are you going to be okay and everything?” He asked

“Relax I’m not that old” I said, I then grimaced, I was that old. I was what 78? I didn’t exactly my entire life ahead of me anymore; that is why I wanted to think a lot nowadays; just remember the old days, when I was happy, had friends, had a real life.

I really didn’t want to hear my sons badgering anymore so I walked inside; it wasn’t that I didn’t like him; he was just too wary; too circumspect. He said I should go to a home, he said I need help, he said- well I don’t care,

I walked inside the old house; it was my first house in Equestria; and although I moved out when I got married (We bought a better house) sometimes while on patrol, in my younger days, I’d walk in just to remember those days with my friends. What had all happened to them? They were probably wasting away like me; remembering the adventures we had.

There was one adventure that made all the other ones look small; I remember that year. We were in Canterlot the entire year; and for once in god know how long an entire adventure had with the entire gang.

I didn’t really want to stand and think momentarily; I wanted to sit down and think for a long time. So I sat down on that dull yellow couch and thought out that entire year in my head; from start to finish.

I took out my pipe (It was my new hobby that my son convinced me to do; hated it) and remembered

It was just like a movie in my mind; even though age was taking its toll I still had an acute and precise memory.

Then I remembered the more serious part

“Death are you watching me?” I asked with a chuckle; now that was a story to remember

“Not for long” he said; I didn’t bother to even turn around; he was probably far, far away or invisible. Watching me suffer;

“Remembering that fateful year?” He asked; his voice not showing any emotion on such a topic.

“Yup one hell of a year alright” I chuckled

“For your race perhaps; but we people live for eternity, we have much to remember but not much will to” he said plaintively “nonetheless that was a memorable experience”

I just nodded assuming the guardian of time was still watching me.

I began to fall asleep; unaware if he was still watching over me; but I fell asleep with a smile on my face

I had the feeling I’d relive the experience; or at leastly see it again.

Here mod there are ponies in this here sector!

-Vespi

The Red Hooves

It was a strange feeling; that same mish mosh of excitement and nervousness. I always though butterflies in your stomach was just an adage; turns out there really was a butterfly in my stomach, still don’t know how he got in there….but still I’m really nervous to be back in Canterlot.

Rarity was talking with her friends while I met some of Tyler’s fellow agents.

“So what exactly is the problem?” I asked

“If you must know there has been rioting, faction wars-“

“Gangs you mean?” I asked; there were lots of gangs in Newark; the last place I wanted to see tainted with that was Equestria

“Not exactly; they were originally gangs, but now there like families…you know about the mob right?”

O I see, because I am Italian I know everything about the mob from wise guy to consigliere?

“Yea” I said

“Well there like that, families fighting each other and the government. Our duty here is to stop the families and bring peace back to Canterlot. Seems easy enough right?” He said

“As long as you don’t piss any pony off of course” I said

Tyler laughed “You really thought I pissed every pony off already?”

“Knowing you, you probably pissed every faction off already” I laughed

“Just watch when we walk into Canterlot I’m going to be a hero” He said

A rock flew through the window at that very moment, shattering the glass and slowly rolling across the floor.

“Is it normal for people to throw rocks at their heroes?” I asked; I looked out of my window to see the metropolis, exactly how I left it alright. All I could see was massive sky scrapers, busy streets, and that one pony who was a taco vender on Sundays.

Whoever tossed that rock obviously ran before we stepped out of the train; but still it was concerning that someone was throwing stuff at us. Could we be in danger? Or will they just kill Tyler?

When we got out we saw several mean looking stallions staring at us from across the street; they all wore a kind of those Balmorals bonnets and matching red bandanas covering their faces.

“See those stallions over there?” Tyler said, obliquely pointing to them “They are one of those factions ‘The Red Hooves’.”

“Were they the ponies who threw the rock at you?” I asked

“Probably” He said with a chuckle “Of the many factions they are my main enemy it seems, even though their not the most powerful they are ambitious, which makes them dangerous. This is why I need people like you Vespi. I need people I can trust, people to take these noobs down.”

I was relieved when the 3 stallions left their position and wandered off, I still was concerned about all of this work though.

“Okay so what do we need to do?” I asked

“We need to throw a PARTY!” Pinkie screamed; I didn’t expect her to walk up behind us and just jump out at us.

“Good to see Pinkie Pie is still Pinkie Pie” Tyler chuckled “First thing first let me show you to your apartment where you are staying”

***

What an apartment! This was more like a house! It was one of those new aged houses; it was on top of one of the skyscrapers and had a wonderful view, especially if you looked out of that one window. This window was more like a glass wall; you could see all of Canterlot for miles through it, everything seemed brand new and exceptionally good; whoever was paying for this house (God bless it wasn’t us) didn’t mind spending extra dosh.

“Nice place” Rarity said with a smile

“Sure is” I said jumping on a nice comfy looking couch

“So why did Tyler pay for all of this stuff again?” Rarity asked

I had to be honest with her; it’d be pretty hard to disguise what I was really doing considering she was my wife “Well Tyler needs some help over here in Canterlot and wanted me to help out” I said; I didn’t mention the 3 stallions or the faction war.

“Whatever; I’m going to go sightseeing with the mares” She said levitating a hat on

“Already we just got here though” I asked

“Ehh Rainbow Dash and Twilight have been begging me to show them around the city the entire ride here; so I finally relented. You don’t mind do you?” She asked

“No go ahead; I got to get to work anyways” I said

I gave her a quick peck on the cheek and she headed out. Several minutes later I headed downstairs to meet Tyler in the lobby.

“Okay so what do we need to do Tyler?” I asked

“Just follow me” He said; we headed outside and began walking down the street. It was a surprisingly chilly autumn day; perhaps only 50 degrees; strange for September.

“Where are we going?” I asked

“We are going to give our friends the Red Hooves a visit” He said

So much for non-violent solutions; then again it was Tyler.

We walked for maybe 20 minutes; heading North in a straight direction, I couldn’t help but notice how everything began to slowly turn more and more impoverished. The skyscrapers remained in some places but the houses went from middle class to ghetto. I could see why the Red Hooves owned this part of the city.

We abruptly stopped at one house; Tyler tapped the door 3 times quickly, then waited a second and tapped again. For a second the sun reflecting off a visor blocked my vision; but I couldn’t help but smile at what I saw, it was good old Ayan the juggernaut.

“Sup Vespi” He said “Your working for the good guys now?”

“I guess so, what happened to secret agent?” I asked

“I’m still an agent; just working for a different cause” He said; his Juggernaut suit was modified. Instead of the Kevlar protection that it was originally made out of there were now painted metal pieces clogging myriad small bullet holes. It then hit me that apparently ponies didn’t have Kevlar. Eventually Ayan wouldn’t have a bullet proof bio suit, but instead he’d just be walking around in a metal death trap.

“Follow me guys” Tyler said

The 3 of us walked again, heading into the Red Hooves’ territory; several times we saw stallions watching us from the roof tops. Before we could do anything though they’d just fall back and jump from roof top to roof top, just like that smuggler.

“So I guess that’s how they get around?” I asked

“Yea that smuggler was a Red Hoof; this is part of their training” Tyler said, warily checking the roof tops

Before long we stopped again; this time at a random crate in the middle of the road; Tyler apparently claimed it is, opening it. I was stunned to find 3 assault rifles in it.

“Since when did ponies have guns?” I asked

“Since I invented them” Ayan said “I am a genius after all”

“Shut up Ayan” We both said in unison.

We walked some more maybe 5 minutes before we eyed 2 Red Hooves watching us from a particularly high rooftop; that didn’t both very much, I assumed they were just watching us again; then I heard a gunshot and saw something ricochet off Ayan’s helmet.

I immediately saw Tyler jump off the street, followed by clunk Ayan who received several more shots from the attacker.

“Okay so what the hell happened Tyler!?” I asked

“We got shot at bro!” He said wiping a bead of sweat off of his face

“Actually I got shot but you know” Ayan said; good thing he hadn’t taken a second bullet in the visor, that visor looked already looked half broken.

“Okay I got an idea guys” He said “Ayan you’re going to walk out in front and get shot at”

“Okay…” Ayan said with a nod

“Me and Vespi will stay behind you and shoot at whoever shoots at you, m’kay?”

“M’kay” Ayan repeated, he actually followed orders, walked straight into the middle of the street.

“Okay on 3 we move to that lamp post, okay?” Tyler said pointing to an alcove on the opposite side of the street. I could now see tracers flying as Ayan tried his best to fire back at the attackers.

We were about to make a run across the street when I realized Ayan was in the middle of a street; coming towards him was a carriage carrying heavy looking crates. While Ayan was returning fire the carriage hitting him; the aloof driver fell out of the carriage and landed next to Ayan. The entire carriage on the other hand glided a few feet, crushing the 2 ponies and gliding sideways, causing a wall going from side to side of the street.

“Well that was something” Tyler said

“Sure is” I said, stunned at what happened. I could see 2 figures running across the roof tops, at leastly that was 1 problem solved.

“We got to keep moving though, forget about Ayan!” Tyler said; I gave him a boost over the carriage and then I flew over (Yea I know I have wings, what you thought I forgot?) warily watching the roof tops like Tyler.

“This is the place” Tyler said pointing to an abandoned warehouse, but it wasn’t abandoned. I saw a flag waving on the top of the roof; it was a red flag with an apple on top of a kite shield under it was their slogan “Life over death”

“They sure do have a creative slogan huh?” I asked

“Yup” Tyler responded “Come on we have a job to do”

“What is our job anyways? You never told me” I said it must be something important since we are being shot at.

“We just got to steal some important intelligence about this faction.” Tyler said “Stay on your hooves this isn’t going to be easy”

***

“That was pretty easy” I said; it seems they forgot to put guards in their evil lair; typical stupidity.

“I didn’t expect that; they must be all on their lunch break at the same time” Tyler said

“I doubt even these guys are that stupid” I said

Before Tyler could respond we heard several ponies walking up the stairwell

“You know it would be a lot smarter if we didn’t have lunch break all at the same time” One said

“Ehh if you ask me it is better that way;” A 2nd said

Well these guys were officially stupider then me and my friends.

“Quickly let’s get the intelligence and get out of here” Tyler said

We quickly searched several rooms in the house; I felt like I was in Assassins Creed. There were 3 guards; we had to kill them or sneak by them without letting the other 2 know it; if one found out, yelled, or did anything to cause the entire faction to run upstairs then we were screwed.

Finally we found the winning room; inside a dinky small closet was a locked briefcase

“This is it; let’s get out of here before we attract any attention”

“Attention from what?” I didn’t say that

“Vespi attention from” Tyler turned around; right behind us was a Red Hoof with a shotgun in his hands.

Desynchronized

Executive Order

“What is little baby doing to Heavy’s lunch safe?” Asked the guard; he spoke in a massive Russian accent; like the Heavy from TF2. He also talked like the Heavy from TF2, and said he was the Heavy…was this the Heavy from TF2?

“Lunch safe” Tyler asked “What do you mean by a lunch safe?”

The guard gave us a smile “Genius plan!” He took his briefcase “See; in briefcase is sandwich” He opened the briefcase and inside was a sandwich, some intelligence Tyler.

“Really can you show me how you did that?” Tyler asked

“Simple you put hoof on-“Before the Heavy could finish Tyler brought his gun up and shot the pony right in the face. Tyler as it seems forgot about silencers; the entire neighborhood now knew that we were trying to steal this intelligence.

“Smooth” I said

“Like anyone cares” Tyler said “I’ll cover you, we need to find the intelligence”

***

“Yuri something is wrong with the Heavy” Boris said

“Wait what is wrong with him?” Yuri asked

“He died” Boris said flatly

“GOD DAMMIT”

***

“Come on Vespi we got to get out of here!” Tyler screamed; we found the intelligence, but we were also detected (Despite it taking several minutes) and now had the entire neighborhood shooting at us.

“We got to jump for it” I said; although we were only on the 2nd floor the ground would be too dangerous. The many alleys and hidden areas made it a death trap to travel by.

“Dipshit remember I don’t have wings” Tyler said

“Fine…um…here get on my back I’ll fly and you cover me.” I said; although having Tyler on my back while flying at low attitude with militia shooting at me with lead bullets wasn’t the best plan it was still something.

Tyler seemed to be able to hold the intelligence and shoot at the same time; how he was going to stay on my back I don’t really know. But it was still better then jumping.

“Ready?” I asked

“Fly!” Tyler shouted on command I jumped off and began flapping my wings. I wasn’t a very strong flyer; none the less I could manage, even with such a heavy payload.

The instant I took off I realized we were safe; although there were maybe 10 militia shooting at us none were very accurate, and fortunately there were snipers. I tried to gain as much altitude as possible without suffocating myself and Tyler. Tyler managed to drop his gun altogether and hold on to the briefcase for dear life. We flew for a couple blocks; sometimes we’d see other pegasus staring at us probably asking “What the hell are they doing?” to themselves, but the important thing is that we were alive.

I finally got tired and just slowly lowered; I was glad to see the more wealthy part of the city, the part that wasn’t tainted by the malicious Red Hooves.

“Thanks for the fly” Tyler said “Let’s get this to the princess now”

“Wait you work for the princess herself?” I asked now that brought back good nostalgia

“Yea pretty cool right? Glad I brought you to Canterlot?” He said with a smile

“Dam right”

***

I didn’t exactly know what to expect when the 2 of us walked into the castle. Everything was still as mystifying and whimsical as before. All of it and the recent occurrences made me feel like I was in some kind of dream, an escape from reality.

“I think we are getting close to the Princess’s room” Tyler said taking his helmet off; I followed and did the same.

I couldn’t help but smile when that snob Blueblood came into my line of sight. The pony was just standing there; as though he was expecting us. But when the two of us came into his mist his facial expression said that this was no casual get together.

“Well what do we have here; 2 peasants trying to get into the throne room?” He asked

“Yea now if you don’t mind I don’t like talking to bitches” Tyler said calmly

“I am sure; and who do we have here?” He asked looking at me “What happened to Rarity? Did she dump you like the filth that you are?”

“No” I said “We actually got married”

He instantly went from his pompous self to a more surprising persona. It looked as though his soul had just been shattered by a sledge hammer.

“But, I loved her” He said “I loved Rarity”

I just couldn’t help but laughing, sure the princess’s nephew just became emotionally devastated but so what?

“Yea she is something else” I said laughing haughtily “Fucked the shit out of her too; they heard her in Cloudsdale I think”

“Was that you ponies? Dan said he heard something while he was in Cloudsdale. He said it sounded like a 100 high pitched fog horns” Tyler said

“Yup that was us then” I said with a smile; Blueblood just broke down and began to cry in the hallway; wow I’m surprised I didn’t even have to use physical pain to make the guy cry this time.

We continued our trek into the throne room were the princesses were. When we walked in there had to be at leastly 10 guards all on the perimeter of the room. In the middle of the room were 2 golden thrones one for each sister.

“Shit Tyler, Vespi Is that you?” I turned around, there Nico was a massive smile on your face.

“Dam it’s nice to see you again Nico how’s it been?” I asked with a smile

“Ehh pretty good I guess married the princess as you obviously know; what are you guys doing?” He asked

“Meh nothing really” Tyler began before Celestia gave a fake cough. We all turned around to see her, regally sitting on her throne.

“Welcome back Tyler, how did you mission go?” She asked

“Good we got the intelligence” Tyler said showing her the briefcase, Nico and another guard took the briefcase from Tyler

“Please tell me you didn’t take the sandwich briefcase” Celestia said with a hint of aggravation in her voice.

“Not this time” Tyler said with a smile “Vespi saved me thank god; it was a good idea to bring him after all mam” He

added

Wait it was Celestia’s idea to bring me to Canterlot? That explains the awesome house we got.

“Thank you for your help Vespi; I hope we can count on your help a lot in the future” She said, with an affectionate smile

“The honor is mine princess” I said; I already knew she liked me over my other friends. I was the only one that normally said “princess” or “mam”, and as Boris would put it I “Don’t talk like I shoved my fist up your flank”.

“I’m glad to hear that Vespi; the head of the guard will brief you both on your next assignment.” She said

“Wait who’s the head of the guard?” I asked

“My husband” Luna said; I barely had noticed her on the other throne.

“Nico you are the head of the guard? Not half bad” Tyler said

“Thanks now come with me” He said motioning to a door on the side of the throne room. The 3 of us entered as discretely as possible.

“Okay so what is next?” I asked

“We knocked the Red Hooves down a peg but there are plenty, and I mean plenty, of factions still begging to be knocked down.”

“How may exactly?” I questioned

“Well off of my head I can think of the Blue Team, the Family, DT Rebels, District Demolition, Smugglers, Assassins, and last but not least the United Ponies in Arms” Nico said; I had to admit he looked impressive considering this was my old friend. He wore a golden chest plate, golden helmet, and a blue cape.

“Which is next on the list?” Tyler asked

“The Family is our easiest target at the moment. Our informants tell us he is relaxing at his night club in downtown tonight; the 3 of us are going to infiltrate and steal some more information.”

“Shouldn’t we just kill him?” I asked

Nico smiled “Even better idea”

I gave Rarity a call saying I wouldn’t be coming home tonight; she sounded sad but understood when I said the princess needed me.

The next 3 hours ticked by slowly; every second as it seems took longer and longer. But I was relieved when the clock hit 9.

“You guys ready?” Nico asked

“Born ready” I replied

The Club

“This is the place I think” Nico said; the 3 of us looked on the marked building “MP and Vinyl”; MP sounded familiar but I couldn’t put a name on it.

“Alright so we need a way to get past the bouncer” Tyler said pointing towards a burly looking stallion guarding the entrance.

“Let’s just walk in” Nico said; I was kind of relieved knowing we were going on a mission in a club, not a pony favela or a slum; just an innocent looking night club.

“Okay guys follow my lead” I said; the 3 of us walked into the line, trying our best to blend in with the crowd of other party goers. We waited anxiously for a good 10 minutes before it was our turn to go up. I scurried by the giant guard; but he waved a giant hoof blocking Tyler from going on.

“Sorry” He said “You got to be a pegasus or a unicorn to enter” He said; good thing I got Boris to change my appearance.

“Well that is pretty gay” Tyler said “You’re not even a pegasus or unicorn!”

“That is why I’m outside bud; now scram” He said pushing Tyler back some. Tyler looked like he was about to shit bricks but I managed to whisper to him “Try the back” without the guard hearing (Somehow).

By the time we were in the doorway we could hear that loud hard style that we all knew and loved.

“I love dubstep” Nico said with a chuckle

“This isn’t dubstep though” I began “It is Italian Hard style” I said

“It is obviously dubstep” Nico said “You can hear the DJ dropping the bass the entire time!”

“Exactly” I began “Dubstep still has some lyrics and semblance of a song; Italian Hard style is just 100% bass drop” I knew a lot about Italian Hard style; the only type of music known to man to keep some pony energized and pumped.

“So what do we actually have to do?” I asked; Nico hadn’t given me a lot of additional details; all he gave me was the bare essentials.

“We need to get in the private part of the club; but first we should unlock the back door for Tyler”

I sighed “I think he’ll find a way in; besides if any pony knows we brought in an Earth Pony we will get kicked out.”

Nico nodded “You’re right let’s get into the private section now; if I remember correctly it is on the 2nd floor.

I eyed the stairwell on the opposite side of the room; I had to admit the place looked nice. There were 2 bars, 1 on either side of the dance floor (Which was packed with unicorns and pegasus… no Earth ponies). On one side in a small room were the DJ and her equipment. It didn’t hit me off the bat but I realized it was Vinyl Scratch! If Vinyl was here Mike was probably around too!

“Hey Nico we should go find Mike he might be able to help us” I said

“Great idea where do you think he is?” Nico asked sardonically; I had to admit if he was somewhere on the dance floor it would be near impossible to find him in the middle of the pony mass.

We walked down the stairs from the entrance warily checking every pony for Mike; at first we couldn’t find Mike but Nico found something better.

“Hey Vespi, isn’t that Twilight Sparkle?” Nico asked; I looked out by the bar; there were several tables and booths were ponies could sit. In one of them were Twilight Sparkle and her friends Rainbow Dash and Applejack. I didn’t want to be nosy but since we were at a near dead end we chose to just listen to them for a minute.

“What are y’all so scared of?” AJ asked Twilight “it’s not like it hurts or nothing”

“I know that I’m just” Twilight said looking down at the wooden table near them, trying to form some sort of an excuse.

“Yea come on Twilight it’s not bad” Rainbow Dash said joining in “Just find some pony you like and dance near them”

“Ehh I’m not really a club mare” Twilight said shyly

“Come on you promised us you’d try” Applejack said

“Why is this even so important to you mares anyways?” Twilight asked “Were only 18”

Nico gave me a nudge “Weren’t Twilight and Mike… you know” He asked quietly trying to not draw attention to himself.

“I don’t know, I can’t trust anything Mike says” I said “Let’s just listen a little bit more”

Just like a charm Mike came up in their talk

“Hey didn’t y’all love Mike before y’all broke up?” Applejack asked

“No” Twilight said “He accidentally talked about Vinyl when we met in the maze; I realized he was lying… as usual” Twilight said

Rainbow Dash gave a haughty laugh “Wait so you’re a virgin!?”

