Without A Hitch

by Perfectly Insane

Rating: teen
Tags: Dark, Alternate Universe, Comedy, Hitch Trailblazer, My Little Pony: A New Generation, Profanity, Mane 5
Length: 2106

It really does take just one bad day.

When society keeps making assumptions, behavior on those assumptions, and treat someone on something they don't know to be true, how much of that can one stallion take before they break?

Written with the help of Posh!

Published 2024-10-06 02:20:00 UTC
Last updated 2024-10-06 02:20:00 UTC

A Roll Down The Hill

It was midday in the market, bustling with customers and activity; it was saturday. Which meant everything was on sale, especially fruits and vegetables.

Peaches, in particular, was what Hitch was here for today. If he was going to confess to Sunny, he needed to bring some kind of gift to first gain her favor.

“Five bits.”

“Hitch, for the 69th time, these peaches are eight bits!”

“And I’m telling you if you wanted them out bad enough, you’d sell them for me for five!”

The line of ponies behind him groaned in sequence, muttering obscenities and scratching their hooves against the dirt.

“Goddamnit, Hitch! I’m already giving you the sheriffs discount, friends and family discount, and, fuck, even the ‘single dads’ discount that I made up for you to lower it to six. Its one fucking bit, man. You have the highest paying job out of anyone in Maretime Bay; I know you can afford it.”

“Can? Of course I can. But I can either afford those peaches, or afford to feed my son. Do you have any idea how expensive gems are? Do you?”

“Fucking,” the farmer placed hooves against their temples, rubbing them while squeezing his eyes shut. “I don’t know, very? Hitch, the reason I can’t haggle is because if I sell them for anything less than eight bits, I won’t make a profit. That’s why its called a market value!”

Hitch scoffed, spitting on the ground.

“If I pay any more than five bits, I might as well cross the street without looking both ways!”

“Holy shit, fine! Fucking take them!”

He shoved the peaches into a sack, throwing it at Hitch with nigh lethal force. Fortunately for Hitch, this exact exchange always played out whenever he haggled. He grabbed the sack by the neck, flipping the sack around and placing it over his back.

“Thank you for another successful business transaction, my friend.”

“Go make love to a cheese grater, Hitch.”

Hitch let out a hollow chuckle, turning on his heel and walking past the long line of customers. Some of them let out sighs of relief, none of them met his gaze. Which was fine with him; he didn’t owe them the time of day when he was off-duty.

Once he got far enough away, he craned his head, scowling and whispering to himself.

“Heh, what a ridiculous fool; I would have gone for far lower than five bits if he just put in more effort. Out of convenience, he gave in; we really do live in society.”

‘Society’.

What a fucking joke.

Full of biases and prejudice, stereotypes and hatred. Surrounded by ponies who’d spend twenty bits on a coffee, but somehow not have a single one to spare for a beggar.

It’s amazing how he’s surrounded by so many gorgeous mares, yet only one of them was worth pursuing.

Sunny Starscout.

Cliche as it was, there was no love like that of your foalhood friends. In a sea of masks, she was the sincerest pony he’d ever met. Hell, she ran a smoothie stand and still found time to fight for peace among the tribes.

Centuries have passed, and no mare has been quite like her except Princess Twilight Sparkle herself.

She was innocent, too innocent; to the point of naivety. One day, someone who’s perfected their silver tongue will deceive her into a relationship. Then, she’ll spend less time with her friends; with him!

And he’ll lose her.

That’s why, on this day, Hitch has gathered the resolve to finally confess his love for her.

After what felt like hours of passing by ponies who gave him expressions he’d seen dozens of times before, he made it to the lighthouse; his beacon in this shitty civilization.

“Alright, Hitch. You’ve practiced this in the mirror hundreds of times.”

He tapped his hoof against his chest, straightening his posture and standing strong. With a firm triple tap, he knocked on the door, quickly hearing the steps as they approached. Unconsciously, he began counting them as his anticipation grew, like an actor waiting for his cue.

“Oh, hey Hitch!” Her smile was all the light he needed. Sunny’s eyes dropped to the bag of peaches on his back, lighting up like the stars once the sun had set. “Are those peaches?! Oh my gosh, I was craving a peach smoothie today.”

“You’re craving them every day, Sunny.” Hitch walked in with a chuckle, slinging the bag over his shoulder and offering it to her. “How could I call myself your friend if I didn’t bring you your favorite?”

She took the bag, leaping forward and embracing him in a hug. No matter how many times she did so, he never got tired of it. Every time was like the first all over again, even that smell of flowers was fresh to his nostrils.

“You’re the best! Come on, there’s more than enough for two. I’ll make you one.”

She began walking towards the kitchen, he closed the door behind them and followed with vigor in each step. He watched in glee as she went through the process of making a smoothie, doing so with all the consideration and joy of any soon-to-be wife.

It almost made him forget all the bullshit he went through to get here.

“So, what brings you here today Hitch?” She gave him his smoothie, glittering with all the love it was made with. “Is everything ok with Sparky?”

“Oh yeah, everythings great! I just, well,” He’d dreamed about this moment, so, so many times. Why wasn’t he filled with elation? “There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you, for a while now, actually.”

“Oh?” Her head tilted to the side, uncertainty as prominent in her tone as the peaches were in the smoothie. That was, until it snapped straight again, her pupils constricting. “Oh! I think I know what this is about. Hitch, we all know already. Heck, I’ve known since we were foals.”

“W—what?” He nearly dropped his drink, stumbling back a few feet before shaking his head and trying to cover it up by clearing his throat. “Really?”

