De-Tox: Adhesive Therapy

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During the Night

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I had signed myself out. (After I had passed the test, proving that I had none of the substance connected to the addiction!)

Once I had signed myself out, I had gone home; quite proud of myself, after the accomplishment. (Considering, just how many therapy treatments I had failed.)

I feel surprisingly good, as I am stepping into my home. (I should, after I had let go of my addiction.. shouldn’t I?) It just feels strange, not to be glued to the floor. (Why am I missing the sense of being glued to the floor, in the first place?)

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I had just gotten home, stepping into my own home; after the harrowing experience of kicking the addiction, even if the experience of the therapy is leaving me with excitement. (An unexpected and unexplained sense of excitement, I simply can not explain {away}; when it should have left me, with a sense of unease and discomfort.)

Still, I am relieved as I am stepping into my home; rediscovering the life I had been so close to giving up, under the influence of the addiction. (I am just experiencing a new sensation, something I just can not quite put a finger on; while it is distracting, disturbing.)

I push the sense of unease and growing discomfort aside, permitting the excitement of finally coming up hide it. (Well, why not?)

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I wear nothing, but my own clothes. (Just the clothes, I had worn; when I had signed in, at the clinic. {What else could I possibly be wearing?})

I slowly walk through my home, rediscovering everything I had left behind; finally stepping into my bedroom, only to open the door to my wardrobe. (intent of leaving the clothes behind, destroying the link to what had brought me there.)

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I had disrobed, stripped down to my bare skin; exploring the clothes I have before me, the options I have to wear. (Nothing fancy, but I could never rationalize even buying these in the first place; on the account, of having no real use to wear these in the first place.)

“Should I buy something new, fancier to wear?” I ponder, as I am scanning the content of my wardrobe. (I still have to let go of all the clothes I have, even if I do have some clothes untainted by what had brought me down.)

I pick up a pair of pristine white cotton-panties, stepping into them right and left; pulling them all the way up, once I had slipped both my feet in into them.

With the panties on, I am extracting a matching brassier; pulling it down over my head, slipping it into place. These clothes still makes me feel dirty, even if I knew I had never worn them back then; despite everything, even if they at least make me feel as if I had come home. (I am no longer nude, presentable; at least, in the eyes of everyone else.)

Now I am picking up the mate, black cotton skirt, distinctly contrasting with the panties and brassier I am wearing under them; stepping into it, before I am pulling it all the way up. (Only affording it a few tentative tugs: once, twice and thrice.)

Finally; I am selecting a matching medium grey dress blouse, slipping my right hand through the sleeve. (Only to repeat the process, of slipping my left hand in through the other sleeve.) With both my arms in; I pull the blouse tight to my chest, before I am buttoning it all the way up. (From the first button, and all the way up to the {very} last one under my chin.)

Once I am fully dressed up, I feel a bit better. (These are fresh, unused clothes; leaving me feel, as if I had been dressed up to go out.)

“I have a few errands to run..” I ponder; “before I can reclaim my life!” I continue.

“I need new clothes, an entirely new wardrobe..” I mouth, under my breath; “aside from a few other select items and effects!” I conclude.

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After I had enjoyed a full meal, I step into my personal office; logging in on my computer, activating my old favourite browser. (I will have to delete my list of favourites, in order to sever the links to anything that can trip me; snaring me, pulling me back into the life I had back when I first caught the addiction.)

“I may have to delete my browser, as much as I may have enjoyed it; but it is tainted, offering me to take back what I have to give up in order to regain my freedom!” I declare. (I just have to install another browser, before I delete it.)

I end up, on a site selling latex garments; including swim-caps I can cover my hair with, on a whim. I choose one black, one red and finally a skin-tone swim-cap. (At least, the site claims it will be skin-tone; thus making it perfectly invisible, when I put it on. {for some reason, I find this exciting beyond words.} How and why? I have no idea, at the time.)

I end up selecting panties and tops in: Black, Red, Blue, white, Skin-tone, Mannequin and finally, Crystal Clear. (Why?) Furthermore; I select a bathing suit in black, white, red and skin-tone. (But, of course I had to; when I find the appearance exceedingly exciting, just to look at.)

I select a black (glossy), skin-tone (medium) and a metallic bloody red (Highly glossy and with a distinct glittery effect to it.).

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I had left the site, where I had purchased the first inspired wardrobe. (I had even left a bookmark and joined the site.)

I find another site, from which I can buy the next (casual wardrobe).

I select silken panties in: white, black and a bright cerise. Adding to this, I choose a matching set of brassieres and tops in the same, matching colours. (Just to spice up my life, for when I choose to step out onto the fancier side of life.)

The rest of my clothes will be casual cotton wear. (Why not? I feel most comfortable wearing casual cotton wears, after all!)

Panties, tops, brassieres, skirts, blouses and so on. (Just the usual wears, for a woman to feel at home and comfortable wearing.) With this, I can dump the rest of my clothes in a plastic back; only to dump the bag in the trash, once the delivery has arrived. (This will cost me, of course; but what is the price of freedom, from everything I had worked so hard to escape?)

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A Re-Lapse, (of Sorts)

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