The Setup

by Mockingbirb

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance, Alternate Universe, Other, Sex, Comedy, Queen Chrysalis
Length: 1815

Princess Celestia finally tells Twilight Sparkle the TRUTH about Queen Chrysalis' attack upon Canterlot. When Celestia tells a story, she usually has a reason, an agenda. This time is no exception.

Princess Celestia finally tells Twilight Sparkle the TRUTH about Queen Chrysalis' attack upon Canterlot.

When Celestia tells a story, she usually has a reason, an agenda. This time is no exception.

Cover image by Background Basset, used by permission.

(I also considered https://derpibooru.org/images/2850759)

Spoiler: one of the truly weirder TwiLuna stories on the site. :trollestia:

Published 2024-09-17 04:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2024-09-17 04:20:01 UTC

Plot is a Verb AND a Noun

Princess Celestia gestured at an old, worn picture book, which lay open upon a table. "Consider this line here. Princess Luna grew angry, because Equestria's ponies loved me more than they loved her."

Twilight said tentatively, "Yes...?"

Celestia asked, "What does that make you think?"

Twilight shrugged. "THIS book isn't serious literature for adults. It's not like the 'Predictions and Prophecies' book that I used to predict Luna's return as Nightmare Moon. THIS is just a silly storybook for foals."

Celestia shook her head. "Being loved was deeply important to my sister. Because the truth is, Princess Luna is secretly a changeling."

Twilight grimaced. "That's not funny."

"I'm secretly a changeling too, but that's beside the point. The important thing is, Princess Luna is and always has been a changeling, so when ponies loved me more than they loved her, that deeply threatened her power."

Twilight glanced down at the book's pages. "So that's why she fought you, a thousand years ago?"

"Naturally."

"And she forcibly lowered the sun, and threatened to plunge the world into eternal night?"

"Those parts might be a BIT of an exaggeration."

Twilight snorted. "Great. So, tell me, what in this old book for foals IS true?"

Celestia turned a few pages, and tapped a picture. "This part here. Where I used the Elements of Harmony to exile her to the moon. But it was for her own good."

"What do you mean, 'for her own good?'"

Celestia smiled. "Have you ever stored food in an icebox?"

"Yes. But so what?"

"If you keep food cold enough, it lasts longer. Stored love works the same way. The moon has caverns where the temperature is ALWAYS far below freezing. If a pony is punted hard enough that she flies up into one of those caverns, her stored love...I mean, assuming she has a love storage bladder...will last practically forever. Partly because changeling physiology is very robust, and freezing the changeling herself helps keep her alive practically forever, even if in suspended animation."

Twilight stared incredulously.

"But, Twilight, even freezing a changeling queen doesn't preserve her FOREVER, only for a very long time."

Twilight continued to stare.

"So when I exiled my dear sister Luna to the moon, I was careful to also set a magical defrost timer, which one thousand years after I'd sent her there went 'bing!' Again, it's for her own good. Nothing is as icky as changeling chitin that's been freezer burned for two or three thousand years. Trust me on this."

Twilight's eyes narrowed slightly.

"Stay with me, Twilight. When Luna returned from the moon as 'Nightmare Moon'...a transformation which was sincere enough, AND as genuine as any shape a changeling queen takes...the whole point was that when a team of ponies who knew the true meaning of friendship 'defeated' her, she would transform OUT of her Nightmare Moon form, INTO somepony little and cute and sad. Into a creature who ponies could hardly help but love at least a little."

"Moe," Twilight said.

"Excuse me?"

"Two syllables: Mo, eh. Fluttershy told me the day after we defeated Nightmare Moon, 'Isn't poor little Luna just SO moe? Although she also has a strong streak of tsundere. At first she attacks you violently, but really she just wants to be loved. The poor little dear. She reminds me of Angel Bunny.'"

Celestia thought for a moment. "Yes. Fluttershy is wiser in the ways of changeling magic than I'd realized. Admittedly, the words she used are strange..."

"They're Neighponese."

"Whatever. But she was basically right. That was Luna's exact strategy in her and my Summer Sunraising Festival 'boss battle,' to gain love through ponies' sympathy for a tragic underdog."

"So she lost on purpose?"

"Pretty much. Although we also had backup strategies in case she won. I mean, some ponies harboring a secret desire to love a strong, domineering mother figure is ALSO a thing."

"But what about the EVENTUALLY DEADLY ETERNAL NIGHT thing? The darkness and cold and famine she threatened everypony with at the recent Summer Sun Festival?"

"We would have thought of something. Some way to handle that, some excuse." Celestia cleared her throat. "But that's not what I needed to talk to you about today. I mean, it's PART of what I needed to talk to you about today, but only so you would understand this NEXT part."

Twilight sighed. "I can hardly wait."

"Since Princess Luna has over a thousand years' seniority over Princess Cadance, when Cadance found a special somepony and fiance before Luna herself did, naturally my sister grew terribly jealous."

Twilight rolled her eyes. "So why didn't Luna just go out and find a special somepony of her own? I mean, that would be the SENSIBLE thing to do."

Celestia whispered, "My sister is dreadfully shy--"

"She didn't seem too shy when she was in her Nightmare Moon form at Ponyville City Hall, and threatening doom for all Equestria."

