14: Just Because You're Paranoid...

I crawled through the basement window and emerged into the cool evening air. The last glow of daylight was fading away from the sky, and on the far horizon the moon was rising. Behind me, lights were still glowing in the treehouse, but I could see no sign of Twilight Sparkle or her dragon minion watching me. I took off running down the road, shoving my way past a couple of surprised-looking ponies who were out for an evening stroll.

I could only keep up this pace for about half a block before I fell to my knees wheezing, but when I looked over my shoulder I could see no signs of pursuit. Just the two ponies I'd shoved aside, who were still watching me with annoyed and slightly puzzled expressions. Then, they both shrugged and continued on their way.

I followed the road south until I came to an open square. This was where the market was set up during the daytime, but the stalls were all closed now. I went to the asparagus stall and fumbled at the latch until I got the shutter open, but it had been emptied out for the night. I felt a twinge of anxiety, but managed to force it down.

The layout of this town was a little haphazard, but I'd been there long enough that I could more or less find my way around. I remembered being told that Sweetie Belle lived with her older sister at a place called Carousel Boutique, which I was pretty certain was nearby.

I made my way up and down several streets and had to backtrack a couple of times, but eventually I found a cul-de-sac with a large, ostentatious boutique at the end, shaped like a carousel. My gut instinct told me that this was the place.

I went around the building to the back. I had no idea which room was Sweetie Belle's, but there was a light on in one of the windows on the second floor rotunda. I crouched in the bushes, and began throwing pebbles so that they tapped softly off the glass. Eventually, the window opened, and a little white unicorn filly poked her head out.

"Who's down there?" she called softly. "Apple Bloom? Scootaloo?"

"Pssst! Sweetie Belle!" I hissed, standing up slightly from behind the bush and waving my hands.

When she saw me, Sweetie Belle sighed and rolled her eyes.

"Mr. Rusty?!?" she hissed back down at me. "What are you doing here? You know what, never mind, I don't care. Go away! I'm in enough trouble because of you!"

"Sweetie Belle!" I hissed again. "You have to come down here! It's important!"

Suddenly, a light in one of the first floor windows went on, and a moment later the back door swung open. I ducked down behind the bush, just as a tall white unicorn came stomping out. Her purple mane was in curlers and her face was covered with some kind of feminine beauty goop.

"Who's there?!?" she called out, sounding angry. "Because I swear to Celestia, if it's that ruffian Rusty Shackleford, I have more than a few choice words for you—"

"It's okay, Rarity!" Sweetie Belle called down from her window. "It was just some squirrels! Go back to bed!"

Rarity stood on the back stoop, glaring suspiciously into the darkness for a few moments longer. Then she harrumphed loudly and went back inside, slamming the door shut behind her.

Sweetie Belle peered over the windowsill to make sure her sister had gone, and then turned back to me.

"Just stay there and don't move," she hissed. "I'm coming down!"

With impressive dexterity, the little foal scrambled out through the window, slid down the roof, bounced off a first-floor window awning and landed gracefully in the grass below. She padded softly around the bush and stood glowering at me.

"I'm not supposed to be talking to you," she said, still keeping her voice low. "My sister says you're a bad influence and we shouldn't be friends. So what do you want, anyway?"

I glanced around in case her sister was still lurking around somewhere. Then I leaned forward and whispered:

"Do you have any smokes?"

Her eyes widened, and she bit her lip like she was stifling a scream. Then, she took a deep, calming breath and exhaled slowly.

"No, Mr. Rusty, I'm sorry. I don't have any smokes."

Rats. Well, it had been worth a try.

"Okay, forget that then," I said. "Question number two: can you tell me how to get back to Silver Spoon's place? I don't remember the way."

"What do you want to go back there for?"

"I, uh..." I scratched the back of my neck. It had been almost forty-five minutes since I'd last had a smoke, and it was getting harder to think straight. "I wanted to apologize to her. You know, for jumping her earlier."

Sweetie Belle raised a single eyebrow.

"You want to apologize."

"Uh-huh."

"In the middle of the night."

"It's not the middle of the night."

"That's not the—" she sighed. "Never mind. Look, if we go back there tonight her dad will just yell at us again and we'll get in even more trouble. Just talk to her at school tomorrow."

She turned around to go back inside.

"Wait!"

