CELESTIA vs CELESTIA: MOM FIGHT!!
IT'S THE FINAL COUNTDOWN!!
“WHO’S READY FOR THE SHOWDOWN OF THE MILLENNIUM?!” Spike the dragon bellowed into the microphone, resulting in the small crowd on the stands either clapping and cheering or being completely ambivalent.
“OH YEAH BUDDY THIS IS IT. THE SHOW WE’VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR! WOOF WOOF!” Spike the dog barked gleefully alongside his counterpart, into his own mic.
The stands contained barely twelve people, six on each side, who were both equally matched with confusion and enthusiasm– Divided evenly between ponies and humans, each kind sitting in one stand; But they applauded either way; And between the stands, in the middle of the arena, was the ring.
“Before we begin the show, we’d like to thank the bossman– Is that what we should call him? Feels wrong. Eugh.” The dragon held the mic while eyeing his dog counterpart in confusion.
“No one’s the boss of me! Not unless they’ve got treats!” He barked in response, and was immediately rewarded by the Lord of Chaos, who sat on a wall defying gravity near them snapping his fingers and presenting a single bone-shaped treat onto the desk they were presenting upon. “Thanks, boss guy!”
“Yep, that’s right. This tournament, this contest, this combat, this epic clash is brought to you by none other than Discord, who, and I quote: ‘Needed a reason to use this arena in the realm between realms anyways, and he sure as heck wasn’t going to be cleaning it.’ Yeah, I get it, you lazy butt.” The dragon rolled his eyes and shrugged. “But hey, good for us, right?!”
“That’s right, buddy! Woof woof!” The dog joined in with a smile. “Now, before we begin, we do have to address some issues here…” Discord handed him a short list, while looking through opera glasses, beholding the stands and the arena. “...First off, you might be wondering if this much intercosmic radiation is healthy for us mortal beings, especially considering we’re heralding from two different dimensions here, woof woof– Rest assured the side effects will not be permanent!”
He stopped reading to chew on the delicious bone, prompting the dragon counterpart to take over. “Side effects? Oh gosh. It says here that the symptoms revolve a lack of consideration for the fourth wall, insanity, general itchiness…” His eyes widened as the list kept going, and going. “--Okay. We should be good, right? Since we’re not being bathed by that cosmic nebula or whatever.”
He pointed upwards– The arena had stands near it and an elevated podium for the two dragons to play announcer, and a few doors that led to nowhere– But outside of that, it seemed like they were in a comet, sailing through the cosmos and the universe, magic incarnate swept through every direction like a planetarium.
“Discord!!” Human Twilight stood from the crowd and pointed up accusingly. “Your nonsense better not cause my dog to get even worse cognitive function– He is already a talking dog, he’s had enough!!”
“Gosh, Twilight’s right, maybe we shouldn't–” The dog stopped immediately, as Discord handed him another treat. “Nevermind, we’re good!”
Clearing his throat, the dragon shrugged. “Well, uh, the elevation of this booth isn’t going to be a concern for me and him, right?”
The draconequs looked up at the cosmic shower that sailed past pensively, then back to the two spikes, and shrugged.
Princess Twilight wasn’t satisfied, as from the stands, she fluttered her wings and yelled up at them. “Hey! Discord! You better not fry Spike’s brain, or I’m getting the elements!!”
Sweating nervously, the Lord of Chaos began making a few calculations and tests with multiple gadgets and doohickeys capable of discerning the intercosmic weirdness in the air.
“LET US BEGIN ALREADY!!” Princess Celestia bellowed from below, spreading her wings wide, glaring at her opponent at the opposite side of the arena.
“O-okay, okay! Dang!” Spike cleared his throat, and epic music resounded into the arena from who knows where. “ALRIGHT FOLKS, LET’S GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD!!” Spotlights, seemingly from nowhere, bathed one of the humans on the other side of the ring, as she waved at the stands. “IN ONE SIDE, WEIGHING 160 POUNDS, COMBAT EXPERIENCE UNKNOWN– SHE’S AN EDUCATOR, A MOTHER, A TEACHER TO MANY, AND KIND OF JUST A SWEET LADY: PRINCIPAL CELESTIA!!”
Still wearing her blazer, she was leaning on one side of the ring smiling, if not confidently, at least proud to be present, as she raised a fist that already held a protective glove, while her sister passed her soft padded helmet. “Hello, everyone!” Her voice was barely audible over the music.
“Oh, jeez. Somepony get her a mic.” The dragon glanced at Discord, who responded with a silent thumbs up, as sparks and miniature fireworks accentuated their speech over the arena. “Alright, next one, your turn buddy.”
Tail wagging furiously, Spike nearly swallowed the mic as he barked out cheerfully. “IN THE OTHER SIDE, WEIGHING 900 POUNDS, WITH A QUITE IMPRESSIVE WINGSPAN, YOU KNOW HER, YOU PROBABLY WORSHIP HER, IT’S PRINCESS CELESTIA, THE ALICORN OF THE FUCKING SUN!!”
“Spike! No swearing!” Human Twilight yelled out from the stands, barely audible.
“S-sorry! Got excited!!”
“HAIL, FRIENDS OF EARTH AND EQUESTRIA. IT IS AN HONOR TO BE HERE!” The alicorn spread her wings mightily, her voice drowning out the music. “NO MATTER THE OUTCOME OF THIS DAY, I HOPE OUR MIGHTY COMBAT PROVIDES YOU ALL WITH SOME ENTERTAINMENT– AND NO MATTER WHAT, I LOVE YOU, DAUGHTER!” The spotlights moved to Sunset Shimmer, at this point in time, still a human– She had flipped a coin to decide which form she’d take upon entering this realm, and human had been the victor. She was leaning right outside the middle point of the ring in sheepish concern.
