Mirror: Book I - Mind

The bright, silvery white banner floated in the air, ascending to the second level of the interior of Town Hall. Starlight stationed it midair and waited to fasten it to the high balcony as her partner beside her motioned with a dusty brown hoof this way and that.

“A little more to the left.” She pleaded. “That’s it, perfect.” Satisfied, the old mare took a step or two back to admire her navigational and decoration correcting skills, turning a curt nod to the lilac unicorn beside her. “It’s always quite useful having a unicorn around.”

“It’s my pleasure, miss Mayor.” Starlight said automatically, ignoring the old mare’s deriding choice of words.

“Princess Twilight left me nearly inoperable with her absence, but you seem to pull through quite alright, young pony.”

“The Princess has been a little knotted up as of late, I didn’t want to interrupt her slumber-I mean, her work ethic.” Starlight smiled innocently.

“And I’ll take a dozen shots of scotch into the wee hours of the morning and still be up before the cock crows.” The Mayor chortled. “But come, the banners are set and we’ve nothing more to see to in here.”

The unicorn lent a final glance to the banner she had hung upon the wooden railing. The sleek, silky white and silver floral patterns were caught glimmering in the open window’s cast of sunshine, the ornate design giving off that of a foreign vibe but one which still sported the Equestrian interpretation of outsider customs. Starlight had been informed that a one miss Rarity of the Carousel Boutique here in Ponyville was tuckered enough from crafting all the banners that not even her unicorn finesse would prove useful any longer.

She thought longingly of her friends and their ability to contribute to the community, her own eagerness crying for a chance to show them what she was made of. Alas, Ponyville was reaching backwards to its former roots, neglecting the vast possibilities of unicorn magic in turn for their earth pony tradition. Starlight herself was in no place to argue, the village was raised by earth ponies and it had been that way for nearly a good century and a half, and they weren’t about to let even the simplest powers of the unicorns take over their crop. Starlight felt that she herself knew this most of all. Agricultural transport was one thing, and when it came to it most farmers opted for unicorn managed services, to nopony’s surprise. Growing crops however? It was an art form, a lifestyle, it was the earth ponies’ way of magic, and that could even be scientifically proven.

Not that a good deal of Ponyville’s farmers cared much for the sciences anyways, but some knew that when it came to quality, only the best of the best could be harvested through trials of patience, hard work, and love. They were adamant on that last part regardless of how vomit inducing the term sounded, a good farmer was good to his crop. If a scientist called their farming skills magic then they were already on equal ground with the mushy talk. Needless to say the disgust they expressed when they gained word of their farmer brethren outside of Ponyville allowing unicorns to oversee their operation nearly broke out into a full on riot, pitchforks and all.

Sweet Apple Acres had been there once and would never go back again, though whispers still linger. Just what was the secret to their success? An entire orchard grown in a single night, thus giving Ponyville the very backbone to work off of to become a successful point of civilization in the first place. It was as if the leprechaun version of Trotty Appleseed had pranced through one night to bless the Apple family with his seed. It was the way most of the school boys told the story, immaturity intended.

The true secret to the Apples’ success, as some ponies knew, was the undeniably sweet nectar and mana of the Everfree forest, zap apple jam. The Apples in question were trailing their way up the path to the plaza at this very moment, the big brother of the bunch hauling a wagon full of barrels while his sister towed at his side. The big, red, hay-haired brother came to a halt and nibbled on the wheat hanging out of his mouth, greeting his grandmother with a simple nod, whereas she stood at their designated "zap apple" vendor. The sister rounded to the back of the wagon and unhinged the gate to haul off a barrel of the stuff, coming back around and dropping the barrel bottom into the red-brown dust at their hooves.

She lifted her most prized possession, a sandy brown setson laying atop her golden mane and wiped the sweat off her orange furred brow. She glanced up for a moment and beheld the gathered ponies bustling about in the plaza, her green eyes locking onto one pony in particular. She glanced back down and rounded to get another barrel, there was work yet to be done.

Three little ponies trotted down the lot leading to the plaza, giggling amongst each other as they nudged one another’s shoulders and took to gawk at the ornate sights surrounding the ongoing festival. Ponies swung around and laughed with each other in a mixture between square dancing and ballroom swaying, they frolicked to the vendors selling cakes and pastries and the concession leading a rather disheveled line into Rich’s Barnyard Bargains, currently hosting the blatantly advertised “now that’s a bargain” sale-athon. The little, yellow pony with a bright, pink bow in her hair beckoned to her two others friends, and the three prepared to indulge to their heart’s content.

