Bait 'n' Switch Codology

"The dining hall was long. One of those real posh ones that you see in movies. Big lengthy wooden table, all set out with sparkly cutlery. Chandyliers, windows on one side of the hall looking out into the gardens. The works."

Bullseye was starting to get the hang of this bipedal walking thing. She filtered into the dining hall along with everyone else. Snow Cone, however, kept walking backwards.

"And this is where we'll be eating tonight. Over pleasant conversation, of course." She gestured to the table in question, still in her pitched 'tour guide' tone.

Wire interrupted. "Yeah, maybe it's just me, but I can't help but notice the supreme lack of anything to eat." He huffed, "Still."

Bullseye heard Ley 'snrk' next to her as Cone gave the most polite reprimand she'd ever heard. "Well Master Telephone, if you'd exercise just a little bit of patience" She turned towards the rest of the motley crew. "and if the rest of you would kindly follow me into the kitchens?"

So that's why she's still moving. Her continued backwards walk made a little more sense when she reached the double doors hidden away behind an shoddily placed armoire near one end of the hall. Behind it was white tile, metal counters, overhead fans. What looked like an entire restaurant, at least, the kitchen was built for a restaurant that could seat at least a hundred people at a time.

Not needing another reason to start moving, everyone made their way through the doors.

"You were right." Ley's slightly refined Prench accent said from her side. In response to the questioning look Bullseye sent her way, Ley continued, "The staff. A whole kitchen like this, and not a single peep. Not even in the halls."

"Well-" Snow appeared between them out of nowhere.

Having never been surprised on two legs before, Bullseye fell over. "Whoah!"

She was halted in midair by an orange glow, and smoothly set back upright by Immersion, who's horn was dimming as she caught his eye. "Be more careful there Terri."

Bullseye's eyes narrowed. I never told you my name. The question never left her mouth, as Snow Cone darted in front of her, apologizing profusely. "Please, accept my sincerest apologies Mistress Terri, I didn't mean to frighten you, I-"

"Whoah, hey." Bullseye waved her paw. Neurotic little thing isn't she? "No harm done. Relax, all is forgiven."

Snow Cone gave off a smile and flopped her ears. Something about the smile didn't reach her eyes, she probably thought Bullseye was just being polite.

"Food!" Wire exclaimed. He'd wandered over to a series of carts covered in cloth. After removing the cloth and finding the platters underneath, he had apparently removed that and uncovered a tray of tarts, decorated in all the colors of the rainbow. One had already disappeared into his gullet, and he was midway through reaching for another one before Snow Cone gasped.

"No!" She rushed over to him. Wave, the hilariously purple mare beat her to him.

She slapped the tart from his hoof with her own and put on a voice that unconsciously made Bullseye's tail tuck in between her legs. "Don't you have any manners! It's incredibly rude to start without our host!"

"But-!"

"If you reach for another one of those tarts mister I'll slap you upside your bottom!" She continued to scold. "I don't care that I'm not your mother, if yours didn't teach you any manners, I gladly will." She ended with a vicious smile, and Wire thankfully stepped away before the situation could escalate further. That didn't stop him from huffing, crossing his hooves, and generally being a petulant teenager. Snow Cone was busy rearranging the tarts so as to make it look like none were missing.

Bullseye raised an eyebrow at the behavior, but was distracted by a deep bass voice. "She's right kid." The first words Bullseye heard from the brown beast of a stallion. "It ain't polite, and you worried Snow Cone there something fierce. You should apologize to her."

He rolled his eyes in response. "Sorry, Snow Cone." Though he sounded anything but.

"That's Miss, Snow Cone." Wave corrected, "If you're not actually going to be sorry, at least show the proper respect."

Snow Cone turned away from the display, leaving it as it was. "It's okay, and it's Missus, but I don't mind at all."

"You haven't done anything like this before then?" Immersion asked, joining in on the conversation.

Snow's ears folded down, "Is it that obvious?"

"Don't worry about it Snow." Ley jumped in, "We won't tell your boss."

Snow Cone breathed out a sigh of relief. "Thank you-" She shook her head, "Anyways..." The carts began sliding along the floor, moving out of the way for a pair of cabinets to open, revealing a wine rack, cushioned with a velvet interior. Several came floating out drifting in front of Snow as she spoke again. "Master Origami wanted you all to pick the night's wine before I set out the table."