“H-HEY!! I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY–” Principal Celestia yelled into a mic that was handed to her by a miniature Discord, and immediately corrected her pitch when she realized it went overboard; Although she could not match the Canterlot voice of an alicorn, her experience as an educator made her more than effective at shouting. “S-sorry. I have something to say. Can you please cut the music?”
A hush fell onto the arena, and all spotlights were on the Principal, as she closed her eyes, breathed, and cleared her throat. All eyes were on her. “...When I first met Sunset Shimmer, she was a troubled teen– And I could immediately tell there was more to her than just pain and lashing out at the world. I felt a strange sadness whenever I saw her walk home alone… Little did I know at the time, she had no home, nor friends.”
Sunset, incredibly embarrassed, covered her face with her hands, and the Principal kept talking. “When I found out, I felt deeply hurt that this student in my care refused to accept my help. I would like to thank Princess Twilight Sparkle for helping change her mind… And for setting her on a better path.”
“U-um, you’re very welcome!!” The Princess fluttered her wings from the stands, with a flustered smile. “It was my pleasure, really! She’s wonderfu–”
“And I’d also like to thank Sunset’s human friends from our human world, for providing her with such love and care when I could not.” The Principal affirmed, while turning to her side of the stands, where six girls waved and cheered with mixed levels of enthusiasm. “You are all wonderful. Thank you so much.”
“KICK HER ASS, SUNSET’S MOM!” Human Rainbow Dash yelled out and was immediately held back by her friends.
“Sunset…” The Principal walked to the edge of the ring, smiling warmly at her daughter. “I was so pleased when you finally accepted me and my sister’s offer to provide you with shelter, food, and warmth. I never in my life expected to have a daughter– But I am overjoyed that it’s you.”
“Mom, you’re embarrassing me…! This is really stupid!” Blushing, Sunset quietly pleaded, a plea that would fall on deaf ears.
“I figured my chance for a family, or relationships of this sort were done a long time ago– Just not in the cards for me.” She laughed wearily, shaking her head. “But you showed me that we can all still grow, we can all still change… I feel truly optimistic for all our futures because of you, Sunset.” She smiled warmly towards her daughter, before turning to the other side of the arena.
“And you.” Principal Celestia stepped into the ring, eyeing her alicorn counterpart. “I have seen Sunset Shimmer reach true joy– And I am not letting you take it away from her, least of all take her away from me.”
Entirely unintimidated, Princess Celestia snatched a microphone that was being offered to her by a miniature Discord, holding it aloft with her magic. “If you have said your peace, I'd like to say mine.”
Sitting down, spotlights on her, she breathed in, entirely focused. “When I first met my little one, she was nothing but an orphan. A fan of mine… I was told it was careless, and even foolish to take in an orphan as my pupil– I was told to prioritize star students from my school– But no.”
She walked over to the edge of the ring, regarding her daughter with a warm smile. “I never thought I’d have a chance at a family– In all my thousand years of living, I figured that I would simply not fulfill such a childish notion… But I had that with you, Sunset. You were something brand new in centuries of tedium, little one… And I love you.”
“I love you too mom, but can we PLEASE call this off?!” She exasperatedly waved her hands around.
Clearing her throat, she ignored the request. “Sunset Shimmer. I have not regretted a single moment of raising you, and watching you grow. Even when you lost your way, I still loved you like my own daughter, and hoped for your return home…” She turned her gaze to her human counterpart, with a glare. “And if this hairless version of me thinks she can keep you from returning home, to keep you from continuing to fulfill your destiny with the ponies who love you– Well then, I will simply have to break her.”
“M-mom, this entire thing is a bit much, isn’t it?!” Sunset desperately moved closer to the ring, failing to get their attention. “Seriously, we can all sort this out over pizza– You’re gonna love human food–”
“BRING IT, HORSE!” The Principal shouted out, pounding her fists together.
“IT ENDS HERE, HAIRLESS APE–”
“W-woah, woah, ladies!! Hold on! We haven’t even said the rules yet!!” The dragon yelled into his own microphone in concern. “Slow down–”
“Can I say something?” The crowd gasped, as spotlights moved to none other than Vice-Principal Luna, having grabbed the mic that her sister had left behind.
She leaned on the ring from the outside, with an unamused expression, but spoke without hesitation. “Look, Sunset is a great kid. I never thought I’d have a family like this, and I sure as hell never thought I’d be an aunt– Which is frankly awesome, I’ve really enjoyed my time with her– But she needs to make her own decisions, and this whole brawl is dumb.” She took a breath, and a grin appeared on her face, as she fished out her phone. “--Is what I would say, if I wasn’t going to record it. Sis, I’m playing footage of you getting bucked by a horse at both our funerals; And at scholastic fairs.”
“Lulu, for the love of– Ugh.” The Principal rolled her eyes.
“And now, I think somepony else should have a say.” The vice-principal smirked, handing her microphone to her pony counterpart, who was watching from outside the ring. “Here you go.”
“Thank you, my wise counterpart from the human world.” Princess Luna nodded sagely, smiling truly, as she held the mic with her magic. “I have not had the prolonged pleasure of knowing Sunset Shimmer well. I have heard wonderful things about her from many sources, and I would quite enjoy getting to know her better– After all, unlike you, my counterpart, I have never gotten to be an aunt…” She raised an eyebrow, beholding her sister. “...Due to being on the moon…”
The Princess of the Sun groaned. “Sister, can we not do this right now–”
“Ahem. I am not finished.” The alicorn of the night huffed, folding her wings close. “Although I agree with the wisdom of my counterpart, that this should be Sunset’s choice– I do have a particular desire here...” She couldn’t help but snicker, as she continued speaking. “...And that is to have the footage of my sister being struck by a hairless ape cemented into Equestrian history.”
The two Lunas high fived, or the closest one could do with two hooves– With the crowd snickering on both sides, and the two Celestias sighed and rolled their eyes in unison.
