Second to None, Multiplied by Fun!

by Josh the Pink Gump

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Adventure, Pinkie Pie, Profanity, Slice of Life, Human
Length: 3481

It all started with that weird tattoo I got on my 25th birthday. Now strange things are happening to me, and I just can't seem to make it stop! I never asked for this, yet why does it feel so... fun?

For 25 years, I've lived a pretty average life with a pretty average job. But that all changed starting with that weird tattoo I got after watching Too Many Pinkie Pies on my birthday. Sure, having your favorite pony's cutie mark appearing on your thigh is one thing, but suddenly growing pink hair and a tail? Now that's a completely different story.

A side fic to "Five Score Divided by Four" by Twisted Spectrum, created with permission to be part of its cinematic universe. Since Pinkie Pie was already covered in the original, why not make one for an escaped Mirror Pool clone?

Tags will be updated as the story continues.
Rated Teen for occasional swearing.

Published 2024-09-30 15:30:00 UTC
Last updated 2024-09-30 15:30:00 UTC

Chapter 1: Destiny Comes Alive

May 3rd: Josh's Birthday (ME!!!)
Congrats on making it to the big two-five! :D

I looked at my own handwriting on the calendar and smiled. It was the morning of May 3rd, marking the start of my 25th birthday! For someone in their mid-twenties, most guys my age would be out getting drunk at parties or looking for a hot babe to have sex with. Me? I was perfectly fine with where I was in my life right now. I had a decent job with decent hours, but I've always been a bit of an oddball, I suppose.

Take, for example, my obsession with My Little Pony. Sure, it seemed childish, but it was my comfort show to watch whenever I was feeling down in the dumps. The characters, the adventures, the world-building, it only became taboo because it was too powerful; that's why I won't forget it. Ever since I first watched an episode or two out of curiosity, I was instantly hooked on the show. From there, I've spent countless hours of my adult life rewatching my favorite episodes, admiring all the fan art, and even reading a few fanfics every now and then.

Unfortunately, I wasn't around for when MLP was in its prime. By the time I started watching Friendship is Magic, the hype surrounding it was pretty much dying. After the show ended 5 years ago, the fandom has gone downhill and still hasn't recovered since then. Sure, there were still some people making pony content today, but a good majority of the fandom had moved on, finding other things to do with their lives. Honestly, I can't say that I blame them. I mean, who would've thought that a cartoon show about pastel-colored horses would leave a lasting cultural impact on the internet?

Regardless, despite the shortage of pony-related media, I still managed to buy some merchandise for myself, including my most prized possession: a show-accurate Pinkie Pie plushie. Judge me all you want, but having my own cuddly representation of the bounciest, pinkest pony in Equestria for me to snuggle with was something that I was proud of. I've always admired her infectious optimism, and her cartoonish behavior throughout the show never failed to make me laugh. But to me, she was more than just my favorite pony. She was a beacon of light, a joyful reminder to smile even when life gets tough. And that's what made her so special.

As I finished my breakfast, I glanced at the clock; 6:30 AM. Just a few hours left until I had to leave for work, so I had plenty of time to spare. Fuck it, might as well rewatch a few pony episodes for old times sake.

I got up out of my seat, making sure to pick up my Pinkie Pie plushie on the way. Grabbing the remote, I sat down on the couch, turned on the TV, and began scrolling through the list of on-demand programs. In the background, a local news station was talking about a massive explosion that happened last night in Seattle, but I tuned it out for the time being. From what I heard, no one died, so that's all I cared about right now.

After about five minutes of searching, I finally found the beloved cartoon show I was looking for – My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Without hesitation, I selected an episode and began my pastel-colored horse marathon.

I started off with some classic pony episodes: Winter Wrap Up, Luna Eclipsed, A Friend in Deed, and of course, the Canterlot Wedding two-parter, where I sang my heart out to "This Day Aria," thankful that I still knew all the lyrics. Then I moved on to one of my all-time favorites from the show: Too Many Pinkie Pies. You know, the one where Pinkie Pie clones herself with the Mirror Pool and unintentionally wreaks havoc onto Ponyville.

Snuggling with my Pinkie plush, I watched as the episode played out just like I remembered it: Pinkie Pie worries that she's missing out on fun things with her friends, Rainbow Dash and Applejack invite her to separate activities happening at the same time, and then Twilight tells her that her goal of participating in both could only be met if there was "more of her to go around."

