Bullheadedness

"'Dominate ponies and destroy the mare-it-ocracy.' Oh ma'am, his puns are bad," Applejack shook her head and the newspaper, then tossed it at Princess Twilight's hooves.

"I've read it." Twilight's eyes narrowed.

"Ya' gonna do somethin' about it?"

"Yes, but not directly."

"You're not shuttin' him down?"

Twilight trotted to a window, looked out it and sighed. "We have to give him space to make decisions. Or else, we are still his gaolers."

"Given what he did--he deserves to be gay-olded in stone forever, or whatever you're sayin' Twi."

"Gaoled. Imprisoned. Jailed. Has nothing to do with growing old alone without happiness.... I am speaking of the traditional usage of the term 'gay', obviously, since Tirek's sexuality matters not a whit."

"Fine. He's not imprisoned, but he's on parole. He shouldn't be doin' stuff like raisin' Tartarus by sayin' worm-mouthed dungheap lies."

Twilight sighed. "I suppose," she nodded. "But I do not wish it to seem we are keeping too tight a tight leash. That might spook him like it spooked Discord. Conversely, when we, in friendship, offered freedom, Discord reformed."

"I suppose," Applejack shrugged.

"Applejack..."

Applejack sighed dramatically. "Sure, Discord reformed--e-ventually. After betrayin' us a few times. Heck--he's the varmit who brought that darned pony-eating, magic-draining criminal Tirek back to power twice. Twice!" Applejack stomped her right front hoof twice to accentuate her point.

"Reformation takes time. Tirek should be provided breathing room to grow and make mistakes."

Applejack's left eyelid twitched. "This is Tirek we're talking about. One of the greatest monsters that ever menaced Equestria--an' that's sayin' a lot. He's probably the biggest villain of the big three--all swole and jacked and stealin' essence.... And we're just forgivin' him!"

"You were outvoted at his parole hearing."

"Dash supported me..." Applejack mumbled. Then she added: "Twilight! He's growin' like last time because he's snatching magic!"

Twilight picked up the paper with her magic and studied the well-muscled specimen of a centaur glaring back at the reader. "You're talking about his 'Life Pledges'. Those were voluntary agreements. Perfectly legal."

"...Reminds me of Starlight's village," Applejack frowned. "An' we put a stop to that cult of personality. What's different here? A stallion takin' advantage of a bunch of... vulnerable ponies. Just because he's a stallion, we're treatin' him different?"

"It is a mutually beneficial arrangement. And it is not hurting the ponies."

Applejack raised an eyebrow.

Twilight looked over a shoulder at her friend and sighed. "Maybe it is. I am not a medical doctor. Or, a psychiatrist."

"Ya' could send one."

Twilight shook her head. "I have another idea. Guards! Send in the guest."

Her twin guards protecting her audience hall parted their halberds and soon thereafter the door was flung open by a bipedal chest-thrusting blue minotaur.

"Twilight Sparkle. Princess of Equestria. Here is Iron Will!" His enunciation shook the walls. He beat his chest. "You got the cash, I'll teach ya' to smash. Fitness expert. Successful entrepreneur. And two-time Heavyweight Champion of the Minotaur Division!" He tossed his head, splaying his coiled black hair. "And The G.G.O.A.T. is outside. He can come in when you're ready to get down for something less intimate."

"Tha' G.G.O.A.T.?" Applejack scrunched up her face.

"The Greatest Goat of All Time," Iron Will grinned. "He helps throw down so my clients get buff. One hundred bleats per minute." He beat his chest, then turned his attention to Twilight. "You're bigger than before."

"A consequence of alicorn ascension," she said, shrugging her wings and stretching her elongated neck.

He sneered--the smile twisting angrily. "Iron Will hears you. You got me here so you could actually earn your muscles. Cool. You don't want to keep frontin'. Respect."

"This... growth is a natural part of magical development for alicorns." Twilight shifted a bit.

"Sure. Right. Just put a little Pony Growth Hormone into your Ponish Breakfast once a day. Chow down on those baked beans and porridge and you think you're not getting in too deep--no problem at first. You just gotta add some creatine and bulk up. Just a little more and all the ponies gonna be respecting your bod. But then you wake up one day, sweating and struggling to breathe and you look down and see your dick's about two sizes too small and nope, you can't satisfy your partner anymore."

"I don't have a--" Twilight swallowed.

"Already shrunk so small you lost it?"

