I’m falling.
This is not a particularly uncommon occurrence for me. I’ve always had a hard time flying because of my eyes. I have amblyopia, also known as lazy eye. They just don’t tend to work too well, going in different directions all the time. Causes me to crash a lot. I remember going to the doctor quite often for my bumps and bruises when I was still in flight school. My mother, Darling Doo, would coo and hold me close saying that I was her brave little girl. My dad, Stormchaser, would come home and see my new bandages and ask what fine adventure had given me my new battle scars. They were great parents. My mom was an advertisement model, she had a curly golden mane and tail that matched her eyes, and her coat was the softest pastel purple. Her cutie mark was two golden hoop earrings. Dad was a weather pony. He specialized in breaking up storms that swept in from Everfree. He had a dark gray coat, short pale gray mane and tail, and orange eyes. His cutie mark was a tornado with a lightning bolt shooting across it. They were both such talented pegasi, and they both loved me a lot. I feel like I only let them down though.
When I started school was when I realized how different I was. The other students would laugh at my mismatched eyes, call me clumsy and stupid. I remember running home crying on many occasions. Dad would tell me to fight back, and Mom would instead say to alert the teacher. I didn’t do either though. I didn’t want them to get in trouble, or to feel the way I did. I always thought that if they knew how much it hurt, then they probably wouldn’t make fun of me like they did. One day I got the chance I had waited for.
I was walking home and heard the faint sound of sobs coming from around the corner. I went over to check on the pony crying to find one of my bullies. He was a mess, crying over a broken toy. I remember reaching out my hoof to him, and offering up one of my muffins, my favorite treat. He was angry at first, but I knew that he was just hiding his sadness. I sat down beside him and told him about how hard it was to hide how much things bother us, he then started to cry for a whole new reason. He felt so bad for having made fun of me. He never realized that I was just like him until then. We were both just kids trying to deal with life with its fleeting joy and sorrow. I let him know that I didn’t hold it against him, that all was forgiven. I told him what my parents told me, not all things are meant to last, just enjoy what you can when you have it, remember the joy it gave you when it's gone. That day I got my cutie mark, bubbles traveling up. They are brief moments of joy that eventually pop, all things in life end eventually. That is why forgiveness is so important to me, there is simply not enough time to be bitter about the past.
I took that motto into my life with zeal. I made friends with every pony, there was not anything that could not be forgiven in exchange for a new friend. When we finally graduated there was not a kid in class that I didn’t know, and they were happy that I made it. I would never be a great flier, but that was ok with me. In every school setting I was put in afterwards always went the same way. Starting with bullies, ending with friends. I was happy to have happy smiling faces around me. Every graduation was bittersweet, knowing I’d likely not see many of them again. That was ok though, because at least I had friends for a while.
I lived with my parents for a pretty long time, they were more than happy to have me around to take care of the house and garden while they worked. I didn’t worry about getting my own job until they started to prompt me about getting my own place and my own family. I was still young, but they were getting a bit too old to support me and their retirement funds. They had both been so job oriented that they had me rather late in life.
I remember when I got my first and only job as a mail carrier. I was so happy to finally earn my own bits. I was so excited! But then things started to go wrong. I couldn’t remember who lived at each house in town, I kept dropping important deliveries to the ground when they slipped from my hooves, I kept breaking things. I felt so useless, but my boss wouldn’t let me quit. He told me that everyone just needs a bit of time to get used to the job. I still felt pretty crummy though, so they let me take some time off.
During that time off is when I met him. He was smart, funny, and kind. There was no one else in the world that looked at me the way he did. I loved him, but I could never have him, it just wasn’t meant to be. He did give me the greatest gift of my life before he disappeared though. He gave me my daughter Dinky Doo.
Dinky is my precious little muffin. She ended up as a unicorn of all things. She has a purple-gray coat, amber eyes, with my yellow gold hair. She almost looks more like my parents than I did. They were not too happy about me becoming a mom so young, and being single to boot, but they offered support and assistance in any way they could. Dinky became my reason to live. I went back to work with zeal upon learning of my pregnancy. I was determined to make enough money to have a proper home for this foal. Between my parents' help, and my own hard work, I was able to achieve my goal of buying a house only halfway through the pregnancy. I was only a few months away from my due date when fate struck.
A storm had been brewing over Everfree. My dad went out to bust it up with his crew of pegasi. He never came back. Search parties were sent once the storm cleared, but what they found was his body, broken and battered from the storm. Mom had always known his job was dangerous, and they both had been getting up there in years. It shouldn’t have been much of a surprise that he simply couldn’t handle those storms anymore. Mom was heartbroken without dad though. She sold their house to pay for his funeral before moving in with me so we could support one another through this grief. She started to say more and more things that made little sense though, as if she were talking to ponies that weren’t there. My mom even let it slip one day that she blamed herself for my condition. She thought that if only she hadn’t waited so long to have a foal, maybe there would have been fewer complications. After that I knew I had to do the best I could to keep healthy for my unborn foal, so I tried not to let my grief get in the way of the birth of my daughter.
When I finally had Dinky, my mom was so distraught that my father would never meet her. She wept for days, and I wasn’t doing much better. Dinky was a lot of work, and Mom and I had never raised a unicorn foal. Her magic bursts were a lot to deal with, but we eventually fell into a routine. Mom would watch Dinky while I worked, and I would come home to do bed and bath time routines. I wished I could have spent more time with them, because I didn’t realize the extent of my mother’s decline until it was almost too late.
