Chapters View Online
Gorgeous Mare, Grotesque Horse
No Relation to Filip Geljo, The Philips Brand, or Any Related Phillip
It was supposed to be a normal day for going through family photos with friends.
But Twilight had been staring at the cursed photo for several minutes now, trying to find the best way to summarize just what she was looking at.
She knew there were three humans in costume, wearing various accessories for a photo shoot. She knew that much. Her gaze, however, was firmly fixed on the...horse in the back. Its cartoonish-looking amber eyes, its goofy smile...it terrified her in a way she had trouble expressing.
"Rainbow Dash," she cautiously tried as she pointed to the horse and asked, "Who's this?"
Rainbow, sitting across from Twilight, made her way over to examine the photo. "Oh, him? That's Phillip. He's..." She rolled her hoof around. "Sort of a cousin."
"Sort of?!"
"D-Distant! Distant." Rainbow grabbed a photo from her side of the table and placed it in front of Twilight. "Here's him in full."
Twilight's eyes grew wide. The very first thing that stuck out to her was the horse's eyes somehow becoming black and beady. The second thing was, of course, the cluster of stars it had as a cutie mark. She was unable to form words for a few minutes, her eyes darting over the photo and analyzing every detail -- the human boy in a suit playing a blow-up guitar, the horse in the back apparently named Phillip, the fact that said horse had a cutie mark. She could almost feel the brain cells melting away the more she thought about it.
"I'm..." She clutched a hoof to her head. "This...Rainbow..."
"What's the big deal?" Rainbow shrugged. "Phillip goes into that world all the time. Comes back with stories of something called 'Odd Squad' and how that kid playing the guitar there is obsessed with him. He's thinking of filing a restraining order, actually."
"But..." Twilight slammed her hoof on the ground, grabbed the photo in her magic, and thrust it into Rainbow's face. "Explain."
Rainbow shoved the photo to the side. "Explain what? I just told you who Phillip wa-"
"You explained nothing! Why does he go into this strange world? What is this strange world? Who are these kids? Why does he have pink in his mane?! Why does his tail look..." Twilight sputtered. "Plastic?!"
As Rainbow looked over the photo again, she gave a shrug. "He said it was editing software. Same software that changed his eyes around." She pointed to the first photo. "His eyes actually do look that color in Equestria." Her head lifted, and her brow furrowed. "Twilight, what's 'editing software'?"
Not that Twilight was all too familiar with it, but it wasn't like she could form a coherent answer anyway. She moved the photo away and stared at Rainbow with burning intensity. "Do you have any other photos of Phillip?"
"Huh? Oh, yeah. I got some. Just gimme a sec." Rainbow moved back to her side of the table, rustling through her photos that were still very disorganized. It took her a few minutes to uncover a set of photos featuring Phillip in question, but once she did, she laid them in front of Twilight.
"Well, I see these kids at least have some sense." Twilight said with a smirk, before she squinted. "Is...is he holding a pickle?"
"A balloon pickle, yeah."
Before Twilight could ask her to elaborate, Rainbow pointed to the next one.
"Okay, that megaphone was definitely added with editing software."
"Seriously, what is 'editing software'?"
"It's...uh..." Twilight faltered. "Well, it comes from the Human World. It's hard to explain if you've never actually been there..."
Rainbow blinked. "You mean like the Human World where Sunset Shimmer is? Or the human world where these humans are?"
Twilight moved her head to give Rainbow a look of disdain, without bothering to answer the question.
"...Oh. You've never actually been to where Phillip has, have you?"
"No. If I had been there before, perhaps I wouldn't feel a burning need to question why you have somepony in your family that looks like...that." Twilight's muzzle wrinkled. "To say nothing of who these kids are."
Rainbow snickered. "You really wanna know who they are?"
"Yes!" Twilight stopped and relaxed. "Uh, b-but not right now. Let me see the rest of these pictures..."
With a squint, Twilight looked at Phillip's eyes. Maybe it was light reflecting off of them, but she found them to be too creepy for her liking. She looked at the next one.
This one was one that Rainbow was trying to hold in laughter at. Twilight noticed easily, lifting her head. "What's so funny?"
"Oh...nothing, nothing. It's just, if you heard Phillip sing..." Rainbow let out a long slow whistle.
Twilight let out a surprised nicker at the first thing that hit her in the face: the carrot that the girl with flowers in her hair seemed to be holding that was decidedly not orange, or at least not completely orange. She didn't exactly have a green hoof like Applejack, but she knew enough to know that carrots were usually orange. Maybe this carrot was painted in different colors? But then, why feed it to Phillip? Did he like multicolored carrots?
"Odd, isn't it?" Rainbow asked, erupting into laughter as she slammed one hoof on the table and clutched her stomach with the other.
"I don't see what's so funny."
"You'll...oh, jeez...you'll get it when I tell you."
Sighing in frustration, Twilight looked over the last two photos in the set.
Either Phillip had gotten his fur brushed, or this particular photo hadn't come out great. It was about the only two theories Twilight could make that actually sounded sane. Because of the brightness, she couldn't tell if the saxophone the smaller girl was holding was real or not. Her heart plummeted as she realized that there was a fifty-fifty chance that it was, and this horse could somehow play the saxophone without the use of hooves or his magic.
It took every inch of effort for Twilight to look at the last photo.
She breathed a sigh of relief. Only barely distinct from the previous one.
Staring Rainbow down, she shoved the photos away. "Okay, I saw all the photos. That...is all of them, right?"
"Yup." Rainbow crossed her front legs. "So, you wanna know where Phillip and those kids come from?"
Twilight nodded furiously, placing her hooves on the table and leaning forward in anticipation.
"Okay, well, you know the Human World, yeah?" Twilight nodded again. "Well, this human world isn't exactly the Human World. It's a different human world known as 'Earth'. On 'Earth', there is a worldwide government organization called Odd Squad, which deals with all sorts of bad guys and weird stuff." Rainbow went around to one side of the table, grabbed one of the photos of Phillip at random, and pointed to the three kids in it. "These three work for Odd Squad as agents. So I think this one's...Agent Orli." She pointed to the bun-haired girl, then moved her hoof to the smaller girl -- "Captain O" -- and finally to the boy, "Agent Ozzie."
As hard as she tried to follow, Twilight only barely understood Rainbow's explanation. She knew who the three kids were now, and knew that they probably weren't in costumes -- but why was Phillip there and not in Equestria? If he lived in that world, how was he related to Rainbow? Did these two worlds merge and Twilight just happened to sleep through it? Or was Celestia holding something back from her?
Whatever the questions that arose from this madness were, she knew what she had to do. She stood up and began heading for the door.
"Wait! Where are you going?" Rainbow's eyes widened in realization. "Hoooold on. You're not gonna actually go see Phillip, are you?"
"Yes, I am. Who knows how long it'll be before Phillip returns to Equestria? I need these questions answered now or it's going to drive me insane."
Rainbow stared at the retreating form of her friend. "Wow. Self-awareness of your own Twilighting. You don't see that every day."
"Shut up."
By some contrived coincidence, Starlight happened to have a portal to Earth handy. Several of them, in fact, for different locations.
At this point, Twilight was done asking questions. She wanted to take action. Whatever portal business Starlight was getting into could be discussed later. Right now, all she wanted to do was fling herself into the portal and emerge hopefully somewhere close to where Phillip was.
She landed on her front at the entryway to a building that looked like it was half underground and half aboveground. It had some weird hexagonal seal in the middle upper window, and two seals flanking it in the other windows. It wasn't really hard to tell that this was Odd Squad's base of operations, especially since the portal had been exact in where to dump Twilight.
Jumping to her hooves quickly, she rushed inside, not intending to look around but having her attention pulled by most everything at once. The humans that were there were dressed in similar-looking suits as Ozzie, Orli, and Captain O, which cemented the fact that this wasn't some kind of costume party. No, they were in uniform.