“Apple Bloom.” A stern voice interrupted.

The little yellow pony turned to her name, looking up at the sister stacking barrels. “Applejack?” The little pony knew what was coming. “It’s my day off!”

“That don’t mean ya’ go and ignore what I tell you.” Applejack, the elder sister approached her younger. “Today here’s important for us n’ the town too, so go on and tell your friends goodbye, we need ya’ over here.”

Apple Bloom maintained her image in front of her friends and waved her good byes, sighing indignantly as soon as she was sure they were out of sight. “I thought ya’ didn’t want me sellin’ apples no more?” She argued.

“That was before ya’ got your cutie mark, but now since that flank ain’t blank-” Applejack threw an apron over her sister’s head. “I’m gonna put it to work.”

“Never should’a gotten my mark this early.” The younger grumbled.

“Now don’t you go regrettin’ your mark after all you went through to earn it.” Applejack fitted the apron on to her sister. “That there is a symbol of your family and stewardship, it’s what makes ya’ who you are.”

“I’ve had my cutie mark for three years now, y’think I don’t know that?”

“And I’ve had mine ever since you were a wee little baby apple and I still forget that from time to time.”

“Are you two done gabberin’ over there? Come give yer’ granny a hoof.”

Applejack was the first to react but Apple Bloom got over there quicker, if only to avoid a millennium-long lecture from her elder sister. Granny Smith, the matriarch of the Apple family sought after the business endeavors of the orchard, and had been doing so ever since her father had met his time. Some might say she had long left her best years behind, that her episodes of impulse and confusion were tell tale signs of a few loose screws. Little did they know it was a deep sense of pride and a special kind of drive that kept the green old apple going, her kin still as confident as ever in her ability to lead their apple picking business where it was needed most, and that’s all that mattered to her in this world. Family, apples, and love, so her motto said, though most of the time she’d forget the order it went in.

Starlight Glimmer calmly walked out onto the developing scene, scanning the sights carefully and making sure everything was going just as planned, or at least in such a way that a certain, mayor of a mare wouldn’t come throwing a fit. A checklist in her levitation and a watch floating by her side, Starlight kept track of all the little details as she all but gave the ponies a small greeting, and trotted onward.

“Banners? Check.” She noted. “Music? Check. Food and vendors? Check.”

“One, loyal, draconic assistant?” A little voice sounded from below.

Starlight came to a stop, looking about before finally peering down, finding her companion in question nudging her side with a knowing grin.

“Check~” The unicorn chortled on. “How’re the rest of the decorations coming along?”

“As planned!” Spike triumphed. “Or at least I hope they’re going the way that Twilight wanted them to.”

“How come she didn’t come along with you?” Starlight asked.

“Ah, well…you see, she um…” The dragon hesitated.

“Say no more, I already know what it’s all about.”

“You do? Oh, thank goodness.” Spike lifted a tub of jewels up to his jaws. “I thought I was going to have to explain where the excess gems for the decorations went.” And hoisted the lid over his open mouth, gobbling the pail of crystals down in a matter of seconds.

Starlight delivered a roll of her eyes and let another chuckle go, peeking carefully back down at her list as she trotted along. “What’s this now, weather conditions?”

“Rainbow Dash must be clearing the clouds for us today.” Spike noted.

“I suppose so, but…” The unicorn returned her sights to the skies. “I don’t see any-”

With a sudden gust of wind like a roaring, zipping bullet, Starlight’s mane was thrown over the front of her face as she stiffened and nearly wobbled off balance. Spike was already face first into the dirt, and the trail of wind soared ahead as the pony brushed her lavender mane aside, eyeing their assailant with varying amounts of displeasure.

“Whoops!” Rainbow Dash, the designated weather pony called back to them. “Sorry ‘bout that, Starlight, just gettin’ the last of these bad boys rounded up!”

Starlight would have called back with a note of caution and regard to the pegasus’ cloud busting job, had an explosion of party confetti not clouded her words and covered the front of her form from head to hoof. Half of her appeared as a living pinãta, and the other a twitching, angry tail. Spike had learned by now to keep his distance.

