The Irregular Misadventures of the Equestria Girls (Volume 3)
The Taco of Doom!
Previous ChapterAria Blaze lounged on the couch, flipping through channels with an air of perpetual boredom. Next to her, Sonata Dusk had her eyes glued to the TV, giggling and reacting to every commercial, even the infomercials about kitchen gadgets they’d never use. Just as Aria was about to give up and toss the remote aside, something caught Sonata's attention.
"Wait, go back!" Sonata grabbed Aria's arm. "It’s a taco commercial!"
Aria rolled her eyes but obliged, flipping back. The screen showed a glitzy ad for the mall food court’s new specialty: the "Soul Sizzler Supreme Taco," garnished with a mix of greens, cheese, and a fiery sauce that seemed to sparkle with its own light.
"‘The ultimate taco experience,’” Sonata read aloud, mimicking the announcer. “Available only for a limited time at Puffed Pastry’s stall in Canterlot City mall!”
But then came the catch—an ominous voice-over: “Warning: consuming the Soul Sizzler Supreme without the proper precautions may result in… serious consequences.”
Aria’s eyes narrowed. "Yeah, 'serious consequences,' like death.” She gave Sonata a suspicious look. "Are you sure you still want that?"
Sonata’s face fell, her shoulders slumping. But then, as though a light had gone on in her head, she brightened. “Oh! But we’re, like, totally different from normal people, Aria. I bet we can figure it out!”
"Figure what out? How to die faster?" Aria snorted.
“No, silly!” Sonata leaned in, her voice lowering conspiratorially. "We could sing a song. Like a special code song to protect us before we take a bite!"
Aria blinked. "A...code song? Where did you even get that idea?"
"I don’t know. I just know! Besides," Sonata shrugged, “Puffed Pastry is the chef. She’ll have it.”
This didn’t exactly ease Aria’s paranoia, but she figured if anyone could magically safeguard the taco, it’d be someone with a name like Puffed Pastry. With a sigh, she relented, grabbing her coat.
“Fine. We’re going to the mall, but if this turns out to be a trap, I’m holding you responsible,” she warned.
The two headed out, and soon, they were walking into the bustling food court, the savory aromas filling the air. Amid the stalls, a bright neon sign reading Puffed Pastry’s Gourmet Treats flashed in a colorful display. Behind the counter stood a stocky woman with a chef’s hat perched precariously atop her head and a clipboard in hand. Her piercing gaze fell on Aria and Sonata the moment they approached.

“Well, well, well. If it isn’t two-thirds of the Dazzlings,” she said, crossing her arms with an amused look. “I remember you three from that little escapade you tried pulling during the Battle of the Bands. Planning to cause another ruckus?”
Aria forced a tight-lipped smile. "Nah, that was...a long time ago. We’re different now. Right, Sonata?"
Sonata opened her mouth to reply, but Aria quickly slapped a hand over it, smiling stiffly. “We’re totally friends with the Rainbooms now. No harm, no world domination, just...uh, tacos.” Aria said as she moved her like a ventriloquist puppet.
Puffed raised an eyebrow but nodded. “Alright. I’ll give you two the benefit of the doubt. But this isn’t your usual taco—there’s magic in it, and it’s not the type to play around with. If you’re really set on it, you’ll need to follow some strict instructions.”
“Got it,” Aria replied, already feeling a touch of regret. But she wasn’t about to back down now.
With a curt nod, Puffed pulled out a form, sliding it across the counter. “Sign here. It states you won’t leave this taco unattended, and I’m not responsible if you…bite off more than you can handle.”
Aria and Sonata quickly signed, handing it back to her. Then, with a serious expression, Puffed closed her eyes, humming a strange tune that resonated with a faint, eerie glow. With each note, a swirl of green and gold magic seeped into the taco she held. Sonata stared in awe, while Aria looked on, more skeptical but intrigued.
When Puffed finished, she set the taco on a plate, sliding it across to them. The taco also has a note on it with strict instructions on how to eat it safely. “Remember,” she warned, “hum that code song before you take a bite. Otherwise…” She let the word hang in the air.
Aria and Sonata nodded, taking the plate with a mix of excitement and caution. As they turned to leave, they glanced back at Puffed, who gave them a last, pointed look.
"Good luck," she said, almost amused.
