Scam Your Heart Away

by ShowShine

Rating: teen
Tags: Diamond Tiara, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Filthy Rich, Romance, Flim and Flam
Length: 9791

Now single and ready to mingle, Filthy Rich goes to find himself a new life companion. Surprisingly, it's none other than Flam Scam.

Now single and ready to mingle, Filthy Rich finds himself a new life companion. Surprisingly, it's none other than Flam Scam.

Written for M/M Shipping Contest 4

Published 2024-10-15 01:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2024-10-19 23:53:37 UTC

Ding!

Filthy Rich sighed, tapping his hoof against the table. He looked into his cheaply made drink, his ears twitching at the smooth jazz around him.

Ding!

A bell rang, snapping Filthy Rich back to attention. He straightened his posture, quickly adjusting his tie. A smile that said, ‘Come talk to me, I’m single!’ was spread on his face. He kept his eyes wide and alert, searching for his next potential suitor.

A purple pegasus plopped in front of him, an overenthusiatic smile on her face. She squinted, getting a good look at the stallion's face. Her smile spread bigger, and her eyes grew wide.

“Oh my Celestia! You’re Filthy, right? Owner of Barnyard Bargains?” She asked. Filthy Rich grimaced.

“Yes. And it’s Mr. Ri-”

Oh. My. Celestia!” The mare interrupted, her wings fluttering excitedly. “I always wanted to date a rich stallion!”

Filthy Rich held back a grimace, coarsely clearing his throat.

“Is that right?” He asked through gritted teeth.

“Oh, where are my manners? I’m Flitter! And you’re Filthy, but you already knew that!” She lunged across the table, gripping Filthy’s hooves into hers. She shook them erratically, his arm quickly going numb.

“I’ve read all of your magazines and watched all your interviews!” She blabbered, still yanking his hoof to and fro. If she kept it up any longer, Filthy would consider gnawing his arm off.

“You’re the richest stallion in Ponyville!” She stated the obvious. An excited gasp left her lips. “If we get married, then I’ll be the richest mare in Ponyville! Wouldn't that be so exciting!?”

Ding!

“Oh man, times up already?” Flitter pouted, finally letting go of Filthy’s arm. She looked back at Filthy Rich, giving him a sly wink. “Call me.” She whispered as she sauntered away. Filthy Rich deflated in his seat, letting out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding.

He rubbed his hooves together, trying to regain the feeling in his hoof. That mare had no class. He shuddered at the thought of dating someone so…uncouth. Whoever was next couldn’t be as bad as her.

A pinkish-purple mare stumbled forward, a goofy grin on her face. She walked as if she had four left hooves. Between her teeth, she held a glass bottle.

Filthy Rich recognized her, the local drunk. Her name was Berry Punch, if he recalled correctly. She thudded in front of Filthy Rich, nearly knocking the table over.

Berry Punch gurgled, drool spilling onto the table. Filthy Rich tried his best not to recoil. He had no right to judge. What if she was more than she seemed?

“...Hello?” Filthy Rich wearily greeted with a tilt of the head. Berry Punch looked up, a dumb smile plastered onto her face.

“I’m just here for the drinks.” Berry Punch slurred, popping the wine bottle open. She tilted her head back, guzzling the bottle.

Of course, she was. Filthy noted how she was always first when he stocked up on wine. As disgusted as Filthy Rich wanted to be, he was rather impressed that she could get through a bottle of wine that fast.

She popped her head up, the cheap wine dribbling down her chin. Her eyes wandered to the drink in front of the stallion. Berry Punch reached across the table, sliding her hoof across Filthy’s glass.

“You don’t mind, do you?” She asked. Before he had to answer, she had already gulped it down. Filthy grimaced. That didn’t even have alcohol in it!

Ding!

“Byeeee Dirty Wealth.” Berry Punch sang, stumbling off.

“It’s Filthy Rich.” He huffed, slamming his hoof across the table. The nerve of that mare!

Part of him wanted to give up and call it a night. But a businessman doesn’t give up on one bad offer. He just had to push through. There had to be one good pony in this town.

Everypony in this town was absolutely horrendous! Filthy Rich had been here for two hours, twenty-seven minutes, and thirty-two seconds (trust him, he counted), and he still hadn’t found anyone.

What was wrong with these ponies? It was just one country bumpkin complaining after the next; Divorce, breakups, it was exhausting! And if they weren’t complaining, they were gushing over how rich he was! Did these ponies have no class?

Filthy Rich groaned, burying his face between his hooves. He had been here for half the night, and no one came close to piquing his interest.

Maybe dating wasn’t for him. He was getting up there in age, after all.

Filthy Rich sighed. It was time to cut his losses and go home. Filthy Rich dug in the collar of his tie, pulling out a gold-plated pocket watch. It was getting late. He had told Diamond Tiara that he would be home by now. She must’ve still been up, waiting for him.

“Is this seat taken?” Someone asked, snapping Filthy from his sorrows. A yellow unicorn stallion stood before him, a kind smile on his face. As much as Filthy Rich wanted to up and leave, he had to admit that this stallion was handsome.

How he held himself, his clothes, his apple-red mane with snow-white stripes; it all seemed so intriguing to Filthy. And his mustache…by Celestia, his mustache was glorious. He didn’t look like any stallion he had seen around these parts.

It wouldn’t kill him to try one more time.

“Go right ahead.” Filthy challenged. The stallion sat down, carefully eyeing Filthy Rich.

“Well, aren’t you a dashing fellow?” He teased. Filthy straightened his posture, a small forming.

“I’m glad somebody finally noticed.” Filthy sighed in relief. Flam only smiled wider, reaching for the stallion's hoof.

“Flam’s the name, and charming is my game,” Flam said, pressing a kiss on Filthy’s hoof. Filthy’s heart sped up. Well, this is different.

Flam leaned into his hooves, a dashing smile appearing. Filthy Rich adjusted his tie.

“Pardon my French, but I was beginning to think there was no class in this town. You know how to treat a stallion.” Filthy chuckled. Flam wiggled his shoulders with pride.

“Well, that’s where I’m different. I’m from Canterlot. The ‘Big Apple!’”

Filthy tilted his head.

“I thought Manehatten was the Big Apple?”

“No, no, that’s the Big Pear. Common mistake.”

Filthy slowly nodded. Flam leaned closer to the stallion, tilting his head.

“So, what does a fine stallion such as yourself do for a living?” Flam asked. Someone was finally asking about him? Well, this just had to be a dream come true!

“Weeeeell, I run a business right here in Ponyville.” Filthy smirked. Flam gasped, throwing his hoof to his mouth.

“What a coincidence! I run a business, too!”

“Is that right?”

