POV: This is my 37th coup attempt in 9 days

by IGIBAB

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Star Tracker, Cozy Glow, Random, Slice of Life, Main 6
Length: 3483

Cozy Glow is trying to conquer the world. And livestreams the whole thing.

One thing fillies don't lack is energy. No matter how much she is defeated, Cozy will run away and come back, often during the same day, and try to conquer the world again.
If she can do it during a livestream, that will be glorious.

Yet another one for the Cozy contest, this time with the prompt "There’s a lot you can do with rubber chickens and carnivorous pineapples".

List of all the Cozy stories made with the prompts

Published 2024-10-06 13:30:00 UTC
Last updated 2024-10-06 13:30:00 UTC

Seven viewers later

The camera is out of focus for a moment, while the stream picks up the signal. A little buffering, the blur disappears and instead a cute smiling salmon-pink face is revealed, looking at the camera she's holding with one hoof. The innocence of the filly is highly contrasted by the darkness surrounding her. One can make out a gloomy background, set in what seems to be an underground room of some sort.

"Hello there, Equestria," the filly says with delight, pronouncing each syllable clearly. "Welcome to my thirty-fifth livestream where I show you how I'm conquering Equestria. Now, I hear what you're all going to say."

The filly takes on a ridiculous face, parodying the complaints:

"But Cozy Glow, how do you know this is going to work this time? You failed all of your other attempts. Also, you're the cutest pony in all of Equestria."

She goes back to her normal face.

"Well, first of all, thank you. And I hear you, you can't be the most evil and threatening creature in Equestria if you don't get any results. Which is why I took things a step further today, I made sure to take some precautions..."

As she says that, the frame slowly slides to the right, focusing on a shadowy silhouette barely visible in the darkness. A click is heard, like a switch-rope being pulled, and suddenly a light turns on, revealing the figure under it. A purple alicorn, tied onto a chair, wearing a horn ring to prevent her from using her magic, silenced by a checkered napkin stole from the school cafeteria.

She looks at the camera with a panicked face, screaming into her gag, swinging on the chair. A giggle is heard off screen.

"Now now, princess," Cozy says with a devious smiling tone. "Don't welcome your subjects like that, you're going to scare them. That's my job."

After the camera is put on some kind of support, Cozy enters the frame, flying to the princess with a Machiavellian cackle, staring at her captive with mad eyes.

"And this time, no party-canon to save you, no amount of dresses to drown me under, and no whatever-Rainbow-Dash-putting-on-her-sunglasses was supposed to do!"

"How 'bout apple-bucking?" suddenly says a voice out of the frame.

Cozy turns around, shouting a confused and surprised "Huh!?", right before she gets hit in the head by an apple, sending her flying backwards and crashing onto the floor. The support for the camera falls over and the stream ends.

The live feed comes back a few hours later, out near a river this time, a large structure in the background with a pile of dynamites at its bottom. The filly is staring at the camera once again, with a grumpy face now spotting a beautiful blue edema on her forehead, as she mumbles:

"Thirty-sixth attempt. This time, I'm at Ponyville's dam, and you won't believe what my plan is."

"You're going to make it explode?" suddenly says Fluttershy, her head entering the frame right next to Cozy, looking at her with a genuinely curious smile.

Cozy moves back with a disgusted surprise on her face.

"What are you doing here!? How did you find me this quickly again!?"

"Oh. We asked Discord to put a tracker on you. It tells us where you are about every twenty minutes, that way we can somewhat trace you, but it's not too easy for us."

"Is this a game for you!?" Cozy says, outraged.

"Yes," Fluttershy simply answers with her naively happy smile. "Could you surrender now, please? I'm really behind on points."

"No!" the filly replies, baffled. "It's not a game, I'm really trying to take over the world!"

"Oh. Oh well, then."

Fluttershy turns to something out of frame, softly calling:

"Go get her, guys."

A rumbling is heard and Cozy's eyes go wide, the camera begins to shake, and suddenly a horde of animals enter the frame, knocking the camera down once again, a cloud of dust covering the scene while the screams of the little filly can be heard in the distance. Then, the stream cuts again.

Barely an hour later, the livestream is up again and, this time, it is in a swamp. The camera is faced with a very pissed giant alicorn, yet it is still Cozy Glow, as she says in a monotonous echoey voice, without any greetings:

"Found Grogar's bell again. I stole Discord's magic after he removed the tracker, that's what you get for messing with the empress of friendship. On the plus side, I'm an alicorn now. On the downside, I can't really do anything with my magic. Should have stolen someone else's powers... I tried to teleport, and now I'm here."