With a quick thank you, the duo left, the taco safely in their hands.
In the bustling, dimly-lit kitchen of their shared home, Aria and Sonata strolled in, their eyes gleaming at the sight of a golden, perfectly wrapped taco sitting on a porcelain plate. Sonata’s hand reached out eagerly, but Aria shot her a look, snapping her fingers to halt her sister’s impulse.
“Wait a second, Sonata! Didn’t Puffed Pastry tell us to hum a song before we eat these?”
Sonata froze, her hand hovering over the taco. “Ohhh… right! The hum-song thing.” She retracted her hand, lips forming a pout. “I forgot! Guess I should rehearse it real quick…”
And with that, Sonata grabbed the note, turned on her heel and ran out of the kitchen to practice, her voice drifting back as she softly sang, testing out different tunes. Aria watched her go, muttering something under her breath about Sonata’s eternal ditziness. “Wait, Sonata! Puffed said we shouldn’t leave… ugh, why do I have to put up with her?” She asked herself as she chased after her sister, determined to ensure she’d actually get the song right for once. The taco sat abandoned, glowing faintly on the countertop, shimmering with an almost supernatural allure.
A few minutes later, Adagio waltzed into the kitchen, humming her own song in an entirely different key as she suddenly sees a glowing taco. With a shrug, she picked it up, raised an eyebrow at the faintly glowing filling, and, without a second thought, took a hearty bite.
At first, everything seemed normal. She chewed, savoring the crunch and spice. But suddenly, her expression twisted, her eyes widening as she doubled over, clutching her stomach. The once-confident leader of the trio was slumping against the counter, her face draining to a sickly green.
Just then, Aria and Sonata returned, humming harmoniously, ready for their prized meal. But the moment they saw Adagio slumped over, looking somewhere between horrified and nauseous, they froze.
“What… happened?” Sonata asked, eyes wide.
“Adagio, did you eat that?” Aria demanded, looking as though she’d just seen a ghost.
Adagio managed to lift her head, gritting her teeth. “Why… would you buy something that could… kill someone?” she rasped, slumping further down.
Sonata, incensed, fired back, “Why would you eat something that wasn’t yours?” She crossed her arms and stomped her foot.
“Well, maybe… if you’d haven’t… left it here in first… place, I wouldn’t… be poisoned right… now, you… blue idiot!” Adagio yelled, each rasp amplifying the pain.
Aria, shaking her head, stepped between them, cutting off the escalating argument. “Enough, both of you! We need answers, and Puffed Pastry is the only one who can give them to us.”
With no time to waste, they hoisted Adagio up between them and stumbled to the car. Adagio was dead weight, groaning with each step as they guided her into the back seat. The ride to the food court was fraught with tension as Sonata fussed, Aria drove, and Adagio muttered weakly in the back about never trusting her sisters’ culinary choices again.
The dusty, dimly lit kitchen where Puffed Pastry worked was filled with the mouth-watering aroma of fresh-baked treats and simmering caramel. But today, none of it mattered to the Dazzlings—especially to Adagio, who was clutching her throat, her coughing fit worsening by the second. Aria and Sonata stood before Puffed, looking guilty as she scowled at them, clearly unimpressed by their story.
"I can’t believe you two," Puffed huffed, crossing her arms. "You left the taco on the table? And now Adagio’s magic is draining away?"
Aria shifted uncomfortably, casting a quick glare at Sonata, who looked down at her feet, hands clasped behind her back with a faint, sheepish smile. "Yeah… well, it was Sonata’s fault. Her ditziness distracted me, so I followed her."
Sonata looked up, confused. "Hey! You didn’t have to follow me, you know. I only forgot for, like, a second."
"One second too long!" Aria snapped, rolling her eyes. "And now look at Adagio! She can barely speak!"
Adagio coughed again, her voice a raspy whisper. Tears spilled down her cheeks as she tried to speak. “You… you left… the taco… We were so close…” Her voice broke entirely, her face twisted in anguish. “Please… take me to a hospital…”
The sight was enough to sober the pair of them, and they quickly nodded, ready to scoop Adagio up and find the nearest medical center. But Puffed raised a hand, stopping them mid-motion.
"Wait," Puffed said firmly. "A hospital won’t be enough to save her. This is magic we’re dealing with. Only someone very specific can cure her."
