My name is Edward Campbell. You probably have heard of me, even if you don't recognize my name, as the human who married your waifu, Twilight. Yeah, I'm that guy. I'm sorry to be that guy. I'm writing this, sort of to explain myself, so that hopefully I can get back in the good graces of the Brony community. I first met Twilight in 2013, just before Season 4 started airing. But in order to tell you that story, I need to tell you this story.
When I was a boy, I was diagnosed with autism. I'm a high-functioning autistic person, but the fact remains that I have it. As a result, I found it very difficult to relate with other human children. My only companions were the toons I watched on TV. Imagine my surprise when I found out that one of the Eds from Ed, Edd n' Eddy was my next door neighbor. And since my name was also a variation of Ed, he invited me to hang out with him and the other two Eds after school, and when they're not in the middle of shooting an episode at Danny Annouci's studio. They had at one time invited me to the studio, and I had a great time, as I got to visit the cul-de-sac, meet the other toon actors on the show, and even got to watch an advance screening of "Ed, Edd n' Eddy's Boo-Ha-Ha", which was their upcoming Halloween special.
In high school it was the same deal. I just couldn't bring myself to date a human girl. But, there was one girl who was a giraffe named Ingrid, from some show called My Gym Partner's a Monkey, who just I liked for her off-screen personality, and I ended up being labeled a furry by my peers. I didn't even know what a furry was, until I Googled it (which I instantly regretted doing). I remember, me and her were once on a dinner date, and some guy from a few tables over yelled out, "Hey! Check out those freaks in love!" Needless to say, that was the last dinner date we had at that restaurant. For God's sake, I never even saw her naked (although there probably wouldn't be anything visible even if I had), let alone fucked her! This relationship didn't last longer than a year, though, as I started dating her in my Sophomore year, and she was already a Senior. That was the reason why we never did it. She was 18, and I was still a minor. Once she graduated, I never saw her again. And although I had never had another high school girlfriend, I had ever since then been labeled a furry by my peers.
I'm glossing over a lot of my past history, but those are the basic points you really need to know before I tell the story I set out to tell.
In 2013, I graduated from high school, and was accepted into LaSalle College in Vancouver, Canada. I had no idea that Twilight Sparkle, actress from My Little Pony, was a student there, and even if I had known, I wouldn't have any idea that I would ever fall in love with a toon from My Little Pony of all things. I had never watched My Little Pony, because it didn't interest me at the time. It certainly interested me after I'd met her, but oddly enough, the fact that I was not a fan actually got her to warm up to me easier than she would have if I had been a fan.
Here is how I met the toon who would become my wife:
It just so happens that we were both attending one of the same classes together: Ancient History. I saw a toon sitting by herself in the lecture hall 30 minutes before the class began, and I KNEW I had to introduce myself to her. I walked down the row she was sitting in, and came up to her. I said to her, "Do you mind if I sit with you?"
She responded: "That depends. Are you one of those Bronies, who attend this college, who want my autograph, a selfie, or maybe a date?"
I was stunned for a moment. "What's a Brony?" I asked.
"That response says it all. Go ahead and sit down."
"Thank you," I said, and sat down. After a moment I asked her, "Hey, what did you mean by that question, if you don't mind me asking?"
She looked up from her book, and said, "Oh, Bronies are adult men who are fans of My Little Pony, the TV cartoon I star in. And, well..." She paused, before continuing. "A good chunk of them really want to fuck me for some reason. And the others won't leave me alone, either. So, I'm hiding out here to get some peace and quiet before class starts."
"Well, you can rest assured that, even though I would like to be your friend, it's not because I watch your show. It's actually because I relate to toons more than I do my own kind. Although, if we do become friends, I might watch the show at some point just to support my friend in what she does. I'm not sure I'd actually like the show though. I once dated a toon in high school, and so I watched the show she was in, and I hated it, but I didn't hate her, if you get what I mean."
"Yeah, I get it. Just because us toons are created with the sole purpose of acting out a role in a cartoon, doesn't mean we have the exact same personality as the role we portray. Take my co-star, Fluttershy, for instance. She was created to portray a kind, timid pegasus who is afraid of her own shadow, but in real life, she's a dark, brooding, goth girl who loves all things horror. I suppose your toon girlfriend in high school was a similar case."