“Watch where ya’ step, Glimglam~!” A particular party pony called from behind her confetti cannon. “Here be the testing area! Testing commences…in this area!”

“Thanks for the tip, Pinkie…” Starlight glowered back.

“Pinkie Pie, need we lecture you on properly preserving your ammunition?” Another pony joined in. She flared her levitation and proceeded to pick the pieces of confetti from Starlight’s front half. “So sorry about that, darling, all of us are trying our best here. We promise.”

“That’s alright, Rarity.” Starlight returned. “At least you’re actually trying to help out here.”

“Would it be of any help if I were to tell you you’re stepping in the pies for the pie eating contest?” Rarity informed her.

Starlight’s eyes went wide as a swish and slosh encompassed her hooves and she looked down to find that the other unicorn’s words were indeed true. She wasn’t even going to try and give any further protests at this point, for a grizzly bear had been running loose in the scene behind her, on account of attempting to get first in line for the pie eating contest. Fluttershy, the small yellow pegasus of the group, promised she would get the bear under control as soon as possible. Starlight could only wish that soon meant traveling back in time, regardless of such possibilities.

“How did Twilight survive ten years of this…?” Starlight asked nopony in particular.

As Apple Bloom helped speed the process of filling jar after jar with zap apple jam and passing it to her grandmother’s display, the big red brother of the bunch worked a spigot into one of the barrels. Applejack came around to make sure their new product experiment for this year was going underway smoothly. “Y’sure this is the zap apple juice barrel, Big Macintosh?”

“Eee-yup.” Macintosh quoted.

“Y’made sure the barrel had a juice box and not a jar on it?”

“Eee-yup.”

“And ya’ checked for leaks?”

Mac grumbled. “Eee-yup.”

“Is the sky red and your coat blue?”

“Eee-nope.” He shook his head.

“Alrighty then.” Applejack nudged her brother. “Just keepin’ ya’ on your toes.” And she chuckled to turn away and back to her work, only to find herself encapsulated in a spell of a stare, some manner of a thousand yard stare she wasn’t all that familiar with and hadn’t been for most of her life.

That nagging thought in the back of everypony’s head, that strange calling from life and the mysterious forces from afar, the realization of the world surrounding them and what exactly they were doing with their life, what was the point of everything, what was the purpose of life?

No, perhaps it was just because her green eyes were locked onto one pony in particular. As extensive as the Apple family tree was, the Rich family had its fair share of relatives to boot. A distant cousin of theirs, Davenport, had caught Applejack’s eye a week or two ago and ever since she couldn’t get the darn stallion off her mind no matter how hard she tried. Every glance she took at him was a heart beat she missed out on, and though she had been particularly careful with these “feelings” of hers it was only a matter of time before some ponies caught on.

“Keepin’ on your toes, sis?” Apple Bloom teased.

“Wuh-huh?”

“Ha, caught ya’!” The sibling jumped. “Granny! Granny! Applejack’s makin’ googly eyes at the sofa dealer again.”

“Was not!” Applejack protested. “I-I mean, I never was in the first place.”

“Jackie n’ the sofa dealer sittin’ in a tree, K-I-”

“-L-L-I-N-G.” Applejack shoved her hat over her sister’s face. “And that’s if ya’ go n’ call me ‘Jackie” ever again.” The farm mare warned.

“Now don’t go gettin’ yer’ britches in a bunch, Jack.” Granny interjected. “Why I remember the time when I met your grandfather, it was at the Grand Gallopin’ Gala.”

Applejack groaned at the thought of Granny telling another one of her stories especially here and now, but Apple Bloom was more than happy to watch the salt dig its way into her sister’s wound. Big Mac on the other hoof kept his focus on his work, but his ear aimed strictly in the direction of Granny’s voice said he was more than happy to sit and listen to stories like a grandchild beholding his elder in a rocking chair.

“I was just like you, Jack.” Granny continued. “I’d lay on my rump all night waitin’ for some handsome devil to come my way, that wasn’t til’ I realized if ya’ want your prize then you gotta catch ‘im. I went outta’ my way to show them fancy folk the way a country mare moves her caboose, ain’t nothin’ wrong with showin’ yer colt the thicker parts of yer hide. Only the dumb ones’ll go fer the pretty ones.”