Twilight just frowned “I think I’m just going to go home” She got up looking dejected and began trotting towards the staircase; last thing I wanted to do was being caught eavesdropping.

Luckily AJ was a kind pony “Wait Twilight sorry about giving y’all a hard time; can’t you just have a drink with us then?” She asked with a slapdash smile

“I don’t drink” Twilight said with yet another shy expression.

“Then we’ll drink water!” AJ said quickly. Twilight nodded and they headed back to their booth.

“That was a close one” I said

“Yea” Nico said “So Twilight is a virgin eh?” He gave a cackle

“Wait what are you guys doing?” Some pony asked; sadly whoever this pony was didn’t understand animal instincts. I turned around and bitch hoofed him in the face; not because he was dangerous or annoying, just unexpected.

“OW what the hell was that for!?” He asked; I turned around to see a white unicorn with orange hair covered by a backwards baseball cap. He wore big Vinyl Scratch like glasses but had red lenses instead. I knew those glasses like the back of my hoof; they were the glasses Vinyl gave to Mike as a present. I just slapped Mike!

“Sorry Mike you scared me” I said with a giggle “How’s it going?”

“Pretty good; I finally got a break, Vinyl is working as DJ.” He said; I was stunned to say this but he looked exactly like his old self

“Hey Mike can you get us into the VIP section where the boss is?” Nico asked; so much for being stealthy.

“Sure why not I was heading over there for break myself tag along.” Mike said

So we followed him; we went past the dance floor and onto the staircase on the other side of the room; we then headed into a narrow hallway which leads to a door; in front was another bouncer and lots of anxious ponies trying to get in.

“Okay assholes out of my way!” Mike said pushing every pony out of the way; the bouncer didn’t even bother to look a 2nd time and just opened the door for the 3 of us.

I had to admit the VIP section really sowed Mike alright. There were a couple couches a TV in the corner, a small kitchen in the other (Even though Mike never cooked) and maybe 20 ponies in the room besides us; most were fillies.

“So what brings you to the club? Did you get divorced yet Vespi?” he asked; frankly I doubted I would get divorced… ever.

“No I’m still happily married” I said “How are things with you and Vinyl”

Mike shrugged “Pretty good I guess; at first both of us as DJ lead to some competition but it all ended up as sexy fun in the end” Mike said “If you’re married why are you here then Vespi?” He said suspiciously

“Well we need your help Mike” Nico said; was he really going to tell Mike our entire plan?

“Yea what?” Mike asked

“Do you know about The Family?” Nico asked; shit!

Mike just cupped Nico’s mouth before he could finish.

“We can’t talk about them here follow me” Mike waved us over to what seemed to be his private room; inside was Tyler sitting on a couch.

“I knew you guys were up to something when I found Tyler scratching at the back door” Mike said

“Yea what the hell was that guys?” Tyler asked livid “Were you seriously going to let me die out there?”

“No” we both said in unison

“So what do you guys need to know about The Family?” Mike asked

“Isn’t their leader here or something?” I asked

“Yea Achille is down there in the club right now” Mike said “Bastard is trying to hustle me and Vinyl out of money. If you guys are going to take him down count me in.”

“Good that is what we are going to do” I said “Show us him and one of us will kill him; but who should do it?” I looked around the room; all three of my friends had their hooves on their noses.

“God dammit seriously guys” I asked; they didn’t move “Fine I’ll do it”

We headed back outside; this time though I was carrying a small concealed silenced pistol; any pony that “accidentally” looked at me wouldn’t even see it.

“See him? He is over there” Mike said; he pointed to a Earth pony in a suit and fedora talking to 2 similar clothed ponies.

“Let’s get him” I said

“I’m going to go up at the mixing table for the moment.” Mike said “Call me a pussy but if they found out I shot him they’d burn this place down!”

Mike was being a pussy, a smart pussy

“Good idea” I said “Tyler, Nico are you going to stay behind me?”

They both looked at each other and slowly nodded.

Our trio made its way slowly towards this pony, Achille. We tried our best to stay away from his line of site; but not completely trying to avoid his gaze.

“Sup there” I said; the three of us walked right over to his table, they were eating spaghetti with marinara sauce.

“Who the hell are you?” One of the guards barked

“I have a question first” Tyler asked stepping forward “How do Earth ponies like you get inside this establishment?”

“Who the hell wants to know?” The guard barked again; the other guard stood up in his seat

I whipped out the gun “SAXTON HALLLLLLLLLLEE!” I wasn’t very good with guns but at this range it would be impossible to miss. The first shot was delivered right to Achille himself; he dropped right into his meal of pasta. The 2nd and 3rd bullets went to the barking guard who flew back into his seat. The 4th bullet somehow missed but the 5th, 6th, and 7th bullets hit the last guard in the chest.

I expected every pony to all scream at once and charge for the exits, but not a single pony even looked our way.

“God bless silencers” I said with a chuckle “Now you put the bodies under the table and we can get out of here.”

“Wait why do we have to do that?” Tyler protested “Can’t you?"

“I shoot them you hide them” I said with a smile; the 2 grumbled as they pushed the 3 corpses under the table. Luckily the club was very dark which aided us; also we were blessed that no pony would want to sit at a table that already had some pony possibly sitting there (Or at a table with spaghetti con brains).

We headed back to Mike as quickly as possible; when he saw us near the mix table he came down, I guess he didn’t want Vinyl to hear him.

“Is he dead?” Mike asked

“Yup” I said “I think the Princess will want to see you”

“Fine” Mike said; he walked over to Vinyl and tapped her on the shoulder

“What is it?” She asked

“Vespi assassinated the head of the Family got to go talk to the princess now, love you.”

“Good to hear love you too.” She said giving him a sloppy kiss on the cheek

“Okay we can go now”

The 4 of us headed out of the club before I finally worked up the courage to ask mike a question

“Hey Mike didn’t you say you did it with Twilight in Discord’s maze?” I asked

“Ehh I lied” He said “I was going to but I accidentally talked about Vinyl for a quick second and Twilight found out.

“Poor virgin” Nico chuckled

Mike’s eyes became 2 giant saucers in an instant ‘Wait she’s a virgin?”

“Yuhuh” I said; before long all 3 of us couldn’t help but laugh.

“I don’t get it…” Tyler said

Welcome to the Mstislav

“Well we lost the Heavy…again” Yuri said taking off his glasses, while standing up to stretch out. The 4 of them had been anxiously sitting in the room for the last 3 hours, eagerly awaiting news from there friend who had volunteered to enter the realm and do what he pleases until further instruction. But like father and like son he died.

“There was another Heavy who went into Equestria?” Konstantin asked again; motioning for his friend Aleksey to check all of the systems again. Aleksey didn’t seem like the other Russians in the Mstislav; he was a short, small 24 year old with large glasses and wild brown hair. The others commonly gave him a hard time constantly calling him “Virgin Aleksey” over and over again. Frankly in Konstantin’s eyes there was nothing wrong with the man; he just didn’t fit in with this group of soldiers, mercenaries, and rogue smugglers.

“We lost the Heavy a first time?” Konstantin asked; Yuri is the only person who was there when the project began, and as it seems wasn’t very willing to tell Konstantin and the others every single detail of his past experience with his great grandfather, Boris.

“Yes” Yuri said “He was one of the first sent in after the first 7. He was shot by one of the other specimens in a freak accident.”

“Freak accident you say?” Konstantin asked

“Well the Heavy was working his way into a faction in Canterlot. 2 of the specimens came in to fight the faction and Heavy was killed in the fire fight.” Yuri said “Probably for the best though; that family wasn’t exactly the smartest family in Russia” Vladimir almost spat out his vodka at Yuri’s remark.

“I see” Konstantin said “Who will take his place?”

Vladimir and Yuri exchanged looks “We will see”

The next 2 days passed by like the last week; he and Aleksey worked hard on rebooting everything; meanwhile Vladimir and the others anxiously awaited the possibly of Neo-Nazis pressing into the Siberian wasteland. Fortunately the train line was sabotaged half way across Russia; hindering any sort of advance for at leastly a month or so.

After another day of sleeping in the humble little inn Konstantin showed up for work as usual; but before he could get to his work station one of the smugglers, Petrov stopped me

“Konstantin some of the guys need to talk to you in the meeting room” He said; wearing his Ushanka snuggly over his head. These smugglers as it seems were constantly making runs from this town and several other small villages to the cities to sell contraband and weapons to the Anti-Nazis. Some of the more “Cowardly” smugglers had switched sides and became informants as it seems during the beginning of the war. After several public executions and police cooperation smuggling became a serious job for only loyal rogues.

“Okay thanks Petrov” Konstantin said; walking calmly to the meeting room; the room where he first learned about the project. Inside was Yuri, the head of research, Vladimir, head of security, Chernov, head of supplies and two strangers.

“Konstantin this is Police Chief Fedorov and Mr. Sytsov the head of our organization” Vladimir said; Konstantin assumed the police chief was the young and energetic police officer in front of him.

The young man spoke up “I just want to say we are all for your anti-Nazism and will support you to our full extent. This includes supplies, information and if it comes to that man power.” The man spoke with a surprisingly auspicious tone. He didn’t sound pompous or too haughty but sounded confident, yet humble at the same time; someone who actually wanted to help the cause.

“So you are Mr. Caspersky” The other one said “I am Mr. Sytsov; the head of our organization, it is an honor to meet someone of Boris’s bloodline.”

“Thank you sir” Konstantin said; at this point little had been said about Sytsov from the others. Whenever his name came up it was almost always about how he fielded his own small army and a massive smuggling network, which of course funded the entire program.

“Konstantin we need to talk to you” Yuri said, his tone a tad too fatherly for Konstantin

“What do you need Yuri?” Konstantin asked

“After the disaster with our last specimen we need people we can trust and people we can depend on to not get killed.” Yuri said “That is why I volunteered to be the next specimen, and I hope you do too”

Konstantin just sat there for a moment; unsure what to say, as usual he was divided by the situation. He wanted to see this new mysterious world;; but wasn’t about to be trapped in a world he hated.

“Will we be able to get back into Russia?” Konstantin asked

“Yes the Virgin over here worked all night to finish it; we should have no problem getting back.” Yuri said he stood up and unexpectedly turned to the 2 latent guards on either side of Konstantin “Grab him”

Without a 2nd thought the 2 guards grabbed Konstantin hard; it was near impossible for Konstantin to get out now. He was trapped; even if he could wiggle his way out the 2 guards combined strength would easily over power him.

Vladimir then stood up; a knife in one hand and walked right up to Konstantin, the knife to his neck.

“Like I said we need people we can trust, people we can depend on” Yuri began “Can we trust you? CAN WE DEPEND ON YOU?”

Almost like a verbal command Yuri’s tone caused Vladimir to bring the knife an inch closer to Konstantin; the blade touching his throat.

“Do you want to be a part of the Mstislav? A part of a better Russia” Vladimir said taking control of the conversation

What the hell was Konstantin going to say besides yes? He could envision it now; Vladimir taking the knife and slashing at Konstantin’s throat, his body falling to the ground with a loud thump, tossed in a river, never to be heard of again.

“You can trust me” Konstantin said stuttering a little bit

“Can we?” Vladimir asked again

“Yes, yes you can!” Konstantin said

Yuri smiled “Release him” the 2 guards dropped him in his place.

“I’m proud of you Konstantin; we are going to train you as one of our own. We don’t expect you to be just brains; you are going to learn a lot of new skills to keep yourself and me alive.”

“When will we exactly going to be going?” Konstantin asked

“A month or 2 at the most” Yuri said “We need to finish up several more adjustments and of course train you “

Konstantin nodded slowly and absent mindedly. He was shook back into reality by Vladimir cutting his hand; Konstantin looked down and cursed in horror for a moment. The cut wasn’t deep, more of a paper cut then a knife wound.”

Vladimir smiled and let out a laugh “Welcome to the Mstislav”

Tag Alongs and Smugglers

I woke up as usual; but this time in a different house in a different city. Nonetheless my beautiful wife Rarity laid there next to me, peacefully sleeping. I didn’t want to wake her so I managed to barrel roll out of the bed; doing good before I landed on the floor giving out a loud clunking sound.

“Thanks for the wakeup call” Rarity said getting out of bed herself. She got up and walked over to the kitchen, probably making some breakfast for the 2 of us.

“How’d you sleep honey?” I asked

“Pretty good I guess” Rarity said “I promised the girls I’d meet them at Brony Square in an hour; those mares sure do like site seeing”

“Yea work has been tough for me” I said “I met my old friend Nico, the head of the guard, and he seems to be just like his old self. Sucks he is immortal”

Rarity looked up from her cooking “Nico has immortal?”

I nodded “Yup got it from Luna; that must be a sucky STD” I had to admit immortal life seemed terrible without some pony to endure it all with. Who would want to start as a cave man and watch as life died around him? Why would any pony want to watch the cemetery of the universe for the rest of day?

“True” Rarity said “The Gala is coming up soon huh? I guess you guys are going to host again?”

The Gala! God bless Celestia!

“Yup I think so, we just have 1 more job and then we get some nice R and R.” I said with a smile; it would finally be nice to have a day in Canterlot without being shot at.

“Sounds good to me” Rarity said giving me a kiss on the cheek

After my breakfast I got up and left, I headed down to the lobby and went to the nearby train station; a private car was there for me and my friends. When I entered I was relieved to see Tyler, Nico, Ayan, and Mike all sitting down having drinks, and one other guard who I had not seen before.

“Thank god you’re here Vespi we have 1 more mission” Nico said; I didn’t notice it at first but when I noticed it I nearly dropped my glass. Every pony was dressed up like a juggernaut; that massive armor, and that cumbersome helmet commonly wore by our very own accident prone Ayan.

“Like the suit?” Tyler asked with a grin; noticing my facial expression

“But ponies don’t know how to make Kevlar” I said “How will these things survive bullets?”

“Celestia has some kick ass powers” Nico said with a smile; or what I thought was a smile through that near opaque helmet.

I took a moment to study the other guard I didn’t know. He seemed to be a young colt like us; he was a white unicorn with curly brown hair nearly hidden by the golden helmet. He seemed to be sticking to himself in his own little corner of the train car; ignoring every pony else.

“Where’s my suit?” I asked excited; I’ve always wanted to feel like a juggernaut, just walking in front of hazard after hazard letting dangerous stuff just fly by me without a fear.

“You aren’t getting one” Tyler said with a smile “We need one guy to go with Silver Shield to find an informant; and you are it.”

I frowned “Wait why me? Who Chose?”

“I did” Tyler said “I chose you because you turned me yellow; you know dam well I hate yellow!” It seemed more like a joke than anything else; Tyler seriously didn’t like yellow though.

“Okay… who is this informant?” I asked

“Our old friend Dan; you, Twilight and Silver Shield are going to go get some info from him; maybe even turn him to our side”

“Silver Shield and Twilight” I asked “Where does Twilight come in?”

“You are meeting up with her at the Wonderbolt training center; I guess you want to meet Silver Shield?” Nico said; the other pony looked up for the first time and cleared his throat.

“Umm hello I’m, I’m Silver Shield” He said “Pleased to meet you”

“Sup” I said “So anything else I should know? Or do you like blind siding me with everything?” I looked around; everyone began to laugh

“2 things” Mike said; he tossed me a bag, I looked inside. There was a golden chest plate and a helmet inside

“You’re in the Royal Guard now” Nico said “And Silver Shield is now your subordinate; any questions?”

“Do you ever bother to ask me about any of this stuff?” I asked “What was a vacation now became my job!”

I quickly tossed my new uniform on as Nico began to talk

“Whatever here is your stop; the informant is waiting for you; Twilight Sparkle with explain everything to you.”

The train began to grind to a halt; the door opened and Silver Shield rushed for the door

“Enjoy” Tyler said; before I could flip him off the door closed again and the 2 of us were stuck here in the middle of the street.

“So this is the Wonderbolt HQ eh?” I asked; I had to admit it was a building fit for professional athletes. It almost looked like the Pantheon in a way, or an old library with those marble pillars outside; but other than that I could tell it was a massive building; was there some sort of training field in there too?

“Okay let’s go find the informant” I said, motioning for Silver Shield to follow, he didn’t

“Um I think your friend wanted us to um wait for this Twilight Sparkle” He said shyly. Without a second to spare I felt a tap on my shoulder; I turned around to see Twilight Sparkle standing there.

“Well hi Vespi! I guess they sent you on this mission huh?” She asked; for Twilight Sparkle she seemed to be excited

“Yup” I said “O Twilight this is Silver Shield, Silver Shield this is Twilight” Silver Shield silently approached her and smiled he gave out a hello before I began heading into the building, the 2 others obviously followed.

“Yes I’m looking for Royal Royce” I said; I sure hoped that Dan kept to his name, if he didn’t we’d be screwed.

“Royal Royce is in training and cannot be disturbed now thank you and have a nice day.” The mare at the front desk said. These were the types of people I hated; the mares like this that had their heads of their asses all day; doing nothing but act like dicks for the sake of acting like dicks because they can get away with it.

“We are working on behalf of Princess Celestia” I said “I advise you give me some directions.”

The accountant scowled “Fine; he is on break in the break room; do you need directions for the break room?” She asked in a snide voice; I could feel my hoof begging me to bitch slap her; but I couldn’t do anything stupid.

“No thank you very much” I grumbled; we headed through the door and immediately got lost. I didn’t really know where the break room was; fortunately I knew some pony that did. I saw Ace out on the first floor; talking to some mare.

“Sup Ace” I said; Ace instantly turned around, the mare on the other hand began to shy away.

“Thanks for cock-blocking bro, what do you need?” He asked

“Where is the break room? We need to talk to Dan” I said

“And I think I need to talk to this one” Ace said with a chuckle looking at Twilight; she just began to grimace.

“Fine, fine, fine be that way; 2nd floor first door on your right.” He said

“Jerk” Twilight muttered as we were walking away. We headed up the stairs closest to us and found the room that Ace was talking about. Inside was a lot like the inside of the VIP lounge at Mike’s club; on one of the couches was the lounging Dan, taking a nap as it seems.

“Doctor Faggot” I said; shaking him to wake up “Doctor Faggot” I repeated

“Umm how should we wake him up”?” Silver shield asked; I simply grabbed a nearby book and smashed it right into his balls

He fell off the couch and with cat like reflexes jumped up

“What the hell was that for Ace?” He asked

“It isn’t Ace; Silver Shields hold him” I said; Silver Shield just shied away

“Fine Twilight hold him down with your magic” I said; fortunately she complied and pinned Dan to the wall.

“We need some answers” I said “What do you know about smuggling operations?”

“What you mean Conor’s business?” He asked

“Umm yea” I said “You know a lot about it?”

Dan shrugged “Yea; Conor’s mini army is about to through a coup; need my help?” He asked

“Sure why not; how’d you know we were working for the princess?” I asked

“Because your obviously in the Royal Guard” He said; I had to admit the armor looked badass but wasn’t much for blending in

“Fine I’ll help you; we got to hurry though the others said that they were going to start the coup pretty soon and that will be pretty bad. “ Dan said “Do you have any guns?”

Silver Shield coughed a little bit “Umm do, do we have to fight then Vespi?”

“Of course we have to” I said “Now stop being a pussy and let’s hurry to the smugglers hideout. Dan you know the way?”

“Sure” Dan said

“Okay, Twilight get on my back we can fly there” I said; Twilight jumped (A little too enthusiastically) on my back

“Wait ponies can hold onto you while you fly?” Dan asked “Pro”

“Dam right, Silver Shield get on Dan’s back and let’s fly”

***

If you were 5 blocks away from Mike, Tyler, Nico or Ayan you’d only hear cursing, screaming and gunshots.

“Hey were is Ayan” Tyler asked; it was hard to breath, hard to see, hard to hear and hard to basically do anything in the suit. If it wasn’t for microphones inside the suit no pony would know what was happening.

“He fell and still can’t get up” Nico said “Noob”

“Noob” Tyler repeated “Okay so now what we just go into this building?”

“Yup” Mike said “Damn this is like Cod but real life! I need 3 more for an attack helicopter!”

“Whatever let’s keep moving this is awesome” Tyler said “How are you guys doing on ammo?”

“Meh okay I guess” Nico said

“Good I stole all of Ayan’s ammo” Mike said with a laugh

“Okay guys this is the place” Nico said; the trio looked onto a normal looking 2 story building, well normal enough besides the armed guards camping with a flak cannon, trenches and barbed wire right outside. So this stuff would be normal in Newark…

“UAV ONLINE”

“Wait what? Who said that?” Mike asked; he turned to the other 2 juggernauts that were both slowly jogging towards the building with him.

“I called in my UAV before I fell over” Ayan said; he was still lying on his back like a turtle.

“Attack Helicopter online” The mysterious voice said again

“Nico was that you?” Tyler asked

“No?” Nico responded

“TACTICAL NUKE IMBOUND” The voice said again

“Jesus you guys got a tactical already?” Mike whined

There was a cackle and the mysterious voice revealed itself as none other then the scientist.