"If I may, Iris, and sorry for interrupting you again."

"Go ahead boss mare, ask away."

"I can't help but notice... When you fell, and when Immersion shook your... paw, at the time, with magic, you were very clear about his aura and the color. Yet, when referring to Snow Cone, you didn't even mention her horn glowing."

"I didn't."

"..."

"Is there a reason for that?"

"Not one that I know. She didn't have an aura. Maybe her aura was just clear, or maybe she was one of those psyche ponies from up top."

"Psychic ponies are a myth, only griffon's can manipulate forces like that."

"Hey, remember who asked who?"

"Fair enough, please continue."

"Right... where was I?"

"I don't drink wine." The hulking brown pony responded.

"Nor do I." Said Immersion

"I'm trying to watch my figure." Said Wave.

"I'm allergic to some fermentation chemicals." Ley said.

"I'm sixteen." Came Wire's snark.

All eyes turned towards Bullseye. Including Snow's, who was becoming once again, increasingly nervous as they all subtly declined choosing. "Hell-" She shrugged, "I can still choose wine, I'll appreciate it, but I ain't gonna drink it." She stepped forwards, holding out a paw. "What do you have?"

Snow looked grateful and Wave interjected, "Well of course. I didn't wish to make it seem like I wouldn't assist you Snow Cone."

"I know a bit about wine." Immersion added in.

Snow's smile widened, and she projected for them, both to end the conversation and present their options. She lifted the first, "We've got a 1455 red, cherries. A deeper red, 1499 and this was a mix between a leftover batch that got lost in transit when one of the biggest wine company of that age shut down."

All of their eyes widened

"Hold on, you're talking about the fourteenth century like it's not been seven hundred years since then." Immersion cut in, "How expensive are those wines?" He asked incredulously.

"As far as I know, they have no conceivable price." Snow sweetly responded.

Everyone shared a look.

"You're not lying are you?"

"Why would I be lying?"

"Embellishing?"

"..."

"There's no way, even somepony like Origami would have never been able to get his hooves on something like that. That's practically an artefact, something like that should belong in a museum."

"Yeah, it would've been impossible... Legally."

"Right..."

"And if that's what you really think, you probably won't like what I did with it."

"Well..." Ley said from Bullseye's side. "Shit."

"You can say that again." Said Immersion.

Ley spoke again. "Pass me one."

Snow did as instructed, and Ley sat back and grabbed the wine bottle as it got close. Wave gasped like she'd just seen someone drive into a building as Ley nonchalantly popped the topper off with a talon.

"Ley!" Bullseye shouted in alarm. "That's pricier than you!"

She shrugged, "Well if we're gonna drink it-" She took a whiff and her eyes went wide, "Holy shit." Stood up and swung the bottle with her precariously. "Alright, I've never drank wine before, but I've been to enough fancy parties and wine tastings to know what to look for." She kept moving the bottle as she walked three-limbed over to immersion, she handed it to him. "Have a whiff."

He took it in his aura, and Bullseye turned to Snow, who was animatedly showing off the other wines to the brown stallion. It was a funny thing to look at. As the shortest pony here, just barely shorter than Wire, she came just eye level with his barrel. The view of her trying to sell a stallion twice her height, probably three times her size, floating bottles of wine was something Bullseye was going to remember for a while.

She had something else to focus on though. Specifically, the vial nestled in between her breasts, underneath her dress. Wave had joined in the conversation with Snow, adding in her expertise, which meant nobody was looking as Bullseye quickly pretended to adjust her dress, while using her dexterous fingers to remove the vial and tuck it in her palm.

"Poison?"

"A magical venom, actually."

"Venoms aren't deadly, not even magic ones."

"No, but red tracker feathers do a wonder on the immune system, throws it for a loop. A pony as old as Origami? Within a day, he'd get a cold, and that'd just be it for him. Completely untraceable in a dead body."

"Where'd you acquire something like that?"

"Please, this is the 'criminal underworld' boss mare. I'm a P.I. I get paid in all sorts of ways, by all sorts of people. Where do you think I got the shaping charm?"

"You're saying it was a payment?"

"A specials request for payment from me, long time ago."

