It Makes an Ass Out of You and Me

Sugar Belle walked slowly towards the crystal castle, hoping against hope that nopony would notice her limp. As she walked she avoided eye contact so as to not draw attention to her oversized sunglasses that she had borrowed from Rarity. Before she could knock at the crystal castle, Spike opened the door. Sugar Belle tried to subtly hide her right flank from his view after his eyes were immediately drawn to the large ugly bruise that no amount of concealment magic could properly hide. She attempted to distract from the uncomfortable subject. “Hey Spike, thanks for inviting me to your game. I've never played Ogres and Oubliettes before! I hope I won't be too much of a bother while I'm still learning the ropes.” She gave an unconvincing smile.

Spike’s eyes snapped away from the bruise to her face with something bordering on anger in his expression. Sugar Belle took a half step back in surprise at the unexpected emotion. “Yup. It's fine. It’ll be fine.” He said under his breath, more to himself than to her. He hated that his friends had decided to use his most cherished hobby as a pretense for this ruse, but he knew this couldn't go on. Big Mac was his friend and all, and was a great Oubliette Overlord, but he had to be stopped. The dragon tried, unsuccessfully, to seem casual as he nodded the mare into the castle. The unicorn hesitated for a minute, but she knew her husband was waiting for her and she didn't want to make him mad. The two walked in painful silence through grand vaulted ceilinged halls, through beautiful crystal corridors, to a large room.

Sugar Belle smiled to see that all the girls had decided to join their little game as well. “Hey Applejack! Hey girls! I didn't know you'd be here! How fun!” Her cheery greeting died on arrival as she noticed the stern and uncomfortable expressions on each assembled pony’s face. Her heart rate began to pick up nervously as Spike slowly but firmly shut the door behind him, closing them in. “Wait, where's Spike going?” She began to sweat as several different questions came to mind. Everything about the setup was wrong. There was no table, there were no snacks, no miniatures, no board. Even Granny Smith and Apple Bloom were here. This didn't seem like being invited to a game, this seemed like a trap. She tried to dispel her worries. “Where's Discord? Where's my husband.”

All in the room flinched as the mention of the subject of this meeting. All eyes turned to Twilight to begin. The princess inhaled deeply to steady herself. She'd fought dragons and monsters, saved Equestria from peril countless times and had gone through no short amount of emotionally charged situations, yet this was the single most uncomfortable thing she'd ever had to do. “Discord is currently keeping Fluttershy occupied with an ever shifting labyrinth to keep her from murdering your husband. And Big Macintosh. . .” She inhaled again, her tone going from factual to icy cold. “Is under strict royal guard.”

Sugar Belle’s heart froze in her chest, her eyes wide with shock and horror. “My Mac and Cheese?! Arrested?! Why? I don't understand what did he? . . .”

“Sis in lawr.” Applejack said coldly, cutting her off. Sugar Belle was shocked to hear a tremble in her indomitable sister in law’s voice. “Take off the sunglasses.” Rarity laid a comforting hoof on her mare’s shoulder.

Sugar Belle froze in place, her mind simultaneously paralyzed yet racing. “But what about my Husband? Why has he been?. . .”

“Dahling.” Rarity said with stiff politeness, cutting off Sugar Belle’s attempt to distract from the issue at hoof. “I loaned you those sunglasses. I would like them back please.” She held out a hoof expectantly, putting the impetus on the now trembling unicorn to remove the concealment of the majority of her face. Sugar Belle desperately looked from pony to pony, searching for any way to not have to reveal the humiliating truth. All eyes stared in the same cold stern expression. Even Pinkie Pie, who could light up a room without saying a word, stared with a pleading sorrowful gaze. Sugar Belle lowered her face defeated. Her magic surrounded the shades and slowly lifted them off of her face.

Nopony was unmoved by what was revealed. Pinkie and Rainbow hissed in shock. Twilight sighed heavily, her heart wounded at the sight. Applejack clung to Rarity, trembling in both rage and misery. Sugar Belle’s right eyes was swollen, almost shut, the flesh around it so purple on her already purple coat that it appeared almost black. A large bruise on the side of the face led to the black eye. Sugar Belle’s face was beet red, her eyes down cast. Twilight stood, levitating a chair over to the humiliated mare. “Sugar Belle, this is an intervention. We know Big Mac’s been beating you, and it's not okay. All of us have noticed, and we want your word of honor that you won't let it continue.”

