Being a royal guard was one of the most privileged positions in the entirety of Equestria. It came with great benefits, the ability to protect your home country and the mares and stallions went absolutely crazy for someone in royal guard uniform.
Above even regular royal guards were the personal guards of the princesses. It was one of the highest positions in all the land. Travel the world they said, protect the princesses and get rich they said. What they didn’t mention was the very real risk of being set on fire.
Their armour had specialized heat protective runes and spells cast onto it, but even so Quill Cutter could feel the roaring heat coming off the princess as she threw a tantrum.
Another bad breakup. He knew better to comment on it however. It was one of the best kept secrets in the kingdom, but Princess Celestia had a thing for dating far off princes and even common ponies, but she was also incredibly clingy and obsessive, so it normally ended in heartbreak.
And whenever her heart got broken, Princess Celestia would go from the calm refined Princess of the land, graceful and immortal, to Daybreaker, a mare with the fiery power of the sun on full display.
Her mane was fire. That wasn’t a colourful metaphor, billowing out behind her was an orange trail of flame formed into a mane and tail. Whenever the large white alicorn cried, molten magma would pour down her cheeks and splatter onto the floor, burning pockmarks in the marble.
Quill Cutter’s job was to try and get her to calm down. She had been attempting to eat a tub of ice cream, but it had almost instantly melted away and the tub had then burst into flames. This had only made the Princess cry harder.
“Why… Why didn’t he like me Quill Cutter? How was I meant to know a nine hour mating session in estrus was going to break every bone in his pelvis and lower body? Is it really my fault my ass is so fat?”
“No your majesty. I’m sure he understands, but I am sure you will find someone worthy of your love soon.”
The immortal alicorn that was over twice his size let out a bitter sob. “I knew it, my ass is fat! Why didn’t anyone tell me!”
Quill could feel the unmatched heat of the sun bearing down upon him and he knew that he needed to be careful about what was said. If the protective spells failed he was going to go up like a stack of papers. That didn’t worry him all that much though, he knew the Princess didn’t intend to hurt him, she was just being emotional due to estrus, which was why the rest of the guards had shoved him forward to try and calm her down when he had pointed this out.
“You know I didn’t mean that your majesty. Now, I bought breakfast supplies. Which do you want to start with?”
Her eyes sparkled at the thought of breakfast, or maybe it was because of all the fire pouring off her. He couldn’t quite be sure, but the magma tears stopped, which was good because no amount of fire resistance magic in the world was going to protect someone from having magma dropped on them.
A soft sniffle, then her regale voice found itself. “Breakfast does sound pretty good right now. Did you bring eggs? I could really go for some eggs right now.”
Quill nodded and gave her a gentle smile, “Yes your majesty., eggs, tomatoes, mushrooms, beans, hash browns, popcorn, I managed to get it all.”
Daybreaker brightened up almost instantly and did her best to straighten herself out.
“Well, what are you waiting for? I’ll start with eggs. And don’t forget the olive oil!”
Quill nodded, using one of his hooves to uncork the bottle of olive oil as he stepped forward, pouring a small amount of the oil right onto her regale back. It spread out into the gutter of her back, then instantly began to make a sizzle.
“Now remember your majesty., you have to stay calm or you’ll burn the eggs.”
He lifted one of the eggs up and inspected it, before using his hooves to break it open, careful to not get any shell in it as he emptied it directly onto her flank. It instantly began to hiss and sizzle as it spread out along her back, the bright yellow yolk getting caught in the gutter of her back as the white of the egg sizzled and began to turn white. With the heat she was giving off, they’d be cooked very quickly. He dug out the eggs one by one, starting at the base of her neck and working backwards with every inch of spare space he had.
Soon, Daybreaker had several eggs sizzling away angrily on her back. Her fur didn’t stick to them, it seemed her coat rejected impurities through some very powerful magic. Next was the mushrooms. Her flank still had plenty of room on it, but he made sure to break the stems off the mushrooms and do his best to lay them against her rear.
They were portobello mushrooms, nothing fancy. For a princess, Daybreaker didn’t have very rich tastes, which was quite surprising. He emptied mushrooms onto her flank until he ran out of room, and by that point the first of the eggs had cooked.
Daybreaker was waiting, her face turned towards him and her mouth open wide, brimming with fangs and excited to be fed. He used the spatula to flip the first of the eggs straight into her mouth where she swallowed it down without even a moments notice, vanishing into the pit of her stomach.
One by one, he worked his way down the eggs as they were cooked, flipping them straight into her waiting hungry maw and replacing them with large beef tomatoes that he had cut in two. He emptied pepper onto these, and the mushrooms, then began to launch the cooked mushrooms towards her.
She had no trouble at all in swallowing down the mushrooms, her mouth capturing them and swallowing them whole like she was an Italian plumber. Quill wasn’t even sure if adding the pepper had made any difference because the mushrooms barely spent any time in her mouth before she swallowed them.