With exhasperation, Sunset quickly snatched the mic, and spoke into it with exasperation. “O-okay, okay, can we all just breathe? I get it, you both love me, and I love you two too– This is literally two different worlds clashing– But this is NUTS! You had an entire cosmic arena constructed just so you could fight?! Let’s take a step back and–”
“It would be impolite to have gathered all your friends here and not give them a show, Sunset!” While adjusting her gloves and helmet, the Principal giggled. “Besides. I believe this has been a long time coming.”
“Indeed it has.” The Princess nodded sternly. “Rest assured, that this is all for your own good, daughter. Spikes!” She glanced up, shouting out. “List the rules! Let us begin!”
The two contestants took their places, leaning at the edges of the ring, while the two Spikes vibrated with excitement. “Ohohooo okay, showtime, finally!! Alright, THE RULES: This will be a three round smackdown– both of you are equipped with padding so that none can poke the other’s eyes– Or punch something too fiercely with what equates to knuckles made of metal. Looking at you, alicorn!”
The dog, snickering alongside him, continued. “And of course, magic is forbidden in this match!! And that horn has plenty of padding so it doesn’t, y’know, skewer.”
“With that, knock or pin your opponent down or get a ring out for ten seconds, and that’s a round won for you! Any questions?” He flapped his wings expectantly.
The two Celestias simply glared at each other from across the ring, narrowing their eyes.
“Then BEGIN!!”
And so, they charged at each other– The Principal grappled with the alicorn, who flapped her wings, smacking her aggressively.
“Off to a great start! You know, I don’t know what educators are made of in your world, Spike– I have seen Cherilee do some crazy stuff– But damn, Principal Celestia seems to be a tough nut to crack!”
“Yeah, aren’t wings that large supposed to hurt when they smack you? Woof!”
“Twilight told me that goose wings can literally break bones– The Principal seems to be holding her own, however! Those shins must be made of steel!!”
The crowd gasped and awed as the princess delivered swift hoof strikes to the principal, who retaliated with her own punches.
“I will say though, those foam helmets must be godly, Spike. I wouldn’t wanna be the Principal right now– Even with the Princesses padded horn and hooves…”
With impeccable speed, the Princess delivered swift strikes of her horn, smacking her counterpart repeatedly.
“Yeah, I have to say, I dunno why a human thought they could fight a horse– But I’ve never been a mom, so I guess I can’t relate, woof woof!”
“All in due time, Spike. I’m sure one day we’ll OH DANG!!--”
The entire crowd gasped as the Principal crouched below the alicorn and overturned her with a mighty shove, throwing her on her back.
“OOHH THAT IS A SICK OVERTURN!! WHO KNEW SHE HAD IT IN HER–”
The Princess swiftly took a stand, retaliating with hoof strikes, keeping the human on the defensive.
“I’ll be honest buddy– I thought this would be one sided, one way or another– But what a turnaround this has been!! It’s the match of the millennium, right here!!”
“You said it, buddy– I don’t know if you all in the crowd are feeling this but–” He paused, ears perked up, as Discord handed him a note. “Oh, right, Spike, look!”
“Oh boy. I guess it can’t be helped.” They both cleared their throats, and read the paper in unison. “And now, for a brief word from one of our sponsors.”
The crowd booed, and they just powered through it. “This tournament is sponsored in part by ‘The Cutie Mark Crusaders. Got a problem? Crusade it! Scootaloo is this really the slogan we went with It’s pretty cruddy Sweetiebelle trust me this is the best one hey Applebloom are you still typing’–” The two Spikes paused to giggle. “Okay, this goes on for a while, we’ll save you the trouble, folks.”
The crowd sighed in relief and was immediately shook when a mighty strike resounded from the arena. The Princess had decisively struck her counterpart with her rump’s side, sending her flying towards the slings of the arena, of which the human used to propel herself into an even mightier counter tackle.
The crowd erupted into cheers. “HAH, WOW, THIS FIRST ROUND HAS BEEN NUTS, HASN’T IT SPIKE?”
“IT SURE HAS, SPIKE! IT CAN’T GET ANY BETTER THAN THIS–” It got better, as one Celestia delivered an uppercut, countered by a stomp.
The crowd applauded and cheered, and Discord, who had a big foam finger to cheer with and opera glasses to observe, quickly handed the two Spikes more suggestions.
“Oh hey, not a bad idea! Let’s do interviews!”
“MOM FIGHT, MOM FIGHT, GO SUNSET’S MOM!!” Rainbow Dash cheered incredibly loud, waving a flag and everything, pumping her fists into the air. She only stopped when Rarity poked her, drawing her attention to the camera.
“Oh, you want me to say something about Sunset and this whole mess?” She leaned back, manspreading, grinning. “Man, Sunset’s lucky– And also unlucky as hell, that’s all I’ll say. Lucky to have two god moms, and unlucky to have them fighting like this–” She took a quick pause to snicker to herself– “But dang it if it isn’t lucky for us– This is so awesome!! Best. Mom fight. EVER!”
She resumed the cheers, and ignored the cameras entirely. “GO SUNSET’S MOM, PUT THAT HORSE ON A CHOKEHOLD!!”
“W-what?! Say something about S-Sunset?!” Fluttershy asked, almost instinctively wanting to hide from the camera, covering her eyes with her fingers every time another strike was struck in the arena. “U-um she doesn’t seem comfortable right now– And neither am I– I mean, don’t we have a nicer way to settle this? M-maybe through a board game, maybe jenga–”
“Flutters don’t take this from me!!” Rainbow begged from beside her.
“Rainbow, don’t be so gauche!” Rarity judged from another seat.
“I’m just saying, this is so violent–” She immediately flinched as a swift right hook was delivered in the arena. “I really don’t want Sunset to have to go, she’s really nice and means so much to us… But I feel even worse for the Principal, she’s facing a horse in a fight– There’s a reason why we humans call a certain measurement ‘horsepower’, you know? Ponies are taxonomically the same animals as horses, too… The distinction between a horse and pony is commonly drawn on the basis of height, especially for competition purpo–”
The camera moved away to the other stand.