The mare’s head popped up unexpectedly, her eyes the size of dinner plates, her face pale. “Wait! You think that he's!. . .” She stopped when a realization clicked in her mind and her face resumed its deep crimson hue. She sat down on the offered seat and held her burning face in her hooves, concealing her shame. Each looked at each other in confusion, but Twilight pressed on. “Well, each of us has prepared a statement. Rainbow you first.”

The pegasus rose awkwardly, almost tipping her chair over in the process and having to catch it. She cleared her throat loudly and held up a sheet of notebook paper in her wing. She spoke like a second grade filly reading a report in class. “Ahem. Sugar. Belle.” She began in a stilted manner, finding that even she had trouble reading her own chicken scratch writing. “At first I didn't understand why anypony would let their special some pony beat up on them. I thought, ‘I know Big Mac’s big and all, but She's got magic and stuff.’ But then I talked to Twilight and she said a bunch of big words that mean you're either crazy or scared, and that it would be worse if we just went in and kicked flank like we did with the changelings, even though that would be faster and more awesome. Uhmm. . . That's it.” She plopped down awkwardly into her seat.

All assembled stared at the less than graceful performance. The wife didn't stir. Twilight cleared her throat to refocus the conversation. “Uhm. Thank you Rainbow.” She muttered only half audibly, “Kinda thought reading all those Daring Do novels would've made you a better writer, but what have you.” She cleared her throat loudly. “Pinkie, you had something you wanted to say?”

The party pony stood and slowly crossed the room to the blushing bride, her face still concealed behind her hooves. She wrapped the unicorn in a gentle consoling hug. She spoke in a low tone, almost a whisper. “Sugar. Ponies aren't supposed to beat up the ponies they love. You know that. Ponies are supposed to love and snuggle and laugh together. I don't know why you've let this go on for as long as you have, but please.” She tried to take Sugar Belle’s hooves in her own, but the unicorn adamantly refused to remove them from her face. “Please don't let it go on any longer. It's breaking all our hearts.” She slowly returned to her seat and Rainbow wrapped a consoling wing around her friend.

Twilight nodded solemnly. “Thank you Pinkie. Applebloom?” She said nodding.

The filly stood up, an uncertain frown on her young face. She looked at the paper she had written and it appeared to all that Applebloom suddenly made up her mind about something she'd been wrestling to herself about for some time. She threw the paper to the floor and bellowed, “Ah don't believe it!” Those outside the Apple family were surprised at the declaration, those of the Apple family sighed, not wanting to have to repeat this conversation.

Granny Smith spoke shakily, “Now youngin, we already been over this.”

“No!” The filly shouted, rushing to the blushing bride and wrapping her forelegs around her. “Ah won't believe it! Ah’ve known Big Mac all mah lahfe! He just wouldn't do somethin so horrible! Ah just know it! Please Sugar Belle! Tell em! Tell em they got it wrong! Tell em mah brother's not a bad pony! Please!” All saw one magenta eye peek out from behind the wall of legs for just a moment, then retreat back into obscurity. The filly took a step back as if staggered. “No! That cain't be! It just ain't true! Tell me it ain't true!” The filly began to weep miserably, Granny Smith having to shepherd her granddaughter back to her seat.

The matriarch spoke in her wisened old voice. “Chile, I been round long enough to see all manner of rascalisms in our clan, but nuthin like this. We Apple wimmins, we takes care of each other. Come foul or fair we’s gonna git this sorted out. Go on Applejack.”