“Mhm! Right in Las Pegasus!”

Filthy Rich had to admit, he was impressed. A stallion who didn’t know who he was and a businessman? He hit the jackpot.

Ding!

Was time up already? Filthy could’ve sworn they had more time. Flam glanced at the next table before giving Filthy a sly look.

“Well, I better get going. Plenty of other ponies to talk to.” Flam stood up, beginning his departure. Filthy’s hooves worked faster than his body, lunging to Flam's arm. His grip was tight, nearly causing Flam to stumble.

“Don’t go.” He whimpered a little too pathetically for his liking. Filthy Rich cleared his throat, adjusting his tie.

“I think we should talk some more.” He added. Flam smiled, playfully shrugging.

“Well, if you insist,” Flam said, sitting back down. Filthy Rich’s heart sped up. He lifted his hoof, flagging down a waiter.

“Excuse me! I’d like to get some breadsticks.” He looked back at Flam. “And some menus while you’re at it.”

Filthy Rich and Flam exited the restaurant, laughing to each other. Filthy Rich wiped a tear from his eye, tapering his laugh off with a sigh.

“Oh, Mr. Flam, I had such a wonderful time with you.” Filthy Rich giggled wistfully.

“I have to say, you’re quite the charmer yourself.” Flam complimented back.

“It’s getting late, I should get going.” Filthy Rich said. “Have a good night, Mr. Flam!”

Flam waved goodbye as he watched the businessman depart. He stared as Filthy Rich slowly disappeared into the horizon until he was just a little speck.

“Alright, he’s gone,” Flam announced to the bushes. With a quick rustle, Flim flopped from the greenery. He shook like a dog, leaves flying off his body.

“Couldn’t you have chosen a seat closer to the window? I could barely hear the conversation.” He scolded. Flim annoyingly pawed at his ear. “I think I got stuck in here”

“He was already near the door! I couldn’t just ask him to change seats.” Flam defended. Flim huffed, picking a branch from his mane.

“Did you at least get his attention?” Flim asked eagerly. Flam playfully rolled his eyes.

“Who do you think I am? Of course, I got his attention. We have a rendezvous in the park tomorrow.” Flam said in a matter-of-fact tone.

He stuck his tongue out, beginning to rummage through his shirt pocket. “I also got this!” Flam held out the gold-plated watch. Flim stared at the watch in awe.

“That looks like it could be worth a fortune.” Flim marveled. Flam nodded.

“The sucker didn’t even notice that I nabbed it!” He boasted. Flim leaned in closer, wrapping his arm around his brother's shoulder.

“You remember the plan, right?”

“First take his heart, then his career!” Flam recided. Flim nodded in agreement.

“And when you break his sad, little heart, he’ll be too weak to fight for his business!” Flim continued. The brothers cackled into the night sky.

It was the perfect plan.

Walk In The Park

Flam stood outside the park, his heart buzzing with mischief. He was confident, charming, and downright handsome. He’d have Filthy Rich’s business in a shake of a lamb hoof! All he had to do was step into the park and-

“Now, hold your horses, dear brother!” Flim scolded, yanking Flam’s tail. Flam glared at the mustacheless unicorn, scrunching his muzzle in annoyance.

“What could you possibly need?” Flam hissed, jerking his tail away. Flim put his hoof up, shushing his brother.

“You remember what you need to say, right?” Flim inquired. Flam rolled his eyes, throwing his head back.

“Yes, I remember. You don’t need to treat me like a foal.” He huffed. Flim ignored his brother’s annoyance, wrapping his arm across Flam's shoulders.

“Even if you don’t, I’ll be there to coach you. Just make sure to say what I say. I am the smart one, after all.” Flim boasted with a smug smile. His smile faltered, and his gaze began to drift. ”Besides, don’t want a recreation of the…incident.” Flim shuttered.

Flam pursed his lips, his mind wandering back. Three years of dating down the drain…He quickly shook his head, puffing out his chest.

“I can do this, Flim.” He insisted, pushing Flim’s arm off of him.

“Fine, fine. No need to get snippy.” He huffed. “Keep your eyes peeled. I’ll be there for you.” Flim said. Before Flam could ask for clarification on that rather cryptic message, Flim was already prancing into the park.

Was his brother actually…supporting him? No, that didn’t sound right; it had to be something else. And knowing Flim, it was probably something ridiculous.

Flam strolled through Ponyville Park, taking in the sights. The grass was a luscious green, flowers sprouting about. He had to admit, it was beautiful.

When he and Flim took over Barnyard Bargains, he had to come here more often. And then he could buy it and make ponies pay to see it! No one just deserved to see such a sight without a price.

He stopped upon a field, isolated from any ongoers. Tall trees surrounded the field, creating the perfect ratio of shade and light.

Filthy Rich sat in the middle of the field, lounging on a picinic blanket. He had already pulled out an assortment of food, which resided next to a picnic basket.

For a moment, Flam was absolutely enamored. The sun caught his black mane at a perfect angle, and his eyes shined a brilliant blue.

Flam didn’t want to admit it, but Filthy Rich was actually attractive. He couldn’t be blamed for finding the stallion attractive; most businessmen were.

Filthy Rich’s eyes caught the unicorns. He lit up, wildly waving his hooves in the air. “Hello, Mr. Flam!” He greeted all-too-happily.

“Greetings, Mr. Rich,” Flam responded, plopping onto the blanket.

“It is an absolute pleasure to see you again.” Filthy Rich complimented, shaking Flam’s hoof. “For a second, I feared you weren’t going to show.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” Flam responded with a smile. For a businessman, Filthy sure wore his heart on his sleeve. Flam watched as his tail swished in excitement.

“I have just the drink for today.” Filthy bragged, reaching into the picnic basket. His hooves rummaged through the basket, a frown forming. “Now, I know it’s in here somewhere.” He muttered disgruntedly, shoving his head in deeper.

Flam's eyes wandered upwards, his breath catching in his throat. Oh, he had to be joking.

Within the too-tall tree resided Flim, pressed between two branches. Flim waved enthusiastically to his brother, pointing to Filthy Rich. Is that what he meant by ‘I’ll be there for you’? Flam squinted, trying to decipher what his idiotic brother was saying.

“Ask him about his business,” Flam managed to make out. Filthy popped up, grinning ear to ear.

“Found it!” He cheered, a wine bottle in hoof. Flam glanced back at Flim, who was eagerly pointing at Filthy. Flam looked back at Filthy, who held out a glass of wine. “For you, mon cher.” He offered.

Flam all too gratefully took it, immediately bringing the cup to his lips. Most might think it was too early to drink, but it was 6 o’clock somewhere. Within seconds, he downed the cup. It was sweeter than he had anticipated, coating the back of his throat with a sugary paste.