"When Luna was playing Nightmare Moon, I was hiding just offstage the whole time, feeding her lines and cheering her on. Very quietly. Whispering."

"Hmmph. So why not just keep doing that? I'm sure Luna, her special somepony, and you yourself might experience a truly FASCINATING wedding night together. The three of you."

"I said she was SHY, Twilight. She doesn't mind letting me help her with her lines while she's playing the part of a world-destroying villain on stage...but if I accompanied her into her marital bed, she might find that a bit much."

Twilight sighed. "Fine. Great. Whatever."

"As I was explaining, she finds putting herself out there very difficult. So for her, the easier course was to defrost some changeling eggs, build a hive, and launch an infiltration and conquest plot against Canterlot."

"'Easier.'"

"Relatively speaking. The plot let Luna harvest love from Cadance's beau, Shining Armor, without Luna having to somehow woo a special somepony of her own from scratch. Which for a pony as shy as my little Woona, would be practically impossible."

"You realize...this is MY BROTHER you're talking about here. You're saying Luna brainwashed and mind controlled MY BROTHER. Along with ponynapping Cadance and me, to keep us from interfering with the evil plot."

"Yes, and you're being a very good sport about it, all things considered."

"Please don't tell me that if you and Luna both have changeling magic that feeds on love...you didn't BOTH--" Twilight retched. "Ick! Ick ick icky gross disgusting tell me you DIDN'T--"

"Your brother's love for Cadance is so sweet and pure and delicious. It smells so scrumptious, no changeling queen could POSSIBLY be expected to keep away completely. That would be IMPOSSIBLE. Even though, Luna being as shy as she is, we DID take only separate turns with him."

"You disgust me."

"Mere pony prejudice. But more importantly, now that you understand all this--"

"I don't think I could EVER understand how you could do those things. Even if it turns out you've been telling me a tall tale, how could you even THINK OF such things? Ick!"

Celestia smiled regally. "My dear, please try to see the bright side. The silver lining."

"How could there possibly be a silver lining?"

Celestia took a deep breath. "Twilight, I've been asking around, and...it doesn't seem that you have a special somepony yourself."

"Don't need one. Don't want one."

"Or perhaps you simply haven't met the right one yet."

"You've kept talking about Luna...are you talking about LUNA? Because in this conversation, you have NOT made her sound like anypony I would ever WANT to DATE!"

"Anypony you want, Twilight. You could think up a special somepony of your dreams, and Luna's changeling magic would make that pony real."

"Look, even if Luna can turn herself into a cross between Big Mac, Prince Blueblood, and Rarity, I'm still not interested."

Celestia said, "What DO you want, Twilight?"

"I don't want a special somepony. I like having friends, and two brothers who SO FAR AS I KNOW aren't being mind controlled this week. A loving father and mother, too."

"What about your books, Twilight?"

"Don't you DARE try to convince me by threatening my books! That would be just EVIL!"

Princess Celestia nodded. "Yes, I understand that. Books are very important to you. I would never try to take away your books, or your access to libraries."

Twilight snorted. "I'm sure I can hardly wait to see what ridiculous yet horrible direction you're going with this."

"But just suppose..." Celestia wheedled. "Just suppose...let's simply consider that to be able to turn into any of so very many different forms, a changeling requires an excellent memory. And a changeling queen has the most excellent memory of all. Eidetic, practically photographic. If a proper changeling queen has ever in her life flipped through a book, she can remember the entire document word for word.

"Books," Princess Celestia further explained, "which she read a thousand years ago, but some of which have not survived the centuries since. Books which she saw half a world away, but which have never been brought to Equestria. Books which she can TRANSFORM INTO, any time you like."

"You bastard," Twilight said. "You sick, twisted bastard. You're trying to take advantage of my LOVE FOR BOOKS."

Celestia nodded somberly. "Is it working?"

"You're sick. Anycreature ever tell you you're sick?"

"It has happened a time or two before."

Celestia opened a briefcase, and levitated out a stack of forms. "All I'm asking you to do today, Twilight, is to fill out a few forms describing which rare, exotic, even almost unattainable books you would most like to see. To read. To touch with your hooves. To caress with your eyes."

"You really are an evil queen."

"Any book you can think of, Twilight. Any book at all."

Twilight's eyes grew bright with an emotion that was not quite greed, and not quite lust, but perhaps akin to both. "I've always wondered what was in the Library of Alexhandria, before it burned down. The disputed songs of Haysiod, lost tragedies by Sophoclop, even Platypus's missing comedies?"

"Of course," Celestia agreed.

"Or the Kirinese version of Marco Polopony's adventures! I keep having problems with the international postage whenever I try to order a copy."

An alabaster hoof pushed the stack of forms towards Twilight. "Simply fill in the blank spaces, Twilight. Think of it as a matchmaking service. A matchmaking service for scholars. For bibliophiles, for...ouch!"

Twilight yanked a feather out of Celestia's wing, bit off the tip at a practiced angle, and magically transmuted enough of her own spit into ink to start writing

and writing

and writing

"Oh, my." Celestia blushed. "Nothing warms the heart like an enthusiastic lover, who writes love letters as quickly and enthusiastically as she can, praising her beloved's sterling qualities."

"Shush! I'm busy filling out paperwork!"