The Trials and Tribulations of Phoenix Flight
No pony should have taken their cases.
This small group of five ponies has done the impossible: reuniting the three pony tribes and returning magic to Equestria. They have also done the impossible by breaking so many laws across the land in a few days that all three major pony civilizations were pressing charges and were practically in a three-way tug-of-war to keep them in their territory's prison. Or at least that's what Phoenix Flight, a respected defense attorney in Zephyr Heights, thought as he read over these case files.
The crimes in question were multiple accounts of trespassing, violating dozens of border laws too various to list at one time, resisting arrest, obstruction of justice, harboring a criminal in their home, officer abandoning post in a time of crisis, officer abusing authority outside of their jurisdiction, grand theft, escaping incarceration, conspiracy, fraud, treason, public disturbance, use of illegal language (he didn't think that was a thing until now), illegal gambling, underage gambling, regular theft, destruction of property, and somehow managed to add obstructing traffic to the list.
Any other lawyer would have tossed out the cases and told them that they were screwed, but it was thanks to them that he was finally able to live his dream of flying freely through the air. And although they were willing to accept the consequences of their actions, they seemed to be good ponies when he met them. He promised always to make sure that everyone got the justice they deserved. Besides, he was hired by the queen, and under their constitution, he was legally required to represent them now. Maybe he could get the charges dropped if he found loopholes of some kind...
"The shift in public opinion towards pegasi and earth ponies now is irrelevant," said the prosecutor in Bridlewood court. He was a short middle-aged gray unicorn with receding dark hair, glasses, and a squeaky voice. "Bridlewood has had these border security laws for decades, and they must be punished under the law."
"Mr. Paine makes a good argument," said Phoenix Flight as he adjusted the red tie that complimented the rest of his blue suit. "But were these border laws broken, or were they all simple trespassing laws?"
"Your Honor, the law clearly states that earth ponies and unicorns were not permitted within our territory and those who dare sneak past our security would face immediate incarceration," Paine smugly argued, pushing his glasses up with his hoof.
"Mr. Paine," Mr. Flight said with a strangely unnerving calm that demanded the courtroom's attention. He looked directly into the prosecutor's eyes, pushing the feeble unicorn back with his gaze. "What security?"
All the unicorns in the courtroom, even Izzy Moonbow from the defendant's bench, gave a shocked gasp. True, they stopped sending ponies to patrol the edge of the forest since they came to believe that the longer anypony stayed in the woods, the more likely it was that they were going to piss off the enchanted forest or something in it and get their whole society jinxed. They eventually assumed that the curses themselves would keep the other tribes away.
Mr. Flight continued. "I've spent a good amount of time familiarising myself with the relevant laws of Bridlewood, and it's my understanding that your law requires ponies to guard the border to prevent this kind of thing from happening." The ace attorney pointed a determined hoof toward the prosecution. "The reason that these ponies got in is because the government failed to provide adequate security!" he exclaimed, making Mr. Paine flinch.
The gallery murmured in agreement, wondering how their officials had neglected to enforce the very laws they made. "Order! Order in the court!" the judge, a bald unicorn stallion with a full white beard, commanded with a bang of his gavel. Once the court calmed down, he stared down at the defense attorney. "Mr. Flight, the forest has protected us for generations. You may not understand since you're an outsider, but the ominous look of the trees on the outer rim of the forest has deterred other ponies and the signs around the main entrance make it clear that members of the other pony tribes weren't welcome here."
"I'm not questioning the effectiveness of the forest's protection. I am pointing out that the reason that it was possible was due to negligence on the part of law enforcement. They had a requirement to ensure border security, and they failed. While the forest and signs made trespassers less likely to want to enter, there was still nothing to stop them from entering at all."
"But the law still exists!" Paine argued.
"I'm not denying that, but the fact remains that the border laws only specify the penalties for getting past border security. And since there was no border security to get past, they were only guilty of trespassing."
The judge hummed to himself in deep thought and it took him a long time to respond. "The law is indeed only clear on punishing those who defy our security system, and therefore we can't punish those who get past a nonexistent resistance. The charge is hereby changed from illegal entry to serious misdemeanor trespassing. Mr. Flight, how do your clients plead?"