“Alright I’ve been gone for 6 months and I return to this?” He asked “What happened?”

“Shit happened” Mike said

“Fine, fine, fine; I have great news too! My grandson was born yesterday” The old scientist gave a smile

No one spoke

“Aren’t you guys happy for me?” He asked again, his voice filled with glee and joy

“Sure; we are just busier shooting smugglers then hearing you talk” Mike said

“Fine” The Russian sighed “Have a nice day faggot”

The voice was gone

“That was mean of you!” Nico said

“Fine we need to find a way inside” Mike said

Five minutes later *** Five minutes later

“Come on you 3 we need to see what is going on!” I said; we managed to fly to the area Dan was talking about and seemed to miss the main fire fight. Several dead smugglers lay dead on the street and also 1 Juggernaut Ayan laid there, alive but unable to move.

“O my god are they dead?” Silver Shields asked

“Yes now come on” I said; pushing him inside the house. I was stunned to see the inside of the house was an even bigger blood bath then the 1 outside, several more smugglers laid dead.

“Good evening chaps” I could hear in the distance; I didn’t care what danger there was now, my juggernaut comrades were sure to of cleared out the house with ease. Although Silver Shields still hid behind me and Dan like a mare we quickly found the room where the voice could be heard from, echoing all over the house. In a small white room was a swivel chair; on it was little Conor in a tweed suit with a white cat on his lap.

“Sup Conor” Nico said “Sup Vespi, Twilight, Dan, Shields”

Silver Shield was about to say something but I cut him off

“What is going on”

“Me and Barkers over here were discussing world domination before you lads dropped by” Conor said; his accent a surprising English tone.

“We were sent here to stop your smuggling operation.” Tyler said “Stand down or face our ass kickery”

“Whatever” Conor said; he tossed his cat Barkers off his lap and got up “These guys were going to throw a coup anyways; now what?”

I looked around and smiled; in this room were my favorite 6 friends on an adventure, even though we all were originally against one another.

“I don’t care let’s go to the castle” Nico said with a smile

“To the castle!” We chanted

Pre-Gala party

I was kind of relieved to be in the company of my friends. We were all kind of on an edge (Especially Silver Shield) after what happened today; so Princess Celestia said any pony was welcome to spend the night in the castle. I wasn’t about to pass over sleeping happily in a bed with my wife then in a cold hard bunk in the castle’s sprawling barracks. To remedy this situation I invited Rarity over; everything seemed okay.

“Feel free to anything in the wine cellar” Princess Celestia said with a giggle; apparently after all of the ceremonial guards and regal titles she was just like any other mare. Besides the immortality part

Before long we found a nice room and had ourselves a private party, thanks to my wife. Before long Rarity invited her friend Roseluck, who in turn invited her friends Lyra and Bon-Bon, who in turn invited their friends, Flying V, Soarin, and… well you now know how it went; before midnight there had to be 50 guests in the castle; all through a kind of tree process like that.

I had to admit private parties like these were nice, compared to the massive adventures of the Grand Galloping Gala. In the Grand Galloping Gala you didn’t know what the hell was going on; all you knew was “Time to solve everyone else’s problems”.

“So what do you guys want to do now?” Dan asked Tyler

“I don’t know man; I think I see a good mare or two in this crowd” Tyler joked back

Silver Shield asked nervously “So you guys just talk to mares that easily?”

I couldn’t help but laugh at that; we were grown up, it isn’t the middle school bull crap anymore.

“Of course, don’t you?” Tyler said with a joke

“Not really…” Silver Shield said with a shy smile

“Okay cool” Dan said “See some nice mares Tyler?”

Tyler took a sip of his beer “Not anything excellent, B+ at best” We all shared a nice laugh, except Silver Shield

“What’s the matter Silver Shield? You look nervous” I asked; frankly this colt aggravated me. He was nice and all but he was damn too shy, it was the opposite of me and my friends.

“O, o nothing” He murmured

“Yea you’re sweating like shit” Dan said with a chuckle “I’m going to go find a mare, Silver Shield do you want to come?”” I could tell it was more of a joke to make Silver Shield uncomfortable then an actual invite.

“No, you can go on without me” Silver Shield said

“Come on why not?” Dan pursued; perhaps it was an actual invite

“I’m just…um” He said, managing a fake cough to cut himself off

“Wait what?” Tyler asked

“I’m just you know” He said

“I don’t know what you are talking about bro” I said

“Well aren’t you guys too?” He asked; I didn’t have any clue what he was talking about.

“Aren’t what?” Dan asked

“You know… going to stay abstinent or something?” He asked; I literally dropped my beer. Tyler and Dan had the same reactions, all 3 of us just bursted out laughing.

“Are you serious kid?” Dan asked

“Well um yea” Silver Shield said, obviously embarrassed “Aren’t you guys you know that too?”

This didn’t help at all; I was practically crying this shit was so funny

“Of course not” Dan said “Virgin and Wonderbolt are opposites”

Silver Shield turned to me “Aren’t you?”

“I’m married and even before that no” I said, it took me some time but I finally stopped crying, and eventually laughing.

“I guess you’re not either then” Silver Shield said, addressing the comment towards Tyler

“No” Tyler said bluntly “Please tell me this is some kind of joke”

“Sorry” Silver Shield said “I’m, I’m, I’m just not good with mares okay?”

I laughed again “I can tell”

Silver Shield just slumped into his seat, humiliated and embarrassed

“Relax kid” I said “We’ll help you”

He gave me a nervous smile “Thanks I guess”

“Is there some mare you like?” Tyler asked

“Well there is this one mare I kind of like.” Silver Shield confessed “She is nice, and funny, and likes books like me, and-“

“Twilight?” We all asked in unison. He gave a slight nod

“Then just talk to her” Tyler said “This isn’t rocket science”

“Alright” Silver Shield said, trying his best to hide his anxiety “I think she is in the library”

“Lead the way then” I said

***

We headed to the library immediately; the entire time the 3 of us told Silver Shield everything we knew.

“Always act nice, and don’t be a slob”

“Be a gentlecolt”

“Learn how to use your tongue”

“Wait, what?” Silver Shield would constantly ask. Time after time we would have to tell him the entire story and why it was important. I never knew walking to a library would take so long, but after 20 minutes or so we could hear Twilight and Rainbow Dash talking in the library.

“Thanks for helping me with all of these books Dashie” Twilight said; we began to approach the doorway into the vast library.

“So what do I say again?” Silver Shields said again; he was now sweating like a pig

“Just act natural” I said, he gave me a terse nod

Although the hallway felt like walking on a never ending walk way we finally came to the door to the massive 3 story library. I gave a quick peak inside; I saw Twilight on a ladder picking through row after row of hefty books.

“Go get them tiger” I said

“What, what do I do?” He squeaked

“Jesus Christ! Just offer your help and carry her books, go from there” Tyler said, we almost had to push Silver Shield into the library; thank God Rainbow Dash was shifting through her own wall of books.

Silver Shield slowly and cautiously walked up behind Twilight.

“Um hey Twilight” He said; Twilight turned around

“O um hey….” Twilight said

“O um it is Silver Shield” he said

Behind the cover of the wall Tyler whispered “She doesn’t know his name, he is screwed”

“Give him a chance; if it gets really bad then you go in and bail him out, alright?” I whispered back; Tyler nodded and we returned to watching Silver Shield.

“Getting some nice books?” He asked

“Actually yes” Twilight Sparkle said “Do you like books?

“Um yea actually” Silver Shield said “Mind if I join you?”

Twilight turned around “Okay, but I’m just picking out books to read them in my room” She said

“O okay then” Silver Shield said

“Well this went to shit fast” Dan whispered “Get in there Tyler”

“No” Tyler said, I was busy listening to the conversation in front of me to notice the game my friends were playing. I turned around to see they both had their hooves on their noses.

“Come on guys I’m married” I protested; they didn’t change their response

“Fine”

I walked in as naturally as possible; not really focusing on the 3 other ponies in the room but rather just admiring the architecture, yes the architecture.

“There you are Silver Shield” I said “Celestia wants you on guard duty”

“Hey but wait!” He protested, before he could unravel things anymore I pushed him out of the room.

“O hey Vespi!” Twilight said with a smile “How is it going?”

“Good thanks” I said “What are you mares reading?”

“O nothing really, care to stay for a little bit?” Twilight asked

“No sorry I got to hurry to get on guard duty” I said; trotting towards the door “See you though”

Twilight looked like she was going to say something else but I disappeared behind the opaque wall before she could spit it out.

“Why would you do that!?” Silver Shield asked in his customary shaky voice

“You fucked up man” Tyler said “Better luck next time”

Silver Shield let out a sigh and began to head towards the barracks.

“That must suck” Dan said quietly, we all nodded

“Better luck next time” Tyler said

I chuckled “Better luck next time”

We all began to head back to the original room; on the way I felt a hoof tap me on the back. I turned around to see Princess Celestia behind us;

“O, hello princess” I said

“I saw what happened behind there” She said, I had to admit 50% of me was awe struck and the other 50% scared to death. Princess Celestia seemed like the type of mare that was inspirational; living for 1000 years regulating life in Equestria. That other 50% was scared because she could banish me to the moon. You saw what happened on Apollo 18! Like hell I’m getting space herpes!

“Vespi I need to have a talk with you” Princess Celestia said; I began to get nervous. Was I in serious trouble now?

“Um okay” Tyler said “See you Vespi”

They began to walk the other way; Princess Celestia began walking the other way, I followed. We headed into a nearby room, apparently the princess’s secondary chamber (Of like 12 personal chambers). The second the door closed I was literally stunned when the regal Princess Celestia just practically jumped me; before I could even protest she just kissed me (Her weight nearly knocked me over) and groped me. I jumped back; for a split second falling down on 1 knee before scrambling up and making quick distance from the princess.

“What the hell is wrong with you!?” I asked gasping

The princess just gave a little giggle “O Vespi you know so little…” She began to walk towards me a few paces, I stumbled back.

“I’m married!” I said, trying to form a coherent defense

“And I’m the princess” She said “You know so little that I know”

“I’m married!” I repeated she took several more paces towards me; for a quick second I almost stepped forward (I have no clue). I instantly turned back and ran for the door.

Just as I opened the door she closed it and locked it with her magic

“I know about Boris, Michael” She said; I turned around horrified. My darkest secret was in the hand of my enemy

“But…how!?” I asked

“I can read minds” She said “Maybe a little bird will tell Rarity about this if that little bird doesn’t get what she wants” I stumbled up against the door. She walked right up to me, her face maybe 3 or 4 feet away from me now.

“But…but…BUT!” I said, I could barely think anymore

“Relax” She said “it will hurt me more then it hurts you, seriously” she gave out a kinky giggle

I literally (Seriously) shat a brick.

Fortunately I had a guardian angel; from outside the door I heard a rapping

“Princess are you in there? We need you out in ball room 4” He called; thank god another guard!

“Just a minute” The princess cooed she then gave me a harsh whisper “I’ll be back; do not tell anyone what just happened, or so god help me I will eat your VAS DEFERENS!”

She gave me a quick kiss and said

“Love you”

I stepped out of the way and the princess trotted out. I didn’t leave for a good 10 minutes I wanted the guard to be far away by the time I left, the last thing I wanted was to be spotted.

I quickly ran through the hall ways to the ball room.

“Dan you will not believe WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED!”

Princess Molestia

Cloppery inbound; short story: Vespi gets raped and Slender man wants his 20 dowwah

-Vespi

“Are you serious?” Dan asked; of all the people I trusted with such a dangerous secret it was either Dan or Nico. But Nico was directing the guard at the moment so the only person I could vent to was Dan.

“Yup; what should I do?” I asked; Dan didn’t seem too sympathetic sadly, he seemed more anxious to spread the idea like wildfire. Which would probably get Dan killed, me raped, and god knows what to Rarity.

“I’m going to go tell Tyler” Dan said; I instantly grabbed him by the hoof

“Fine but, let me tell them. Meet me outside in 10 minutes.”

***

“You got to be kidding me” Mike said; I don’t really know what hell I just broke loose. All I know is that I now have 6 friends and a Silver Shield who know this gossip.

“You guys cannot tell ANY PONY” I warned “NO ONE CAN KNOW!”

“Why?” Tyler asked

“Because she can apparently read minds” I said “If it hits the fan she is bringing us down with her. She is going to end up telling every pony what happened…”

Everyone looked stunned; I had the feeling that something like this would be a critical blow against us.

“Wait umm, what happened?” Silver Shield asked

“Don’t worry about it” Mike said

“Wait, WAIT GUYS!” Ayan screamed “I got an idea!”

We all turned to Ayan

“What?” I asked

“Okay here is the plan” Ayan began “Let’s have Silver Shield begin calling her Princess Molestia behind her back; then we get every pony to do it. Eventually she will get pissed and…”

“Ayan what the hell would this do?” Conor asked

“I don’t know; I thought it would like solver everything” Ayan said; flipping his mane

“Congrats Ayan; you officially have the IQ of a dolphin” I said; some of the guys laughed but frankly it wasn’t a joke.

“I don’t know what to tell you” Nico said “If I had to, confront her and talk it over with her. That is the only way I can think of to solve this entire thing without ruining everything.”

Frankly that sounded like a retarded idea; but then again Nico was the head of the guard. I guess I could try and talk it over with her.

“Fine” I mumbled “But no pony here can tell ANY PONY!”

“Can I tell my pet gerbil?” Ayan asked

“NO” I barked; everyone gave some sort of approval.

“Well good luck with your talk Vespi” Nico said “I think I should be heading back myself in like 5 minutes”

“Yea me too” Conor responded

“Same” Mike said “That mix table doesn’t work itself”

“Okay guys; if you think so I’ll go talk to her about it” I said; just the thought of coming near the princess made me cringe. But if my friends thought it was the best route then I guess I couldn’t lie.

“Yea I would” Tyler said “I’d carry a Taser or something though”

“I don’t think Tasers work on the princess” Nico responded; the joke did calm me down a little; but not as much as I would of wanted.

I began to head out of the courtyard now; my will steeled by my friend’s advice. I began to head to the princesses private chamber (The same one I was almost molested in) expecting her in there. Fortunately she wasn’t in there; after several times knocking I gave up and walked to her primary bed chamber. I was relieved mainly because it gave me some more time to form a speech for the princess. I also ran back to my room (Thank god Rarity wasn’t there) and got dressed up in my uniform. It might be useful.

After a 10 minute walk I finally reached her personal chamber; sadly outside were 2 solemn guards. Each was standing on either side of the door, it would be nearly impossible to get by them without having them alerted. If only I played the stealth missions on Assassins Creed.

I then realized I was in the guard (Thank god I wore my uniform!); I could just say that it’s my turn for guard duty. That actually seemed to work. I chose to walk right up to them and just use that tactic.

“Sup guys” I said “It is my turn for guard duty you guys are dismissed” The 2 guards looked at each other confused

“You need 2 guards to guard the princess’s door” The older one said

“Also we don’t get off for break for another half an hour” The younger one chirped in

“Don’t worry about my friend he is in the bathroom” I said “You guys have fun, I have nothing to do for half an hour.”

The 2 guards looked at each other for a moment before heading down the hall I had just came from. I stood there, mimicking them until they got out of my line of sight. From there I took a deep breath and thought everything out in my head.

I would need to talk to the same princess who almost molested me before. I need to convince Princess Celestia (Or Molestia) to not molest me, but rather Mike, or Tyler or Nico!

I took one last deep breath and opened the door. I was relieved for a split second to see that the first room was more of a foyer, no pony was in there. Sadly there was a bedroom somewhere around, I could hear music from another room. I cautiously walked into the next room which served as a living room of some sort. I could see the lights were on in the next room; that was the same room where the music was coming from as well. I took a final deep breath and creaked open the door.

“Princess are you in there?” I asked, for a moment I felt like just running off. Maybe she wouldn’t know I told any pony else…

“I know you told your friends now get your ass in here” The Princess ordered in a sweet voice. I let out a sigh that was right she could read minds, apparently through walls too.

I opened the door and there she was, Princess Molestia herself sitting on her bed, a glass of champagne in her hoof and “I can’t tell you why” by the Eagles in the background. Dam!

“Umm Princess Celestia we need to have a talk” I said

“Please call me Nicole” Princess Celestia said, taking a small sip out of her champagne

“I’d rather not” I said, I was beginning to sweat like crazy.

“I am flattered and all but you have to understand that I am married-“ I was cut short as the princess used her magic to take off my helmet.

“I’m sorry you just looked so hot” She said with a flirty giggle

“I want you to know that I’m flattered and all but I just can’t, I’m sorry.” I said; I began to open the door, only for my hoof to be knocked back and the door locked with Celestia’s magic.

“Relax” She said with another sip of her champagne “Have some of this amontillado, it is delicious”

I gave out a loud and obnoxious exhale “Fine, one drink and that is it, nothing else”

I reached out for a 2nd glass, placed on her nightstand; she didn’t try and pounce on me or anything just levitated the glass and poured me a glass. I then scurried over to the door and took a quick swig of the alcohol, had to admit it was spectacular.

“You think it is spectacular?” Celestia asked with a smile

“Kind of” I lied “So why do you want to…you know…molest me?” I actually cringed when I said that. Of all the people I feared was the princess, the same pony who could send me to the moon for 1000 years.

“I don’t know” The princess said absent mindedly swirling her half a glass of champagne “Why did you come here?”

“Because I need to talk this out with you” I said “We are both ponies and can talk this out.”

“Sure we can” Princess Celestia said “Besides if I wanted to I could let you molest me”

Wait what?

“Yes I can” She said with a giggle “I can turn any pony into a puppet.”

Really? I doubt it was the truth but…wait what the hell! I went from standing near the door, eyeing my empty glass to being mounted by Princess Celestia on her bed, my remaining armor stripped.

“See” She said with a giggle “Now for the real fun”

I tried to move, to wiggle my way out but sadly she was just too strong. Her combined weight and strange strength caused me to be pinned to the bed.

“Okay I get it you can get off of me” I said, creating a fake laugh

This didn’t help much. She dropped down to give me that same forceful kiss she had given me before; she then again reached for my privates again; causing me to jump.

“Please stop!” I yelped; not only did I feel humiliated and embarrassed and frankly I did hate myself now (Getting myself in this terrible situation and for listening to my friend’s shit advice) I was also ashamed to admit I was…

“Aroused?” The princess said, releasing the kiss. It wasn’t that I was sexually attracted to the princess it was just natural to become hard when something like this happens.

“Okay listen princess just listen for a second” I said; this was my last chance. The difference between an awkward 2nd start and getting molested

The princess for a second closed her eyes and gave out a loud exhale

“Fine I’ll give you a choice” She said “This or I eat your vas deferens”

“What is my vas deferens?” I asked, we probably talked about this in Health but 95% of the time I was distracted laughing at the word Fallopian Tube.

“You know where your urine comes from?” She asked “That place”

I looked down at my member for a second and gave a comical gulp. Last thing I wanted was my dick to be eaten off.

“I guess this is it” She said

I tried my best to turn onto my back, anything to get out of the current situation; sadly she held me down with ease. I then realized it would be nearly impossible to overpower the princess like this.

“Yea you are right” The princess said; she then crawled on her knees for a moment, bringing her mare hood right near my mouth

I gave out one last plea for help “NICO! TYLER! CONOR! DAN! MIKE! AYAN! SILVER SHIELD! JESUS! SUPER MAN! CAPTAIN PRICE! SOAP! OSAMA! MARTIN LUTHER KING! OBAMA! SLENDER MAN! EMINEM! KEITH RICHARDS! MONTY PYTHON! GIRO! MASTER CHIEF! DAVE CHAPPELE! CURTIS! OJAY SIMPSON! CAESAR! EVERY WHIGGER! RALPH NADAR! ANY PONY PLEASE HELP ME!”

We waited a moment in complete silent. Would any pony answer my plea?

“Nice try Vespi” She said; slowly inching her mare hood closer and closer to my mouth “Now serve your princess”

I thought I was officially fucked; that was until I heard the sound of loud and pompous music coming from outside. For a second Princess Celestia jumped out of her position, just enough time for me to scramble away for a second. I stood stock still as the door flew open; the music intensified, a humanoid’s silhouette was seen through the dust. Who was it? Who saved my ass? The man appeared in plain sight. He was tall, ridiculously tall. He had arms that dropped nearly to the ground and wore a nifty suit with tie. His facial expression was blank; his entire face was devoid of features; there was no mouth, no eyes, no ears, no nothing. My prayers had been answered!

“SLENDER MAN!” I screamed with a fan girlish delight. The man jumped out right in front of Celestia like a defiant warrior. He then began to dance; the music intensified to the point it nearly popped my ear drum.

“Where did…what are you…WHAT DO YOU WANT!?” Princess Celestia said

“20 DOWWAH!” He screamed; Celestia was stunned, not only did a mouth less monster beg for money but he was also dancing like a monster. Both were very powerful components to putting Celestia in a position of shock.

I could not describe the dance he did. It was a devastating display of power on his part. Fortunately I found something

showing a portion of his power:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gT9r\_-oHJV0

I couldn't resist

-Vespi

Of the friends, politicians, and heroes I called out for the bad guy saves me! The monster who impales kids on trees is saving me!

