My Little WTF

by Alexstrazsa

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Random, Princess Celestia, Sex, Tragedy, Discord, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Alternate Universe, Main 6, Princess Luna
Length: 4513

Take a look into the mind of one of my friends, who narrated this story for me to transcribe.

This is weird. This is a weird fic. Stop now if you don't want to read something weird.

This is the story of how Twilight Sparkle became Twilight Whore. This was also narrated by a friend of mine who doesn't really watch the show and is generally messed up with the things he says. In this fanfic, you can expect to find gratuitous amounts of sex, poor characterizaiton, terrible names and a plot that isn't coherent at all.

You've been warned.

Published 2011-12-31 04:01:49 UTC
Last updated 2013-03-21 22:44:49 UTC

Twilight Whore

Chapter 1 - How Twilight Princess Became Twilight Whore

Once upon a time in wherever the fuck they are, Celestia Majestica was drinking herself to sleep, and Twilight Princess walked in. She said "Celestia Majestica, you shouldn't be drinking before the party. it's going to start soon."

Celestia Majestica returned with the reply, "Shut up, bitch!"

"Please, Celestia Majestica, don't be so rude to me."

Celestia Majestica said "You look kinda hot." She then pinned Twilight down and nubbled on her neck. After that, Twilight Princess screamed,

"Please, don't rape me! Wah wah wah!"

Then, Celestia said "Shut up, bitch, I do what I want!" in a man voice. Then, Celestia started to get rough. She spanked Twilight's cutie mark with a paddle, making it turn red. Celestia then put on her strap-on - this is when shit gets real. She then said "Monsieur Princess, are you ready for this?"

Twilight Princess yelled "Please, don't rape me!"

Then, Celestia said "Just for that, I'm putting it in your ass!" She shoved her black, twelve inch long, jewel studded dildo into Twilight's ass. Twilight Princess screamed, then cried.

Celestia started to thrust, hard. Twilight neighed really loudly - it sounded painful. Celestia said "Do you like it? My big hard dick?"

Twilight said "No, take it out! I'm bleeding! Wah wah wah, neigh neigh neigh!" Then, there was a knock on the door.

Dike the dragon said "Is everything okay in there?"

And then, Celestia said "Shut up, Dike, I'm gettin' my shit on!"

Dike said "Do you need some help, Princess?"

"Yes!"

Celestia then said "Dike, if you come in here I'm going to kill you and eat your entrails like it's fuckin' popcorn!"

"Sorry Princess, I can't help you. I like my entrails."

“Dike, no, don’t leave me you bastard!”

So Dike left. Celestia then said “Now you’re all mine.” And she started to go harder. Twilight started to enjoy it.

She said “Celestia, whatever your bitch name is, don’t stop this. I love your dick, it’s better than Dike’s! It’s better than Big Mac’s! Please, shoot your artificial cum on my face!”

Celestia then said “You naughty bitch! NEIGH!” in a manly voice. She fucked her a little bit more and said “I’m gonna cum you naughty little bitch.”

“Please don’t do it in my ass, do it on my face. On my face!”

And then Celestia shot the biggest load on her face. Some went in her eye. Some went in her nose. She wasn’t smelling shit correctly. She had to swallow the cum in her mouth in order to breath.

Celestia sighed and said “That was amazing.” She then gave her a towel and said “Clean yourself up, bitch. Now that I have had my way with you, Princess, you may go down to the ball room. I will join you there shortly after I catch my breath.”

Twilight Princess headed down to the ball room. Gayrity smelled her and said “Mmm, somethity somethin’ smells like sex and regret and jizz. This is awful, downright awful. You cannot come to this ballroom like this, Twilight Princess.” She changed her accent every five minutes, from French to Spanish to European to Gay to fuckin’ Black to Hillbilly and the nerdy white guy, of course. “Well ah reckon, Twilight Princess, that we need to mosey on down to get a change. We can go up to my room, ja, then I can see your vagina, ja.”

Twilight Princess said “No! I’m tired of this. I don’t want to be looked at by any of you ponies anymore!”

Gayrity said “Sacre bleu! My my, what a harsh and rude thing to say. I was just trying to help you in your time of need. They call me von jaque de Gayrity.”