The five ponies on the defendant's bench huddled together and talked amongst themselves, but the earth pony mare eventually stuck her head out of the pile and gave their attorney a nod. "They would simply like to plead guilty, Your Honor," Phoenix answered.
"Even the unicorn?" the judge asked.
"Your Honor," Mr. Pane interjected. "I would like to remind you that Miss Isabella Moonbow is the reason they were in our city in the first place."
"Oh, that's right. I hereby sentence each of you to pay a $400 fine for your actions."
"$400!" Sunny suddenly exclaimed.
"It's better than a year in prison," their lawyer whispered to them. "We need to beat prison charges wherever we can."
Thankfully, the judge ignored Sunny's outburst and moved on to the next charges. "Now for the case of The Ponies of Bridlewood vs Sunny Starscout, who is charged with illegal gambling, underage gambling, and theft of the Unicorn Crystal. Given the close relationship between these three crimes, I would like to take care of all three charges simultaneously. Are there any objections?"
Mr. Paine just gave a smug grin. "The prosecution has no objections, Your Honor."
Mr. Flight did not share the unicorn's delight. "Actually, the defense would like to request the latter two charges be dropped."
"What?" the judge asked in surprise.
"Sunny Starscout is an adult, twenty-two-year-old mare. She's old enough to gamble in that establishment."
"Twenty-two?" the judge repeated, hearing this for the first time. "The defendant is twenty-two?"
"My apologies, Your Honor," Mr. Paine said. "Only ponies twenty-one or older are allowed to gamble in the Crystal Tea Room, and Mr. Blossomforth told me that she was only eighteen."
"Shouldn't the officers have gotten her age upon her arrest?" the judge asked, glaring down at the meek prosecutor, who only offered a gulp in response. After another deep breathing exercise, the judge looked toward a neutral area instead. "In light of this information, I believe we should drop the underage gambling charge, but you will still have to refute the theft charges."
It was Phoenix's turn to smirk. "For that, I would like to call Alphabittle Blossomforth to the stand."
Fortunately, Alphabittle was already prepared to be called as a witness, so it didn't take long for him to come to the stand and be sworn in.
"Mr. Blossomforth," Phoenix started.
"Call me Alphabittle," he said, casually interrupting the lawyer.
The pegasus's eye twitched, but he otherwise ignored it. "Mr. Blossomforth, please relay your story to the court."
"Oh, I was born on a brisk autumn's morning. My mother was in tremendous pain--"
"NO!" Phoenix Flight suddenly shouted. Maybe it would be better to be very literal with this witness. "I meant that you should tell the court about your little game with Miss Starscout."
"And only that, please," Mr. Paine added.
"Oh, right. Well, first I was dominating in some perfectly legitimate and authorized gambling at the Crystal Tea Room when this orange earth pony mare disguised as a unicorn sat down at the counter, acting all tough. She then wanted to play me for the unicorn crystal, a very valuable artifact that I won fair and square."
"Your Honor," Mr. Flight interrupted. "Permission to remind the witness that he doesn't need to emphasize so much and that he is not on trial."
"Sorry. Anyway, I didn't know what it was at the time, but I wouldn't have let her have it at the time if I did. I didn't know that she stole the pegasus crystal, so I felt it was appropriate to bet against one of my most valuable prizes. I challenged her to a dance-off where she had three chances to beat me. After that, her disguise fell through, so I demanded to get what was rightfully mine with the aid of my other patrons, but she instead swiped my crystal and ran off with the rest of her cheating friends."
"Cheating?" the defense attorney asked. "How did they cheat?"
"Four of them were earth ponies and pegasi posing as unicorns."
"How was that cheating? Was it required of them to be unicorns?"
"It was implied. Seen the signs at the forest's entrance?"
Phoenix cocked an eyebrow and closed more of the gap between them. "But was it required?"
Alphabittle shifted back in his seat and nervously rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, not technically. I never imagined that the other pony tribes would find us, so..."
"So there is no rule against it, and she was therefore allowed to participate."
"True, but she did cheat with help from her little friend over there," Alphabittle said with a hoof pointed to the defendant's bench.
"Let the record show that the witness pointed to Princess Pipp Petals of Zepher Heights," Mr. Paine added.
Phoenix looked in the direction he was pointing but was only made more confused. "How?" he asked. "Did she hide the princess under a trench coat so she could dance for her? Couldn't she have just participated herself?"
