Ponyville Box Of Chocolates

by TooLateForAPenNameSpire

Rating: mature
Tags: Suicide / Self Harm, Profanity, Non-consensual, Random, Violence, Death, Narcotics, Gore, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Fetish, Sex
Length: 1877

You never know what you're gonna get.

Ponyville is like a box of chocolstes.
You never know what you're gonna get.
Probably chocolates though.

Like Robot Chicken, but with more genre variance. Chapters may be funny or scary. Dramatic scenes may give way to random fetishes. Any crossover is possible. Chapters may stand alone, or they may be part of an ongoing story. Perpetually unfinished, but the story may suddenly stop at any point.

All warning tags included, but they may or may not be in the story.
Anything can happen, so risk it all with Ponyville Box Of Chocolates!

Published 2024-10-14 17:40:00 UTC
Last updated 2024-10-14 17:40:00 UTC

Apple Jack Goes To Prison

Lieutenant Twilight Sparkle let the leaves crunch beneath her hooves.
Fluttershy, the intern, did her best to follow quietly behind.

"Um....

"Um..um...uhhhhhh..."
Fluttershy muttered something incoherent, and then, she dropped the briefcase that she had been holding on the floor.
The briefcase opened as it fell, scattering its contents to the wind.

"The case is glued tight ma'am. I've already had Rainbow check the perimeter. There's no way any pony is getting in or out of that barn. It seems like they've been holed up in there for days."

"I wish the case were glued tight Fluttershy.
If it were glued tight it wouldn't be fluttering all over Sweet Apple Acres."

Twilight looked at the barn.
She gave the door a buck.
Two bucks.
Three bucks.
She bucked until she couldn't give a buck.
After a moment of resting, the door fell open.

Inside the barn, Granny Smith was lying flat on the floor, and she was covered in blood.
Apple Jack was on the couch, also covered in blood.

"It was me; I did it."

Twilight looked at Apple Jack for a moment.

"Why would you just confess like that?
Why didn't you even try to hide?"

"I'm the element of honesty sugarcube. I'm literally the worst criminal possible."

Twilight put handcuffs on Apple Jack.
......

Twilight made her way through the dank prison, and she was being followed by an orange earth pony, with an orange cutie mark.

"We know that you're not the perpetrator Apple Jack.
We picked her up in Canterlot about an hour after you were arrested."

"But I'm not the killer! All the evidence points to Apple Jack. We even have a confe-"

"Quit yer yappin' Orange Jack; we know you done did it."

"But why did you do it Apple Jack? Why did you let me take you in?"

"Because, Twilight, getting sent to prison is the only way I ever get to go on vacation."

Author's Note

Granny Smith died of natural causes.

Trixie's Big Audience

Ponyville was very quiet.
Trixie had been preparing, and advertising, this show for months. She had spent what was left of her savings....
And she delivered a fantastic show.

She was taming lions.
Jumping through fire.
Turning rabbits inside out.
Pulling rabbits from hats.
And tearing herself to pieces.

But not a single pony came.
She gave her show to the empty audience.
She knew full well that it was empty, and that it wouldn't get any bigger, but she performed all the harder for that.

All of the acts she had done so far were so intense that she hadn't even had a chance to blink.
Just as she took a moment, instinctively, to check the reaction from the crowd, just then she took and single moment to blink.
And she saw it.

She was back in the zone just as quickly.
Juggling ladders, knives, and her own thoughts.
If she stopped to close her eyes now she wouldn't be able to open them ever again.
She saw, but she didn't see, the knives dropping.
They all fell away from her, but without her really meaning for them too.
It would have been better if they hadn't.
Her performance was already ruined.
But moving on as if nothing had happened was the only way to keep herself from seeing them again.

She wasn't even juggling anymore.
She was moving like a perfect performer , but her hands were perfectly empty.
She was intently tracking the space above her, but the whole sky was perfectly empty.
She looked to the crowd again and she blinked.

Whenever she closed her eyes she could see countless ponies.
All of them with eyes fixed wide open.
Never moving.

"We're all watching you."
They would say.

"Yes, I know that."
Trixie would respond, all alone.

She looked at the sky and closed her eyes, and she saw them.
She looked at the ground and closed her eyes and she saw them.
She turned her back to the crowd and she closed her eyes, and she saw them.

She held her eyelids open, and she picked up one of her knives, and she started to....
And then all she could do was stare at that empty crowd.

And from somewhere.... she heard roaring applause.

Butt Stuff

Orange Jack had been falling for quite some time.

"Everypony, this is Alex Pones, broadcasting live from Tartarus, Celestia's secret dungeon prison.
"Or at least, it belongs to what we call Celestia, but my sources indicate that she may be something far more sinister.
"Today on the show we'll be investigating rumours that the princess of Equestria might be a literal vampire changeling, as well as some frankly disgusting rumours about the factories in Cloudsda-"
Orange Jack fell on Alex Pones, destroying his camera in the process.

"Alex Pones is that really you!?
"Can you help me escape this place? And I'm really sorry about your camera!"

"No, Orange Jack. I can't help you escape."
Pinkie Pie took off her Alex Pones mask.
"Butt Pinkie Pie can."

"Pinkie Pie? What are you doing in Tartarus? Did Celestia hear about, you know, the Rainbow Dash incident?"

"No, I got locked up on purpose. I'm here undercover, doing work for the secret organisation, Butt, what you fell through was one of my Butt-holes."

"Butt, that can't really be a secret organisation!"