"Indeed. The characters in the show she starred in were cringe as hell, but her real life personality wasn't. My name is Edward Campbell. What's yours?"
"Twilight Sparkle."
I held out my right hand. "Nice to meet you, Twilight. I hope we can be friends."
Twilight held out front right hoof, and I wrapped my fingers around it, and we shook. "Nice to meet you, too, Edward. You've made a good first impression on me, better than some other college students around here who have tried to befriend me."
"By the way, what book is that, you're reading?" I asked.
She put her bookmark in her place, and flipped it so the front cover was facing up. It was The Complete Tales and Poems of Edgar Allan Poe. "Fluttershy, who I told you about, kept raving about this guy, and how great a writer he was. Being an avid reader myself, I had to check him out."
"Then you're a lot like me. I'm an avid reader, too. I want to someday be an author. Ever heard of H.P. Lovecraft?"
"Um, no I haven't."
"That's a shame. He's a great writer of horror stories, who was heavily inspired by Poe. Had a very similar dark and brooding demeanor, too. Although his tales of supernatural horror, instead of focusing on man's struggle between heaven and hell, instead focused on the idea of the Other Gods that existed long before man ever existed, and will exist long after man is gone. And to these gods, mankind is insignificant in the vast size of an infinite universe."
"Wow. Maybe I should introduce Fluttershy to that guy's work. Sounds right up her alley."
"By the way, I notice you're not wearing clothes. I mean, I know you're a animal toon, so nothing really shows, but usually toons wear clothes too when not on set."
"Yeah, well, I figured that people already see me naked on TV all the time, and since my body is in PG-rated mode, I wouldn't have to."
"Your body has different modes for nudity?"
"You've been around toons all your life and you're just now finding this out?"
"Well, um... Me and my toon girlfriend in high school never really did anything, you know, so I never found out about it, you know."
She sighed, and began to tell me that all toons tend to have different modes to their anatomy depending on what environment they are currently in. If they are a cartoon for little kids, they are usually in G-rated mode while onscreen. If they are a cartoon for slightly older kids, they are in PG-rated mode on screen. If they are a cartoon for teens, they are in PG-13-rated mode on screen. If they are a cartoon for adults, then they're typically in R-rated mode. "Even though I'm from a G-rated cartoon, me and my fellow cast members are actually in PG-rated mode, but don't tell anyone. It's a secret."
"What is the difference between modes?" I asked.
"In PG mode, I have a butt crack. In G mode, I don't. In PG-13 mode, I have boobs without any nipples (and when it comes to male toons, they have a bulge in that mode). And in R-rated mode, and have nipples and genitalia. Us toons are allowed to be naked in public, as long as we're not in R-rated mode."
"If I didn't want to be a toon myself beforehand, I REALLY want to be one now. Too bad there is no means for that to happen."
"So, you're a toony?"
I hesitated. "Yeah, I am." A toony, if you didn't know, is a human who is obsessed with toons to the point of having a toon OC, drawing toon art, fanfics, and generally idolizing toons.
"Do you have a toonsona?"
"Yeah. But I'm a terrible artist, so I can't show him off. He's a fox whose gf is a lioness."
"Oh, nice. So basically a small dog and a big cat. Yeah, that's gonna work out well."
Thanks for that, Twilight, I thought.
Then the other classmates started coming into the lecture hall where our class was going to take place in, our conversation soon ended when a bunch of Bronies came up to twilight demanding selfies, wanting autographs, asking her out, etc. One of them yelled at me for refusing to get up from my seat so he could sit next to her, and just before I could respond, I heard Twilight yell out, "EEEK! Someone just touched my butt!"
Luckily, the teacher arrived at the lecture hall before things got too out of hand (or hoof in Twilight's case). In the middle of the lecture, I found a note that happened to appear on my desk which read had a phone number, underneath which read
Call me
- Twi
with the tittle above the lowercase "i" turned into a heart. I quickly snuck that note into my pocket before any of the Bronies nearby saw it and snatched it from me. At this moment I knew she had just accepted my friend request.