A Most Uneventful Story (Yeah Right!)

by Dreadnought

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Random, Adventure, Main 7 (EqG), Original Character, Equestria Girls
Length: 1416

a DAM fine story!

The Equestrian Girls make a political statement.

Entry into Everfree Northwest's Iron Author writing competition.

Published 2024-09-04 14:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2024-09-04 14:00:00 UTC

Story

“What do you mean we can’t go on!” demanded Applejack.

The state trooper stared back at the teen girl behind the wheel of the van. “The Governor is holding a groundbreaking event for the new hydroelectric dam,” he said.

Leaning over from the front passenger seat, Rainbow Dash replied, “We know. We’re here to protest!”

He peered over his sunglasses at the multi-colored haired girl and responded flatly, “Strict Governor’s orders: NO PROTESTERS!”

Climbing out the rear window, Pinkie Pie stood on the roof of the van. “But we even made a sign and everything!” She held her sign up that proclaimed: “Say no to the dam!”

“No!”

“Yes! You’ve got it!”

“No, you’re not getting through.”

Undeterred, Pinkie Pie proudly proclaimed, “Stop the bats! Stop the bats! – I mean – Stop the dam! Stop the dam!”

Talking into his radio, the state trooper barked, “Backup! Now!”

Two hours later found the girls getting out of the van by the riverbank.

“I can’t believe they escorted us away,” complained Rainbow Dash.

“Just be happy that we didn’t get arrested,” said Twilight.

“Yeah, I thought they were about to draw their firearms when Pinkie pulled out her cannon.”

“Pinkie, I may not be from this world, but even I know not to aim a firearm at a law enforcement officer,” admonished Sunset Shimmer.

“What? It only fires confetti.”

“I can’t believe that the Governor is going to flood this beautiful valley,” lamented Fluttershy. “Look at all these animals that will have to find new homes.” She walked to the edge of the river and began conversing with a myriad of creatures including a beaver, weasel, and raccoon.

“What are we going to do?” wondered Rarity. “While we can clearly see the podium from here, our protest will be ineffective. And after all the hard work I put into our protest outfits.”

“Right,” said Applejack rolling her eyes. “I’m sure that our clothes were going to make the difference.”

“It’s protest chic, darling.”

Looking across the valley, Rainbow Dash noted, “If only we could cross the river, we’d be right there.”

“Ooh! Ooh! Look what I found!” cried Pinkie Pie.

The girls gathered around the strange vehicle.

“What is that?” asked Applejack.

“Let me take a picture and do an image search,” said Twilight.

Pinkie Pie began vibrating in excitement.

Scrolling through on her phone, she said, “Oh, look, it’s an M29.”

“What the hay is that Twi? I ain’t ever heard of an M-Twenty-Nine.”

“It says that it’s a tracked vehicle from World War 2.”

“And?” asked Pinkie as she vibrated even faster.

“It’s used for amphibious operations.”

“And?” asked Pinkie as she vibrated so fast she became a blur.

“Well, it’s made by Studebaker… and has a 70-horsepower engine… designed for operations in Norway…and was nicknamed the ‘Weasel.’”

“Hooray! You got it!” cheered Pinkie Pie as she threw confetti into the air and blew noisemakers.

“What?” asked a dumbfounded Twilight.

“It’s a Weasel!”

“…So?”

“We’re bound to get extra credit from the judges for mentioning the prompt twice and using it in a creative way!”

“What?” repeated Twilight. She looked for answers from the other five girls but only received blank stares in return.

“Ooh, look, the author conveniently left the keys in the Weasel.” Pinkie climbed in and started it up, with a belch of black smoke from the exhaust pipe.

“Hold on there Pinkie!” cried Applejack. “We can’t just take this thing. It belongs to someone.”

Pushing in the clutch and moving the stick, the vehicle jerked forward and started moving towards the river.

The gaggle of girls made a daring dash for the wild Weasel and its deranged driver. The six piled in, with Fluttershy having to be pulled up by Applejack as the pink-haired girl cradled one of the animals she had befriended.

The Weasel splashed into the roaring river and began moving against the current, heading towards the political event.

Reaching the opposite riverbank, the Weasel jerked to a halt.