“Well, duh! No offense Hitch, but you hide it as well as Izzy hides a surprise party she’s about to throw. I’d bet all of Maretime Bay knows.”

“Wow. That’s uh,” Hitch let out an exasperated sigh, maybe that explained all of the looks and insults? “Kind of a relief, actually. And you’re okay with it?”

“Pffft, of course I am! Hitch, I love you no matter what!”

Hitch was shaking.

Euphoria racked his senses, so much so that a smile had been painted on his face as if he were a living canvas. Tingling reached his hooves, and he couldn’t help but jump like he was a colt again.

He was so happy, he nearly laughed. If only he didn’t hate his laugh.

“This is great! Oh, we have to let everyone know!”

“Hitch, everyone already knows!”

“Right. Uhm,” he tapped a hoof against his chin, shakily placing his smoothie on the counter. “Then we make it official! Have Izzy throw a party! A cake! I’ll even dress up Sparky!”

“Sure, if that’s what you want! I have a date with her later today, I’ll ask her then!”

‘Date.’

All the joy in his veins ran cold, warmth vanishing as if someone had blown out the candle of his heart.

“W—what?” Hitch’s vision deeply blackened, a sort of vertigo coming over him as his vision bounced back and forth. “But…I thought you knew? Didn’t you just say you loved me?”

“I do! Are you ok, Hitch?” She placed a hoof on his shoulder. “You look pale.”

“I—” he couldn’t form the words, a cloud of confusion coating his every thought.

In a stupor, he acted on instinct. Capturing Sunny’s lips on his own; a desperate attempt at expressing how he feels.

They were soft, and tasted like smoothies.

Alas, paradise was fleeting.

She pushed him away, slapping him in the side of his face with a hoof.

It was the first time she’d ever struck him.

“Hitch! What the hay! I just told you I’m in a relationship with Izzy!”

“But I love you!” He slapped his chest, voice raising so loud anyone outside of the lighthouse would have heard him. He didn’t care, he wanted the very skies to hear his profession. “I’ve always loved you, since we were foals!”

“What? But, Hitch,” she placed a hoof on her lips, blushing as furiously red as he’d ever seen. It’d be adorable were it not for the context. “I thought you were gay? Isn’t that…what you were just trying to tell me?”

“Gay?” He spat the term, as if it were taboo just to speak. Earth ponies version of ‘mayonnaise’, maybe. “Why would you think that?”

“Because you used to hang around with Sprout all the time! All your friends are mares; you’re a single dad for Twilight’s sake!”

He’d never heard Sunny yell like that before, at least not towards him.

The anger and accusation on her face made her look ugly. He hated it.

“I hung around Sprout a lot because he was my deputy! Plus, his mom kinda made me. There’s like, three or four stallions my age. And as for being a single dad,” A flare of frustration sparked in his stomach as Hitch stepped forward, Sunny matching his movement by stepping back. “Is being a single dad gay now Sunny? Is taking responsibility for a child with no parents homosexual??!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?”

For once, Sunny seemed at a loss for words.

“No, I guess not.” She hung her head, her ponytail covering half her face. “So, you…aren’t gay?”

“NO! I’m straight as the arrows on Sparky Sparkeroni’s back!” Hitch stomped his hoof for emphasis, his anger dissipating once realization hit him like a rotten tomato. “Wait, did you think I was telling you I was gay? Are you telling me everypone in Maretime Bay thinks I’m gay.”

Somehow, Sunny appeared even smaller than normal.

“Yes?”

His heart sank, drowning in the thick liquid of despair.

“But…but you said you loved me?” Hitch fell on his ass, tunnel visioned only on his foalhood friend. “Was that a lie? Did you never have romantic feelings? Did I…even have a chance?”

“No, Hitch I do love you. Just…as a friend. And, well,” She tapped her hooves together, nostrils flaring as each breath was bigger than the last. “I did have a crush on you, for a really long time. Just a couple of months ago, actually. I…” Sunny sat down, blowing her ponytail out of her face and closing her eyes. “I kept trying to convince myself I had a chance with you, that maybe you weren’t gay and I was wrong. I didn’t ever really move on. At least, not until…”

“Izzy.”

It wasn’t a question or rhetorical, simply a state of fact.

A fact that ruined Hitch’s life.

“Yeah.”

Neither of them said anything for a long, long time. There’d never been such intense silence between each other, they’d always been comfortable with each other’s presence; whether they were saying anything or not.

Eventually, Hitch gathered the resolve to stand up. Making his way to the door.

Sunny reached out, opening her mouth to say something.

But no sound came out.

Hitch sat in front of his mirror, tapping foundation against the side of his face where Sunny had struck him. Sparky was playing somewhere outside, so Hitch had a few hours to himself that were desperately needed.

He was calm, unsettlingly calm.

Even as he covered the slight scrape, and began grazing off the foundation to the rest of his face.

“They think I’m gay?”

He began grabbing various makeup stuff from his drawers, using them on his face with nary a rhyme or reason.

“They think I’m effeminate? That I like stallions just because I hang out with mares? What a fucking absurd notion; created by this society thats so rooted in its gender roles and identity.”

His eyes, his lips, even his cheeks, were all adorned with every ounce of makeup he had.

He’d started crying at some point. Hitch hadn’t even noticed.

“I’ll show them, I’ll show them all. I’ll be the gayest straight stallion to ever walk the damned planet! I’ll break every stereotype, rip out their biases by the fucking root!”

His mascara had started running down his face; it irked him. On impulse, he punched the mirror, glasses falling to the ground with his tears.

He didn’t recognize his own reflection.

In fact, he resembled…

“A clown.”