The orange earth pony flinched at being called upon out of turn, but she gave Rarity one more squeeze to steel her nerve. The hearts of all sank to see tears come to the big green eyes. “Sugar Belle. I won't hahde it from ya. I'm sour about this whole thang. Twahlahght says it ain't’cher fault, and Ah know she's pro’ly rahght, but Ah just cain't help it.” Her voice rose in volume and in anger, the quiver becoming more pronounced. “More than once Ah’ve asked if y'all'r okay, if there was trouble at home, N y'all lied to my face! Now everypony in town has seen ya lookin lahke this, all beat up lahke ya are, N how do ya think that makes us look!” Applejack was shouting with emotion now, the tears flowing freely. “Oh I guess all those things I heard about farm ponies is true! They're just a bunch of rowdy good fer nuthins.” Rarity rose and tried to calm her mare. Applejack had to take several long sobs into her lover's shoulder before she could continue. “If anypony else had been beatin up a member of mah family, y'all know Ah’d be on em faster than Rainbow on cider season.”

“Me too!” Rainbow chimed in.

“And me!” Applebloom called out, tears still in her eyes.

“So the fact that y'all’ve been lettin a member uh mah famly get beat up on, and haven't told us! . . .” She had to stop and take a deep breath before finishing. “I thought y'all had more respect for us than that.” She sat down and clung tightly to her mare.

Twilight nodded at Rarity, and the white unicorn spoke without releasing her trembling lover. “Sugar Belle, Applejack is exactly right. It's unladylike to allow such brutish behavior. I simply won't have it. I know it's uncomfortable, but it must be done. Now Twilight has a paper that you need to sign, and we can begin to put this ugly business behind us.”

Sugar Belles face crept out from behind her hooves in terror. “Sign?”

Twilight nodded solemnly and presented the other purple unicorn with an official document. “We need you to formally press charges against Big Macintosh for us to proceed.”

The bride looked at the assembled ponies in desperation. “But! . . . He's!. . It's not. . . You don't understand, we. . .” Her face grew to its deepest shade of red yet and once again it was hidden behind her forelegs.

The princess sighed disappointedly. “Sugar Belle, we can proceed without your signature. It'll just take longer to convict in this case. You'll have to be medically examined, questioned, and appear in court. We want to spare you all of that if we can, but I will go over your head if I need to. Please Sugar Belle. Do the right thing.” All nodded in heart broken agreement.

The door swung open suddenly and a white unicorn came rushing in, panting heavily. “I'm zo zorry I am late! Ze train ran behind schedule! Vaht has happened?” Throbbing Heart, doctor of psycological medicine said over labored breath.

Applejack's green eyes almost glowed with rage, her teeth grinding with barely contained fury at seeing the sex therapist. “You!” She growled, stamping a hoof so hard it cracked the crystal floor. “What are y'all doin here?”

Twilight raised a hoof consolingly. “Applejack, hear me out. I invited Dr Heart here to get a professional insight into the situation. Sugar Belle may be exhibiting behaviors consistent with battered spousal syndrome, Stockholm syndrome, or a host of other psychoses. I want somepony who knows psychology to be present to assist us, and who better than a relationship counselor?”

Applejack wasn't convinced. “You have the gall to bring her here after everything she's done to me and Rares?!” She growled menacingly.

Rarity whispered in her mare’s ear, “Well Apple dumpling, one might say she's what brought us together.”

The orange mare’s face turned as red as Sugar Belle’s. “That ain't the point and y'all know it!”

Sugar Belle’s face lit up with relief at seeing the only pony she knew could clear up this mess. “DR HEART!” She shouted joyfully, rising and embracing the one that had brought her and her husband into a more perfect union.

The sex therapist squeezed back, genuinely happy to see her former patient was alright. “Oh Mrs Macintosh! I came as fast as I could ven I heard ze news! Are you alright? Oh poor baby, look at your eye! Vaht has happened?! Ven I left ze two of you, you seemed to be zo happy! Speak child! Vaht in Eqvestria ist goink on vit you two?”

Twilight nodded sagely, “Thank you for coming Dr Heart. Yes unfortunately we can't get her to talk to us. Maybe you'll have better luck.”