My voice cracked a little from panic. I was breaking out in a cold sweat, and it was getting harder and harder to keep my convulsions under control. Sweetie Belle paused and looked back over her shoulder.

"Are you really going over there to apologize?" she asked.

"I, uh..." I trailed off.

Sweetie Belle sighed and shook her head.

"I knew it," she said. "This is just more crazy stuff about her being a sideboard or whatever, isn't it? I'm going to bed."

She turned back towards the house.

"Wait!" I cried again, grabbing her by the tail. She made an irritated noise in the back of her throat and glared at me.

"Silver Spoon isn't a cyborg," I said quickly. "I don't even need to talk to her at all. It's her father! It was him all along!"

She sighed.

"So now you think her father's a sideboard?"

"No, I think he's a government agent!"

Sweetie Belle just stared at me like I had bugs in my teeth.

"Well yeah, of course he is. He works for the government in Canterlot."

"No, I mean—"

I cut myself off and took a deep puff, trying to think. How could I explain this to her without blowing her mind?

"Look," I said, exhaling. "You're just going to have to trust me for now. But I think we can blow this whole thing wide open, tonight!"

"What thing? Blow what wide open?" Sweetie looked me over for a moment, and then sighed heavily. "Oh, never mind. I never know what in Equestria you're talking about most of the time, anyway."

"If your planet was about to be terraformed I'd help you."

She sighed again.

"Alright, fine," she huffed. "I'll go with you. But only because you'll just cause more trouble if I'm not there."

She started back towards me, then paused.

"Wait here a second," she said.

She trotted off towards a little garden in the back of the carousel-house. A few moments later she returned with something floating in her tractor beam.

"Here," she said, passing me a small bundle of asparagus stalks. I immediately snatched them out of the air.

"You were holding out on me!"

"Just take them. You get weird when you don't have these things."

My fingers still twitching, I broke the stalks into several cigarette-sized chunks and stuffed them into my pocket. I put the last one in my mouth and began flicking at it with my lighter. My hands were shaking and there was a breeze, so I was having trouble getting it to ignite. Sweetie Belle watched me with a bemused expression.

"...weird-er," she added.

Finally, I had a flame. I blackened the tip of the asparagus, then I took a long, grateful puff. The shakes went away almost immediately. I breathed out a huge sigh of relief, then rose to my feet and brushed off the front of my jeans.

"Alright. S'go."

About thirty minutes later, we were once again crouched in the bushes in front of the path, looking at the dim outline of the Spoon mansion silhouetted in the moonlight. The place was eerily quiet, and all the windows were dark.

"There, you see?" whispered Sweetie Belle next to me. "They're probably all asleep. Now let's hurry up and go back before my sister notices I'm gone."

I scratched my chin, staring pensively at the house. The place did indeed look quiet. Perhaps a little too quiet. I blew out a puff of imaginary smoke and ground out my asparagus stalk against a nearby rock.

"I need to get closer," I whispered, and started crawling forward.

"What?!? Hold on, you can't go in there!"

I felt a small tingle of electricity on the back of my neck as Sweetie Belle's tractor beam tugged against my shirt collar. I looked back over my shoulder.

"Don't you remember what she said earlier in the woods today?" I asked. "About her father having some important ponies over for dinner tonight? Government ponies?"

Sweetie Belle huffed.

"Is that what this is all about?!? I told you already, her dad works for the government in Canterlot. That's why her family is so rich. They probably have 'important ponies' over for dinner all the time."

"Then how come the house is all dark?"

"Uh, maybe because it's nighttime?"

I scratched my chin again, trying to recall exactly what that well-dressed earth pony had said back at Twilight's place:

"Now if you will please return my daughter's glasses, I'd like to be on my way. I have a very important dinner tonight, with some very important ponies."

It had been just about sundown when he’d said that, and there was still light in the sky when I’d escaped from the basement. If I figured about twenty minutes to get to Sweetie Belle’s and another thirty to get to the mansion, it was probably about nine o’clock just then.

"Both Silver Spoon and her dad said they were having a dinner party tonight," I explained. "And when her dad came over to Twilight's earlier to yell at me, he also said he still had to get ready for it."

"So?" she whispered back.

"So, that was only a couple hours ago. Have you ever heard of a fancy rich-people dinner party that was over in two hours?"

Sweetie Belle opened her mouth to say something, then she paused, considering.

