Surviving Equestria's Queen

by The Sleepless Beholder

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Starlight Glimmer, Violence, Flash Sentry, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 3520

Zombies invade Equestria, but don't worry! Twilight has a plan. What could possibly go wrong?

Zombies have invaded Equestria, and Queen Twilight's got the best plan to handle things. Starlight and Flash don't quite agree.

A co-written entry between me and Dewdrops on the Grass for the Dumb as Doornails Contest

Edited by the ever helpful EileenSaysHi

Published 2024-09-30 03:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2024-09-30 03:30:01 UTC

Chapter Two: Dewdrops on the Grass

The harsh, ugly florescent lights beamed down onto Flash’s face, leaving him sweating despite the dark, dank humid cold of the dungeon around him. The metal chair under his butt squeaked as he reflexively jumped back from the sergeant slamming his hoof onto the wooden table in front of them. “You think you’re so funny, don’t you, Sentry?”

“I don’t know what you mean, Sergeant,” Flash said flatly.

“You transferred here from The Crystal Empire!” Sergeant Crescent Hammer got up on both forehooves now, leering at him from the table. “You had a cushy position under the Princess of Love. Why would you ever leave there for Canterlot?”

“Because I was tired of the cold, Sergeant,” Flash answered. He resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “If you’re going to accuse me of being involved with these zombies--”

“SO YOU ADMIT IT!” Sgt. Hammer slammed his hooves down again, splintering the table. “You’re the one who created them! You’re controlling them with your freaky mind powers.”

“Sergeant…” Flash sighed. “I’d rather be on the front lines trying to defend people right about now, if you don’t mind, and not wasting my time here.”

“MIND POWERS!” Crescent Hammer made circles with his hooves over his temples, his body movements frantic and rushed, his mouth beginning to foam. “Y-you’re the one who… who wants to kill civilians… to DRIVE US ALL TO DEATH! More soldiers for your zombie horde! More… more… guuuh…”

Flash did roll his eyes then, and got up from the chair, moving over to switch the main lights on so he could see. The stench of rot emitted from a wound on the Sergeant’s lower hind leg, and the look in his eyes was becoming feral. “Sergeant, I’ve done nothing wrong. You got bit, didn’t you?”

“Not the point! NOT THE POINT!” Crescent Hammer let out a screech, his eyes dimming, his flesh beginning to turn a shade of green. “I won’t… you can’t… you won’t… hungry… so hungry… brains…BRAINS!”

As the zombified Crescent Hammer lurched towards him, Flash deftly picked up a halberd and with a single swing decapitated the zombie, leaving its body where it fell. “Okay. That’s enough of that crap.”

Approaching the door, he swung it open, and sunlight streamed in, warm and bright.

As did several zombies.

“Nnnnghhh…”

“Braiiiins…”

“Hungrrrryyyyyy…”

Another sigh escaped his lips. “Fine. Guess I’ll do this the hard way.”

His halberd swung and sang, and heads rolled swiftly with every strike.

Chapter Six: Dewdrops on the Grass

As Flash sliced off the head of three zombies in a row, he watched several ponies wearing oddly-shaped packs walk past the barrier wall. “Where are you going?!”

“Queen Twilight wants us to scavenge -- aaaaah!”

The pony who spoke, a mauve earth pony with chartreuse hair, shrieked as one of the zombies threw itself onto her, only for Flash to intervene and stab it through the gut with his halberd, tossing it aside into the face of another zombie to spare a second scavenger. “Why? There’s no need for it.”

The scavenger gulped, shaking spatters of zombie guts off of her leg. “I’m just doing what the Queen ordered!”

“Well it’s stupid,” Flash said. “Get back, away from the wall!”

His eyes widened considerably as he saw a zombie pegasus dive bomb another one of the scavengers, triggering something in the pack, something that ticked.

His heart skipped a beat, instinct compelling him to flee via the air.

He managed to get about twenty meters away before a massive explosion erupted, the shockwave crashing into him with the full force of a freight train, sending him spinning like a windmill through the air to smack into the side of one of Canterlot’s grain storage silos.

More explosions ripped through the air, the booms combining into one gargantuan wall of noise that battered his ears and made him scream in an attempt to equalize the pressure, lest it tear his lungs apart.

After several long moments, his ears still ringing, he managed to stand.

The barrier wall was gone.

In its place was the fresh zombie horde, meandering their way towards him with lurching gaits.

“Braaaains…”

“Hungry…”

“FOOOD!”

Flash glanced around, but there were no other soldiers left, just far too many civilians fleeing.

He chose the only logical course of action available to him and retreated, heading for the castle. It was high time that he had words with Queen Twilight.