"Hey!" she called. "I need help!"
This caught the attention of a sandy-haired boy -- Ozzie, if Twilight guessed correctly, who began meandering his way over to her. "Yes? How can we help you?"
"I need to see whoever runs this place, now. It's important."
"Captain O?" Ozzie pointed to a nearby hallway. "She should be in her office right now, I believe. If you'd like, I'm happy to take-"
"Yes! Take me to her! Please!"
Ozzie stammered for a few moments, before nodding. "All...right then. Follow me."
As the pair walked, Twilight tried to calm her nerves by fully taking in her surroundings. Ozzie sounded...sort of like Rarity, now that she thought about it. Maybe he came from some affluential place, and that's why he was working for this organization.
"Hold on." Ozzie pausing his gait cut into her thoughts as he turned around. "Are you...a winged unicorn?"
Somehow, Twilight could guess where this was going. "Uh...y-yes? Though we're called alicorns where I'm-"
"Oh my goodness." Ozzie staggered backward. "There's...a winged unicorn ...here in Headquarters!" He grabbed Twilight by the cheeks and lifted her up. "You have to tell me everything about where you're from. And I mean everything."
"Look, I jusht want to shee your leader."
"Yeah, sure, sure. I've never seen a winged unicorn before. I didn't even know Britain had those!" In his excitement, Ozzie dropped Twilight. "Ha, and Onom told me they didn't exist. Serves him right."
There was only one thought that flashed in Twilight's mind: I need to leave, now. The only problem is...I don't know which one is Captain O's office. There are so many doors here. Maybe if I look for one that looks like a regular door?
As she darted off, she only barely heard Ozzie's cry of "Where are you going?!" She did, however, see him coming up fast behind him, and decided to fly in order to gain more speed. She passed by all sorts of agents who either didn't give her a second glance or gave her a look of confusion, but let her focus stay solely on getting away from that mad human chasing her down. As soon as she found a normal-looking door, she barged in and landed rather ungracefully on the floor, tumbling until she hit something hard and wooden.
"Slippery sea serpents! Be careful with that cabinet! It contains some of my most precious memories from at sea."
With a groan, Twilight rubbed her head and got to her hooves. Her head moved towards the source of the posh voice, and craned upwards to meet the face of a small human girl wearing golden aguillettes across her right shoulder and down the front of her uniform.
"...Captain O?"
"That's me. Are you all right?"
"I'm fine. Or I should be fine." Twilight's head moved towards the door. "There was someone chasing me, and...I must have crash-landed in here. You wouldn't happen to be the leader of this place, would you?"
"I wouldn't be called Captain O if I wasn't, hm?" Captain O smiled. "Is there any way I can help you?"
"Yes. I'm looking for a unicorn named Phillip. He should be here, supposedly, but I haven't seen him."
"Ah, one of your brethren?"
"No, he's-" Twilight stopped and took a deep breath. "My friend is apparently related to him. But she's not from this world."
"What's your friend's name?"
"Rainbow Dash."
Captain O crossed her arms. "Can't say I recognize her. Sorry. But if you're looking for Phillip, he's in the Captain's Club."
Twilight blinked. "The...what?"
"The Captain's Club. It's an exclusive club for us Odd Squad leaders." Captain O gave a smirk and a halfhearted shrug. "Well...just for me, anyway. Not many other Directors come by here."
"Captain O?"
Whatever voice Twilight was expecting to come out of Phillip, "airy upper-class accent" wasn't it. She also wasn't expecting him to look so imposing in real life, as he easily towered over her. In a way, he looked deformed, and it unnerved her so much that she had to take a step back.
"My apologies for interrupting, but there's someone rather important waiti-" Phillip stopped and looked at the other being in the room. "Oh. Who's this?"
"Hello, Phillip. This is..."
"Twilight Sparkle."
"Yes. This is Twilight Sparkle. She's looking for you, as a matter of fact."
"Hm? What for?"
The question formed in Twilight's brain, but her hooves refused to move towards what her brain perceived to be a threat. "Uh...well, I wanted to ask you some questions about a friend of mine. You're related to her. Rainbow Dash."
Phillip's expression lit up like fireworks. "Oh, yes, Rainbow Dash! Goodness, it's been quite a while, hasn't it?" He approached Twilight. "How's my favorite cousin?"
"She's-" Twilight's eyes shot wide open. She shook her head furiously. "Wait...you two are actual cousins?"
"Indeed!" Phillip chirped. "Distant in blood, but close in relationship."
Captain O's face scrunched up like she ate bad seaweed. "Please don't word it like that."
"Sorry. Not...er, we're not...dating..." Twilight could swear a bit of red was creeping into Phillip's cheeks, which made a small piece of her mind melt just from how improbable it seemed.. "We're very close. Almost like siblings, you could say."
Slowly, Twilight raised a tentative hoof and posed her next question. "So why are you here, while Rainbow's in Equestria? She said you live in Equestria, but you come here all the time."
This made Phillip laugh as he waved his own hoof about. "Oh, Twilight. I assume you haven't been in this world long." He pointed towards the door. "It's fascinating. Exciting. Thrilling! Filled with adventure and danger!" A wistful sigh. "Sadly, I don't get much of that where I live in Equestria. Birmaneham is a quiet town, you see."
Made sense to Twilight, though she found it hard to relate considering she was a world savior who went on adventures all the time. "So how, exactly, do you get here? Did you create a portal?"
"Bingo!" Phillip tapped his front hooves on the ground in a pale imitation of what Twilight would generously consider clapping. "Ever since I was a colt, I've been absolutely obsessed with portals. A way to a new world, perhaps one filled with everything I've been looking for. I studied all I could, learned all sorts of spells, improved my magic skills, and finally, I created a portal to this world!"
Suddenly, something itched at Twilight's mind. She turned to Captain O. "And you? Why aren't you surprised about any of this?"
"Unicorns are very common creatures here. When Phillip arrived and said he was from some world called 'Equus', it wasn't much of a shock."
Twilight froze. Stared at Captain O for a solid minute. Tried to let her brain process what the girl just said. "What."
Captain O exchanged a confused look with Phillip.
"Did...are you...there...there are more..." A slow aching wheeze made its way out of Twilight, and she could feel her lungs shrivel up like raisins. "There are more unicorns?"
"Yes."
Deja vu from the changeling invasion hit her like a truck. If Phillip was a unicorn from Equestria, who knew how many more were out there that were from Equestria, or even from Equus as a whole? It wasn't like she could confine them to her world, but even so, it felt uncomfortable knowing that she could trot the streets of the town and pass by a unicorn and they would be somepony she happened to know. Like...oh, Celestia...like Starlight. Surely she didn't come to Earth? Surely she didn't look the same as Phillip?
In two flashes of magic, she conjured up a notepad and a pen and furiously began scribbling notes, ignoring whatever reactions Captain O and Phillip were having.
"Oh!" Ozzie chose that moment to enter, placing a hand on the door frame as he tried to catch his breath. "There you are. You're fast for a winged unicorn, huh?"
Captain O eyed him suspiciously. "Ozzie, you didn't chase Twilight around HQ, did you?"
"What? No! No, no, why would I ever..." Ozzie paused, and then hung his head low. "Yeah. Yeah, I did."
"Maybe we should send you to Equus." Captain O suggested. "You'd be part of the furniture, I'm sure."
Had Twilight been paying attention, she would have asked what Captain O meant. As it stood, though, she was on her fifth page of notes and had gone from writing stuff down about Phillip to writing stuff down about Odd Squad and the portals used to get to Earth. It was like a treasure trove full of new things to research had been discovered and was ripe for her exploration. And Starlight's, too, if she was already involved in the creation of portals. All Twilight needed now was a plan.
