The Daughter Of Chaos

As you may already know, I’m both a pony and a dranquaquost, so I’m sort of the first of my kind as you can figure out. From what I was told, it was front-page news that a new species was born in Equestria from one of the elements of harmony and the spirit of chaos and disharmony. From what I know, it was all everypony could talk about at the time. When I was younger, I wasn’t all that aware of how different I truly was.

Granted, I was just a young filly at the time so I wasn’t aware of it myself and so were my friends. We all got along so we didn’t care as to what we looked like or something like that from what I can remember. As I got older, around when I first became a teenager, I started to feel… different…distant…from everypony. It wasn’t that I personally minded being a hybrid back then, it’s just that being one made me feel these thoughts and emotions…and it made me feel far different from everypony else.

The older I got, the stronger these emotions became. If it wasn’t for Pastel, Sapphire, or any of my other friends, I never would have made it through school or life. I always tried to be just like everypony else, mostly because I’ve never wanted to stand out, even for a second. I’ve never wanted to be different, or special, even though I guess I was born that way. I just wanted to have a normal life and even my parents wanted that for me.

For my entire life, this was how the story went, until today. Now that everypony in the entire school knows how different I truly am, who knows what’s going to happen to me? Will I get recognized by the public? Will I get teased? Will everypony shun me? Reject me? Bully me? Never want to see my ugly, loser face for the rest of there-? I think you…understand my struggles now.

It’s not easy being the first of my kind as you can see. I haven’t…opened up like this before, from my experience, it just hurts others. I know it’ll hurt my parents if I say anything about this, I know it’ll hurt my friends so, who else can I tell about this? It’s not often that I break down those mental walls like that so…thanks for…being here. I’ll continue the story if…if I can manage myself.

I don’t know how long I was in my room. I didn’t want to see anypony right now. I didn’t even come downstairs for dinner and Tuesday tea, something that I’d never skipped in my lifetime before. I just wanted to stay in my room forever like it was my tomb, in a sense, it sort of was. I spend the hours either looking out the window, crying into my pillow, or playing the music box my parents gave me so long ago. It usually helps me calm down whether I am having a hard time at school, with my friends, or more recently, my identity.

However, this was the first time that the music box didn’t fully calm me down. Its tunes made me less sad but they didn’t cheer me up one bit. This wasn’t something that could be fixed with just a song and dance, right? If my most prized possession couldn’t calm me down, even in the slightest bit, what in Equestria could? As the sun’s shift of the day ended and the night’s shift started, I couldn't fall asleep. I tried to fall asleep a few hours prior but I just couldn’t.

There were times I couldn't fall asleep before which I’m still not sure as to why I couldn’t but this time, I knew the answer to this reason, I had too much on my mind. As I looked out the window, I saw the backyard with all the animals heading off to bed when I heard a knock on my door.

“Rosie?” I heard my mother’s voice say with a soft voice.

“I…I don’t want to talk to you and Dad right now!” I exclaimed, sadness visible in my voice.

“It’s just me Rosie, for a minute?” Mom asked again.

This time, I didn’t respond as I continued to look out the window. Unfortunately, I heard my door open and I knew that my mother was there. I heard her slowly trot over to my bed as I could see her in the windows' reflection.

“I said I didn’t want to speak with you right now,” I said as I could see my mother’s reflection looking down at the ground.

“All I wanted to do was to check on you. It’s…it’s not often that you skip Tuesday tea.” Mom said as I noticed a small tea set on her back, two cups, and a pot which I’m guessing was filled with tea.

“I’m not in the mood for tea,” I said, refusing to look at Mom.

“It’s your father’s special tea.” Mom said as I glanced at her reflection to see that she was indeed correct. She had brought my favorite kind of tea, the one that made me forget my worries for a little while...and it was the one that sang one of my favorite tunes.

“I don’t…I can’t forget what I’m going through right now, I’ll just hurt more when I remember it again.” I said as Mom sat on a small corner of my bed and she then set the tea down on the floor.

“Your father and I were worried about you.” Mom said in her quiet voice.

“Why? Because I inherited magic that I never wanted to begin with? Thanks for that.” I said as my volume started to rise a little. “Now everypony in Equestria will know how much of a freak I am,” I said in a lower voice. My room then became more…quiet, as if all noise just ceased to be. My mother then reached down to the ground and then poured herself a small cup of tea.

“Did your father ever tell you the story of when he almost disappeared because he lost who he was?” Mom asked as she then took a quiet sip of her tea.

“Not that I can remember,” I responded.

“It was one of the most special moments that we had together.” Mom said as she told the tale.

“Back before you were born and Tuesday tea was just me and your father, he wanted to throw me a tea party for all the care I gave him. While he was shopping for supplies, other ponies told him that we were too different to be friends. So he turned his old, chaotic house into a regular home, just so that I would like it, but I didn't like it. I thought it was too normal…too bland and not at all like Discord. That act of being too normal caused him to slowly fade away as I had to help him get back to being his chaotic self.” My mother said as she finished her tale.

“What does this have to do with me? I’ll disappear in a few minutes?” I asked as I could feel my mother’s soft look.

“It’s because just like your father and even me one or a few times, you have to be and do you, so what if some ponies judge you? Would you rather be judged for being you than being normal and like everypony else?” Mom asked as I felt her words sink into my brain.

“It’s…It’s not that simple. You and even Dad aren't the first of your kind. No matter where I go, I’m always judged, nitpicked, and anything else. “You can’t possibly know what I deal with every single day.” I said as I could see my mother’s reflection looking down again.

“I don’t. Neither does your father. We won’t and we will never truly know what life is like for you, but we can change the way it affects you.” Mom said. “I suppose it’s getting late. I’ll…I’ll let you sleep on it.” Mom then grabbed the tea set, placed it on her back, and closed my door.

I want to say that I was able to sleep that night, for my and maybe your sake but…I couldn’t. It’s kind of ironic that I couldn’t sleep on what my mother said to me. It’s not that simple of just letting everypony judge me. It seems like the older I get, I…I feel this responsibility to…to…to be representing my kind.

It feels like it gets stronger and bigger every day and I just can’t keep up with it anymore. It feels like I'm drowning at a pool with no lifeguard on duty, or I'm falling through a bottomless pit. Maybe I should have asked for a cup of tea, maybe it would have let me rest for a while. If only I could use my chaos magic to turn myself into just a regular Earth Pony, a Unicorn, or a Pegasus, that way I could blend into society instead of being a big, fat, anomaly which now that I think of it…I’m getting ahead of myself. For now, though, I have to face the hardest and worst day of my entire life, the next day.