Well darling where do I begin? I suppose I’ll make it simple. You see, each Thursday Pinkie and I got together to, ahem, “Eat Cheese” as I want to put it.
Well it sounds a bit vulgar to say it properly. Almost taboo for me to say really. One would never guess that I… Oh but I do suppose I’m getting ahead of myself aren’t I?
What’s that? How could she? Well that’s why we’re having this little talk isn’t it? You’d be able to find that out far better than I. Look, it's Pinkie Pie. You wouldn’t normally think that she could do such a thing, but if she wanted to. Are we really surprised she found a way?
Agreed, a potion from Zecora does seem like the most likely culprit. She likely slipped it into his food. You know she swears to me it was all an accident? I don’t believe that for one moment, and yet I still helped her… am still helping her.
Yes, that is why I’m here now. I’m just as guilty as her on that. Enough small talk then. Let’s get to the core of all this.
As I was saying, one Thursday I was invited over to, ahem, “Eat Cheese.”
It seemed innocent enough at first. Perhaps a way for us to spend some time together after our lives had gone forward at full force. After all, most of us are just so busy. Our friends Applejack and Rainbow Dash finally got married, Fluttershy has her animals and Discord to manage, and of course we come to Pinkie. I must admit I was a bit surprised to hear about her wedding. Don’t think I’ve ever said that before, but alas it is true. She was just so carefree and party-oriented that I…
Well I wondered if she was ready for it. I didn’t say anything about that of course, and well. We know how it went, so that answers that. Hmm? Oh yes and a foal on the way, can’t forget that! It just makes all of this a little more chaotic doesn’t it? She becomes with foal, and then. Well then she goes and does this.
I honestly didn’t have the slightest clue anything was off when heading over, yet when I stepped into her home, I’m not sure how to describe it but I could just tell something had happened.
She… Well she said she had set something special up in the basement. Even with the odd feeling in the air, I went down there. I mean why wouldn’t I? We know Pinkie. Whatever it was might seem strange, but it should be safe yes?
To her credit, she did warn me at the door to the room. Told me not to freak out. I remember feeling a chill up my spine as she said that. This wasn’t the usual Pinkie Pie you understand. She was so serious. So serious despite the fact that you and I both know she had to have done this on purpose. Even if it really was an accident. Walking into that room and seeing… seeing them strapped down like that. The various… let’s say ‘devices’ strewn about. I’m embarrassed to confess that I gasped. They were prepared for my visit I’m told. The gag… the blindfold. It was an alarming sight.
Needless to say I was certainly not prepared for that darling. When Pinkie explained, I just couldn’t make heads or tails of it all. I didn’t understand why she had even invited me over! At least not then, but if this was the end of the story we wouldn’t be having this chat now would we?
Yes, as painful as it is for me to admit I quickly excused myself and ran. Pinkie seemed rather disappointed but I suppose she understood the gravity of what she was asking of me. So she didn’t chase after me.
I don’t know what I would have done if she had chased after me.
So I ran back to my boutique and tried to forget what I saw. To the point that I wouldn’t speak of it. Even though I heard the talk of where her husband had gone off to. How he seemed to suddenly vanish. I believe Pinkie told everypony he was on a trip. I can see why she’d lie, and so. Well she’s not just a friend, but she’s Pinkie! After everything we’ve been through? How could I go spreading the truth if she wanted it kept secret?
So I said and did nothing. At most I tried putting the ordeal to the back of my mind and forget about it.
…
Do you know what the worst thing was darling?
The worst thing was that part of me I found was excited. Part of me wanted to know more. See more of what she had planned. Hearing the reason for why I was there later made it all the more worse on both accounts. That she’d go so far as to ask me for help on that, and the simple fact that I didn’t hate the idea, but I’m jumping ahead again. You see, she sent me another invite. One with the promise of answering any questions I might have.
And so it was the lure of getting that explanation that led to me accepting this second invitation of hers…
Thus one Thursday I was once again invited over to, as I put it, “Eat Cheese.”
I knew what to expect this time of course. The same scene was laid out before these eyes as I entered her little room. It was like the week had never passed. It even smelled the same somehow.
Of course this time I was better prepared. I interrogated her on why, just why she would want me of all ponies to assist her in this… this game of hers.
She told me such beautiful things, you know. How she trusted me. How I was perfect for what she needed. How because of who I am I possessed the best traits for the job. She even told me that she could think of no other pony who could help her with this.
You must understand darling, it made me feel. Well it made me feel proud. Despite the situation, despite the task she had for me. I felt proud that Pinkie considered little ol’ me to be her perfect partner in crime.
Perhaps it was that pride that led me to agreeing that day. Perhaps it was my own buried desire to see where it all went. Maybe I had gotten too much in a rut. Maybe I just needed the excitement in my life. Or maybe… maybe I really did want to help her achieve her goal for the same reason she did.
Whatever it was that made me take that plunge that day.
Well dearie it changed everything.
Once again, I was invited over for the purpose of this “Eating Cheese” ritual we seemed to have instigated.
We both felt like we made good progress the last time, but we both agreed we had to continue. There was so much work to be done. So much more I had to teach. I even suggested some other lessons on another day. Though I’ll speak more on that later.