“Darn tootin’!” Apple Bloom hicked. She shoved her sister’s setson back over her head, blinding the mare for a spell. “What’re y’all waitin’ for, Jack? He ain’t gonna stand there all day.”

A pair of tiny hooves kicked at Applejack’s rear and pushed her forward into the crowd of ponies and over an overturned barrel, causing her to trip and fall with a thundering boom. Her setson fell forward onto the ground, and as she looked up she noticed herself to be mere feet away from the Barnyard Bargains vendor, and only mere inches from the sofa dealer’s face, the very stallion that had caught her eye. Applejack blinked, blushed furiously, and attempted to hide her face beneath her hat only to remember it was no longer atop her head. Her bright golden mane was out for the world to see, and the sofa dealer himself was caught off guard by its beauty if only for a second. He cleared his throat, fixed his vest and bent down to pick up the farm mare’s hat.

“You alright, miss?” He offered the setson. “You dropped this.”

Applejack looked away, quickly took her hat, and looked away again as she fixed the setson over her ears and muttered mixtures of gratitude and apologies. Realizing she was too flustered to get a single coherent word out to the stallion, Applejack inverted her frustrations to her natural born instincts and aimed a vengeful glare at her younger sister. The sofa dealer was left in the dust, perplexed and mortified by the sudden shift of the “sweet” orange mare’s behavior. After a lap or two around the plaza, elder sibling chasing the younger, Applejack’s chest collided with another pony’s face, this one stopping her dead in her tracks.

“Mayor Mare!” Applejack gasped, fixing her hat yet again. “Might I apologize?”

“If you would be so kind.” The Mayor grumbled. “Is this any sort of way to prepare?”

“Of course-ah mean-not at all, I mean-!” Applejack kicked the dirt with her hoof. “Trust me on this one Miss Mayor, we’re workin’ mighty hard, was just a minor inconvenience. Won’t happen again.”

“Chin up, mare. You are Ponyville’s prized champion, you’ve an image to maintain.” The old mare fixed her glasses, balancing them to the tip of her muzzle. “Now, I realize the Apples have done a great deal for this town, both in the past and even in the long run. Let’s not let sibling quarrels harm that reputation especially in the light of our esteemed visitor. A foreigner’s welcome is an honorable duty.”

Applejack nodded once more, fixing her setson once again as it seemed to becoming a habit of hers. The little sister peeked around her orange hooves with an innocent gaze.

“Sorry, Miss Mayor Mare Ma’am.” The filly twinkled her lashes. “I’ll try to keep her under control next time.”

“Why if it isn’t little miss Bloom? That chiseled mark of yours must’ve made you grow twice your height since I last saw you.”

“You’re too kind, Miss Mayor.”

“I know, darling.” Mayor Mare patted the filly’s head and turned to the plaza square to assess the progress of the ponies. Meanwhile, Starlight ceased her duteous act for the Mayor to adhere to the growing frown on her farm friend’s face.

“Don’t mind her, she’s just putting on a face for the crowd.” Starlight meant the Mayor.

“I’ve lived here longer, Star.” Applejack replied. “I’d know that more than anypony.”

“I know, us unicorn folk aren’t up to speed in a town of mostly earth ponies,” the unicorn returned with a sigh. “And, probably never will be.”

“Landsakes, girl, ya’ make it sound like we’re at odds with each other!” Applejack shook.

“That’s no way to party, Star!” Pinkie Pie burst from in between the two. “Just ‘cause you’re not fitting in doesn’t mean you gotta squeeze your way out. We know you can do your best, and sometimes, that’s all there is to it.”

“Thanks, Pinkie, but I think I’ll just get by for now.” Starlight sufficed.

“If I might inquire, it seems a tad odd you’ve been attached to the Mayor all this morning.” Rarity noted. “Has there been an exchange in roles?”

“Exchange?” Starlight’s eyes dotted about. “I-erm…I’m not sure what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t tell me she sent you to do all the flank kissing yourself!” Rainbow Dash called down to the group. “Seems like her royal highness has been getting lazier and lazier with every trip to the Hayburger!” And the pegasus cackled from above.

“Now, Rainbow Dash, that’s not very nice.” Intruded a stern yet soft voice.