"From whom?"

"...You don't actually think I'm going to tell you that, do you?"

"Do secrets really matter to you now?"

"Duh, of course they do. Client privilege. I'm not about to sully my reputation, especially now."

"I guess... it's not really the focus of this conversation anyways. Please, if you would."

"Darn right it isn't. So..."

Bullseye walked up towards the now trio of two ponies and one griffon. Wire was pretending like he wasn't listening, but he was.

"It's crazy. Somepony like this, how rich could they reasonably be?" Ley said.

Immersion was focused on Bullseye as she walked up. Bullseye was focused on the wine, which had seemingly disappeared. "Hey, where'd the wine go? I want a sniff too." She joked, and the bottle appeared out from under Immersion's coat as he lifted a hoof. His horn lit a moment later, and he levitated it up to her height for her to grab it. "Thanks." She added on, and she lifted it to her nose with both hands. As she held the bottle, she pressed one of the nails at the end of her thick paws into the vial's cork. These fingers sure are useful. Gonna miss 'em.

This was going to be close. She'd have to be quick, but messing it up would be far worse than just failing, so somewhere in-between quick and precise. She took a deep inhale while looking between the three ponies. She just had to divert their attention. "Hey Wire?" He looked over at her, just with his eyes. "What kinda stuff did you spot under there? I'm starving."

"Treats, mostly. Deserts, candy." He answered wistfully.

"Come off it, really?" Immersion asked, "I'm old, I'm gonna need some actual food."

"You don't look that old." Verglas joked.

Now.

Bullseye took a wide step to the side and turned. As soon as her hands were out of the line of sight of the other ponies, she lifted the vial to her fingers and used a quick bit of practiced dexterity to pull the cork out and drop the clear liquid into the wine in a smooth motion. Her turn slowed, and she slipped the vial back into her palm before she came waist to face with Snow Cone. Bullseye's heart leapt into her chest, and she viscerally forced her expression to remain unchanged.

"What do you all think of this one?" She asked sweetly.

Sweet T's flanks. Bullseye breathed a measured breath of relief and handed the bottle down towards Snow Cone. She tried to keep the adrenaline from her voice as she responded. "Smells great Snow, which one is that?"

Snow took a second to look at the floating bottle, "Mmmm... Thirteen, ivory smoked-apple Piedmont. The oldest in the collection."

Ley popped up from the side. "Sounds good to me."

"Seconded." Immersion added.

Wave joined the small circle while the brown stallion stayed where he had sat down on the floor. "Well, if we're going to be sitting at a table with the most expensive wine this side of the world, we might as well choose the most expensive wine." She lifted a hoof towards Snow, "May I?"

The bottle floated over to her, and she balanced it on one hoof and took a short inhale near the rim of the bottle. "Oh my, that is divine." She turned and started walking for the door. Nobody was quick enough to stop her, or ask where she was going. "Surely we mustn't wait for it to air, we can set the table now can't we?"

"Oh-" Snow started moving up, "Madam Violaceous; wait- if-"

"Nonsense darling." Then she stepped through the door. Everyone else was following suit so Bullseye figured they were leaving now. She spared a glance towards the carts, but decided that she'd done enough sleight of hand for the night, and left the tasty treats where they were. Instead, she leaned her head down towards the big stallion as he walked past her and matched his pace. He caught her eye and lifted a hoof as he walked.

"Johnson." He said simply, in his deep baritone.

She bumped his hoof. "Terri."

"Oh!" Came Wave's muffled call from just on the other side of the door.

Both Bullseye and Johnson peaked out of the door at the same time, spotting- Origami. The old stallion, he had a checkered suit on over his dark blue fur. His coiffed yellow mane was untouched aside from the product in it. He was gently sitting down at the head of the table as they walked in.

Wave was clutching the bottle under her barrel, on her right side, and the moment of surprise passed as Snow Cone jumped into action. "My apologies, Master Origami, I'm sorry I wasn't here to greet you." The bottle slipped away from Wave's grasp. "Please, our esteemed guests, make yourselves at home."

Snow took several striding steps up towards Origami, then fell silent. Bullseye shared a glance with Verglas as she split to move towards the other side of the table. All of them moved. Wire was the first to sit, closest to Origami, Bullseye sat down next to him, her longer gait letting her get closer. Immersion took the seat next to her, and across the table, Ley sat down next to Origami, and Johnson, next to Ley.