Twilight Princess said “Okay, but only if you promise not to look at me.”

Gayrity said, in a southern accent, “Aww man, but that’s the best part. I love lookin’ at naked women, and it makes me think about chicken.”

Twilight Princess said “I don’t care what it makes you think about, you can’t look at my vagina or my breasticacles.”

“Fine, fine.” Gayrity said. “Let’s just go up, I’ll do some math and help you pick out a dress, because you smell like semen and I’ll give you a shower.”

Twilight Princess said “Okay.” And then they headed up to Gayrity’s home.

“So,” Gayrity says, “I make swedish meatballs for you, and you go and shower - clean yourself up.”

Twilight Princess said “Okay.” She proceeded into the shower, turned the hot water on - she liked the hot water. She started to put the water in her gaping butthole from the Celestia dick. Gayrity pulled back the shower curtain.

“My my, what do we have here, my pretty little pony.”

“Gayrity! Get out of here, you promised!”

Gayrity said “But I’m doing some math. This is the math I’m talking about. You plus me equals great SEX.” Then she started to rape her by nubbling on her vagina.

Twilight Princess said “Oh! Oh no! Neigh! Neigh I say!”

Gayrity said “Just enjoy it.” She shook her head violently while nubbling her vagina. Meanwhile, Nefertiti (Zecora) was watching this go on and masturbating.

Gayrity said “Come with me, Twilight Princess. Come with me!’

Twilight Princess yelped “Hurry! Hurry! I can’t stop! I need to come! Do it! Harder! Harder!”

Nerfertiti said “Yes ladies, yes ladies! Ponies! Do it harder! It turns me ownn~!”

Twilight and Gayrity said “I’m coming, I’m coming!” and splashed everywhere. They were dirty ponies and needed a bath. Nefertiti then came on her crystal ball, and Twilight Princess queefed.

Twilight Princess and Gayrity came out of the shower, and Gayrity said “Now, don’t you feel all goooood and relaaaaaxed? Oh god my Swedish meatballs!”

Gayrity tended to the swedish meatballs, that were burnt because they took too long. Twilight then asked Gayrity for advice on the dress. She picked up a strapless purple dress with her cutie mark on the butt. Gayrity was lesbo for Twilight Princess, so she had that in her secret stash with her meth. They left to go to the ballroom together. They never felt closer. They were methed out. Twilight Princess was seeing everything flash before her eyes. Walls were melting, chairs were talking to her, Rainbow Dash looked attractive. Rainbow Dash picked up on her highness. She could smell the high, because she was a crackhead, so she decided to take her chance. She grabbed Twilight Princess and used her Rainbow Dashing powers to get away from there. She took her into the garden and started to nubble on her breasticacles.

Twilight Princess was too high on meth to stop her. She just laid there and said “Please, no, this is the third time today.”

Twilight Princess said “Please, don’t be rough! It already hurts enough! My pride is gone! I’m not a princess, I’m a whore. Call me Twilight Whore!”

And Rainbow Dash started to muffdive the shit out of her. As the muffdiving was going on, Twilight Princess was trying to grab the grass for comfort. Clenching it in her hooves and throwing it on her face to try and calm her down, and try to distract her from the pleasure from her pongina. Rainbow Dash shoved her pongina in Twilight’s face while they sixty nined. Rainbow Dash was doing rainbow queefs in her mouth. Twilight Princess tried to headbutt her vagina but she loved the stench, since she was Twilight Whore now. So she licked her butthole - dirty girl, dirty dirty girl - and then Twilight Princess squirted all over Rainbow Dash’s face.

Rainbow Dash screamed “My eyes! My eyes! You naughty little bitch, you’re going to pay for that.” Then Rainbow Dash orange soda’d her face. She golden showered her. She apple juiced her. She gave her apple cider. It was nice and bubbly - it was like apple cider soup. Rainbow Dash got turned on so much since she peed on Twilight Whore that she came as well. She squirted.

Then she said “I’m so glad you finally got your cobwebs dusted.”

And then Twilight said “I need another shower, thanks.” So Twilight went home to take a shower. Lo and behold, to her surprise, Discord came in. Twilight said “You came back for more, huh?! I’m gonna use my hornicorn magic to defeat you!”