As Celestia was stunned by the specter’s magic I slowly began to head for the door.

I was right at the door when Celestia snapped out of her trance. She charged her magic for a moment and a green piece of paper appeared in front of you…o god no. NO!!!!

“Here you go mister” She said levitating the 20$ bill into the air. The music stopped and the man reached out with one of his disproportionally large hands to grasp the small bill.

“Thanks hoe” He said, I watched in horror as he closed the door behind him as he left, Celestia once again locked the door with her magic.

I was then even more horrified as I once again realized I was trapped under Celestia on her bed, her mare hood ever closer to my mouth.

“No more exceptions” She said with a seductive voice; without another warning she just slammed her hips into my mouth, her vagina leading the way. Eating out Celestia was the exact opposite as eating out Rarity. Rarity was cautious, always giggling, and special in her own way. Celestia just wanted the feeling, no love, none of that crap. She was more forceful, it was basically like getting hit in the mouth with a bowling ball.

Celestia was practically sitting on my head. I could feel myself hyper ventilating. I could barely breathe, trying to move my head back as Celestia brought herself forward. I tried this for maybe 2 or 3 arduous minutes before I could barely focus. I was whether dying of rape or lack of oxygen, both at Princess Celestia’s hooves.

I finally gave up, half passed out I just stuck my tongue out just to get it over with. I didn’t have to do much else for that first dreadful minute but lay there half dead and move my tongue around a little bit. Eventually I felt Celestia’s breathing grow more acute and faster and heard moans slip out of her mouth. I finally heard her climax, she n turn then moved her mare hood down, back at the starting point.

“Was that so bad now?” She asked; I couldn’t really respond besides coughing and gasping for air.

I laid there for a couple minutes, suffering from probable brain damage from lack of oxygen. I couldn’t really focus anymore; all I could do was try and focus on the ceiling and its floral pattern. I finally felt a strange jolt and used most of my strength to sit up, or well halfway. I was chained to the bed.

“Like it?” Princess Celestia said; remounting me

I was too damn parched to even try and talk. Even after falling through a worm hole thing, getting shot at numerous times, and everything; I end up feeling most traumatized by getting molested by Nicole A.K.A. Princess Celestia.

The second I felt myself black out was the same second I felt a jolt of life course through my veins. I suddenly felt ridiculously alert, like I just sniffed cocaine or something.

“Sorry I just like that look on your face when I’m doing this to you” Celestia said “Hope you enjoy it”

How the hell was I supposed to enjoy getting molested? Unlike Rarity who was relaxed and circumspect, Princess Celestia just rammed into me, as though she was the…the stallion (Now I am humiliated, embarrassed, half dead, parched, and apparently the mare). Sadly whatever she did to me was working; I wasn’t able to black out, phase out, die or anything. I just had to lay there chained to the damn bed while getting molested.

Eventually I just gave in and did my best to deny reality at the moment. I imagined I was back on my honeymoon with Rarity, not in this cluster fuck of a situation.

Well this was going to make a good bro story…

The Last Stand

I woke up the next morning in my guest bed at the Canterlot Castle. I was relieved to see Rarity on the other side of the bed, peacefully sleeping with a clam smile on her face; her purple mane undisturbed by her relaxed breathing.

I got out of bed as quiet as possible, not making the smallest sound. I noticed a small paper on my nightstand. I picked it up, reading the small and neat hand writing

Dear Vespi

I hope you understand why I did what I did; a mare has to relieve herself after 1000 years. I hope you know why you cannot tell any pony about what happened. If you do, no pony can save you. Not you’re Ramirez, or your friends, and definitely not your wife. Slender man came into this world for a more fulfilling purpose then dancing for 20 dollars. Love you and I will see you during the Gala. Maybe wear something for me? I was thinking something spicy but I guess we can talk about it some other time, how does tonight sound?

Love Princess Celestia ;)

P.S. Don’t think I’m letting your friends get away with knowing either.

I gulped; o yea I got molested didn’t I? Those few moments you wake up is like taking amnesia. You have a nice relaxing feeling of tranquility. Now I just realized how serious this situation is, and how stupider I am. Not only did I cheat on Rarity (In a form) but now I have also as it seems endangered my friend’s lives. I had to find them before it was too late.

***

I ran into the dining room, or well the diner inside the castle. It was the place I had always seen my friends; they loved going there. There they were with Silver Shield, the 7 of them cheerfully dining on eggs and toast, bacon and brownies (Or well Conor was at leastly).

“Hey Vespi” Nico said “How’d it go with Princess Celestia?” Tyler stifled a laugh in the background of our conversation.

“Terrible” I muttered “I, I, I got molested guys” I said, Dan spat out his OJ, most of it landing on Mike’s mane.

“You did?” Mike asked stunned, ignoring the OJ in his mane “What did you do to piss her off?”

“I followed Nico’s advice” I said, there was a solemn silence in the air for a split second. Then out of nowhere every pony cracked up.

“Why would you follow Nico’s advice?” Dan asked

“But you guys said…” I said, I then realized it was a joke. They assumed I was full of crap and was lying, so they gave me stupid advice.

“It was a joke!” Nico said “Seriously man, why would you do that?”

“Well screw you guys but we have a bigger problem” I said, I prepared to drop the bomb “She is going to get you guys, I don’t know what she will do but it will be bad.”

There was an actual silence for once

“Nice” Tyler joked

“Not nice” Mike said “I got a mare, Nico has a wife, I don’t know if Ayan is even a fucking pony, I don’t really care about Silver Shield, Vespi has a wife for now and-“

“For now?” I asked

“Did you tell her about getting molested?” Mike asked

“Of course not; she’d understand either way” I said

“Sure” Mike said

“Whatever, I got a plan though” I began “Anyone know anything about surviving against monsters?”

Every pony but Silver Shield raised his hand

“Good; we are getting guns, armor, a camping spot, and Issac Clarke and we are going to survive through this night.”

“Wait whose Issac Clarke?” Silver Shield asked

“The most bad ass loner ever” Mike said

“Exactly” Mike said “But what do you mean as armor? Like juggernaut suits?”

“Even better” I said

***

“Hello and welcome to the Clarke Store how may I help you?” The voice sounded like Issac himself; I was relieved to know he had a store that dropped parcels into 99.7% of the universe.

“Hello am I speaking to Mr. Clarke himself?” I asked

“Yes, what can I get for you?” He returned

“What do you have in the form of pony armor?” I asked

“We have a wide selection of armor ranging from engineering suits to advanced elite suits. What would you like?” He asked cordially

“Is there any weight/unit limit?” I asked

“No weight limit or unit limit” He returned

“Okay we will have

1 Engineering Suit

1 Security Suit

1 Riot Security Suit

1 Zealot Security Suit

1 Vintage Suit

1 Hacker Suit

1 Artic Security Suit

And also a 1 liter bottle of Pepsi”

There was a long silence

“Okay I believe I got everything; these 7 suits will cost you exactly 100000 bits.”

I removed the phone from my head for a split second every pony nodded

“Okay sounds good; what do you have for guns?” I asked

“We have your basic armament of military weapons that are obtainable to civilians” Clarke said

“Okay just 8 plasma cutters, 5 pulse rifles, a detonator, and 2 seeker rifles” I said

“Okay sounds good to me; 8 suits, 8 plasma cutters, 5 plasma rifles, a detonator and 2 scout rifles. Hope you don’t mind me asking but what are you going to do with all this stuff?” He inquired

“There is a crazy princess trying to molest us!” Ayan screamed from the background

“………Vespi is that you?” He asked; I cringed, I was afraid he was still angry at me for getting him killed.

“Yea” I said

“Why didn’t you just say so? I’ll bring you your stuff and come there to back you up.” He said; I was relieved. Not only did we have guns, armor, and 7 rape shields, we also now have Issac Clarke!

“Okay guys” I said putting down the phone “Here is the game plan. We are going to go into the forest at around 11. We are going to find a choke point and camp there with Mike. Silver Shield you have the detonator and Mike, you and Dan got the seeker rifles, since hopefully they have the best shots. Everyone else has pulse rifles; any questions?”

Mike raised his hand

“Why the hell don’t we just bribe the princess?” Mike asked

“Because this is a hell of a lot cooler way of doing things” I said “I’ll meet you in the courtyard at 11 guys”

***

I was relieved to see all of my friends there; I was even relieved to see the quit and pensive Silver Shield there. Everyone managed to have an alibi (Including me) to be out here at this time.

“Perfect, follow me guys” I said; during the day I talked with Clarke over the phone to find a location to meet up. We chose at the beginning of the forest outside, far away so no pony could see us but close enough so we wouldn’t get lost, would be a nice place.

We walked for 25 minutes before I saw Issac’s visor from afar. He was wearing one of those advanced suits and carrying his own pulse rifle.

“O my god what is he?” Silver Shield asked

“Don’t worry about it” We all said in unison

We spent another 20 minutes searching for a location. We finally agreed on a high plateau like area near a mountain. Although it was too far away to ruin it was still a safe place with a choke hold.

“Come and get it” Issac Clarke said, levitating down the heavy box. If it was Christmas today would be a good Christmas, all of the weapons and armor were there. I instantly lunged for the Riot Security suit; I was also amazed on how the suits almost put themselves on.

“Okay so what exactly do we do?” Issac asked

“I guess we…wait” I said; I grabbed my pulse rifle and just fired a couple rounds into a nearby rock for practice. Every pony did the same, for practice.

“So why do I only have this thing?” Silver Shield asked

“Make a perimeter with the mines, just put them over there” I said, pointing to the small entrance to this cave like area. It was some sort of cave for a while, but the roof and one entire side was blown clean off. It was the perfect place for a last stand.

With some help from mike Silver Shield managed to deploy 4 mines in a line by the entrance.

My thoughts were slashed open, I heard wings flapping, she was coming. I then realized how dumb I was.

“Vespi, how is this a choke hold if she can FLY?” Mike asked

“HACKER!” Issac screamed

“No she is an alicorn; she has a unicorn and can fly.” Silver Shield said

Silver Shields detonator was now useless; besides his plasma cutter he was completely defenseless.

I could see Celestia in the distance now; her features were not distinct now but I could see her silhouette in the dark midnight sky. Right before I was about to scream “Fire!” she stopped in mid-air. For a moment I let down my guard, what had caused her to stop? Then I saw her magic light up, o god.

This plateau was high up on a cliff mountain almost. She used her magic to cast a devastating bolt, it fired straight into the side of the mountain causing a massive explosion. The earth shook; we were going to hit the ground, hard.

I managed to hang on to the side of the mountain for a moment, but there was nothing to hold onto. Before long the mountain began to crumble from beneath us, the part that was directly hit was completely annihilated. That being that the mountain was falling lopsided; we were going to slip, get a hard landing then be crushed.

I couldn’t hold on anymore, gravity was taking a toll now. I lost grip for a split second before I fell, sadly these suits couldn’t allow me to fly, finally Celestia fired a 2nd bolt causing the top to explode, and thank god I was the last to fall.

Well this actually went well for me…wait. Just realized I am falling 30 feet!

Now you know kids

-Vespi

The Darkest Day

I hit the grass below like a comet. How I survived I didn’t know, I could feel a soul shattering pain in my ribs as I crashed down on the seemingly soft grass. I blacked out for a split second, lying on my back I had the perfect view of the executioner, 1000 of years of rocks were about to crush me into bits.

I had no real escape route, I didn’t know where the princess was, my friends were all around me, alive but barely. I then saw the shadow before me, it growing larger and larger by each second until it engulfed everything around me.

Then all of a sudden it was gone; I looked up and the mountain was where it once was, as though we were never there.

“I can do that too” Princess Celestia said; I got up and dropped down on 1 hoof before trying to make a run for it. Sadly I tripped over Ayan’s corpse causing me to sprawl again falling on my ribs again. I looked up once again the princess was trotting towards me.

I saw Issac running forward behind her, his entire suit looked like a tin can hit by a sledgehammer

“RUN, RUN!!!!!” He screamed, I saw my friends bolting up and running into the forest. I turned once again, just in time to see Issac fighting a losing battle against an undefeatable enemy. I began running with my friends, the last time I turned around to see a sort of cinema. Celestia’s horn smashed through Issac’s chest coming out the other side with all of Issac’s organs, intestines and other. Nonetheless the engineer pulled out his plasma cutter and helplessly shot at Celestia’s head before his head fell back and his rig went black.

I never looked back, all i could think was:

We ran, for several minutes, I swore to god we lost her. Was Issac still alive fighting her off to save us? Was she in hot pursuit? Before long we slowed down, we were all winded and exhausted. Dead tired,

“I think we are safe for now” I said in between my shallow breathing

“Your right- GOD FUCKING DAMMMMMIMT!” Mike screamed; I turned around in horror to see why the Princess hadn’t chased after us before, she was just flying above the trees out of sight waiting for us to tire ourselves out. It was a trap!

I ran as fast as I could, everything hurt, I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t focus, I was in hell but everything I believed in me told me to keep going. My friends were slowing down first. I was probably in the worst shape and I was now trailing, constantly getting closer to Princess Molestia. I then realized we couldn’t make it to the castle like this.

“Guys just run” I said, they didn’t respond, they couldn’t. I just dropped rolling in the grass for a few moments in the dust of my friends. I knew I had no chance now; it was all about running down the clock, every second I held her off was a second more they could run and hide.

I had long ago dropped my pulse rifle but my plasma cutter had been attached to my suit. I grabbed it and fired, once, twice, thrice, four times. Every round doing nothing, the first round hitting the dirt right by Celestia’s hoof, the 2nd went wide into a nearby tree, the 3rd was a direct hit and the 4th too. Nothing fazed her.

I tried to crawl in the opposite direction but I was already too late. I couldn’t hear Celestia’s running anymore but instead slow and calm trotting.

I turned around to see Celestia in front of me, her horn somehow clean.

“Nice try Vespi” She said “Very noble, or did you just want to get molested?”

I obviously didn’t

“Sure you didn’t” She said “Did you seriously think you could kill me? I would have taken a bribe. Your friend the Slender man did.”

...of course the one idea from Mike I don’t listen to works!

I could barely move anymore, I didn’t know if it was he magic or me dying of exhaustion. I felt some electronics spark and like that my helmet was yanked off and tossed to the side. I then felt the same thing happen to my chest plate, I felt myself burn a little bit from the short circuiting of the armor, but like the helmet all the electronics in the world couldn’t stop Celestia from getting what she wanted, and everything from my pants down was yanked off and tossed to the side.

“Relax” Celestia said, an evil smile on her face “Remember protect and serve?”

***

“God where is Vespi?” Mike asked; of all the stallions missing only Vespi and Ayan were absent. Ayan was obviously dead but where was Vespi?

“He dropped before” Dan said “Poor bastard”

“I would have dropped” Tyler joked

“Where is Issac?” Conor asked

“Dead” Nico said “Okay any pony knows where we are going?”

“Vespi had a map” Silver Shield said “What do we do? HOW DO WE GO BACK?”

“Relax bro we can see the Castle from above” Dan said “Let me fly up” like that Dan flew up above, a second later he flew down.

“This way” He said pointing in one of 360 directions.

“Lead the way” Mike said

For some time they walked through the woods in the clunky armor Vespi suggested, bad idea. The only one with any sort of weapon was Silver Shield who somehow held onto his detonator through that ordeal. They were blessed to find a trail, although it was aged and narrow it showed something was on one of the side.

Thinks went dandy for several moments on the trail. But before long fog engulfed the trail, it was so thick some of the ponies almost wondered off of the trail, only to find the way soon. Before long Dan and Mike (Who were both first) turned into pony statues.

“O my god what is that?” Mike asked; what he saw was a very, very tall man, maybe 12 feet tall, with long hands, almost touching the grass right on the trail. He wore a dark black suit with a red tie and had no facial expression. In fact he didn’t even seem to have a face.

“Jesus what is that thing?” Silver Shield said, stuttering the entire sentence

“I want 20 dowwah” the creature said in an overly black voice.

“Okay…” Tyler said

“Can I have 20 dowwah” he asked

“Sure” Dan said, taking out a 20 dollar bill “But one thing”

“What? He asked

“Go save our friend Vespi from the Princess Molestia okay?” Dan said, the creature just shot out a tentacle and took the 20 dollars. He then began to run in the direction they had come from, arms dragging.

“Well that was interesting” Conor said

***

You know what being kinky is? Well there is a different between getting your ass kicked and being kinky. Basically princess Celestia threw me into a tree. A TREE!

Now here I am with my ribs broken and Princess Celestia right over me. My leg armor was yanked off and tossed to the side with the rest of the expensive armor.

I tried to stand again; I could feel pain everywhere.

“Where you going hon?” Princess Celestia said “Why can’t you love me!?”

“BECAUSE I’M MARRIED” I yelled “I DON’T LOVE YOU AND I NEVER WILL”

This actually stopped Princess Celestia for a moment. She actually looked sad

If I was my normal self I’d stopped there and controlled myself but after almost dying numerous times over this I wouldn’t allow it

“WHY THE FUCK DO YOU EVEN WANT ME!? WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS!? THERE IS A REASON NO PONY EVER LOVED YOU, YOUR OWN SISTER FUCKING HATES YOU!” I screamed, I actually saw a tear fall from Celestia’s eye.

“THAT’S RIGHT I HATE YOU, EVERYPONY HATES YOOOOOOOU!” I screamed again; what happened was

unforgettable. I felt a screaming pain in my torso, something different. As though something just rammed into me; I looked down and there was Celestia’s horn. She had stabbed me like Issac, I was impaled.

Celestia backed up after a second, leaving me to drop.

“I’ll always love you” She whispered, before running off in the opposite direction.

I couldn’t see anything, I couldn’t feel anything, I was dying. Alone, afraid, depressed, un fulfilled by life. I felt the man in my chest intensify, blood was gushing all under me, a puddle.

I knew there was no chance I’d survive, this was the end. No little colts and fillies, no more adventures with friends, no more life. Game over

“Guys” I whispered “6 friends and luck……..”

I closed my eyes for one last time; my hour of death was near.

Nightmare

I died, that is all that I need to say. It wasn’t like in those horror stories when you think you will survive only to die alone and stunned. I knew I was going to die, I accepted it, I didn’t fuck myself with mind games. If anything I was sadder then scared, I was sad to know I’d never achieve everything I wanted in life. But eventually I didn’t think anymore, I just….died! Also realized apparently life is search and destroy, so that wasn’t going to be fun.

Sadly it wasn’t free camera either, everything was just pitch black. Pitch black nothingness, never ending and never starting. Then I awoke, or well I thought. I got up and looked down. I was still on the ground where I died, blood still seeping from the gushing wound in my chest, or what was my chest.

“Saddening is it?” I turned around in a flash to see a strange creature in front of me. It looked like a pony at leastly; it had a tail and a head and walked on all fours. Half of its torso was wrapped in armor and the other half wrapped in bandages. It had a strange helmet on and some other strange articles of clothing; I don’t even know what to call them. It also had a strange mouth full of razor sharp teeth, each the size of a small dagger.

“What, what are you?” I asked, this was the first time I had ever stuttered

“I am irrelevant” The thing said “But why are you here? Why did you have to destroy such a sanctuary?”

“Sanctuary” I asked “What do you mean?”

I noticed something strange, very strange. THE WEIRD ASS THING DIDN’T MOVE ITS MOUTH TO TALK! I don’t know how he was talking to me, I don’t know anything anymore.

“My people worked for eternity to make a world free of sin” The monster began, taking a step closer to me with every word “Why did you have to destroy it?”

“I never destroyed it!” I protested “I’m a normal stallion like every pony else!”

The monster stopped for a second “Before you came here Equestria was a magical place. There was no war, no pain, no suffering. Look what you and your friends have done. Death, sin, destruction everywhere you go, millions of botched civilizations only for one to work, only for you to come and rape this world”

I laughed for a split second (Even though it wasn’t even remotely funny) “Ha you said rape!”

“Is it funny to you? Do you realize what you have done?” The monster barked

“So what she tried to rape me!” I responded

“Really” The monster inquired “I know your thoughts like Celestia, I know the deepest secrets in your soul”

“But….it isn’t my fault” I said

“Really, remember this day?” The monster asked; in a second the landscape turned from the calm and sullen forest to my old town. I knew the scene immediately and gave out a loud humiliated sigh.

“Remember these gentlemen?” The thing asked; I knew what happened already. There I was at Alex’s Barmitzmah (However the hell you spell it). I was standing around, me, Mike, my friend Marshal and Kevin.

“So when was Vespi a bro?” Marshal asked with a joke; even though I wasn’t considered cool back then I still had the name Vespi. But back then it was more of an insult to aggravate me then a nickname.

“Come on man give him a chance” Mike said, taking a sip out of his diet coke

“Whatever” Kevin said with a smile; for a guy who hung out with these shallow kids he had a good heart.

“So now what?” my former self asked, an excited look on my face.

“I don’t know” Marshal said, he always wore those head phones of his; always blasting Skirllex dubstep in his own little world.

“Bro you see Chenzo before?” Mike asked. Chenzo was actually known as Vincent, he was just called Chenzo by people so he’d get annoyed.