“I-I, er…” The rainbow pegasus lowered. “Yeah, I suppose…”

“You know that Twilight has been going through a lot of stress lately, especially considering how important these events are to her.” Fluttershy hovered down to the ground to meet the others. “I just wish she would have had the time to evaluate the opening song I put together.”

“Don’t worry, Fluttershy.” Starlight sought. “I can help you out with that.”

“Really? You will?” The pegasus smiled back.

“Absolutely.” The unicorn nodded confidently. “It’s just like you girls said, Twilight has been more than busy as of late, so this switching of roles seems to have somewhat of a purpose after all. I think it’s about time that I stepped up and took her place. Er-! I mean…not exactly take her place as the Princess of Friendship, but…” Starlight hesitantly rubbed a hoof over her shoulder. “What I meant was, maybe I could be a helper of some sort? A Friendship helper?”

“Say no more, darlin’.” Applejack settled her down. “We all know what this is about now.”

“Y-you do?”

“Honest to betsy we’re mighty proud of ya’ for it. This Royal Equerry business ain’t no laughin’ matter, and I know it may not seem like it but we’re rootin’ for ya’.”

“Uh-huh!” Rainbow cheered.

“Go get ‘em, girl!” Pinkie hopped.

“They grow up so fast.” Rarity wiped a tear.

“Um, what everypony else said.” Fluttershy squeaked innocently.

As the cogs and gears worked in the unicorn’s mind, Starlight’s eyes burst open as she released a spasm of nervous giggles. “O-Oh, right! Of course, the Equerry.” She masked her fidgets with laughter. “How could I have forgotten? Wow, I don’t know what I’d do without you girls.”

Plaza preparations were coming to a satisfactory wrap in the eyes of Mayor Mare as she commanded her stylizing decisions this way and that, much to the annoyance of the pegasi who had worked so very hard to hang up lanterns for two seconds, and to the unicorns hanging up banners for half that time. Community driven favors seemed scarcer around the late year and heaven forbid the Mayor would have to force herself to pull from the treasury to convince a few workers, but of course she’d kiss the sweet, gold coins goodbye first. Climbing up to the top floor of Town Hall with her flank follower in tow, Mayor Mare sighed and slumped to her deep crimson “big-wig” chair at her office desk, taking a final glance outside towards the plaza construction and returning to clear the Mcduck coin vault blue-print off her desk so she wouldn’t use it as a coaster like last time.

“I need a vacation.” The Mayor muttered.

Starlight was silent.

“Now.” She emphasized.

“The ambassador will be arriving within an hour.” Starlight looked at her imaginary pocket watch.

“So you’ve done your homework, you’re already twice as much competent as half the staff in this building.”

Competent. Starlight liked that word, perhaps not so much as in context of herself, but the idea of competence in and of itself was an enticing endeavor.

The Mayor groaned. “No, I don’t need a vacation, I need...”

“Time?”

“Correct, rye.” The old mare opened the bottom right drawer of her desk, slipped out the aforementioned ale and provided a shot glass. She offered to the unicorn, who shook her head and mouthed a “nah.” Using the tax return forms as a coaster she poured and supported herself with a healthy dose before bearing the sight beyond the tall window, looking out upon the plaza. She groaned again when she returned to her paperwork. “Garden raids, garden raids, garden raids...don’t these ponies have anything else to complain about?” Looking to the unicorn with a curious squint. “Tell me, Glimmer, how would you have dealt with such nuisances in your town?”

“My town?” The nervous chuckle returned. “Why, that would be quite an honor.”

“You need not act so subtle, Princess Twilight has informed me plenty.”

“She has?” Starlight gulped. She snitched?

“Your township experience is what brought you on board in the first place.” The Mayor informed. “Do not think your acceptance was one of those ‘no hard feelings’ scenarios.”

“So, negotiations were made behind closed doors? Your town, your rules.” Starlight followed up. “But I trust my name was spoken in full behind said doors, many times, so we might as well pretend I was there.”

The Mayor grinned, she knew she was beginning to pry into Starlight’s deeper colors, scratching the surface of the true pony hidden within the little, lilac unicorn. The Mayor believed that this true pony was a potentially useful pony, one who knew both her friends and enemies alike, so much so that they might even serve as her pawns in a game of chess. All one needed was to reach the end of the board and they had that potential, to become anything they desired in the game, and that game was the competition of the fittest. Not of strength, but of the mind.