Origami gestured outwards with his hooves after Ley took her seat.

"He had this accent, it might be useful placing him. Like Open-Esekerte mixed with Eastbounders. You know the way some ponies talk quiet and clipped like they're running their mouths in one of those old gang violence movies?"

"..."

"Is this really important Ms. Bullseye?"

"Yes."

"Continue."

"Well... that's it really, he talked all slow like, and intentionally. Something made up, clearly, to cover up a more traditional accent that I couldn't place at the time..."

"Now that everyone is seated." Origami looked over the table slowly, his eyes not leaving the center of the table, "Tell me, how were the gardens? They were made to impress. I have to say, I am curious about the first opinions."

Wave jumped in almost immediately after he was done talking. Her voice pitched, and she switched from a 'stalks dialect into northern Equish. "Oh they were to die for. You'll have to let me poach your groundskeeper."

"No." He said simply, letting a smirk rise to his face as Wave's blathering was brought to a halt. "And I trust my attendant has been undertaking her profession with the grace instructed of her?"

Johnson responded, and Bullseye was almost certain the table shook ever so slightly as he spoke. "She has, wowed me for sure."

The mare in question was standing to Origami's side, far enough away to be ready to listen to his next command while not close enough to be a distraction. Origami waved her forwards, "Be a dear and set the table, I trust you followed my secondary instructions?" Origami's eyes turned from the front of the table towards Snow.

"Yes sir, and I did, Master." She nodded, and spun around all the way and hastily made her way back into the kitchen.

Origami watched her leave, and Bullseye ground her teeth. Origami, heedless of Bulleye’s growing desire to kill him early, turned towards Johnson. "Johnson Hammer." Smiled, "It has certainly been a time. I have to say, I'm glad to finally see the respect required of my station."

"I'm turning over a new leaf." Johnson replied simply.

"And Terri." He lifted his hooves, "A beauty, and a paragon to your beastly kin. It is such a joy to finally find one of your stature and... shall I say, professional talent?"

"Princess Twilight... that's... really? He said all that?"

"It only really got worse from there birdy, with only what... six sentences? he'd justified me killin' him."

"I'm not sure about that..."

"I am, and I'm not sorry."

sigh

"Just carry on."

Bullseye let herself fake a smile, pulling off her best 'dumb girl' smile to hopefully avoid having to talk. She only had violent, angry words in her throat at the moment, not something particularly useful in the current situation.

He turned towards the rest, in time with his words. "Verglas Ley, the painter from another world, or nearly." He inclined his head, "And Telephone Wire, I've heard a lot about your skills out on the streets."

"Come off it oldie. What do you know about me?" He snarked.

Wave was about to smack him upside the head when Origami loomed over the table, his tone calm, his inflections unchanged. "I know you're an information broker with faces and names. I know you have connections everywhere. I know your value." He leaned back, and his voice lost some of its edge. "And I demand respect at my table, from all parties, boy."

"Yes sir..."

Shit... okay... oldie came to play. Bullseye let a paw rest on the table, spreading out the digits as she spoke again, putting on as much 'voice' as she could into her words without verbally snapping. "Sir, I have to ask. I'm curious as to... the amount of attendees? I thought this would be a..." Bullseye cringed internally, "Private meeting?"

"Not intentionally." Origami continued with his plastic smile, "Say, where is that servant? I told her to retrieve dinner, did I not?" He looked towards the door, hidden behind the shelf, where Snow Cone had disappeared.

"I'm sure she's simply checking all of it for quality." Immersion said diplomatically. "Can't serve anything less than perfection, correct."

Origami's smile widened, and his eyes shifted as he looked over Immersion. "Ah, and Immersion. I've only ever heard of you and your work. You've always done me and mine well, I sincerely hope you are enjoying my..." Origami looked back towards the door, "Hospitality."

Snow Cone exited, the doors invisibly opening in front of her, trailing the carts and the single wine bottle behind her.

"That's when it started raining, just a few trickles at first. It really set the mood while Snow Cone was setting the table."

"I get the feeling that's also important?"

"Nah, ha. I'm just checking to see if you were payin' attention."