"No, dummy," Alphabittle said as if it were the dumbest thing he ever heard. "In the final round, she went against the rules and gave her advice."
"Oh, so she got in front of Sunny, and she showed her what moves to make."
Again, Alphabittle slumped back. "Well, no. She pretty much just told her to feel the rhythm."
Now the gap between the two stallions was as small as possible. "So she just told her the bare rules of the game so she could actually play?"
"Well, uh... yeah."
"And did she not win?"
"Well, she did. But..."
Phoenix slammed a hoof on the witness's bench. "So instead of honoring the deal she followed to the letter, you decided to retain her property and incite a group of other ponies to steal from her when she beat a game that seems to have been designed for her to fail?"
Alphabittle crossed his forelegs in resentment. "Haven't you ever heard the phrase 'the house always wins'?"
"Yes, but the player usually knows the rules of the game. From what I hear, I'm unsure if she knew the game before making the bet."
"No, I didn't!" Sunny exclaimed before immediately having her muzzle covered by Hitch's hoof.
"Order," the judge called out with a bang of his gavel. "The defendants will refrain from making any future outbursts."
Phoenix's eye twitched, but he otherwise ignored it. "Did she know the game before she made the bet?" he asked his witness.
Alphabittle crossed his forelegs again. "There might have been something about a puzzle cube at first, but all she had to do was ask."
"Are you sure? Because it seems like you were trying to take advantage of her and the situation before you backed out of the deal and tried to overpower and steal from her."
Alphabittle's eyes widened as it all sunk in. Maybe he wasn't as much of an innocent victim as he thought himself to be. "Okay, I might have been a sore loser. But losing those prizes when I was so close... And to an earth pony... With everything I was taught about them growing up, it felt like an insult."
Mr. Flight moved to give the unicorn some space, feeling that he made his point. "Mr. Blossomforth, do you concede that Miss Starscout won that bet fairly and thus won possession of the crystal?"
"Yeah."
"Do you still want to press charges for stealing what belonged to her? I don't think it will go well for you."
"No." Alphabittle then turned to the judge to speak to him directly. "Your Honor, I would like to formally drop the charges for theft."
The judge nodded. "Alright. This just leaves the matter of using an ancient artifact as a betting chip."
"Your Honor, if I may," Alphabittle interjected. "Given the circumstances, we should turn that case over to the courts of Zepher Heights. They have more of a stake in that than we do."
"That's a good point. Are there any objections to transferring the case?"
"The defense has no objections, Your Honor," Phoenix grinned.
Mr. Paine grunted as most of his case was swept away. "The prosecution has no objections that will hold, Your Honor."
The judge nodded. "Alright, all charges against Sunny Starscout due to the incident in the Crystal Tearoom are dismissed or will be handled by another court. Now onto the case of The Ponies of Bridlewood vs Hitch Trailblazer. These charges are also conjoined counts of disturbing the peace and using illegal language."
"And that's a real thing..." Phoenix muttered under his breath.
Mr. Paine regained his composure. "I would like to question the witness on that very subject, Your Honor." Once the judge nodded, the prosecutor walked up to the witness stand. "Alphabittle, could you please tell the court what words that the accused used?"
"First, he used the 'm' word," Alphabittle said nervously, making Phoenix's eyes widen in worry. "Then he said the 'w' word," he continued, causing the pegasus to put a hoof to his mouth in shock since this particular client didn't seem like the type to call anyone the only 'w' word he could think of and wondered if the elder princess said it instead.
Alphabittle continued. "That was immediately followed by the 'f' word." Phoenix found that one a little odd. While he could think of one 'f' word, pony culture usually uses a rhyming word that starts with a b.
"And then he finished with the worst 'm' word there is."
Now Phoenix was utterly baffled. He could only think of one 'm' word, which was implied to have already been used. He must have gotten his wires crossed at some point. "Hitch," the lawyer whispered to his male client. "What is he talking about?"
Hitch motioned for him to come closer and only repeated the words in question when his ear was close to his hoof-covered muzzle. "Magic, wing, feather, and mayonnaise."
Phoenix's ears drooped and his eyes widened as he took this information in."Is this real life right now?" he thought to himself, annoyed. "What the hay even is this law?"