Adagio’s eyes widened with a glimmer of hope, her hand pressed weakly to her throat. "So… so there’s a chance?"
Puffed nodded, watching her intently. "I know someone. If you’re willing to trust me, I’ll take you to them."
Aria and Sonata exchanged a quick glance before nodding in unison, and Adagio mustered a tiny, grateful smile. Puffed quickly closed up her stall, then led the three of them to her beat-up car parked around the corner. The Dazzlings piled in, Sonata bouncing excitedly, Aria holding Adagio as they drove off into the darkening streets.
The silence was tense, broken only by Adagio’s occasional coughs and faint whispers of pain. After a while, Aria looked to Puffed, her worry finally spilling over. "So… what exactly happens to her if she doesn’t get the cure in time?"
Puffed’s eyes darkened, and she took a deep breath. "Well… the magic draining will eventually choke her. She’ll feel intense heat, like her head is burning, though it’s only the effect of her magic being ripped away. Her vocal cords, her siren power, will start to tear down… and even if they reform, she’ll be in so much pain she’ll cry out in a dialect ancient as Equestria itself. And then… she’ll collapse. Finally… she’ll just… die."
Adagio’s face drained of color, her eyes wide with terror. She clutched at her throat, as though trying to feel if she could still speak, but only a raspy, broken sound came out. Aria felt her heart race as panic crept into her voice. "How much time does she have left?"
Puffed’s voice was grim. "Thirty minutes. Tops."
Adagio let out a strangled, painful sound, leaning against Aria as though it would somehow stave off the agony she knew was coming. Sonata blinked in the back seat, still cheerful, seemingly oblivious to the severity of the situation. "At least she’s gonna get cured, right?"
"Sonata!" Aria hissed, her patience fraying. "This is serious! Adagio’s—"
"Please," Adagio whispered, reaching out a trembling hand to silence her bickering friends. "Just… get me the cure… I can’t… I can’t hold on much longer…"
Puffed gripped the steering wheel tightly, her foot pressing harder on the gas. "Hold on, Adagio. We’re almost there. Just a little longer…"
The car tore through the streets, racing against time as Adagio’s breaths grew shallower, the minutes slipping away faster than any of them could bear.
As the temple loomed before them, Puffed took a deep breath and approached the imposing front doors, her thoughts fixed on scheduling an audience with the elusive temple master. She had barely made her request when two guards blocked her way, spears poised, eyes narrowed with suspicion. A curt jab from one spear sent Puffed staggering back, and she knew her attempt was over before it had even begun.
Disheartened, she returned to the car, where the Dazzlings waited anxiously. Adagio, slumped and groaning from lingering taco-related woes, looked up with weary eyes. "Let me guess... no luck?"
Puffed shook her head. “The master won’t see us. Guards shoved me back before I could even get a word in. We’re sneaking in.” Adagio groaned even louder, clearly frustrated, but the three climbed back in as Puffed navigated around to the temple’s back entrance.
Slipping out quietly, they made their way through a narrow, overgrown passage, finally finding a small entrance at the rear of the temple. Just as they snuck inside, an alarm sounded. The guards had spotted them.
“Guess we’re doing this the hard way,” Puffed muttered. They steeled themselves as guards began pouring into the narrow hallways. With magic forbidden inside the temple, Aria and Sonata knew they’d have to rely on their fists, and they squared off against the first wave of guards while Puffed joined the fray. Adagio was behind them, trying to keep up with them.
On the first floor, wooden logs lined a vast pit beneath them, forming an unstable platform that required every ounce of balance they could muster. Guards armed with spears and staves leaped forward, engaging the group. With each strike, the guards vanished into thin air, retreating, but the danger was far from over. The unstable logs threatened to topple at the slightest misstep, and they quickly realized they needed to stay nimble. Sonata nearly lost balance and fell, but got lucky because Aria grabbed and pulled her up just in time. Meanwhile, Adagio staggered along behind them, barely keeping upright, her head pounding.
