Anon-A-Spark

by Baroque

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Equestria Girls, Sunset Shimmer, Main 7 (EqG), Profanity, Slice of Life, Alternate Universe, Human, My Little Pony Comic, Other, Original Character, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders
Length: 3532

What if Crucible Spark came to Equestria earlier and tried to handle Anon-A-Miss?

(A non-canon story set in an alternate timeline, where Twilight decided to tamper with the mirror portal just a bit earlier, and Crucible Spark ended up in Equestria close to Hearth's Warming.)

Being the Sunset Shimmer superfan and fanfiction connoisseur that he is, one of Spark's top priorities was to deal with Anon-A-Miss before anything gets out of hand and ended poorly for everybody and pony involved.

Unfortunately, his way of dealing with cartoony teen drama may have been a little too much for the standards of Mirror-Earth...

My first oneshot! A "what-if" story of how Spark would have dealt with AAM if he was already in Equestria at that time.

Cover art by tabithaqu

Published 2024-10-17 18:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2024-10-17 18:30:01 UTC

Ho ho ho-ly crap!

He couldn't believe it.

He seriously could not believe it.

It was happening. He could've prevented it from occurring in the first place, but he didn't. He was too entranced by the magical sights of Equestria that he completely forgot about the one and only thing that he had intended to nip right in the bud when he first arrived.

"Anon-A-Miss." the metalsmith spat, saying the username with enough venom in his voice and vitriol in his tone to put even the most vile of villains to shame.

Spark slammed the communication journal closed, trying to contain the overflowing wave fury taking him over. Wisps of red flames began to emanate from his branched horn, and his body temperature began to rise exponentially.

The kirin-human stomped the crystalline floor hard enough to cause small, web-like cracks to appear, which were promptly repaired by the castle's magic.

He whirled his head towards the portal with a glare that could incinerate the sun, if such a thing was even possible.

Accompanied by a rage-filled roar, a swirling pillar of blue-red flames enveloped his entire body, transforming into a form that, in the universe where his body came from, would have been used as a total last resort during times of war.

As the flames fused back into the transformed kirin, it revealed the monstrous visage of a creature whose sole existence was to destroy, annihilate, and utterly obliterate whatever stood in its way and whatever its main goal was.

Most of his body had been covered by a layer of thick, dark-colored, ornate armor, that consisted of overlapping plates. His peytral and shoes were decorated with magenta gems, and his head was adorned with a sharply-designed helm.

The furious nirik's form was also different from that of a typical nirik. He was overall bigger and bulkier. The fangs in his mouth had turned into large tusks that curled outwards, similar to his lower canines. His scales also appeared sharper, with each ending with a small protruding spine.

The eccentric former human and head metalsmith of the Sparking Smithy had decided to go on a vacation, so the Forge Lord of the Muspelheim Forges had to take over the wheel.

Spark swept the entire room with a fireproofing spell before writing a reply in the journal. He wrote it with such harshness that each scratch from the quill would have likely been transferred to the book's counterpart as well.

After instantaneously drying the ink, he jabbed the book in its slot and activated the portal.

As it rippled to life, the armored nirik breathed out a plume smoke through his nostrils before running through with a burst of flames, leaving the portal room alone, with a remaining scorch mark that, for some odd reason, couldn't be repaired by the castle.

Two teenagers stood near the base of a statue that depicted a rearing horse. They were quietly discussing about the recent events regarding a social media account that was supposedly ran by the 'former' school bully, Sunset Shimmer. As of currently, most, if not all of the students of Canterlot High believed that she had been posting embarrassing secrets online through a MyStable profile, in an attempt to put the entire school under her thumb once more.

"Kinda weird that she's being a whole lot more obvious about it, though." the boy of the two commented.

The girl nodded, "I know, right? Wasn't her whole thing back then was like, blackmailing people or something?"

"Yeah, it was. From what I've heard, she used to be suuuper sneaky with her plans and stuff. Maybe she's gotten rusty after all that time not scheming." he pondered.

She shrugged, "Beats me. I just want all of this to be over with. This whole 'Anon' thing's really messing with the holiday vibes."

The boy agreed with a silent nod.

Not a minute passed before the reflective base of the statue began sparkle with colorful light. The entire structure violently shook and shuddered as the lights became more flame-like, with wisps of red and blue.

The two students took a fearful but somewhat excited step back.

The boy turned to his friend, "You think this is how Twilight gets here?"

The girl gave him a smile, "I think so. Maybe she's here to sort everything out!"

The two patiently waited for the otherworldly princess to arrive, watching the portal as it continued to ripple with magical energy.

The boy started to tug on the collar of his jacket, "Phew, is it getting hotter here?"

The girl looked at him incredulously, "Dude, it's winter."

