Celestia restlessly shifted around on her throne and took a bite from her favourite special snack, chocolate cake. Only one meeting with her little ponies was left before the long day of holding court would be over at last. The brilliance from the slowly setting sun filtered through the stained glass windows, painting the interior an array of beautiful colours. An attendant stood nearby. A pair of guards led a small group of ponies into the throne room to present their petition to her when a letter appeared before the regal alicorn.
Celestia stared at the letter for a moment before taking it in her magic and putting aside her slice of cake. The mighty alicorn of the sun opened the letter. Her wings twitched as she realized immediately who the sender was.
Dear Sun Butt
My love,
Your butt is huge
Every time I see your flank, I think of the sun in all its round fiery glory
P.S. Have you been into the cake while I’ve been gone?
P.P.S. Wha-pish
Celestia’s eye twitched slightly at her husband's teasing letter. It was one thing to poke a bit of silly fun while enjoying each other’s banter. However, it was another thing entirely to insult a lady’s weight. The final P.P.S. Caught her attention and for whatever reason, would not let go.
“Wha-pish?” She did her best to sound out the last part
The long large tail of the lord of chaos appeared in front of the orderly alicorn and promptly smacked her sunny flank like a whip. WHA-PISH!
The crack of the tail-turned-whip rang out through the throne room and down the hallways. The ponies present stared in shock at their ruler as Celestia leapt off her throne and staggered down the steps frantically trying to regain her footing.
The sunny mare landed ungainly on the floor, her wings splayed out, her flank stung as though under assault from a thousand bees. The other ponies in the room continued to stare at their whipped ruler in shock for several moments before Celestia finally erupted: “Discord!”
Said lord of chaos sat on a cloud overlooking the Everfree forest. He was chilling out while he slowly roasted gems like popcorn which he dipped in molten chocolate milk before finally, he chilled them with pure ice from Yak Yakastan. All in all, it was a great day to enjoy good food.
A flash of sunlight caused the draconequus to pause his activities. A smile lit his face at the sight of his wife. “Ah, my dearest Celestia.“ He was quick to spot the look on her face. “I see you’ve received my-“
A blast of fire cut the draconequus off. He crumbled into ash as the torrent of fire from Celestia’s horn blasted into the sky beyond.
“Why hello to you too.” Discord huffed as he rose from the ashes and brushed the cinders off himself.
“I do not appreciate being whipped by you while other ponies are around.” Celestia huffed angrily.
“I’m sorry.” Discord lay back and began to float around, grinning. He was clearly anything but sorry. “Did my letter reach you at a bad time?”
The deadpan look from Celestia made the answer more than clear.
Fancy clothes appeared on the prankster as he examined a gloved forehand. “Well I’m sorry to hear that, I really am. Please come back tonight.”
Celestia called on her connection to the sun and the celestial body slipped below the horizon. “What happens if sundown comes early?”
“Welcome, my sunny pony!” Discord bowed reverently. “To what do I owe the pleasure this evening?”
“I am here to see Discord. I need to repay him for his earlier gift.” Celestia stated calmly.
“Oh really?” The draconequus smiled back, “I guess I will need a moment to find master Discord.”
“I do hope he is not far. Our time is rare enough with my busy schedule as it is.”
With the snap of his fingers, a second Discord appeared, ready and waiting to accept whatever gift his mare had to give. “My assistant here is ready to accept delivery of your fine gift. I shall return shortly with Discord himself.”
With that, the primary Discord shrank in size and then vanished.
Celestia smirked at the vacant spot. “If he wasn’t Discord, then I must be Daybreaker.”
“You are much too beautiful to be Daybreaker.” Assistant Discord spoke up.
“And what do you know of Daybreaker?” Celestia asked sweetly as she rounded on the patchwork creature.
“I have heard from the master that she is one hot mare.”
“Oh really?” A steely look crept out as Celestia beheld minion Discord before her. “Then I guess you might just be the right draconequus for the job after all.” The alicorn’s rainbow mane flickered for a moment before it was engulfed in flames.
“Ooooh... you are hot... just like the master says.” Minion Discord gazed at the firey mare with wide, star struck eyes.
Celestia stared back at the patchwork creature with mild contempt.
With a raging inferno for a mane, Celestia summoned a ring of fire underneath minion Discord then sent a brief blast upward.
Minion Discord ran around in circles with his butt on fire, his size diminishing with every passing second.
“That mare is mine! Only I, Discord can take the heat.” Discord reappeared and shook a chocolate raincloud over his minion’s head. The secondary Discord sighed blissfully and collapsed on the ground, tongue lapping up the sweet, cooling rain.
Celestia stood watching, head held high. “None are majestic enough to ride me.”
“I am. He’s not.” Discord vanished his second away. With a snap of his fingers, the lord of chaos was clothed in regal gold and purple robes befitting Equestrian royalty. He stood tall and proud before his mare.
The intensity of the fire that had consumed Celestia’s mane and tail intensified. “Are you sure you won’t get burned?”
The lord of chaos teleported to his mare’s side, then ran a finger down her flank. “I can show you if you like... cake horse.”
Celestia’s mane continued to burn bright as she rounded angrily on her lover. “You dare address the mighty Daybreaker like that? I could burn those silly clothes off your body, Noodle.”
Discord coiled himself around his mare, careful to avoid her burning mane and tail. The draconequus felt like he was about to overheat, but carefully kept his serpentine body in place as he brought his face level to hers. “Sunbutt. You are my sunshine, my only Kay Kay. You set me alight when skies are grey...”
Discord’s off key singing caused the stoic mare to break out into stifled laughter.