She took a deep breath and looked up. "Okay." With her magic, she slid the notepad and pen into hammerspace. "I think I have all the notes I need."
"For what?" Ozzie asked, with just a tinge of caution.
As much as the deep breath made Twilight calm, it was only for a moment. "A portal made by my friend got me here. A portal made by my friend who probably let other unicorns through it! There is Equestrian life on this planet, and I'm going to devote every single ounce of my time-"
"Second."
Twilight knew the voice belonged to Captain O. She didn't, however, bother to respond. "Towards my work. And as for you..." She thrust a hoof at Phillip. "You are coming back to Equestria with me."
"Um...do...I have to?"
Twilight's horn lit up, and encased Phillip in a large bubble. Lifting him up, though, proved to be a harder feat than anticipated, probably because Phillip's weight was changed between worlds. Another thing to research. "You don't have a choice," she snarled, before beginning to walk out of the door.
"B-but I like it here!"
"Once I'm done with you, then you can go wherever you want to. Right now, though? You are my test subject, whether you like it or not!"
"Um, Twilight..." Captain O took a few steps forward. "Please, don't harm him. Without him, the Captain's Club-"
"Will be obsolete? Yeah, sure. Don't worry, I'm not going to harm him. If he cooperates."
The gulp Phillip made seemed to echo throughout the room before he was toted out by Twilight, who didn't bother to tell Captain O and Ozzie it was nice to meet them. Besides, with the knowledge of how to make an Earth-bound portal, she could come back to this world eventually.
About a few minutes in, Twilight stopped and looked around in confusion, hoping to find a passing human she could ask for assistance.
"Are you lost?"
The question was innocent enough. Twilight, in her one-track state of mind, didn't see it that way. "No." A lengthy pause, and then a sigh. "Yes."
"All right, well, you'll want to take a left..."
Begrudgingly, Twilight walked the halls with Phillip in tow, trying to suppress her questions about the doors and the agents and just about everything else her eyes laid on. It was too overwhelming to think about, and besides, she had bigger priorities on her mind.
When Twilight emerged from the portal with Phillip, the first thing she noticed was that he seemed lighter to carry, which was an indication that perhaps he had turned back into a pony. The second thing she noticed was Starlight reading a book in the far-off section of the room.
"Oh, Twilight! You're back!" Starlight set down her book and trotted over. "I trust you had a pleasant trip?"
"Yeah, uh-huh. Listen, could you get Rainbow Dash for me? Tell her to meet me at the castle. And tell her it's important. Important like a summons from Celestia herself!"
Starlight slightly tilted her head. "Uh...okay? I'll go get her. Just one question, though, since you didn't bother to give me many details..." She pointed at the pony in the bubble. "Who's that?"
"Phillip. I'll explain later."
"Okay." In a flash, Starlight teleported away, leaving just Twilight and Phillip alone to walk the halls and rooms of the castle.
"Erm...so where are we going, exactly?" Phillip asked tentatively.
"Somewhere where I can interrogate you."
"I-Interrogate?" Phillip scoffed. "Are you saying I'm a villain?"
"No. How did you come to that conclusion?"
"Because when Odd Squad interrogates people-"
"Let me stop you right there." Twilight held up a hoof. "This isn't Earth, my castle is not Odd Squad, and I think you've been spending just a bit too much time over there, don't you think?"
Phillip fell quiet for a moment. "Perhaps. My apologies. It's just that I don't quite understand what it is you're doing, exactly, and why it involves me."
Twilight's raised hoof met her forehead for a moment before it slid down. "I'm going to interrogate you to find any possible links between Equestria and Earth. From there, I can see if other ponies have made their way towards Earth, find out where they are, and find out if they have any connection to Odd Squad. Then comes the second phase, which is researching Odd Squad and its inhabitants. Clearly, it has a level of planetary influence, so it must be very important to Earth's ecosystem. And if there are Equestrian unicorns within Odd Squad, then we can start working towards a potential alliance between them and the Equestrian government. If an alliance is secured, then the next step will be towards interdimensional travel between our two worlds, bringing-"
"Um." Phillip blinked. "I'm...sorry, but you lost me after the first...ah...'phase' was explained. Could you simplify it just a little?"
"I'm going," Twilight spoke slowly, "to interrogate you, to find a link between Equestria and Earth."
"Oh, is that all?" Phillip let out an airy laugh. "Well, I think Captain O might've given you the answer to that one. A link already exists. There are already Equestrian unicorns on Earth. I'd say your next step should be finding out what Odd Squad is."
Twilight stopped. Slightly narrowed her eyes. Turned around and craned her head upwards to meet the smaller form of Phillip. And glared. "You can't be serious."
"Unicorns on Earth are merely one part of the equation. Odd Squad is an even bigger part. After all, they are the ones who keep the world in order."
This earned an eye twitch. "And how's that?"
"Well...I could tell you. Or, I could let you drive yourself mad researching about it." Phillip tapped his chin. "I think I'll go with the latter."
Suddenly, Twilight began to realize where Rainbow got her teasing from. Her look of anger shifted to one of getting the upper hoof. "The joke's on you, because that's exactly the answer I was expecting."
"...What?"
"I love doing research!" Twilight chirped, turning around and continuing to walk. "So don't tell me anything. Let me find out about Odd Squad for myself."
In preparation, she added a soundproof layer to the bubble, which muted any revealing conclusions Phillip would utter. If he was going to give her a challenge, then so be it. She would face it head-on. If she could weave her way through the trials and tribulations of the Human World, then surely she could do the same for the human world.
Taking a vacant room near the castle's front doors, Twilight stepped inside, closed the doors behind her, and set Phillip down on the floor before releasing him from his bubble. If he had been speaking before, he certainly wasn't now, instead staring at her expectantly.
"If you could have a seat at the table." Twilight gestured to a chair, at which Phillip was happy to sit in. She, in turn, took a seat across from him, glancing at the door for a moment to see if she could spot any oncoming shadows approaching her door before turning her gaze over to Phillip. By all means, he looked every inch like he did on Earth, discounting his horn being white instead of gold and the shrunken size of both body and horn.
The doors bursting open, and the sound of flapping wings, made her jump slightly. "Oh wow." Rainbow landed gracefully, wiping stray tears away from her eye. "When Starlight told me you had 'some weird unicorn' with you, I didn't think..." She couldn't finish the sentence, and laughter filled the gap. "You brought him here?"
"Yes, Rainbow." Twilight let her frown deepen. "He gave me a breakthrough, believe it or not. He and Captain O both. There are Equestrian unicorns roaming about on Earth already. Odd Squad is massive. I mean, they keep world peace!" She threw her hooves into the air before moving one slightly towards Phillip. "So naturally, the next step is to find out all about them."
Rainbow looked hesitant. "Uhh...I don't know about that. You sure they want you sticking your snout in their business?"
"If they didn't, I don't think their agents would have welcomed me."
Phillip interjected by clearing his throat. "Erm, if I may?" He raised a tentative hoof. "From my visits, I happen to know that Odd Squad has quite a lot of books in its library. In fact, I believe they have a department dedicated to literary matters. As such, there may be something there that can help you."
Twilight's head snapped to Phillip like someone had been twisting it and gotten it into position. She stared at him, blinked rapidly several times, then slowly leaned towards the table. "Excuse me?"
"Mm, what was its name..." Phillip tapped his hoof on the table. "Darn, it must've slipped my mind."
Taking a deep breath, Twilight tried to compose herself. She could just drop the interrogation and go back to Earth right now, but as long as she had Phillip here, she might as well make the most of it. "Okay, Phillip. So here's what we're going to do." She slammed her hooves on the table and lifted herself up. "You're going to tell me everything you know about Odd Squad."
Phillip blinked. "All of it?"
Starlight teleported into the room. Twilight only barely noticed her as she narrowed her eyes that were blazing with passion and excitement.
"All of it."
