Jackass Equestria

by CortezDude

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Second Person, Alternate Universe, Rainbow Dash, Other, Princess Luna, Comedy, Profanity, Violence, Princess Celestia, Pinkie Pie, Slice of Life, Crossover, Sex, Human
Length: 3106

The Jackass Crew and the Equestrian Jackasses do some stunts and pranks in Equestria.

Jeff Tremaine along with the Jackass Crew and their Equestrian Jackass friends decide to do a new movie in Equestria so that they can give the adult ponies a laugh of immature pranks and stunts.

P.S. Ryan Dunn didn't die in this alternate universe.

Sex tag is for nudity and genital mention.

Published 2024-10-05 18:10:00 UTC
Last updated 2024-10-14 17:56:22 UTC

The Rat Zapper 2

Celestia who was not in her royal regalia, sat in a armchair with her forehooves cuffed in the chair while on her crotch and to be specific, her clitoris was hooked up in an electric mouse trap with a metal toy mouse that cranked up to max power and standing on both sides were her younger sister, Luna along with Johnny, Steve, Wee Man, Ehren, Rachel,& Preston

She took a deep breath and told you readers on what it is, "That lovely contraption you see here kills rats with electricity.", Wee Man gestured to the trap, "That's a metal rat which is hooked up to my clit. I'm Princess Celestia and this is the Mouse Trap 2", everyone laughed when she said that

"Okay, Tia; the safe word is Don Vito.", Johnny told her as he got the toy rat and cranked it up. When it was done, he put it down and the toy rat started to move towards the trap

Wee Man pointed at the toy rat, "Look there it goes"

"Oh shit", muttered Rachel

Steve looked towards Celestia, "Your clit's not gonna be the same just like my nuts back in 3.5"

"Oh fuck......", Celestia exasperated as the rat went towards the trap and when it went inside, the trap activated, causing electricity to zap the Sun Princess in her clit and that caused her to scream in pain, "Ow fuck! Oh my Mom! Oh my goodness! Don Vito! Don Vito! Don Vito! Don Vito! Don Vito!"

Celestia painfully struggled to free herself whilst getting zapped by the electric mouse trap. Ryan turned the trap off while she clutched her crotch in pain as Luna asked her a question, "Did it hurt, Sis?"

"What do you think?!", Celestia retorted back as Rachel uncuffed her at once

"Nice job, Tia!", Ehren congratulated her in which Celestia gave hi-5s to them

She turned to Johnny and tried to give him a hi-5, "I....uh....you touched your bloody clit with it", and instead, he gave her an elbow-5 instead

Everyone cringed in disgust when they realized that Johnny was right about Celestia touching her privates after the stunt.

Oddly Shaped Men (Equestrian Edition)

Ahh! Welcome to Ponyville, a small town in Equestria that is mostly favored by every creature in this land and beyond. Oh! What's this I see? Well if it isn't a naked Wee Man and a naked Preston themselves and what are they doing? Simple, reader; Preston is trying to chase Wee Man as usual

"Get back here, you little shit! Get back here this instant", Preston angrily called Wee Man out

Wee Man looked back and saw that Preston is nearly catching up to him as he ran faster than usual while everypony were looking at them with confusion

Preston grumbled, "Get back here! God damn it! Get back here!"

Soon, the duo made it into an alleyway and out came Preston who now had a horrified look etched on his face as he ran away because Wee Man was now chasing him along with a bunch of ponies that had dwarfism and now, the tables have been turned which caused everypony to look at them with the feelings of shock, surprise, and confusion on what they've seen before their very own eyes.

The Cheetah-Extreme Edition

Outside Canterlot Castle and in the gardens to be exact, Rainbow Dash wore goggles on her head for a while and her wings were tied with rope to protect herself from the stunt she was about to do for this chapter, reader. Meanwhile, Chris, Preston, Ehren, Rachel, Eric, Lyra, Star Bright, Bon Bon,& Silver Script had paintball guns and BB guns in their hands and hooves while on the other side were 2 I-460 Stingmore Mines

Rainbow prepped herself up and announced the stunt, "I'm Rainbow Dash and this is the Cheetah-Extreme Edition", she then put her goggles to protect herself. When she did that, the 9 Jackasses raised their guns, ready to do the stunt

"Ready!", Chris ordered, "Aim! Fire!"