Sugar Belle looked in panic to the assembled ponies, then back at the doctor. She was silent for a long moment until an idea came into her mind. Sugar Belle pointed a hoof at the side of her head, indicating that the sex therapist should speak to her telepathically like she did when they had hired her to help them figure out how to properly have intercourse. The doctor leaned back slightly, surprised at the request. “Really? Right now? In front of all your friends and family. Very vell.” Her horn glowed and all in the room shrank back. Sugar Belle was gesturing wildly like one ranting and raving, but no words escaped her lips. The sex therapist nodded. “Uh huh. . . Yes. . . I zee. . . Oh my!” She began to blush, and all grew concerned. “Ja. . . Oh Ja I remember. I zee. I ZEE!”

All were shocked as the doctor began to giggle. Here! At an intervention for spousal abuse, this mare found something funny. Applejack rose and made the motion as if she was sliding a shirt sleeve up her shoulder, ready to do violence to this disrespectful mare. “Don't vorry mein liebschen. T.H. vill handle it vor you.” The doctor turned and strutted up right to the princess, not a care in the world. “Alright everypony! Zank you for cumming aus, but zis has been a gigantic misunderstanding. Zer is no abuse occurrink. You may all leave now. Goodbye, auf wiedersehen, shoo, shoo, off you all go now.”

Twilight stood baffled. “Uhm. Excuse me doctor! Not to doubt your expert opinion, but I'm afraid I've not been presented with any evidence that clears. . .” She stopped as the sex therapist strutted right up to her and began whispering into her ear. Twilight mumbled under her breath. “Uh huh. . . Yes. . . Yes I remember.” Her purple cheeks flushed slightly. “Well what does that have to do with any. . .” Her eyes grew wide and she stomped her hooves into the table. “You can't possibly be suggesting that!. . .” She stopped suddenly and stared forebodingly at the Apple family. Her voice shrank to a hissing whisper.

Dr Heart grinned lewdly to herself. “Indeed I am. Don't you notice ze conspicuous shape und zise of ze bruises?” The doctor wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.

Twilight stood in stunned silence for several long moments. The room filled with the blinding flash and ear ringing pop of teleportation. All were left in deafening silence for several moments, until the princess returned, two royal guard unicorns in tow, holding a very distraught looking Big Mac in their telekinetic grasp.

“Sugar Booger!” The struggling earth pony cried out desperately.

“Mac and Cheese!” Sugar Belle shouted desperately as she leapt for her husband. The two guard ponies attempted to keep the husband and wife separated, but the princess waved them off. The couple clung to each other like they hadn’t seen each other in years.

Big Mac looked like he hadn't slept in days, his eyes red from tears, his voice hoarse and cracked. “Honey Pah! What's going on?! They dragged me to a dungeon and they been sayin all sort of terrible thangs! Are y'all okay? Do you know what they're talking about?” Sugar Belle inhaled deeply and whispered into her husband’s ear. “Yeah. . . Yes’m. . . Okay. . .” His eyes went wide with realization. “Oh so they think that. . .” His cheeks went a glowing shade of pink. “Oh. . . Oooooooooh. . .” The wife nodded, her blush glowing to match his.

“Twilight, what's going on? I don't get it.” Rainbow called out, giving voice to what all were thinking.

“Guards. Please escort the Apple family out of the room right now.” The princess ordered suddenly.

Applejack shook her head in confusion. “But whah?” She glared. “What did this prevert seducer just tell y’all?”

“APPLEJACK!” Twilight accidently slipped into royal Canterlot voice and had to calm herself down. “I guarantee you don't want to see this.”

The guards herded Granny Smith and Applebloom out of the room, but Applejack firmly planted herself into her chair and set her face defiantly. “Ah. Ain't. Budgin.”

“Alright.” Twilight said casually. “Your funeral.” She sat and spoke to the embarrassed couple in a curt command voice. “Demonstrate.”

All heads snapped to face the princess. “Twah! Ya cain't be orderin mah brother to beat on his wahfe in front uh all uh us!” Applejack shouted.

Twilight steepled her hooves. “I gave you the chance to leave, now watch. Big Mac. Sugar Belle. I will not believe you until I see it with my own eyes.” Her voice froze the blood of all present. “Demonstrate.”

Throbbing Heart pranced in place like a giddy filly. “Ooh! Zis is gonna be gut!” She leapt into a seat beside Applejack, staring hungrily at the young couple. Applejack shrank away from the preverted pony and scooted her seat away as far as she could.

The Apple couple’s blushes positively glowed, but they slowly wrapped each other in their forelegs. “Wayull. . . The princess ordered us to, so. . . Sorry Applejack.” Big Mac called through a bashful grin. Before his sister could question what he was talking about she blushed and averted her gaze as Big Mac began deeply kissing his wife. Sugar Belle moaned into the kiss as his large powerful hooves began squeezing her flanks. All in the room, with the exception of the woefully uncomfortable Apple sister, couldn't help but stare at the burgeoning erection as it slipped its way further and further out of its sheath. Each was shocked to see it just keep getting bigger and bigger, just when one would think it couldn't swell anymore, it just kept pumping fuller and fuller.

Pinkie and Rainbow clung to each other for genuine terror at the sheer girth they were seeing. Twilight subtly bit her lip behind her steepled hooves; her and Celestia had played with some big toys, but this was ridiculous! Rarity politely averted her gaze, fanning herself with a hoof; though she did steal glances here and there. Throbbing Heart relished the memories of the meat log, unabashedly drooling at the precum balling up in the urethra. Sugar Belle lowered herself and began enthusiastically tonguing the long pole, eagerly coaxing it to its full daunting girth. She cast a spell on herself to expand her airways, and to make her jaw more flexible. Just before she could begin impaling herself on the pillar of flesh all in the room were startled by a pop and a thud.

Discord appeared suddenly, looking like he'd just been mauled by a wild animal. Which, considering the circumstances, was not too far off from the truth. “Twilight!” He called out in a breathless panic. “Everypony! We've got to go! Fluttershy got out! She knows me too well! No matter how much I twisted the maze she just kept!. . .”

“BIIIIIIIIIG MAAAAAAAAAAAAAC!!!” The blood of all present froze, each paralyzed with terror at the sheer doom they sensed rapidly approaching them. The door slammed open, the door handle embedding itself in the crystal wall. Each knew how scary their quiet friend could be if her feathers were ruffled, but not one of them was prepared for the figure of rage incarnate that stepped through that doorway. Her face seemed cast in unnatural shadow, her eyes blazing with literal actual fire. The crystal floor under her hooves cracked with every stomp of her hooves. Just before she could spring forward to wring the accused’s neck like a grizzly bear’s, the rampaging pony caught sight of the still very much erect stallionhood. As quickly as blowing out a candle the hurricane of vengeance withered and went out. The rage train stopped on a dime. The poor pony only got a far as, “Oh! M. . .” Before she fainted.

For an overlong moment all stared in shock at the bullet so narrowly avoided. Discord slowly came out of his shock and scooped up the fainted mare. “Well. . . That was unexpected. Even for me.” He looked about, not finding anything more to do in the room. “Okay then. . . Toodloo.” He snapped out of the room, but suddenly he reappeared. He rolled his eyes and said with exasperation undisguised. “Oh and the writer can’t help but make me say.” He gave an exaggerated grin and thumbs up. “Nice cock bro!” The Draconequus dead panned directly into the camera, “There. Satisfied?” For the record the writer was, in fact, amused by his own antics. He disappeared again, the door repaired and reclosed. Even the hole in the crystal wall was restored.

The attention in the room was refocused by the sound of somepony choking. All looked and every face but the doctor’s went red with shock and mild terror. The cheery, friendly mare, that moments before had been too embarrassed to speak, was swallowing something the size of her leg. Big Mac grinned and wrapped a large hoof behind his mare’s head, pressing her nose firmly against his stomach, sending his massive member even deeper into her stomach. “Yeah! Ya lahke chokin on that big cock ya dirdee bitch.” Big Mac growled, holding his wife’s head on his dick, forcing her to hold her breath even longer.