Author's Note
Writers hand me ideas on a silver platter. It is my moral duty to do something with them. In this particular case, this story has been in the making since this unicorn was revealed in a behind-the-scenes photo, wherein I did, in fact, joke about it being Odd Squad's version of Super Rainbow Dash. Lo and behold my amazement when I found out it was an MLP reference, just not to Rainbow Dash, taken from my Seren's Study episode followup of "Club 37":
So essentially, it's bootleg Rainbow Dash with the white from G1 Twilight's mane and tail (or perhaps the coat of Rarity from G4) and her cutie mark from that generation. A mix-and-match, if you will. (Or, likewise, the very-fanon Super Rainbow Dash, where her fur is, in fact, white.)
Because they're too scared to make an actual reference, the fucking bastards.
You didn't have to include the cutie mark. You chose to add that. And then you half-assed the rest of it. Could have made the unicorn have G1 Twilight's colors and that's it, but God forbid, Hasbro's gonna hunt them down for money, oooooo scawy.
0/10. See me after class.
Makes one wonder if episode writer Omar Khan is some kind of brony underneath the terrible writing and the obsession with sleeping characters.
View Online
Gorgeous Mare, Grotesque Horse
Having Fun is Hard With a Book, Especially If Dealing with a Girl Named Ook
As it turned out, Phillip knew quite a bit about Odd Squad...as an outsider looking in.
He wasn't employed with them, so he only had a very basic knowledge of what went on in Headquarters, plus some bits and bobbles that he picked up from eavesdropping. This upset Twilight, because she wanted inner workings. She wouldn't settle for base knowledge.
"Is that really all you know?!" she shouted, slamming an authoritative hoof on the table.
"Y-yes! I assure you, I have shared every bit of knowledge I have about Odd Squad!" Phillip stammered. "I-If it's not enough, then I apologize, but-"
A loud and exaggerated and very tired sigh forced itself out of Twilight. It was very obvious what she had to do now. She had quite a few avenues she could take, but there was only one that stuck out in her mind.
"Phillip." She stood up. "We're going back to Odd Squad."
"Going back? But we just got here!"
"You mentioned that they had a library, right? And since you haven't exactly been helpful, then I'm going to turn to their books." With a narrowing of her eyes, she glared at Phillip. "Who is the librarian there?"
Phillip could only stammer.
"Uh, Twilight?" Rainbow slightly tilted her head. "Maaaaybe you should calm down. Take a deep breath or something."
Twilight whirled on her friend. "Calm down?" she said, her tone as cold as ice. "I just discovered a world that has been connected to Equestria this entire time , and you're telling me I need to calm down? Do you know how groundbreaking this is, Rainbow Dash? Do you want to see for yourself how groundbreaking this is?"
"Well-"
"Do you?"
"I..." Rainbow fiddled with her hooves, glancing from Phillip to Twilight to Starlight. And then, she sighed. "I guess I'll come along. Just to make sure you don't start making the locals angry." A tapping of the chin. "Though it would be nice to kick some butt..."
Starlight shot Rainbow a look of disapproval before her gaze became fixed on Twilight. "Why don't I come along too? My curiosity is piqued, and to be honest..."
"You've been to Earth before, haven't you?"
Starlight stiffened. "I...y-yeah. How did you..."
"You have a portal to Earth. It's not exactly hard to figure out." Twilight remarked with a smirk. "Maybe you know stuff about Odd Squad that I don't."
"Well, I wouldn't say that. But I'm happy to help however I can."
"So it's settled." Twilight glanced at Phillip for all of five seconds before encasing him in another magic bubble and floating him over to her side. "Come on, everypony. To the portal!"
As soon as Twilight landed, she sprung to her hooves and rushed right to the doors. While Phillip, still trapped in the bubble, followed suit, Starlight and Rainbow sought it fit to look around.
"Huh. A...farmer's market?" Starlight blinked as she looked at a setup far away that contained stalls and people. "Or some kind of festival?"
"Ooh, a festival?" Rainbow zoomed up into the air and squinted. "With humans! Hey, why don't we go?"
"Girls!" Twilight called. "We're not here to sightsee! C'mon!"
As soon as the group had gathered again, they went inside of Headquarters. Starlight and Rainbow suddenly became two fillies in a chocolate factory, eyeing everything and talking to everyone their eyes just so happened to lay upon. As much as Twilight wanted to cut them loose, she didn't want any dimensional incidents to occur when she hadn't even talked to Celestia and Luna about alliances and such yet. The only problem was that it was hard to pull them away from all the agents who, likewise, were fascinated by them and wanted to meet them, at least not without resorting to magical means.
But as they say, desperate times call for desperate measures.
"Now, here's the plan," she said, as the quad squad were walking through the halls. "We're going to go see Captain O. If anyone knows about Odd Squad's library, it's her. We'll follow her directions from there."
"What directions?"
Everyone, Phillip included, gave startled whinnies as they backed up a few steps. Somehow, Captain O appeared right in front of Twilight when she wasn't looking where she was going, which was weird because, as far as she knew, none of the humans here had teleportation powers. Or magic, for that matter.
"I...oh." Twilight blinked. "Captain O? How did you-"
"Don't ask." Captain O waved her hand dismissively. "Now, what are you talking abo-" She stopped and eyed Starlight and Rainbow. "You brought guests?"
Suddenly, it dawned on Twilight that perhaps bringing her friends along was a bad idea. "Yes. This is Starlight Glimmer and Rainbow Dash. They're my friends from Equestria," she explained. "They wanted to come along with me. I'm looking for details on your library. You wouldn't happen to have one here, would you?"
"Ah. Nice to meet you both." Captain O nodded at the other unicorn and the pegasus before her attention was turned to Twilight. "There is a library, but it's not in Odd Squad. It's..." She bit her lip. "Wait, no. Sorry. Let me try again." A clearing of the throat. "There's a library in the center of town that is run by Agent Ook."
"Ook?" Rainbow asked incredulously. "Like the sound a monkey makes?"
"No. Ook. Pronounce 'book' without the hard B."
"Ook."
"Ook."
"...Ook."
"Ook."
"All right, we get it!" Starlight snapped, giving Rainbow a shove. "Do you have a map or something? We don't know where the center of town is."
Captain O reached behind her back and pulled out a large rolled-up map. "Here. It's marked, but you can use landmarks to find your way there."
Twilight magically snatched the map from Captain O's hands and unfurled it. Her gaze swept over the landmarks that were pointed out on it, from a sign showing where Odd Squad was located to the town square. She was easily able to spot a building that looked like a library, all the way to the right.
"I...thought you were going to ask what landmarks are."
"Uh, no? We know what landmarks are," Rainbow scoffed. "What, were you gonna teach us math or something?"
"Actually yes. Mathematics are a core part of Odd Squad. Not that any of you would understand that." Captain O glanced at the lone outlier. "Except for Phillip."
"I've been taught landmarks thousands of times and I still forget!"
As much as she wanted to snark, Twilight instead opted to roll up the map. "Thank you, Captain O. This is a great help."
"You're very welcome. Hope you find the answers you're looking fo-" There was a distant ding of a bell, and Captain O whirled around. "Opie, if you don't stop doing those bloody OddTok challenges, then I will have you fed to the kraken!"
"Sorry, Captain! But me and the Odd Squad Cheerleading Team are trying to determine who gets the last slice of Osgood's fudge pizza!"
The Captain slowly, but surely, moved her eyes to stare right into Twilight's soul with the weight of a boulder from the planet's first land formation.
"Please smite her."
"No. We'll be taking our leave."
"Drat."
The library wasn't all too hard to spot. Mainly because the building had the same circular seal Headquarters did, with the bananas and the jackalope and the stars, and the symbol that accompanied it was of an orange-colored open book. If one asked Twilight, those were pretty easy tells.