Discord said “My dear, you can’t defeat me. I’m too powerful for you.” Then, he made an illusion. Twilight’s world literally went upside down. She saw ponies walking on sidewalks upside down. She saw castles upside down. She saw buildings on fire. She saw Big Mac neighing and eating hay - turned her on slightly. Discord said “See? I am invulnerable!”

So, Twilight Princess said “Yeah? We’ll see about that!” Her hornicon started to glow, and Discord made another Discord behind her. He made another Discord on the side of her. There were three Discord’s now. One Discord grabed her and held her down. She screamed “Hey! What do you think you’re doing?”

He said “Taking you to the dark side.” And he stuck his penis in her vagina. She screamed because he thrusted so hard. The other Discord shoved it in her mouth so she couldn’t neigh for help. The third Discord made a fourth Discord and they nubbled on her breasticacles. One for each, while holding her. She was trying to move her hornicorn to try and use her magical powers. They made another Discord - that’s five Discord’s, this is ridiculous - that fifth Discord stuck it in her ass.

Twilight Princess said “Man, he really fucked me. I hope I don’t get pregnant. Hopefully, ponies can’t get Discord babies.” She commenced the shower. She got nice and squeaky clean. Then, started to head to Applejack’s house to pick up said friend. On her way, she saw her two friends, Shutterfly and Cream Pie with Big Daddy Mac. She decided to start to head over, until she noticed Big Daddy Mac’s penis was enlarged. Cream Pie and Shutterfly were sucking on the shaft together. Quite the disturbing image for Twilight Whore, especially after what she’d been through tonight. He started to nubble on their manes, because he’s weird - he’s a weird pimp.

They both whinnied so hard the moon shook.

That turned him on so much that he decided to turn them over and fuck them doggy style, one on top of the other, because he kept switching - like a pimp. He then switched between them like a pimp, saying “One vagina, two vagina, three vagina four. Five vagina, six vagina, seven vagina, more!” They both whinnied so hard that Twilight Whore could feel the rumbles in her vagina. She started to masturbate. Not only did she get turned on by Big Daddy Mac and his enlarged penis, but now two ponies were getting fucked by her dream dude. She couldn’t stop herself. She just had to squirt everywhere - trees, grass, gopher holes, bird’s nests... everywhere. The heavens got squirted by her jizz.

Big Daddy Mac wasn’t done yet. He was still pumping them hard. He was railing them so hard they lost their breath. Luckily, Big Daddy Mac was a paramedic also, so after he killed them, he brought them back to life so he could fuck them some more. Big Daddy Mac sure was a dick.

Celestia could hear it from her bedroom in the castle, in her drunken state, drinking scotch.

Luna got excited just from the whinny.

Applejack heard it from her apple orchard, not that far away.

Dike was turned on because he knew Gayrity was somewhere was around and he wanted to get in her - but she was gay

Rainbow Dash kept thinking of what she just did, a couple of hours ago to young, sweet Twilight Whore - how she peed on her face, made that fresh orange squeezed carbonation, and made her whinny so loud - but nothing compared to this. The whinny that shook the moon, shook the heavens, and shook the earth. Volcanoes erupted, dragons roared with awesome, Neil Patrick Harris stood in a suit, glowing, and he even heard it.This was just the beginning.

She kept going, thrusting harder, that time itself stopped for Twilight Whore. Every whinny that came out of her mouth sounded like an instrument - like the Ocarina of Time. Twilight Princess said “Please, stop, I can’t handle this. I feel like my life is over! Please, just stop, I’ve had enough pleasure for one night.”

Meanwhile, Big Daddy Mac was still going. He eventually came, putting the two ponies in a coma - but luckily it was only for a good hour. They eventually woke up.

To Be Continued

Author's Note

This is literally the worst story.

Rapemare Loon

Chapter 2 - Rapemare Loon

As Cream Pie and Shutterfly woke up, they checked their surroundings to make sure they weren’t in heaven after the assraping they just earned from Big Daddy Mac. Nefertiti decided to walk up to them - that fucking bitch - and told them everything that happened to Twilight Princess while they were passed out. She was at home resting from the good fucking she had earned that day.