Or that was his intent, at least, until another horde got in his way, and his wings gave out, forcing him to land.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

Sighing, he once again set about the grim work of carving through these zombies, easily taking heads and pummeling bodies despite his own injuries.

SLAM!

He looked up in shock to see the castle gates all closing up before his eyes, every hatch battened, every seal locked, leaving him trapped amid the horde.

A deep sigh escaped his lips.

“This just isn’t my day, is it?”

Chapter One: Sleepless

The office room was silent, aside from the scribbling of a pen held in a purple aura as form after form was signed by the recently-appointed queen of Equestria. Paper after paper was neatly moved from one well-stacked pile to another, only for a teal aura to pick it up and organize it in a nearby cabinet.

“Thanks for coming all the way from Ponyville on such short notice, Starlight,” Twilight said as more forms were added to the pile. “With Spike visiting the Dragon Lands for the next week, paperwork had been piling up.”

“No need to thank me, Twilight, I'm happy to help an old friend. Besides, it's a bit nostalgic too.” Starlight levitated the large pile of request letters sent by Canterlot’s elite with her magic and teleported them into the nearest volcano.

Suddenly, the door to the office burst open and a Royal Guard charged inside, bowing before Twilight. “I bring disturbing news, my Queen. It seems the dead have risen from their graves in a nearby town and are moving towards Canterlot!”

Starlight blinked. “The undead? Are you sure?”

Twilight’s horn shone bright, and a large pool of purple magic spread across a good portion of the floor, forming an overview of the lands outside of Canterlot. After a bit of searching, Starlight was able to spot the crowd of dead creatures slowly advancing through the now dead grass.

“Sweet, Celestia.” She looked at Twilight, who appeared to either be frozen or deep in thought. Maybe she needed help with this one, like old times. "Alright, there's not a lot of them, so if we move the troops right now we should be able to surround the horde and prevent them from moving to more populated areas and growing their numbers. Once encircled-”

Twilight cut her off with a firm voice. "We'll do no such thing."

Starlight was shocked. "W-wha- why?" Maybe she had missed something? Was there a fault in her strategy?

“We can't trust the military, Starlight. They always turn out to be worse than the undead, killing civilians to prevent the spread, if not being the ones that cause the infection in the first place."

Starlight stared at Twilight, waiting for the punchline.

Waiting.

“Are you serious?” She looked at the Royal Guard still bowing to the queen, seemingly having no opinions on the matter. "But, Twilight. We are the military! They answer directly to you!"

Twilight scoffed. "Yes, they'll answer for their crimes. In fact, I want a full investigation to find the culprits."

“It'll be done at once, princess,” the guard galloped away before Starlight could stop him.

“It saddens me to think that our own forces would commit such treason,” Twilight said with a pained voice, to Starlight's complete disbelief.

“Twilight, why in Tartarus would the Royal Guard be behind this? What would they even gain from this?”

“Of that I'm not sure yet, probably some sort of super soldier.”

“Do you at least have any proof this would be even a possibility?”

“Well, if they didn't do it, who else?”

Starlight's eye twitched. "Oh, I don't know, maybe the stallion with rotten skin, emitting green smoke, and carrying like seven skulls on them!” She pointed at said pony through the magical projection who was currently spearheading the horde and cackling with glee.

Twilight looked at him for half a second and shook her head. "That's probably just a Skull Crusher fan."

Starlight raised her hoof, "That…” then lowered it. “No, actually you got me there. He could be."

“See? So it must be the military. Just like in Spike’s comics.”

“A Skull Crusher fan and a necromancer aren't mutually exclusive, though.” Starlight paused. “Wait, did you say comics?”

“We don't have much time,” Twilight announced as she rose to her full height. “Once the troops can be trusted, we'll deal with this situation post-haste.”

“I- alright, I guess we've got a bit of time.” Starlight relented, hoping this wouldn't get out of control.

Chapter Three: Sleepless

Starlight brought up the report of the guard interrogations and slammed it down on Twilight's desk. “Alright, every guard has been interrogated and found innocent. Can we move past this crazy theory of yours?”

Twilight frowned, bringing a hoof to her chin. “Hmmm, it must have been a crazy scientist, then.”

“I'll take what I can get.” Starlight teleported the report into the volcano. “Now, since we’ve completely failed to do any containment procedures, the zombie horde has grown considerably and is now trying to get into Canterlot. The guard has managed to make a defensive line to push them back, but they'll tire eventually and will need to fall back to a retreat position. What do we do?”

“Have the ponies from the surrounding villages been evacuated into the city?”

“Yes – those that managed to survive the horde, at least. We've made an improvised camp near the front gate for them to stay.”

“Have they been checked for bites?”

“Yes. All of them.”

“Did you use dogs?”

Starlight blinked. “Use… dogs?”