"Do you think he used such forbidden language out of sheer ignorance?" Mr. Paine asked.
The witness shook his head. "No, sir. He did it intentionally in rapid-fire succession and as loud as possible."
"No further questions." And with a smirk, he went back to his seat. "Your witness."
Phoenix had to pace a bit and accept this new fact of Unicorn culture he learned. But he eventually turned to the witness once more. "Mr. Blossomforth, why are these words forbidden?"
"They're jinxy," Alphabittle said as if it was enough explanation.
It wasn't enough for Phoenix. "Could you please elaborate?" he asked with a deflated expression.
"Well, those words could bring bad luck to anypony who hears them. The only way we can reverse it is to perform a ritual to get rid of the jinxes immediately."
"Could you tell me about this ritual?"
"Objection, Your Honor," Mr. Paine interrupted. "If we have to derail proceedings every minute so this pegasus can catch up on all our customs, we'll be here all day without getting anywhere."
Phoenix turned to the judge. "Your Honor, the question is directly relevant to the subject at hoof. This is the first that I've heard about these rituals, and it strikes me as important to the case."
The judge nodded. "I will allow this. But do not press further unless you're sure it will benefit your case."
Upon receiving permission to continue, Alphabittle answered. "I can tell you the basics of it if you need to know, but we mainly make certain noises and faces as we move our hooves and bodies in a particular way. And if we want to hold off any jinxes, we can't stop until we're done."
This made the pegasus grow a grin that made the large unicorn nervous again. "I only have one more question. When did my client shout these horrible words?"
Alphabittle sank back in his chair again. "It was when we were ganging up on them to get both crystals," he said sheepishly.
Phoenix turned his attention to the judge. "Your Honor, I think that it's clear that my client only used these forbidden words as an effective, non-violent, and necessary defense. I demand this charge to be dropped on the grounds of self-defense."
"Your honor, I object!" Mr. Paine exclaimed. "It wasn't non-violent at all! Knowingly putting a curse on some pony's head is far worse than physical violence! We may need to add attempted murder to the charges!"
"I disagree," Phoenix said dismissively. "Hitch Trailblazer and all his peers in Maretime Bay use these all words rather frequently. As far as I know, they haven't had any curses fall on them. And after magic has returned and public opinion of the pegasi has shifted, can anyone say that those words are really cursed?"
"What about mayonnaise?!" someone shouted from the gallery.
"Bing-bong," said another pony.
"Don't put it on your sandwiches," Phoenix sighed.
Mr. Paine slammed a hoof on his desk. "He still intentionally caused mass panic. He must be punished."
"Agreed," the judge said, sternly. "But I agree that he did it in self-defense so that the punishment will be minimal. Mr. Trailblazer, I sentence you to pay a $100 fine for each forbidden word you've used."
"Aw, shit," Hitch said to himself, realizing too late that he was loud enough to be heard by the whole court and immediately put a hoof to his mouth.
This made the attorney immediately turn to face him. "I know that it doesn't seem too fair that you have to pay to defend yourself, but we can still appeal if you want." With that, he turned his attention back to the judge. "Sorry about that, Your Honor. Do we have any other business to discuss?"
It took Phoenix a second to realize that the room had gone silent, and another second to get a good look at the wide-eyed expressions on everyone's faces. He still looked at the judge's bench as he hoped that he would be the one to break the silence. "Bing," was what came out of the judge's mouth.
"Bong," said the prosecutor.
"Bing-bong," Izzy said as she got up from her seat.
And before Phoenix could understand what was going on, every single unicorn in the room began their mysterious ritual, refusing to stop until it was finished. "This is real life..." Phoenix thought to himself. "This is happening right now."
"I didn't know that was a jinx word!" Hitch exclaimed in panic.
Princess Zipp just crossed her forelegs and tsked at him. "I guess that's why they're called curse words."
During the commotion, Phoenix took the chance to look over the case files again to prepare for any other arguments in this courtroom, but the only thing he could find was a report for the damage done to the sign outside the Crystal Tea Room, but that was stapled to an insurance investigator's report that showed that the sign was old and was threatening to fall for weeks before the incident. "That was easy," Phoenix thought. "Maybe the other courts will be just as forgiving."
"Princess Zephyrina Storm has been accused of treason!" the grey pegasus prosecutor wearing a magenta coat and a cravat exclaimed in his opening statement.
"Why didn't we take care of this trial first?" Phoenix asked himself while the whole gallery murmured.
Given the heavy nature of this trial and the pony who was accused, Phoenix wasn't surprised that the chief prosecutor himself led the prosecution. Through his years as an attorney, he had gotten to know Mr. Edgeworth rather well, and the fact that he was taking the case put him at ease as much as it put him on edge. While it was true that the stallion was a fair pony who breathed law and order, he would always come to work extremely prepared for any trial he took on and would make Phoenix fight tooth and nail whenever they were to face each other in court. Fortunately, he was ready for him this time.
Mr. Edgeworth held the case file in his hooves and read the highest charges listed in it. "She conspired against our ruling monarch, Queen Haven. She willingly conspired with convicted criminals to steal the royal crown, an important, priceless, and irreplaceable Pegasus artifact right off of the Queen's head during Princess Philamina Petals's show. In doing so, she also caused mass panic and hysteria."
The judge, who Phoenix was surprised to find looked exactly like the unicorn judge if he were a pegasus, nodded as he followed along. "Serious charges, indeed. Mr. Flight, how does the princess-- Er-- your client plead?"
"To the charges of treason and conspiring with criminals, not guilty."
"On what grounds, Flight?" the prosecutor asked as he gave his courtroom opponent an indifferent stare past his long, dark bangs that evenly flowed down both sides of his face to rest at the same level as his eyes.
"First, I would like to address the fact that the 'convicted criminals' in question were wrongly arrested. Sunny Starscout and Izzy Moonbow were minding their own business in unclaimed territory, with no clue how to reach Zephyr Heights, when the patrolling guards, who were supposed to deter them from the city, instead unjustly arrested them without cause, brought them inside the city, and to the Queen's throne room where they were charged and found guilty of the trespassing crimes they were forced to commit. They were arrested and imprisoned without trial or due process, an infraction of their civil liberties that could have given the other tribes cause to declare war. The princess freeing them was to correct an injustice."
The courtroom, which was once ready to erupt with public riot, was now quiet enough to hear the drop of a pin as everyone realized what the queen and her forces had truly done. All except the prosecutor, who seemed like he was waiting for Phoenix to bring that up. "Mr. Flight, the guards did have cause to arrest them. They were under suspicion of being spies."
"But did they not officially charge them for that crime without sufficient evidence? Were they not sentenced to life in prison without a trial?"
Mr. Edgeworth nodded. "That is indeed a grave miscarriage of justice. Your Honor, I must insist that all border and trespassing violations against Miss Starscout and Miss Moonbow be dismissed and the two of them receive an official apology on behalf of the crown."
The judge nodded. "If the defense and prosecution agree so strongly about this, I am willing to issue a full pardon, but the apology will have to come from Queen Haven herself."
This is what Phoenix liked about Edgeworth. He was always fair, studied every detail under a microscope, and always looked out for the ponies who needed his help. Even if he was due to prosecute them.
"But this does not change the fact that Princess Zephyrina conspired with foreign ponies, who had reason to resent the Queen, to commit her treasonous acts. Not to mention that all three of them stole the priceless crown of Zephyr Heights, adding grand theft to the charge. Not to mention that we are now at liberty to charge Miss Starscout for using it as a betting chip."
He was still a prick, though.
The judge glared down at the defense's bench. "How do your clients plead to this, Mr. Flight?"
Phoenix gulped. "It's true that I can't make much of a case gambling or grand theft, but it wasn't really treason. She asked her mother to help investigate the disappearance of magic many times, but Queen Haven always refused because she saw no need to do so. When they stole the pegasus crystal, it was for the sole purpose of returning our natural power of flight. Therefore, this was not an act of treason, but one of patriotism."
Zipp leaned over to whisper in her attorney's ear.
"For the last time, Princess, your sister's my client too," Phoenix said as his anger rose at the thought of her wanting him to mention that Pipp was the one who got away with grand theft.
Pipp gave her sister a shocked and appalled look that clearly said 'What the hay, sis?'.
Zipp just shrugged, thinking shifting the blame was worth a try.
"She still conspired against our crowned leader," Edgeworth argued. "While her motives will play into determining the harshness of her punishment, the fact remains that she must face the consequences of her actions."