“So, what do you exactly do at your job?” Flam asked. Of course, he already knew. How could he not? That was the whole reason he was here.

Filthy Rich shrugged, dismissively waving his hoof.

“Oh, the business isn’t much. I want to hear more about you.” He said, refilling Flam's glass.

Ugh, of course, this sap would want to talk about him. This was a date.

“Such as?” Flam inquired. Hopefully, it wasn’t anything too personal. Flam might have been an ironclad con artist, but he still had his limits.

“Oh, simple things. Like, who’s your favorite celebrity?”

Right, these were average first-date questions. As much as Flam wanted to get into the nitty-gritty of it all, he had to, unfortunately, play along.

“I liked Countess Coloratura before her…” Flam shuddered, “Rebrand.” All of the personal music sent a chill up his spine. What happened to the drama? The glamor?

Filthy Rich’s eyes lit up.

“One of my business partners was the one who inspired that.” He started cheerfully. A business partner? If he had any business partners, Flam had to know. It was vital to the plan, after all.

“Oh?” Flam inquired.

“Mhm! Applejack down at Sweet Apple Acres. Maybe you’ve heard of her?”

Flam clenched his jaw shut, squeezing his hooves against his cup. Of course, Applejack had something to do with it. He desperately needed to drop her from the business when he got the chance.

“What do you like to do in your free time?” Flam quickly changed the subject. Talking about that apple horse was more trouble than it was worth.

“Free time? I don’t get much of that. It’s only business for me.” He stated cheerfully. Flam resisted the urge to frown. This stallion lived a sad, sad, life. “Scone?” Filthy Rich offered.

“Don’t mind if I do,” Flam said, happily levitating the scone. He took a firm bite, wincing in pain. It was like biting into a rock! The unicorn ran his tongue across his teeth, checking for any chips or cracks.

“Did you bake these yourself?” Flam asked, rubbing his aching jaw.

“Sure did!” Filthy Rich admitted far too proudly. If all of his baking was like this, Flam should do his kitchen a favor and burn it down.

Flam caught Filthy’s gaze again. It was loving and sappy. It almost made Flam’s stomach churn.

“I don’t say this to just anyone, but I think In six months, we can be wedded.” Filthy Rich said happily. Flam inhaled his drink, sending him into a spiraling coughing fit.

“Wedded?” Flim hissed from the tree. Flam flicked his head back, flinging the scone toward Flim. It hit his temple with a ‘thunk.’

“Isn’t that a bit fast, my dear?” Flam asked through gritted teeth.

“I know I’m moving fast, but that’s just how it is with business.” Filthy Rich shrugged. “And if everything goes according to plan, we should have a foal or two on the way.”

A wave of nausea hit Flam. Having a runt running around was disgusting. Flam threw his head back, downing his alcohol. From the side of his eye, Flam could’ve sworn he saw Filthy grin. It wasn’t a normal, happy grin. It was a deceitful, mischievous-filled one. Flam had seen it many times before.

“While we’re asking questions, I have an important one for you.”

Flam hummed in response, clearing his mouth of any liquid.

“What intentions do you have with my business?”

“Pardon?” Flam gasped.

“No one just gets with me because I’m charming. They get with me because of the stuff I have.”

Flam flicked his ear toward the tree, listening for Flim.

“Say that-” The branch snapped under him, sending him plummeting downhill. Flam winced as he heard Flim roll down the grassy planes.

“Oh, Celestia, it hurts!” Flim cried, his voice growing distant.

Flam’s attention snapped back to Filthy Rich, sweat forming at his brow. Filthy Rich had the same stern glare.

Filthy Rich pressed his snout against Flams’, his gaze hard. He could feel the earth ponys breath against his snout.

“Answer the question, Mr. Flam.” He said through gritted teeth.

Think, Flam, think! One wrong move could ruin this whole operation!

“You have a business?” Flam blurted. He quickly bit his tongue at the idiotic question. Of course, he had a business! They literally talked about it last night! They were talking about it right now!

Filthy Rich’s demeanor faltered, a giggle leaving his lips. The giggle quickly turned into a fit of laughter. All Flam could do was laugh with him.

“Oh, Mr. Flam, you’re just too funny!” He chuckled. “I like that in a stallion.”

“Yup, that’s who I am! The funny one!” Flam forced out a laugh. Filthy Rich snorted, wiping a tear from his eye.

“I need someone funny like you in my life. Celestia knows my ex-wife wasn’t.”

A beeping came from the stallion's wrist, catching his attention. Filthy Rich looked at his wristwatch, his eyes widening a bit.

“Oh, Celestia, is it that late already?” He muttered in disbelief. He looked back at Flam, giving him a loving smile. “I’d love to stay and chat, but I have a busy day.” Filthy Rich dug into the collar of his tie, pulling out a business card. He jutted the card toward Flam.

“Meet me here tomorrow,” Filthy instructed. On the card was an address. Did Mr. Rich have a second secret business?

Filthy Rich happily trotted away, his tail swishing rhythmically. Flam looked down. Filthy left his picnic blanket and food. He may be rich, but surely he wasn’t dumb enough to leave all of this.

“Aren’t you gonna take your stuff?” Flam called out. The earth pony lifted his hoof above his head, waving the other off.

“Keep it! Think of it as a gift.” Filthy instructed. Alright, so he was dumb. Honestly, that fact just made everything easier. If he was this dumb, Flam could get away with anything!

Flam looked down at the business card, then back to the departing stallion. Though the conversation was fleeting, Flam felt like he made incredible progress. He buzzed with pride.

The unicorn's attention snapped to a low grunt from behind him. Flim lay on the ground, his body covered in purple bruises.

He dragged himself across the grass, his clothes torn and tattered. If Flam didn’t know any better, it looked like his brother was about to pass out. Flim wearily looked around. Well, he tried, but both of his eyes were swollen shut.

“Where’z Filthy?” Flim slurred, his legs trembling. He leaned on Flam, trying his hardest not to collapse.

“Dear brother of mine, I think I might have found our way in.”

Stealing Candy from a Filly

Flam stood in front of a house. A house? He took another glimpse at the business card. Sure enough, the address matched. He was expecting something better, like an office building or a casino.

Is this where Filthy Rich lived? Though it was bigger than most houses in the area, Flam was expecting flare. Pizzaz, even. Where were the marble pillars and the gold-plated windows? But much more importantly, who keeps business cards with their home address?

Flam cleared his throat, turning up his charm.

“Hell-o, my sweetkins, I’ve arrived!” Flam sang out, knocking on the door. The door swung open, Filthy Rich standing within.