“No” I said

“He is such a faggot; I mean seriously I don’t see why you hang out with him.” Mike said, I remember this phase. That was that month when I was paranoid the entire time; I didn’t trust the new crowd and the old crowd vilified me.

“Well he is nice I guess” I said, looking down into my water

“Ehh” Marshal said, not actually listening to the conversation

“Well if you ask me you don’t need them” Mike said “Your one of us now”

“Bros before hoes” I asked with a smile, everyone laughed even Marshal; somehow listening to that dubstep and listening to the conversation.

“I love this kid!” Mike said with a chuckle.

I turned to the monster “So, what is wrong with this? I found a new friend that is all.”

“Ever wonder what happened to your friend Chenzo?” The monster asked “He committed suicide maybe a year later, remember that rumor you made?”

“Yea….” I said, that was a shameful act on my part.

“Quite the attention whore aren’t you?” The monster asked; the screen changed again. “Are you curious why Celestia wanted love so bad?” The monster asked

“Why?” I asked; the screen was now the castle. There was princess Celestia like herself, the same wavy rainbow mane and royal stature.

“When is this?” I asked

“8 hours after Luna was banished to the moon” The monster said

The princess was weeping silently on a balcony. The entire town of Canterlot was in the view, as was the giant moon.

“Princess are you okay?” A guard asked; I didn’t even notice him until very then. He must have been standing outside on guard while the princess was in her room.

“I am fine, thank you” She said, drying her tears on her mane “I just feel terrible for what happened”

“I am sorry about your sister” The guard said

“it is okay; it was just, Luna was my only real friend.”

The guard just nodded, looking into the white moon

“We’d been through so much, Mom and Dad sacrificed so much to make this world only to never really enjoy it.” The princess said “Ever since they died I’ve never had a real friend, only Luna.”

“I am sorry to hear that mam” The guard said before trotting off out of the room

“What happened to Celestia’s parents?” I asked

“They were guardians of time; like the others. They sacrificed themselves to keep this world pure for eternity; didn’t go well am I right?” The monster asked

“I didn’t know” I said “Besides just because shit happens isn’t enough of a good answer”

“Have you ever been the leader? Not just another drone for your crony Mike?” He asked, frankly I had never been a leader a lot.

“Being isolated from every pony? Just the person you bitch to? No one actually wanting you, just wanting you to help them? Such a job is very lonely; you are alone to lead a world, a world that is now ruined because of people like you and Mike.

“What did mike ever do? Sure he is an ass sometimes but, that doesn’t mean anything.” I began, but before long the world was altered again. I instantly saw where I was, New York. Block after block was devastated by fire and what looked like explosion damage. The streets were torn up and barricades were everywhere. It was so familiar…

“Remember this scene from your beloved Cod?” The monster asked; I then saw 2 humans in combat armor and other military attire on top of a skyscraper looking out onto the bay.

“You saved lives today Mike” The one human said, it was Tyler.

“Thanks, do you mind if I blow the bridge?” The 2nd one asked; Tyler handed it to Mike.

“Good” Mike said, he threw the detonator out of the window, 2 unseen soldiers jumped out and grabbed Tyler.

“What the hell is going on?” Tyler asked

“I’m sorry Tyler, I had to do this” Mike said, now pulling out his own pistol from a holster

“But, Mike” Tyler said a tear in his eye “We were friends…”

“I know Tyler” Mike said

“Wait, but how?” I asked

“This is the type of people that have destroyed so many other worlds; greedy, traitorous, lying, haters. The kind your friend Mike is” The monster said, before I could respond I was back in the forest. This time the body was gone though

“I will let you live, once” The monster said “But you must do one thing”

“What?”

“Kill Mike”

So the shit go real, responses?

-Vespi

Fleur de Lis

“So what are you going to do?” Rarity asked, she was talking to her little sister, Sweetie Belle, on the phone. I didn’t catch much from the conversation but apparently Sweetie Belle wanted to go to Canterlot for a year with her friends.

“I don’t see why, just Canterlot is a big place! What if you get lost? Where are you going to live anyways? Okay, that makes sense.” Rarity said again talking to her little filly sister (Or well not a filly anymore) Sweetie Belle.

“Listen I’ll talk to you later, I just want to think this out a little bit. What did mom and dad say anyways? O they did? Okay, let me just think this over.” Rarity put the phone down

“What’s the matter Rarity?” I asked

“Sweetie Belle wants to go to Canterlot to live there for a year” Rarity said “She is becoming a little mare now isn’t she?”

“Yup” I said “When did she get her cutie mark anyways, a year ago?”

“Something like that” Rarity said “What should I do Vespi? I want her to have fun with her friends but I don’t think it is safe.”

“I’d let them” I said “Just make them pay for the entire adventure, what is the worst that could happen?”

Rarity gave a slight nod “I guess you’re right, I’ll tell them when I can.”

I then got up and headed outside without an explanation, I still had one thing left on my agenda besides the thing with Silver Shield, getting Mike.

“Hey guys; I’m going to need your help with this one” I told everyone

***

The plan was very simple. We had 20 mini water bottles, thus 20 water grenades. A water grenade is a weapon commonly used in our school to piss others off and or cause unwanted pregnancies. On contact the water bottle explodes, causing the pressure to cause pain, so basically it is a grenade that can be made by dolphins…or Ayan.

“you guys told Mike to come to the courtyard?” I asked Dan

“Yup” Dan said

The courtyard was the perfect place for this kind of joke; the 2nd floor was made out of walk ways without windows, balconies basically. You could have 50 ponies above hurl down water bottles without getting detected.

“Here he comes!” Conor screamed

Everyone moved away from their 2nd floor windows and I alone confronted Mike.

“Sup Mike” I said

“Hey Vespi what do you need?” Mike asked casually

“Remember 1 water grenade used to hurt?” I asked with a maniacal grin

“Yuhuh” Mike said

“THEN TASTE THIS SPARTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTA!” I yelled, on command all the ponies revealed themselves from the 2nd floor windows, 19 in all. The first water grenade exploded right on target, hitting Mike in the balls, a moment later the water grenade exploded causing mike to scream in pain. All of the other water bottles began to hail like snow, only one or two actually missing. All of the other water bottles had a devastating effect on Mike, leaving him on the floor withering in pain.

“WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR!?” Mike screamed

“Revenge” I said “I got you!”

“FOR WHAT” Mike screamed, o wait he didn’t kill Tyler yet, or whatever.

“O” I said “I forgot about that”

“YOU BLOW VESPI!” Mike said, he managed to roll around a bit

“Sorry about hitting you in the balls” Nico said, waving from the 2nd story balcony “Forgot about the bro code”

After the spontaneous attack Dan and Nico escorted Mike to the infirmary and most of the attackers dispersed. Before long I was the only pony in the courtyard, or so I thought. I turned around to see Chuck Norris staring at me.

“What the hell was that…” He asked

“I…got him?” I said

“No you have to kill him” He ordered “Kill Mike

“Meh, maybe later” I said “I need to help organize everything for the party”

“DO EET!” The monster screamed “DO EET NOW!”

“Nah” I said casually “See you monster thing”

***

Mike came out of the infirmary an hour later, besides some scratches and a broken testicle he was fine. Frankly I was relieved to now know we could all focus on preparing for the Gala, even after me dying and Mike losing a testicle.

We hoped for the third time in a row Fancy Pants would volunteer to help us out, mainly to contact every pony who needed to be contacted. Frankly despite being friends with all snobs Fancy Pants managed to stay reasonably humble most of the time. This time though he was absent sadly, though we had the pleasure to meet a new high class mare. Fleur De Lis.

“Bonjour, it is nice to meet you all” She said, she seemed to act and sound a lot like Fancy Pants, yet 20% more

French. She was a young looking mare with ivory coloring and a pink curly mane. I couldn’t help but notice Dan was awe struck.

“So what are you doing differently this year?” She asked

“Well…um…let’s see…” Dan said trying to make a corrigible sentence

“Nothing really” I said

“O, alright then” Fleur Del Lis said, when she turned around Dan gave me a dirty look

The rest of the day seemed normal. After Fleur Del Lis left most of the gang chose to hang out in what we dubbed “The room”. It was a sort of recreation room; there was a ping pong table, couch, TV (Even though every channel had pony FOX) and a nice view of the garden. I was about to leave when I heard a rapping on the door, I opened it to see Dan in front of me, hoisting a hefty book.

“Sup Dan what are you doing?” I asked

“Well I need all of your help” Dan said, dropping the book on the table

“What?” We asked in unison

“I need your help guys” Dan said “I want to learn French”

I gave an impish shrug and said sure, Mike on the other hand was more cynical.

“Bro she is obviously borderline lesbian.” Mike said

“How are you sure?” Dan asked

“I recognized the symptoms from Twilight. They say they are straight, after a while they admit about being a tad bisexual. Eventually you see the symptoms worsen and you then realize, BAM lesbian” Mike said, pulling out a English pipe.

“What symptoms?” Dan asked

“Staring at other mares too long, not flirting with stallions, being too helpful to mares but not helpful to stallions, wants to just stay friends, French…” Mike said

“Mike I’m a 1/4th French” Dan said

“So you’re a 1/4th faggot?” Mike said

“Whatever” Dan said, he turned to me and Tyler “Can you guys help me out?”

“Sure why not” I said

(4 hours later) *** (4 hours later)

“Guys I think the Gala is starting soon…” I said, Dan slammed the book shut

“Did you guys call Fleur? Did she say she is coming?” He asked anxiously

“Yea she said she is coming”

“Great” Dan said “Now nothing can screw up tonight. No Ursa majors, no rioting, no molestation, okay?”

“Whatevs” We said

“Good” Dan said with a smile “I have a feeling tonight is going to be perfect”

***

(Meanwhile at the super duper evil lair of total evilness)

“Alright let’s attack tonight”

“Okay”

“Sounds good to me”

“Whatevs”

“Good to hear we are all on board friends. We have some fucked up ideas alright, 3rd world governments would die for our plans…”

The Gala

“Good to hear we are all on board friends. We have some fucked up ideas alright, 3rd world governments would die for our plans…”

“Okay Dan here put this on” Mike said, somehow Boris threw Mike a bone and got us all these 2 way head phones.

“Why do I need this thing again?” Dan asked

“So if you need help or need to call in a code we are here” Mike said “You remember the codes right?”

“No…” Dan said

“Red-Period, Black-Lesbian, Blue-Friend zone, Green-Cock blocked, yellow-abstinent” Mike said

“Okay… “Dan said “Do we really need all of these codes?”

“It is better to have them and not need them then to need them and not have them” I said “Nico do I have guard duty tonight?”

Nico looked up from putting on his chest plate “Nope”

“Thanks man” I said

“I got to get going, you guys should too, and Celestia is going to give her opening speech.” Nico said

“Also hang on guys!” I said “I need one last thing from every pony. I need you to help me to convince Silver Shield to get molested”

Everyone looked at me like I was insane

“Why?” Mike said

“Just do it please?” I pleaded; Mike looked like he was going to protest again but just continued to head to the door.

We could hear the music already from below; we headed down the grand stairs. It didn’t take long for us to get split up.

“There she is!” Dan said excitedly, there Fleur De Lis was, giving us a little wave from the doorway. Dan gave us a

quick glance before heading to Fleur De Lis .

“So what do we want to do?” I asked

“I don’t know, I guess we got to go hunt down Silver Shield?” Tyler asked

“Yea might as well go with you on this one” Mike said

“Okay, I am going to get my gerbil racing going” Ayan said

“Can I help you out?” Conor asked, Ayan gave him a quick nod and the 2 chose to set up shop right there.

“Alright let’s find Silver Shield” I said, before Mike could respond I saw his jaw drop. I turned around to see some pony standing behind me, a shorter orange Earth pony.

“Sup VESPIE!” He said, giving me a bro hug

“O my god…” I said, it was our old friend Nick. Nick was the most annoying, bull shitting; try hard retard you could find. He lies so much and starts so much crap he makes the situation look like Mike, and Mike like Jesus.

“What you bros doing” He asked

“Nothing, why don’t you go play in traffic” Mike said, nudging him towards the door.

“Nah” Nick said, he then gave a devious smile “WHAT IS THAT MIKE? YOU LIKE BON-BON?” A tan mare with a blue mane looked over to us.

“Sorry about that, he is retarded” Mike said

“Whatevs” Nick said “I’m going to chillax a little bit, see you guys later”

“Hopefully not” I said “Let’s go guys” I motioned to the door.

Thanks to being friends with Nico I was able to convince him to put Silver Shield on 9 o’clock guard duty. That is why I wasn’t surprised to see him getting dressed for guard duty when I entered his room.

“Hey Silver Shield, how is it going?” I asked casually

“Good, what are you doing?” Silver Shield asked

“Just wanted to say Nico pulled you back an hour, you are going on duty at 10” I said, Silver Shield gave me a nod before taking off his helmet “Come down with us and have a drink will ya?”

“Fine” Silver Shield said

I had precise instructions on how to get Silver Shield into Princess Celestia’s arms. We took an indirect route down to the main party room, trying our best not to arouse the suspicions of Silver Shield.

“But the party room is this way” Silver Shield said motioning to the correct route to the party.

On cue Princess Celestia trotted by and on my cue I pushed Silver Shield right into Princess Celestia. With a quick and unexpected nudge he trampled right into the princess, causing her to over realistically fall over.

“Silver Shield” She said with a aggravated tone

“Sorry mam!” Silver Shield squealed, slowly shrinking

“I think you and me need to have a talk” Princess Celestia said “Walk with me”

Silver Shield took a long gulp and followed the princess

“Wait so why’d we do that?” Mike asked

“Because someone had to” I said “That colt needs to get laid soon anyways”

“God speed” Mike said

The party seemed pretty bland for once, it seemed just like the last two, just everyone was 1 year older. Nico was on guard duty and everyone separated from me again, but sadly they also dropped Nick with me.

“Come on man!” Nick would always beg

“No bro go find some pony yourself!” I always returned

“But I need your help!”

“BUT I’M MARRIED!”

“So?”

I finally gave Nick a water bottle with a nickel in it, that managed to calm him down and distract him for a while. Just in time to see Nico running inside the room.

“Vespi I need your help!” He said in a hushed tone

“What?” I asked

“Remember all those factions we pissed off?” He asked

“Yuhuh”

“There attacking us, like right now” Nico said

“…Really?” I asked

“Yup” Nico said “Come help me out alright!?”

I didn’t need to hear any more information I ran towards the door. I continued to run straight through the courtyard to the main gate, or what used to be the main gate. The entire plce turned into a warzone, from the Castle walls were the Royal guard, hailing gun fire from above on the walls to the attackers below.

“What are they doing?” One aloof guard asked

“THEY ARE GOING TO BRAVEHURT THE DOOR!” I screamed

The guard turned around “What?”

“They found a big tree and are going to smash the gate open!” I said

“O SHEET!” I heard from a 2nd guard on the wall a explosion shook the wall, sending ponies flying in every direction.

“What was that!?” I asked, holding onto my helmet for cover

“O yea forgot to tell you Ayan joined the Red Hooves and invented siege artillery” Nico said quickly, that would have been nice to know beforehand.

“What do we do?” Nico asked

“You’re in charge, I’m going to bed!” I said using my old alibi to my advantage. Without a response I ran back inside, leaving the forlorn defenders to their fate.

This is one of those “Okay we are under attack randomly by terrorists during a big ass party, I’m going to go have sex with my wife” moments.

Because that always seems to work out for me...

***

Meanwhile at the gate

“Vespi said he was coming back right?” One of the guards asked

“Sure” Nico said with a pat on the back “Now go run in front of me and get shot will ya?”

The Gala - Dan

“Hello there Dan” Fleur De Lis said, her French ascent in perfect cue with her upper-class confidence and personality.

“Bonjour Fleur De Lis” Dan said “Commentas êtes-vous?”

Fleur De Lis responded with a slight giggle “It is actually just comment, but other than that very good” Dan couldn’t explain it, but talking to Fleur De Lis was different then talking to any other mare he had talked too.. She had some sort of swagger (If you would) that made her so likeable.

“So how does the party look?” Dan asked “Is this your first Gala directed by moi?”

“It actually is, I had wanted to go for the last 2 years but I had been always so busy!” She said, showing a personable smile.

Dan escorted Fleur De Lis to a nearby table; this room had been the party room for this exact reason. It had a dance floor, a bar, a private section, a kick ass view, and a SECOND bar all in the same vicinity, now that was high living.

“This is a nice party” Fleur De Lis observed, regally taking a sip of water from her glass

“Thanks” Dan said with a sense of pride

Dan turned his head and almost recoiled, Twilight Sparkle was heading towards him. It wasn’t that he didn’t like her, it was just she was socially awkward, and if Mike was correct also lesbian.

“O hey Dan” Twilight said in a chirpy fashion “Have you seen Rainbow Dash or Vespi or any pony?”

“No I haven’t” Dan said “I think they are outside”

The second Twilight looked out the window an explosion came from right outside the window sending dirt and gravel in every direction…o and pony blood, yea that too.

“O my god is he okay?” Twilight said

“I’m sure he is” Dan said quickly “So where were we Fleur De Lis?”

Sadly Fleur De Lis didn’t have all of her focus on Dan at the moment, but rather a large portion on Twilight.

“Hello I am Fleur De Lis” She said opening out a hoof

“Nice to meet you I am Twilight Sparkle” Twilight said giving Fleur De Lis a shake

***

“Hey Beavis” Butthead asked

“Yea?”

“This girl is obviously a lesbian, she like said Fleur” Butthead said

Beavis gave a laugh “Yea, like totally”

Butthead returned with his own laugh “Like, this is really weird”

“I know, I want to see what happens to Nico” Beavis said “That would be cool”

“That would be cool” Butthead concluded

“Hey Butthead”

“What?”

“Why are we reading this crap?”

“I don’t know Beavis, I don’t know”

***

Dan was now becoming aggravated; he had been taken out of the equation 100%. Fleur De Lis was now fervent about talking to Twilight about science and philosophy instead of talking to Dan about alcohol and sex.

“Sooooooooo” Dan began, trying to establish a foot hole in the conversation. “I think I’m ready to leave. Fleur De Lis want to ont complètement coup le sexe cul génial?”

Fleur De Lis gave out that giggle of hers “Sure”

“Wait what did he ask?” Twilight asked, obviously since she didn’t speak French she wouldn’t understand anything Dan wanted to say deemed inappropriate.

“O nothing” Fleur De Lis said “montrer le chemin”

Dan got up from his chair and began to walk up the stairs; Fleur De Lis straggled behind him most of the time. Nonetheless Dan did not stop his steady pace until he got to his room, even after seeing numerous other explosions from various other windows.

It wasn’t until Dan turned around to Fleur De Lis that he noticed Twilight had also followed.

“Umm Twilight you weren’t supposed to follow us” Dan said

“Maybe she could come in too?” Fleur De Lis said with a lustful wink, damn!”

“That sounds…nice!” Dan said, he was already getting ridiculously horny just thinking about Fleur De Lis, adding a 2nd mare to the equation was the icing on the cake.

“Sounds good to me, what do you say Twilight?” Dan asked, Twilight was redder then a strawberry already.

“Umm okay” Twilight said with a nervous smile; Dan could tell she was having mixed feelings about this situation.

Dan nodded and opened the door for the 2 mares, letting them both waltz inside before he closed the door behind it,

locking it securely.

Fleur De Lis was already on Dan’s bed, laying there with her customary small smile. Meanwhile Twilight was sitting on a couch nearby, sitting and shifting positions anxiously.

“What are you doing Twilight?” Fleur De Lis asked

“O, I guess I’ll just watch or something” Twilight said

“Just watch?” Dan asked “Doubt that”

“Well umm” Twilight said nervously “Okay I guess”

Dan didn’t want to put Twilight in a position she didn’t feel like being in, but this wasn’t exactly making him less hard.

“Maybe you just need something to drink” Fleur De Lis said, getting off the bed and opening up the mini-bar “Want something?”

“I don’t really drink” Twilight said

Twilight didn’t really have much of a choice, bottle of wine in hand Fleur De Lis chased after Twilight, getting wine all over the floor. Twilight tried to make a run for the door but Fleur De Lis beat her to it and jammed the wine bottle practically down Twilights through and angling it so the liquor could easily access Twilight’s throat. Meanwhile Dan stood there awe-struck.

Twilight didn’t need Fleur De Lis’s force anymore and took the bottle in hand and took a long swig, like a really long swig.

“Good?” Fleur De Lis asked

“Very good” Twilight said, hogging the alcohol like a generic Irishmen.

“Nice idea Fleur De Lis” Dan said, heading over to his own bed while Twilight continued to drink the fine 500 bit wine. “You sure can do a lot”

“I now something you can do” Fleur De Lis said, plopping down on the bed on top of Dan.

Remember when luck was a bitch? Well apparently bad luck strikes twice in the same direction.

All of a sudden there was a knocking on the door

“Twilight are you in there?” It was Dashie “I need your help !”

God dammit of all times!