A loud scream from a horrible creature is heard behind Cozy. She simply rolls her eyes, tired, turning around as a giant three headed hydra appears on screen, rushing towards the alicorn. She simply turns on her horn, casting a magical beam at the monster's middle head and, soon enough, its mouth is overflowing with rubber chickens. The creature stops, confused and visibly scared, the heads barely in frame, as the spell keeps on going, transforming its maw into a literal rubberfall. It only takes a second for the hydra to turn tail and run back to its muddy hideout.

The alicorn stops her spell, but looks thoughtful, staring at the fleeing monster.

"Hold on, I think I have an idea..." she whispers.

In the meantime, in the chat, a user by the name of 1luv3st4irsuwu types "Maybe stop broadcasting your plans in advance, dumbass. Make a vlog once you're done, not a stream." with way more grammatical errors.

An undisclosed amount of time later, the stream goes online again. At first, the screen is black, and only a muffled dialogue can be heard in the background:

"Can you hold it in place? Good," says Cozy's deformed voice.

"Sure can."

"Remove the sheet."

"Yes ma'am!"

The camera is suddenly freed and the stream is greeted by a close-up shot of a young colt's face, smiling.

"Hi mom!"

"Get out of the frame!" Cozy shouts, standing behind him.

"Sorry, sorry," Star Tracker apologizes, getting back behind the camera.

Cozy clears her throat, a hoof on her chest. She stands inside the throne room of Twilight Sparkle's castle, standing proudly on the table.

"Citizens of Equestria, I, Cozy Glow, am now announcing my thirty-seventh coup d'état! And this time, with magic on my side, I will be unstoppable! Which is why I am challenging Equestria's most brave heroes to-"

"Dibs!" suddenly yells Rainbow Dash, the camera turning to see her swoop down from a window, charging at Cozy.

The chaotic alicorn rolls her eyes, with a deep sigh, leaning at the last moment to dodge the attack.

"At least let me finish my speech first..."

"I need my points to beat Applejack!" the pegasus says, turning around to face the evil giant filly.

"Gee, that's toxic yuri if I've ever seen some," Cozy cringes, before adding with a mischievous smile. "But you don't have to hurry. I've captured your precious marefriend, she won't steal points."

"Wow, really?" Rainbow Dash replies, pleasantly surprised, a reaction at the opposite of what Cozy expected.

"I-... Why do you sound happy?"

"We get bonuses if we free each other," Dash simply replies. "Also... Is she tied up? Cause every time we do rope-play, I'm the one-"

"STOP!" Cozy shouts with fear on her face. "Just... Just go find her if you want, she's in the next room."

"Sweet..." the pegasus replies with a kind of a creepy smile on her face, heading for the door Cozy is pointing at.

She goes by the door, chanting a little "Applejack, where are you?", only to suddenly yell in terror as she trips over a string hanging in the air and gets covered by a mountain of rubber chickens, the door closing behind her and locking itself.

"... Holy shit, she's even dumber than I thought!" Cozy says in disbelief, before putting a hoof in front of her mouth. "Oh no, I said a swear word! Noooo! I'll never get the partnership!"

"It'll be fine, don't worry," Star Tracker reassures from behind the camera. "You can even say pro-Sombra stuff and they won't mind."

"Right... Anyway, that's one of them dealt with. As I was saying."

She turns back to the camera, declaring:

"I am challenging the greatest heroes of Equestria to battle me! Or else, their country will be plunged into eternal Glowism!"

"What's that?" Star Tracker asks.

"It's a state in which everything will become glower."

"Oh, I see," the colt replies with an improved understanding.

Cozy clears her throat, resuming in a dramatic pose:

"So, come, Elements of Harmony!"

"Very well!" a voice suddenly says. "En garde, then!"

A magically handled foil suddenly thrusts into the frame, Cozy barely avoids losing an eye by dodging just in time.

"Really!?" she yells, scared and outraged. "Murder attempt!?"

"Oh, come on," Rarity dismisses, stepping into the frame, the fencing sword brought back to her side. "That's Sweetie Belle's training weapon, the point is dull."

"It's still a pointy thing!"

"Well, yes, that's the point, darling. I wouldn't have told you that otherwise, it ruins the effect if you know the sword isn't dangerous."

Cozy briefly glances at the camera, and suddenly Star Tracker says:

"Oh hey, Hoity Toity is in the chat."

"What what what!?" Rarity screams, turning to the camera, in shock. "This is live!? B-But my mane-"

"He says he's surprised to not see Rarity in one of her dresses..." the colt adds in a distracted voice.

The mic saturates from the high-pitched scream of panic emanating from Rarity, before she leaves in a storm. The chaotic alicorn lets out a sigh of relief.

"Don't you think she'll come back?" Star Tracker asks Cozy.

"No, I gave Sweetie Belle a note signed by Rarity saying she was allowed to draw motifs on her dresses. And if she tries to clean them, I've put pineapples in her washing machine."

