Lemme Smash

by marmalado

Rating: everyone
Tags: Applejack (EqG), Equestria Girls, Sunset Shimmer, Rainbow Dash (EqG), Comedy
Length: 3062

Something hurts you? Then out the door it goes. Just make sure you don't get in the way of the line of fire.

When it comes to running into furniture, there are two kinds of people. Those who say "ouch" and rub their sore body part, and those who take their vengeance out on the furniture in question.

Sunset is of the first kind.

Rainbow happens to be of the second.

An entry into the Dumb as Doornails Contest.

Published 2024-09-27 15:20:00 UTC
Last updated 2024-09-27 15:20:00 UTC

Story Does Not Contain Any Aggressive Yuri

For Sunset, having a fiery temper came with the territory of being a former villain. Sure, the anger management classes Twilight suggested were helping tremendously, but it certainly wasn't a cure-all. If she was having a particularly bad day, she wouldn't hesitate to take it out on the nearest object. (Or person, if they happened to be in the way.)

Today, though, it seemed someone was willing to step up and knock her off of the "Most Likely to Get Angry" pedestal.

As she was walking towards downtown Canterlot, loud crashing sound cut through her music, causing her to jump and making one of her earbuds fall out. Sitting in front of her was a ruined...something. It was hard to tell over all the splintered wood, but it sort of looked like a...desk, maybe? She wasn't sure. Still, she swiveled her head towards the front door, which was open.

"FUCK YOU TOO!!" came the angry shout, before the apartment door to the left slammed closed.

Part of Sunset wanted to walk on by, because she wasn't in the mood to deal with craziness today. The "help your friend" majority won out, however, and she made her way to the double-unit house carefully, stepping over the broken wood and shattered glass.

She knocked on the door twice. "Hey, Rainbow? You okay in there?"

It took a minute before the door opened, revealing a very disheveled Rainbow in sweatpants and a loose T-shirt. "Oh, hey, Sunset. Yeah, I'm fine. What's up?"

"I just saw...something wooden fly out your door."

"Oh! Yeah, that was my nightstand. Made me stub my toe on it, so it got punished."

Sunset stared. "I...what?"

"Yeah, my furniture likes to attack me. Happens more often than you'd think. And I kinda need my toes." Rainbow wiggled her toes for a moment, then winced and stopped. "Still hurts a little."

"Wait, wait, let me get this straight." Sunset took a deep breath. "Your nightstand attacked your toe, so you...threw it outside?"

"Yep!"

"So where'd the glass come from?"

"The coffee table. It only got my elbow, so I just ripped off the glass top and threw it out."

Resigning herself to the fact that she would, in fact, have to deal with craziness today, Sunset rubbed her forehead. "Rainbow, you don't have to throw your furniture out the door just because you hit yourself." she muttered. "Maybe you're just clumsy-"

"I am...not!" Rainbow shouted. "And I didn't hit myself! The furniture hit me!"

"Okay, fine, whatever you say." Sunset waved a hand. "You do know you're just gonna have to buy all that stuff again, right?"

Rainbow opened her mouth to retort, then slowly closed it. "Oh." She glanced at the broken furniture items in the front yard for all of ten seconds before her lips turned upward then parted to show two rows of teeth. "Well, that's okay. I can do without."

"Rainbow, if you keep throwing stuff out of the apartment, eventually you won't have anything left."

"Well then they should stop trying to hurt me!"

"They're not- oy." Suddenly, Sunset began to regret not buying that travel-size pack of ibuprofen she saw online while filling up an Amazon cart. She ran a hand through her hair. "Look, if you need furniture, I'm happy to go with you to the local thrift store to get some. I have nothing else going on today, and maybe I'll find something to buy while I'm there."

With a half-lidded stare, Rainbow asked, "And why can't we just go to...I dunno...Young's or something?"

"Young's has been out of business for a year now. Plus, they tried to rip me off the last time I was looking at a recliner." Sunset replied, before she suddenly straightened with an idea. "Hey...hold on a second."

"What?"

"I read something online about there being a rage room that just opened up downtown. You wanna go?"