I came home one evening to hear my mom yelling. She was so loud I could hear her from outside. I rushed in to find her shouting at the air, it was all nonsense. I tried to ask her where Dinky was, but it was like she couldn’t hear me. I flapped wildly through the house. My heart was beating too fast, and I was panicking. Only once I calmed enough did I hear her. I found Dinky swaddled up in a clothing drawer. My mother revealed later that she was scared she would hurt her, so she put her away. I realized that my mom was not safe to leave my muffin with anymore. I had to get my mom set up in a home. It cost a lot of bits, so much that I had to take out a second mortgage, but I couldn’t take care of her and Dinky while still working. I needed a new plan.
I was lucky then to find a bright young unicorn mare named Amethyst Star. She has a magenta pink coat, and purple mane, tail, and eyes, with three diamonds as a cutie mark. She was attending to her unicorn studies but needed a place to stay. Between school and moving she couldn’t work enough hours to afford the apartment she lived in. I invited her to live with Dinky and me. I said that if she would watch Dinky while I worked, she could live with us for free. This worked out extremely well. Amethyst is not an extremely gifted unicorn, but she was diligent. She knew how to deal with Dinky’s magic bursts and kept her well taken care of in my absence. Life was finally stable.
I visited my mom on weekends, sometimes she remembered me, sometimes she didn’t. She loved me though, always commenting on how sweet I was. The days came where she didn’t know me more often than she did. The staff mentioned how it wasn’t looking good. Even after the money I had poured into her care she wasn’t going to get any better. I was almost relieved when she passed to join my dad. I had supported her for three years, and she was miserable for most of it. She never got over losing dad the way we did. Now she would be at peace, and I could put every last bit I had into making sure Dinky had a good life.
I remember Dinky’s first day of school. She was so happy to get to learn more stuff. She has her father’s intelligence; I'll give her that. I remember the other parents looking at me. It seems that even being the mail mare for years had not removed their feelings about my eyes, in some ways it may have made it worse because I still misdelivered things quite a bit. I held my head high though. I may have been a bad mail mare, but I am a good mom. I love Dinky more than anything, even more than myself.
Another year went by, and nothing much had changed. The ponies still gave me weird looks, I would pretend not to notice. Dinky started to get flak from her peers about my disability. I tried to teach her the lessons of my cutie mark, but it just wasn’t doing the trick this time. I was so mad at myself for her suffering. If only I was normal. Dinky was an exceptional filly. She loved learning spells from Amethyst, even though Amethyst was practically in college. Dinky was likely talented enough for Celestia’s school for gifted unicorns, but I couldn’t afford tuition even if she could get in. I wouldn’t want her so far away either. Our home would always be Ponyville.
The foal protection agency was called every so often just to check in on my prowess as a parent, possibly from ponies whose packages got messed up. I couldn’t hold it against them. I know it must be frustrating for their mail to be so screwy, but I need to work for Dinky. I was off flying one evening after another call from FPA when I made a mistake. I was flying too close to dark, I was flying upset, and I was flying with my awful eyes. I hit a tree.
The doctor broke the news about my broken wing, and all I could do was cry. How could I tell Dinky and Amethyst that I can’t work? How would I pay the mortgage? Where could we go? What can I do? When I came home with my wing in bandages Amethyst started to weep. She knew what my lack of income would mean for us. Dinky was so worried about me. She tried to tell me that it would all be ok, but she doesn’t understand just how deep of a hole we are in. She is too young for all of that pain.
I went to work the next day to explain my condition. They told me that I can’t do the route if I can’t fly, and they have no other position to put me in. My boss wanted to offer up workman’s comp, but since my injury happened outside of work, he could do nothing. I told him I understood, as I meandered my way out the post office. He told me that they couldn’t fire me, but they couldn’t pay me either, I just wasn’t eligible for any of their programs. I knew getting help from the government also wouldn’t do much, it wouldn’t be enough to pay the mortgage even if I could get them to issue me disability before next year. I had an idea though.
That night I went home and snuggled my sweet muffin. I read her stories, made her favorite dish, and tucked her in at night. I hated to think what I was going to do, but I knew it was for her. I set an alarm for 5 AM.
I woke up, brushed my hoof one last time through Dinky’s mane. Then I walked my way to the early morning balloon for visitors to get to Cloudsdale. I was up there by 6 AM. I stood on the edge of the cloud, contemplating my choice. There was one way to get money. I had set up, upon Dinky’s birth, a life insurance policy. I even updated it every year so she would have a trusted pony in charge of the funds. I was such a clumsy pony that no one would even stop to think about if I fell or jumped. Ponies fell from clouds every day, just not often ones who couldn’t fly because of a broken wing. I told myself that Dinky would be better off with the money, because Amethyst would take care of her. With this money they could afford the house, and school for Dinky, and possibly even a move to Canterlot so Dinky could study under the best. If I don’t jump, Dinky would likely be taken away by FPA anyway. Dinky would be doomed to a system where I could never get her back, because who would ever give custody to a mare like me? A mare with messed up eyes, no income, no house, no hope.
With that I stepped off the cloud.
I’m falling.
I can’t stop myself even if I wanted to.
My face is wet.
Has it started to rain?
Or are those just my tears?
The ground approaches ever faster.
The last thing I hear is a voice.
“Ditzy! NO!”
Author's Note
Ditzy Doo is another name for Derpy Hooves. I thought it would work better for this story. Original characters Darling Doo and Stormchaser were not made to resemble any characters from the show or anyone else. Any resemblance is coincidental. I am still on the fence about continuing this story, so let me know what you think! Constructive criticism welcome.