"I'm a mare.... I realize you are a different species but surely you can tell the difference between body types--"

"And you're presenting as a mare?" Iron Will tilted his head.

"I'm not presenting as anything."

"Sure you are, PRINCEss," Iron Will waggled his eyebrows. "All those testosterone supplements to get big like the other alicorns. All of you undergoing a 'transition' to get where you are--and no foals following after that transition."

"Cadance has a foal..."

"Sure, but everyminotaur knows the Rulers of Equestria traditionally transition the other way. That's why you and Celestia and Luna don't have foals. Cadance is special. She had a womb to start. In a couple years though, she'll be swinging, and not just because she's the princess of Love."

"I do too have a womb--"

"Don't worry," Iron Will waved a hoof. "I know how it is to have to front to rule when you're worried you might be something you're not. We've had a lot of female minotaur rulers despite their lack of sacred parts. They supplemented just like you're doing."

"Minotaurs are traditionally ruled by stallions?"

"We're ruled by the most impressive one of these." Iron Will whipped out his personal equipment and jiggled it.

"Put it back!" Applejack shouted, and averted her eyes.

"You like it." Iron Will provocatively licked his lips, but he complied, and he returned to addressing the Princess. "I see that smile--"

"It's nerves!" Twilight shouted. "And you're harassing me--your host!"

Iron Will frowned. "You hired me for a Good TimeTM workout session."

"I hired you for your most expensive workout session because I wanted to pay an appropriate price for the enormity of a task for which I... at one time considered you might be a good candidate."

"That's the Good TimeTM workout session. You get to see Iron Will's entire immaculate... sacred bod at peak performance. Raw. Traditional minotaur dominance display."

Twilight swallowed. "While I am intrigued by the potential to add volumes to our knowledge about Minotauria... which appears to have been strangely lacking and which could--it seems--use some supplementation...." Her sentences drifted into incoherence in proportion to the amount of blush spreading to her cheeks.

Glaring, Applejack shook her head.

Twilight recovered. "No, no need for a Good TimeTM session. I--"

"It's fine," Iron Will shrugged. "And don't worry about anything. After nine to sixteen counseling sessions with me, you'll--in your heart-of-hearts truly understand you are what you are deep in your soul and head. You'll have more self-love than you know what to do with and you won't need to be so confused about yourself."

Applejack fixed Twilight Sparkle with a long-suffering I-Told-You-So stare.

Twilight blinked. "I'm not sure that made sense."

Iron Will chewed over the thought. "You don't want to feel like a stallion in your heart--I've got you. Had it backward. You wanna feel like your true mare inside. Fine. I can maresplain a bit."

"Heard enough?" Applejack asked Twilight.

"But! Even better, The G.G.O.A.T. will be a greater help with mareterials. He's an expert in mare performance--when it tickles his beard. A living connoisseur of the Goatisha profession heh-heh. Let's call him in."

"No," Twilight said. "I think you perhaps have some misconceptions as to why you have been called. I did not intend for you to... perform... or talk about my inner desires, or to have a Goatisha tea ceremony. I called you to discuss how to solve a friendship problem with Tirek."

Iron Will's ring-pierced nose twitched. "The frontin' centaur who's 'using'?"

"...Could you explain what you mean by 'using'?"

"Supplements--he's using unfair supplements. He's stealing power and strength and muscles from ponies."

"Legally by contract--" Twilight added.

Applejack harrumphed.

"He disgusts me." Iron Will flexed a muscle. "I'm an old-er bull now, but I came by this physique honestly." He posed, tail erect, first one way, then the other. "Natural takes a lot of work. Tirek took a shortcut. He misleads ponies. He makes them think they don't have to put in physical or mental exertion to get the benefits. He makes them mental foals--a bunch of whiny, weak-willed entitled foals."

Applejack tilted her head.

"If you can set aside some of your disgust enough to work with rather than insult him, insights like that are precisely why I think you can help Tirek."

"Does he want help?"

"You have a special insight into strength. And, strength is what Tirek values."

Iron Will snorted.

"You're going to be key to his reformation. Teach him he can reach deep within himself, build himself up and find strength through friendship rather than... supplements."

"I don't think this is a good idea, Twi--" Applejack said.

"This is a perfect idea!" Iron Will guffawed. "Iron Will needed a moment to consider, but Iron Will is decisive. Iron Will is successful. Iron Will will reform this Tirek."