“Sorry Dashie maybe some other time” Twilight said slurring her speech

“Come on Twilight!” Dashie cried

“No go away I’m, I’m busy!” Twilight said

“What are you doing!?” Dashie asked

“NOTHING GO THE FUCK AWAY DASHIE!” Dan finally said

“Foutez le camp de lesbiennes et de mourir!” Fleur De Lis screamed

“Wait what are you 3 doing?” Rainbow Dash asked suspiciously

“Stuff now just go away!” Twilight said, finally passing out drunk on Dan’s bed,

Dashie gave out an exhale “Fine whatever” Dan was relieved to hear Dashie’s footsteps fade out as she headed away from his vicinity.

“Okay so how do we wake her up?” Dan asked, Twilight was passed out on his bed, her haunches wide open.

“I got an idea” Fleur De Lis said, Dan almost shat a brick, Fleur De Lis moved south on Twilight and began to eat her out. Dan couldn’t help but laugh when Twilight instantly woke up, eyes dilated.

“Jesus” Dan said, awe struck

“”Hang on mares I have to do something quickly” Dan said, leaving Fleur De Lis and Twilight alone for a moment as he headed into the other world.

“Mike?” Dan asked

“Yea what is it?” Mike asked; in the background Dan could hear explosions, screaming, and what sounded like small arms fire.

“if Fleur De Lis eats out Twilight, but is still probably into me. Is that a code Black?” Dan asked

“I don’t know, just do whatever” Mike said, in the background someone was screaming like his arm was torn off.

“Who is that in the background?” Dan asked

“Yea some weird shit happened and apparently I am in a war or something, that thing didn’t really explain a whole lot” Mike said

“What thing?” Dan asked

“I don’t know” Mike said “Listen I got to go, 5 more for a tactical nuke”

“Good luck on whatever you are doing” Dan said

He took the ear piece off, only to find a visitor in his room; but it wasn’t Fleur De Lis or Twilight.

“You’re a sick pig aren’t you?” It asked;, even though it obviously didn’t have a mouth.

“Yup” Dan said with a chuckle “Like Eminem, and every other celebrity from my generation.”

The monster just gave out a sigh “Some things die before they begin”

And like that it was gone

Dan wasn’t even sure what had just happened, alcohol has that effect on any pony.

“Whatevs” Dan said with a chuckle

The Gala - Nico

Nico for the first time didn’t know what to do; the entire world had turned upside down. He went from calmly sipping a beer in the heat of the party to fighting a losing battle that no one actually knew about.

All he understood was apparently Ayan turned to the enemy who is attacking the castle with field artillery (Invented by Ayan) and grunt spam.

“What do we do sir?” A private asked, scared to death

“See that pony over there?” Nico asked pointing to a Red Hoof who had freshly scaled the castle walls

“Yea”

“I want you to take this and shoot him in the face, okay” Nico ordered handing the grunt a rifle

The grunt obeyed his orders and skillfully shot a burst into the enemy, causing him to fall over, back on his side of the wall. The number of guards had dropped from the pre attack 300 on duty to perhaps 170 in the matter of an hour.

“Do you think every pony was evacuated?” Nico asked

“No they are actually playing beer pong right now” The inquisitive guard said

“O my god” Nico said, putting a dejected hoof on his fore head, he finally removed the hoof after hearing hoof steps and seeing his friend Tyler dashing towards him.

“What do you have for me Tyler?” Nico asked, almost getting hit by a lead projectile from afar.

“I got answers from the internet” Tyler said waving a piece of paper in front of Nico

“What does it say what does it say?” Nico asked quickly

“The walkthrough says that we should get a tactical nuke and then camp in these corners” Tyler said pointing to several different corners on the piece of paper.

“Tyler this isn’t Cod, we need a real solution” Nico said, he then had a brilliant idea “I have an idea”

***

“Wait so what do you want me to do?” Conor asked

“We have here a Vulcan mini gun, an Ursa major, and a dubstep playlist.” Nico said, showing Conor all of the items “Now go stop this invasion thing”

“Wait what am I supposed to do?” Conor asked

“Kill all of the Red Hooves” Nico said

“Why?” Conor asked

“Because I said so” Nico turned to Tyler “Follow him and make sure he does what he has to do”

“Okay…” Tyler said

“Sorry to say so guys but, not really in the mood” Conor said “Can I do this in like an hour?”

“No” Nico said “Right now”

Conor gave out a long exhale “Fine”

He allowed Tyler to mount the mini gun before putting the two white ear buds in his head and pressing a few small buttons.

“This isn’t going to work Nico” Tyler whispered in his friend’s ear.

“Give him 15 minutes” Nico said in a hushed tone.

(17 minutes later)*** (17 minutes later)

“Hey umm sir…” A guard said; tapping Nico on his shoulder. Nico found it amazing how here he was sipping coffee and reading a book while his ponies were getting blown to pieces. Life is funny sometimes.

“Yea what is it?” Nico asked

“Come look at this” The timid guard said motioning to a window. Nico expected to see Conor on the Ursa Major with his machine gun waving in the air. He just expected better results. Apparently Conor was killing the Red Hooves at a respectable rate; along with civilians and his guards.

“What the hell!” Nico asked slamming his hoof against the glass. The last thing he expected was Conor to kill everypony, INCLUDING the people he ordered not to kill.

“Yea sir it is pretty…strange” The guard said, running out the door he came.

Nico thought he was alone; that is until he heard a rapping on his door. He heard heavy breathing and unnatural mumbling and cursing from the other side.

“Silver Shield is that you?” Nico asked, trotting towards the door at a slow rate.

“YES JUST PLEASE OPEN THE DOOR!” Silver Shield said; bashing his head against the door.

“Why?” Nico asked; only to hear a earth shattering roar from the other side of the door.

Whatever smashed into the door (With Silver Shield) was not human, or pony, or anything that looked comely It was a massive white thing; its entire body covered in spikes and deformities of strange orange skin. On top of its strange alien head was Issac Clark riding it like a horse.

“Don’t ask” Clark said

“I’m not going to bother” Nico said waving a hoof in disbelief.

“Good” Issac Clark said, the beast gave out a roar and ran forward and smashed into the window; sending Clark a fly. The beast ran down towards Conor and his muddle to join the fray.

“Silver Shield…” Nico said in belief

“Yes sir?” Silver Shield said; lying down on a nearby couch.

“What just happened?” Nico asked

“It is a really…really…really…really…really…really…really…really-“Silver Shield said

“I get it…” Nico said

“Let me finish please!” Silver Shield shrieked

(An Hour later) *** (An Hour later)

“Really…really…really…really…really…really…really…really…really…really…really-“

“I get it” Nico said. He finally gave up trying to understand what had happened and walked into the other room; only to find himself in company. He didn’t know what he was looking at until it spoke.

“Scared Nico?” The strange pony said; it’s voice oddly calm and basic.

“No” Nico said; half surprised half “Not giving a shit”.

“I am sure you are general. All tools realize there fear when they realize they didn’t do what was asked of them” The monster said “You failed your wife and her kingdom”

“Pony please…” Nico said

“Pony please nothing… admit it.” The monster said, his odd hidden face lurking nearby.

“Meh later” Nico said

“Meh now” The monster said

Nico saw the eerily familiar purple vortex appear below his hooves and suck him in.

Pretty "meh" chapter in my opinion. One of those bump in the road chapters if you ask me.

-Vespi

The Gala - Silver Shield

Silver Shield was almost having a heart attack. Not only, in his mind, was he hanging out with a gang of ponies where things wouldn’t go well; but now he had angered Princess Celestia. He wasn’t sure if his friend Vespi had tripped him, or he was just so clumsy and he didn’t know it. Either way there was going to be hell to pay and he was guilty.

“I think you and me need to have a talk” Princess Celestia said “Walk with me” Silver Shield had no choice but to follow her. If he didn’t follow her, no pony would know what could happen. For all he knew he could have been sent to the moon for 1000 years.

Silver Shield was feeling fear creep over his body, the two turned a corner heading into a new hallway.

“So explain to me why you did what you did” Princess Celestia asked

“It was a mistake; honest!” Silver Shield said, barely choking out the words from his throat.

“Really?” Princess Celestia asked; giving him a cold stare “That isn’t what I saw”

“I didn’t know anything about anything! I am really sorry!” Silver Shield protested. Silver Shield was always a fan of the princess; even after that strange night in the woods with his so called “friends”. Despite the constant thought of getting raped in the back of his head he still had to pretend it never had happened. He could of leaked it to the press (And make shit tons of money in the process) but he feared the repercussions so greatly he didn’t dare tell any pony what had transpired.

“Please I’m begging you! I am really sorry please don’t fire me!” Silver Shield said; continuing to beg.

“I think I just might fire you” Princess Celestia said; not in anger or sadness but somehow kind of in humor.

“Please I’ll do anything!” Silver Shield pleaded. Princess Celestia turned another corner and gave him a strange smile.

“Anything you say?” Princess Celestia said

“I mean like…” Silver Shield said; trying to make a good response after basically screwing himself.

“Well it turns out your brother is having some tax problems” Princess Celestia said. Silver Shield himself didn’t know anything about financial difficulties in his family.

“I didn’t know that…” Silver Shield said

“I know you didn’t know” Princess Celestia said; giving him a wink.

The two stopped in front of a golden gilded door with 0 guards. Silver Shield instantly realized it was the princess’s personal chamber; minus the guards.

“What are we doing here?” Silver Shield asked nervously, he knew what was coming.

“I have chosen not to fire you” Princess Celestia said; relieving Silver Shield “But you are in my debt and thus I need you to do a favor.”

“Sorry I’m flattered and all… but… just….” Silver Shield could barely speak and was almost unable to breath. He knew what had happened. Before the strange night before he would have never imagined something like this happening; but now it was becoming real.

Silver Shield’s only chance was to make a run for it, he knew if he could get back to the party Princess Celestia wouldn’t dare molest him; even in a frenzied state of “Molestia”.

“That is a cute nickname ‘Molestia’ can you call me that?” Princess Celestia said with a sexy tone. Silver Shield cringed; he just realized she could read minds.

“I believe in hard work Silver Shield.” Princess Celestia said “I’ll give you a 10 second head start.”

Silver Shield wasn’t sure if he should be scared of Princess Celestia’s cockiness or relieved for her stupidity. He wasn’t sure how far he could run in 10 seconds but every second counted.

“You have ten seconds…9” Princess Celestia said; beginning to count.

Silver Shield didn’t need any other instructions and ran for dear life.

He was already making quick distance and half way down the hall way

He was almost 3/4ths the way through the hall way

He realized if he could turn a corner and hide in a room he could be safe

He planned to try and run to the right only to turn to the left very quickly

He realized she is reading his mind

Silver Shield turned his head for a split second only to see in horror the sprinting Princess Molestia approaching. He knew trying to fake a turn would fail and chose to stick to his original plan and ra right. At first he was relieved to see a short orange stallion trotting lonely through the halls. But the second he tried to run past him the stallion blocked him.

“I NEED TO GET THROUGH FOR FUCKS SAKE!” Silver Shield yelled; that was the first time he had ever cursed in front of other ponies.

“DO YOU NEED TO GET THROGH OR DO YOU WANT TO GET THROUGH?” The orange pony responded. Silver Shield responded with a quick jab to the face and ran before the douchebag could respond.

Princess Celestia was now gaining ground at a terrifying rate. Silver Shield had no choice but to run inside a room and barricade it; and perhaps slip out of a window. He ran into one of the nearest rooms around the turn and ran inside; slamming the door behind him. He locked it and then found the nearest piece of heavy furniture (A dresser) and dropped it right in front of the door with his magic.

Princess Celestia slammed into the door with surprising force and almost knocked the dresser over right onto Silver Shield. He found a chair and placed it under the door handle. He found a nearby table and added it to the pile. Silver Shield was so concentrated on barricading the door he didn’t see the other life form in the room. He turned around in a lull of Celestia’s banging to see the thing from the night before sitting on a couch; several playing cards in his hand.

“Hey it’s the virgin!” Issac said (He wasn’t sure if Issac was its name, he didn’t remember the entire occurrence very well).

“O it’s you again…” Silver Shield said “Can you please help me out?”

“Why?” Issac asked

“Please Silver Shield I just want to have a word with you!” Princess Celestia said. She wasn’t pleading or begging but more or less taunting him.

“Props” Issac said; making a fist in Silver Shield’s direction.

“What?”

“Props”

“What?”

“Props!”

“What?”

“PROPS!”

Celestia rammed the door again harder than before; knocking the wind out of Silver Shield and almost breaking the door down.

“Please I need your help” Silver Shield said “I need you to distract her so I can escape”

“I’ll call Slendy” Issac said; picking up the nearby phone.

“Please is there anything you can do-“ Silver Shield began; only for Issac to begin blabbing on the phone.

“Sup nigga, listen bro I need you to come over here there’s this nigga who needs a distraction. Blows. Aight see you later dawg.” Issac dropped the phone.

“What did he say?” Silver Shield asked

“He can’t” Issac said “Dancing for 20 dowwah”

“Tell him I’ll give him 200 dollars!” Silver Shield said. The door finally gave in and Princess Celestia popped her head through.

“HERES CELLY” She screamed with a maniacal laugh. Silver Shield gave a push and sent her falling backwards through the door.

“Hang on I have a friend we can use” Issac said “It was a really weird meeting but I can trust him.”

“What happened?” Silver Shield asked harmlessly.

“I was tripping on Sprawl crack when the government shot at me and this hooker. I randomly fell and my friend here began to chase me for no apparent reason. I found this escape route and the government somehow found me again and shot at me and him. Then I fell out of the Sprawl and into space where I barrel rolled over SEVEN HUNDRED times to survive get smashed to bits by my friend.”

“Wait what the fuck do you do for a living!?” Silver Shield asked; completely confused

“I’m an engineer” Issac said with a chuckle.

Issac grabbed the phone and began jamming in numbers.

“Hey Strawberry get over here I need you!” Issac said; he gave a couple “yuhuhs” and hung up.

“He is coming in like 5 minutes” Issac said calmly.

The princess slammed at the door again; almost breaking the dresser in half.

“It isn’t going to last…” Silver Shield observed

(5 minutes later) *** (5 minutes later)

“Here he is… right about now…” Issac said. Silver Shield wasn’t really concerned about Issac’s strange friend but rather staying not molested. But all the concentration in the world couldn’t stop him from noticing the sound of broken glass and a hideous roar. Silver Shield turned around to see a monster staring at him.

“Strawberry this is Silver Shield; Silver Shield Strawberry.” Issac said introducing Silver Shield to this monster.

“Umm hi…” Silver Shield said shyly; not even sure if the monster could talk.

“Hi I’m Strawberry! I like Facebook and drawing pictures of myself!” Strawberry said. Silver Shield was creped. The. Fuck. Out.

“Here get on” Issac said; pulling out a long broad sword. Silver Shield obeyed and jumped on Strawberry’s back; holding onto Issac.

“In the wording of my country…” Issac said solemnly “LEEEEEEEEEERRRRROOOOOOOY JEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNNKKKKKKKKKIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSS!”

Issac Clark kicked the monster with his steel boot and it took off; slamming through the door and into Princess Celestia (Who didn’t get a scratch).

Strawberry took off running down the hallway; neck and neck with Princess Celestia. But luck is a bitch. Silver Shield was becoming more and more uncomfortable where he sat and tried to change his position. Sadly the monster bucked at the same time; sending Silver Shield off and onto his butt. Before Silver Shield could alert Issac though Issac ordered the monster to halt; leaving Silver Shield unprotected and right in the velocity of the monster.

“O shit” Silver Shield muttered, he wasn’t about to see if Strawberry the magic monster would follow Issac’s next order. Silver Shield ran into the last room at the hallway.

Nico thought he was alone; that is until he heard a rapping on his door. He heard heavy breathing and unnatural mumbling and cursing from the other side.

“Silver Shield is that you?” Nico asked, trotting towards the door at a slow rate.

“YES JUST PLEASE OPEN THE DOOR!” Silver Shield said; bashing his head against the door. The monster was now berserk and running straight towards him; for whatever reason.

“Why?” Nico asked; only to hear an earth shattering roar from the other side of the door. The beast slammed through the door and looked Nico right in the eye.

“Don’t ask” Clark said

“I’m not going to bother” Nico said waving a hoof in disbelief.

“Good” Issac Clark said, the beast gave out a roar and ran forward and smashed into the window; sending Clark a fly. The beast ran down towards Conor and his muddle to join the fray.

“Silver Shield…” Nico said in belief

“Yes sir?” Silver Shield said; lying down on a nearby couch.

“What just happened?” Nico asked

“It is a really…really…really…really…really…really…really…really-“Silver Shield said

“I get it…” Nico said

“Let me finish please!” Silver Shield shrieked

(An Hour later) *** (An Hour later)

“Really…really…really…really…really…really…really…really…really…really…really-“

“I get it” Nico said. He finally gave up trying to understand what had happened and walked into the other room. Silver Shield thought he was at peace (Why would Princess Celestia wait through an hour of “really” over and over again) only to find himself in more danger then before.

Standing in front of him; where the door once stood; was Princess Fucking Celestia.

Two Teams One Goal

I didn’t know what was going on…again. I went from peacefully falling asleep next to Rarity to being launched through the old giant ass purple vortex. At first I dreaded I was alone; trapped in the confusion and fear. I was relieved to see all 6 of my friends destroying the laws of logic with me. It was strange to see my friends in human form again.

“What is going on?” I asked; all of my friends began to float towards me; falling down the never ending purple worm hole of mysteriousness.

“I don’t know” Dan said, I couldn’t help but notice his tone was surprisingly dejected considering this was the night of the gala.

“Code black?” Mike asked

“Code black” Dan responded his voice turning a tad more humorous and a wee less sad.

“Twilight was a code black too?” Mike asked

“Nope; she thought that Fleur De Leis was really me, when she came to she freaked out and ran out of the room” Dan said

“Sorry to hear that man…” Tyler said “Maybe next time”

“Maybe next time” Dan said mimicking Tyler’s enthusiasm.

“So…the good old vortex…” Mike said; trying to coax conversation.

“Yup” I responded casually

Before long (Maybe 5 minutes at most) we saw the white coming towards us. The infinite nothingness was a nice change from the vivid purple vortex we were engulfed in.

We hit the white…again.

I woke up; almost like the first time I came to Equestria. This time the shoe was on the other hoof or in this case foot. I woke up in a familiar place. I could see the Eiffel Tower in the distance and in front of me were dozens of nicely made houses. I was in Paris. So I thought. Only did I realize what my surroundings were. I was in a spawn point for the MW3 map “Resistance”. I was right under the bridge and had a stunning view of the entire spawn zone. It was an amazing view in real life.

I tried to get up; only to stumble back onto my back. I was in a GIGN outfit. A yellow visor was in front of my line of sight and a good looking blue Kevlar vest and matching shirt with pants was my look. On the ground next to me were a FAD and a smaller Fifty-Seven. I instantly jammed the small pistol into my pocket and grabbed the FAD; managing to get up this time. All my friends seemed to see the same thing I was seeing. They all had their own load outs (Each of which was very similar to their favorite load outs from the game). Mike Hoppe had a MSR with an ACOG scope, Tyler was rocking the M4 grenade launcher, Conor had a XM25 (And a potato), Ayan was the juggernaut and boasted an intimidating M60, Dan had dual FMG9s, and Nico didn’t have any gun and only had a first aid kit and a medic sign on his helmet.

“Good times!” I joked

“Wait why don’t I have a gun!?” Nico wailed; looking at his first aid kit as if it was a secret treasure map.

“You never played Cod” Mike said “Blows for you”

“Well it isn’t like we got to shoot anyth-“ I was cut off mid-sentence by a hail of assault rifle fire; chipping away at the stone that protected me. I heard several sets of footsteps and then an aggravated voice.

“Grant you retard what are you shooting at!” The mysterious voice screamed.

“Relax man I don’t think they are friendlies” This Grant responded

“I didn’t even see anything…” A third voice chimed in.

“Spetsanz or GIGN?” Mike asked; doing a roll to get a good sniping position.

“GIGN” The strange man cried out.

“GIGN too” Mike said

“Sorry about that Grant is a shit stain” Their leader said. Although I hadn’t confirmed it I knew the type.

“What are you guys doing here?” The leader asked; lowering his assault rifle “Also I’m Van”

“Nice to meet you Van; you can call me Vespi” I said; walking over to give him a hand shake.

“Nice to meet you Vespi” Van said with a good natured smile “So what are you guys doing here? How’d you even get here?”

“Magic purple vortex” Mike said “you?”

“Magic purple vortex” Van said

“Cool” I said “These are my friends Mike, Tyler, Nico, Ayan, Conor and Dan”

“Cool” Van said “These are my friends Elliot, Grant, Cory, Jacob, and Graham”

“Nice to meet you all” Mike began to say; but the last portion of his sentence was said differently than the first; as if he noticed something strange in a flash.