“Well, hello, Mr. Flam.” Filthy Rich greeted. He moved to the side, gesturing for Flam to step in. “Welcome to my humble abode.” He said with a playful bow.

The house's interior was much fancier than the exterior. The floors were marble, and the walls were granite. The floors were so clean that he could see his reflection. Flam suspected that Filthy Rich had maids.

“Nice place you have here.” Flam complimented. Filthy chuckled.

“Oh, it’s nothing much. Just living comfortably.” He brushed it off. ‘Living Comfortably’ Flams flank. This place was humongous compared to the dump he and Flim lived in.

“I have to show you someone very important.” Filthy Rich smiled. This was it! Flam was going to find something to take over Barnyard Bargains. Maybe this mysterious pony was a high-ranked investor.

Flam followed the stallion into the living quarters. It was spacious. So spacious that it had twelve couches scattered about. When Flam made it big, he had to buy this place off Filthy.

“Diamond Tiara!” Filthy Rich called out. Diamond Tiara sounded like a fancy name. Perhaps they were a diamond investor. Flam needed someone like that—a pink filly toddled down the hallway, a smile on her face.

“Here’s my pride and joy.” Filthy announced. Diamond Tiara nuzzled into her father's legs, staring at Flam with child-like wonder. A child? That’s what was so important? He could find a child on the street any day.

“I’m sorry to trick you like this, but most ponies aren’t willing to spend time with my sweet Diamond Tiara so early on.” Filthy Rich explained. Flam looked down at the sweet filly and quickly back to Filthy.

“I…love kids.” Flam strained to say. Filthy’s face lit up.

“Well, I’m glad! You need to get my little Diamond Tiara’s approval before we date.” He explained. “She’s very special to me. Isn’t that right?”

“Mhm!” Diamond Tiara squeaked happily. “I’ll make sure he’s perfect for you, daddy!”

Great, now Flam would be serving some brat for Celestia knows how long. He really should’ve let Flim take over this con.

“Now, play nice, sweetie. Don’t scare him off.” Filthy Rich ordered, patting his daughter's head. He turned his attention to Flam. “I’ll be back within the hour.” Filthy Rich reassured. And with that, Filthy Rich walked out of the room.

Flam stared at the filly, trying his darndest not to cringe. Out of all things, why did he have to impress a child? The air was thick as the pair continued to stare at each other. Was he supposed to say something?

“Let’s play in my room.” Diamond Tiara suggested, breaking the silence. Well, it was more like a command than a suggestion because she was already leading Flam away from the living room.

Flam grumbled to himself, reluctantly following the child. His entire plan was in the hooves of some child! If he were in Filthy Rich’s hooves, he wouldn’t listen to some little girl for advice. He’d take charge! He'd date any handsome suitor that came his way without asking a child twice.

After a long trek down an endless hallway, they finally made it to Diamond Tiara’s room. Flam’s jaw dropped so hard that it nearly popped off.

This room was bigger than the living room! At this point, Filthy Rich was just wasting space. No normal pony needed this much space. But despite the sheer size, it still looked like a filly’s room. Posters of boy bands and frills everywhere.

One thing that stood out to Flam was a small table in the middle of the room. It was a bulky plastic, looking as if it were made for a toddler rather than a rich filly. Honestly, it stuck out like a sore horn. On the table was a quaint little tea set. Nothing fancy like Flam had expected.

Diamond Tiara pranced to the table, shimmying into the plastic seat. She demandingly pointed to the seat across from her.

“Sit! We’re having tea.”

The unicorn huffed. Is this what his day was going to be? He could be having tea with nobles in Canterlot! Flam eyed the seat wearily. There was no way in Tartarus that he could fit; it was meant for a child!

But Diamond Tiara stared at him with big, expecting eyes. He muttered a profanity, lowering himself into the chair. The stallion shoved his rear into the seat, the plastic pinching at his sides uncomfortably.

Diamond Tiara chuckled, grasping to a teacup. Flam held the cup between his hooves.

Holy Celestia, this was real China. Not only that, the engravings were made of gold. Flam resisted the urge to nab on right then and there. Diamond Tiara’s eyes bored into him. There was no way he could take it without her noticing.

Flam’s gaze wandered to a dresser pressed against the wall. On the dresser was a jewelry box. It spilled over with dozens upon dozens of necklaces. Even from across the room, Flam could tell those had real gems.

With a subtle flash of the horn, he teleported a necklace to his person. It was nestled comfortably under his hat.

He glanced back at Diamond Tiara, who stared at him expectedly. The unicorn brought the cup to his lips, slurping at the air within.

“Mmm, how delicious.” He complimented, patting his stomach. Diamond Tiara scrunched up her muzzle, staring at Flam as if he had lost his mind.

“Um, we’re having real tea. I’m not a baby; I don’t pretend.” Diamond Tiara rolled her eyes. She clapped her hooves, catching the attention of a nearby butler.

“Randolph, can you be a dear and fetch us some tea?” Diamond Tiara asked, batting her eyelashes. Who in the hoof was Randolph?

"Yes, Miss Tiara." Someone spoke. Flam whipped his head around, nearly jumping from his seat. An elderly purple earth pony stood in the corner of the room. How long had he been there?

As Randolph left, he gave Flam a longing look. Pity filled his eyes. Flam had no reason to be pitied. As the stallion left, Flam looked back at the filly.

Before he could predict it, Diamond Tiara lunged toward the stallion. She grabbed him by the bowtie, yanking the stallion down. She pressed their foreheads together, an ugly scowl appearing on her face.

“What are your intentions with my daddy? Money? Fame?” Diamond Tiara accused. Flam blinked in surprise. How could such a little thing be so intense? He attempted to shuffle back, but her grip was firm. How could she be so strong?What was Filthy Rich feeding her?

“I-I just like him for who he is!” Flam defended. Diamond Tiara scoffed, rolling her eyes.

“Get real. No one just wants to get with him. He’s Filthy Rich, for Celestia’s sake!” Diamond Tiara exclaimed. “The richest pony in Ponyville.”

This filly was more perceptive than Flam had anticipated. But this wasn’t an obstacle for dear old Flam Scam. If he could charm an adult, he could most definitely charm a filly. All children had small, impressionable brains.

“Isn’t a filly like you too young to be worried about such trivial things? How about we get some candy to take our minds off it?” Flam suggested. Diamond Tiara scoffed.

“Oh, please. I’m the richest filly in Ponyville. If I wanted candy, I can get candy.”

What was Flam meant to bribe her with? Diamonds? He didn’t have diamonds! And even if he did, he doubted that this little warthog would take it.

“Ahem,” Randolph cleared his throat, catching the pair's attention.