“I understand my human counterpart’s concern, I really do!” Fluttershy noted with a smile, observing the fight. “But this is all a part of nature. When two mothers claim the same cub, it gets very territorial, and it’s never pretty.”
In the arena, the alicorn and the Human roared before headbutting each other.
“This is just how it is when two mothers have imprinted on a young. If nothing else, we get to observe how love can be shown as something that transcends metaphysical power!” She giggled to herself, fluttering her wings. “Now let’s all behold with wonder the ravenous and fascinating beauty of nature…!”
“Y-YOU OVERGROWN MARKETABLE PLUSHIE!!!” The Principal insulted.
“Y-YOU COTTON CANDY-HAIRED MONKEY!!” The Princess yelled back.
“Dude, why are you even bothering interviewing me?” Rainbow Dash leaned back on her chair, with the widest most pleased grin. “That camera should be focussed on the show, for real.”
In the arena, Celestia was running in circles aggressively while her counterpart mounted her and punched her on the side of the head repeatedly.
“Look, I don’t know Sunset very well–” Snickering, Rainbow leaned forward. “But you all know I’m a mare that loves competition. And Sunset got two moms to fight for dominance, all sweaty, on a ring and everything? Yeah, She’s the best. This is the best day of my life.”
“I-I NEED TO SAY SOMETHING!!” Pinkie Pie yelled out in near tears, snatching a microphone, with the spotlights focussing on her. “S-SUNSET, UP HERE!!” She waved both aggressively and sorrowfully, as tears began streaming down her face.
The human in question was sitting in a chair beside the ring, sighing, holding a mic with one hand, her chin with another. “What’s up, Pink?”
“J-JUST IN CASE THAT YOUR OTHER MOM WINS THIS FIGHT AND YOU HAVE TO MOVE BACK TO EQUESTRIA– I HAVE TO CONFESS SOMETHING–” Her nose was snotting with despair as she clutched the microphone with two hands and trembling fingers. “All those times I slapped your ass in public and in private– There wasn’t a bug on it!! I just like slapping your ass!!!”
Silence. Sunset didn’t even blink, just lightly grimaced of exhaustion as she brought the mic closer to her lips. “Pinkie I… I know. Like; I take naps on your tummy all the time. We’re just that kind of friends.”
“I ALSO NEED TO SAY SOMETHING!!” The Equestrian Pinkie Pie snatched a microphone as well, and the spotlights moved to her, as did the attention of the arena. “I have to c-confess something!! Me and the human Pinkie… We’ve been switching places!!!”
The crowd gasped and looked around in confusion. Sunset narrowed her eyes in disbelief.
“Y-yeah, every other weekend, I cross the mirror to be human, and she does the same to be a pony!! We just love experiencing each other’s lives and crossing the thin line of multiversal ethics to see just how we differ–” She choked on tears, sniffling. “A-and Sunset, just in case your other mom wins and you stay in the human world, I just have to s-say… All those times I slapped your ass in public and in private– There wasn’t a speck of dust I was cleaning off– I JUST LIKE SLAPPING YOUR ASS!!”
Sunset buried her face in her hands with an unendingly weary sigh. “Jesus fucking chri–”
“LANGUAGE!!” Both Celestia’s said in stereo while wrestling.
“S-Sunset deserves better than living in a fantasy world that forgot about her!!” The Principal strained in a wrestle with her counterpart, grappling with all her strength.
“Oh yeah?! As opposed to living in a smelly world where she has to own a CAR?! A CAR! Those are machines of pollution in a broken world that is burning itself–” She was silenced by the human mounting her and trying to choke her.
“Now we’re getting ring banter, nice!!” Spike applauded. “Call each other names and stuff!!”
“Wouldn’t that be rude?” The two Celestia’s paused the fighting to speak in unison. The arena was silent, accentuated only by groans for a few awkward seconds…
Until they remembered they were supposed to be fighting. The alicorn neighed, leaping and falling on her back, crushing the human.
“THAT’S GOTTA HURT!! WOOF WOOF!!”
The Princess simply huffed and raised an eyebrow, as she watched her human counterpart attempt to struggle beneath her weight.
“That’s a down!! Start the countdown!!” Spike announced, and the entire arena began cheering counting the seconds.
And immediately gasped as they saw the Principal actually manage to slowly make headway on lifting her counterpart– Raising her in her arms almost bridal style, straining while yelling through the effort… And finally, after the struggle, tossing her off the arena.
“HOLY DANG THAT’S A RING OUT!! WOOF WOOF!!” He barked out, as the entire arena went wild. “START THE COUNTDO–”
Princess Celestia rolled her eyes, flapped her wings, and in a mere second was back in the ring.
The Principal had no time to react– As soon as her counterpart landed, she was bucked full force out of the arena, slamming violently into one of the stands.
The crowd went wild, and the Vice-Principal quietly moved near her sister to take a selfie, before checking on her unconscious, bruised body.
“Annnnnd that’s a KO! THAT’S A WRAP FOR ROUND ONE!! CONGRATS ON THE WIN, PRINCESS CELESTIA!!” Spike flapped his wings with excitement, as the Princess bowed, smiling.
“And one of you please give her some water and some orange slices! Ouch!” The dog giggled, while turning to the Lord of Chaos. “Cut to commercial?”
Discord nodded with a grin, and snapped his fingers.
“You know what’s worse than being a virgin in your forties?” The crowd was silent, as the vice-principal did the best to perform a stand up routine to pass the time while her sister got ready for the next round.
Slowly, Princess Luna approached, and her counterpart handed her the mic, where she cleared her throat, side eyed her sister with a grin, and spoke. “...Being a thousand-year-old-virgin.”
The crowd erupted in snickers as both Celestias rolled their eyes.
The Princess of the Sun, exasperated, quickly flapped her wings, garnering attention, addressing her sister. “E-excuse me! My duties as the ruler of Equestria are far too extensive to include fornication within my schedule!!”