“The sun is starting to set. You might want to hide,” Nefertiti said. “Rapemare Loon is coming. It is the eve of all eves. The night we all dread.”

Shutterfly and Cream Pie whinnied with fear. They started to run, splitting up. The moon began to rise. As the moon rose, Rapemare Loon whinnied in front of it, as though it were a signal of her coming. She swooped *clap* down. She began. Her first prey was Shutterfly. Shutterfly’s whinnied for help, but there was none to be around. No animal would help her. Rapemare Loon started to nubble. The nubbling began. This is ‘the rapening’, if you will.

Rapemare Loon was so fantastic that she grew a penis out of nowhere. She was the only pony that could do this, which was why she was feared. She’s a hermaphrodite pony - no other pony can do this. She started to nubble on her neck. Shutterfly whinnied for help, but no sound came. Cream Pie was only a short while away, watching in fear. She couldn’t move. She couldn’t speak. There was nothing she could do to help Shutterfly. She was completely useless.

Rapemare Loon decided to nubble on Shutterfly’s mane. Why? Don’t ask me. She neighed, “WHAT DO YOU WANT?” and Shutterfly replied,

“For you to leave me alone...” in that cute little voice she had. Rapemare Loon then shoved it in, violently, while nubbling on her mane so hard that it seemed her neck was going to be ripped out. She began to thrust as hard as she could. Shutterfly just didn’t know what to do. She was crying.

Rapemare Loon said “YES, YOUR TEARS GIVE ME POWER!” and she began to lick them off Shutterfly’s face.

Shutterfly said “Please stop! I can’t handle this. Your dick is too big.” It was a good fifteen inches. She shoved it all the way in. Shutterfly began to bleed. Rapemare Loon thrusted it in so hard and fast that Shutterfly began to hemorrhage (holy shit this is FUCKED UP)! Rapemare Loon put her face down and her ass up, and began to rail her so hard that Shutterfly’s face was hitting the ground continuously. This went on for a good ten minutes. I don’t want to bore you with the continuous thrusting.

Rapemare Loon decided “FUCK IT.” She put it in her ass. She ripped off Shutterfly’s tail with her mouth. She fucked her in the ass.

Shutterfly asked “Why did you rip off my beautiful tail?”

Rapemare Loon replied “IT WAS GETTING IN THE WAY OF MY THRUSTING.” She continued to thrust vigorously, while Shutterfly’s head was hitting the ground. She accidentally hit her head on a rock while she was getting pounded. Rapemare Loon came in her asshole. Shutterfly ended up becoming brain dead (Oh my god who writes this?).

Rapemare Loon decided to spit on her. “DIRTY BITCH. THAT’S WHAT YOU DESERVE.” She galloped towards Cream Pie. Cream Pie was so scared she couldn’t move. She was crying in the feeble position. Even Nefertiti was afraid of Rapemare Moon. She watched in horror to what happened to Shutterfly - she didn’t even masturbate! That’s how horrifying it was. And that was only her first victim.

Cream Pie was next. DUN DUN DUN!

Cream Pie rolled over, saying “Please! You can do what you want with me, just don’t hurt me!”

Rapemare Loon then said “BUT THAT’S THE BEST PART! MUAHAHAHAHA!” She bit Cream Pie on the cutie mark. Rapemare Moon then pulled a marker out of her asshole and drew a mustache on Cream Pie. Then, she used her magic to brand her moon cutie mark on Cream Pie’s asshole. Rapemare Loon shoved her dick in Cream Pie’s mouth, beginning to choke her. Cream Pie couldn’t take that whole dick - she gagged, then vomited on Rapemare Loon’s dick. Rapemare Loon smackadadles right across Cream Pie’s face. “BITCH! EAT YOUR OWN VOMIT NOW!”

She began to eat it, gagging due to how awful this was. She had never been so tortured in her life. While she was eating, Rapemare Loon shoved her penis in Cream Pie’s vagina. She didn’t care about her well being. She began to do it doggy style. Rapemare Loon said to Cream Pie “I THOUGHT YOU LIKED PARTIES?”