That's when we get to the part of the episode where Pinkie Pie stumbles upon the Mirror Pool itself. Heh, I knew this scene like the back of my hand.

As she gazed upon her reflection in the water's surface, my phone went off, indicating that it was 8:30. Nonetheless, I found myself mouthing along as Pinkie recited those unforgettable words:

"And into her own reflection she stared,
Yearning for one whose reflection she shared,
And solemnly sweared not to be scared
At the prospect of being doubly mared!"

Manehatten was in complete and utter chaos.

I looked out my apartment window and took in the sights before me. The sky was dark red, several buildings were floating upside down, and ponies ran through the streets in a frenzied panic. The royal sisters had gone missing a few days ago, and there was nothing that could stop the on-going madness... Or was there?

As an undercover member of the S.M.I.L.E. agency, I knew that I had to do something about it. But my mind was reeling with second thoughts, each one worse than the last. What if they know I'm not the real Pinkie Pie? What if my cover gets blown and I get sent back to the Mirror Pool with all the other mes?!

I knew I couldn't risk it, not after the incident all those moons ago. That's why I went into hiding in the first place.

Suddenly, the walkie-talkie on my nightstand crackled to life. "Attention all units, this is Special Agent Sweetie Drops!" a familiar mare's voice came through, although it sounded like she was in great pain, "We've got a Code Pink situation on our hooves! I repeat, we have Code Pink! Discord is out on the loose, and he's seeking vengeance! We need all available units in every location on standby, I repeat, ALL available units! That includes you, Agent Pie!"

I scrambled over to the nightstand and flicked on the transmitter. "Agent Pie to Sweetie Drops, you said you needed me on standby?"

"Affirmative," Sweetie Drops replied, "This is a situation where we could really use your help!"

I hesitated for a moment. "How bad are we talking?"

"Well, from what I've gathered, the princesses aren't the only ones that've gone missing," she explained, "Sources from Ponyville and Canterlot have confirmed the disappearances of Applejack's brother, the captain of the royal guard, and..." Sweetie Drops sighed before continuing, "All of the element bearers, including the original Pinkie Pie."

There was a brief moment of silent tension as I processed this newfound information. The element bearers... were gone? That couldn't be possible, we would've known if something bad happened to them! But wait, doesn't that mean no one can send me back now?

It was Sweetie Drops' voice that snapped me back to reality. "Agent Pie, you're the only surviving Mirror Pool clone left. If there's anypony that can keep up with Discord's chaos magic, it's you!" She paused for a moment, her voice dropping to a whisper, "Shoot, I think I said too much. Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned-AGH!"

From the other end of the receiver, I could barely make out the sound of a magic blast, followed by what sounded like maniacal laughter.

"N-No, stay back! Ah... All units, requesting backup! REQUESTING BACKU-"

In a matter of moments, the radio feed cut to static.

"Agent Sweetie Drops?!" I frantically smacked one end of the device repeatedly, "Come in Agent Sweetie Drops!"

There was no response.

I could feel my heart pounding in my chest, my unsteady breaths adding to the growing sense of dread building up within me. Whatever was going on, I could tell it was a really big doozy. But I wasn't going down without a fight.

With my mind made up, I rushed to the cabinet dresser and grabbed my S.M.I.L.E. briefcase. Unlocking it with a hoof, I put on my shades and took out my grappling hook, tying it around my waist with practiced ease. I then put on my usual disguise that I kept inside the dresser on a coat hanger: a purple fedora with a trench coat, to hide my pink identity.

Grabbing the walkie-talkie, I opened the window and carefully slipped out of my apartment room without being noticed. Hiding behind a nearby shrub for cover, I turned on the transmitter.

"This is Agent Pie reporting in for Code Pink," I spoke into the device, my voice barely above a whisper, "Does anypony have an update on Discord's current location?"

My question was quickly answered as I felt something wet hit the top of my fedora. I reached up, my hoof coming away sticky and... chocolatey?

Another drop fell. Then another. Slowly, I tilted my head back just in time to see a cotton candy cloud floating right above me, raining an endless supply of chocolate milk. And there, lounging on top of the cloud, was Discord himself, his mismatched eyes gleaming with mischief as he grinned down at me.

"Well, well, well," he drawled, his voice sending chills down my spine, "What do we have here? A little spy playing hide and seek?"