The main problem was the librarian inside who looked more annoyed that she had equine patrons than shocked that there were equine patrons in her library.
"If you don't mind waiting," she sneered, "then I would like to get back to stamping these books."
"Aren't you supposed to be serving patrons first?" Rainbow stopped, and then gave herself a smack on the forehead. "Great. The fact that I know that definitely makes the whole 'egghead' stuff true."
The librarian sighed, shoved her stamping supplies and books to the side, and adjusted her circular glasses as she glared at the group. "Fine. Welcome to the Odd Squad Library in Cambridge. How can I help you?"
Starlight took initiative this time around, trotting to the front of the group as far as she could get. "We're looking for someone by the name of 'Ook.' Have you seen them?"
"You're speaking to her."
For a moment, Starlight tried to process this. "Huh." She blinked. "I guess when you think about it, it makes sense."
"Mm." Ook glanced at some rectangular machine that sat on her desk. "So what can I help you with?"
"We're hoping you might have books on Odd Squad. Any and all of them."
"Any and all..." Ook shook her head. "That's nearly half of the library! You want to check out half of my library?! Is that even legal?! I- it's- what-" She abruptly stood up. "No. I don't care what the Academy has said. I don't care what Captain O has said. You're not checking out-"
"HEY!" Rainbow shouted, which quickly earned her a round of shushes from nearby patrons that she opted to ignore. "We're not gonna check them out! We're gonna read them!" She glanced at Twilight. "That is the plan, right?"
Twilight heaved a sigh. "Yes, Rainbow Dash, for the third time." She looked past the desk, hoping to find some kind of sign that would point her to where she was going. "Ook, we're specifically looking for books on unicorns. Earth's history with them, Odd Squad's history with them, and so on. Do you have anything like that?"
"If I do, it certainly isn't behind me." Ook pointed behind the group, and they turned to look accordingly. "In the back of the library, there is a section dedicated to Odd Squad history. Try looking there."
Although Twilight and the others gave their thanks to Ook, she wasn't receptive to it, instead choosing to wave them off before she got back to her stamping. Which Twilight didn't get -- rarely did she ever meet a librarian so rude -- but she supposed Earth had different customs when it came to libraries and the people that ran them.
A small part of her disliked Ook, though. Another small part wanted to give Rainbow some ape material to work with in terms of insults. But there were priorities.
Soon, everyone had a good pile of books stacked on the table. Twilight, sitting on one side, looked the titles over.
Odd Squad in History.
A Guide to the Phen-odd-ema of Odd Squad.
Unicorns: An Overly Comprehensive Guide That You Should Only Read If You Can Stand Reading Over a Thousand Pages in a Book.
She wrinkled her muzzle at the last one, which sounded far too wordy for her liking. She couldn't recall any books with those kinds of titles in the castle library, and had to wonder if the authors on Earth were just inept at titling stories. Who was the author of this one, anyway? Someone named 'Agent Olympia'? Yeah, that...didn't explain much. She decided to chalk it up to a simple skill issue and opened the book.
The picture was what caught her eye first. The question that should have been obvious from the get-go only just now dawned on her: why was Phillip turned back into a horse, like the book's picture, but Twilight and her friends weren't? Did Phillip do some experimenting on himself when he was practicing magic? It certainly wouldn't be impossible, as Twilight could personally attest to. Did Odd Squad change him? If Twilight, Rainbow, and Starlight had stayed in Odd Squad, would they be changed too?
For a moment, she contemplated asking Rainbow. But she probably wouldn't have an answer for her beyond the lines of "I dunno". So instead, Twilight decided to go back to reading.
Although Odd Squad has existed since the dawn of man, unicorns are rumored to have existed for far longer. Described as mythical creatures capable of granting any wish an ally desires and with a taste similar to that of sugar, it would often be a challenge for agents to go and catch one, despite most unicorns residing in a town above the clouds.
Twilight stopped. Read the last portion again. Glanced at Rainbow, and then blinked, because unicorns walking on clouds with cloud-walking spells was one thing, but unicorns actually living there without the use of any spells was another. She continued to read.
Rumors of alternate dimensions consisting of unicorns far unlike the ones agents know have circulated among society for years. One such dimension, referred to only as "Equestria", consists of unicorns, as well as pegasi, far unlike Earth's own. Attempts to reach this dimension by numerous Directors, as well as teams of famed agents, have proven unsuccessful, and research is still being performed on this dimension as Directors, as well as the Big O who is currently serving, see fit.
Pressing her hooves into the table, Twilight could feel her heart race.
They knew about Equestria.
They've known about Equestria for years.
She read the passage over and over again, trying to convince herself that she was seeing things. But eventually, she gave up that fight and accepted the truth. There was more to what Captain O had said than just "unicorns have existed around us for a long time". She would have lost her mind if she saw Twilight, Starlight, and Rainbow, because they looked so much more different than Phillip. But she hadn't.
Conjuring up a notepad and pencil, she began to write her notes. But there was more that had to be done, and so she grabbed Odd Squad in History to look at.
Twenty pages of notes were written in the span of several minutes. And Twilight could have kept going.
"Hey, Twilight." Starlight pointed to the notepad. "Why don't you just check out the books you have? You could always return them when you're done. I'm sure you can get through them before the return due date is up."
Twilight set down her pencil and glanced at Starlight as though she had lost a significantly-sized brain cell. "You really think Ook would let us check out all of these books?" she deadpanned. "She doesn't exactly seem like the type to be okay with ponies checking out her books."
"I think she'd do it just so she could get back to stamping. Or..." Starlight looked at the front desk, where, sure enough, Ook was busy stamping the insides of books. "Yeah, stamping."
"Okay, but besides that, Starlight...I'd have to make a whole new shelf just for borrowed Odd Squad books. I'd need to reorganize every book in the castle! And I just did that yesterday!"
"Ah, what's another day of organizing? You love organizing!"
Twilight gave an annoyed eyeroll. "Just tell me what you've got so far."
"A lot, actually!" Starlight spun her book around to show Twilight, smiling like a schoolfilly whose favorite subject was history. "Did you know that a lot of unicorns here actually live in a place called Cloud Town? And if agents go to them, they get free fish and chips -- whatever that is -- and they get a wish granted by the king!" She tapped her chin. "I wonder if I could get a wish granted..."
"We are not going to Cloud Town."
"Aww, and why not?" Phillip piped up. "I have family there! Er, closer family. It's been such a long while since I've seen them..."
"You can go to Cloud Town anytime! You come to this world often enough!" Twilight sighed. "Look. Everypony, reorganize your efforts towards Odd Squad history books once you've gathered enough data on Earth-bound unicorns. We need to find out as much as we can about the organization. Because, as I've just found out, they know about Equestria. And that means they might know about us."
Rainbow perked up. "Really? So they know all about my awesome feats?!" She put her hooves to her cheeks. "That's so cool!"
As much as Twilight loved Rainbow, she had to really resist that urge to give her a slap for missing the point. Instead, she sighed and waved her hoof. "Go back to reading and taking notes. There's a lot we need to cover."
Twilight was, to most ponies' surprise, a speed reader. There was a reason why she hit libraries' hard checkout limits and could return books in the span of a week. But she didn't exactly employ her skills all too often -- to her, reading a book was like digesting food. Eat too fast, and it won't digest well. Take the time to chew your food before it goes down the old esophagus, and you could actually savor it.
In this particular case, though, she was willing to make an exception.
With a stack of notes as thick as an average encyclopedia, and several specific ones about unicorns set aside in a folder, she made her way back to Equestria and began booking it for her dedicated study room, with the others following suit.
"Okay." She laid the notes down. "This will take me some time to organize."
"And what are you going to do with them once you organize them?" Starlight asked.
"I'm going to send them to the princesses, of course." Twilight looked up. "Or maybe it's best if I go to Canterlot myself. Yes, that's what I'll do. And you..." She jabbed a hoof at Phillip. "...are going to come with me."