Hails of paintballs and BB pellets hit Rainbow as she ran fast as she can, trying to avoid some and when she headed towards the riot rubber ball mines, they exploded and that caused some to hit her but she quickly managed to avoid some and managed to get out of harm's way, bloodied and bruised from the injuries she received

"Okay! Okay! Stop! Stop! That's enough, I'm fucking bleeding!", Rainbow called out and they all stopped

"Dude, I hit you a lot, Dash", Rachel told her

"Yeah, you got me really good"

Rainbow took off her goggles and ropes from her body. Afterwards, she showed them her bruises which were a lot from her body minus her face and wings. She was also bleeding from those bruises too

"Where did we hit you?", Lyra asked

Rainbow pointed the wounds with her hoof, "Right here. And here. And here too"

"Oh no, next to her pussy!", Preston exclaimed when he saw bruises next to Dash's privates

"Don't get wee-wee on it!", Bon Bon jokingly said and everyone laughed at it

"I think I beat Wee Man's ass on this one.", Rainbow gave a fist pump in the air, "Yes!"

She then headed to where the ambulance was so that she can get herself treated from the wounds she received from the paintballs, BB pellets,& rubber balls.

Introduction

REMINDER

The stunts in this story were performed by professionals, so for your safety and the protection of those around you, do not attempt any of the stunts you have just read.

Canterlot, Equestria

Ahh. Welcome to the capital city of Equestria: Canterlot, home of the high-class elites as well as the rulers of this land who are in the forms of 2 alicorn sisters. Right now in this bustling city, many nobles and tourists as well as citizens of this place were doing their usual activities such as talking, walking, trotting, dining in restaurants and cafes, shopping in jewelry and clothing stores, and more. Life is just as normal as it is now.....or is it?

Oh! What is this I see? Oh no.....it's a.....wait.....IT'S A STAMPEDE OF BULLS!! And in the cloudy fog caused by the bulls, there is a silhouette I see and it's coming into clear view right now. Wait, it's getting clearer and clearer. Alas! It's a massive shopping cart that contained 14 humans which are a mix of 13 men and 1 woman along with 9 ponies that too are a mix of 6 mares and 3 stallions, so that makes a total of 23 beings

Meet the Jackass crew and in the beginning of this chapter which you are now reading, dear reader of mine, is where the start of a new movie in this alternate universe and all of the OG Jackass crew members; both human and Equestrian are here along with new additions in this story which is like a movie

"But if it is a movie, shouldn't you animate it?

"Hey! I'm just the writer, so anyone can try to animate this shit, got it?!

*grumbling*, "Fine....."

Anyways, back to where I was trying to say. Oh yes! These Jackasses were in a shopping cart.....well minus 3 people to be exact because they were outside the cart and only 20 Jackasses inside it because one fatass is pushing the cart as fast as his fat body and muscles can while the other 2 tried to hold on either side of the cart as the group tried to evade the bull stampede along with trying to evade the citizens that were too, trying their best to escape the bull stampede at once before they get seriously hurt. Back on the cart, the 20 Jackasses were getting rowdy on their antics, so let's roll the cast while the cart is speeding to get away from the bulls, please!

JOHNNY KNOXVILLE

BAM MARGERA

STEVE-O

RYAN DUNN

CHRIS PONTIUS

DAVE ENGLAND

DANGER EHREN

WEE MAN

PRESTON LACY

SEAN "POOPIES" MCINNERY

ZACH HOLMES

ERIC MANAKA

RACHEL WOLFSON

CELESTIA

LUNA

PINKIE PIE

RAINBOW DASH

LYRA HEARTSTRINGS

BON BON

STAR BRIGHT

SILVER SCRIPT

NOTEWORTHY

And now, the cart was gaining enough speed that it was nearly getting away from the stampede, when director Jeff Tremaine ordered the cannons to blast out fake bricks and dust which hit some of them while the bulls were too confused by it, but somehow, some of them managed to get past the obstacles and made it towards the speeding shopping cart which is getting away from them

The cart now sped fast the road and Preston swerved the cart to the right side of the road in order to make it to it's destination and where is that destination you ask, reader? Well, their target is to be inside Canterlot Castle, duh!