Once the mushrooms had been eaten, he had the task of cutting open the can of beans, skillfully using the can opener to get in. Baked beans in tomato juice. Not really his first choice for breakfast, but the Princess was very fond of them. The tomatoes were done, so he began flinging them into her mouth with the spatula, before emptying the entire can of beans directly onto her flank.
Once the tomatoes were done, he stared at the bag of uncooked popcorn kernels that the princess had requested and realized that there was a problem. If he put them onto her back to warm up, they were going to start launching absolutely everywhere and potentially set fires.
“Your majesty., how do you wish me to cook the popcorn kernels? I don’t wish to make a mess in your brooding room.”
Daybreaker gave a laugh, “I had this fantastic idea Quill. I am suffering from Estrus and feeling very hungry, so I had the idea to kill two birds with one stone by using my… Well, my pussy as a popcorn maker!”
Quill had his entire life flash before his life. His entire perception of reality began to crumble before him as the reality he was currently living in hit him like a fist. His first day at School. His first love, his first kiss, failing his grades, the royal guard giving him a chance, climbing up the ranks, all the times he had been hazed, just to now stand here before one of the two most powerful Goddesses in the land of Equestria.
“What?” Was all he could muster. His legs felt weak.
“Using my pussy as a popcorn maker. I can use my muscles to move it around, and then when it goes off I bet it will feel really good!”
He wanted to use all his holiday hours then and there. Quill wanted to go to the guard Therapist and have them cut his ears off and dig his eyes out with a melon baller. How would he even begin to explain to the Therapist just how badly traumatized those words had left him.
He pictured himself in the Therapist office, stood before Lucky Loops, the pretty pegasus pony that he had only visited on mandated checkups. If he could find the words to explain what had just molested his every sense, she was likely to fling herself out the window with her wings duct taped behind her.
His momma had warned him that there would be days like this. He hadn’t believed her. Sure the lads convincing him to drink barbecue sauce with milk and the Sargent making him clean all the toilets had been bad, but this…
But he was a royal guard. This is what he had trained for. He swallowed his heart back down, which was currently trying to escape his body and end his suffering, and forced a smile onto his face. He tried to prevent his eye from twitching and only partly succeeded.
“Sure Daybreaker, whatever makes you happy.”
He wasn’t very happy. He wasn’t sure if he was ever going to be happy ever again. He distracted himself by shoving the warmed baked beans into her maw using the spatula, staring back at the plastic packaged popcorn kernels as he came to terms with what he had to do.
Each spatula of beans bought him closer to the inescapable and terrible deed that had to be carried out. He could feel all his sins up to this point weighing down upon him, and he knew that he was never going to be the same if he went through with this.
Then, there were no more beans, and there was no more joy in his heart. With grim faced resolve he opened the package of popcorn and suppressed a shudder.
“Your majesty., I’m not sure if I should be going through with this… I should at least get some other oil from the kitchen as to not ruin the… The.. Flavor of the popcorn.” He barely held back a gag.
“Don’t worry about it Quill. Just empty it and the oil straight into my pussy. It’ll taste like me anyway. I could sell it! Picture it, Princess Pussy Popcorn! It’d be a hit.”
This had to be a nightmare. This had to be a dream. This had… It took all his resolve not to vomit as Day breaker spread her pussy and presented her flank to him, a magical funnel forming out of magic as he stared at the bottle of olive oil in his hooves.
Could he really do this? Did any mortal really have the resolve to do this? He emptied a small amount of the oil into the orange funnel, which was formed out of his Goddess’s magic, then lifted the bag of popcorn up.
The noise the popcorn made as it slid down the funnel would haunt him for the rest of his days. He didn’t even have time to examine her spread pussy, the spread pussy he would have previously done anything to get a look at.
His hooves were shaking, spilling popcorn kernels everywhere as the Princess gave a soft moan.
“Gosh, I can feel the popcorn sliding into my womb! You’re knocking my womb up with your seeds Quill! I… AH, don’t stop, fill me up! Use me as your personal popcorn maker.”
He wasn’t the kind of pony to make light of the disabled, but right now would be a really good time to be deaf.
She was grinding back against him, and he realized that her tail had brushed against his neck and shoulder, heating the armour there to the point it was burning him. Now the pain of being burned seemed like a pleasant distraction from the reality he was faced with.
Her popcorn filled pussy winked at him, her bright pink clit spilling forward like a precious pearl as juices dribbled down the inside of her thighs and sizzled away. More and more popcorn was vanishing into her vagina and womb, to the point he could see her womb swelling outwards slightly as he emptied the last of the kernels into her.
His goddess was moaning like a slut in heat, her black slitted eyes fixing on him lustfully as he stepped away from her, watching her coil about on the floor, totally lost in the pleasure of her olive-oiled, popcorn filled vagina.