Cream Pie replied “Not these kinds of parties! They’re rough, brutal, might get me pregnant and my vagina hurts!”

Rapemare Loon began to nubble on her ear, while rubbling on her breasticacles, while she continued to thrust violently. Cream Pie lost all of her fluids because she was crying so hard. She was peeing on Rapemare Loon. Rapemare Loon was apalled. She began to get more violent. She thrusted all the way, as deep as she could go, to the back of Cream Pie’s vagina. She also held on to Cream Pie’s face. Rapemare Loon continued to destroy her - absolutely destroy her. Her whinnies and cries turned her on even more. Cream Pie just continued to throw up - she lost like 20 pounds from throwing up. This turned Rapemare Loon on so much that she came inside her, filling her womb up full of Rapemare Loon babies.

Cream Pie was crying “I don’t wanna be a mommy!”

Rapemare Loon replied “SHUT UP AND DO AS I SAY!”

Cream Pie said “Will you at least pay child support?” Rapemare Loon laughed, then left. Cream Pie cried and said “At least I’m not Shutterfly.”

Rapemare Loon galloped in the air, because she was a majestic creature, and used her hornicorn powers. She galloped so fast that no one saw her going by. She was faster than the Thunderballs. She galloped to see her sister. She popped through the window, like a creeper. Celestia said, “You scared me, baby sister.”

Rapemare Loon said “I GET THAT A LOT.”

Celestia said “What do you want, little sis.”

Rapemare Loon said “A LITTLE OF THIS. A LITTLE OF THAT. A LITTLE DRINK. SOME CONDOMS - TO FUCK YOU, AND A LITTLE TEDDY BEAR.”

Celestia Majestica screamed “What!? You want to do WHAT to me!?”

Rapemare Loon replied “ARE YOU UPSET ABOUT THE BEAR OR THE FUCKENING?”

Celestia Majestica said “The bear of course! I love sex - more than I love raping young new little adventuring ponies (Scootaloo).” She turned around and put her face down and ass up and said “Enter me, little sis, if you dare! My pussy has traps.”

Rapemare Loon thought about it, and she remembered that her sister had gone through some serious experiments, where knives and shit were shoved in her vagina and asshole. The only reason she was living was because she was majestic. Rapemare Loon didn’t care. She entered. Her shit got CUT UP. Trololololololo. Her hornicorn powers put her back to normal, and she continued to fuck her.

Rapemare Loon got turned on more than ever before, because she was a masochist. She loved having her dick cut up, and Nightmare Loon neighed to the moon, and Neil Patrick Harris was petting her mane. He was saying “It’ll be okay, young one. It’ll be okay” because he is the GOD of Ponyville.

If Neil Patrick Harris and Chuck Norris had a fight, Neil Patrick Harris would win with his gayness. He would have babies with him, because he’s gay. Chuck Norris would be afraid, and say “Hop off.”

Twilight Princess was at home, doing some homework, because she’ in college. She was the dumbest, that’s why she needed to do homework. Spike was trying to help her, since he was the professor. Spike sat there with his suit - his professor suit - and he breathed fire on her notes and said “These are horrible! Make some more!”

Cream Pie walked in and said “You’ll never suspect, the worst has happened! Shutterfly is in the hospital! We need to go and see her now!”

Twilight Princess said “Hurry, lead the way!”

Spike said “I’ll stay here, I never liked her anyway.”

And as they walked outside, Cream Pie turned into Rapemare Loon. It was an illusion! And then she raped her. Rapemare Loon said “Haha! I tricked you! GOTCHUUUU!” And then she STUCK IT IN.

Twilight Whore screamed. Twilight Whore didn’t know what to do. She was filled with so much joy, but she was also filled with so much pain, and sperm, and babies. She had a lot of doughnuts, so she threw up on Rapemare Loon’s face. Rapemare Loon bit her neck off! She was NOT satisfied with the throw up on her face. And then she thrusted in the neck hole that she just ripped open. She neck fucked her.

Twilight Whore was losing too much blood. She didn’t know what to do. She was even losing conciousness. But, Rapemare Loon saw that this was happening and she stopped the bleeding, but just left the hole open, so she could continue to destroy it. Neil Patrick Harris was looking in disgust. He had never seen such a thing in his life - and he had two kids!