"Or our money back?" Applejack asked.

"No. Iron Will learned his lesson after a certain customer-who-will-not-be-named took advantage of his satisfaction guaranteed policy even though that certain customer actually grew more assertive. But, if you are not satisfied, Iron Will will provide you a 30% discount on one additional lesson."

"Excellent!" Twilight's eyes lit up. "Let's work out the details."

Iron Will was regaling The G.G.O.A.T. "And then I whipped out my equipment and Princess Twilight was lusting over it--ha!"

The G.G.O.A.T., a wizened billy goat bleated at Iron Will in a high-pitched feminine-sounding bleat of Goatish. "You didn't."

"I did!" Iron Will bellowed.

The G.G.O.A.T.'s eyes narrowed till they were mere slits. "You didn't."

"Ha!"

"You promised. No more Good TimeTM sessions!"

"This wasn't a Good TimeTM session."

"Then why display yourself?"

"Because I was showing the Princess my qualifications."

"For what?"

"I..."

"You were planning to sleep with her."

"No, no I wasn't."

"You and your obsession with alicorn...equipment," The G.G.O.A.T. hissed.

"I talked about it like... five times and I threw away that book you shit on and called a 'conspiracy' tract--but you're still calling it an obsession."

"Nearly a fetish," The G.G.O.A.T. said.

"It was purely business--"

"No. There's no other explanation." The G.G.O.A.T. sighed. "I had hoped we were past this, but I fear we won't ever be."

"No, no. I'm still horny for you." Iron Will stroked The G.G.O.A.T's closest horn. "Only you."

"You promised after that fling with the sea serpent. I can't trust you."

"I didn't do anything."

"But you will." The G.G.O.A.T. stopped in the center of the path.

"Please, reconsider." Iron Will reached out for a hoof. "I'll cook you pancakes."

"No."

"And garbage!"

"It's cans. Not garbage."

"Sorry."

"You don't respect my culture."

"It was a slip of the tongue."

"Twenty years wrong."

"Don't be so stubborn."

"Don't make ethnic slurs."

"You used to think that was cute. I'm stubborn too. It's not my fault ponies use that as an insult for goats and mules."

"...I'm just an old goat. You've got my goat."

Iron Will growled. "I can't use that term at all?"

"Nope."

"Stop being such a Drama Queen."

"I'm not coming with you."

"Come on."

"We weren't supposed to travel any more. After so many groaning and grinding years traveling all over--we've settled down. Got that home. But, we haven't adopted anygoat yet. It's always one more year. One more business deal. One more scheme. We have more than enough bits as long as you don't waste them in some hare-brained scheme."

"Now who's spreading slurs?"

"Rabbits aren't intelligent creatures."

They stared at each other for a while.

"I'm tired, Iron Will."

"We can go back."

"No. You go. I need to think about things."

"I'll stay."

"Go."

"Stay," Iron Will said.

"Go!" The G.G.O.A.T. shouted.

It began to rain.

They stood there, in the road, glaring at each other as ponies passed, umbrellas in hoof. Somepony handed them one. After the pony had trekked off, The G.G.O.A.T. ate the umbrella, chewing it for many an hour, then spitting its handle out in Iron Will's face.

Night fell.

Another day began.

Ponies came and went, some with carts that barely trundled around the two immovable objects. A pegasus flew to the Castle to complain about the obstruction.

It rained... again, but this time the Weather Team made a circle around the obstructing foreigners, making it slightly less of a burden for travelers to press past them.

Twilight Sparkle flew out. "Is there anything I can help you two with?"

"This the hussy?" The G.G.O.A.T. didn't break eye contact with Iron Will.

"The Princess."

"The hussy who you wanted to leave me for?"

"You're making a mountain out of a molehill."

"Heh,"

"I could come back tomorrow," Twilight said. "Unless I can be of service in solving a friendship problem?"

"Nope," The G.G.O.A.T. broke eye contact with Iron Will and addressed Twilight. "I saw the desperation in his eyes. He *likes* you. I've had enough."

"That's not true!" Iron Will said.

The G.G.O.A.T. trotted off.

"Do you want to go after him?" Twilight asked.

"No," Iron Will shook his head, and he sniffed. "Once his mind is made up--it's made up."

"I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault." Iron Will turned and walked out of the break in the storm into the rain.

Amid the onslaught of the downpour, Twilight never saw tears roll down his face.