"Pineapples?" Star repeats, uncertain.

"Don't ask too much," Cozy says, looking at the camera. "They could be listening, remember?"

"Okay, boss!"

"Someone said apples?" Applejack asks.

"Alright, this type of entrance is starting to get ridiculous..." Cozy sighs, before a rope suddenly goes around her, pulling the alicorn out of the frame.

"Not so tough now, aren't ya?"

"Yes, talking about that, you should watch behind you," Cozy warns.

"Ah! That trick won't work agains' m-EUUUAAHHHG!"

The sound of Applejack yapping can be heard, despite the camera now being focused on an empty part of the throne room. Biting sounds, farmland cuss words and Cozy's mocking echoes, as Star comments from behind the camera:

"Oh... Oh that's gotta hurt. Oh no! Don't bite there, don't-Ouch! Poor Applejack... Watch out, Cozy, they're getting to you!"

"Oof! Get off of me, I made you, you dumb things!"

The alicorn reappears in the frame, shaking her hind leg to try and get rid of a devilish carnivorous fruit given life by twisted magic. She kicks it out, before shouting at Applejack:

"Also, I said pineapples, not apples, you IFreak!"

"Apples shouldn't be comin' from pines!" the farm mare screams, her voice becoming distant, before a door is shut closed.

"Oh hey, she actually went into the room you had planned for her," Star notices.

"Of course," Cozy pretentiously says. "I've sprayed apple perfume in the room before, she got attracted to it."

"... Why do you make it sound like she's a dog or something?"

Cozy's face becomes slightly annoyed as she stares at the camera.

"Don't talk about dogs, Fluttershy is going to appear out of nowhere like all the others."

"Oh, hum..." a little voice suddenly says, getting Cozy to roll her eyes out of sheer exasperation. "I would never do that, but I can get out, come back and try this instead if you want..."

"Why are you acting shy suddenly!?" Cozy shouts, outraged, raising one leg in the air. "You weren't earlier on!"

"Well, it's just..." Fluttershy says, out of the frame. "You're big now, and your eyes are red, it's a lot scarier..."

Cozy's expression shifts to unimpressed, raising an eyebrow, staring at Fluttershy.

"Oh, so you're actually racist, huh?"

"W-What? B-But I- No, it's just- I-"

"It's fine, I should have known," Cozy interrupts, waiving an annoyed hoof. "Just, go into that room over there and take care of the chicken."

"T-The chicken?" Fluttershy questions, sounding suddenly a lot more interested.

"Yes, yes," the alicorn quickly follows with an uncaring and busy tone. "It's very sick, and so is its friend."

"Oooh... But Twilight said no one should bring animals in the castle..."

An intrigued Fluttershy walks into the frame for just a few seconds, her eyes drawn on the door designated by Cozy. After it shuts close, the look on Cozy Glow's face only grows more confused and a bit ashamed. She scratches her head nervously, thinking.

"Something's wrong?" Star asks.

"I feel like I'm trapping toddlers..." she answers, unsure of it all. "How is this my thirty-seventh attempt? They're not bright at all. I thought... I thought they would..."

"Well, you have another occasion right in front of you!" an overly joyed and eager voice echoes in the room. "For I, Pinkie Pie, is your next foe, with my trusted party-"

Cozy distractedly tosses a rubber chicken towards the voice, who suddenly says "Oh hey! It's Boneless' brother!" before being followed by the sound of another door shutting and locking itself.

"Right so..." Cozy starts, still hesitant, as if her worldview was crumbling down. "That's five of them, right? It happened so fast, I'm... I'm not even sure this is worth it, honestly. Is it because they underestimate me?"

"Aw, come on," Star says to cheer her up. "You have a world to dominate! If you beat princess Twilight, you'll be victorious!"

"Yes, but I don't really have a plan to- Oh, princess!"

Cozy looks towards the entrance of the throne room, surprised that, for once, she notices her opponent beforehand.

"Princess!" Star shouts, overly happy, shifting the camera slightly.

"I don't know how you managed to beat all of my friends," Twilight says, entering the frame with a resolved and serious face. "Or find back an alicorn appearance. But this stops here. You went too far this time, I won't let you get away."

"Gee, fooling your friends is a more reprehensible offense than capturing you and tying you up in a cave?" Cozy says, arching an eyebrow. "Or is it the alicorn thing?"

"Hey princess!" Star immediately follows, probably waiving a hoof judging by how much the screen shakes.

Twilight squints, looking at the colt near the camera, having a hard time to remember.

