The Great Ponyville Rhyme-Off

by Kris Overstreet

Rating: everyone
Tags: Zecora, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Trixie
Length: 1327

The Great and Powerful Trixie brags she can beat anyone at anything. What if Zecora accepted?

Back when we first met her, the Great and Powerful Trixie bragged about being the best at everything, even showing up Applejack and Rainbow Dash.

But what if it was Zecora who took her up on the challenge?

May the best rhyme-master win!

(Also some silly padding-out to get to the 1000 word minimum.)

Written for the Pony Poetry Contest.

Published 2024-10-15 04:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2024-10-15 04:20:02 UTC

Round 1: Zecora

I'm a mare from Zebrica, Zecora is my name
And my wealth of herbal wisdom is what garners me my fame
If you little ponies cross my hoof with gold or silver
I'll produce a poultice, potion, brew or pill for
Any ailment, any sickness, any body part you inja,
I'll deliver like a ninja a medicine that's flavored ginger
Your boyfriend is complaining he's come down with tennis elbow?
I've got a special lotion that will make that colt a well beau
For influenza and dyspepsia I've a brew that's tainted purple
'Cause if a sneeze won't ease it, then perhaps a burp'll
If your mother has the blues because her tongue is colored orange
Cures are ready in my study if you want them, or in
Just a half an hour I can cure what makes you sick
(Just don't ask me if I can set my recipes to music)
I use the purest water, free of algae scum or plankton
So when your stomach's easy, you'll know which zebra to thank
Tonight when you're fleeing from some bogeymare or monster
Impurity won't worry you when the danger is all gone
Stir my potions expertly with careful timing, heat and rhythm
The better for to ease your allergies and minor pains with 'em
And if you're having troubles when you sit upon the toilet
I can mix a tea for you so you can take it home and boil it
Is it hard being a guard? Well, if you're suffering from a cold, yer
Need to stop my my hut, and I'll make it better, soldier
If you can't visit my home, then be sure to drop a letter
For if you think my rhymes are hot, my medicine is better.

Round 2: Trixie

I can't stay long, because I've been invited to a great banquet.

It's a feast.

I have to catch the next train to Manehattan to attend.

It's a feast in the east.

The main course will be a succulent roast.

It's a beast feast in the east.

But don't worry- it's not an animal, but a walking fungus.

It's a yeast beast feast in the east.

Are you still upset? Well, I have it on the highest authority that it died of natural causes.

It's a deceased yeast beast feast in the east.

It's just as well. After all, it was the runt of its litter.

It's a deceased least yeast beast feast in the east.

And the whole species is all wrinkly and folded over and stuff.

It's a deceased least creased yeast beast feast in the east.

It was going to be a private little thing, but they opened it to the public because of all the demand.

It's an increased deceased least creased yeast beast feast in the east.

OHHH! Oh NO! I just remembered! It was YESTERDAY! I MISSED it!

The increased deceased least creased yeast beast feast in the east... has CEASED.

Author's Note

I originally had this idea ages ago as the core for a snippet to be submitted to The Infinite Loops, as an effort to get the least-used Looping characters some screen time. I dropped out of that project (and a good thing too, since Changeling Space Program and the Maretian might not have happened otherwise), but the idea stuck with me of Zecora cheating to rhyme impossible words while Trixie used the same rhyme as much as possible.

I was originally going to end it here, but this is less than halfway to the 1000 words, so now I get to pad like hell...

An Ode to Disaster Relief Funds

To the Department of Equestrian Revenue,
237 Star Avenue,
Canterlot;

Request for Disaster Aid #35A,
Eighth month of 1001, Seventh Day,
All amounts in bits;

Three households, roofs destroyed,
Plus two shopkeepers temporarily unemployed,
$852;

One water tower, misappropriated,
Replacement value (once depreciated)
$2,189;

Damage to city water supply
(Surplus to damages above applied)
$658;

One travel wagon (highly modified)
Owned by non-resident (unidentified)
$1,890;

Total expenditure $5,589,
Rapid payment would suit us fine,
We'll take a check;

That's all this week, be well, take care,
Signed, Mayor Marian Mare.
P. S. how's the foal?

To the City of Ponyville, Office of Mayor,
From Senior Auditor Laissez-Faire,
Re: Request #35A of 1001;

After investigation we've debated
And decided your numbers are somewhat inflated
To wit;

Thatching is cheap and within your ability,
And store closures not our responsibility,
Reduced to $340;

The tower depreciation was insufficient
With modern systems much more efficient,
Item refused;

But modernizing the village water supply
Is covered by grants for which you may apply
(Forms enclosed).

The damaged wagon belongs to WHO?
If you can't find them, don't ask us to,
Item refused;

Total $340, to which we append
"Putting Up With Twilight Sparkle" damage stipend
$1000.

All in all, a rather light week,
But don't use that as an excuse to seek
A re-evaluation.

Signed, Laissez-Faire, