New Messages

by Boltstrike58

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Narcotics, Comedy, Equestria Girls, Adagio Dazzle, Sunset Shimmer
Length: 1008

Sunset Shimmer calls Adagio Dazzle. Chaos ensues.

Sunset Shimmer's been leaving messages on Adagio's voicemail, which is nothing new. However, the content of these messages is a bit...disturbing.

My 50th pony fic! Another short comedy story. Guys, don't take this seriously. Narcotics tag is only for implied usage.

Published 2024-10-02 02:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2024-10-02 02:00:01 UTC

Wait, what?

You have six new messages.

"You've reached the voicemail of Adagio Dazzle. Leave a message, and if you're worth my time, I'll return it. Leave your number and—SONATA, PUT THAT DOWN!"

Beep! Message one.

"Dagi! Shimmer. I have had it. I had this great idea for a song, and Rainbow bumped it from our concert because she said it was too angsty! I cannot take her bull crap anymore! I want her taken OUT! Do you hear me?! OUT! And when you're done, throw her multi-colored scalp into Applejack's backyard! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Beep! Message two.

"Hey, Adagio, hey...it's Sunset again. Oh boy...there was something really wrong with me when I called you last night. I'm not even sure what it was. I think what happened is we were all having a joint before the concert, and Rainbow and I got into an argument. Thankfully, I don't remember any punches being thrown, or anything. Look, I kinda lost my temper, so please do not, assuming you haven't already, uh take Rainbow out. If you already did, we'll use that emergency exit we always planned where we run away to Cuba. Okay? Thanks, sorry."

Beep! Message three.

"OH, YEAH, DASHIE THINKS SHE'S SO HIGH AND MIGHTY! SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO SAY HI TO ME IN THE HALLS! AND IT'S OKAY WHEN SHE PLAYS HER STUPID SONG AT FULL BLAST IN THE TOUR BUS! YOU KNOW WHAT? LET'S TAKE HER DOWN A LITTLE! I WANT HER WAKING UP IN BED SCREAMING FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE! DO YOU CATCH MY DRIFT?! DO YOU, GODDAMMIT?!"

Beep! Message four.

"Hey, hi, Dagi. Sunset Shimmer here. Okay, so last night, Pinkie basically dared all of us to start ingesting packets of pure sugar, and to see how many each of us could go for without barfing. I came in third place, with seven packs. You're lucky Pinkie and Twilight don't have your number, my ears still hurt from the screaming. Look, I really don't want you to traumatize Rainbow Dash, so just for safety's sake, let's have a code phrase, okay? If I tell you to, let's say, shave a yo mama joke into the back of her head, that means I'm serious, but if I don't, it means I'm just drunk and high or something, and you can ignore it. Like I said, though, I really don't want you to hurt Rainbow, alright? Thank you, sorry again!

Beep! Message five.

"...AND WHEN YOU'RE DONE BURNING HER, I WANT THESE WORDS SHAVED THROUGH HER HAIR, YOU HEAR ME?! 'YO MAMA'S SO FAT, PRINCESS CELESTIA IMPRISONED NIGHTMARE MOON IN HER!' YOU GOT THAT, DAGI?! MAKE HER SUFFER! HA!"

Beep! Message six.

"Hello, it's Sunset again, sorry. Hey, we need to come up with a new code phrase, um. See, last night, we were taking shots, and seeing who could come up with the best yo mama joke. At least I think that's what happened. Anywho, the point is, I really don't want you to violently murder Rainbow. Okay? Call me when you get this, maybe we can come up with a better code. Oh, and say hi to Aria and Sonata for me, thanks!"

Beep! End of messages.

Beep! You have one new message.

"Hey, you've reached Sunset Shimmer's phone. I'm away right now, but leave your name and number and I'll get back to you. Thanks!"

Beep! Message one.

"Hey, uh, Sunset? It's Adagio. I got your messages, and I must say, I'm surprised it took you this long to snap. If I had to constantly hang around those six numb nuts you call friends, I would've lost it, too. So how are we disposing of Rainbow Dash? Gimme a call when you feel like knocking her down a few pegs, okay? But I refuse to do that shaving business, alright? Call me."

Beep! End of messages.

You have one new message.

"You've reached the voicemail of Adagio Dazzle—"

Beep! Message one.

"Hey, Dagi, it's—GET BACK HERE! It's Sunset again. Or Sunset for the first time. I WILL CATCH YOU! If you're wondering what's up with the screaming, I'm currently chasing Twilight (the human one, not the princess) around the school. Apparently, she had an argument with Rainbow Dash, and decided to use her new voice synthesizer to prank us both by sending you some 'funny' messages from my phone. But then she kept having second thoughts, and sent those 'sober' messages. YOU LITTLE PURPLE NERD, I WILL MAKE YOU PAY! Anywho, the point is, I really don't want you to hurt Rainbow. Also, I'm shocked you actually believed those messages came from me, do I seem like the kind of person who'd hire you to take out someone? Don't answer that, by the way."

Beep! End of messages.

You have one new message.

"Hey, you've reached Sunset Shimmer's—"

Beep! Message one.

"Oh, Sunset, you don't have to pretend with me. Of course I'll deal with your little athlete friend! We won't even need to run away to Cuba! Besides, Europe is much nicer this time of year. Want me to take out the party planner while I'm at it? Call me!"

Beep! End of messages.

You have one new message.

"You've reached—"

Beep! Message one.

"Um...hello, Adagio, this is Twilight Sparkle. The human one. I'm doing this under threat of getting a wedgie from Sunset. Anyway, I'm calling to confess that I was the one who sent you those 'insane' voicemails, disguising my voice as Sunset's. No, I do not want you to violently murder Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, or anybody, and no, that last message that was actually from Sunset was not in code that you didn't discuss beforehand. Please do not attempt to take out our friends, or dig up dirt on them. Okay, I said it, can you stop glaring at me now?! Sheesh, you can't take a joke."

Beep! End of messages.

As the message came to an end, Adagio Dazzle rolled here eyes. "I will never understand them," she proclaimed.