Just as he was about to reply, the portal practically exploded with blue-red flames. The two teenagers dove into the snowy ground to avoid the wave of fire that swept the statue's perimeter.

"Uh... I don't think that's ever happened before..." the girl muttered as she helped her friend get up.

The two looked back to the base of the statue, and almost immediately froze in shock when they saw the being who had came through.

It was a... horse? Well, it resembled one, but the proportions looked off. Almost like it came straight out of a cartoon. Not to mention all the other body parts that wouldn't have been on a horse in the first place.

To put it simply, it was a large, demonic horse-deer-lion-dragon-thing that, for some ungodly reason, also wore what looked to be a set of ornate fantasy armor.

The creature looked around frantically before it reared back and let out a reverberating roar with echoing hints of a neigh as it faded.

It then proceeded to gallop straight towards the front door of the school, leaving a trail of its own oddly-colored flames behind.

The two students looked at each other with shellshocked expressions.

"Nope." the two said in unison before going back to their respective homes.

Sunset looked at the latest reply on her journal with a confused and worried look on her face.

After another day of getting constantly blamed, she had decided to find some alone time in the library and send a message out to Princess Twilight, in hopes of getting some advice on how to deal with the chaotic mess caused by Anon-A-Miss.

What the unicorn-turned-human didn't expect, was getting a messily written and mysteriously ominous reply being sent back right as she finished writing down her own message.

Sunset slowly re-read the reply, "'The Forge Lord answers your call.'" she said aloud, "Huh? What the heck does that mean?"

She was just about to write down another reply when she heard the sounds of panicked yelling from the halls, followed by a loud and echoing whinny, along with the sound of what she recognized as metallic hoofwear hastily clopping against the floor.

Curious, Sunset made her way to the library's door and cracked it open to take a peek. Her eyes widened as she saw a group of students run past the door, shouting something about a 'demon horse'.

The former bully frowned, thinking that this was another attempt to make fun of her.

Just as she was about to close the door, the sound of cantering, no, galloping hooves came closer.

She took yet another peek back outside, and gasped in bewilderment.

Passing right by the door, clad in ornate segmented armor, was a creature whose visage had started to become rather familiar to her within the last few weeks.

"Spark?"

She saw Crucible Spark, in his Equestrian form, releasing a massive torrent of his species' signature nirik-flame towards a set of lockers. It was hot enough to partially melt them, leaving them warped as the metal glowed a soft blue.

The nirik let out another ear-piercing whinny-roar before galloping off farther into the school.

Sunset fully opened the doors to see where he was headed, but by the time she stepped into the hallway, all she could see was a glimpse of a burning tail.

"Spark! Come on! We're sorry, okay?! You don't need to-"

The former bully whipped around to see five of her... friends? She really didn't know right now.

The group halted as they locked eyes with her. Both parties went silent, neither knowing what to do or say. Though she did notice the sad and, perhaps, even regretful look on each of their faces.

Before any of the five girls had the chance to speak first, Sunset raised a hand.

"I take it this—" she gestured both hands towards the group, "—had something to do with that?" she asked while pointing a thumb over her shoulder.

Applejack stepped up, "Uh, yeah... y'see, Spark caught wind of this whole 'Anon-A-Miss' thing, and, well..."

"He decided to take the matter into his own ha-, er, hooves, and came over to, and I quote, 'Enlighten you harmony-forsaken heathens'." Rarity finished her sentence.

Rainbow Dash turned towards the warped lockers, "So now he's going on a rampage around CHS as his way to 'teach us a lesson'." she ended with air quotes.

"And he's also going after Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo!" Pinkie Pie loudly added.

Sunset's eyes widened, that was concerning, "Wha- why?"

"Th-they're Anon-A-Miss..." Fluttershy timidly admitted.

"They're what?!" the former unicorn facepalmed with both of her hands, "Oh my gosh..."

She looked back to the girls with a deadpan expression, "Really."

Rainbow looked at her guiltily, "Look, we're sorry. Really, really sorry!"

Applejack nodded, "We shoulda' talked to you first before jumpin' to conclusions like that."

Sunset pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes as she heaved a tired sigh.

She crossed her arms and looked back to the five girls, "Alright, after we get Spark to calm down, we'll all sit down and discuss things like mature, civilized, and normal people. Got it?"

She got five nods of confirmation.

"Okay, now, do any of you know where those three are?"

Twilight and Spike happily walked into the castle's main library, where they found Kevin, the forgeling praetorian, reading a book on insect biology.

"We're home, everypony!" The princess called out.

Kevin looked up from his book to see the two smiling at him.

"Oh, Princess, Spike, back from Canterlot?"

The dragon assistant nodded, "Yep! We had great time!"

The praetorian gave him a small smile and nod before turning back to his book.

Twilight looked around, "Huh, I thought you two would be working on those tools the mayor commissioned for Winter Wrap-Up."