“Your tea, Miss Tiara.” Randolph interrupted, hobbling into the room. Diamond Tiara finally released her hellish grip, plopping into her seat.

“Thank you, Randolph.” She beamed. Flam had to admit her acting skills were good. If she kept it up, she could be a better con artist than him one day!

Flam slowly sat down, rubbing underneath his tie. She pulled so hard that his neck was starting to bruise!

The elder carried the teapot to the pair, pouring each member a cup. He placed the tea kettle on the table, giving the pair a brief bow. As Randolph departed, he gave Flam another look of pity. It was much more harrowing this time around.

Flam turned his attention back to Diamond Tiara. She stared into her tea, the cup pressed firmly between her hooves. She leaned into her chair, taking a sip of her tea. She sighed wistfully, placing the cup back on the table.

“I get so fussy without my afternoon tea.” Diamond Tiara chuckled. “I came on too strong. Let’s start over.” She apologized, sticking her hoof out.

Flam hesitated. What if this was a trick? What if she grabbed his hoof and flung him across the room? Well, not that, but probably something worse. Against his better judgment, he took her hoof. She shook his hoof firmly, a content smile on her face.

“My name is Diamond Tiara. It’s very nice to meet you!”

“Flam Scam.”

Diamond Tiara arched a brow.

“Your last name is Scam?”

“Yes, yes. It’s a family name.” Flam hastily explained. Diamond Tiara hummed, pressing her hooves together.

“What exactly are your intentions with my father?” She questioned, tilting her head.

“I just think he’s a nice stallion.”

Diamond Tiara murmured, eyeing Flam.

“I think you’re lying to me.”

"And what do you say that?"

Diamond Tiara rolled her eyes.

"It's obvious. You're dressed like you're in a barbershop quartet, and you talk like you're on a radio show!" Diamond Tiara started. "If you're not lying, there has to be something wrong with you."

Flam huffed, putting his hoof to his chest. He thought his outfit and way of speaking was fine! If anything, this imp was the problem. His mind stewed with every insult in the book, but he held his tongue.

"There's nothing wrong with me." Flam defended, though it came out more as a low grumble.

“For all I know, you can be a stranger from the streets. You could teach me about drugs.” Diamond Tiara gasped, feigning fear. "I'm a child, I need a good role model. Not some washed-up street urchin." Flam rolled his eyes, crossing his arms.

“Oh, please. I can be a good role model.”

“Oh, yeah? Prove it.”

Flam furrowed his brows, wracking his brain for an idea. What did kids like? What did he like as a kid?

“I’ll teach you to pickpocket.”

Diamond Tiara arched a brow, leaning back into her seat.

“I’m listening.”

“Think about it. You’re already rich. If you can pick pockets, it’ll double-no, triple your profits.”
Diamond Tiara hummed, rubbing her chin. She squinted suspiciously at the unicorn.

“How do I know you’re not lying? For all I know, you can just be trying to get on my good side.”

How could he possibly prove that right now? There was no one to steal from! Unless…

Flam grumbled, reaching under his hat. What was the point of stealing if he didn’t get to keep his prize? This was for the great good, he had to remind himself. Reluctantly, he dangled the topaz necklace above the filly's eyes.

“I believe this belongs to you.”

Diamond Tiara looked Flam, her jaw slacked. She snapped her head to her jewelry back, then to the unicorn.

“How did you-?”

“A good pickpocketer never reveals their secrets,” Flam said smugly.

“You drive a hard bargain, mister.” Diamond Tiara huffed. Her pout turned into a mischievous grin. “I’m in.”

“Knock knock!” Filthy Rich announced, wrapping his hoof against the door. Flam scrunched his nose. What kind of loser says ‘knock knock’ out loud?

“Daddy!” Diamond Tiara cheered, leaping from her seat. She pranced to her father, nuzzling his forelegs.

“Did he do good?” Filthy asked. Diamond Tiara looked Flam up and down, her muzzle scrunched with concentration. Her eyes narrowed as she eyed the stallion.

For whatever reason, Flam felt a bit nervous. He had no reason to be; he knew he had played right into this filly’s heart.

“Yup, he’s all good!” She confirmed with a smile. Filthy Rich beamed, looking back to Flam excitedly.

“You hear that, Mr. Flam? You’re in the clear!”

Flam let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding.

“With my daughter's blessing, I’m happy to say you’re my boyfriend now.”

Though the circumstances were strange, he couldn't help but to feel overjoyed. He was being asked in a childs bedroom, for Celestia's sake. He let a smile creep to his lips.

"What an absolute pleasure."

Trojan Horse

Flam was a con artist, and part of being a con artist was being thorough with his plans. The stallion slunk into Barnyard Bargains, keeping his body low. As much as he loved toying with Filthy Rich, this wasn’t going fast enough. He needed to take matters into his own hooves.

Every business owner had a secret; Flam knew that for a fact. The real question was, where was Filthy Rich hiding it? Whatever it was, it couldn’t be at his house. Filthy wouldn’t have invited Flam over so eagerly. The next natural step was his business.

Flam scanned the aisles, looking for something, anything, that stood out. To his dismay, everything looked normal. But Flam knew better than to give up so easily.

There had to be something here for grabs. Filthy had to have something secret in his shop; all good business owners did. Sometimes it was obvious; sometimes it wasn’t. Flam just had to figure out what it was.

Flam’s eyes landed on an old dresser. It looked intricately carved from oak, most definitely by hoof. If Filthy Rich had any secrets, it was most definitely related to that dresser. It stood out like a sore hoof amongst the modern decor.

Flam rubbed his hooves across the side, inspecting it closely. The wood was smooth yet bumpy, leaving Flam with a tickling sensation. The unicorn pressed his face against the wall, squinting into the crack between the dresser.

“Nothing,” Flam grunted. His suspicions of a door behind the dresser were false. His gaze lowered to the bottom of the dresser. There was a gap between the floor and the bottom shelf. Something had to be there; Flam felt it in his bones.

Flam crouched down, shoving his head under a dresser. Maybe there was a secret hatch under it. He ran his hooves across the floor, feeling for a door or a top-secret file. Something had to be down there.

“Flam?” A familiar voice called.

“Filthy!” Flam shrieked, lurching upwards. His cranium slammed onto the shelf above, the contents spilling off. His legs splayed out under him, collapsing to the floor.

Flam scooted from under the shelf, ignoring his throbbing migraine. He popped up, a nervous smile plastered on his face. Filthy stared at Flam as if he had lost his mind.

“I wanted to surprise you at work, so I’m here.” Flam nervously chuckled, levitating the fallen items to the shelf. Filthy Rich cocked his head.

“...Under a dresser?” Filthy asked.