Silently, the vice-principal whispered something in Luna’s ears. She nodded, and brought the mic closer. “...My human counterpart wishes me to inform you that this is a ‘skill issue’.”
Both Celestias groaned in stereo once more.
“Well, Spike, I don’t know about you, but this hasn’t disappointed!” The little dragon finished his quick snack break, having a few more cookies. “No regrets.”
“You said it, buddy!! Woof woof!” Finishing licking his paws, he leaned closer to the mic. “Whenever the human Celestia is ready, we’ll start the next round!”
The Princess of the Sun snickered, eyeing her counterpart with a grin. “I hope you have enjoyed your sabbatical. Or would you rather concede victory now?”
The Principal, from her chair, spat out a bit of blood. They were both bruised up, but she definitely had the brunt of it. Removing the towel from her shoulders, finishing an entire bottle of water, tossing it aside, and leaping into the ring.
“School’s out, horse.”
And with that statement, she removed her blazer, tossing it outside of the ring, her chest being covered only by a sports bra.
The entire crowd gasped as spotlights were on her.
“Okay buddy, am I seeing this right?!” The dragon leaned forward with awe. “It seems that the Principal has removed her top, and much to our surprise, she is built like what I could only describe as an amazonian queen?!”
“Oh yeah, you’re definitely seeing this right!” The dog barked with glee. “Seems the Principal is a bag of glistening muscles– Also the spotlights are way too reflective on her incredibly white skin and it hurts my eyes!! Woof!”
“If you are all done gawking, I can explain.” The vice-principal rolled her eyes, as her sister stretched in preparation for the match. “It’s quite simple, really. At a young age, both me and my sister looked for different outlets for stress. And she was told that exercise relieves stress...”
The silence persisted as the entire crowd stared at the shirtless Celestia.
“...And then she became a high school principal.” Luna continued, rolling her eyes. “The rest, you can predict for yourself. Meanwhile I discovered videogames as a stress reliever, and just beat Dead Space 2’s hardest difficulty in one sitting the other day. So which of us is winning?”
Silence. Someone in the crowd coughed.
“...Screw you guys.” The vice-principal handed the microphone to her counterpart, while going to sulk in the corner.
“Why are you all surprised and in awe?” The Princess of the Night raised a confused eyebrow. “Both Celestias have displayed impeccable strength. Is this news to all of you?”
“Mom I’ve been living with you for years and I never knew you had a six pack.” Sunset spoke with bewilderment into the microphone, letting out a sigh where she felt just a little bit conflicted. “This is so weird. …Should I work out more?”
“YES!”Both Twilight’s in the audience yelled out in stereo, with their respective nosebleeds.
“I can show you my routine later, sweetie!” The Principal gave her a wave and a smile. “Morning jogs are just the tip of the iceberg. With a good diet, exercise routine, and weight lifting–”
“--Do not talk to her as if you’ve won already.” The Princess of the Sun frowned, then turned to her daughter. “Sunset, this contest has been stressful, I understand. But look at how well you are doing now! Look at all the friends you’ve made…! It would be my absolute pleasure to take you in as my pupil once more… You would earn your wings in no time, and we could finally soar through the cosmos together…!”
“Aw, mom…!” Sunset couldn’t help but get starry eyed, remembering an old dream.
“Excuse me, what about college?” The Principal crossed her burly arms, and pouted sternly. “Higher education, Sunset. Giving back to society with a degree! Didn’t you want to study arts?”
“I-I mean, I guess, but uh–”
“There is no greater gift to your world than ascending to the throne and bringing your home to a golden age!!” The Princess huffed, frowning. “Sunset has a much higher purpose than simple human college! She is meant to rule the skies themselves!”
“U-um, hey, I’m right here, you know?” Princess Twilight smiled awkwardly, raising her wings from the stands. “Uh, where do I fit in this? Hello?”
“You can co-rule, my student! Sunset would make for an incredible partner! Trust me, you do not want to rule alone– Boredom is the least of your concerns. From the weight of the responsibilities to the loneliness…” The alicorn smiled truly, pointing towards Luna. “After all, my sister and I share the throne, and it has been wonderful. Sunset is uniquely qualified for the position– It would be my honor and great pleasure to let my two greatest students work together in our stead!”
And those two students hid their faces and flustered with the implications.
“Excuse me. Hello.” Human Twilight tapped her own microphone with a nervous eye twitch. “What about all the very loving and caring interpersonal relationships that Sunset has on the human world? We’re right here. We all love her and want to see her do well– And we also do not want her to go. The match isn’t decided yet. Principal Celestia, please, um, how do you say–”
“KICK HER HORSE ASS!” Rainbow snatched her microphone with glee.
“SPIKES! LET’S BEGIN THE NEXT ROUND!!” The human Celestia bellowed out, pointing up, and her wish was met immediately.
“ALRIGHT FOLKS TAKE YOUR PLACES, WOOF!” The dog barked out gleefully, and the dragon joined in. “Round two, let’s get this show on the road, FIGHT!!”
Once more, the human and the alicorn charged at each other, while Sunset just sighed, leaning back on her chair.
As they continued their mighty wrestling, the two Spikes continued to amuse themselves, as did Discord, who shared a popcorn with them. “Gotta hand it to those two– They’ve got stamina, they look pretty damn tired and are still going! That’s just nuts!”
“Hey, one’s a god, the other is a high school Principal. I get it.”
The crowd gasped as the two combatants exchanged right hooks. “That’s gotta hurt! Oh– another sponsor?” His ears perked up as Discord handed him another note.
Clearing his throat, the dragon took the note, and narrowed his eyes skeptically. “Oh great, Trixie.” Audible groans of annoyance were heard from the crowd.