“Pinkie Pie! What were you thinking!” demanded Sunset Shimmer.

A slightly nauseated Applejack added, “That was a plum crazy thing to do.”

“We’re here, aren’t we? And besides, how else were we going to get here? It’s not like the author was going to build us a bridge or give us super amazing jetpacks.”

“What author are you going on about?” asked Twilight.

“Forget it. Look!” pointed Rainbow Dash. “The governor is about to speak.”

The girls hurried over and pushed their way to the front of the assembled crowd.

Stopping in the middle of his speech, the governor walked over to the and demanded, “What’s going on here!”

Pinkie Pie brandished her sign and began chanting, “Damn the dam! Damn the dam! Damn the dam!”

Fluttershy, somehow heard over her crazy pink-haired friend, said “What you’re doing will hurt the environment.”

“I don’t care about that,” he snorted. “This will generate megawatts of electricity and make lots of money for the state.” Shaking his head, he ordered, “You girls get out of here! This is a private event.”

Fluttershy, somehow finding her courage to press on, continued, “Think of the animals! Why just look at this poor, scared creature.”

She held the animal aloft. Scarred from the rough ride and all the commotion, the moaning Mustela mammal leapt from the girl’s arms and latched onto the Governor’s face. Struggling to remove the wild weasel, he tripped over an inconveniently placed sandbag holding up the teleprompter. After a moment perched upon the perilous precipice, the pissed-off politician plummeted off the platform, bouncing down the bank and plunging into the roaring rapids.

Three weeks later the girls watched the newscaster on television. “And so, after careful review, our new Governor has decided to cancel the new dam.”

“Hooray!” cried Pinkie Pie as she threw confetti into the air. Her happiness was met by six frowning faces. “♪ Come on everybody! Smile! Smile! Smile! We all saved the valley, valley valley! ♫”

Twilight adjusted her glasses. “While I’m glad we saved the valley, I don’t think the ends justified the means.”

“Yeah,” added Applejack, “getting sent to juvenile detection for grand theft auto and having the Governor drown due to our actions ain’t something I’m happy about.”

“Wait until Princess Celestia hears about this. She’s sure to send me to Tartarus,” moaned Sunset Shimmer.

“And just look at these horrid prison outfits!” wailed Rarity. “Orange is not the new black!”

Pinkie just shrugged. “Don’t worry, I’m sure if we win the writing contest the author will add a happy ending for us. Why, he may even have the Rainbooms do the ‘Jailhouse Rock.’”

An exasperated Twilight demanded, “Pinkie, what the buck are you talking about!”

The End? That’s up to you judges!

Author's Note

This was my entry in the Iron Author competition at Everfree Northwest 2024. The judges said they let Pinkie Pie chose the prompts. The prompts were: "weasel, gubernatorial, smile." I had a hard time coming up with the prompts, so I said to heck with it, if Pinkie Pie came up with the prompts, she would be responsible for incorporating them into my story! Hope you enjoyed it.

V/R,

Bonus Chapter!

Author's Note

So, here's the deal. On Friday night, before the Iron Author competition, there was a panel on speedwriting. As part of this panel, there was a challenge to write a story in 10 minutes. The prompt was "Enchanted." This is what I managed to come up with after some brainstorming. Enjoy!

Bonus Chapter!

"Twilight!" yelled Applejack.

"I - I" stammered Twilight.

"Twilight, what the buck were you thinking!"

"I - I"

"Now look at this!" yelled Applejack, pointing her hoof at the bloody corpse upon the floor.

"I - I enchanted the knife by mistake," she tried to explain.

Applejack gave her a hard stare.

"Well, now ya done killed Rarity!"

Twilight began to cry. "I'm going to prison, aren't I? Tartarus for me! I can't go to Tartarus. There's no library there! You can't even get Amazon deliveries there!" she wailed.

"Calm down Sugarcube, we'll fix this."

One hour later...

The two ponies dug a grave.

"Who-wee, this is hard work," said Applejack.

"I know how to make this easier," said Twilight.

"Ah don't think - "

Twilight lit her horn, enchanting a spare shovel. It levitated and flew towards the hole, slicing Applejack in half as it went. "Buck!" She sighed, "Now I have to dig two holes."