“WAIT you’re the cR clan…?” Mike asked

“Yea…” Van said

“WE ARE THE xR CLAN” Mike said

“Okay then; just change your clan tag” Grant said

“NOOOOUUUUU” Conor said; pointing an “evil monkey” finger out at Van

“NOOOOUUUUU” Cory said

“NOOOOUUUUU” Ayan screamed

“Guys calm down…” I said “It isn’t a big problem”

“Vespi is right we should all learn how to get al- NO SCOPE” Van said; I realized the second he screamed “NO SCOPE” I was randomly shot high in the chest (Right in the neck). I felt the almost unbearable stinging sensation of lead inside of me and fell backwards. I felt my helmet lazily fall off my head and the screaming and gunshots that ensued.

Within 5 seconds I was back on my feet; no death, no blood. I just realized we must be in MW3 (Or Ayan taught me the secret to spawning).

“So what is going on now?” I asked

“Battle for the clan tag” Mike said

“But we have different clan tags…” I observed

“But theirs is too much like ours!” Mike yelled

“Okay…” I said. Things went like this for maybe 10 minutes. The constant fire fights of our two factions could be found in very directions. It was pretty much “Everyone run around and shoot anything that moves” type of game. I died 4 or 5 times and spawned again. I couldn’t help but notice I was still good at MW3 and airsoft. Even though I haven’t played either in almost 2 years (But I can still snipe Elliot in-between the eyes with my Fifty-Seven). Things went on as random violence until we were all glued to our spawn somehow.

“I leave for 10 minutes and this is what happens!?” A voice shouted out. It was the same voice that brought me back to life after I got tit stabbed by princess Celestia.

“What are we doing here?” Van asked

“You all are intruders in a sacred world” The strange beast said “You have no right to stay in our lands. Remember this game of yours?”

Everyone nodded

“Good, let’s see if it is as fun in real life as on a screen” Chuck Norris said with a sinister laugh “I’ll give you exactly 5 minutes to prepare. Good luck the clock is ticking. Hope you enjoy your precious survival mode when you are the ones getting shot at. I’ll send one wave at you; everything in the disposal of the Russian army.”

“What kind of a punishment is that?” I asked “Americans love shooting guns!”

“They do…” The monster said; his sinister cackle now murdered by doubt

“Yup” Van said

“Fine! Win or I’ll find another challenge for you gaggle of retards!”

The voice disappeared and we were left alone.

“Wait we are all playing survival mode but in real life and with more than 2 people…FUCK YEAAAA!” Mike said with extreme vigor.

“Okay do we camp in the store pretty much?” Elliot asked

“Why bother? Let’s get 13 sentry guns and 13 squads of riot shields and just camp in the burned out house.” Mike suggested

“Wait guys let me buy a gun” Nico said “Wait so how do I do that?”

“Go to the gun crate and buy a gun. I’d get a M4 or something” I said. I began to run towards the gun crate (Even in the heavy equipment I had on) near the spawn point with Nico.

“Okay…” Nico said; eyeing the crate.

“What?” I asked

“It says I need points…” Nico said disappointed

“Can you sell the medic kit?” I asked

“No” Nico said; glumly looking down at the little red and white case

“Vespi Nico we got 2 minutes gets over here!” Jacob said waving his one hand over his head. Me and Nico ran back towards our camping spot. We were camping in a burnt out house in the middle of the map. It was near all of the crates and only had two open entrances. It also had a nice looking couch, kitchen, and even a TV (Not like we were going to use it).

“Where’s your gun?” Mike asked

“No points” Nico said blandly

“Your right none of us have points.”

“We got a minute!” Van said; looking down at a little stop watch.

“Wait why’d he give you the stop watch?” I asked; I was the leader here!

“Because I’m squad commander” Van said with a proud smile

“No give up your position!” I ordered

“NOOOUUU” Van screamed

“NOOOUUU” I screamed back

“Will both of you shut the hell up!” Mike said “Me, Ayan, Conor, Graham, Elliot, and Grant will get this door way. Everyone else takes the other door way, Nico you stay in the middle and heal anyone who needs to be healed.”

“Heal with what! There is only band aids and fucking Neosporin in here!” Nico said; he had opened his medical box to see what was inside. All there was were band aids and Neosporin.

“Don’t forget Doctor Snuggles!” Conor said; picking up an adorable little teddy bear in a doctor’s outfit.

“Dawwwwwwwwwwwwww” Grant said with a distant smile.

A hail of gunfire came and blasted Doctor Snuggles to shreds.

“Whatever LETS GET IT DONE” Van said; did he always have a juggernaut suit on?

“Van where’d you get that suit…” I asked; half jealous and half awe struck.

“Princess Celestia one day told me she had something to show me, she gave me this kick ass spell” Van said with a smile; we both ran down towards the sooty entrance of the house.

“She said she had something to show me too, and then she raped me…” I said

“Ouch” Van said with a quick giggle. Van ran right up towards the entrance; soaking up the gunfire from the 6 or 7 attackers already in proximity. Dan and Cory ran towards the window, Dan unleashing a hail of machine pistol fire without end. It was almost instantly realized we could never all fire at the same time. Van now was on one side of the door and I found myself on the other, Dan and Cory were sharing the window, meanwhile Jacob was on the floor with his arm blown off, and our good friend Tyler was in the distance screaming for Nico.

“Shit what happened?” Cory screamed back; stunned to see his friend dying next to him.

“Realized…this…real…M………W…3” Jacob said before turning silent on the ground.

Nico came running down the slope with Tyler at his side.

“Let’s see what I can do…” Nico said grabbing some Neosporin. He just globed it all over the massive wound and then began to stick band aids on one by one.

The 6 or 7 attackers were now joined by dozens more. We couldn’t even get any sort of relief; the entire atmosphere seemed to be just one massive load of lead.

I jammed another magazine into my FAD to see the top of Dan’s head turn into a fireworks display of brains. Still firing one FMG, he landed on the ground not far from Jacob.

“Shit!” I cursed only to be brought back into the fight by a ricocheting bullet off my helmet.

“I THINK I STOPPED THE BLEEDING!” Nico screamed with a wide smile on his face. I looked down to see Jacob’s entire stumpy arm bandaged. Then I saw a score of bullets tear through Jacob’s chest.

“Fucks sake…” Nico muttered; it was silent for a moment.

Then a bullet came and shot Nico right in the throat.

“God dammit I need more ammo!” Van said

“We need to fall back!” I screamed; the invaders seemed to never end. After one fell two came to replace him.

“Alrighty let’s go let’s go!” Van said slowly trotting back firing a magazine of striker ammo into the mass of Russian soldiers.

I assumed I was covered and chose to just run up the sooty hill; bad choice. I was almost up when I felt my leg kick out from me; I looked down to see blood seeping from my left leg. One bullet wound wasn’t going to stop me though and I managed to get out of the line of fire.

“Come on Vespi!” Van said; grabbing me by my vest and dragging me a little bit farther. The last surviving member of our squad (Besides me, Van and Tyler) took a bullet right in the chest and fell forwards down the sooty hill. I managed to grab hold of my Fifty-Seven (I dropped my FAD when I was shot) and held onto the wall right inside the door to the living room. I saw Van and Tyler ran towards the other door way. My friends all laid there slaughtered (Or as we used to call it "Owned").

I heard several pairs of running feet heading up the soot and running through the kitchen. I locked my pistol and aimed at head’s height. The first Russian ran through the door; he turned his head and looked stunned when I pulled the trigger. He fell backwards towards the corner of the room; the second soldier was now smarter and came gun first and unloaded on me. I’m pretty sure I died before I actually felt pain.., which was pretty cool.

Now I just have to find out what to do from here.

Shout out to my friend Van! Good luck with your fic!

-Vespi

The ROFLcopter

I woke up in my bed and in pony form. I wasn’t sure if it was a nightmare or what. I slowly got out of bed (Not to disturb Rarity) and stealthily closed the door behind me. I realized that the night was long gone and the sun was at its apogee; high in the sky. I half ran half galloped down the stairs towards my favorite breakfast place in the whole world of Equestria. There I saw my friends all seated and eating their assorted breakfasts.

“Hey there Vespi” A mysterious voice said; I tilted my head to see a 7th pony sitting at the table. He was a white unicorn with blue hair and a distinguishable cow boy hat.

“Wait who are you?” I asked; I was terrible with names.

“It’s Van Vespi” Mike said “They somehow came into our universe.”

“Wait what!?” I asked

“You see there seems to be more then universe. Van and his friends are from an alternative universe” Nico explained

“That made absolutely NO SENSE” I stated

“Yup” Nico said

“Well I’ll be back guys, I’m going to go pay Luna a visit” Van said getting up from his seat; only to be stopped by the quick hoof of Nico

“What did you say?” Nico said “Bro; that’s my bitch.”

“No she’s mine” Van said

“No she’s mine” Nico said

“I’ll kill you over her!” Van said in a threatening voice

“1 I’m captain of the guard 2 I’m immortal and 3 I could slap the shit out of you” Nico said with his arms crossed in a superior position.

“Easy there both of you” Tyler said “We got to go report to Princess Celestia for today’s mission to save Equestria.”

“That is what you guys do in this dimension thing?” Van asked “All we do is play MW3”

“Well we don’t have an Xbox now do we?” Conor said

“Do you?”

“Nope” I said

“Fine we will do your mission thing then we will play some MW3.” Van said

“Okay let’s get this thing over with then play Xbox” Mike said “Let’s get it done”

***

“I am glad you all could come here” Princess Celestia said from atop her regal throne. I still don’t know why Van and his 5 friends came into our world but either way I guess they are tagging along.

“So what is our mission mam?” Nico said

“You are going to infiltrate the rebel coalitions base and eliminate their leaders as quietly and as cleanly as possible” Princess Celestia said “I am counting on you; please do not ruin this like your first gala.”

“We didn’t ruin the gala we kicked ass!” Mike said

“Really do you remember where you went wrong?” Princess Celestia went wrong

“The riot part seemed to be the low point…” I pointed out

“No definitely the fire…” Mike said

“Parasprites” Ayan said

“That is irrelevant now; there is what you call a halo copter waiting for you”

“A helicopter” I asked

“Yes a halo copter” Princess Celestia said

“Whatever” Mike said “Let’s go gang”

***

We walked towards the top of the castle with Princess Celestia leading us. I couldn’t believe my eyes. On the top of the roof there was a…a…HELICOPTER!

“I have a map for you; it will lead you to their leader; good luck.” Princess Celestia said before disappearing down the stairwell and back into the castle.

The helicopter in front of us was one of those 16 soldier transport helicopters. Despite the fact it was a non-combat helicopter (To my knowledge) it had a small spherical area at the bottom for a gunner.

“Dibs on gunner” Ayan said; running onto the helicopter.

“How’d Princess Celestia know about helicopters?” I asked

“I asked her to magical one up” Van said

I was about to continue the conversation with Van until I heard Tyler in the background

“I christen thee the ROFLcopter!” Tyler said; drinking from a large bottle of champaigne.

“Okay; I guess I’ll drive” Mike said

“Mike you couldn’t even drive a fucking golf cart; let me take the wheel!” I said

“There isn’t even a wheel you retard it is a throttle!” Mike said

“Fine, fine, fine, we’ll see how you do” I said. I expected Mike to instantly blow the entire ROFLcopter up; but he actually managed to get her into the air.

“To infinity and beyond” Mike joked; a little adventure high from flying a helicopter.

We managed to stay in the air for a good 15 minutes; then it hit the fan.

“Hey Vespi I bet I can skim that building” Mike said; I hated to admit it but Mike’s cockiness was about to get us all killed.

“Don’t do it…” I said plainly “Seriously Mike!”

“Nigga please it’s easy just-“Mike began pulling the throttle all the way down; the ROFLcopter went into a nosedive.

“Jesus Mike stop!” I said grabbing the throttle, the two of us fought for the throttle for a moment (Apparently the rest of our gaggles of retards were so aloof they didn’t even realize the fucking ROFLcopter was in a nosedive.

“Fine” Mike said letting go of the throttle without warning. Bad choice on both of our parts. Without a 2nd notice I continued to fight for the throttle and rammed it up; snapping it off completely.

“Dam Chinese ROFLcopters always break!” Mike said

“What is going on?” Van finally asked. He looked down at the broken throttle, then back at us, then back at the broken throttle.

“I am not even going to ask” Van said

“Thank you” Mike said with a flippant smile. Before I knew it the GPS gave out a loud noise and said “.4 meters till destination!” That was well .4 meters before I turned my head to see a skyscraper right in the line of our velocity.

I felt the ROFLcopter smash into the cement of the skyscraper and just like that the very next second I was slammed up against the other side of the cockpit.

Inertia sucks

I instantly regained consciousness with the rest of the crew. We cautiously stepped out of the protection of the ROFLcopter and realized we were in some sort of a meeting pent house room. Sitting behind a desk was a strange cyan and red pegasus.

“What the hell!” The pony said jumping out from his desk. The pony would probably be the strangest pony I have ever met. He had red coloring on his cyan wings and wore this (Pimping) leather jacket with a pair of flying goggles with red lenses.

“Giro you’re the evil rebel commander?” Mike asked. How did Mike know this Giro?

“We prefer the term freedom fighter. And you’re the ones who fucked everything up by inventing guns! O hey Ayan” Giro said; o yea didn’t Ayan betray us or something?

“Sup Selden” Ayan said

Giro give out a little aggravated exhale “Yes; so why are you here?”

“To stop the evil rebels who are taking over Canterlot!” Mike said “So yea”

Before Giro even bothered to respond a dozen or so Red Hooves smashed through the 2 nearby doors and surrounded us with guns.

“Any last words?” Giro asked

“DO A BARREL ROLL!” Ayan screamed. Ayan jumped on the ground (While still in his juggernaut suit) and began to roll towards the enemy; giving us enough time to run back into the ROFLcopter.

Somehow all 12 of us ran into the ROFLcopter without any pony getting stampeded. Ayan on the other hand got a zipper put into him (Or well like…well basically he got blown to pieces).

“Jesus what do we do!?” Van asked panting.

“If we all run out here at once maybe our friendship will save us!” Nico said “It might just work.”

“He’s right” Elliot said “Friendship is magic!”

“Okay we’ll give it a go; you’ll be with us out there am I right?” Van asked

“You are right” Nico said

“Good” Van said; he closed his eyes for a moment and opened the door. He and his 5 friends all ran outside and closed the door behind him. None of my friends went out.

We heard a shit ton of screaming and a couple corpses hit the ground.

“That’s what you get when you like Luna” Nico said

“Hang on Nico…aren’t you immortal?” Conor asked

“Yuhuh” Nico said casually; not even bothering to even act like he feels regret (He just got 6 guys killed).

“Then why don’t you walk out there and ass rape every pony?” Mike asked impatiently

“Bullet wounds don’t look good for the misses” Nico said

“Fuck it I’ll do it myself. MMMMMMMMIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCHHHHHHHAAAEEEEEELLL VESPPPPPPPPPPPPPA!” I screamed; to this day still don’t know why I did that. Either way I slipped on Van’s blood and slid on the floor towards Giro and his cronies.

“Don’t shoot him; let’s fight pony on pony. Winner wins; loser loses.

“Game on” I said

Greatest battle of all time has begun

End game

Giro dropped to the floor; his mouth ajar and his nuts shattered. He looked up one last time; through the opaque red glasses though I could still see the hate inside of him.

“We are anonymous we are legion” Giro said as his last words. He dropped to the ground in a ellipse of his own blood.

“No you are a left wing troll” I said; breathing intensely from the brutal fight I had just endured. I looked up (Still panting) at the group of Red Hoof soldiers In front of me. They had a stunned look on their face; as if they had just seen a ghost. More than one of them had left the room as Giro had fallen; that just left fewer guards to fight.

“Now what?” I heard Mike ask from inside the ROFLcopter. Without a second notice the Red Hooves lunged for their guns and opened fire at me. I was half expecting the danger nonetheless and managed to half fly half run to a nearby marble pillar. Of all the possible things my friends could do helping was not one of them.

I didn’t know what to do; but I knew what I shouldn’t do. So I just did what I knew I shouldn’t do.

In a lull of the gunfire I did a quick roll from my cover into the open, put my forehoof against my other forehoof and screamed “THE POWER OF CHRIST” like I was Tim Tebow.

All of the Red Hoof looked at each other as if I was insane (Which I obviously why). The second the first Red Hoof raised his gun to fire the opposite wall exploded.

Out came a man dressed as a Denver Bronco.

“HOW DARE YOU DEFY CHRIST YOU LITTLE BITCH!” He screamed

“What is that thing?” A Red Hoof asked; eyeing the exit blocked by the brutish quarterback.

“I AM TIM FUCKING TEBOW AND YOU ARE ABOUT TO LEARN THE POWER OF CHRIST IN THE FORM OF MY ASS KICKERY!” The bible thumper thundered with great strength. I seriously wasn’t expecting that.

The Red Hooves had no chance. The second they opened fire on Tim Tebow Tim Tebow used some kind of holy shield. The bullets bounced straight off of him without the slightest scratch and only seemed to infuriate Tim Tebow even more.

Tim Tebow grabbed the nearest Red Hoof with one hand and yanked him in half…literally. He picked him up, over his head, and just snapped him like a twig. Even without it’s legs the determined Red Hoof still tried to escape; but to no avail. The rest of the Red Hooves made a run to the door; all of them trying to flank Tim Tebow on either side.

“YOU ARE ALL NOW CHRIST’S BITCHES” Tim Tebow roared; smashing one of the Red Hooves against the wall. All of the Red Hooves now were becoming more and more cornered. Some had already tossed their guns down to make themselves faster and or more agile against Tim. Sadly all the agility in the world wasn’t going to save them against this zealous Christian.

I couldn’t help but notice that Tim Tebow was walking like an encumbered juggernaut. I assumed it was to intimidate his dissolute enemies but it began to shake me when I realized he was also lumbering towards me. Tim Tebow as it seems was programmed like a B- AI. He walked towards the nearest enemy; if a new enemy came closer than the old one Tim would try and follow that one. But it didn’t make sense towards me. Why was I a target?

“Hey uh Tebow why are you walking towards me?” I asked nervously

“MUST KILL FORNICATOR” Tim Tebow said in a Frankenstein like voice.

“Okay…” I said; slowly trotting backwards with the Red Hooves. We were now running out of room and heading closer and closer to the ROFLcopter and the rubble from our entry. I was formulating a plan; I was going to push a Red Hoof in front of me; then I was going make a dash for the ROFLcopter and take it from there. I eyed the weakest Red Hoof, a lanky little colt, and rammed him into Tim Tebow. Tim Tebow picked him up and om nom nomed his head off while his comrades watched in horror.

I sprinted for the ROFLcopter and banged on the door. Mike fortunately felt it and opened the door for a split second. All the other Red Hooves were distracted by the horror in front of them and none of them even noticed the door opening.

“Is the ROFLcopter still working?” I asked worried. Tim Tebow was now burning through the rest of the Red Hooves at an alarming rate.

“Yea I can try….” Tyler said, he began pressing buttons and I heard a small alarm “Okay we can go.”

“FLY MUTHA FUCKA FLY!” I screamed; Tyler did a couple gestures and the ROFLcopter went into flight. I looked out the window to see Tim Tebow’s emotionless face as he ate through the last Red Hoof.

“I guess we are safe” I said

“No we are not…” Conor said; pointing a hoof out the window. I looked outside in horror to see Tim Tebow flying through the air.

“Jesus Christ he is going to destroy the ROFLcopter! Vespi get on the .50 Cal!” Nico screamed. I looked down at the small bubble of a gunner position. It was barely even large enough for me; but I had to do it. That or get om nom nomed by Tim Tebow in a ROFLcopter 500 feet above Equestria.

I jumped down into the cockpit and grabbed the .50 Cal and turned it towards Tim Tebow. He wasn’t gaining on us fortunately; but I doubt we would be able to lose him any time soon. I began spraying at Tim Tebow. The .50 Cal bullets (Although potent and badass) were barely leaving a mark in the Bronco Bastard.

I heard Tim Tebow scream (Through bullet proof glass dare I mind you) “POWER OF CHRIST” the next thing I saw was a bolt of light heading towards me. It connected with the glass and cracked it. I cursed; it wasn’t going to last. I tried to get back up onto the ROFLcopter. A bump caused me to fall back down and shatter the glass completely. I was barely holding on to the small hole in the bottom of the ROFLcopter now. I could hear my heart beat in my ear and I was going through shock. That is why it took me a couple minutes to realize Tyler was giving me a hoof.

“Come on Vespi!” Tyler screamed; I grabbed his hoof for dear life and allowed him to hoist me back into the ROFLcopter.

“Thanks man” I said

“You know you do have wings” Tyler said

O yea I do don’t I?

Although that crisis was averted Tim Tebow was still floating towards us. 1 fist at his hip and the other pointed towards us like some super hero.

“I think I know how to kill him” Ayan said. Wait how the fuck did Ayan spawn that quickly! Seriously I go into a gunner bubble for like 5 minutes and Ayan is right there; staring at me with that Derpy expression of his.

“What?” I asked

“Okay so we like got to stick dynamite on me and push me into him” Ayan said “Pretty legit am I right?”

“Okay you do that Ayan” Mike said

“Okay” Ayan said; I looked down at the metal platted ground to see sticks of dynamite on the ground.