Now, I know all you pony fans are kinda depressed, because I’m destroying your show. But I will tell you this: I DON’T GIVE A FUCK! Now, on with the story.

Twilight Whore passed out. The pleasure was too good - she couldn’t handle it, and all of the loss of blood - too much. She fell asleep. Rapemare Loon was bored of this, so she left her there, while taking a dump on her. She poo’d on her face (It hurt to type that). Rapemare Loon galloped away with her maniacal laugh.

And off in the distance, Rapemare heard Rainbow Dash singing the My Little Pony theme song. “Uht, next victim!” Rapemare Loon galloped towards her and pinned her from midair to down on the ground. She may have broken her back - but Rapemare Loon didn’t care. She put her junk near her face, and her penis came out and Rainbow Dash screamed.

“No! Get that thing away from me! I hate the dick! I will kill you! I will rip it off!”

Rapemare Loon didn’t care. She started to teabag her. Rainbow Dash cried. Rapemare Loon got hard - rock hard. She said “I’m going to enter you like I would enter Channing Tatum.” She shoved it deep in her vagina. Rainbow Dash screamed and cried. She had never been fucked before, because she hated the dick so much that she was a virgin. She started to bleed. Rapemare Loon did not go easy or gentle. She did not go gentle with her. She went rough! She nubbled on her hair - yanked so hard that blood came out of her hair. It was dripping down.

Rainbow Dash was crying, saying “Please, stop! I’ll do anything else! I’ll eat your vagina!”

Rapemare Loon said “Yes, beg. I love it when you beg. But you will not get your way! I’ve never fucked a virgin as good as you. Your vagina is the best. We’re gonna do this every Tuesday!” Rapemare Loon pulled out her cell phone and she took a picture and said “I’m putting this on Flankbook - how good you look when I’m FUCKING you, and hopefully I can get a picture of when you lose all hope. You can see it in your eyes.” She thrusted deeply and Rapemare Loon said “There it is!” and she took a picture *click*. She decided “You’ve been such a good girl tonight, I’m gonna give you my babies.”

Rainbow Dash cried, “No! Please! I don’t want babies, ever! They’re disgusting! They throw up, they drool, they look stupid, they’re bald, they suck, and I could get a guy!”

Rapemare Loon ignored the comment and jizzed in her so hard that she felt it touching her heart. Jizz filled her entire body. She was a jizz filled pony. Applejack came in and said “Rainbow Dash, would ya like an apple pie for ya baby comin’ soon?”

Rainbow Dash said “You saw that!?”

Applejack replied “Yeah. It was mighty fine.”

Rainbow Dash said “Why didn’t you help?”

Applejack said “You looked like you were havin’ so much fun.”

Rainbow Dash replied “I said ‘No, please stop’ a dozen times!”

Applejack looked at her and lifted her eyebrow and said “Like Ah said... fun.”

Rainbow Dash screamed “FUN! I’ll show you fun!” She began to pin her down.

Applejack screamed “No! No! Get off of me, GET OFF OF ME!” Rainbow Dash bit her neck like “ARRR”, she’s a fuckin’ pirate. Applejack was oddly turned on, like baby giraffes on fucking Halloween.

Nicolas Cage walked in and was like “I’m a vampire! I’m a vampire! I’m a vampire! Kill me, kill me!” Rainbow Dash pulled out her strapon from her anus and smacked Nicolas Cage in the head with it, knocking him out with sheer force, cus mama told her to. She then put Nicolas Cage right on top of Applejack, so Applejack had no way of escaping. She then pulled Nicolas Cage’s pants off and began to rape both of them with her dildo.

Rainbow Dash then proceeds to put her dildo inside Nicolas Cage’s ass. She began to feel a flame, and her dildo ignited. She said “Ah! My dildo is on fire, my dildo is on fire!” Then, Nicolas Cage turned into Ghost Rider, pulled out his change, and his chains. The change was for taxi fare when he was done with them and the chains were for bondage. He tied them together and raped both of them at the same time. You can say he is... a ponyfucker.

He came inside both of them.

Nine months later, they had Nic babies. The end.