Rainbow tilted her head slightly. "What's a 'rage room'?"

"It's where you have all these breakable items -- electronics, car windows, paint that you can throw -- and you get a bat, or any weapon you want, and go to town." Sunset grinned with delight. "I've been meaning to go there ever since it opened last week. It'd be perfect for you! So you don't have to...uh..." She glanced past Rainbow, at the living room that was surprisingly not yet barren. "Keep destroying your stuff."

"Are they gonna hurt me?"

Sunset blinked and stammered for the better part of a minute. "I...no?"

"Then count me out."

A sigh. "Okay. But my thrift store offer still stands." Sunset said, turning and walking away. "Good luck."

"Thanks. I'm gonna need it."

As Sunset made her way back down the walkway, she could've sworn she heard a muffled "FUCKING DAMN IT!!" from inside. With a groan, she continued walking towards Canterlot, hoping that, at the very least, nothing crazy was going on down there.

The next time Sunset passed by Rainbow's apartment, only a week later, more stuff was splayed out in the front yard. Some of it was completely broken, while some of it had pieces chipped off. Some of it was just downright unrecognizable.

Her head lifted, and she spotted an enraged Rainbow standing on her front porch. Sunset changed course, backing up a few paces and walking up to her.

With a smirk, "Rage room?"

And with an angry rumble, "No."

The slamming of the front door served to make the answer final.

Hearing a knock on her apartment door shook Sunset out of her Netflix trance. With a groan, she paused her show, got up, and went to open it.

"...Applejack?"

"Sugarcube, we need t' talk about Rainbow's apartment."

Sunset already knew what had happened from that one sentence alone, but nonetheless invited Applejack inside.

"Ah went by there earlier today t' invite her out for a lil' get-together, just th' two 'f us." Applejack explained, taking a seat on the couch as Sunset resisted the urge to raise an eyebrow. "But when ah got there, she looked...how do I put this, now..." She tapped her foot. "She looked like she was in some mighty despair. Her apartment barely had any furniture in it!"

"Doesn't surprise me. But go on."

"So ah asked her what happened, and she said the furniture...attacked her. She threw it out on her front yard 'cause it attacked her." Applejack threw her hands up in the air in exasperation. "Was there some attack of th' appliances ah missed or somethin'?"

Sunset sat opposite of her friend, heaving a sigh. "No. See, if Rainbow, say, stubs her toe on her cabinet, she throws it outside in retaliation. That's what she means by it attacking her. The reason why her apartment is empty is because she keeps hurting herself on all this furniture and then throwing it around her property."

A thick silence hung in the room. Sunset watched as Applejack's expression turned from pure confusion to great incredulity. Which, well, Sunset didn't blame her -- she'd react the same way if someone told her their friend thought furniture was attacking her because she knocked her elbow on the desk corner.

Applejack's uproarious laughter seemed to bounce off of the walls. "That's why?! 'Cause she's...she's..."

"A bit of a klutz?" Sunset offered. "Yeah. She's not exactly the epitome of grace. And don't get me started on when she's tired."

Clutching her stomach, Applejack couldn't offer any more in the way of words. Sunset couldn't help but throw a few of her own chuckles into the mix.

It was a few minutes before Applejack could compose herself again. "Oh..." She coughed. "She mentioned somethin' about a rage room, too. Know anythin' about that?"

Sunset nodded, perhaps a little too enthusiastically. "There's one that just opened up somewhere downtown. I offered for her to go, but she said no. Asked her a week later...still no."

"Huh. Well, if ya want my opinion, a rage room would be good. For the both of ya." Applejack said. "Sometimes ya get just a mite worked up over the lil' things, sugarcube. Havin' an outlet like that would help ya."

"I know. I wanted to go, and I thought I could take Rainbow with me, but..." The sentence ended with a shrug.

"Well, if ah know anythin' about that gal, she'll give in eventually. Gotta have furniture t' live with, y'know? Can't just chuck it out just 'cause ya bumped into it."

"Thanks for stating the obvious." Sunset deadpanned. "You should tell her, not me."