"Iris, please."

"What? Can't I have some fun?"

"To switch gears, I get the feeling the conversation at the table was... dead. To put it plainly?"

"It's like I said, the message in Terri's invitation implied... It didn't say outright, mind you, but it heavily implied that this would be a solo meeting. All the ponies there... Maybe aside from Wave and Snow, knew what something like that meant. Something was up, that much was obvious."

"And?"

"And what? Something was up! It always is with stuff like this. That's my point boss mare, nobody gets to where all of us were without a little bit of suspicion, and we were all feeling it. At the time, I just figured it was... well I figured that it was just Origami playing games. Obviously, an old, rich stallion like that has to get off somehow, messing with people is good enough I suppose."

With food in front of her, Bullseye made the effort to eat. Origami had already started, and the sound of rain mixed with utensil scraping against the ceramic plates, and Snow darting around the table to levitate Origami whatever he wanted before he asked for it.

Bullseye had to admit, the amount of food Telephone Wire was capable of eating was impressive, especially at such speed, and with little noise. With everything moving, and the conversation well and truly dead, it was only a matter of time before Origami looked to the wine.

Unlike the majority of the things she did, for lifting up the wine, Snow Cone hesitated, and then steadied herself. Origami raised an eyebrow, clearly impatient. "Well?"

"I'm sorry Master Origami." Snow's mane adjusted itself, and the bottle flew down the length of the table before uncorking itself and upturning it into his wine glass. The glass came up to meet it, lowering the amount of froth created by the drink. Snow set everything back down, and the crystal wine glass went to Origami's outstretched hoof. He continued to lazily glare at her.

All eyes were subtly on Origami. Bullseye was making the effort to look away, but he had it. It was in his hoof. One sip, and all of this was worth it. It'd be over, she'd finally get her revenge for what he did to her father.

...

Terri's face slipped for a moment, expressing some surprise into a tray of green beans. Revenge? That's not what I'm here for.

"Snow Cone, you're such a disappointment." Origami flippantly groaned. Bullseye watched with a rising heart rate as Origami put the glass down and sighed heavily. No... He leaned over the table in mock confusion, apparently still wondering why Snow Cone wasn't doing what he hadn't clarified for her yet.

Snow Cone wilted. "Yes sir..."

"Now hold on now." Johnson half stood, which looked more like he had spontaneously chosen to loom over the table, due to his size. "What's the matter, Sir? She ain't been doing nothing but taking good care of the table this whole time."

Origami scoffed, "She's sullying my name is what." He turned towards her, "I ought to have you replaced. Really, how difficult is it to pour out six more glasses of wine?" He near drawled, in an old accent, filled with lilts and enunciations in just the right place.

"I'm sorry Master." Snow Cone didn't wilt anymore, she simply stayed in place with her ears folded and her gaze turned towards the floor.

"Sir Origami, I do believe there's been a misunderstanding." Wave interjected, "Snow Cone asked all of us long before you arrived of our preferences."

Origami's head pulled back, and he asked in disbelief, "So she did something right?"

"Yes Sir." Wave responded simply. Her purple mane moved with her head as she nodded. "It just so happens that none of us drink, I'm watching my figure, Telephone Wire is far too young, Johnson is an athlete, and so on."

"Ridiculous." Origami postured, turning towards Bullseye. Bullseye had to avert her gaze from the wine glass sitting in front of Origami, her focus having drifted to it. "You, you drink wine. you must." Came as a question, definitely, veiled as an attempt to misdirect his mistake.

"No sir, I've never been able to pallet wine."

"Ugh, Dogs, no wonder your species is so culturally inept." He turned towards Verglas, "And you?"

"Allergic, Sir." Verglas responded in a clipped tone, reaching down to take a bite from her fork to avoid having to speak on the topic further.

Origami mulled over the words for a moment. Snow Cone drew his attention as he spoke, "I still asked them, as you demanded of me, Master. They all wished you to have the best wine, even if they wouldn't be partaking."

"Well you still, should have poured them glasses." He grumbled, "It's not about them drinking. It's about respect, stupid girl."

Bullseye felt Johnson flex the table. A board her leg was pressed up against running lengthwise of the table strained. So you hate that too. Good to know. She had to restrain a gasp as Origami lifted the glass in his hoof again.