Phoenix broke out into a cold sweat as the judge mulled this over. He was trying to think of any last-minute ideas to get out of this mess when the large courtroom doors burst open and the gallery gasped. Phoenix turned his head towards the commotion, and found that a letter was being carried across the room in the mouth of, by royal decree, 'the cutest widdle puppy-wuppy ever to wive'. Cloudpuff arrived at the judge's bench and happily barked once the pegasus took the letter from his teeth.
Opening the envelope with the royal seal, the judge read the message aloud. "To the presiding judge that I didn't bother to learn the name of. Now that I have been reinstated into power, I hereby claim all responsibility for any charges of fraud my daughters are accused of. They each asked me on multiple occasions to stop lying to the ponies of Zephyr Heights, but I forced them to keep up the act like my mother used to force me. And as an apology for the false imprisonment of Sun-something and Moon-whatsit, I promise to learn all your names later, and as a token of the kingdom's gratitude, I hereby wave all charges of treason, grand theft, and even gambling under the "greater good" clause in our charter."
Phoenix couldn't believe what he was hearing. They were all miraculously saved by the Queen, and it sounded like all his clients would get a slap on the wrist, if anything, in this court. Then again, she was freed from prison after demanding to be let go, and the guards feared her enough to obey regardless of the law. That made Edgeworth mad.
The judge continued reading. "I would also like to request the charges against the handsome cop pony to be moved to Maretime Bay, as his offenses are directly linked to his disciplinary hearing. But on the grounds of dangerously obstructing traffic, I have decided to request Princess Zephyrina be placed into my custody where I promise she will receive a proper and creative punishment."
Remembering times when her mother turned off the hot water while she was in the shower, the times she made her recite the entirety of the constitution of Zephyr Heights and the time she moved everything in her room two inches to the left, Zipp audibly gulped. "Your Honor, I would like to jail now, please."
"No getting out of it." The judge continued reading, causing Zipp to pout. "As for Pipp, I'm afraid I have no choice but to let her spend the night in jail. I have tried to think of equally appropriate punishment, but I couldn't come up with anything. Especially since the punishment I chose for Zephyrina is something Pipp would find fun."
"Mercy, Your Honor!" Zipp pleaded, but it fell on deaf ears.
Pipp, who was too stunned to say anything at first, finally found her voice. "This is beyond bogus!"
"She may think it's 'beyond bogus', but she must know that I'm doing this because I love her. And they almost got a guy killed. I'll see you soon, girls. XOXO. Sincerely, the queen of Zephyr Heights."
"Almost hospitalized him, Mom, and he said he was OK," Pipp grumbled, although her lawyer informed her that it didn't help their case.
Her mumbling was interrupted by Izzy, who seemed confused. "Did I miss something?" she asked. "When did you two obstruct traffic?"
"How else do you think we were able to give my mom the slip so we could meet up with you in Maretime Bay?"
Phoenix was nervous again. Not because he didn't have faith in his clients or his case, but because this was the first trial he had in front of a jury. Zephyr Heights usually relied on a judge to declare the verdict to prevent emotion from interfering, and Bridlewood only offered a trial by jury if the defendant requested one. But Maretime Bay only had trials by jury unless special circumstances demanded otherwise. He was surprised that this didn't warrant special circumstances since it was hard to find an impartial jury when you've pissed off the whole town. But they were able to get a group of ponies from New Trot City a few miles away to participate. He shuttered to think about how things could have played out if Izzy had gone to the most populated earth pony city instead of a relatively small town like Maretime Bay.
New Trot City also sent a judge who, to Phoenix's amazement, looked just like the previous two if either was an earth pony. But he couldn't think about it right now. He just had to focus on defending Sunny and Izzy.
He couldn't represent Hitch during his disciplinary hearing as it was a closed-door event. But he heard that he was shown leniency because he did leave his deputy in charge while he pursued ponies who were wanted by the town, so he didn't necessarily leave the town unguarded and he was trying to end the crisis that riled everyone up. But he was reprimanded for abusing his authority outside of his jurisdiction and he was suspended since it could have caused more international incidents. He would be back on duty soon, though. They pulled the previous sheriff out of retirement to cover for him, but the town seemed to be rather short on officers. It was rather scary now that he thought about it.
