Pen & Note Get Home

by Paper_Pen

Rating: mature
Tags: Profanity, Random, Violence, Death, Narcotics, Gore, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Adventure, Sex
Length: 2113

Two ponies have to get home from the other side of the world, crimes ensue.

Paper Pen and Rock Note wake up in Saddle Arabia with no idea of how they got there and have to make their way back home the only way they know how: with great effort and through very overcomplicated schemes.

Warning: While this story will not have explicit sex and violence, the two main characters love that stuff!

Published 2024-09-14 23:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2024-09-14 23:30:01 UTC

1

Author's Note

Bet you didn't expect to see a new story from me after all these years, huh?

To cut a long story short, I fell out of pony stuff and ended up with the worst writers block I've ever experienced. I've written other things in that time, dipping my toes in to original horror and other genres, but I can't say I'm proud of much of that. It wasn't fun, my perspective on writing shifted from "I'm writing this because I enjoy this, I write what I think is fun" over to "I'm writing this because I feel like I have to to be a serious author, I write what I think is good even if I don't like it".

So, I got super high one night and decided the only way to get over my writers block was to re-discover what I enjoyed about writing. My MLP fics were the last time I felt actually proud of what I made. Pen & Note, OCs I thought up when I was literally 15 or so, they're my muses and they're who I want to write right now.

Enjoy the first couple of chapters, there will be more to come!

1

Paper Pen and Rock Note layed strewn across the floor of an apartment, half conscious but stirring from the psychedelic haze that had trapped their minds in a dark wood of colors and sensation, feelings and words of immense power. Pen's head was fuzzy from his jaw up into the tip of his horn, gray eyes glazed like donuts staring square into the ceiling.

"Totally freeing, right?" Note was finally able to speak, stumbling to shaky hooves. His wings were stiff as boards and extended in an odd pattern. Despite his state, he seemed in a good mood. "Telling ya', if- I mean- once you come down, you won't have writer's block anymore! And there's no hangover!"

"But… what if we're not real?!" The once comatose unicorn suddenly shot up, raving manically, "I saw things, dude, I saw like the thread of everything, I saw all that's animating us and it all glitched it's like- it's like we're a cartoon or something!"

"Nah, that's dumb as fuck." Note brushed the ramblings off. He made his way over to the kitchen, basking the dark room in the dim light of the refrigerator as he searched for something, "Hey, Canvas, Babe- we're out of cider, do you need anything from the store?" He called out to his marefriend, "And I'm like, still really high right now so- y'want pizza? I want pizza-"

A sudden flurry of noise came from the other room, a mess of hooves scattering across the floor in surprise. A face emerged from the darkness, and it wasn't his marefriend. A tall and strong stallion, a horse really, charged into the pegasus, tossing him clear across the room. He yelled in a language Note didn't recognize, and in a sobering moment he realized something he hadn't before; this wasn't his apartment.

"Shit-!" Note cussed. He tried to fly but his wings were still stiff. In a flash he acted, bolting for the door and grabbing his friend along the way, practically grabbing Pen like a limp, very high ragdoll in their retreat. The hallway was unfamiliar, completely alien in decoration to anything he'd seeing anywhere in Manehattan, where the buck were they?! He didn't have time to ponder the question, the horse was still chasing them and yelling, a short kind of sword in his hooves. A window at the end of the hall. Note focused on it, ultra-dilated eyes narrowing in on their target before he leaped, crashing through the glass and plummeting. Note was a bit of a gambler, at least before he picked up that arson charge in Las Pegasus, so he liked the odds that they had been on the first floor. Now, looking far, far down upon a sandy road they were about to crash and splatter into, he realized he shouldn't have. He outstretched his wings, even if they wouldn't flap maybe he could glide to safety-

CRASH! They collided with a wagon, smashing through the side of the vehicle to an audience of very surprised guards.

2

"Hey, this is yakshit!" Note shouted, thrashing wildly while the stallion holding his cuffs struggled to lead him and Pen through a militaristic looking guard-station and into a cell, "I wanna talk to my lawyer, you prick, I got rights! Gimme my rights or I'll slit your fucking throats!"

"Note, as your lawyer I am begging you to stop talking!" Pen, who was notably calmer, if just more used to being arrested, pleaded. "Just so everypony here knows, he's impaired! That's not admissible in Equestrian court!"

The stallion holding Note, tall as the one who had initially chased them out of the apartment building but notably slimmer, paused confused for a moment. "Where do you think you are, exactly?"

"Shit- did I end up in New Jennet again?" Note asked, groaning, "That's the whole reason I quit doing coke…"

"My friend, you're not in Equestria…" The guard spoke with surprise, "This is Saddle Arabia… do- do you not know how you got here?"

Finally the guard wrestled them into their cell, a small holding thing for drunks to sober up alongside murderers who hadn't been charged yet. It really wasn't bad compared to some of the tanks they'd gotten themselves into back home, at least furnished with a single cot and a bench. The pair were flabbergasted, too in shock to talk, exchanging conversation through silent and confused looks.

"So you ended up in a different country on some drug fueled bender, broke into somepony's apartment, and crashed into a guard transport?" The guard spoke for them, "That's… And I thought me and my buddies got up to some shit!"