Phillip took a nervous step back. "M-me? Why me? T-t-to meet...the princesses?"
From that question alone, Twilight could easily predict what was going to happen. And even though she would be a hypocrite, she was determined not to let it transpire. "Don't act so starstruck." she scolded. "I'm taking you because you're the only pony that we know has a connection to Odd Squad. Finding out who has crossed into Earth and is associated with Odd Squad would take up too much time." She raised a hoof and slammed it onto the table, using a quick burst of magic to stop the stack of notes from wobbling too much. "The time for action is now."
"You want help organizing?" Rainbow offered. "I'm not the best at it, but I wanna help however I can."
"Me too." Starlight nodded. "Just tell me where to begin."
Giving a grateful smile, Twilight waved them over, as well as Phillip, and split the stack of notes into four separate pieces, placing one of each in front of them. "Organize these by ascending era. The chunks of years are marked on the top. Earth years aren't like Equestrian years, so keep that in mind when you're organizing."
The room grew quiet as everyone diligently got to work. Twilight, fueled by dedication and the promise of a new future alliance for her home country, honed her focus, even though she couldn't shake the excitement that she would be seeing Celestia and Luna again after what felt like a long time.
But she had to shake it.
Because this time, she meant business.
View Online
Gorgeous Mare, Grotesque Horse
Disclaimer: Oprah Whinnyfrey Does Not Appear in This Chapter
Most of the castle's royal guards would be on high alert if they saw a pony soaring through the halls in a hurry. Since it was Twilight, though, most of them watched her go, all the way to the throne room.
Her bursting in suddenly interrupted a meeting that Celestia appeared to be having. But by this point, Twilight was too much of a mess of emotions to care. Her gaze looked at the ponies that she didn't bother to recognize, a glint in her eyes that served as a silent cue for them to take their leave.
"Goodness, Twilight. I...oh." Celestia blinked. "Spike sent me a letter informing me of your arrival, but I suppose you didn't receive my response letter."
"No, a-and I'm sorry, but this is too urgent. I left as soon as Spike sent my letter. I need to speak with you on a private matter and I would appreciate it if your guests would le- uh, n-not be in the room with us."
A look of worry settled on Celestia's features. "I see." She glanced at the trio of ponies standing next to Twilight. "In that case, may we continue with the dealings of this matter at another time?"
"Certainly, princess," the teal-furred mare responded, though Twilight caught her giving a side-eye stink eye to her. "Good day."
The shared gait of the trio was uppity as expected, but Twilight didn't care. She would have been content to use her magic and shove all three of them out the door if Celestia weren't watching her. As soon as the doors closed, she focused all of her attention on her former mentor, pulling out a few binders that weren't with her before but were instead hidden in hammerspace.
"I'm sure you know of Phillip from the letter." A nod from Celestia. "After taking a trip to Earth and meeting with Odd Squad, we compiled extensive notes based on their catalog of history books." Twilight levitated the binders over to Celestia, who caught them and began flipping through them. "One of the big things we managed to find is that they've had access to a portal that leads to Equestria, and have tried to cross through unsuccessfully. Likewise, we've tossed around the theory that some Equestrian unicorns could be trotting on Earth as well, but aside from Phillip and Starlight Glimmer, we don't know of anypony else who has been, or could be, traveling to Earth."
Celestia nodded. "Odd Squad...I know of them well. One of their leaders -- their Big Os, as it were -- tried reaching out to Luna and I a few millennia into our reign. As much as they wanted to cross over, something prohibited them from doing so. Starswirl never sought to pursue the matter any further because Odd Squad was one of many dimensions he was studying, and a dimension with humans wasn't..." She tapped her chin. "Hmm, I'm forgetting the exact wording he used."
Twilight's eyes widened in shock. "You...you've known of Odd Squad for this long?"
"Yes. But once we found out of their intent to catch unicorns and their penchant for the consumption of them, Luna and I both declined any and all attempts at securing an alliance," Celestia explained. "To ally with Odd Squad would be putting Equestria in danger, even if those working for it cannot cross into this world."
A sudden weight began crushing Twilight, as though someone had put an anvil on her back. The people she had freely communicated with would have seen her as nothing more than a food source before her ascension. They probably thought Starlight and Phillip were food sources. But at the same time, it didn't make much sense. Speaking with Captain O, Ook, and Ozzie, she didn't see any sort of hunger in their eyes. Perhaps they just weren't hungry, but that didn't explain why no other Odd Squad agents came rushing to what was so obviously prey that had obliviously walked right into their territory. Either way, this spelled bad news for a potential alliance, which was another reason why Twilight had come all the way to Canterlot.
"There are some notes in there about unicorn consumption of the past and present." she pointed out. "But for what it's worth, no one tried to make a move on Starlight or Phillip. Maybe it's just some agents that eat them and others don't."
Celestia looked up with an expression of thought. It only lasted for a second before it grew dark. "Even if that's so, Odd Squad still supports it."
Biting her lip, Twilight didn't have a good rebuttal.
"Oh." Celestia blinked as she read what was on the page. "They use parts of unicorns for medicinal properties?"
"Yes!" Twilight eagerly straightened, finding something that could give her a fighting chance. "Unicorn tears in particular have been used in countless cures for weird illnesses. Mane and tail hairs, too."
A soft sigh left Celestia. "This doesn't make sense. If they are so keen on using unicorn parts for medicine and having their wishes granted by unicorns, then why do they seek to hunt and kill them?" She glanced at Twilight. "Perhaps your logic about some agents eating unicorns and others not eating them at all also applies to that."
Twilight opened her maw to answer, but a loud whooshing sound from behind her cut her short. She turned around and noticed a rather sizeable purple portal, with a slender leg and hoof reaching out of it as if to grab something.
"C'mon...c'mon..."
The voice was childish, but it wasn't one that Twilight recognized. Instinctively, she backed up and placed a protective shield around her, keeping a wary eye on the portal as another hoof reached out. If she hadn't known any better, she'd have probably pinned the intruder as some kind of paranormal abomination. The head that poked out, though, cemented the equine as looking like Celestia and Luna, complete with the long horn.
"An alicorn...?" she murmured, her mouth hanging open as she saw more and more of the body slide out of the portal.
The lower half of the intruder's body popped out, and the tall alicorn stumbled about before rising on her hind legs. Twilight could see that her fur and wings were a dark purple with lighter spots, while her brown and sparkling mane and tail were tied up tightly in buns. Her cutie mark appeared to be a pair of green juice boxes with the straws in them, crossed together to make an X. And she was wearing the top half of a white suit with gray epaulets, a gray badge, and some sort of gray decagonal shape. But the most striking thing about her was that she was as tall as Celestia.
The intruder flopped onto her back with a groan. "Right. Horse. Can't walk on two legs anymore." With great effort, she flipped onto her belly and attempted to get up. "Wouldn't be the first time..."
Twilight sneaked a glance at Celestia, who had put the binders off to the side and looked just as surprised as she was.
"Okay, I think I got it." The intruder turned around.
And before she could get a word in, Twilight interrupted. "Who are you?"
The intruder regarded Twilight with a look of confusion. "I would think the suit and the badge would be tip-offs for you, Twilight Sparkle." She quickly bowed in a rather awkward manner. "Sorry. Princess Twilight Sparkle."
"Uh, th-there's no need for that. Just tell me your name."
"I am the currently-serving Big O of Odd Squad. Also known as Oprah." The other alicorn straightened. "A pleasure to meet you." She glanced at Celestia with a contemplative expression. "You...look familiar. But the name..."
"Princess Celestia. It's a pleasure to meet you, Oprah."
"Ah, yes. Princess Celestia. Likewise." Oprah tapped her head. "And sorry. It's been a while since I've had a crash course in Equestrian history from Agent Olympia. She would know a lot about this world." She glanced behind her, at the portal that was no longer there, and paused. "Should've brought her along with me."