"The prosecution and defense may begin their closing statement," the judge said, snapping Phoenix out of his thoughts.
The caramel-colored earth pony prosecutor had a white mane, a slight hint of a black beard, a green suit, and a weird visor with three red lenses across the entirety. He took a long sip from his coffee cup before he began his argument with the mug still in his hoof. "Miss Moonbow violated our policies on outsiders infiltrating our town. Once she was properly detained, Miss Starscout released her from her containment and fled with her before harboring her in her home as they both resisted arrest. It's as simple as that." He returned to his coffee, gulping it down this time.
Phoenix nervously adjusted his tie. "Ladies and gentle colts of the jury, did Izzy Moonbow really break--"
"OBJECTION!" Prosecutor Godot shouted as he threw his empty coffee mug that Phoenix barely ducked in time. "Don't think I hadn't heard what you pulled back in Bridlewood, Mr. Trite. But that won't work here. I took extra precautions and ensured that the letter of the law specifically stated that Unicorns and Pegasi were not welcome in this town and that any intruders and accomplices would be severely punished. Plain. And. Simple."
Phoenix knew he couldn't win by using his usual tactics. There were no angles, there were no hidden truths, and there were no loopholes. A turnabout wasn't going to save him now. Not when the letter of the law was clear. But maybe the damning force could be the thing that saved them. That, and an open-minded jury.
"Ladies and gentle cults, I want you to understand all the facts of this story and who you are judging. Take a good look at the unicorn. Take a good, long, and hard look at Izzy Moonbow."
The jury turned their heads to see the defendant in question, and Izzy slowly stuck out the tip of her tongue as she stared back. To many, it was just a goofy gesture, but to a pony who's been in the courtroom as long as Phoenix, it was recognized as a nervous twitch.
"All she did was walk into town upon receiving an invitation out of friendship and child-like innocence. She came here to make friends, and how was she treated? She was confined in a box that greatly restricted her movements, had adhesive goo flung at her, and was almost sentenced to life in prison. All because the ponies of Maretime Bay let misconceptions cloud their judgment instead of looking at the evidence or lack thereof. I ask you, is this how you would treat your neighbor? Your friend? Your family? What Sunny Starscout did was out of peace and hope that we can make a better future together. And it's working. Magic has been back for weeks now, and there haven't been any problems or threats of violence due to the other tribes regaining their magic powers. If you look out that window, you'll see a new community where all three tribes come together as friends and neighbors. Ponies of the jury, you have a choice. You can send these two to life in prison and wipe all this happiness away, or you can thank them for this happiness and show them mercy and forgiveness. Please, don't send them to an eternal punishment because of one pony's race or for extending a hoof in friendship."
Although their faces softened, none of the ponies on the jury looked at each other. They just stared blankly at the floor. The judge also looked somber, but he still demanded everyone's attention. "The jury may now deliberate on their verdict, and supposed punishment."
The jury got up and left to discuss the trial in private. Meanwhile, the judge went to get some water, Godot poured what Phoenix thought to be his seventeenth cup of coffee since the trial started, and Izzy held Sunny close as if it would be the last time she ever saw her. Phoenix kept his eyes locked firmly on the door to the deliberation room, hoping to read their expressions as they came out. When preparing for this case, he heard that a jury never looked at a pony they convict.
The judge returned just before the jury did, and while they made no effort to avoid eye contact, their facial expressions were hard to read. "Has the jury reached a verdict?" the judge asked, strictly professional.
"Yes, Your Honor," said juror number one, a short and stout grey earth pony stallion with a short white mane and glasses.
The judge waited patiently for their answer, but none came. "Would... the jury like to share their verdict?"
"Yes, we would, Your Honor."
More silence followed, and the judge's patience wore thin. "Would you mind sharing it now?"
"Well, uh... what was the question, again?"
"Allow me to answer, Your Honor," said juror number two, a yellow earth pony mare with a green, braided mane, before the judge's face could turn any more red. "We, the members of the jury, cannot in good conscience allow these two ponies to be sentenced to life in prison due to these circumstances."
The mares at the defense's bench cheered while their lawyer sighed in relief.
"Thank hoofness," the judge said, letting out a sigh himself. "That certainly allows me to adjust their punishment, but do you find them innocent, or guilty?"