On the second floor, they faced guards on motorcycles, each wielding spiked balls that swung dangerously close with every pass. The room was cramped, with barely enough room to dodge, but Aria and Puffed danced around the deadly arcs, occasionally lashing out with a kick to unseat a guard, who would vanish the moment they hit the floor. Sonata just stood there and has been trying to be kind with the guards. The guards were not falling for it as one guard swung a ball towards the ditz. Luckily, Puffed pushed her out of the way as Aria took her shot against the guard that nearly took out Sonata. Adagio, now whispering in a hoarse, voiceless croak, could only watch with bleary eyes, clutching her stomach in silent agony. Her siren magic and voice has been completely dissolved.
Reaching the third floor, they were met with flying discs laced with dark magic, whizzing by at breakneck speed. Each disc glowed with an ominous light, slicing through the air as they dodged, narrowly avoiding the wicked edges. Sonata attempts to touch a disc, but Aria pulled her away, saving her life. They managed to slip through the hail of discs, but Adagio began to cry out in a language neither of them understood, her eyes wide and glazed, the pain clearly driving her toward delirium.
At last, they reached the throne room. The master awaited them, seated upon an elaborate throne draped in dark silks. In front of him sat two trays: one bearing the infamous burger of immunity, said to cure any ailment, and the other a slice of dark, glistening chocolate cake—the double doom cake, rumored to bring instant death upon tasting.
Adagio, nearly collapsing, managed to fix her eyes on the burger. "Finally…" she whispered, her voice barely audible.
“My lord. Adagio here ate the Soul Sizzler Supreme without humming its code song and now she’s slowly dying. We would appreciate it if you give her the Burger of Immunity,” Puffed requested, pointing to the Dazzlings (mostly at Adagio who is lying there unable to move).
“Fools! You really thought you could get the Burger of Immunity from me?” he sneered, eyes glinting with malice. The three Dazzlings felt a chill, realizing just how powerful—and evil—the Master truly was.
“Please,” Adagio pleaded, “we need that burger. Without it… we’ll—”
“Enough!” he barked, cutting her off. Then, without warning, he lifted himself into the air, hovering menacingly as dark energy crackled around him. In a flash, he charged at Aria and Sonata, unleashing a barrage of magical blasts. They fought back valiantly, but his attacks were overwhelming. With one powerful strike, he sent them crashing to the ground, bruised and barely able to move.
Adagio’s heart pounded as panic surged through her. If he finished off Aria and Sonata, the Dazzlings would be no more.
But just as the Master prepared for his final strike, Puffed, their loyal friend has stepped forward bravely, her eyes determined as she tried to stop him.
“Please,” she said, “don’t hurt them! I’ll do anything… just let them live!”
The Master sneered, summoning the double-doom cake and levitating it toward Puffed, taunting her with it and the cake was flying towards her at moderate speed. “Then maybe I’ll spare them… if you take a bite.” The cake is getting close to her, dark energy swirling around it. Puffed trembled, knowing that a bite would mean the end of her.
But from the ground, Aria and Sonata exchanged a glance. They knew what they had to do. Summoning the last of their strength, they synchronized, both twisting and launching a powerful bicycle kick that sent the cursed cake spiraling back at the Master.
The cake smashed right into his mouth. His eyes went wide as he realized his own trap had backfired. Dark energy erupted around him, and in an instant, he exploded, leaving nothing but a faint echo of his sinister laugh.
With the Master gone, Puffed quickly rushed to Adagio, retrieving the burger of immunity. She held it to Adagio’s lips, and Adagio took a bite, the healing energy flowing through her as she gasped back to full strength.
Adagio looked up at Puffed, eyes filled with relief and gratitude. “Thank you… you saved us.”
The Dazzlings hugged their friend, overwhelmed with gratitude. “Is there anything we can do to show how much we appreciate you?” Adagio asked.
Puffed grinned, knowing just the thing. And so, the Dazzlings found themselves working at a burger restaurant, using their magical voices to charm the burgers, making them delicious and safe for all. They quickly gained a loyal following of happy, enchanted customers, and for once, they felt like they belonged.
One evening, after a particularly busy shift, Sonata leaned over the counter. “You know… I could go for a taco right about now.”
Aria shot her a look, narrowing her eyes. “Sonata… don’t you remember what happened last time?”
Sonata held up her hands innocently, smiling. “I remember. No more tacos… for now.”
And for the first time, the Dazzlings enjoyed a life filled with harmony and happiness.
The End
Author's Note
Episode requested by Infernoblast3345.
