"AAAAHHHH!"

Not really thinking, I moved to slap the horse. But, before My hand made contact, it was enveloped in a green aura and stopped moving. I attempted to pull my hand back, but it wouldn't budge. Then, I looked at the horse, It had a horn, and the horn was glowing the same green as the aura around my hand, the horse was a unicorn. My jaw dropped, then my body followed as I fell to the ground.

My head was pounding, like a jackhammer was jacking against my skull, or whatever the term for using a jackhammer is. I stood up, or at least tried to, but something pushed me back down, followed by a gruff, vaguely sounding southern voice.

"Whoa there pal, you took a heavy tumble earlier, I wouldn't recommend getting up just yet."

With my head still pounding, making it hard for me to think or speak coherently, I simply grunted in response. Opening my eyes, I quickly clamped them shut as I was almost blinded by a light coming in from a nearby window.

"You alright there fella?" the voice asked again. Not knowing what to do, I tried to speak.

"Head...ugh...hurt...light...bright...feel...shit." I groaned out. The voice chuckled in response.

"Hitting your head tends to do that to a man, let me fix you up a bit." As the voice finished speaking, a strange feeling akin to a hot shower overtook me. As the feeling dissipated, so too did my headache, giving me newfound courage to open my eyes again.

I turned away from the window that nearly blinded me and came face to face with a horse. I froze, looking the horse dead in the eyes. After what felt like a few minutes, but was probably just a few seconds, the horse spoke.

"You feeling any better?" The horse asked, the vaguely southern voice coming from its mouth. I continued to look into its eyes for a few seconds before doing something very reasonable.

"AAAAHHHH!" I screamed ~~femininly~~, moving away from the horse while flailing my arms like a madman. "WHAT IN THE FUCK ARE YOU?!"

The horse chuckled at my ~~freaking out~~ totally reasonable reaction before speaking. "The names Paul, and I take it you ain't ever watched My Little Pony."

"STAY AWAY DEMON!" I continued to scream, now standing on the table and pushing at him from afar with a chair. "YOU SHALL NEVER TAKE MY LIFE, OR MY DICK!"

"How about you get off my dining table and we talk this out like nice, civilized people." Paul said, slowly walking towards me in a non-threatening manner.

"NICE TRY DEMON!" I bellowed back, randomly swinging the chair around me in a failed attempt to look intimidating. "I WON'T FALL FOR YOUR TRICKS!"

Paul let out a sigh of exasperation. "Please can we just talk this out," Paul pleaded, losing his slight Southern accent. "It's so lonely out here and I haven't talked with another person since I got to this world."

"What do you mean 'got to this world'?" I asked, finally calming down and lowering the chair. "And what are you?"

"Just sit down and I'll explain everything." Paul answered, pulling out a chair and sitting down at the table.

I slowly stepped off the table, set the chair on the ground, and sat down opposite Paul. "Please do," I demanded. "starting with what the hell are you and where are we?"

Paul sighed before the green aura pulled off his cloak, "I am an alicorn." I barely noticed he said anything as I was both amazed and confused by what I saw before me. Paul stood as tall as me, with a green coat and white mane and tail, but my eyes were most attracted to his horn and wings. The wings were covered in feathers of various shades of green, including several harsh and natural shades of bright green. while his horn was a soft lime green, just like the aura I kept seeing.

"And we," Paul gestured around us with a hoof. "are in Equestria."

"Okay," I replied, holding my hands pressed palm to palm and finger to finger before me. "so you're a magic unicorn pegasus horse thing."

"Alicorn, I'm an alicorn."

"And we are in some place called 'Equestria'," I said, Paul nodded. "Is this hell?" I asked, looking around. "did I die? Is this my eternal punishment?"

Paul let out an exasperated sigh before looking me in the eyes. "No, we are not dead. We are in the world of the TV show, My Little Pony. you got that?"

I nodded in response.

"Good. Right now, we are 1,000 years before the show takes place. Still understand?"

"So far, yes" I replied, resting a hand on my chin.

"Good, good. Right now, we are in the Everfree Forest, a deadly forest full of beasts and monsters that will kill you without a second thought."

"So I've been isekaied?" I asked.

"Pretty much," Paul responded. "But instead of hot elves and fighting demons, there's magic ponies and friendship."

"UUUGGGHHH!" I groaned. "I was right, this is hell."

Paul let out a light chuckle, getting his accent back. "Yep, but lucky for you, I've been in this world for five years now. And I'll happily teach you a thing or two," Paul leaned back in his chair with a smirk. "for a favour."

"What's the favour?"

Paul's smirk turned serious as he leaned forward. "I want someone from Earth that I can talk to about Earth things."

"Really?" I asked, expecting Paul to ask me for money, or to be his butler, or something along those lines. "Is that all?"

Paul looked at me for a moment before answering. "Do you know how lonely it is not being able to talk to ANYBODY about the things you like or the things you know?" Paul looked down at his hooves, tears welling in his eyes before looking back at me. "I can't talk to any of the local citizens about anything I like without sounding crazy or psychotic. It's been like this for FIVE. FUCKING. YEARS!" Paul punctuated his words by slamming a hoof down on the table each time.

"Christ" I muttered. "I can't imagine what that's like. You know what, you've got yourself a deal." I extended my arm for a handshake, which he took eagerly. "What do you wanna talk about first Paul." Paul's eyes lit up as he thought about what to talk about.

After several minutes of pacing and mumbling to himself, Paul turned to me. "How were you isekaied?"

I looked at him for some time before speaking up. "There I was, being gangbanged by two Minigun Dozers, a Medic, and a Cloaker..."

On the border of the Everfree Forest sat a quaint town by the name of Bark Rock. As the sun lazily shone down upon the ponys going around their business, a figure wearing a worn-down cloak entered the town. The figure looked around at all the stores before finding what they wanted. A bar, with a sign hanging above the doorway that reads 'The Drunken Ore' and a picture of a clump of rocks next to a tankard.

The figure entered the bar, drawing the eyes of the bartender and a dishevelled pegasus in the corner, the only ponies present. The figure approached the bar, where the bartender was cleaning a mug with a cloth.

"What'll it be?" The bartender asked, eying up the figure cautiously.

"Ale," A feminine voice spoke from beneath the cloak, putting a talonful of Bits on the counter. "and any information on a pony by the name of Paul."

Author's Note

Fun facts with Kiwi Panzer:
Paul was originally meant to be the famous fandom character Anon. Specifically, he was meant to be Anon Filly, but in the end, I decided to go for somebody with more character than 'anybody can imagine themselves as me',