"Okay, I'm sorry for the rudeness there, dear reader. I apologize for that"

So back to where we are, Preston, Dave,& Ehren let go off the cart and tried to run away from the bulls, screaming fearfully in hopes of not getting themselves impaled by any of their sharp horns. Preston managed to get his fat ass running as he tried to find a place to take cover. And sure enough, he did because he spotted an empty shop which is still open and when he opened the door, he jumped and landed on his belly in hopes the stampede won't hit him and luckily for him, they didn't

"Holy motherfuckers!", Preston exclaimed in shock

Ehren and Dave tried to run at maximum speed so that they can outrun the bulls that are chasing them and then, both men separated from each other, knowing that they wouldn't get hit by any stray bull if they're together. Dave took cover in a garbage bin just like in the 2nd Jackass film and the same thing that happened to him in Number Two, one of the bulls knocked the garbage bin down. Ehren on the other hand tried to find any place but he ran out of time and decided to climb up a pole and evade the stampede which managed to avoid him except for one steed which knocked the pole where Ehren is and he fell down afterwards, groaning in pain while the steed ran off to catch on with the shopping cart along with his kind as well

Back to where the others were in the shopping cart, the 20 Jackasses were speeding towards the back entrance of Canterlot Castle and when they saw the entrance, the Royal Sisters lit up their horns and used their magic as the cart turned towards the entrance with them hollering and screaming in their lungs while the bulls lagged behind and because of this, the herd decided to give up in an instant and Celestia in response, opened a portal where the herd entered and thus, the portal opened and they ended up in the Wild West back in America

The shopping cart was speeding towards it's final location in Canterlot Castle which is a whole bunch of empty crates and while they're celebrating their victorious escape from the bulls. It was time for Johnny to shout out loud his iconic line

"Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville and welcome to Jackass!"

The cart continued to go until the remaining Jackass members jumped out of the cart and crashed into the crates, causing them to groan and moan in pain after doing that. And thus, my reader; is where the stunts and pranks begin!

JACKASS EQUESTRIA

Puppet Show 2

The Jackass Crew and the Equestrian Jackasses were sitting on the floor and in front of them is a box and in a face cutout was none other than Chris Pontius who had a horrified expression on his face and the one who was going to do this stunt is the one and only Pinkie Pie!

"Okay, Boys and Girls as well as Fillies and Gentlecolts. It's time for a little puppet show ala dos!", she said as she unfurled her cape and it showed a tank that had a pair of snakes and not just any kind of snake but 2 Taipans to be exact. But don't worry, reader; the snakes been devenomized for their safety. But just to be safe, medics were in the room in case everything goes wrong with the stunt that they're doing as Pinkie decided to tell the 'story' to the gang

"Once upon a time in a lonely forest in Ponyville, there was 2 hungry serpents and a lonely couple in the form of 2 mice who needed some friends despite being married", and when Pinkie said that, Chris put his 2 dicks (courtesy of Celestia putting a temporary spell on it) who were dressed up as mice inside the large glory hole to start the stunt while the others were laughing and chuckling at it

Pinkie mimicked the 1st 'mouse', "Hello, Mr. Serpents, my name is Mr. Mousey and this is my wife, Mrs. Mousey"

"And me and my husband just wanna be your new friends!", Pinkie mimicked the 2nd 'mouse'

"Don't piss in the tank if you're scared as shit, Pontius", warned Dave which caused everyone to laugh

"Hey, honey", Mrs. Mousey asked him, "How about I tickle one of them in the belly"

And with that being said, Pinkie led Chris' real dick in the 1st Taipan while continuing the play and taunting the snake, "Hey! Mr. Taipan 1. I'm over here!", and when she decided to taunt it, the 1st snake nearly lunged on Chris' dick and now he was looking at the readers with fear on him getting bit as Mr. Mousey scolded the snake, "That's not nice of you, Mister! It is rude to attack others and that was an unpleasant thing to do!"

