The mirror smashed into tiny pieces as Rarity flung it on the ground. Her breath was uneven, and her face was twisted with anger. When she realized what she had done she took a deep breath. One deep breath. Two. She closed her eyes and steadied her breath; then she floated the broken mirror pieces into the trash.
She thought she was better, at least getting better. She did the therapy once a week , she wore her heart on her sleeve. She did the things her therapist said; she journaled everyday, she did the stupid affirmations. She was supposed to be cured, so why couldn’t she look into the mirror without hating how she looked.
Her mane was disheveled, her makeup cakey, and don’t even get started on her body. She resembled a pig, an ugly pig.
She sighed and trotted over to her bed and curled up under her blanket, she closed her blinds wanting no light in her room, and then she sobbed, she sobbed so much she thought she would run out of tears.
Then she heard a voice, the angelic voice of Twilight Sparkle. Oh Celestia, she almost forgot, Twilight came over to take Rarity out on a date. She stopped her crying for a moment and croaked out an excuse to why she couldn’t make the date.
Silence. Then Twilight responded.
“Rarity, please let me in. I just want to see if you’re alright.”
Why couldn’t Twilight just leave her alone? She was fine, just fine. Rarity let out a weak laugh then replied.
“I’m fine darling, I just caught a cold and I don’t want you to catch it also.”
Rarity was used to lying by now. She’s been lying for months to everyone. She would say, I can’t go out today. I'm very busy with the shop, or I'm feeling under the weather darling. She never went out anymore unless it was to her therapist, her friends knew she was struggling and have been ever so patient and kind, especially her marefriend Twilight, she always tried to be there for Rarity even when Rarity pushed her away.
Rarity still had her body covered with the blanket, she wanted no one to see her, she didn’t even want to see herself.
The door shook with magic and it opened and Twilight trotted in looking around for Rarity until her eyes landed on the bed where Rarity was hidden.
“Rarity…” Twilight whispered as she climbed into bed next to Rarity, hesitant on what to do.
“Please Twilight, just—” Rarity faltered as she peered out from under the blanket to see the pity on Twilight’s face. There was no other way to describe it but pity. She never thought she would be someone anyone would feel pity for. I mean she was a jewel, a diamond, at least she was.
“Don’t look at me like that!” She heaved, “I’m not one of your projects that you can just fix,” She hissed.
Twilight chose her next words carefully, “I know that, you’re not a project Rarity, you’re my lover.”
“Then stop looking at me like that.”
They stayed like that for a moment in silence. Rarity thought back to her and Twilight's most recent conversation. They were watching a movie at Rarity’s place, and Rarity refused to eat a bite of popcorn; it led to an argument where Rarity said some horrible things. Then she thought about her most recent session with her therapist.
This isn't something that can just be magically fixed, her therapist had said. And it was definitely not something she could hide away, she needed to accept help when offered.
But she couldn’t help how every time she looked in a mirror she saw a body she was dissatisfied with, no matter how many times people said her body was nice she couldn’t believe it. She barely ate anymore and when she couldn’t fit into a dress from a year ago she locked herself in her room for a week.
“I just want to help you Rarity,” Twilight begged, “Please let me just help you, I’ve done research on Anorexia and BDD.”
Twilight droned on about her research while only one thing rang in Rarity’s mind. Help. She hasn't been herself for months now. She only started going to a therapist after Sweetie Bell found her passed out on the floor from hunger. Help. Why was it so hard to just accept help dammit. She trusted Twilight more than anyone in her world, she’s always been there for her, even held her hair up as she threw up after she tried to eat a meal. But she couldn’t let her in, she wouldn’t let her in.
Help.
Rarity threw the blanket off and asked Twilight what she would do, how could she possibly help her?
“You don’t understand Twilight—” Rarity drew in a breath, “I feel horrible all the time, I feel as if I don’t deserve you, I mean for Celestia's sake you’re a princess.”
“Please Rarity…” Twilight’s eyes welled with tears. “You do deserve me, just let me in—” She faltered then chose new words, “help me help you.”
“It’s not that easy!” She heaved, “I hear you guys, you all think I’m beautiful, that i’m perfect, I get it…”
Her voice cracked as she looked away, “I just want to believe that for myself too.”
And bless Twilight’s heart she was never good with what to say when people were sad, so she did the only thing she could think of: she hugged Rarity and wrapped her wings around her. Rarity sobbed again that day but it was a different type of tears. Twilight kissed her forehead over and over whispering it’s okay. Rarity didn’t want Twilight to ever let go of her, she hadn’t felt like this in forever. Safe.
“I’m here, I’m here Rarity, for you, okay?” Twilight held her skin and bones and just loved her. “I don’t know what to do, I won’t lie, so I'll just be here for you, I’ll just keep being here for you.”
“That’s all the help I need.” Rarity whispered.