Twilight was so focused on Oprah that she too hadn't noticed the missing portal. The matter of getting Oprah back to her world, though, was water under the bridge for the time being, and so she moved on. "Why did you come here?"
"Captain O from Cambridge informed me that you had come to her Headquarters and spoken with her about a unicorn she has. Phillip, who is an Equestrian resident. Olympia has told me about past attempts to ally with Equestria that have not gone well. According to you, Princess -- " Oprah looked at Celestia -- "it's because we slaughter and eat unicorns, correct?"
Celestia's eyes slightly narrowed. "Yes. Have you come to reconsider your stance?"
Oprah sat down with a sigh. "The truth is, Odd Squad, as a whole organization, considers unicorns to be a threat. They've been known to engage in acts of villainy, and so we came up with tactics to interrogate them that have since been incorporated into Odd Squad Academy classes. How agents think of them can vary between leaning the way of the organization or leaning the opposite way. I can't control that, obviously. But if it's any assurance, while I will always disapprove of unicorns who have become villains, I am in good contact with the king of Cloud Town, where many unicorns reside." She gave a small smile. "I would certainly like to pose an alliance with you and your world, if you'll let me."
"Country," Twilight corrected. "Equestria is a country."
"Right. Sorry. An alliance with you and your country." Oprah looked around. "Is your world leader here?"
"Different parts of Equus have different rulers. Unlike in your world, there is no one supreme ruler."
A disappointed look settled on Oprah's face. "I see. In that case, I guess I can start here."
By all accounts, it looked like Oprah was telling the truth, but it seemed like Celestia thought in black and white. Either Odd Squad despised unicorns or tolerated them, and there was no gray area. Twilight knew that wasn't the case, though, because much like Equestrians, Oprah's agents had the right to free will. Celestia most likely wanted Oprah to declare that her agents could no longer hurt unicorns, but that would lead to a chain of events that Twilight didn't see ending positively. Still, she didn't have much say in the matter of what Celestia wanted, and so all she could do was help guide things forward.
"If I may." She stepped forward and turned her head around. "Celestia, what would make you agree to this alliance?"
Celestia closed her eyes for a moment before opening them and pulling out one of the binders, flipping to a certain page in particular. "Going by your notes, Twilight, it seems that unicorns have a long and rather fabled history with Odd Squad, though their hostility with them started with one named Aurora, a villain who harmed one of their own agents in battle while on the run from an odd crime." She closed the binder and set it down. "Though it certainly explains why Odd Squad is upset with them, it doesn't explain why they have resorted to eating them."
"It's only a small majority," Oprah assured. "The measures we have in place to punish unicorn villains does not involve eating them or killing them."
"Then perhaps you would be keen on stomping out that small majority." Celestia's eyes slightly narrowed. "If you are willing to do that, then we may move forward with seeking an alliance."
"Yes, of course. I'll work with my assistants on the matter as soon as I get back. You have my word."
"And I shall hold you to it as a sign of my trust in you." Celestia's posture and expression relaxed significantly. "Outside of the unicorn problem, I don't see anything in your organization's history that would create conflict with Equestria. Unless Twilight has something to add?"
Twilight shook her head. "Nope. I'm in favor of an alliance with Odd Squad."
"As am I." Celestia got up from her throne and made her way down the stairs, but moved past Oprah towards the doors. "Please excuse me while I get my sister from her sleeping quarters."
Oprah turned and watched her go. "Is that necessary?"
"It's for verification purposes." Twilight explained. "It always helps to have another witness. And besides that, they're co-rulers, so they have to consult with each other on these matters."
"Ah." Oprah's brows furrowed in confusion. "I guess that makes sense, though I don't understand why a country needs two rulers."
Realizing she would have to bore Oprah with the history of Celestia and Luna, Twilight sighed and decided to leave her guest from another dimension with the shortest possible explanation. "Celestia and Luna are sisters. They were born alicorns, and were eventually deemed the Princesses of the Sun and the Moon as well as the rulers of a newly-founded Equestria."
Oprah didn't say anything. All she did was stand there and lean slightly forward, as though waiting for Twilight to elaborate. There was a certain look in her eyes that made Twilight wither slightly, a look of authority that neither Celestia nor Luna had. And if she looked, she could swear that somehow, the eyes had wrinkles. Too many wrinkles.
Her ears flopped downwards. "You want the whole story, don't you?"
With a satisfied look, "If you don't mind."
It had taken longer for Celestia to retrieve Luna than expected. When the younger alicorn staggered into the room behind her more pristine-looking sister, she looked disheveled, from the eyebags all the way down to her messy mane. Her eyes narrowed when she saw Oprah.
"You did not tell me there was another alicorn in Equestria, sister, let alone one who dresses in attire fit for the militia. Is this the new army leader we were discussing some time ago?"
"I'm not military," Oprah quickly said. "I'm from another dimension. I lead Odd Squad, an organization of kids who investigate-"
"Anything strange, unusual, and especially odd, yes. I have heard the same spiel from your predecessors many times over."
Oprah raised her hoof and opened her mouth, then closed it. "'No, now that I think about it, 'predecessors' seems more of a fitting word." Again she bowed about the best she could in her new form, which looked just as awkward as her first attempt. "You're Princess Luna, correct?"
"Indeed." Luna unceremoniously stretched out each of her back legs in turn, wincing when the inevitable muscle cramp threatened to make her wingbound. Twilight knew that feeling well. "And you must be Oprah, the currently-reigning monarch."
"Okay, 'monarch' is definitely not the right word. We don't run a diarchy. Or a solo-archy." Oprah stopped for a moment, then she let her head droop with a groan. "I hate words."
Luna, looking more and more energized with each passing second, showed no change in reaction. "So are we to assume that you run 'Odd Squad' on your own?"
Oprah lifted her head up. "Yes. It's just me and my assistants."
"I see." Twilight noticed the glint in Luna's eyes that spoke of how pitiful Oprah was, but if the guest happened to notice, she didn't show any signs of upset. "My sister tells me you wish to seek out an alliance with Equestria."
"Ah- please." Oprah bashfully grinned. "I don't need the details. Those two-hundred-and-fifty meetings won't progress very far if I'm not there to keep things organized."
Twilight's eyes widened to such a point that they nearly fell out of her skull. "Two hundred...I'm sorry, how many?"
"Two hundred and fifty."
Luna snorted. "Another reason why it would be wise to consider a diarchy."
"I can get it all done," Oprah snapped indignantly, like that of an oppositional child. "Now can we move on to the handshake...hoofshake...thing and find a way to get me out of here? I don't know that I like being a horse. No offense."
A chorus of voices echoed, in completely deadpan tones, "None taken."
Luna moved past Oprah and Twilight on their way to her throne, while Celestia stopped in front of Oprah and telekinetically passed along her binders to Luna for her to skim through.
"Oprah. Under the guiding light of the Sun and Moon, we hereby declare an alliance with Odd Squad. Do you accept?"
"I do."
"Then it shall be so." Celestia stuck her hoof out. "I shall have my scribes make note of this for the record. In the meantime, if you may shake my hoof."
Twilight had expected the logistics behind the alliance to be a little more complex than that. Then again, she hadn't born witness to Equestria striking up an alliance with a leader in another dimension before, so perhaps they had different procedures. She made a mental note to study up on that when she got back to Ponyville, watching as Celestia and Oprah shook hooves.
"As for your departure, I believe my sister and I can arrange that for you."
As if on cue, Luna's startled whinny echoed throughout the room. She looked up from the binder she was reading. "This...she ...and her kind eat unicorns?"
"Luna, we discussed this at length. I am not sure why you are so surprised."