She unimpaled herself and after a cough and a gasp shouted, “Yes baby! Beat me with your huge cock!” All except the doctor flinched back with shock as the stallion obliged. Big Mac simply rotated his hips, sending his dick slapping hard enough against her face to bowl her over. She righted herself and again he swung his schlong so hard against her face that those in the audience could feel the air pressure of the impact as it landed. By this time Rainbow and Pinkie were holding each other, both crying at the disturbing display of masochism they were witnessing. Though it should be said that Rainbow’s wings were at full length, she wouldn't be flying anywhere for the next few minutes. Applejack sat curled up in her chair, her face averted, her hat being pulled down over her eyes and ears. Rarity tried not to watch, but her gaze was transfixed like one watching a train wreck. The doctor had to bite a hoof and cross her back legs to avoid the temptation to pleasure herself to the sight.

Twilight grimaced uncomfortably, more in disbelief than the sex act itself. “And you. . . Enjoy this?” She asked, uncertain if she'd even be heard over the loud slapping.

Sugar Belle had to stifle a moan to be able to answer, “Yes! Sorry to worry all of you. I'm glad you all care so much about me, but i just couldn't bring myself to tell you something so personal!” Her grin at her husband took on a maniacal edge. “Harder baby! I want it to fucking hurt!” The stallion obliged, smashing his meat log so hard against her face that she involuntarily cried out as her face was smashed against the floor.

Big Mac stopped in concern. “Oh, not again Hun! And on your bad eye too. You okay Hun? Mmmph!” He stopped his cooing as a crushing telekinetic grip seized his cock, dragging it towards her anus.

Having been knocked into the face down ass up position had been the mental signal to the mare that it was time to progress to the next phase of their coitus. The slight manic gleam to the unicorn’s eye had become a full blown eye twitching mania. “Fuck me!” She croaked, already busily spreading her pussy juice to her asshole with a hoof. She telekinetically lined up the head of the cock with her quivering hole. “Fuck me baby! Fuck me hard! I've had to sit here thinking about it all fucking day!” The stallion whinnied with excitement as he slapped both petite ass cheeks with his swinging member before plunging it all the way to the base in the tight asshole. The combination of the impact and the rough entrance caused Sugar Belle’s back legs to quiver and give out.

The audience all stole side long glances at each other, silently signaling that they probably shouldn't be watching this. Twilight cleared her throat and called out loud enough to be heard over Sugar Belle’s moaning, “Ooo. . .Kay. I think we've seen enough.” Big Mac seized his wife’s mane, causing an audible splash of fluid to hit the floor. “More than enough. Soooo. . . Sorry to falsely accuse you Big Mac. All charges have been dropped obviously. You two have. . . Have a good. . . Day. I guess.” She understood that not a word had been absorbed by the amorous couple. Twilight decided to give them their privacy and nodded towards the door. All rose and scuttled as quickly as they could towards freedom.

Applejack eagerly made to fling the door open but just before her hoof made contact with the handle, a magic seal appeared, sealing the exit. They heard a blood chilling laughter behind them, and each turned involuntarily, each wishing they hadn't. The mare currently having her guts rearranged was chuckling cruelly in an undertone. “Oh no princess.” She cooed maliciously. “You said ‘Demonstrate.’ And we've only just gotten started!” Each blinked in shock as they were teleported against their will back into their seats.

Applejack covered her eyes with her hooves and screamed, “Twah! Fer the love uh all that's holy, GIT US OUTTA HERE!”

Twilight's horn glowed and faded impotently several times. “I can't!” She shouted in dismay. “She's even blocking out my teleportation spells! I can't even get out of here!”

“You were just gonna leave us here?” Rainbow asked accusingly.

Twilight blushed and muttered, “Uhm. . . To go get help? Heh heh?. . .”

All found they were trapped in the lewd demonstration, and couldn't help but stare, each unconformably aroused at the high impact sexual violence. Outside the door Granny Smith was holding her hooves over Applebloom’s ears while the filly held her hooves over Spike’s ears. The matriarch couldn't help but chuckle to herself. “Heh heh! Just like his grandpappy. Git it while it lasts Sugar!”

“Hit me again baby! Smack my ass with your huge cock! Ah! Mf! FUCK YES! HARDER!!!” Sugar screamed as her husband obliged, fresh bruises already beginning to darken under her coat.