"Well, Rarity has dinner parties sometimes," she admitted finally. "And they usually do last a pretty long time. Those fancy ponies she invites over always want to stay for cop-tales and whatever after dinner. They're always talking and laughing and making noise when I'm trying to sleep..."

She trailed off. We both looked back at the house, a gloomy mass of towers and and spires rising up from behind the wall. It was completely dark and silent.

"Do you really think something's wrong over there?" she whispered. It seemed like her curiosity was starting to get the better of her.

"Only one way to find out," I whispered back.

A light breeze stirred up, rustling the foliage around us. Sweetie Belle's tail twitched back and forth.

"I guess it couldn't hurt to get a little closer and take a look," she whispered finally.

We crept slowly forward until we reached the gate. Sweetie Belle nudged it with a hoof and found that it wouldn't move.

"It's locked. How do we get in?"

I lifted her up and set her on top of the wall, then hauled myself over. Then I picked her up and set her down on the other side.

"Right, that works," she muttered.

Now that we were on the other side of the wall, I could see that there actually was a single window on the first floor that had a light on. That was it though, and somehow it made the place look even more foreboding. Another soft breeze stirred the grass, and nearby a rusty old swingset began to creak.

"I don't like this," hissed Sweetie Belle. "Maybe we should go back..."

"We're already here," I replied. "Might as well take a look."

I got down on my hands and knees and began crawling up the slight incline of the yard towards the mansion. After a moment's hesitation, Sweetie Belle trotted quickly after me, staying close.

We crouched down low, just underneath the lit-up window. I put a finger to my lips, and then ever so slowly I peered up over the ledge.

The room inside looked like some kind of library, lined with shelves of leatherbound books and lit by an ornate chandelier hanging from the ceiling. Silver Spoon's father was seated on an enormous couch, next to an earth pony mare who I assumed was her mother. Both of them were drinking wine out of expensive-looking crystal goblets, which they somehow managed to grip with their front hooves. Across from them on another couch sat a refined-looking unicorn wearing a tuxedo and monocle. The three of them were all laughing about something.

Suddenly, a door at the back opened, and another pony entered the room.

"Sorry to keep you waiting, old sport," said the newcomer in a casual tone.

"Oh, that's no trouble," said Spoon's father. "Hopefully you didnt—"

He cut himself off mid-sentence. His jaw fell open and the crystal goblet dropped away from his hoof, spilling wine all over the rug.

"Oh now, darling, look at what you've done," his wife chastised. "You've gone and spilled—"

When she noticed what he was staring at, however, she went immediately silent and dropped her own goblet. Standing in the doorway was... Silver Spoon's father.

The replica entered the room and stood directly in front of his counterpart.

"What in the—" they both said at the same time. "How is this—"

Silver Spoon's father lowered his head, then raised it again. Across from him, the other one did the same. He lifted his front hoof and wiggled it, and his doppelganger mirrored the gesture.

The unicorn with the monocle tilted his head back and laughed.

"Oh, how droll this has all been," he said, in a refined voice that matched his appearance. "However..."

There was a bright flash of blue-green light, and the unicorn transformed into an exact copy of Silver Spoon's mother.

"...I'm afraid we must cut our visit short," she finished, her voice now matching that of the earth pony mare she was imitating.

Before the pair on the couch could even react, there was another flash of blue-green light, and the two copycats had once again transformed. They were now a pair of black, horrifying creatures, part bug and part pony, with bulbous green eyes and flittering insect wings.

The jagged horns on their heads lit up, and Silver Spoon's parents were each enveloped in a blue-green aura that solidified into a coccoon-like sac. The ponies inside struggled, flailing their hooves and screaming in silence. Finally, their eyes rolled back and they went still, each one suspended in the center of a translucent orb like mosquitoes in amber.

I lost my grip on the ledge and fell. I backed slowly away from the window, dew from the lawn seeping into the seat of my pants, my mouth gaping silently open and shut.

"What?" hissed Sweetie Belle in alarm. "What did you see in there?!?"

"Ah... ah..." my mouth continued to open and close as I struggled to get the words out.

"What?!?" Sweetie Belle now looked genuinely frightened.

"Aliens," I finally croaked out.

"What?"

"ALIENS!!" I practically screamed, my voice high and hysterical. "Real ones!! The invasion is upon us! It's every man, woman and horse-child for themselves!"