"Well, I...I did not believe you! No one would dare to eat a unicorn! But these...humans..." Luna devolved into incomprehensible stammering as she flipped to the next page, then suddenly stared at Twilight. "Twilight Sparkle! Please, tell me this is nothing more than your writings of blasphemy!"
Twilight slightly tilted her head. "It's not blasphemous. My friends and I did some research, and that's what we found. Everything written in those binders is true."
Gently, Luna set the binder to the side and held a hoof to her head. "Goodness...eating unicorns...who would do such an awful thing?"
"Celestia and I struck a deal," Oprah offered. "I'll give the orders for my agents to stop eating unicorns as soon as I get back. Once things are steady there, I'll move on to having the Odd Squad Doctors seek out alternative cures for odd illnesses that don't involve unicorn parts." She turned to look at Celestia, who was raising an eyebrow. "A bit of an addendum I thought up on the fly. If you don't mind."
"Certainly not." Celestia nodded. "Luna, please, calm down. There is nothing to fear. Oprah is not a threat."
A mighty snort was her response. "I shall take your word for it, sister. But mark my words, Oprah." The mare slowly rose and began her descent to the floor. "If we find that you have broken the terms and conditions of our alliance, then I shall be the one to enact swift punishment upon you."
Oprah didn't answer at first, but nodded only seconds later. "All right."
As Celestia and Luna stood across from each other, their horns lit up in a brilliant array of yellow and blue. They bowed their heads downwards and let their horns touch, which resulted in the two colors mixing together to create a small ball of magic that was slightly bigger than Twilight's own hoof. It shot towards the doors, but stopped a couple feet from it and expanded so that it showed a portal slathered in purple.
Twilight noticed Oprah watching the feat with mild awe. She supposed Odd Squad had similar powerful magic in their world, and it made her curious as to Oprah's power levels in the world of Equestria. She made a mental note to study that when she got back, too.
"It was nice meeting you all. Oh, and about Phillip." Oprah bowed her head. "Please continue to allow him to travel in between worlds. He's a wonderful asset to Odd Squad, and I have a feeling he could become just as much of an asset in Equestria if you let him."
Celestia and Luna exchanged a look, and then a nod.
Oprah reared up on her hind legs and began to walk again, but stopped short when she flopped on her stomach. "And the next time I visit...I'll be more educated on horses. This is why...ugh...I was never a horse girl."
For her part, Twilight trotted forward and offered a hoof. "Here, let me help you. Try to walk on four legs instead of two. I learned that the hard way from my adventures in another world with humans."
"Thanks." Oprah accepted the help, gripping Twilight's hoof and slowly rising to her four hooves once more. The pair remained holding hooves, with the latter guiding the former to the portal step by shaky step. When they got there, Oprah swiveled her head around and let her hoof flop around in what Twilight had to assume was a wave, wished the three other alicorns good luck, and hopped on through, the portal closing behind her.
The room was silent for the better part of a minute, until Celestia broke it. "Well, then. That was quite something."
"Indeed." Luna trudged towards the doors. "I must spend the three hours I have left wisely. Not by ruminating over what has just transpired, but by getting some more sleep."
"Thank you for the help!"
All Celestia got in response was a small grumble as Luna left.
Twilight heaved a sigh. "I'm glad things went well," she said. "Thank you for seeing me on such short notice, Celestia. It's nice that we have an alliance with someone from another dimension."
"You are most welcome." Celestia made her way towards her throne. "I shall be keeping your notes in the Archives for future reference. Please let me know of any new developments with Odd Squad or with Oprah."
"Will do!"
As Twilight eventually boarded the first train back to Ponyville, she felt a sense of satisfaction. In a way, it was sort of like she opened up an inverse Maredora's Box -- where at first she was appalled at Phillip's origins and his connections to Rainbow Dash, now she was at peace with it, at least for the most part. Much research on Odd Squad still had to be done, and Twilight was committed to studying it as much as she possibly could. Maybe one of these days, Odd Squad could help defend Equestria against a particularly nasty foe that her and the other Elements of Harmony were struggling with. It was an interesting scenario to think about, and as she laid down on her seat, she replayed it over and over in her head.
When she got back to Equestria, she relayed the good news to Starlight, Rainbow and Phillip, who were elated. Phillip especially so, since it provided a sense of relief for him. Though she could never unsee his horse form on Earth, Twilight made a conscious effort to plan a lunch date with him in order to get to know him better, and apologized for any suspicion she had expressed towards him.
The only remaining issue was that something was bugging her, something that needed to be addressed in terms of the alliance. But for the life of her, she couldn't figure out what it was, and just chalked it up to a bout of anxiety and negativity as she went along the rest of her day.
Oprah wasn't exactly the most graceful agent, but she was certainly no klutz. Still, flying out of the portal and landing on her hands and feet, in the same position a child would make when skedaddling down a flight of stairs, was not how she wanted to re-enter her native world.
"Big O?"
She knew that voice. It was young, it was innocent, and it was that of her topmost assistant. Looking at her, on the floor, in an awkward position that was starting to make her spine hurt.
"Are you okay? Where did you go?"
Oprah's cheeks flushed a bright red, and she jerked her head away.
"You don't have to be embarrassed!" The assistant held out her hand. "Lemme help you up!"
Something in Oprah compelled her to take up the offer quickly, and she gripped the hand and rose to her feet. Her hands waved wildly behind her as she struggled to find a sense of balance, until finally, after a minute, her feet were planted on the floor, her legs shaking. "I'm..." She grunted. "I'm sorry, Orpita. I just came back from another world and the switch from walking on four legs to walking on two is not one I'm used to yet."
"Ha, been there, done that." Orpita grabbed Oprah's arm and slung it over her shoulder. "C'mon. Where do you wanna go?"
"Right now? Take me to my office. I need to make an announcement."
"An announcement? What about?"
"I'm holding a meeting to discuss Odd Squad's consumption and usage of unicorns. Per the terms of our new alliance with Equestria, it's going to be against the rules. Any agent caught eating a unicorn or using it for nefarious purposes, including any medical purposes, will be punished accordingly."
Orpita faltered, and Oprah felt it as she jerked slightly forward.
"Hey, watch it!"
"Sorry."
The pair walked in silence for a few minutes, until they got to Oprah's office. Oprah sat in her chair, while Orpita moved to make sure the automatic doors closed appropriately.
"I'll be going to a meeting with the mole people in about five minutes. In the meantime, write down key points for my speech, will you?"
"I, uh...oh. Yeah, sure, I can do that."
"Thanks." Oprah pushed her way to the back to grab a juice box. Power-flavored, of course, though she didn't need power for what she was about to do next.
"Oh, Orpita?'
The little girl turned.
"Don't think you're exempt from the rules. Either clear out your stash in Room 3, or I'm getting agents to clean it out for you."
The wail of despair wound its way through the hallways of the building and shook the heavens above, but it didn't deter Oprah any, who had seen many a tantrum and thrown many more in her very younger days. She sipped her juice box and watched Orpita go at it, pounding the floor and whining and sobbing and begging her boss not to rat her out to her parents.
It's ironic, really. You'd think a little girl her age would love unicorns.
But Oprah knew there was a fine line between wanting to ride them, and wanting to eat them.
If Orpita wanted a shot at turning Odd Squad into a duumvirate-ruled organization one of these days, that was a hard truth she would just have to face.
Author's Note
Credit for the inspiration behind Oprah's alicorn design goes to ravioliet. This isn't the same Oprah as in their AU, but the WIP design was too cool-looking to pass up. (I at least tried to make it distinct while also adding my own spin to it. It is, after all, a WIP design.)
Making this into the 10th anniversary fic wasn't at all what I had in mind, but IRL has been hectic more than usual this month and so I never got a chance to even start on the project I wanted to do. With that in mind, though: happy 10th to the show that completely defined, and continues to define, my Internet legacy. May it live on forevermore, in spite of the perils of the television industry.