We had to go slow you see. Too much at once was just not possible. We discussed the ramifications of all this of course. What would the neighbors think? If she’d done anything to keep the police from searching for her missing husband.
She was ever so adamant that she’d keep it under control. Keep it from getting out. She told me the time would come. Till then they begged me to keep it a secret.
So I did.
You know how it goes at this point. Thursday night. The cheese thing, and all that.
On this night, Pinkie was more manic than usual. It seemed this game was reaching its climax. Don’t give me that look! I know what you are thinking! Stop it! You know what I meant! Ahem, anyway it seemed that time was almost upon us. Much quicker than most might think. I’d like to believe it was my help that advanced it so much.
This was big of course. She had a plan, and I had fully given into helping it at this point. We decided there was just a little bit more to go. One last big push if you would. Pinkie and I were both so proud of them. They endured this long, but it was time to bring it to a close.
Dear Celestia… I’m still not sure what possessed me that night. The things I did. I can still hear the cries…
“Well, I suppose that answers more than a few questions.” Twilight Sparkle proclaimed, a rather odd look upon her face. “Though honestly Rarity I have no idea what I’m even supposed to do with this information!”
“Well it’s your fault for insisting that, and I quote, “Hear the full detailed story of what Pinkie and I have been up to for the past month. Don’t leave anything out!””
“Curse me and my desire for knowledge.” Twilight sighed as she jotted even more notes down on her scroll. All by magical levitation of course. She’d never let Spike take a letter about this!
“Just one last thing.” The purple horse remarked, peering over the paper at her friend. “You talked about maybe doing more another night. Is that why she’s acting like a ‘proper little lady’ as they put it?”
“Hmmm okay you got me.” Rarity sipped at her tea, a smile threatening to over take her carefully held back expression. “Every Wednesday Pinkie and I get together to eat cheese, the actual food kind mind you, and I just might use my perfectly honed over the years, ladylike molding to teach and inspire.”
Twilight rolled her eyes. “Of course you did.”
A bit of silence.
“Soooo on the Thursday thing, why do you even know how to do that so-”
Rarity raised a hoof. “THAT dear Twilight is a secret I’m in no rush to tell.”
“But-”
“Tsk tsk! No mean no Twilight darling, don’t make me regret telling you all this in the first place.”
“FINE.” Twilight replied, but it was clear she wasn’t happy. Taking a bite of her cinnamon roll, she glanced at the clock.
“Speaking of Thursday today, it’s almost noon. Did you and Pinkie already conclude-”
“THERE you are!” Said Party pony exclaimed, popping up from what appeared to be a nearby waste basket. Bits of paper still clung to her mane and tail.
“Hello Pinkie, I suppose this means you want me to help you out again tonight?” When you’ve known Pinkie for as long as she had, you get used to these things.
“You know it!” Pinkie seemed to vibrate in place, dislodging all the trash on her, somehow leaving her sparkling clean. “We’ve mostly finished phase one, though I think it’d be good for a short round just to get them worked up. I figure we can take it to the next level tonight! I bought a you know what to put you know where! You want to use it first or should I?”
“Pinkie!” Rarity exclaimed feeling faint. How could she be so open with it in public like this? “What happened to keeping it a secret?”
“Oh they don’t mind if ponies know anymore. Well about what happened to them, not about what we’re doing.” She blinked. “Oh I guess I’m being a bit too open about it huh? I should work on that!”
“Yes you should. In any case we’ll discuss the use of that in private.”
“Okie doki loki!” Pinkie sang before she turned to Twilight. “So you want to know more, right? Do you want to come and take some notes? Or would that be too weird?”
Twilight balked at the invitation, her face burning red. “N-No thanks, it might just be a bit too weird as you say.. I’ll just… get the details from Rarity later.”
“Oh charmed, what a wonderful topic to be speaking about over lunch.” Rarity scoffed.
“Would you rather I actually come and watch?”
“Hmm I’m not sure to be honest. Sounds rather sexy actually..”
“R-Rarity!”
“Forgive me, that is a bit bold of me isn’t it?” Rarity shook her head. “Perhaps Pinkie and her husband are rubbing off on me a bit.”
“Silly Filly!” Pinkie laughed, bouncing around them. “With Cheesey like this, we’ve agreed that she’s my wife. Now come on! She’s really coming around to her new mare body. Just one more bout tonight of you Eating out Cheese Sandwich and I think she’ll finally accept that she likes it better this way! Enough to enact phase two anyway! Let’s go!” With that the pink party pony pranced out of the building, leaving Rarity with her own flushed cheeks.
“Honestly Pinkie, do you have to put it in such a vulgar way? This is why I prefer my way of saying it!”
Author's Note
If you read the horror fic this is a parody of, you understand the play on words.
Reading it I had this idea pop up in my head and went. Heck why not?
I'm so so sorry.
(Please note, I have nothing against the author of the original fic this is based on. This is in no way meant to make fun of that fic. It just gave me a silly idea I had to jot down.)
If you do happen to enjoy it however, I do have a Patreon where I post more crazy genderbend fun over at. Right now we have a 'choose your own adventure' game where a male has woken up as Princess Luna, and a game called "Make a Wish" Were you are in Equestria with the ability to make as many wishes as you want. Come on over if you're interested!
https://www.patreon.com/user?u=119033086