“Okay, we all know it’s gotta be done. This tournament was sponsored in part by ‘The great and powerful Trixie and her great and equally powerful hairless ape counterpart, who wanted to crash this tournament with our own dazzling show of lights and glory, but we took the wrong turn and now we think we’re in some random barren universe where our only source of warmth is each other, please send help–’ Wow, that Trixie, huh. Her way of advertising is just weird.”
“You said it, buddy! Please tell us that was the last sponsor!” Discord could only shrug in response– But neither minded for long, as the entire crowd went wild.
Principal Celestia suplexed the alicorn, and the entire arena erupted in cheers.
“AND I THOUGHT THIS COULDN’T GET BETTER!!” The dog barked out in excitement.
“I know of something that could certainly improve it, buddy! More interviews!”
“I suppose I must respect the simplest form of solving problems, trial by combat…” Rarity pondered, as she did her makeup, floating a mirror above her with her magic, ensuring her hooves and eyeliner were spotless. “But honestly, darlings. They are copies of each other! They shouldn’t fight– They should rejoice in perfect union!”
“Not everypony gets to be perfect like you, sugarcube!” Applejack laughed out besides her.
“Quite right, darling. Me and the human Rarity? We’re visiting each other’s worlds to see if we can collaborate!” She giggled, doing a mane flip. “After all, with even one of us being fabulous, imagine if we combine our strengths! Double the Dazzle!”
“Can we not dimension hop as a habit?” The Princess of Friendship pleaded, not before flinching at a sickening wing slap Celestia delivered. “I have no clue what this could do to the fabric of our dimensions.”
“And yet, Pinkie did it wholeheartedly.” With a huff, Rarity narrowed her eyes at the party pony.
“In my defense…!!” The party pony fidgeted nervously, hesitating. “...It was really fun?!”
“If Pinkie can do it, I will do it too.”
The alicorn of friendship sighed in defeat.
“Don’t be such a square, Twi!” Rainbow leaned back with a grin. “I get it! I’d love to hang with the other me and see which is faster, heh!”
“Hell, I dunno why y'all care about hoppin’ between worlds. It don’t make no sense to me. Don’t we have what we want n’ need back home?” Applejack’s tail flipped about as she leaned back on her chair. “Though I’ll say it right here; This whole shebang? Is dang incredible.”
“You’re damn right!!” Rainbow replied beside her.
“When anypony in the apple family has a big disagreement, that’s how we sort any bad blood! A good ol’ fashioned wrestle!” She proudly tipped her hat, with a wide grin. “Only thing that we’re missin’ is some mud, heh!”
“Holy shit–” Rainbow perked up, with her wings fluttering. “HEY DISCORD, CAN WE GET SOME MUD IN THE ARENA NEXT ROUND?!”
Twilight, Sunset, and both Celestias told her to shut up in unison.
“Oh yes darlings. This will be incredible.” Rarity couldn’t even pay attention to the show– She was transfixed by her phone as her nails clacked away on it rhythmically. “The double Rarity clothing line! ‘Rarity for you– Plus TWO!’” She giggled poshly, amused at her own genius as she continued to type down future ideas.
“Dude I can’t believe you’re not watching this.” Rainbow Dash, beside her, groaned.
“Yes, yes, darling, two mothers fight for the future of their daughter, very interesting, very compelling.” She waved a hand dismissively, and didn’t look up from her notes. “I am busy making history, darling! Never before did a fashion genius have a perfect double of herself to work with!!”
“SHE IS LEGALLY MY DAUGHTER, I'VE GOT THE PAPERWORK TO PROVE IT!!” The Principal yelled out, wrestling with the alicorn on the ring
“AS HAVE I, AND MY EQUESTRIAN BUREAUCRACY TRUMPS YOURS!” The Princess smacked her with her wings.
“I’m gettin’ a lil’ choked up about this!” Applejack’s eyes got teary, and she wiped them poorly on her shirt. “I mean– Me n’ Sunset, y’know, we both ain’t got folks– But she ain’t even got siblings or a grandma– Her family’s her friends, y’know…?”
Fluttershy handed her a tissue, on which the cowgirl immediately blew her nose.
“H-havin’ her moms fight it out just to have a chance to love her, gosh, it must be real rough on her…!!” She proclaimed, mid sob. “WE’RE GONNA GET THROUGH THIS, PARTNER! WE’RE GONNA GET THROUGH THIS!!!”
Sunset pumped a fist in the air while getting teary eyed herself.
Twilight Sparkle giddily flapped her wings. “Oh, Sunset Shimmer? She’s wonderful! We still talk through our journals all the time! Plus, I always invite her whenever there’s a big event in Ponyville! It’s fun to watch her spread her pony legs, heheh! It’s so nice to know just how better she’s doing…!”
In the arena, the battle intensified, as the wrestling became more serious.
Twilight ignored it, thinking of Sunset. “We’re always there when we need advice from each other! Sometimes what you need is guidance from somepony that might understand your position of leadership, you know…?” She paused, her vision blurred, as her mind wandered. “It is kind of crazy, isn’t it…? I thought I’d always be the only one that could understand the sheer magnitude of how it feels to try to live up to Celestia…!”
She looked down past the ring, to the girl in question. “...But I guess I’m not alone…!” And with that, she looked back down pensively. “...And ruling alone… Would be just awful… So much pressure… And lonely too…!”
“Sunset Shimmer is an invaluable member of our team. She’s the leader.” Twilight carefully adjusted her glasses, while looking down. “Yes, of course I’m upset at the chance to lose her– We all are. She’s done so much for all of us, she’s irreplaceable.”
Pinkie was now sharing an entire tissue box with Applejack. “I-I’m getting sad flashbacks… Sadbacks!!” She tooted her nose loudly as they all watched the two Celestia’s exchange blows. “R-remember when Wallflower erased our memories of Sunset?!”
“I do recall that, yes.” Twilight folded her arms close, uncomfortably. “It was both euphoric and horrifying to have the memories of someone so special returned to us.”