Kevin replied with a shrug, "He did pass by about an hour ago. It sounded like he was panicking. Something about 'Anonymous' or whatever. I think he went straight to the portal room." he answered, not looking back from his book.

The princess and her assistant shared a concerned look.

He continued, "Not long after, I heard a loud roar and felt some nirik magic. I think he went to the other side to do something because I haven't seen him since."

Twilight nodded, "Alright, thanks Kevin."

She looked back to Spike, "I've got a bad feeling about this..."

The duo quickly made their way to the portal room, hoping that the former human hadn't done anything rash, or, as per usual, incredibly stupid.

They were halted right in their tracks when they saw the inside of the room. It was like the entire surface was covered by a thin layer of shimmering blue-red fire. Every nook and cranny appeared to have been covered by it.

"Woah..." Spike muttered in awe.

Twilight lit her horn, "It's a fireproofing spell. But it sort of looks like..."

She fired a small, concentrated beam on the surface of a table. When it made contact with the layer of energy, the swirling energy began to 'consume' it. The blue fires slowly inched towards the source of the beam the longer it held on.

She quickly dismissed the beam as it got just a tad too close before turning to the massive scorch mark in the middle of the room.

"...nirik-fire."

Spike pointed ahead, "Look, there's a trail! Seems like it leads to..." he followed it with his claw, which eventually landed on the mirror portal.

"Uh-oh." they both muttered at the same time.

Twilight saw the book in its slot on the machine and grabbed it with her magic. She flipped to the most recent page to see if anything had happened.

The princess gasped and turned to her number one assistant, "Spike, I think I know where he is."

The baby dragon nodded, "Yeah, I think I also have an idea on what's going on."

Without wasting any time, she placed the book back in place. Both of them shared a nod with each other before rushing through the rippling portal.

Sunset, along with rest of the Rainbooms walked through an absolutely wrecked hallway as they followed Spark's path of destruction. He was surprisingly very thorough, with every scorch mark being evenly spread around the walls, floor, ceiling, and other, now-molten objects. Some of them wondered how the entire building hadn't caught on fire yet.

"Is that how he looks like in Equestria, Sunset?" Fluttershy asked as she waved away some smoke.

"No." the former pony paused, "Well, sometimes, I guess." she replied without looking back.

Rarity raised an eyebrow, "What do you mean 'sometimes'?"

"Well, you see, Spark is actually in his alternate form right now. I think he called it his 'nirik' form or something. He can change into it whenever he wants." Sunset elaborated, glancing at a burning drinking fountain.

"So what exactly is he, then?" Rainbow inquired.

"He's something called a kirin. Basically a unicorn-deer-lion-dragon thing that can turn into a 'nirik form' if they get too angry. Or at least, that's how he explained it."

"He's gotta be veeery angry then if he got all flame-y like that!" Pinkie commented.

Sunset rolled her eyes, though it was left unseen as she was still facing away from them.

"Gee, I wonder why?" she muttered quietly.

Once they got close to the cafeteria, they were able to hear the now-familiar sound of a roar-whinny, accompanied with the sound of hysterically screaming teenagers.

Applejack adjusted her hat, "Come on, let's wrangle up ourselves a dragon horse."

"What?!"

Twilight looked at her... hooves? In shock. It seems like whatever it is Spark did had affected the portal's transformation magic in some way, and now she and Spike had arrived on the other side in their glorious native Equestrian forms.

"Well, at least I'm not a dog." the assistant tried to stay positive.

"I- wha- he- y- huh?!" the princess stammered incomprehensibly.

Spike looked towards the school and winced as he saw the unhinged doors and the trail of familiar blue-red flames that lead deeper into the building.

"Uh, Twilight, don't you think we should focus on something?"

Twilight shook her head and turned her gaze towards the entrance as well, "R-right, find Spark, and then fix the portal. Let's go!"

"What in tarnation..."

It was all Applejack could say as she, along with the other girls, barged into the cafeteria.

Inside a flaming, light blue, dodecahedral 'bubble', were the students and staff members, all huddled up in a group away from the intimidating presence of the Forge Lord.

They saw Spark, in his monstrous form, standing in front of a more translucent 'bubble', where the three members of the Canterlot Movie Club were grouped together, trembling where they stood as the armored nirik ranted with small bursts of fire coming out of his mouth every time he began a new sentence.

In front of him was a floating screen that was projected from one of the branches of his horn. From where the six girls stood, they could see that it was showing a 'video' of Sunset, standing all by herself in her normal everyday attire, in the middle of a snowstorm. She seemed to be unbothered

"-HAD I NOT INTERFERED, YOU WOULD HAVE SINGLE-HANDEDLY DOOMED THIS WORLD TO ETERNAL DAMNATION BY HARMONY WITH YOUR IDIOTIC SCHEME!"