"Pretty much exhausted my one chance earlier today. Th' girl just doesn't listen t' me no matter what ah tell her." Applejack rose from her seat, giving Sunset an enthusiastic pat on the shoulder. "Gotta get back t' th' farm. Good luck."

As her friend stepped through the door, Sunset could have sworn she shot her a creepy bug-eyed look. But she ultimately chalked it up to a mind trick, and locked herself inside of her apartment for the rest of the night.

It was when the twelfth-or-so person approached Rainbow's apartment with a flyer for a charity that gave donated furniture to the needy that she finally spoke up, banging on Sunset's door at 4:30 in the morning and waking her from a sleep that the dead would be envious of.

"Take me to that rage room you were talking about. Please. Oh- oh wait, but first, take me furniture shopping. No, wait, take me furniture shopping after the rage room!"

"...Rainbow, it's a school day."

"Okay, then fine! After school! Let's go!"

"Fine. Whatever. Please leave my building."

"On it! And, uh...sorry for waking you."

"Get out."

"Getting out!"

The clerk at the front desk smiled. "So that'll be $8 for the both of you."

Sunset eagerly took out her wallet from her pocket and laid exactly $16 down on the counter. "Here you are."

"Thank you." Once the clerk put the money in the till, he opened a drawer and rustled around for a set of keys. "If you ladies will follow me, I will show you to your rage rooms."

While Sunset did, Rainbow faltered for a moment. "Hold on. What weapons do you have, exactly?"

"Oh, we have all kinds of hammers. Small hammers, big sledgehammers, you name it."

There was a knowing pause. Sunset figured Rainbow was waiting for an elaboration. But nothing came, and so her friend asked, "That's it?"

"We've had some, uh...past incidents with more pointy weapons." the clerk explained, grabbing the doorknob. "People got just a little too excited. Let's leave it at that."

"Hey, I bet those objects hurt those people somehow. Their rage is justified!"

The clerk stiffened. "Uh, yeah...they...the objects...did. Yeah."

Sunset's eyes narrowed. She knew what the clerk was getting at, but to have him not elaborate on it had to break at least one labor law. It would, at the very least, explain why she didn't see any other employees around. Or any other customers, now that she realized it.

The door in front of them opened, revealing a room that was a nightmare to anyone afraid of getting splinters. Wood covered every wall as well as the floor, and on an equally wooden table lay TVs, small nightstands, and other easily-smashed things. There were even items that looked hand-crafted.

"This will be your room, ma'am." The clerk glanced at Rainbow, then at Sunset. "As for you, if you can come with me, please?"

Sunset nodded and slid out of the room, glancing nervously behind her to make sure Rainbow wouldn't get a jump start on her. Once she was sure Rainbow was just eyeing all of the electronics she would get to smash, she looked ahead to her own room.

The clerk stuck a second key into the lock and turned the knob. "And here you are, ma'am. This will be your room."

For a whole minute, Sunset was expecting the room to look completely different. Instead, it looked the same as Rainbow's, only with a different array of electronics. This room seemed to have more wooden hand-crafted sculptures.

"Hey, can I ask a question?" Sunset pointed to one of them. "Who made these pieces?"

"Oh, those? Family members. We, uh...have a long history of anger issues. But this way, we can take our anger and put it to practical use!" the clerk explained. "Do you like them?"

"Yeah. It's just a shame I have to smash them."

The clerk chuckled. "Don't be ashamed. These pieces were generously donated." he said, patting the wall next to him. "Family business we got here."

It was a fifty-fifty chance as to whether he was talking about the rage room or the sculptures, Sunset figured. Only one of those actually made sense to her. But she declined to bet, let alone roll the dice. "Looks nice. So can I get to smashing now?"

"Sure thing. What kind of hammer do you prefer?"

Sunset opened her mouth, about to ask why the clerk couldn't let her try some out before she closed it upon realizing that if people had stabbed each other here, then there were probably more concussions caused here than world-saving catastrophes in the entire human world. "Medium-size sledgehammer?" she offered with a shrug.

With a nod, the clerk headed out of the room.