Before I could react, I felt myself being lifted off the ground by an unseen force.

"What are you- Hey, put me down!" I struggled against his magical grip, genuine fear coursing through me as my fedora slipped off and my sunglasses fell to the streets below. I panicked, realizing that my cover was completely blown.

The chaotic draconequus brought me closer, studying me with a mixture of curiosity and mild confusion. "Huh, I thought I dealt with you already," he mused, scratching his chin. "Oh well, surely Twisted Spectrum won't mind having another Pinkie Pie added to his story."

I had no idea what he was talking about, but I didn't like the sound of it at all. The mischievous glint in his eyes terrified me more than the mere thought of being sent back to the Mirror Pool.

As if he could sense my own fear, Discord's grin widened. "Oh, don't worry, my dear. I'm not sending you back, I'm just sending you away... somewhere far, far away. Good luck!"

My mind reeled, trying to make sense of his words. But before I could respond, there was a blinding flash of light, and the world suddenly faded away.

The last thing I heard was Discord's laughter as I was engulfed in a white void of nothingness, his voice echoing in my ears:

"For five score, divided by four..."

I blinked.

What the hell was I doing again?

"...and solemnly sweared not to be scared, at the prospect of being doubly mared!"

Oh right, the episode! Pinkie Pie had just cloned herself and... wait, what?

"What in the name of pink?! Knock it off!"
"Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun!"

Okay... for some reason, I had just skipped ahead to the part of the episode where Pinkie and her first clone used the Mirror Pool again to create copies of themselves, and then those Pinkies create more copies of themselves, and then those Pinkies create even more copies of... oh, you get the picture.

Reaching down to scratch my thigh, I cast a brief glance back at the clock. I knew that my phone went off at 8:30, right when Pinkie used the pool, so I had to make sure it was still...

8:35 AM?!

Did... did I just zone out for five whole minutes while the episode went on without me?

Eh, doesn't matter, I can always just run it back to where it was before. I grabbed the remote and pressed rewind, going back to the scene where Pinkie first uses the Mirror Pool.

"...and solemnly sweared not to be scared, at the prospect of being doubly mared!"

With those words, the first clone emerged from the water. As I watched the familiar scene play out, a strange sense of déjà vu washed over me. It was like I've lived this moment before, but not from this perspective. I brushed it off, chalking it up to having seen the episode multiple times.

The rest of the episode continued as normal; Pinkie Pie went off to meet Rainbow Dash at the pond while her clone headed off towards Sweet Apple Acres, only to be invited by Fluttershy to a tea party with her animal friends. Distraught at having to choose, the clone meets back up with the real Pinkie Pie and breaks into tears, prompting them to make more clones.

This, quite literally, is where the fun begins, as the clones begin to make more and more copies until there were, well... too many Pinkie Pies. Yeah, you saw that title drop coming from a mile away, didn't you?

Anyways, after the horde of Pinkie Pies wreak havoc over Ponyville (with the real Pinkie Pie having an identity crisis in between), we then get to the episode's climax, where all the Pinkie Pies are rounded up in the town hall for Twilight's paint-watching test to identify the real Pinkie Pie.

But as the test began, I found myself leaning forward, staring at the TV screen with an intensity that surprised even myself. The room around me seemed to fade away, and I could almost smell the fresh paint, feeling the tension in the air as the Pinkie clones struggled to maintain their focus. It was as if I was there in that same room, forced to watch that infernal wall of paint alongside them.

Every time Twilight zapped a clone back to the Mirror Pool, I felt a twinge of pain, as if something was being taken away from my very being. It was then that I realized... these clones weren't just mindless copies, they were living, sentient creatures with their own hopes and dreams, even if those dreams were as simple as wanting to have fun! They don't deserve to be zapped back!

Wait, why was I suddenly feeling this way? I never got this emotional while watching a Pinkie Pie episode before...

My heart raced as the test neared its end, with only two Pinkie Pies remaining. I remember this scene all too well, and I knew exactly what was about to happen. As they continued to stare at the wall of drying paint, Rainbow Dash, growing impatient as ever, finally came up with a last resort:

"Somepony's making balloon animals!" she suddenly called out.

I watched in horror as the Pinkie clone's eyes widened, turning her head just as Twilight's spell began charging up.

"What? Where?"