Was… Was this how female anatomy worked? Was she insane, or just quirky, or just…
“Oh Quill! You’ve made me into your personal popcorn making slut! Using my womb as your own personal popcorn oven you naughty stallion. Call me your filthy popcorn maker.”
Quill swallowed a lump in his throat.
“Ah… Uh… You’re my filthy popcorn maker.”
Daybreaker moaned, her pussy winking excitedly even though he was now stood a safe distance away. His shoulder definitely had a burn on it, but it shouldn’t have been anything too bad.
Daybreaker was her stomach against the ground now, still on all fours in her brooding room, which was nothing more then an empty white marble cell that she went to brood in to ensure she didn’t burn the castle down. The only other thing in the room besides Daybreaker and Quill was the metal box he had stored the cooking stuff into.
He watched the strange attempt at an erotic display, it was like she was trying to grind the popcorn kernels into the ground through her womb, and he briefly had an amusing image of them shaking about inside her like she was some kind of over sized maraca.
“I’m your filthy little popcorn slut aren’t I Quill? You love your goddess, don’t you?”
Quill, who had the same blue mane and white fur as every other earth pony in the Royal Guard, currently looked more harrowed then any of the other guards ever could, even those that had served on the front line.
“Yes, you’re my little popcorn slut your majesty.” He said.
Still, at least things couldn’t get any worse-
Almost as soon as those thoughts had fired along his neurons he tried his best to snuff them out before he jinxed himself. He was too slow, as a moment later things began to get worse when the popcorn began to go off inside off her.
It started with a muting popping sound as the first of the kernels went off, but this was only the start as the other kernels soon hit the same internal temperature required to make the fluid inside them boil and rupture outwards. Soon the popping sound was rapidly picking up and Daybreaker let out a whorish moan as she dug her hooves against the ground, eyes rolling back in her head.
Her womb began to expand outwards as she screamed in pleasure, magma tears streaking down her white fur once again, but this time they were caused by pleasure instead of sorrow.
Quill tried his best to not collapse under the weight of the horrors he was witnessing, Daybreaker desperately arching her back as the muted pops sounded out of her womb and pussy, watching her womb slowly grow outwards as she coiled in pleasure on the ground and then rolled onto her back.
“Augh! UGH! OH Quill I’m close! Come eat my pussy popcorn!”
“I’d rather not your-”
He was cut off by a demonic sounding screech as Daybreaker hit the first of her orgasms, and then realized just how bad things really were, and how much worse they were about to get.
Daybreaker was a squirter.
He had thought they were only a thing that existed in porn, but he was proven wrong as Daybreaker glowed a bright white like a supernova, and he was forced to turn away for a brief moment as she dug her hooves firmly against the marble.
And then the burned popcorn was ejected from her vagina. The moment it had contact with the oxygen rich environment outside of her pussy it ignited, and for a brief moment Quill was reminded of fireworks or a meteorite shower as blazing popcorn was sprayed through the air with immense force.
And then it began to bounce off the walls, and he realized that he was in immense danger. He wasn’t quite sure just how much popcorn she ejected from her pussy, but it was with such a large amount of force that it bounced off the walls and floors with ease, some of it breaking apart into blazing embers as he dove down to the floor and tried to cover his head.
Woe, fiery doom was upon him. He did consider himself quite a religious pony considering he worked directly for his Goddess, but as the burning popcorn rained down at him, punching through the heat shielding and bouncing off his armour, he was more religious then he had ever been in his entire life, his prayers going out to any entity that could help him in that instant.
Where the pussy popcorn struck bare flesh and fur it seared and burned, leaving a mark like a cigarette butt. Worse, the scent of burning popcorn and potent princess pussy was filling the air, making him feel like he was choking.
He wanted to go home to his wife. He wanted to go anywhere but this room. Then, just as quickly as it had began, it ended. Quill had spent his entire life training to hide any hint of fear, no matter what foe he was facing down, but as he raised his head from his fearful, quivering hooves, he found that he lacked the will to stand.
Daybreaker had turned back into Celestia, her mane and tail swapping from blazing fire back to a multicolored ethereal mass of colors flowing in a magical wind. She was sound asleep, with her womb still slightly distended and a few pieces of burning popcorn still leaking from her snatch.
Quill Cutter was never the same after that day. It took him a few minutes to find the strength to stumble for the exit, pulling the door open with his face pale and his body lightly covered in burn marks from the popcorn. When the guard outside set eyes on him and peered into the room, the only thing he could do was sigh, staring at the Princess that had used her pussy as a popcorn maker.
“I’ll go get the womb de-popcorner. You take a month’s leave after you’ve seen the medic and the therapist.”
Quill learned two things that day, never to use your pussy as a popcorn maker and that there was a reason immortals minds weren’t for mortal ponies like himself to understand. He’d helped calm his goddess down from her tantrum, but it had cost him dearly, and he would never be the same.
Author's Note
Did you miss me? Sorry for the delay on story uploads, had a lot of personal problems in my life that are now mostly resolved.
