Oh Deer

chapter 10

...

I'm... awake.

...

My body feels a rush of warmth.

I open my eyes, I am no longer surrounded by a blizzard.

My body gains feeling again. I find myself wrapped within a soft, silk robe.

"Don't be afraid..."

"Just rest your head."

____________________________________________

My body woke up before my mind did. I found myself sitting up in... a bed... certainly not mine. I look around, my vision is still blurry. I try lifting a leg, but it seemed to be limp, barely awake. Suddenly, an utterance made me jump slightly, it came from my right.

"What you have done was very stupid," He said. It was Albern Reh.

"Reh..?" I croaked under my breath. I choked up a cough.

"The windigos almost got to you," he said. He and his piercing magenta eyes slowly approached me and sat down carefully, right beside me and the bed. I scratched my eyes and suppressed a yawn, "huh..?"

"Windigos. They are a notorious species," he started. I could only understand a few of his words, as my hearing still mainly consisted of high-pitched ringing. I said nothing, just turning my head and laying back down.

"They feed off of an ungulate's hatred. The moment they sense it, they hunt for it."

I didn't follow, I just yawned again and tucked my head into the bed. I winced and turned to him, still layingo n my side,

"Why did they come for me..?"

His face changed, and he shut his eyes.

"How am I hateful?" I asked again, my voice raised up in volume.

He slowly got up and walked into the other room, seeming to dismiss my question.

"Hey, wait," I called. I coughed again and tried to satisfy a tickle in my throat. In short notice, I heard the soft steps of his hooves get closer as he returned with a large book clamped in his thin muzzle. He sat down, and I squinted at the title of the book, "Equestria's Demise." He gently laid it down beside me. I... don't understand. I never read this book. I only knew of it because of Reed-Tail. I knew of it because of his meandering rants about pony-kind.

"Hate is not confined to one soul, you see. It spreads. It almost leaks from one soul to the next like a spreading disease."

I said nothing.

"The deer you have surrounded yourself with had caused you to gain some hatred yourself."

I struggled to sit up, and I ended up plopping onto my bed again. I groaned,

"Who sent these "windigos" anyway? The ponies?"

Reh sighed and looked out the window for a moment. I did the same, and I saw the turbulent, white snow particles flying through the woods.

"That's exactly it," he said,

"Your undeniably large grudge against the pony race, and everything they sought after."

"The ponies deserved to be hated," I grumbled. Reh hushed me,

"Quiet. The windigos are more than capable of hearing us through these walls. And... knocking them down no less-"

"The windigos can lick my rear!" I shouted. I burried myself into the bed again. Reh sighed in disapproval,

"There is one more thing that causes you immense hatred," he started,

"Your father. Swirling River of the White-Tails."

"What do you know about my father?" I hissed.

"Many things," he replied.

"That he once sought to be the greatest White-Tail leader Equestra has ever known. That he always wanted to be the best in everything he did. Soon, he got his wish, but he also earned a great deal of envy."

"Yeah. I know. He likes ponies," I muttered.

"That is not all," Reh started,

"He wanted to spread his lineage for generations. He wanted countless offspring to carry the mantle for him. He saw all of the other deer leaders and their endless offspring, their healthy lineages, according to him. Of course, he only had one. You. Primarily because your mother was... let's just say, infertile."

I rose up from my bed, baffled,

"How do you know all of this?"

He seemed to ignore my question, and prepared to speak again,

"He was livid. He associated himself less and less with deer-kind, abandoning his position as leader. He soon discovered the pony race and their mind-blowing innovations, and clung onto them as a desperate way to forget his deer roots. And to forget about you and your mother. That is why he abandoned the tribe when the timberwolves arrived for the first time. He left the village in the dust, as well as leaving you behind, while also engaging in an act of pure anger and violence upon your mother that cannot be overlooked by any-deer with a shroud of morality."

I stared blankly at Reh as he spoke, and he stared at me back with his bright pink eyes. And, like usual, he never blinked once.

"Your father's hatred for your mother led to your hatred for him. It also, undoubtedly led to your hatred for ponies... and, well, those two elements combined create just the right amount of hatred in your soul for the windigos to feast."