Without thinking, I lunged for the remote, hitting the pause button just before the spell could be cast. My breath came in short gasps, and... were those tears pricking at the corners of my eyes?

"What the hell am I doing?" I asked myself, running a hand through my hair. Pulling my Pinkie plushie close for comfort, I took a deep breath, trying to calm my racing heartbeat and make sense of the emotions swirling around within me. "Get it together, Josh. It's just a cartoon show, you've seen this episode countless times before. Nothing to get so worked up about..."

But even as I tried to rationalize my behavior, I couldn't shake the feeling that something was... off. Different, like the world had shifted slightly while I wasn't looking.

Looking back at the TV, I noticed that it was still paused on the episode, stuck on that same scene where the last Pinkie clone was about to be zapped by Twilight's spell. With trembling hands, I reached for the remote again. I had to finish the episode, even though I already knew what was going to happen.

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and pressed play.

As the playback resumed, I felt a tinge of regret as the last Pinkie clone was sent back to the Mirror Pool. After the real Pinkie celebrated her success with the rest of her friends, they closed the entrance to the pool with a big rock, making sure that nopony could use it again.

The episode ended with a friendship letter, as per usual, provided by Pinkie Pie:

Dear Princess Celestia,

It's great to have fun, but it's even greater to have great friends. And having lots of friends means that you sometimes have to make choices as to who you'll spend your time with. But that's okay, because good friends will always give you lots of opportunities to have fun. So even if you're missing out, it's never for long.

Respectfully yours,
Pinkie Pie.

Finally the credits rolled, and I breathed a sigh of relief. My phone went off again to indicate the top of the hour; it was now 9 AM. Shit, I was going to be late for work if I didn't get ready soon!

Turning off the TV, I went into my room and opened the closet, taking out my work uniform before slipping into the bathroom to change. As I turned the light on, I stopped to take a good, long look at myself in the mirror. Light skin? Check. Dark brown hair and brownish-green eyes? Double check. Stubble of facial fair on my chin that won't stop growing back no matter how many times I try to shave it off? Yep, still the same old me!

With that confirmation, I began to undress, taking off my casual attire so I could swap it out with my work clothes. Just as I pulled down my shorts, however, a splash of color on my upper leg caught my attention. Looking down, my eyes widened at what I saw, a sight I had never expected to see in my entire life.

An exact replica of Pinkie Pie's cutie mark was plastered over my upper thigh.

"What the fuck...?" I mumbled under my breath. Running a hand over the mark, I turned my attention towards the other leg, and sure enough, that same mark was on the other side too.

My mind reeled, unable to process what I was seeing. This couldn't be real. It had to be a dream, a hallucination brought on by too many hours of binge-watching ponies. But as I ran my hands over my thighs, feeling nothing but bare skin, I knew with a growing certainty that this was all too real.

"Okay Josh, just... don't panic," I told myself, "You just gotta make it through work today, and then we can figure this whole thing out."

Taking a deep breath, I managed to calm myself down just enough for me to change into my work clothes, doing my best to ignore the colorful addition to my legs as I pulled my pants up. Tucking my shirt in, I grabbed my phone from the bathroom counter. I had to do some research before I left, maybe I could find others who might be experiencing the same thing...

Sure enough, when I typed "cutie mark" into the Twitter search bar, I found out that I wasn't the only one! A user named @mlp4evar posted a tweet about getting a cutie mark yesterday, and- oh god dammit, nevermind. Turns out he replied to someone saying it was a joke tweet. What a shitload of fuck!

Oh well, guess it'll have to wait until later. I shouldn't waste any more time procrastinating.

Dropping off my dirty clothes in the laundry basket, I put on my shoes and grabbed my wallet, stuffing it into my pocket so I could pay for lunch later. Car keys in hand, I hauled my work bag over my shoulder and was about to open the door, but I paused.

Looking back, I cast one last glance at my Pinkie Pie plushie, still lying on the couch from earlier. My eyes focused on its stitched-on cutie mark, and for a moment, I thought back to those same cutie marks on both of my thighs.

For a moment, I stood there, caught between the familiar world I once knew and the impossible reality that seemed to be unfolding around me. Then, with a deep breath, I finally stepped out the door, preparing myself for another long day at work.

As I finally left my apartment and headed towards my car, I couldn't help but feel like this was more than just a mere coincidence. I mean, come on... it's not like magical talking ponies were actually real, right?

...Right?