“I just thought this dresser looked so…interesting.”

Filthy Rich squinted at Flam, only for it to be quickly replaced with a smile.

“Oh, well, that’s my great-grandfather's dresser. He made it for-”

Flam quickly drowned out the blabbing businessman. He was lucky this guy loved talking about himself, or he’d be in some real trouble.

“Now, I know you didn’t come here to see me laze around.” Filthy Rich said, snapping Flam’s attention back to him. “Let me show you some real showmanship.”

Flam rolled his eyes. Filthy Rich might be charming, but Flam doubted he was that good. From what he had seen before, Filthy was nothing but a dimwitted airhead. While it was fun to watch, Flam highly doubted it would get him anywhere. Hell, Flam doubted that he would be able to sell water to a fish if his life depended on it!

“She looks like she needs help.” Filthy Rich said, pointing across the store. Flam’s eyes followed where he was pointing.

Diamond Tiara sat at the counter, pencil in mouth. Upon closer inspection, it looked like she was doing her homework. In front of the counter was an anxious-looking mare. She shuffled on her hooves, looking around the store.

“Excuse me, do you work here?” The red-maned mare asked. Diamond Tiara gave the mare a deadpanned look.

“Lady, I’m 10.”

“Watch this, dear.” Filthy whispered. Filthy Rich trotted to the mare, giving her an award-winning smile.

“Roseluck! To what do I owe the pleasure of seeing you here?”

“Oh, well, this is so embarrassing, but-” Roseluck started, “I have a date this Friday, and I really like this stallion. I’m trying to find something to make me stand out.” She admitted bashfully. “Something like…emerald?” She squeaked.

Filthy Rich hummed, rubbing his chin. He eyed Roseluck carefully.
“Emerald is nice, but you know what you really need? A ruby necklace!” He suggested.

“Ruby? I came here for emerald!” Roselucks huffed. “It matches my eyes.” She stated in a matter-of-fact tone.

“Yes, but it would really bring out your mane.”

Filthy popped open the jewelry case, pulling out a shimmering necklace. The chain was gold, practically glowing in the light. In the middle was a large ruby. Too large, in Flam’s opinion. If anyone wore that, it would look like they had a target painted on their chest.

“It wouldn’t hurt to give it a try.” He offered. Roseluck reluctantly took the necklace, draping it across her neck. She looked in the mirror, cautiously admiring the jewelry.

“Now, doesn’t that look dashing?” Filthy Rich complimented.

Flam had to disagree. The red blended in too much with her mane. And the gold chain nearly fused with her coat. Anyone with working eyes could see that. Roseluck frowned, caressing her cheek.

“I don’t know…”

Filthy Rich’s smile faltered a bit. His hind left hoof tapped on the floor. Two taps, pause, then three more. Flam squinted at the action. Was that a signal or just a nervous tick? Whatever it was, Diamond Tiara noticed.

She hopped from her seat, skipping to Roseluck. Diamond Tiara tugged at the mare's tail, giving the mare doe eyes.

“Gee, Miss, you’re absolutely beautiful.” Diamond Tiara gushed.

“Really?” Roseluck blushed. Diamond Tiara nodded, making her eyes bigger.

“Uh-huh! If my daddy was still single, I’d want you to be my new mommy. You’re just so pretty.”

Roseluck giggled, her cheeks burning red.

“Oh, well, aren’t you such a sweet thing!” She chortled. Roseluck looked back at the mirror, a goofy grin on her face.

She shifted the necklace around, checking the price tag. Roseluck’s eyes boggled out of her head, and she snatched the necklace off. Roseluck held it between her hooves as if it were the plague, her muzzle scrunched in terror.

“I would love to get this, but this is way out of my price range.”

Filthy Rich dismissively waved his hoof.

“There’s no need to worry about all of that.” Filthy reassured. He reached behind the counter, pulling out a stack of papers. It was so thick that Flam almost thought it was a novel. “If you sign this contract, you only have to make a few small, monthly payments.”

Roseluck squinted at the contract. She stifled a gasp, her legs nearly giving out from under her.

“250 bits a month for 17 years? Isn’t that a bit steep?”

“It may seem like much now, but think about the future. What would that stallion you mentioned think?”

Roseluck looked in the distance, presumably thinking about said stallion.

“It wouldn’t hurt to treat myself just this once.” She giggled.

“Wonderful! Bring this over to customer service. You’ll get help over there.” Filthy Rich explained, jutting the oversized control to Roseluck.

“Thank you for the help, Filthy Rich!” Roseluck squealed.

“It’s no problem. And please, just call me Mr. Rich.” Filthy Rich turned to Flam, a smug smile plastered on his face.

“And that’s how it’s done.”

Flam stared at Filthy Rich, his eyes wide. He scammed the pants off that mare! If Flam didn’t know any better, he’d think he were a professional con artist! The poise, the manipulation. It was just…perfect!

Filthy Rich turned his attention to his daughter.

“Little Miss Tiara, you were great, as usual.” Filthy Rich complimented. Diamond Tiara puffed up her chest in pride. “But you pushed it too far with the ‘mommy talk.’” He critiqued. “I have to cut your pay for that.”

Diamond Tiara let out a long-drawn, exasperated groan, throwing her head back.

“First, you want me to be cute, then you don’t. Pick a lane!” Diamond Tiara huffed, stomping away. Filthy Rich chuckled, shaking his head.

“Kids. You know how they are.”

Flam only hummed in response. How was he meant to respond when he just witnessed the perfect con?!

“You’re amazing.” was all Flam could utter. He pursed his lips. He didn’t mean to say that. To his surprise, Filthy only laughed.

“I know I am.” Filthy responded with an overconfident grin. “Now, if you excuse me, I have business to attend to.”

Filthy Rich pressed a wet kiss against his cheek, followed by a loud ‘mwwwwah!’ Though the kiss was dripping and unappealing, it gave Flam butterflies in his stomach.

“I’ll see you later, dear.” Filthy Rich happily sauntered away.

Flam shakily put his hoof to where Filthy kissed. His heart rattled in his chest, and his face flushed red. Oh no.

In My Head

Flam walked along the streets of Ponyville, his heart hammering in his chest. He couldn’t be actually falling for Filthy Rich. What type of con man would he be if he fell for everyone he used?

“These are just false feelings,” Flam said to no one in particular. Filthy Rich was an odd stallion; Flam wouldn’t want to get with someone like that. His mannerisms were weird, and he was too vague with how he spoke. Flam would never want someone like that.

And the way he talked? Ugh! It was like nails on a chalkboard. Well, maybe dull nails on a nice chalkboard. A very nice chalkboard, actually. Maybe one of the nicest chalkboards out there.