Rainbow couldn't stand the ache in her wings and shouted, “Aah! I can't take it anymore! Come here Pinkie!” With that she tackled the party pony to the floor and began violently making love to her.

When her mouth was finally liberated from the invading tongue, Pinkie shouted, “Oh thank goodness it wasn't me first!” And began shifting to sixty nine the pegasus.

Twilight watched in shock as two of her friends gave into their urges. Her horn may be arcing like a tesla coil, but she would never. . .

“Oh mine prinzess! It it's not safe to be so pent up like you are! Vit magic like yours who knows vat could happen. “ The sex therapist said, already reaching a hoof down between the alicorn’s back legs. “Let mama help you mit zat.” Twilight's eyes went wide as Throbbing Heart’s tongue slipped into her mouth, but she melted into the kiss. Her horn lit and the doctor’s moans were muffled by the princesses muzzle.

Applejack cried out in horror. “GIRLS! WHAT'RE Y'ALL. . .” She stopped when she felt a gentle hoof on her face. The pony she loved was giving her the bedroom eyes that made her not able to think clearly.

“Dahling. I need this.” Rarity said, moving in for a gentle kiss.

The country mare pushed away in shock. “SUGAR CUBE!!! Y'ALL CAN'T EXPECT ME TA. . .”

“APPLEJACQUELINE!” Rarity snapped, not harshly but to be heard. Applejack froze. Her mare using what was not her full name only ever meant she was deadly serious, for better or for worse. The unicorn's face had a stern determined expression as she whispered, “I. Will wear. The hat.” Applejack's eyes bulged, and her cheeks flushed. For reasons she was not quite certain of, it drove the farm pony positively hog wild to see the refined cultured mare of quality wear her stetson. Perhaps it was the fact that in the few times that the unicorn would withstand the smell and sweat of her beloved’s hat Rarity would ride her like a cowgirl. Either way Applejack felt the hat telekinetically lifted off of her head and squarely placed onto the fashionista’s perfectly styled mane. She leaned forward to whisper right into Applejack's ear, “Now Giddyup.” Instantly all other matters were disregarded and Applejack tackled Rarity to the floor.

The four couples made violent love, each feeding off of viewing each other mid coitus, until a particularly hard smack from Big Mac’s big mac accidently knocked his wife out cold. Even through the haze of lust all stopped in concern for the mare. Twilight felt her pulse and shined a bright beam into her eyes, happy to see the pupils dilate properly. “She's okay! I think she's just tuckered out.” She stole a glance at the stallions still glistening meat. “Goodness knows I would be.”

“Wayull The magic on the door is gone so let's mosey on.” Applejack said, trying not to make eye contact with anypony.

“Oh Dahling.” Rarity whispered in a teasing sing-song voice. Applejack's blood ran cold as she slowly turned to look her mare in the eye. “I'm still wearing the hat.” The farm pony snorted at the implied meaning, and the two galloped off to find some private spot.

Rainbow rubbed a hoof on the back of her neck. “Heh heh. Sorry for jumping on you like that all of a sudden. I just couldn't help myself with having to watch them.” Her eyes snapped open in surprise as Pinkie slipped her tongue into her mouth.

“Don't be silly!” The party pony said giving a lewd smirk. “I've wanted to hit that for AGES!”

Rainbow grew bashful, but hazarded a question. “Well, my wings are still stiff. I'm not going anywhere. You wanna. . .” She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. Pinkie leapt into her forelegs and resumed the deep kiss.

Twilight strutted out side by side with the love doctor. “Well I think that about wraps things up here. Apple family, sorry to disturb you. Dr Heart, there's somepony I’d like you to meet.” She teleported them both to Canterlot castle where Celestia was casually reading a book.

“Oh hello Twilight! I wasn't expecting. . .” She was cut off by the sight of the love doctor. “Oh! Throbbs!” Her face flushed and she fanned herself with a wing. “It's been too long!”

Twilight raised an eyebrow in surprise. “You know the princess?”

Throbbing Heart laughed and the alicorns had to bite their lips at the sultry sound. “Oh child.” She leaned in and whispered, “Who do you think taught her everything she knows?”