Then she openly laughed. Her infectious mirth carried to her husband. The couple broke down into laughter and the fire simmered, threatening to go out.
“I’m sorry... I couldn’t do it. You were too much...” Celestia managed between deep breaths.
Discord smiled as he unwound and lazily drifted in front of his mare. “I win. Glad to see there’s more beneath that stuffy, boring cake horse-”
“Discord.” Celestia’s mane flickered threateningly, still alight.
“Right, right. Are you sure that was fair? That's the second time you’ve struck me back.” Discord commented as he drifted closer.
Celestia recalled the message and sighed. There were sure to be plenty of shocked ponies back in the castle. “And well deserved for that embarrassment you caused me.”
Discord’s tail began to wrap possessively around his mare’s foreleg. “Well... we are alone now, aren't we?”
“We are.”
Discord’s long serpentine body looped over the sunny mare’s shoulders and his face settled on the other side, just far enough to look into her stunning eyes. “Surely that counts for something, right dear?”
“I am no deer.”
A subtle smirk crept across the lord of chaos’s lips. “No, really? I thought you were a dragon.”
With a snort, Celestia doused the flames and her mane returned to normal. “Alright. You succeeded in summoning me here. Sadly for you, I do not feel like our usual nighttime fun.”
“Aww... I guess I could settle for cuddles with my favourite sunny pony.”
Celestia took a deep breath, “a quiet night with you would be loverly.”
“Was court boring?”
“You have no idea.”
“I do, in fact, have a great idea. I had this wild idea to follow my wife to work today. However, it was so exciting that I fell asleep before the first group even finished their presentation. It turned into a great mid morning nap.”
“Lucky you,” Celestia muttered, a light smile playing on her lips. “Do you happen to remember anything they said?”
“None.”
“A shame, I’m glad my assistant took notes.”
Discord winked back, “I would have been even luckier if my nap were someplace more relaxing.”
“Don’t tell me you slept in the stained glass window.”
“Of course.”
The sunny ruler rolled her eyes. “you know... you could always sleep somewhere, I don’t know... more enjoyable for us both when you decide to drop by while I’m working.”
“Oh...” Discord perked up, “and where might that be? I can’t think of anywhere in the great hall that is half as comfortable as your bed.”
A light blush settled on Celestia’s pure white cheeks, “remember that time you made yourself small enough to sit on my head?”
A keen smile slipped out across the face of the lord of chaos. “I might.”
“You were half the size of my horn if I remember correctly.”
“Indeed I was.”
“And someone appeared to enjoy reclining on my horn all morning.”
A snicker broke out, “did you get many odd looks?”
“I’m sure you were aware of them.” A smile crept out across Celestia's lips. “But I can give you a live reminder tomorrow if you require it.”
“I guess I could grace your horn with my noble backside tomorrow. After all, who else can keep an eye on your cake intake.”
“Discord.”
“Yes?”
“That's enough about cake. Unless you have some for me.”
Discord stroked his beard and appeared to carefully consider his mare's words for a moment. “Cake?”
“Yes.”
A devious smirk lit the lips of the lord of chaos. “I might... But first... dinner. I believe neither of us has eaten.”
With a sigh, Celestia nodded. “Indeed, I am famished.”
The mighty draconequus scratched his chin, “I think I have just the place in mind.”
Discord offered a hand, “My lady. Would you care to accompany me to dine out and about this evening?”
With a wide smile, Celestia lifted her right forehoof and accepted his offering. “I would love to. Should I return the sunset?”
Discord glanced at the night sky. “Let your sister and Twilight enjoy the chaos.”
Celestia took a moment to admire the artistry above. “Luna really does an amazing job these days. Doesn’t she?”
“I think we both know who we have to thank for that.” Discord agreed.
“Now onward, to dinner!” He lifted his free hand and with a snap of his fingers, the couple vanished into the night.
The following morning Princess Celestia walked into the throne room with a miniature Discord riding on her horn. The pair froze at the sight. It was a full house.
“Have they tried to fit the whole city in here?” Discord wondered.
“I think we have your stunt to thank for this,” Celestia muttered as she resumed her march to her throne.
“Surely that bit of chaos wasn’t the worst your subjects have witnessed.”
“If one pony asks about that. You are staying.”
“You can’t make me.”
Celestia extended a wing and gently poked her husband. “Stay. Please be a good draconequus.”
“Oh all right. But if they bore me to sleep you are not allowed to wake me up.”
“Deal.” Celestia lowered her wing and settled with regal poise on her throne, ready to address her subjects. “Greetings my little ponies.”
“Princess, did you really get whipped by Discord yesterday?” An impatient purple pegasus mare spoke up, breaking the couple from their private conversation.
Discord muttered and rolled his eyes. “Yes, she did. It was a harmless prank because I thought my wife had finished for the day. Next!”
“But what about the sun? Why did you end the day early?” A grey unicorn stallion called out.
“It was half an hour early...” Discord muttered.
Celestia giggled softly. “This is why I prefer the surprises to come when I’m not busy in the throne room.”
“No promises.”
"None expected. Just please... maybe try something a little less shocking to everypony else next time."
"No promises," Discord smirked as he reclined on his lover's horn.
A smile slipped out as Celestia returned her attention to the multitude before her. This was sure to be yet another long day, yet somehow... the thought of facing so many ponies seemed easier with Discord perched on her horn.
No promises indeed.
Author's Note
I first drafted the intro some time ago as a bit of a joke after feeling inspired by some Discord and Celestia artwork.
Then I picked it up recently and thought it might be fun to add to. Then a good friend wanted something to read this evening and I thought... why not, and finished it.
I do enjoy writing Discord and Celestia. Even if it's just fluff.