Flam shook the thoughts from his head. He needed to focus on something. Something like…like groceries! Flim had been begging him to do a little shopping every once in a while. It would at least get his mind off of things.

Flam walked through the grocery store, the inside air cooling his skin. This is what he needed! A nice, slow day. This was far better than being cooped up with Filthy Rich! The very handsome Filthy Rich.

The unicorn groaned, shaking his head. He shouldn’t be thinking about Filthy Rich this way. Filthy was his prey, and he was an apex predator! The predator didn’t fall in love with their prey; they attacked!

What Flam really needed to do was de-stress. He glanced around, making sure no wandering gaze was on him. Flam grabbed a few items off the shelf, shoving them down his shirt. He let out a sigh of relief. He couldn’t be expected to pay for everything; He’d be broke if he did!

Flam continued his shopping with a little pep in his step. A little thievery always lifted his spirits.

“What else do I-woah!” Flam gasped, his hoof slipping from under him. What was that? Flam looked down, looking for the item that had tripped him.

It was a can. Actually, it was a dozen cans! Flam’s stared at the mess.

Numerous cans were strewn about the floor, blocking the aisle. Next to the mess was a comically large sign, snapped in half. It looked like the sign had fallen and knocked over a shelf. Flam scoffed at the lack of foresight. What kind of store owner lets their store get messy?

If Filthy Rich was here, he would have set it up properly. Flam admired how he kept his store. Everything there was perfect, just as it should have been.

A gasp got stuck in Flam’s throat. He was thinking about Filthy again? His eyes darted around the store, looking for anything to distract his feeble mind.

Everything was starting to look like Filthy Rich. Every little detail in this Celestia-forsaken store was like him. The hum of the fluorescent lights was like the beautiful sound of Filthy’s voice. The tiled floor was the same color as his coat.

Flam was going mad. He needed to get out of here. He did a U-turn with his cart, hightailing his way to the checkout. The sooner he got out of here, the better.

Flam squeezed through the small store, quickly making his way to the checkout. His speedy departure skidded to a halt as he stopped behind an elderly pony. She moved at snails pace, steadily taking her groceries out of her cart and placing them on the conveyor belt. Flam impatiently tapped his hoof. If she went any slower, she’d probably win a record!

He annoyedly shuffled, his eyes darting around the grocery store. His eyes landed on a stand pushed away in a corner. It was run by a familiar mare. It was that scamable mare, Roseluck!

She still wore that gaudy necklace. Her stand was covered with various flowers, from lilacs to carnations. One in particular stood out to Flam. A blue bouquet.

The bouquet was a striking bavarian blue, resembling Filthy Rich’s eyes. The thought of them made Flam weak in the knees. Maybe he should buy them for him.

Flam’s eyes widened, his breath catching in his throat. He wanted to get someone something? And without getting something out of it? Flam has to be dying. These were the last thoughts of a delirious stallion; he just knew it.

His hoof flew up to his chest, checking his heart. Still beating, though it was a little faster than he’d like.

“Sir?” The cashier called, breaking him from his trance. “Are you going to pay?” She asked, gesturing to Flam’s already packed groceries. When did he get to the front of the line?

“Yes, yes, sorry.” He quickly apologized, pulling out a bag of bits. For a second, Flam considered giving this poor poor cashier a tip. By Celestia, he really was losing his mind!

With his groceries now in tow, he marched away from the cashier. He levitated the bags over his head, looking back at the flower stand. The blue bouquet called for him, like an item on sale.

Flam tore his eyes away from the stand with a huff. He pointed his snout to the air, stomping out the store. How could that terrible earth pony get into his head like that? Filthy was charming, but he wasn’t that charming.

The unicorn stomped out of the store and into the streets, a mixture of emotions bubbling in his chest. They threatened to spill over like a pot of water. He needed to put these feelings into something.

Flam inhaled deeply, looking at the vast blue sky.

“Curse you, Princess Celestia!” He bellowed, shaking his hoof to the sky. Celestia didn’t have anything to do with this, but would Flam do? Blame himself? Ha! Not a chance. Wait, should he be cursing Celestia? Cadence was the Princess of Love.

Flam continued his journey home, mumbling curses to any alicorn he could think of.

Flam entered his shabby apartment, kicking the door shut. He force of the kick rattled the thin walls. Flim lounged on the couch, looking up at the commotion.

“Look at you, finally, getting groceries.” Flim teased. “My baby brother is all grown up.”

“Shut it before I give you another black eye.” Flam hissed, retreating to their bunkbed. Flam flopped onto his bed, shoving his face into his pillow.

Flim looked to Flam, then to the groceries, then back to Flam.

“Are you not going to put them away?” He asked. Flam remained silent. “Well, I’m not doing it.” Flim shrugged, climbing to the top bunk.

What was wrong with Flam? He was a top-class conman being weakened by some guy!

Flam reached under his pillow, grabbing Filthy Rich’s pocket watch. He had stored it there for safekeeping.

He rolled to his back, holding the pocket watch above his eyes. The clock steadily ticked, each one sent a slight jolt through his hooves.

“Flim, do you ever get a knot in your stomach when you do something?” Flam asked, breaking the silence.

“Not once in my life.”

The mattress creaked from above him, and Flim peeked over the edge of the bed.

“Why? You’re not having second thoughts, are you?”

“…Well….” Flam squeaked. Flim groaned, throwing his head back.

“I knew this would happen! It hasn’t even been a week, and you’re helpless!”

“Hey, I am not helpless!”

“Lest I remind you of the incident?”

“Fancy Pants asked me out first!”

“Flam, you dated him for 3 years! You almost married him, and we didn’t get anything out of it!”

Flam scoffed, rolling his eyes.

“Yes, we did! We got a restraining order.” He stated.

“Flam, that is not a good thing!” Flim shrieked. “I should’ve just done this myself. I am the smart one, after all.”

Flam scoffed, rolling his eyes.

“You wouldn’t survive a single date.”

“Yes, I would!”

“Oh yeah? Imagine cuddling a pony.”

Flim shuddered.

“Flam, that’s disgusting.”

“And kissing.”

Flim retched, shoving his hooves over his mouth. His face burned red, but Flam couldn’t tell if it was from embarrassment or hanging upside down for the past 7 minutes. Maybe it was both.

“Alright, alright! Spare me the details.” Flim pleaded. He huffed, flopping onto his pillow. “You didn’t have to bring up such sensual details. Have some class, brother.” Flim shuddered.

Flam looked back at the pocket watch. It was beautiful, but left a heavy burden on his heart.

"We might as well call off the plan if your emotions are going to be in the way." Flim adviced. As much as Flam wanted to deny it, his dull headed was right. But he couldn't just lead Filthy Rich on. That would get them nowhere.