In the meantime it was starting to make a little sense to Starlight now, the talk of competence, the nonchalant drinking in the presence of others. It showed a degree of trust, but the musk of hesitation remained in the air. It was always in the air. Starlight knew more than most that all it took was a little push for someone to show their true colors.

“The details concerning you being the Princess of Friendship’s student is nothing foreign to me. We are dignitaries living in the same village after all, it’s non-stop communication between one and the other.” The Mayor attempted to divert. “Which is why, you being her pupil, I’m prepared to make you an offer.”

“Will this be behind closed doors as well?”

“If you would be so kind.”

Starlight did not waver her focus on the Mayor as she lit her horn to life and caught the knobs of the double doors behind her and closed them with a reverberating click. The unicorn was left staring at the Mayor, and she worked another supply of rye into her glass, took the swig, and returned to the mare across the desk.

“The business of the Royal Equerry is no laughing matter indeed, only a fool would offer a fool the position, and we both know that the final say comes down to Princess Twilight. Surely you understand that I’m not prepared to let such a fine opportunity go to waste?”

“Neither would Caerus.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“It’s common mythology.” Starlight informed. “Caerus was a pony known for wearing her saddle without a cinch, an allegory of embracing fleeting opportunities. There’s a statue out front.”

“The fountain statue? Yes, I’d forgotten its origin.” She prepared to pour herself another helping. “In any case I don’t need you so adamant on forgotten fairy tales for this job. I ask you then, are you willing to take this offer?”

“Let’s hear the terms.” Starlight waited.

“I will write an official letter of recommendation to the Princess on the condition that we pretend you weren’t behind those closed doors with us when negotiations were made.”

Immediately Starlight knew what the Mayor spoke of and she also knew what it meant. All the old mare wanted was for a pony of equal or higher power to be at her beck and call, far more flexible opportunities for connections and money than what she had now. Though these terms might seem simple in the beginning it was only a matter of time before changes to the rule book would catch up to her. One might learn that once their leash was cut, the fence only stretched so far. The unicorn would get her Equerry spot, but at the cost of information, at the cost of knowledge. Was the risk worth it?

“I’ll give you this answer:” Starlight began. “Go ahead and write that letter but hold it until I’ve had enough time to think about my decision.”

“That decision won’t be made behind closed doors next time around.” The Mayor warned. “Let us not forget your speech on fleeting opportunities.” And so she downed her third shot, smacked her lips and whipped her head to shake the daze. She would have more later tonight anyways. “By the by, Glimmer, what exactly did you accomplish in this little town of yours?”

There seemed to be a long spell of hesitation from the mare, her gaze turning east to the tall window, the plaza and its many ponies outside. The memories of her little village far in the desert those few years ago strolled by like a fleeting opportunity. The question was, would she ever truly return?

“Let’s say that’ll be a story for next time around.” The unicorn decided.

“You’re smart for not taking the rye.” The old mare chortled. Her giggling fit slowly transformed into a fit of hacking and coughing, and soon the old hag was bent over her desk expelling her lung deficiencies over a copy of yet another nuisance, this one in the form of a young foreigner’s application form. Mayor Mare cleared her throat, rubbed her temples and fixed her glasses back onto her muzzle to asses the paper work.

The lad was a young unicorn from over seas, curved horn and everything, even his mane was done up in a silly bun as the photo showed. Yet another applicant, yet another spawn of useless endeavor. What made matters worse was the audience mandate at the bottom of the paper. He would be arriving at the train station just around the time the ambassador would be making his own entrance. “Can’t these foreigners keep to themselves? One is enough already.” The Mayor allowed herself another frustrated sigh.

“Might I assist?” Starlight offered.

“No, I can’t send you even if I wanted to.” She looked around frustratingly. “The vacancy of this building is as soothing as it is frustrating. Wherever did my right hoof stallion go? My courier? What I need for a task this simple is somepony...simple. Somepony..." The Mayor threw her head back and sighed. "Somepony I could just whisk out into town to run some errands!"

A knock was heard at the door, and after a pause a lavender little unicorn head poked its way through, bright purple eyes staring at the two inside.

"Hello?" The lavender unicorn called. "Pardon the intrusion, miss Mayor. My name is Amethyst Star. I was scheduled for an interview-”

"You're hired."