"Fuuuuuck Canvas is gonna kill me!" Note exclaimed, "I mean this is a big fuck up-"

"Yeah I don't think Smokey is gonna be happy either-" Pen sighed, nervously stroking through his own mane, "We might actually both be single when we get home- actually-" Pen turned to the guard, "Are we going home…? What exactly is the process over here?"

"With Equestria we usually just hand you lot over to the embassy, diplomatic relations and all that. But it's a week of holy rest for ponies who have jobs that actually allow that…" He gave a tired sigh, "They should open back up next week. Until then, you're here."

"Dammit…" Pen grumbled, "Do you take bribes?"

"I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that." The guard shook his head, trying to imply something, "That's taken dead seriously here… dead dead seriously."

The rest of the day was one of boredom and nerves, Pen and Note pacing around their holding cell. The unicorn had nothing to do but ponder their situation and try to do anything but consider the shit they'd be stuck in when they got home. Note was less nervous, or at least he didn't show it, he never did. Only ever getting progressively more angry and silent. Finally, night came. Note had only barely begun to drift off to sleep but still watched the guardsponies from the cot as they walked by, apparently as bored as their only two prisoners were. A black coated mare, her armor more ornate than the rest and a long cape flowing from her neck, wished the guard who'd arrested them a nice night. He answered in turn with a bow before returning to his post watching over them, but he'd noticed something, how the guard lingered by the door for a few moments too long after she'd left.

The sound of strings being plucked in discord stirred Note from his sleep. He just listened for a minute, trying to pick up the familiar tune. Paint It Black. A hum came naturally to his lips, he'd been a Rolling Pones fan since as long as he could remember, he'd even taught himself how to play the sitar parts on his first acoustic guitar.

"Dammit-" The guard's voice cursed, restarting the section of song he had been playing.

"That's not a chord change, dude." Note spoke out into the darkness.

"Sorry, did I wake you up?" The guard asked, "Sorry, shit- I'll keep it down-"

"No, no- I gotta see this through now." Note insisted, "You gotta give it some vibrato, you're switching up the strings when you don't gotta'."

"Vibrato?" The guard asked, "I uh- I haven't learned that yet."

"You haven't? You're gonna need it for this track, come over here." The guard followed the prisoner's instructions. His instrument was an off brand amp turned real low and a cheap Alicaster, but an older one from before the budget models got all plastic and shit. He could work with this, a plan was forming. "After you hammer on that fifth keep it on B when you play the fourth, then I want you to hold it and move the string up and down a little, right?"

"Right-" The guard's tongue poked out of his mouth as he focused, trying to pull off the maneuver. Something about it just didn't work, he was just too quick, didn't let the string play itself. "Dammit-!"

"Hey- if ya' let us out of here I can show you!" Note offered.

"That sounds like a bad idea…" He eyed the pegasus.

"C'mon, it's not a bribe, it's just a favor for a favor, catch?" He insisted.

"Fine- but if you just run off then I'm gonna wake up every guard in this damn city!" The guard unlocked the cell. As Note was leaving something fell from his mane and clattered onto the concrete floor below. Both ponies looked, uncomfortably, at the home-made shank Note had been hiding.

"Ignore that, it was for a way different plan!" Note kicked the weapon into the shadows before pulling up a stool and taking up the guitar. He took a moment to tune the instrument a bit before playing the intro to Smells Like Colt Spirit to get a feel for this tool. "Watch my hoof, alright?" The pegasus began, playing the piece with ease. "You gotta work that vibrato like a mare, slow and easy."

"I'm about as good with mares as I am guitar." He gave a tired chuckle, taking the instrument back and trying the move out himself a few times. It wasn't perfect, a bit too fast, but it was much better than before.

"It's your boss, right?" Note asked, "I saw the way you were with her back there. I get it, bossy chicks- there's just something about them!"

"You saw that?!" He plucked a chord real sharp, the noise making Note wince, "I don't want her to know- not yet- I got this whole plan, y'know? I learned how to make her favorite curry, and now I'm trying to get her favorite song down but it's just- it's not like cooking, there's something about keeping time I can't do-"

"Well yeah, you're overthinking it." Note said like it was obvious, "If you think about keeping time you're gonna trip over yourself, that's the tricky part! Try it again, but think about her."

"No, if I think about her I'll get nervous-"

"Dear Celestia, you're just like Pen was…" Note chuckled, "Don't plan out what you wanna say to her or where you wanna take her out or how you're gonna act, don't think about planning shit, just think about her, alright? The way she makes you feel, take the sound of her voice and you'll get a cadence going and then you'll get a beat to work with. Try now, alright?"

The guard played the part over a few more times before finally playing it perfect. Note grinned, grabbing and hugging the guard.

"I've been trying to do that for weeks!" He smiled back, playing the part one more time for good measure, "Where'd you learn how to do that?"

"A small town with nothing to do and somepony I left it for!" Note laughed, "Right- so I held up my end. How's a pony supposed to get back to Equestria from here?"

"There's no direct line from here, but if you leave now there's a night train up to Mareis then you should be able to get a ride from there."

"You're a lifesaver, dude, really! Hey, can I see your axe for a sec?" Note took the guitar, giving the amp a swift kick to place it by the sleeping Pen and strumming loudly to wake his friend, "Get your flank up, we're going to Prance!"