Flam pursed his lips. He had to be honest.

Just Sign Here

He just had to be…honest. Flam shuddered at the thought. Who was he, Applejack? He stood outside a shabby restaurant, shuffling on his hooves.

The unicorn reluctantly steeled his nerves, marching into the restaurant. He stopped in his tracks at the decor. This place was disgusting. Bugs scuttled across the poorly tiled floors. Flam held back a gag.

In all honestly, this location was perfect for the occasion. If Flam was going to break the stallion's heart, he might as well do it somewhere cheap. No one would notice Filthy Rich’s crying over the terrible decor.

Flam spotted Filthy, who sat at a table just as dirty as his name. He looked just as disgusted as Flam, his hooves hovering over the grotty table. Flam took in a deep breath, taking brave steps to his boyfriend.

“Greetings, Mr. Rich.” Flam greeted all too formally. Filthy Rich smiled, waving enthusiastically.

“Hello, Mr. Flam! It’s a pleasure seeing you again.” Filthy happily responded. Flam stared at Filthy, his heart pounding in his chest. It wasn’t too late to run away and pretend this never happened. Still, he reluctantly sat.

“Why did you want to meet up…here?” Filthy asked with a twinge of disgust. “Not that I’m judging your choices.”

“I have something rather important to tell you.”

“Oh, and what’s that?” Filthy asked. Flam looked to Filthy with guilt-ridden eyes. Just looking at him made Flam's heart hammer. He quickly averted his gaze to the table. Flam anxiously tapped his hooves on his seat.

“I’m a scam artist,” Flam jumbled his words together. Filthy Rich cocked a brow.

“What was that?” I didn’t hear you.”

“I’m a scam artist.” He mumbled once again.

“One more time?”

“I’m a scam artist!” Flam blurted. Filthy Rich shoved his hoof over the unicorn's mouth, his eyes darting across the restaurant.

“Don’t announce it to the whole world.” He scolded in a whisper. “If ponies knew I was with a scam artist, my reputation would be ruined.”

Flam’s brain short-circuited. Filthy Rich was taking this really well. A little too well.

“You…don’t care?”

“Flam, honey, If I cared, I wouldn’t have gone on that second date.”

Flam blinked in confusion, Second date? But that was last week! Did that mean-

“Wait, wait, wait. You knew the whole time?” Flam asked in disbelief. Filthy Rich rolled his eyes.

“How could I not? You tried to take over the Apple’s farm!” Filthy reminded. “Sure, I didn’t recognize you at first with the shabby lighting in the restaurant, but I connected the dots when I got home.”

Flam blinked, his jaw slacking.

“If you knew, then why didn’t you say anything!?” Flam asked, throwing his hooves in the air.

“I wanted to see your methods.” Filthy eyed Flam with a playful smirk. “I also wanted to make you squirm. You’re so easy to tease.”

Flam’s face burned red with embarrassment.

“I am not. In fact, I think I’m quite stoic.” Flam defended, crossing his arms. Filthy laughed, throwing his head back.

“Mr Flam, you are not subtle at all. You think I didn’t notice your little tricks? Please, I perfected them before you could even walk.”

“I’m a year older than you.”

“My point exactly. You think I didn’t notice your brother whispering to you in the park? He was so loud that I’m sure he could be heard across town!”

Was Flam really that transparent? He always assumed he hid himself well.

“And while we’re on the subject, I’d appreciate it if you’d return my pocket watch. It’s a family heirloom.” Filthy ordered. “Don’t think I didn’t notice you take it. Why do you think I’ve been wearing this?” He asked, jutting his hoof out to the watch on his arm. “This thing is ugly!"

Wordlessly, Flam reached into his pocket, pulling out the watch. Filthy Rich all too gratefully took it.

“If you knew, then I guess you knew about my plan.

“Of course I did. Why do you think I was giving you wine at the park? I was trying to get you drunk so you could confess. But you seem to have a higher tolerance than I accounted for.”

Flam’s eyes lit up in realization.

“Oh, and you fed me those scones as a form of torture!” Flam declared. Filthy frowned, clearing his throat.

“What? No, I genuinely tried with those. Were they that bad?” Filthy shook his head. “Nevermind. My point is that you aren’t subtle at all.”

“What if I leaked your secrets? I could’ve put your business under.”

“Oh, please. I am theFilthy Rich! Who would ponies believe; a known scam artist or the beloved Filthy Rich?”

Flam opened his mouth to respond, but nothing came out. Filthy made very good points. Filthy Rich tapped his chin, squinting.

“There’s just one thing I can seem to figure out. How did you know I would be at that restaurant?” Filthy asked. Flam shrugged.

“Your daughter posted about it on her blog.”

Filthy rolled his eyes. “Of course she did.”

Flam stared at Filthy, a woeful feeling in his chest. He had told Filthy everything. And if he had told him everything. what else was there to say?

“So, this is it?” Flam asked. “I mean, you don’t have any reason to be with me anymore. You have no secrets to get from me.”
“Mr. Flam, I’d be crazy to deny our chemistry.” Filthy Rich started. “You’re funny, and you’re smart. It would be crazy to let someone like you slip out between my hooves.” He reached under the table rummaging for something.

“Which is why I had something made up for us.” Filthy Rich pulled a contract, plopping it onto the table

“Where did you get that?”

“A good businessman is always prepared.” Filthy boasted. “If you sign this, you can’t try to take my business. It’s legally bound.”

Flam squinted, skimming through the contract.

“But…this only lasts a year. Wouldn't you want something life-long?” Flam pointed out. Filthy Rich nodded.

“If you don’t feel like being with me by that time, then it’s a risk I have to take for the business.”

Flam was touched. A stallion's business was personal, and he was willing to risk it all. It was so touching that he almost cried. Flam wiped his eyes, jutting out his hoof.

“Alright, give me a pen.”

"What kind? I have about a dozen." Filthy asked, pulling out a conveniently hidden pencil case. Flam grabbed a pen, all too happily signing the dotted line. Filthy Rich snatched up the contract, admiring Flam’s signature.

“Now that we’re officially officially dating, I can do this.” Filthy grabbed Flam by the collar, pressing his lips against Flams. Flam's heart pounded in his chest, and his legs turned to jelly.

They pair pulled away with a wet ‘pop’.

“Oh my!” Flam gasped.

“I’ve been waiting to do that!” Filthy cheered.

Filthy Rich wrapped his arm around Flam, pulling him close.

“Flam, we’ll be able to do great things together.” Filthy’s smile faltered a bit. “Now, let’s get out of this dump; it smells like poor ponies.”