"Who are you again...?" she asks, before shaking her head, focusing back on Cozy and the danger at hooves. "You've done this for too long, Cozy. I gave you the chance to change, multiple times, but you've shown you're incapable of-"

As she continues her speech about putting her back in prison, Cozy rolls her eyes once more, running a real risk of getting a cramp in them, letting out a long and bored sigh. By the looks of it, it pisses Twilight even more. She turns on her horn, ready to fire a spell, shouting:

"Is that your intent, making me look bad in front of your stream with seven viewers!? Showing the Princess of Friendship on the brink of losing it because of all your incessant antics for the past few days, while I still have all my paperwork to do!?"

"I told you, I don't have a plan," Cozy simply answers, almost shrugging. "But yes, if I can humiliate you on live, that'll be great for my future world-domination propaganda. Also, I'll have you know, seven viewers is a lot in the currently saturated streaming market."

"Then fight me in a magic duel! Your borrowed power won't help you!"

The tall alicorn simply raises a hoof, tempering the princess' expectations.

"I can't manipulate my magic beyond making some goofy things. I couldn't blast a fly if I wanted to."

Twilight frowns, her horn still ready to go.

"Then surrender."

Cozy sighs, rubbing her mane with one hoof, saying:

"Yeah, I guess I don't really have another choice against a powerful alicorn such as y-Just kidding! Grogar's bell!"

She pulls the bell out of her mane and points it towards Twilight, making it ring. The sound echoes and the princess screams, trying to move back, but her magic gets swallowed all the same. She falls on her rump, confused and scared, as Cozy loses herself in a maniacal laugh.

"You fool!" she shouts with a wide crazy smile, leaning over the hunched princess. "You should have been watching my stream, you would have known!"

"B-But I thought we hid the bell!" Twilight objects, terrified and lost.

"Not well enough," Cozy cackles, pointing the bell at herself to switch her magic for a more controllable one.

Her alicorn appearance changes, getting back to the cute little face of a filly, which she rubs with relief.

"Much better..." she says, before focusing on the princess again, with a cruel smirk. "Golly, what should I do with you? Oh, right, I know."

She turns to the camera, following:

"She's all yours, Star. Have fun with your favorite princess, and thank you for holding the phone."

Cozy's horn illuminates as she picks up the camera from Star's hooves, all the while Twilight's eyes are getting filled with even more terror. The sound of the young stallion galloping towards her can be heard, but the angle changes as Cozy simply exits the room, filming herself with a smug face.

"You can help me makeover!" the colt happily says. "And then we'll read your favorite books together!"

"No! No! NO! Aaaaah!" Twilight screams in the background.

Cozy flies towards the exit of the castle with a little giggle, telling to her stream:

"So, I guess I should proclaim myself Empress of Equestria now, shouldn't I?"

She arrives outside, under a bright sun. She takes in a deep and satisfied breath, a large devious smile on her lips.

"Now, for my next-"

A large set of stairs made out of pure black crystals suddenly falls on the alicorn, Cozy disappearing under it, as the phone is dropped to the ground, the camera looking at the sky. It takes a few seconds for it to be picked up by some kind of magic and, soon enough, a dark face with red eyes appears, staring at the camera directly with an unimpressed look.

Sombra looks behind him, the set of stairs still in the background, Cozy nowhere to be seen, then turns back to the phone. A little second of confused silence passes, before the smoke surrounding him forms a large "V" while he pretentiously grins.

"Owned. I told you not to stream it."

"I am now ready to fight you, Co-What is happening!?"

The camera turns to reveal Rarity, in her most glorious dress, wearing an impressive hat and a beautiful golden necklace. She is still holding her foil, a disgusted and guarded look on her face.

The camera cuts.

But the stream doesn't end. Instead, it switches to the webcams Cozy put in each room to watch over her opponents as she trapped them.

First, there is Rainbow Dash, currently making out with the many rubber chickens laying around her, wings wrapped around them, whispering "Man AJ does have some good friends..."

Then comes Applejack, covered in little bite marks, surrounded in a corner by countless angry pineapples, sitting scared and shocked. She nudges an apple towards her guards, which they gladly devour in an instant. It looks like an arrangement was made. One can only hope she has enough apples.

Third comes Fluttershy, desperately crying, giving CPR to a rubber chicken with all her strength, yelling with tears in her eyes "Come back! COME BACK!", while a pineapple watches by her side, with a worried face.

Fourth is Pinkie, mindlessly staring into the void, nibbling on the bait she was thrown, drool running down her chin, in an eerie quietness.

And finally comes the image of Twilight, dragged against her will into her library for the first time. She clings onto the floor, to no avail, Star pulling her by the tail while happily saying "Come on! We're going to be best friends! I know all there is to know about your hobbies!".

Author's Note

I feel like I rushed the story a lot and, as such, the action is a bit confusing? I managed to correct that a bit during proof-read but I'm not sure it's really as clear as it should.
Anyway. Thank you for reading.