“Y-yeah!!” Once more Pinkie wiped her tears. “B-because like, for a full day, we were just– So okay and comfortable in a world without Sunset Shimmer!! Her absence DIDN’T HURT US SOMEHOW, AND THAT JUST MAKES IT HURT MORE NOW!!”
“Let’s not keep going down memory lane, Pinkie.” The human Twilight shook her head, dismissing the sobs, averting thinking about the twisted day.
Pensively, she watched the fate of her friend continue to play out below.
A slight smile appeared on her lips, as she fidgeted with her hair, addressing the camera. “The first time I met Sunset… She literally transformed into an angel to save me from being an evil demoness. F-first impressions don’t get much better than that…!” A slight flush appeared in her cheeks, as she looked to the ground. “...Losing her is not an option.”
The Principal suplexed her counterpart once more, this time, immediately pinned her counterpart’s head down, and restrained the closest limbs.
“Ohhh that’s a pin!!” The dragon shouted out in excitement. “Countdown, everypony!!”
Ten excruciating seconds passed with the human receiving strike after strike of both wing and hooves, where she refused to move, continuing to pin her counterpart, until the bell rung.
The crowd erupted in a cheer, and she wearily stood, painfully stretching, while her counterpart groaned in frustration.
“AND THAT’S A TIE! ROUND TWO’S VICTORY GOES OUT FOR PRINCIPAL CELESTIA!!” With a first raised, she reveled in the victory, as the crowd applauded and cheered.
Both Celestias leaned on their respective sides of the arena, weary, bruised, and with shared exhaustion.
“About ready to give in?” The vice-principal handed her sister a water bottle, raising a judgemental eyebrow.
“Hardly.” She huffed, taking a long drink. “This is close to ending, yes. And I'll make sure we win. Sunset deserves the right to be in a warm comfortable home with people that love her…”
“...Yeah?”
“And we are that home. That’s not about to change.” She pouted, and her sister groaned in annoyance.
“You were so close, sis.”
“Have you met your match, sister?” Princess Luna raised a judgemental eyebrow, handing her sister a water bottle.
“Hardly.” The alicorn huffed, taking a long drink. “Next round is definitive. I love Sunset with all my heart, and she deserves the warmth and comfort of a truly loving home…!”
“...Indeed…?”
“And her home is in Equestria with us. That is not about to change.” She pouted, and her sister rolled her eyes.
The two Lunas met in the middle, sharing knowing glances. “And they say WE are the stubborn ones.”
“Gosh Spike. I dunno about you, but I got shivers.” The dragon could barely contain his giddiness. “This is SO epic!!”
“You got it right, buddy!! The two combatants have looked better, that’s for sure! They seem super banged up– Are the human’s pants coming off?”
The Principal’s pants were indeed torn and shredded from the scuffle. “...Come to think of it, is she wearing bell bottoms?” The dog tilted his head in confusion. “The 60s called. And they don’t know how to use phones. Woof!”
“Okay, but let’s set something straight.” The dragon clasped his hands together. “If her pants come off, we’re canceling the round.”
“BUZZKILLS!!” The two Rainbows yelled out in stereo from their respective stands, and were slapped in the back of their heads by their respective Applejacks.
“Enough stalling!” Princess Celestia bellowed. “Let us END THIS!!”
“I couldn’t agree more.” The Principal cracked her knuckles and prepared to charge.
And this time, they did not wait for the Spikes to announce anything, they tackled each other fiercely then and there.
The impact made the arena shudder, as everyone watched in awed silence.
The scuffle was wild this time. There was biting, slapping, even ear pulling– The Spikes couldn’t even narrate what was happening, as the tangled mess continued.
And like they had predicted, the Principal’s pants did get torn– And with her pockets shredded, her wallet tumbled onto the arena.
“O-oh! Excuse me!” She raised a finger, and the fighting ceased immediately, as the Princess nodded. With a slight limp, the Principal went over to the now open wallet.
“Oh my! Are those pictures of Sunset?!” Celestia couldn’t help but look over her shoulder, with a true giddy smile, emphatically pointing with a wing.
“Why, yes they are! Let me show you!” The entire crowd got confused as the fighting ceased completely for the two Celestias to look at pictures together.
“Oh my goodness, that jacket is too big for her!” The Princess amused herself, giggling.
“Oh yes, this was when Luna lent her one of her old jackets– Sunset grew into it, but I found it too adorable not to immortalize. Oh! Look at this one!!” She fished out a picture, and they both giggled together. “She tried claiming that she did not chew her hair in her sleep– And I proved her wrong by taking this picture.”
With delighted laughter, the Princess quickly manifested a purse from her horn, and fished out her own wallet, and with it, her own pictures.
“Behold!! She did it as a foal, too!” They both ‘awww’d in stereo as they compared pictures of their daughter.
“O-oh my goodness, don’t tell me–” The Principal watched with starry eyes, a picture of a little foal with her face completely messy with pieces of cake
“Indeed! This was her first birthday in my care… It was her first time seeing a cake this big, she almost entirely submerged herself in it…!” Celestia nodded wisely, but couldn’t contain her giddiness. “Look at this one– It was her first time after learning to teleport– She wound up in the tallest tower…!”
The arena was quiet. Someone coughed.
“Um… Ladies–” Spike tried garnering their attention, but was swiftly shushed by both Celestias at once, and he promptly raised his hands in surrender.
“Heh, now we’re talking.” The vice-principal gave her counterpart a side eye and a grin.
“Peace among worlds after all.” The Princess of the Night nodded sagely.
The two Celestias continued to giggle absentmindedly, sharing pictures, and at the same time, sharing gossip and stories of Sunset.
“W-well… This is good news, right?” The girl in question dared to hope amidst this insanity. “They’re getting along, at least…?”
Minutes passed with silence in the arena, interrupted only by the two Celestias and their joyful laughter on behalf of the happiness their daughter brought them.
Finally, after what seemed like an eternity of motherly euphoria, the alicorn and the human hugged, and promptly made their ways to the edge of the ring, smiling warmly at their daughter.