Apple Bloom, who was on the verge of tears, backed up closer to the other end of the 'bubble', "W-we didn't think-"

"EXACTLY! YOU DIDN'T THINK! IN WHAT WAY THAT ANY OF THIS COULD HAVE ENDED WELL FOR ANYBODY?! DID YOU EVEN REALIZE THAT YOU COULD HAVE HURT THE INDIVIDUAL WHO HELPED SAVE YOUR WORLD AS PENANCE TO SUCH A DEGREE?!"

Scootaloo gathered her courage and shakily took a stance in front of her friends.

"L-look, you've made your point! And everybody already knows now, right?"

She got multiple nods from her two friends and the students from the other bubble

"So why don't you let us all out so we c-can apologize to her directly?"

Spark narrowed his glowing eyes, "If you think-"

"Spark! That's enough! Let then go!"

The Forge Lord turned around to see his client, looking at him sternly with her arms crossed.

He tilted his head Kirin StyleTM, "Does the client not wish to seek justice?"

Sunset raised an eyebrow at the different speech pattern, but still continued.

"They're clearly very sorry for what they did. Let them all go so we can-"

Just then, two small purple figures rushed into the room and passing by the girls.

Twilight lit her horn, "Spark! What do you think you're doing?!"

Sunset looked towards the small alicorn and baby dragon in surprise.

"Twilight?!"

The five girls behind her shared their own looks of disbelief.

"Well I'll be..." muttered Applejack.

"Is that a butt tattoo?" asked Rainbow while scratching her head.

"He really is a dragon!" Pinkie exclaimed excitedly.

"So that's what they look like..." Rarity commented while covering her mouth with a hand.

Fluttershy was visibly sweating. It seemed like she was trying her best to restrain herself from doing something whilst also quietly murmuring to herself.

"Hugthemlaterpetthemlaterhugthemlaterpetthemlater-"

Totally giving in to his nirik instincts as he saw the princess' lit horn, Spark snorted a plume of flames and pawed a hoof on the floor.

Twilight recognized this as a display of aggression, and flared her wings in response. Spike looked between the two nervously.

"Alright, then you give me no choice!"

The Forge Lord sprinted towards her with his tusks bared and his mane flaring.

The princess also sprinted towards him witj a spell prepared.

"AAAAAAA!" the two mythical creatutes cried as they readied to trade blows.

Throughout all of this, Sunset could only mutter but a single phrase.

"Oh sh-"

"-And that's why I went on a rampage as a nirik." Spark, in his kirin form, ended his explanation as he took a sip of hot chocolate.

Everybody at the small booth in Sweet Shoppe could only reply with a concerned look, bar Fluttershy, who was happily stroking Twilight's mane.

The princess rubbed her muzzle with a hoof, "Let me get this straight. You went on a warpath, in a form that was essentially Crucible's version of Nightmare Moon, destroyed a chunk of the school that I had to pay for since you clearly can't, and probably traumatized three fil- uh, kids, for the rest of their lives, all because you didn't want this 'Anon-A-Miss' thing to go like in your fanfics?"

The metalsmith nodded and floated the mug to take another sip, "Yeah, pretty much."

Twilight covered her face with her hooves amd heaved a sigh that could rival Spark's own.

"Fluttershy, I'm going to take a nap, you can brush my mane if you want..." she muttered tiredly.

The girl perked up, "Oh! Alright then, if you're fine with it."

"Hrm."

Rarity glanced at the floating mug in front of Spark, "Is this how ponies hold items in Equestria?"

The kirin-human floated a straw, a couple of cookies and a tray along with his mug.

"Only creatures that can actively manipulate magic and have no fingers. Pegasi can use their primary feathers and earth ponies can sometimes do this."

He placed everything back down and somehow, ignoring the laws of physics, picked up the mug with his hoof, on its flat side.

Rainbow looked at him incredulously, "How does that even work?"

Spark gave her a shrug, "I'm on the same boat as you. This applies to pretty much all creatures with hooves it seems."

Rarity looked at the kirin, baby dragon, and sleeping alicorn on the opposite side of the semi-circular booth.

"If you told me a year ago that I would be sitting down in a café with a bunch of mythical creatures while drinking hot cocoa I'd probably call you insane." she commented.

"I'd say the same thing." Applejack agreed

"That's why it's so fun!" Pinkie added.

Spark sniffed in amusement and noticed the other customers taking peeks at their booth.

"Mind your own business, will ya?!"

Author's Note

A simple "what-if" scenario on how Spark would have dealt with Anon-A-Miss! I hope you enjoy!

Since I'm finished with this, I'll continue working on chapter 6 of Fire Horse, and then maybe make a new Interlopers chapter.

Corrections and criticisms are more than welcome, I can't improve without those now, can I?
Have a good existence!
:)

"Remembered forever, the land of Equestria"