He sighed as he brought the glass to his lips, then pulled it away again.

Bullseye's eye bugged out as she continued to desperately try to focus on anything other than how close she was to completing her mission.

"It's so hard to find good help nowadays." He said aloud, melancholic.

Drink the poison you piece of-

Then he took a sip.

It didn't feel like an explosion of success. All of the tension drained from Bullseye's current canine body. The rain continued to fall outside, and Bullseye let out a silent breath she hadn't realized she was holding.

"Wait. Stop."

"What?"

"You actually succeeded?"

"Would you shut up and let her talk?"

"..."

"Yeah, what she said."

Origami made a face.

The glass came back up to his lips.

The fluid in his mouth drained back into the cup.

Everyone was already watching, so they saw the 'dinner table' faux pas that was spitting out something without a napkin, or an extremely good reason. Origami leered, out at all the eyes looking at him, and his previous action.

"Poison." He said simply.

"I can't really describe the sensation. Really, having been caught. Especially after I thought I'd done it."

"I don't think you need to."

"It felt like watching a cake flip over. Like you've got a whole meal in front of you, hours of cooking, and you just pick up the plate wrong and then it goes all over the floor. Except then the floor points a CTT-Nineteen at your head. I was scared, pissed, and definitely up shit-creek by definition."

"You're having a lot of fun messing with us, aren't you?"

"Anyways..."

"Excuse me?" Wave said, leaning over the table, her voice pitching up.

Origami pressed his front hooves together, keeping his posture pristine, as he turned to Snow Cone. "I guess I should have had you..." He breathed, "Replaced."

Snow Cone's eyes went wide, and Bullseye knew the look of a mare who was about to run. The maid's hooves stayed glued to the floor, however, they were clearly shaking. He thinks it was her. Suddenly, Bullseye's mind churned. First and foremost, how could he have tasted the venom? It had no flavor, how could it have gone so wrong so quickly? Now a life was on the line, and it wasn't hers, nor Origami. That was her fault.

Bullseye had to do something, so she did. She stood up, letting one of her large hands rest on the low table. "Sir, what are you saying?" She led with a paw, "Are you saying Snow Cone..." She feigned concern, innocence, probably not very well. "Snow Cone tried to poison you?"

"Tried." He clarified, still glaring daggers at the maid. "Is the keyword, yes."

"Now hold on a second." Johnson also stood. "Anyone of us coulda' poisoned that, you can't be certain it was the lady."

Origami's brow furrowed, "That's preposterous. How could any of you have the chance to? She was the only one who manipulated the bottle. It explains why she took so long too." He pointed an accusatory hoof at Snow.

"I-" Snow Cone tried, but she was shaking too much.

Verglas came to her rescue, saying what Bullseye was about to. "Snow Cone showed us all the wines, as you instructed sir. We all handled the bottle." At the same time, Verglas looked around the table. Those eyes marked all the other creatures, eventually settling on Bullseye, the eyes of a predator, trying to figure out how to get its talons around its next kill.

Shit-shit-shit-shit-sh

Wire said something to her side, Snow Cone kept trying to get something out of her mouth. Origami was staring on with barely contained aggression while struggling to regain control of the table vocally. Verglas had already accused Johnson. Immersion and Bullseye were the only two ponies not adding to the sudden cacophony.

"Except for Wire and Johnson, that is." Wave clarified, calling over the chatter.

Bullseye looked at Johnson, who briefly met her own gaze with a steely look before turning back to Verglas, who had finished her spiel that nobody listened to. Shit-shit-shit-shit-shhhhhhhhhhhh Was all that was running through Bullseye's head.

Origami roughly pushed himself away from the table. The chatter stopped, and everyone looked towards him as he stood. "I have never been so disrespected in my own home." He sneered. "Here's what's going to happen." He took several steps backwards.

"I have all of your names and faces. If any of you run, the police will come after you. You have until morning to figure out who the..." He looked towards Snow, still backing up. "Culprit. Is. If you can't, the police will simply arrest all of you; you'll all spend the rest of your lives in prison."

Origami opened the double wooden doors behind him, and left.

Just as the door closed, the rumble and flash of thunder and lightning signaled the true start of the storm.