"Butt, that's exactly why it is. It's an organisation so silly no pony would ever believe that it exists. We operate in the open, and every pony just thinks that we're making elaborate jokes, that is, if any pony even notices us in the first place.
"Occasionally a crackpot traces us. Something smells fishy, dirty laundry, farting in morse code on the subway, all of it's the truth butt who would believe it?
"Any pony that says "butt", "butt", you can bet your butt that that pony's with Butt."

"Butt, what do you do?"

"We keep clean mostly. Our primary task is to fight any pony and every pony that does not work within or alongside Butt."

"Butt, who runs such a silly secret organisation?"

"You don't want to meet him; he's a real ass."

Brrrppp. Brrrppp. Brrrrppp.

"Shit! They're onto us. Quick, get into this Butt-hole. We'll meet up with Apple Jack on the other side."

Nightmare Night

"Everypony run! Pony Hitler has come back, to do Pony Hitler stuff!"

"JA, LAUF KLEINER DEUTSCHER JUNGE. WIR HABEN GEKOMMEN, UM DICH ZU KITZELN."

"Ach, nein, es ist Pony Hitler. Hilf mich!"

"Sister! Dressing up as Nightmare Moon on Nightmare Night is already pushing it, butt going around convincing young ponies that you are Pony Hitler is taking things too far!"

"Princess, get down! That's Pony Hitler!"
Twilight Sparkle appeared out of nowhere and shot a beam out of her horn, hitting Pony Hitler.
And then Pony Hitler exploded.

After looking at Princess Celestia, Twilight knew that she had done something deeply wrong.

"I'm sorry Twilight, butt you know too much."
Celestia teleported behind Twilight, and then she snapped her neck.

Redemption Arc

Orange Jack had started to like her cell.

A sweet voice, that at this point felt like it belonged more to the prison than it did to any pony:
"So, wanna be friends now?"

"No Cozy Glow, I do not want to be friends; I want to do nothing more than pretend that you have never, ever existed."

Cozy Glow crawled into the light.
"Butt Orange Jack, friends or no, I have a plan to get you out of here. Me and my friends are going to go out and save Equestria!
There isn't a whole lot that we can do from in here."

"I really, very seriously doubt, that you are going to save Equestria. I would sooner believe that you could break out of this prison than I would believe that you could have anything good to do outside of it.
"Unlike me, you, and all of your friends, belong here.
You don't even deserve to be here, in a very bad way.
You are all evil."

"Yes, but, Princess Celestia is even more eviler. I'm not going to make Equestria a better place, but I will make it a slightly less worse place.
"Make up your mind, because I have a very special friend arriving in just a few seconds."

And in just a few seconds the wall in front of them broke into a million little pieces. Orange Jack gazed in horror at Cozy Glow's mechanical friend.

"GUTEN TAG!"

"I did nazi that coming."

"C'mon friends, innocent or guilty, you don't want to be here when Twilight shows up."

Just as Cozy Glow had finished speaking a blast of magic energy lit up the room.

"OJ! ACHTUNG!"

Mecha Pony Hitler leaped towards Orange Jack, knocking her away from the blast, butt gravely wounding herself in the process.

"Oy vey, Mecha Pony Hitler neigh! Don't die on me, and don't call me OJ!"

"NEIN..... ES..... IST GUT..... UNSERER KLEINER PONEY. WIR STERBERN.....UNSEREM FREUNDINNEN ZU BESCHÜTZEN.
WIR HABEN ES NUN GELERNT... DIE MACHT DES LIEBE.
FRÜHER...SAHEN WIR NUR KRIEG.....
NUN....SEHEN WIR FRIEDE....."

Orange Jack held Mecha Pony Hitler in her legs.

"FREUNDSCHAFT.....IST......MAGIE......."
And then Mecha Pony Hitler exploded.

"NEEEEIGGHHHHH!!!!!"
Orange Jack was devastated.

A cold snicker echoed into the chamber.
"How touching."

Orange Jack was too enraged to be intimidated by the alicorn.

"Fluttershy!"

"That's lieutenant Fluttershy to you, foal!"

"Fluttershy, do whatever you want to Cozy Glow, but let me go! I'm innocent; I was framed!"

"And who do you think it was that framed you?
I was the pony that framed you.
I was the pony that set up Twilight.
I was the pony that killed Granny Smith by natural causes.
And, most importantly, I was the pony that got rid of all the evidence."

"You'll never get away with this..."

"I'm sorry, but um...uhhh, I already ha-"

-"Brother, brother what is this?"

The astartes put the book down slowly and carefully.

"Brother, this is the new 1000th edition codex. Standard chapter issue, I wrote it myself."

"Butt...."

"No if's, and's, or butt's brother. This codex contains everything we need to know, and every pony must study every page. It says so right here, right here in the codex brother."

Rainbow Is Sick Of Vore

Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy were sitting alone together in a wide meadow. Fluttershy was bringing Rainbow Dash her pretend fan mail, and Rainbow Dash was pretending that she knew how to read.

"Fluttershy, don't give me any more of the vore stuff.
I've had my fill of it, and I have no idea why my fans keep sending me that stuff.
At the very least, they could let me eat Fluttershy.
I'm sick of vore; it's disgusting."

Discord loudly opened the door.
"SICK, of vore? The greatest fetish ever conceived by humanity? If you want disgusting, I'll show you disgusting."
And discord snapped his fingers.

Suddenly, Rainbow felt a pull.
It was weak at first, but it kept getting stronger. She went as fast as she could, but nothing ever helps fate. She was getting dragged through the dirt, slowly, towards Fluttershy.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH"
One screamed.
"aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh"
Said the other.