"I have every right to hate him," I said,

"He is unforgivable."

"Perhaps. But let that be a lesson for you to not end up like your father," Reh replied calmly.

____________________________________________

About an hour had past and the blizzard began to dissipate. I got to rest my head for that time, and I even slept for a while.

I woke up again, and I expected Albern Reh to leave me like he did the last time. But, to my surprise, he returned into the room with a tray in his mouth. He sat down and set the tray beside me on a small table that up until this point I had not noticed at all. The tray had several highly detailed frosted cookies, seemingly fresh and still warm. I eyed them for a moment, my stomach grumbled.

"The first step to alleviating hatred is to indulge in the very thing you hate."

I said nothing.

"These are freshly baked Hearth's Warming cookies. Baked by a pony, and made and inspired by pony tradition."

I observed the designs. One appeared to be a brown cottage, its roof adorned with white frosting. Next to it was in the shape of a red and white-striped cane. each and every cookie on the tray had a different shape, not one looked the same as the other.

"Well, enjoy," Reh smiled. I simply glared back. I picked up a random cookie from the tray with my hesitant hoof, and plopped it whole into my mouth. THe extremely sweet frosting and shortbread mixed together overstimulated my taste buds, and I swallowed quickly. With the cookie, I felt myself swallow an additional pile of guilt.

"The mare who treated me with these cookies commented on my antlers. She said it was a nice hat."

"That's because she's ignorant," I muttered. Reh nodded,

"Perhaps. But, even so, her energy was quite charming... she seemed very bright and joyful and welcoming."

I said nothing, and I bit into another cookie. Small crumbs landed on my bed as I chewed the overly sweet treat.

"You seem to be enjoying these pony cookies," he teased lightly.

"I'm hungry. It doesn't mean I enjoy them," I grunted to myself.

"But you are eating them nonetheless, therefore supporting the pony-run bakery that provided you with the cookies."

I said nothing again. I swallowed the cookie quickly and tried my best to not taste the sweetness of the frosting. I rolled over on my bed and sighed. Reh sighed too,

"The pink mare was,according to her, quite new to baking. What I assume to be her parents were there helping her out-"

"Okay. What's this all about, hm? I'm eating the dang cookies okay? I don't care about this pink pony you talk about. Now leave me alone."

Reh said nothing. He slowly grabbed "Equestria's Demise" with his front hooves, opening a random page. I observed him momentarily as he eyed down the pages with his piercing magenta eyes. Then, he passed me a glance, then observed the book again. I grumbled and tried shutting my eyes, my stomach still felt deprived of food, but I would rather starve than to indulge in pony food.

"This book is... fascinating," he said softly, trailing off. He flipped a page, and seemed to be taken aback by something, giving the page a quizzical yet disapproving glance,

"This book has got it all wrong," he muttered,

"It blames the Princess of the Sun for the numerous wars." Reh carefully lifted the cover and shut the book, all the while eyeing me down,

"The Princess tried to prevent these wars... both of them..."

I raised an eyebrow, "both?" I asked. He nodded,

"The Princess of the Sun and her sister, the Princess of the Moon. They are known as Celestia and Luna respectively."

I said nothing, only listening to Reh's soft voice as I sunk into my bed again,

"A millenium ago, Luna was casted to the moon upon the envy for her sister. Old pony legend states that the ponies and other creatures of Equestria would celebrate the day, and sleep at night. The night would earn a negative reputation over time, that of darkness and evil. All of those elements caused Luna to snap, becoming envious, rebelious, defiant, and evil..." Reh paused for a second,

"Celestia had to act fast. Luna brought about terror and fear amongst the ponies, and so, Celestia banished her for good. Alas, that led into an age of discourse and despair which we still live today. There was a reason why two sisters ruled Equestria."

"After Luna's banishment, the ponies began to grow exponentially in population. What started out as one single village soon became a giant empire of ponies all throughout the land. They began to defy Princess Celestia, no longer putting their faith into her. Soon, they grew in such unstable numbers that they began to grow greedy for more land, thus, the Cattle-Pony war, the Great Buffalo War, and the decline of Deer and Kirin. At the same time, Kirin rampaged several small Pony villages, killing many young fillies and colts to "stop the next generation". Dragons became hostile and greedy and burned many pony establishments to the ground, and covered the skies with thick, black smog. Nearly every race of ungulate was at war with each other, finding numerous ways to kill each other off. Because of Celestia's struggles to maintain Equestria, it practically crumbled onto itself. Harmony became disharmony, and the land was soon covered by a perpetual darkness."

I laid in silence and looked up at Reh. He looked down on me like he had for the past half-hour. He shut his eyes and let out a slow exhale from his nostrils as he slowly rose to his hooves,

"Do not get it twisted, though. This all happened many centuries ago. While it is true that the effects of these things linger, the times have changed... mostly for the better."

"But it did happen," I said back.

"Yes, but the young ponies are not responsible for what their ancestors had caused."

I said nothing, shutting my eyes. A part of me wanted to agree with Reh, and I tried to suppress that part of me as much as I could. I turned over with my back facing Reh, I wasn't even sure if he was still there, but then he spoke again,

"The pink mare that has given me these cookies, as well as all of the new, young ponies growing up today are not to blame for the past. In fact, they wish to change their past, to make up for it."

"What's there to change? The damage has been done already," I grumbled.

"But not by them. That is what you must realize."

I was in silence again. I tried to ignore his point, but then I remember leaving Swirling River's house to see that farmer pony, Applejack, how she lended a helping hoof to the poor ponies in that village. How she lended a helping hoof to a cattle family, and how joyful that family was after her help. I recall Fluttershy's friendliness, her calm, timid quality in all of our interactions... A part of me wants to believe that there are many Applejack's and Fluttershy's out there, but can I be so sure?

"Visit her again," he said.

I faced him and raised an eyebrow.

"Visit Fluttershy," he said again,

"and tell her the truth."

____________________________________________

I left the hut with Albern Reh. The blizzard and the windigos had vanished already, and all that remained was a thick layer of snow on the ground, and a white outline on all of the tree branches. We walked down the completely empty village. We walked past Rising Bud's and Maple Blade's hut. We walked past Sap Joy's hut. We walked past Reed-Tails' hut. Each and every one as empty and desolate as the next.

I looked over my shoulder, Albern Reh continued to look me down, like I had something on my face. I looked down on the pure white snow, I felt its warm coldness underneath my hooves. I felt a soft, chilly breeze caress my fur coat. I also felt the presence of something... particularly everytime I walked down this path. Perhaps the spirits of the deer that once walked the same path I walk, that ate the same leaves I eat, the ones that spread a joy throughout the village. A joy that now I no longer feel. I feel like they took their joy into the afterlife, and I am now left in a world of misery.

"I shall not interject any further," Reh said softly from behind. I looked at him,

"Must you leave?" I asked.

"I will return. But, do what you must do first."

I nodded in an unsure manner, and I looked down the continuous, snow-covered path. I began to walk away from Albern Reh, and I didn't turn back. I just kept walking.

I do not know for how long I walked. The scenery barely changed, but when it did, I took note of it briefly before returning back into endless thought.

After a while, I felt helpless, but also tricked. I found myself in the middle of a part of the thicket that I was not familiar with.

I turned back and observed the same scenery all around me. Trees, more trees, and snow. I sighed in apparent defeat as I tried to find my way back. Soon, I heard a voice. Her voice,

"Cinnamon?"

I saw a yellow pegasus stare me down a few paces away. Her bright yellow fur was a bright contrast from the white snow,

"Fluttershy..." I said under my breath. I inched up to her and she smiled lightly,

"I... didn't expect to see you...here..."

____________________________________________

Fluttershy and I headed back to my hut. She, at one point, pointed out how quiet it was in the village. I told her that my friends and family once lived in those huts, and she then asked of their current situations. The truth is, I do not know. I do not know where Reed-Tail is, I do not know where Swirling River and Succulent Cinnamon will live now. I don't know the future of Rising Bud's and Maple Blade's relationship. What I did know, however, is what I experienced upon their leave, so, that is what I spoke about.

And, she would become the first pony to hear my story. The first pony to ... empathize with me. And, in such an immense level, that I felt a pity for her, as she felt an overwhelming pity for me. After I had finished explaining, I did not expect any form of remorse to arise from her, and right in that moment I had been proven wrong. She clung onto my hoof with her's as she wept continuously, her body shaking so much that I felt my hoof vibrate from within her grasp.

______________________________________

That experience... told me something. It told me that, as much as I am afraid to admit it, Reh was right. And it also seemed that nearly everything he spoke was of undeniable truth.

However, I like to believe that I also carry my own truth. Particularly the one that I have experienced throughout my life. And as much as that yellow pegasus may have wept for me, none of her weeping could change my life and the errors of her kind.

Does that mean that I still carry hatred for the entirety of their race? Perhaps not.

I still feel indifferent about many things. Particularly weak-links in my own family lineage, and certain deer that share my blood.

But perhaps, I can shift my hatred to just that, rather than to project it onto an entire race of separate ungulates, who grew and developed in their own way, and never grew a personal hatred towards me.

It must be an impersonal hatred then, one casted onto our whole race.

I will never forgive them for their introduction of Timbers in the area, nor the disregard for our homeland upon the creation of their metallic steam-carts. But at the same time, Fluttershy's new generation of ponies are not the ones who did these things. Not even their parents are held accountable.

I don't feel like casting that blame onto that yellow pegasus, or the kind apple farmer, or that pink mare. Perhaps there are others like them. And, I can only hope that I’m right.

I also hope that this story will eventually be told to the young ponies, because perhaps it will awaken something within them. Maybe Fluttershy will tell her friends about what I told her.

Perhaps then, they will seek ways to unite the world. Perhaps they will preach friendship and harmony. Of course, I can only hope for these things, however. I have no power to motivate an entire race to undo their wrong-doings, and they will have to learn to do it on their own. They would have to learn about my story, and the story of the white-tail deer.

I’m sitting in my hut today. I look out the window and see white flurries falling continuously from the milky-white sky. I approach the window slowly in silence, and just past a few trees ahead, I see Reh, staring at me down from the distance with a big smile on his face.

I open the door and I try to approach him, eyes fixed on him. I trip on something. I see a small little gift box at my hooves, and I pick it up and take it inside. Attached to it is a letter, signed by Fluttershy,

Happy Hearth's Warming! I didn't know what exactly to give you, but I hope you like it. I told my parents about you, and they also wanted to apologize for what ponies did in the past. I'm gonna go hang out with Applejack and Pinkie Pie today. Some of my other friends might come but I'm not sure. Oh, and actually, Applejack told me that she saw a deer just outside of Ponyville, and when I asked her who it was, she said it was a "Cinnamon fella", so I guess that's you. We live in a small world, huh? Anyway, I think this letter is getting too long now. You don't have to come, but if you want to, these are the directions,

-Fluttershy

Below the writing was a crudely drawn map that showed directions to a pony town, labeled "Ponyville". For a moment, I just stared at the map. But after a while, I was curious and I opened the little gift box. Inside, there was a tiny, pink woven heart. I took a closer look and "Happy Hearth's Warming from the Shy's" was written on the back.

I was mildly confused, but then, gradually, I felt deep emotions rise from me. I began to weep as I held the tiny heart close against my chest. I shut my eyes and hot tears burned my cheeks. But, it wasn't a sob of pain though. In fact, this was the first time that I ever felt like some-deer, or, some-pony, understood me to this level, and cared this much for me ever since my mother died. As I think it through, did Reed-Tail truly care for me as much as I had thought?

Then, I must ask myself again, why did my tribe truly fail? What truly led to the demise of the White-Tails? It seems like an answer that is becoming more and more obvious. Perhaps it was the timber wolves, or the steam-carts. Perhaps it was my father who failed to lead then. But, maybe, just maybe, it was our lack of a tight bond, a lack of family, the lack of friendship.

Then, with that conclusion,

I guess we are broken.