There was an angry pained yell that shot through every inch of the building.

And that was when the high-schooler-sized tantrum began to get underway.

"You got a splinter."

"Yeah."

"In your finger."

"Yeah...?"

"And that's why you started throwing stuff around the room."

"Yeah..."

"Including throwing a TV at the clerk's head when he walked in to ask you what hammer you wanted to use."

"...Yeah."

Sunset buried her head in her hands in a terrible combination of exhaustion and exasperation. She didn't know what else to say besides the obvious "You're an idiot."

And Rainbow, sitting on a cold steel bench in her jail cell, concurred with a nod and one final pitiful "Yeah."

Sunset pulled her hands away and let them hang at her sides like limp noodles. "Be lucky I was able to convince the officers to set a bail amount for you. When it comes to paying it, though..."

Rainbow shot up. "You can't pay it?!"

"Shh! Keep your voice down!" Sunset glanced to her left and then her right, noticing a disturbing amount of prisoners and guards alike staring at her oddly. She shot them all an uneven smile that even she internally cringed at before her attention went back to Rainbow. "Look, I never said we couldn't pay it. I'll try and coordinate something with the others. But if you're thinking I'm gonna bail you out-of-pocket..." She reached into her front pocket and pulled out her phone. "I have a better idea."

"What?"

"Classes."

There was a pause. Rainbow stammered for a minute, before she finally spit out, "Classes."

"Yes. If the rage room didn't help, then maybe anger management classes will." Sunset crossed her arms. "Twilight posed the idea to me, and I took her up on it. Ever since then, it's like my anger issues have just dissipated."

"Except when you play video games. I've heard stories."

This was met with a round of sarcastically bitter laughter that was quickly cut off with a glare. Video games were Sunset's weakness when it came to getting really angry, and she didn't particularly enjoy that being brought up, especially by a hypocrite who was currently facing massive consequences for her own anger issues. "Just try them out, will you?"

"Fine. But only if you pay my bail."

Sunset, knowing that certainly wasn't a fair deal, fixed Rainbow with a dull look. "No guarantees. But I'll be in touch."

There was silence within the cell. Rainbow crossed her arms and turned around slightly.

"I'm not gonna bail you out every time you throw a fit and land in ja-"

"Okay, fine! Fine." Rainbow exclaimed. "I'll take the stupid classes. Just go tell the girls!

"Already sent them a group text." Sunset glanced at her pocket, which was lit up with repeated message notifications from her phone that was placed on silent. "They'll come visit you soon."

"Great. Now leave me alone as I wonder what I'm gonna tell my parents...oh gosh, what am I gonna tell my parents..."

"You know, you could ask them to bail you out. They smother you to death. And I'm pretty sure they have more money than all of us combined, anyway." Sunset pulled out her phone and gently waved it. "Want me to shoot them a text?"

Rainbow buried her face in her hands and gave a muffled answer that Sunset couldn't understand. Regardless, she got to texting both Windy and Bow, informing them of the situation and telling them where their daughter was locked up.

"Done." She turned. "I gotta go back home, but I'll stop by later, okay?"

"Okay."

Knowing that Rainbow was miserable within these four gray walls of shame put a weight in Sunset's heart as she walked away. For a moment, she wondered if she would end up in jail one of these days because she took her anger out on some hapless bystander, even with the anger management classes. It was incredible how she hadn't wound up in jail for what she'd done already, if she was being honest. Maybe that was just luck talking.

Still, perhaps it was best if she didn't dwell on it. What mattered now was getting her friend out of jail, and all she could hope for was that her parents were willing to take care of that.

All those classes wouldn't pay for themselves, after all.

Author's Note

I set a goal for myself to get at least one contest entry done this month, because with Odd Squad UK on the horizon, I will be a very busy gal in October. It was a close tie between this one and the fifth Cozy Glow contest, but the entry to that one needs finishing and polishing, so have this stupidity I whipped up a little quicker instead.

(You could also take this as writing practice, especially for Sunset. I don't quite have her character nailed down yet, but hey, there was an attempt.)