"Guilty, easy," said juror two. "No one even denied that."
"I see," said the judge. "Given the circumstances, I'm going to show leniency for these charges, and only sentence you to a day in jail."
Sunny pouted. "Well, it almost worked out. It gives me a place to stay tonight, but the lighthouse still won't be fixed by then. Where am I going to sleep after that?"
Izzy suddenly gasped in excitement. "You can stay with me! We can have slumber parties, we can have a bunch of new experiences! Especially since I never slept with another mare before."
Sunny's face turned beat-red as she covered her face with her hooves. "Izzy, I'm going to give you a chance to think about that sentence, and rephrase it."
"Court adjourned," the judge declared as he banged hive gavel, ignoring the mare's conversation.
"That went about as well as expected," Godot said as Phoenix walked to the lobby alongside his clients. "Trite got lucky. Can't say the same about the poor bastard I'm prosecuting next."
As if on cue, Eddie Fender, a white pegasus with a thin beard, a bushy brown mane, a loose-fitting tie, and a fedora, led his client to the defense's bench. Although his client was an earth pony, the boy hired him since he seemed to be the only attorney in all of Equestria willing to take his case.
"You can get me acquitted for this, right?" Sprout asked, hopefully.
"Are you serious?" Mr. Fender asked with the faintest trace of laughter. "Your crimes include instigating a public riot, toppling the town's government and replacing it with your own empire, abusing your authority, declaring war without probable cause, drafting the citizens of Maretime Bay into your army without providing proper military training, creating a war machine that doesn't work at best and violates multiple international peace laws at worst, destruction of public property, destruction of private property, public endangerment, multiple parking violations, and littering. I'm using the fact that the ponies let you do all of this by signing the 'Official Sprout Act' to our advantage, but the best case scenario is you getting sentenced to lots of community service."
Spout paused at one of the charges. "International peace laws?"
"The tribes have been finding them in the backs of our oldest law records. Queen Haven found ours under her mattress. Also, I expect the lighthouse's owner to sue you for damages."
Sprout's head hit the table and he buried his face in his hooves with a groan.
*
"Freedom!" Izzy shouted as she walked into the lobby.
"We still have to go to prison," Sunny corrected.
This didn't shake Izzy's enthusiasm. "Freedom tomorrow!"
As their other three friends made their way to them, Sunny excitedly shook Phoenix's hoof with both of her own in gratitude. "Thank you, thank you so much."
"No problem," Phoenix said as he tried to delicately remove his hoof from Sunny's grasp as she was still shaking it. "Just doing my job."
Pipp flew up to him once he was free. "Seriously, you're a lifesaver."
"Lot of good that did me," Zipp huffed. "So. Much. Dancing."
Izzy tsked. "Zipp, when we signed up to save the world, we knew there would be consequences."
"I don't remember signing anything," Hitch objected.
As the group laughed, Phoenix's eyes looked to Sunny again, but her expression was different. She seemed glum, but Phoenix couldn't guess why. "I guess you have to go back home, now?"
"Yeah," Phoenix nodded. "I'm pretty busy back home."
"Well, goodbye, then. Maybe we'll see you around sometime?"
Before Phoenix could respond, Izzy wrapped a foreleg around Sunny's shoulder. "Of course, we'll see him again. I'll make sure of it. Even if we have to break the law again."
"What?" was all Phoenix could say before the others grew mischievous grins.
Pipp tapped a hoof to her chin. "That's not a bad idea. I'd love to actively help steal my mom's crown this time."
"Great," Zipp said as she clapped her hooves together. "I think I know where we went wrong last time, and we can work from there. Hitch, do you want in on this?"
The sheriff shook his head. "I won't risk my job for this. But I can arrest you if you bring it back to Maretime Bay. We could all meet in the detention center."
"Everypony!" Phoenix suddenly shouted to get their attention. "As your lawyer, I only have one thing to say to that..."
Pipp squealed. "Oh my hoofness, he's going to say it."
"I got goosebumps," Izzy said with glee.
"Oh, boy," Hitch said under his breath in anticipation.
Zipp could hardly contain herself either. "Come on..."
Sunny couldn't help but display a large smile. "Here it comes..."
Phoenix took a deep breath, gave his clients a steely gaze, and pointed an authoritative hoof at them. "OBJECTION!"