“Sunset Shimmer… Me and my human counterpart have found ourselves at quite the epiphany.”
“So, as it turns out…!” They both sheepishly sighed and fidgeted. “We kind of, sort of, love you equally.”
“So we have come to a conclusion– This fight is pointless.”
The two Lunas rolled their eyes and spoke in unison. “We could have told you that.”
“Be that as it may… Your happiness is the highest priority for both of us.” The alicorn nodded warmly.
“So… The choice is yours, Sunset. Whatever you want, okay? No more fighting.” The human let out a weary sigh.
“Finally.” Sunset stood up, crossing her arms. “My choice is that you two don’t fight, ever, and that we all go out for pizza right now, okay? …After you put on new pants.”
The two Celestias blinked in confusion.
“L-look. I never WANTED to make a big choice between worlds. I love both of them! And I love both of you…!” Sunset smiled warmly right back. “So if neither of you mind, I’d like to continue doing what I was doing, and flip flop between them at a whim. Is that okay?”
The two Celestias exchanged looks, and then burst out into weary laughter, upon the realization of how pointless this conflict was.
“That is more than okay, Sunset.” They spoke together, and invited their daughter into a hug– One she enthusiastically accepted.
“You’re both so sweaty. And bloody. This hug sucks.” Sunset couldn’t help but laugh with them as they embraced her lovingly, and the crowd applauded happily at a decision being made.
“W-well folks… what a match…!” Spike wiped away a tear, as he sat back on his chair. “Truly that was… Insane.”
“You said it, buddy.” His dog counterpart munched on a final treat giddily. “Who woulda thought it would all end like this…!”
Besides them, Discord cried into a tissue, blowing his nose sorrowfully, yet happily.
“Can I say something…?” Princess Twilight, with a warm smile, held a microphone with her magic, and the spotlights moved to her. “I’m so happy that we managed to find a peaceful solution to all this. Sunset Shimmer, as long as you’re happy, that’s all that should matter about all this, okay?”
Sunset let out a weary laughter, fidgeting with her hair. “T-thanks, Sparkles. I mean it. This was a crazy, crazy day, and I’m glad it’s over, but I’m also very happy I got to see all of you together, y’know…?”
“I know.” She affirmed, as her smile got sheepish. “A-and um, what Celestia said did get me thinking– She’s right. If there’s any other pony that is worthy of a shot at the throne of Equestria, it’s you. And… I’m not upset about that– In fact, I’m happy.”
Sunset’s eyes widened as her face flustered.
“S-so, you know…” Eye contact was difficult, but the little nerd managed it. “Whenever you’re ready… I’ll keep a seat warm for you next to me, okay…?”
“O-okay…?” Sunset’s eyes widened in shock and anticipation, with an involuntary grin.
“I have something to say.” All eyes turned to the other side of the arena, as the human Twilight stepped down from the stands, coming closer to the ring, having taken a microphone.
Slowly, methodically, she moved. First, she removed her glasses, handing them to a friend. “Hold this, please.” Then she removed her sweater vest, beneath it, only a button top. “And hold this too.”
Still holding the microphone, a malevolent grin manifested in her face. Two pitch black wings exploded from behind her shirt, spreading wide, rising– As flaming blue halos manifested before her eyes, and a crystal like horn began forming in her forehead.
Midnight Sparkle glared at her pony counterpart with that same eerie smile, as she brought the microphone slowly closer and closer to her lips.
“...If you take my Sunny Bunny away from me, I’ll kill you.”
“OH YEAH?! BRING IT!!” The Princess of Friendship spread her wings wide menacingly.
“O-okay girls, let’s all breathe, and calm down–” Sunset nearly had a heart attack as the two Twilights approached each other imminently.
“Well isn’t THIS a new turnaround?! We might have another show after all, folks!!” Spike yelled out into the mic with glee.
“You said it buddy!! TWILIGHT FIGHT!! Woof woof!!”
The two Celestia’s couldn’t help but snicker, eyeing each other. “Oh, kids…!” They muttered together.
“LOOKS LIKE WE’VE GOT ANOTHER BATTLE FOR SUNSET’S AFFECTION, EVERYPONY!!” Spike bellowed, as the two Twilight’s flared their wings menacingly. “WHO’S GONNA TAKE THE WIN?! FIND OUT–”
“--Next time.” Discord winked, waving it off with a grin. “This is all the time we’ve got, folks.”
The Lord of Chaos snapped his fingers.
Author's Note
IT'S THE FINAL COUNTDOOOOOOWN WAAAAOOOOH
"Of course, I'd love to spend more time with Sunset Shimmer! She's so caring and strong-- I wouldn't mind if she and I were closer haha--It's not like I have dreams of us cuddling or anything!!"
"I have studied Sunset Shimmer extensively and have discovered that she is an ideal partner. I have made charts and much research regarding her, and will continue to do so!"
"WHY AM I SO POPULAR, WHY DOES EVERYONE LOVE ME NOW, WHAT IS HAPPENING--"
Yeah I made those interviews thinking of Total Drama Island's booth lmaoooo
Yeah idk what to tell you this entire fic just manifested on my brain in a single night. Like I'm possessed or something. I'm fond of writing fun little one shots like these, though!
I actually cut out a large section of a 'half time show' where the Spikes got bathed in too much intercosmic radiation and started ranting about Across the Shimmerverse lmao. Decided it was too indulgent and cut it out-- It was going to involve putting a poll for readers to decide what the next chapter would be 🤣
Also I really needed to scratch an itch of writing Equestria girls stuff in between my works-- ESPECIALLY Principal Celestia and Vice Principal Luna after other fics inspired me to make them cooler lol.
...Am I planning on making a sequel with the two Twilights fighting? Lmao, not sure, unlikely. But hey, if you're familiar with my writing, you know I'm workin with more complicated stuff rn.
Hope you enjoyed this insanity!