"Oh my Faust.....", Noteworthy breathed heavily

"Those snakes are just waiting for it", Wee Man noticed the Taipans getting agitated and ready to attack on Chris' temporary double dick

"Come on, end it for good", Rachel told Pinkie

Pinkie decided to end the 'play' as she mimicked the couple in unison, "Here we go, give us some kissies", the gang mimicked kissing sounds, "A little kiss"

And then, without warning, the Taipans lunged and bit on the double dick which caused everyone to roar in surprise and laugh at it along with Pinkie as well. Chris however was just shocked on the snakes attacking his double dick

"Oh my God! Oh God, it hurts", Chris exclaimed as he took his dicks off the hole along with the Taipans latching on it

"He got it's tooth stuck in your real dick", Zach pointed out while Chris shook the snake off his privates and ran away while giving a false scream and a half-smiled face

"I- um....well, I guess the puppet show's officially over, folks!", Pinkie chuckled

Everyone left the set afterwards while the 1st snake hung outside the hole of the snake tank.

Firehose Rodeo to the Max

Appleloosa

In this Wild West town in Equestria and outside it to be exact, Noteworthy was holding on to a firehose from a fire truck that they got from Earth as well as a crane too, while some of the Jackass crew; both human and Equestrian were watching him from out of harm's way

"I'm Noteworthy and just like what Dave England did in Jackass Number 2; I will attempt the Firehose Rodeo.....to the Max!," he told the readers and then turned towards the firefighters of the fire truck, "Crank it up!"

The men nodded and turned up the firehose to the max and soon, the hose started to blast water in a powerful rate that caused it to go wildly loose while Noteworthy was holding to it. The hose continued to spray wildly until the Earth Pony stallion's grip can no longer hold it and he let go, causing him to land on the ground, balls first

Everyone laughed and cheered at the stunt while Bam pointed at him whilst wheezing out of laughter, "Did you see how he slipped?", he asked them while pointing at Noteworthy

"Ow! Ow! Aah!", Noteworthy groaned and limped in pain, "Argh! My balls hurt so fucking bad!", everyone gathered around him and saw that he had a wound in his privates, "Hey, is it bleeding?"

"Oh jeez, it is bleeding", Bon Bon cringed

"Yeah, you are bleeding", Manny Puig told him

Ehren looked away, "Oh shit, that's gotta hurt"

"Oh, we have testicular bleeding. Another first from Jackass", Johnny announced which caused everyone to laugh in agreement

Noteworthy left in order to get treatment for his wounds after the stunt.

Medicine Ball Dodgeball 2

Outside a gym room in Ponyville that had been booked for Tremaine and the crew to film their stunt for the story, Bam Margera was outside and in his hands was none other than a medicine ball

"It's time for another round of medicine dodgeball and this time, I'm about to whoop their asses again along with my Equestrian asshole friends!", Bam announced and then threw the ball and smashed a can of beer, "It's on!", he then ran and jumped in which he clapped his feet and fell to the ground, "This is Medicine Dodgeball 2"

"In the dark but with more obstacles", Chris said and Ehren spat on the ground in response

The lights were shut off and Bam, Ryan, Chris, Ehren, Preston,& Dave along with some of their newcomers, Rachel, Eric, Poopies as well as their Equestrian friends, Celestia, Luna, Pinkie,& Rainbow started to throw their medicine balls into anyone and the rough horsing began. Some tripped in benches or sports equipment while others groped wildly in the dark and some managed to get medicine balls and others.....well.....got into some unfortunate stuff that I don't want to tell about

The dodgeball game continued on and on as some Jackass members moaned or groaned in pain and some were throwing more medicine balls at their friends, managing to hit some or miss some. The game was finally over because Preston said, "Game", and they finally stopped

"What'd you think about the rematch?", Bam asked

"That was fun. Like let's do that never again", Chris told them in which everyone laughed in agreement

"Ever!", Luna said and she threw her ball at Ehren

The others threw their balls at Ehren too and then left him there, lying and groaning while being curled into a ball to not get hit by anymore of the medicine balls that someone might throw at him.