“Ayan how’d you do that?” I asked

Ayan gave a quick snort “Magic”

Ayan began to prepare his dynamite plan while I was forced to watch Tim Tebow begin to gain on us; slowly but still speeding up in time.

“Okay guys I am like ready!” Ayan said. I turned around to see Ayan in his juggernaut suit with at leastly a dozen pieces of dynamite duck tapped to him.

“Okay” I said “Now we just need to light the fuses”

“Guys I got this; I learned how to do this in the boys scouts” Ayan said. He spat on his hoof then began to rub it on his helmet. In a few moments a light came from Ayan’s hoof and the bomb was lit.

“Okay so see you later guys” Ayan said. Ayan ran towards the door and jumped out; I looked out the window to seem him connect with Tim Tebow (Lucky Shot). Tim Tebow exploded into a million little pieces.

“O my god we did it!” I screamed “WE WON! WE SAVED EQUESTRIA!” We all gave each other hugs and laughed. The ROFLcopter was in bad shape and low on fuel but we could land.

We had won

***

In front of me was Princess Celestia smiling. To my side were my 5 friends; all having ramrod posture and steel gazes.

“In honor for saving Equestria from the rebels I present you the greatest of all of Equestria’s medals.”

I saw Princess Celestia walk towards Tyler on my far left. She picked up one of the medals and pinned it to his armor.

“Thanks babe” Tyler said

“Easy bro you don’t know what you are getting into” I whispered in a hushed tone.

In linear order Princess Celestia pinned the medals onto our (Loaned) golden armor. When she came to pin the medal onto my chest she whispered in my ear

“You know; I am kind of soggy”

“I’m getting a restraining order” I said belligerently.

***

“So we got another adventure under our belt” Mike said. We were all lounging in comfortable chairs on the roof. Drinking beers and joking about the entire experience.

“Eyup” I said “But what do we do now?”

“I don’t know. Speaking of now where’s Ayan?” Dan said. Had Ayan ran through all of his lives?

“O well; and then there were 6” Tyler joked

“Amen buddy amen” I said with a smile.

It was all over…for now

***

Konstantin was still antsy. Even after months of training he was still anxious for this big day. The fate of Russia depended on him and this mission. He had 5 minutes before the big job. Part of him (A big part) wants him to go. He knew Russia was in terrible shape; and he knew the entire country was Fubar (Fucked Up Beyond All Repair). I guess this was his ticket.

“Konstantin are you ready?” Vladimir asked

“Yes I’m ready” Konstantin said over excitedly. He couldn’t help but smile about the times when he first came to the small community he had now learned to love. He couldn’t help but smile when he thought about the times when he was afraid of Vladimir and his cronies. Not anymore.

“Too bad” Vladimir said “Neo-Nazism has fallen. We won”

“What” Konstantin barked.

“Yup; no need for this mission anymore” Vladimir said “Nice knowing you though.”

“But…” Konstantin said

“FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU”

ZE END

Legacy

Staying alive in modern day Russia is not an easy feat; especially in this day and age. The once great motherland had been thrown into disarray from vices and corruption; causing a civil war of massive proportions. Despite the bloody civil war between the Soaratnik Neo-Nazis and outsiders (Including Roma people, Muslims, and Asians) in the smaller and less populated parts of Russia people maintained normal lives. Although Moscow may burn, and St Petersburg may bleed the Siberian wasteland maintained its outlandish beauty and serenity.

Konstantin Caspersky was on his way to this Siberian Wasteland; he had received an anonymous letter stating the urgency of an event, where he was desperately needed. He flew to from Moscow to Magadan and took a train an additional 500 miles to Anderbridge. Konstantin had no clue what he was needed for; or why he was needed, all he knew was it said “Wanted” and “Job pays handsomely”; Konstantin’s two favorite things. As a computer scientist out of work his grandfather put it as

“My son paid a hundred thousand dollars for your college; and you qualify for food stamps!”

Konstantin hated it whenever his grandfather said it; it always made him feel like a failure, useless, unwanted. Sadly since the civil war computer scientists have been out of work; since the most computerized city, Moscow, was burned to the ground several years back by the Neo-Nazis. Konstantin also felt relieved when he saw Russian flags. In Kursk the Neo-Nazis loathed the Russian flag and preferred the swastika. After 10 years of seeing swastikas Konstantin felt like he had entered a dream; a real dream; it was a great feeling knowing the Neo-Nazis hadn’t destroyed this fantasy so soon.

Konstantin dropped off the train gracefully as a swan; before tripping and landing face first into a nearby bench. He was normally fit and nimble; but with suit cases in his hands and a back pack on his back he was truly encumbered.

Anderbridge seemed like one of those towns you saw in a snow globe. It was just full of quaint little houses covered in soothing white snow. The town although lacking population seemed to be well off; it still surprised Konstantin why a 1000 person hamlet would need paved roads! Many of the roads were more like walk ways; he sure was lucky he sold his car for gas money, because in this terrain he couldn’t use either.

Konstantin followed the meandering roads until he found his destination; 257 August street. Konstantin by nature was shy and timid; the last thing he wanted to do was walk into an alien house in the middle of nowhere! To play it safe he knocked thrice; the door opened to a stern looking man in a ballistic vest and garrison cap.

“Are you Konstantin?” He asked; his voice showing no emotion at all

“Yes I am Konstantin” He said “What exactly are we doing?”

The man didn’t bother to give him a reasonable response “You’ll see”

For the first time Konstantin felt nervous; nonetheless he followed the man; they went down a flight of stairs into the basement. At first Konstantin seemed confused, but the man typed a code of some sort into the wall and a secret flight of stairs appeared.

Konstantin was surprised to find that the secret 2nd basement was more like an underground house. It had plumbing, heating and furniture.

Konstantin silently followed the man into a room; in the middle was a long table; a dozen or so men sad down; Konstantin warily eyed 2 more men standing up; armed with Ak-48s.

“Hello Konstantin I presume?” An old man said “Are you Boris’s great grandson?”

How did he know about Konstantin's great grandfather?

“Yes I am” Konstantin said “Who are you?”

“My name is Yuri Turov; I worked with your great grandfather Boris” He said

“Mr. Caspersky” A man said “Please sit down and we will explain everything”

Konstantin followed orders and sat down next to Yuri.

The man stood up “How many of you know about Project BRONY”

Yuri and Yuri alone raised his hand “I worked on it with Boris”

“Good” The man said; he reached for his briefcase “Now here is a cookie” He tossed the cookie towards Yuri; everyone including Yuri and Konstantin laughed, frankly Konstantin didn’t think it was funny.

“It was a screwed up plan made by the founder of our organization Makarov” He said; everyone grew sullen at the sound of this man Makarov

“But while clearing out our warehouse in Moscow after the Neo-Nazi attack we found some interesting information about it; sadly most of the data was damaged, but we found something. Aleksey please read it” A bald man stood up; it seemed everyone wore some sort of uniform. Bullet proof vest, some kind of hat and army fatigue pants.

“In the year 2011 there were 7 successful specimens who got to the target. Target names:”

He peaked his head up from the piece of paper “The next 6 or 7 paragraphs are encrypted in binary code; sadly a dead form of language. But the last 2 sentences are not encrypted they say quote ‘They want to stay in the target zone. 20 years later all specimens are alive and still in target”

The man dropped the sheet to his side and everyone gasped, what was wrong?

“That was 50 years ago; Boris wrote that. There is still a way to get into the target.”

***

“As most of you know this would be a very simple feat; I was with Boris during that time, during 2011.” Yuri began “Sadly we now have a major hurdle; the Neo-Nazis. If it wasn’t for them and there damn fascism we could begin working right now; sadly since we are now forced to relocate, things will take far longer.”

Konstantin now knew what he was getting into; he had just heard a long speech from a man named Foma about what had gone on before. Apparently Boris, his great grandfather, was the head computer scientist for this organization “The Mstislav” or “The Vengeance and Glory”. While in his old age he was operating in America; he successfully moved 7 subjects from point A to be point B successfully; what point B was to him is still unknown.

“So are there any questions?” Yuri asked

Konstantin raised his hand “So why did you need me exactly?”

“Your great grandfather was a computer genius” Yuri stated “You are a computer scientist; we hope you inherited his traits in computer engineering”

That seemed reasonable to Konstantin “Okay but what do we have so far?”

One of the men, Vladimir Morozov gave him a hand gesture “Yuri, Konstantin follow me”

***

“This is what we have?” Konstantin questioned again; they had no modern wiring, no modern software, no modern anything, but they had the dam capsule, the dam teleporter itself!

“Yup; we didn’t have enough time to move everything before the Nazi’s came; so we took the most valuable thing” Vladimir said; giving it a good tap with his knuckles “Yup this girl should still work; with all the add ons of course”

“With all of the add ons of course” Konstantin said; what did they expect him to do? Just pull wire out of his ass? Make software off the top of his head? No way

“You got a lot of work ahead of you pal” Yuri said giving him a pat on the head

“But I just can’t do all of this! I need supplies! I need software!” Konstantin said; it wasn’t exactly just that now. He didn’t think he could do this; this was teleportation! This isn’t something you just get an estimate for! How the hell did Boris do this in the first place?

“Relax Chernov is our man” Vladimir said; Vladimir seemed like a bad ass, even by Russian standards. He had a shaved head and an eye patch he also had tattoos on his knuckles, “Hate” and “More”. When Konstantin asked what “More” was for Vladimir just punched him in this pattern “Hate”, “More” and “Hate” again; that made sense…

“Listen I understand but I don’t think I can do this” Konstantin said “I’m sure Boris could; but this!? This can’t be done by a wash up like me”

Without another word Konstantin barged out of the room, more ashamed then angry and headed up through the basement, through the original basement and out the door. Konstantin was relieved to see snow falling and children playing. Depressed at how he acted he ordered a salad at the town’s best (And only) tavern; whenever Konstantin felt sad he always ordered a salad.

While munching solemnly on his greens he felt someone walk through the door and sit next to him; it was Yuri.

“So I guess you’re pretty angry” Konstantin said; taking another bite on the leafy goodness

“Ehh no one can blame you” Yuri said; he then turned to the bartender “Vodka please” he asked

“I just don’t think I can do it” Konstantin said, now feeling even more humiliated; feeling like a child being talked down to by an adult.

“Sure you can” Yuri said for a golden citizen he sure liked his alcohol

“But I work with computers; a dying business, not teleportation and this Project BRONY” Konstantin said

“Konstantin; this is your legacy” Yuri said “He didn’t expect to finish it himself; that is why we brought you here; he wanted you here.”

For the first time Konstantin dropped his fork on the table; he knew what he had to do, he turned to Yuri “I’m in”

“Good to hear; I thought you were a real pussy!” Yuri said with a cackle

“Not anymore” Konstantin said; he turned to a bum sitting on the floor next to his table “Eat my salad”

Time for Konstantin’s legacy

Helping a Friend

Everyday seemed the same as a guard; everyday I’d wake up to Rarity sleeping next to me, get up and get ready for work I’d be out of the house by 8:00 and then head to the barracks. I’d be on patrol 8-12, break was 12-1 and the rest of the day was just standing out on guard duty.

Of the entire monotonous day my favorite part was going on patrol. There I had some time to walk around town, keep the order and think to myself. Sometimes I’d end up just drinking coffee or something…hell even once or twice I’d need to chase a thief down. But mainly my job was to just stand around and make sure everything stayed the same.

This day was just the same as every other; I woke up rolled out of bed; stretched out a little bit and made breakfast for me and Rarity (Not the best cook but god bless toasters) I kissed her goodbye and was out the door.

I then headed to the barracks; got dressed into my helmet and chest plate; spent 15 minutes trying to make the red feathers on top straight and went out on patrol.

This was one of those days where you don’t really give a damn about doing things the right way. I walked around town quickly; not really giving anyone any trouble, or even a hint they were being watched;

I then went to Mr. Cake’s bakery for a quick treat at 11. They food was good and the owners were nice but the new apprentice was a real bitch. I preferred Pinkie Pie over this weird emo colt. He had no social skills and looked like he was going to slit his hooves at any given moment; if you ask me that labels him as a lost cause.

I headed out again at 11:15 and returned my normal route. I couldn’t help but admire how big Ponyville had become. When I first came here it was just a bundle of small stores and comely houses. Now it had at leastly doubled in size, had walls, and booming commerce; the mayor even said they were going to even make a stock exchange in Ponyville (No cars but stocks?)!

With all this increase in population there sadly has been a lot more crime. Back in those first months I and my friends were the crime! Now there were actually muggers and murderers lurking in Ponyville.

That’s why I was more aggravated then surprised when I saw a crime about to be committed. A cloaked stallion was slowly walking behind a light blue unicorn, carrying a heavy looking back pack; I noticed the man eyeing the back pack and assumed the worst, he was thinking of stealing it.

But sadly In Equestria ponies have rights; I’d need to wait for him to actually try and steal it; I walked on the other side of the street, trying my best to blend into the crowd (Which was near impossible in iron armor and helmet) and watch him.

Like a bullet he ran for the back pack but surprisingly he didn’t expect me and I dashed forward; head butting him with my iron helmet, causing him to bounce back into the wall. He stumbled for a few paces but continued to run down the street nonetheless.

I followed him trying my best to sprint in the heavy armor; fortunately every time I would get fatigued from running in my armor and slow down for a second he’d trip or stumble, giving me plenty of time to pursue him.

His next move was both desperate and genius; he jumped on a nearby barrel and climbed onto the roof! I followed using his same method and for a second there he was staring right at me.

“For a guard you’re not half bad at keeping pace” He chuckled

“You know when I order you to stop I want you to stop” I said; maybe he didn’t understand that.

He just gave me a smile and jumped onto a nearby roof; the narrow streets made it possible for people to walk on the roofs; no pony though was bored enough to try though. I immediately pursued jumping from roof to roof following the thief. Several times I nearly slipped; which would be catastrophic, I’d obviously fall to my death at this height.

I was beginning to lose him with every roof; he was just far nimbler then me (Mainly because I was being weighed down by god damn metal armor) when my guardian angel appeared to deal massive ass whoppery. Another guard (But having a different version of the armor and a blue plume on his helmet) blindsided the thief causing him to smash his head on the roof.

“Tried to get away huh?” The pony said with a chuckle “Some smuggler you are”

The pony tried his best to get up but the mysterious guard kicked him right in-between the eyes; knocking him down and causing blood to gush from his nose. His head dropped down on the roof again, this time for good.

“Thanks for your help” I said, for some reason the voice sounded eerily familiar

“Hang on a second” The stallion said; I knew who it was now “Are you Vespi?”

“Tyler is that you?” I asked the stallion took his helmet off revealing his yellow coloring

He smiled “Nice to see you again Vespi”

***

“So what are you doing in Ponyville again Tyler?” I asked, of all the people I expected in Ponyville Tyler was at the bottom of my list. I hadn’t seen the guy in 6 whole months! Yet here he was having ad rink with me after turning in a smuggler.

“Yea I was sent here to track down that smuggler” Tyler said; I never knew he’d actually take his job seriously, for Tyler that is a big accomplishment

“How are things in the big city?” I asked

“Bad” Tyler said with a sigh “It is like a civil war in the city; everyone is fighting and I can’t trust anyone”

“That sucks” I said

“Hey listen Vespi” Tyler said “I know you like it here in Ponyville but I need people I can trust”

The idea of the big city was pretty intriguing; and I’ve longed to go there again have the Gala fiasco “You know I want to but Rarity has friends here; I can’t just make her leave.”

Tyler sighed “Come on man you’re a bigger pussy then NATO”

“What the hell do you want me to do bro?” I asked

“Calm down bro; I got an idea” Tyler said “Why don’t you bring her friends too?”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’ll buy you all train ticket and you guys rent an apartment and call it a vacation” He began “While you help me kick faction flank, what do you say?”

I thought about it; seemed like an okay plan “I’ll ask Rarity, I’ll stay in touch”

He patted me on the back “Hope to hear from you soon”

***

Rarity at first was skeptical but after some convincing she said “Why not”. I fell asleep that night a little afraid and a little excited.

Canterlot here I come

The Situation

I woke up in a hospital bed, not in the forest, not in the settings of my last fuck ups, in a hospital bed with my friends and family around me.

“He is awake!” A mysterious voice said, out of my line of sight; I was relieved though to see my friends and Rarity all standing there waiting for me, as though they expected me to wake up at that very second.

“Vespi your awake” Rarity said, giving me a hug “I thought you were never going to come back!”

“How long was I out?” I asked

“4 days” Rarity said, so well, that wasn’t that long

“I still can’t believe you are alive after I shot you” Tyler said, I was about to open my mouth to say the truth but Tyler’s gaze and nod said it all. That and I had a stranger feeling with the princess now, I didn’t want to be raped; but I kind of felt like she deserved some kind of love. I’ll figure that out later.

“What happened?” I asked, falling into cue

“Tyler shot you” Mike said “Fortunately that Slender dude found you and saved your life.”

I just noticed the gangly freak next to me “Thanks” I said with a smile

“Anything for a fellow nigga” He said, even though he didn’t have a mouth to talk…or for that matter ears to hear.

“He is actually just a whigger” Mike said with a smile,

The slender man just gave an impish shrug and headed towards the door

“How long do I have to stay in here for?” I asked, the doctor (Or actually a medic?) came into view

“You can leave whenever” He said

“Okay?” I said; I went to stand, so apparently I almost die but I can just not recover like that? Magic or am I that lucky?

After several more tests from our good friend “The Doc” as he called himself I was out the door like that

“So now what?” I asked

“Well first we need your help to plan the Gala” Mike said “Shit isn’t easy”

“I think I may take a nap first” I said, after the long, tedious and silent walk to the castle and our separate places Rarity and I headed into our suite.

“So what have you been doing for 4 days?” I asked

“Stuff” Rarity said with a smile

“Good to hear you weren’t that devastated when I was shot” I joked

“Of course I was worried” Rarity said “Why were you guys even hunting in the first place?”

“Sometimes a stallion has to do stallion like activities” I said turning around to lay down, that is of course before feeling Rarity give me a cute little hug from behind

“I have a stallion activity for you” She said with a giggle

Got to love married life

***

After that “Stallion activity” I felt strangely nauseous when I woke up, that was commonly the last thing I felt after this, I let Rarity sleep some more, I had to do something.

“Where are we going?” I turned around, there it was, that monster staring into my soul

“Stuff” I said, mimicking Rarity

“I hope you are going to keep your end of the deal” The monster asked “And stop calling me monster, seriously. Call me Chuck Norris”

…Chuck Norris is a guardian of time? Know your meme was right

“I’ll do that later” I said “I need to talk to the princess”

“Whatevs” Chuck Norris said, “Whatevs” was what all the bitchy girls (The grenades, not the hot ones) always said.

I just nodded and walked away, my nausea leaving me with the conversation.

I continued my walk to the princess’s royal chamber, outside yet again were 2 guards. Both guards still had that rock hard attitude that all generic royal guards seemed to have.

“No visitors are allowed” The one guard ordered

“Shut up” I said, walking besides both of them.

Just like the flashback from 4 days ago, there Princess Celestia was. She was standing out on the balcony again, glumly looking outside into Canterlot.

“Hey” I said, walking over besides her “Mind if we talk”

The princess nodded, I took my place next to her on the balcony.

“I know what happened to your parents” I said “I’m sorry”

“Thank you” Princess Celestia said, looking down into the balcony’s stone railing.

“I learned a lot about what I did wrong in life, I should have been nicer about it” I said, it sounded like bull crap but maybe she would buy it.

“it is bull crap Vespi” The princess said, letting out a long sad sigh “I’m sorry, I should have been smarter and asked you how you felt about all of this before pressuring you into it, and then of course there was the part when I killed you…” Her voice trailed off

“Is there any way I can make things better?” I asked, frankly she should be repaying me but meh the random Chuck Norris thing is the random Chuck Norris thing.

“Well…” She said her voice trailing off again “There is this one guard I kind of like”

“Really” I asked “What is his name”

“I think you know him, his name is Silver Shield” She said, I felt my jaw hit the ground, Princess X Guard?

“What am I supposed to do?” I asked

“I don’t know…” The princess said, her voice trailing off yet again “Maybe at the Gala escort him to my room?”

‘Okay...” I said, I began to head outside of the princess’s room before she stopped me at the door.

“And Vespi, don’t listen to him” The Princess said “He isn’t real”

Who wasn’t real?

“I said him! You know the thing that brought you to life!” The princess said

“O” I said “Thanks I guess”

I headed outside, now I was REALLY confused

Sorry for the short chapter, still scared i might get MRSA (Probably not)

-Vespi

The Death of Giro

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xECx-42Wlho

Wrote a 6k chapter first about Giro's death. Then i found this and thought it would be more fitting

-Vespi

Note from Vespi

(First off got this stuff stuck in my head ALL day http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8rm56hTDDs)

Alrighty so that's 2 stories down. Expect a third!

But inbetween got to get a Daring Do story out so i can get a head start on the competition. You know if a compentent writer finds such a topic i am SCREWED.

So feel free to submit ideas for the Daring Do story (Daring do and the Crimson Cataylst) on this chapter

Accepting OCs (You heard me fans)

Stay swagging

-Vespi