“Yes, to sniff out the infection.”

“That’s… what? How would that even work? How would we even get that many dogs? They're as rare as dragons.”

“I'll take that as a no…” Twilight said grimly as she stood up, and started to walk towards the window.

Starlight followed her with her eyes. “What are you doing?”

“I can't risk the infection spreading within the city.” Twilight said as she looked out the window overseeing Canterlot and lit her horn with her purple aura.

“Wait! I can assure you we've been very thorough in our searches. There's no way that-” A blinding flash of magic forced Starlight to stop, closing her eyes and looking away. Then she felt the entire castle shake as if an earthquake had hit, and then the blast of sound and heat came last.

She quickly ran over to the window and witnessed the large mushroom cloud coming from the crater that was once the front gates to Canterlot.

“It had to be done,” Twilight said somberly. “We can't risk a hidden bite dooming us all.”

“Oh, but blowing up our first line of defense is fine?! That's where our troops were meant to retreat to! What will they do now?!”

“Their sacrifice will be remembered, they're heroes.”

“You thought they caused this just a few hours ago.” Starlight sighed. “Wait, can you nuke the zombies?"

Twilight chuckled "Oh, Starlight, everyone knows nukes only make zombies more powerful. We don't want glowing ones, do we?"

Starlight blinked. “What's a glowing one?”

“I'll explain when we've more time. For now, we need to set up a barricade along the non-infected areas to keep the zombies from reaching further into the city.”

Starlight sighed. “It won't compare to actual walls made of structurally stable stone, but I guess it's the best we got. I'll give the orders.”

Chapter Four: Dewdrops on the Grass

Halberd still bloodied from the countless zombies he’d carved through on his way up the mountain from the downslope village, Flash landed amid the defenders near the front gates. He was quickly met by a lieutenant, a grey unicorn mare with a purplish mane, who barked out, “Sentry, there you are! Where in Tartarus have you been?”

Flash held up his halberd. “Surviving the worst interrogation ever. My whole platoon went zombie, ma’am.”

“Damn it, that’s the fifth one.” She spat into the ground. “I don’t know what the higher-ups are thinking. We can’t hold these zombies off if we can’t keep a solid plan together for more than five seconds!”

“Yes, ma’am,” Flash said flatly, taking up a defensive position with the others and casually slicing a pegasus zombie in half as it dove at him. “What are our orders?”

“We’re to hold here as long as we can, then retreat to the front gates. Those ought to hold them off, at least the ground-bound ones.”

Her horn lit, sending a sword flying through the air to decapitate several more pegasus zombies. “Good thing these ones can’t seem to fly more than a couple dozen meters off the ground, or we’d really be sunk.”

“BRAINS!”

Flash’s halberd swung out, penetrating the throat of yet another zombie before his hoof kicked out to send it sprawling to the dirt. “We should retreat already; we’re going to be overwhelmed if we keep this up.” He pointed with his halberd towards the horde crawling along the train tracks, slowly but inevitably making their way up.

“Right. Sergeant, sound the call! All hooves, re--”

BOOOOOOOM!

Flash squeezed his eyes shut in time to avoid the flash of light as a shockwave blasted through them, sending dust and sand everywhere for several long moments before it faded, allowing him to look up to see what had happened.

The front gates were gone. Along with most of the fortified walls. What debris was left was covered in the purple signature of the Queen herself.

And yet, somehow he didn’t feel the least bit surprised. “Well, so much for that.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” the lieutenant groaned.

“Braiiiiiins…”

“Ngggggh…”

“Huungrrrrryyyyyy!”

As the two soldiers stood back to back fending off zombies, another pegasus soldier came flitting from the castle. “Orders from Queen Twilight, ma’am!” he reported, deftly flitting to the side to avoid the clumsy grab from an earth pony zombie. “We’re to set up a defensive perimeter further into the non-infected areas of the city, to hold them off.”

“Oh, sure, now she wants us to hole up and use walls, after blowing up our best defense!”

Those were the lieutenant’s last words as a group of zombies jumped onto her, tearing out her throat before Flash could intervene.

The remaining soldiers all around looked to him straight away for help. Sighing once more, he pointed with his halberd towards the train station further up the mountain. “This way, and for goodness’ sake, cover each other!”

“Flaaaaasssshhhh… braaaaaains!”

His halberd took the head off the zombified lieutenant as he began to flee. This was proving to be one long day.

Chapter Five: Sleepless

Starlight walked over to Twilight's desk once again, her mane a bit frazzled from the stress of the situation. Not the zombies, mind, she could probably blast half the horde with a single spell. Instead, her worry was the crazy amounts of friendly fire Twilight seemed to be willing to do for the ‘survival’ of the city. "Okay... the scavenger teams are about to go out, but please explain to me one more time: Why are we sending the most able-bodied ponies outside the makeshift walls when the zombies are, like, right there?!"

Twilight, who for some reason had an eyepatch on her left eye now, answered with a soft voice reminiscent of Celestia. "We'll need food and supplies to survive the coming winter, otherwise it'll be just a matter of days till ponies resort to cannibalism."

"It's been barely a day since this started.” Starlight deadpanned. “We've got a large stockpile of food already in the city’s stockpiles. Also, wouldn't it be easier to just send pegasi? Even the flying zombies can't fly very well, they’ve got no coordination and easy to avoid while airborne."

Twilight shook her head, as if disappointed by her student. "I'm thinking long-term, Starlight, we'll need to survive for years till the zombies die of starvation."

"Ooooor, you could think short-term and solve the problem instead of dragging it out unnecessarily?” Starlight offered with a forced smile, which got no reaction from Twilight. “At least don't send already safe ponies to their most-likely horrible deaths."

The alicorn waved her hoof dismissively. "Oh, don't worry about that. I added mercy bombs to their gear in case of that."

“You wha-” Starlight didn't even flinch as a series of explosions were heard in the distance. She simply let out a heavy sigh. "I think you didn't take into account the fact that they would be staying close together."

Starlight walked over to the window to inspect the damage. "Well, the barricade wall is now destroyed, and the zombies are now swarming the stockpiles where all the food’s at. Perfect."

“That's… quite the problem.” Starlight's eyes widened as Twilight seemed to finally snap out of her delusions. “We'll close the gates to the castle, we can't afford to feed the rest of the city. We'll have to survive off of what we have here.”

“So… we're straight up leaving ponies behind now?” Straight paused. “Actually, I think they might have better chances that way.”

Chapter Seven: Sleepless

Starlight walked back from the kitchen, holding a bloodied frying pan and a bagel in her magic. She took a bite of the pastry and used the pan to bludgeon another zombie on her way to Twilight's office.

Right as she was about to turn the handle, one of the zombified nobles moved up to her, intending to bite her flanks, only to suddenly stop, sniff the air, and lift his nose at her before walking away.

A couple of bludgeoning strikes later, Starlight finally entered the office. "Alright, I didn't want to do this, but the zombies are now literally at our doors."

Twilight, now wearing leather straps and a sheriff hat, let out a defeated sigh. "Sorry, Starlight, but the gun is always empty when you try to use your last shot. I could-"

Starlight didn't indulge her this time. "I'm gonna go find Discord and tell him to snap his finger and fix all this mess."

The alicorn looked as if she had been struck, betrayal on her eyes. "W-what?! But, how are you gonna reach him?"

Starlight rolled her eyes. "I can fly!” She levitated herself to demonstrate. “You can too, but I guess that would ruin your last stand against the horde or something."

Twilight looked away. “N-no.”

Starlight rolled her eyes and flew through the window over the doomed city.

"You can't just snap your problems away with Discord! We already talked about solving your problems with magic! What about friendship and stuff?!" Twilight shouted from the window.

"You can friendly-kiss my cutiemarks as I friendly-ask Discord to solve this and then I friendly Prench my marefirend tonight!" Starlight shouted back.

Twilight crossed her hooves and sulked. “You're no fun.”

Epilogue: Dewdrops on the Grass

A finger and a thumb. That’s all it took for Discord to wipe out the zombie plague, restoring the life of every pony that had been zombified in the process.

Well, except for some of the nobility. Evidently even his magic had limits. Not that Flash thought it was any real loss at all, especially not from his cushy hospital room, where he’d had to heal from the injuries he’d sustained. Injuries that were quite minor, all things considered. Exhaustion was more of an issue than the injuries themselves had been.

He tried to have words with Queen Twilight too, but she’d refused to see him. Something about how she “should have listened to Starlight” and “there’s no need for two sensible ponies to scream at me.”

Whatever that meant.

But it was enough that Flash decided he was going to move back to the Crystal Empire. Forget Canterlot. He’d take the cold and the higher salary over risking even a single second longer in the presence of Queen Twilight’s messed-up decision making.

So as his train pulled into the Crystal Empire station and he flew with his suitcase back to the castle, he was hopeful, happy, even.

That was, until the skies went dark, and something appeared, firing a green surge of energy down onto the Crystal Empire’s shield.

“FLASH!”

Flash looked up with a start to see Captain -- no, Prince Shining Armor standing there. “Sir?”

“Good to see you’re back. We’re going to need your help. The empire’s under siege.”

“...no. No, please don’t --”

“From aliens!”

Flash dropped his suitcase.

“But don’t worry Flash, I’ve got the perfect plan!”

And Flash’s face fell into his forehooves

“For pony’s sake.”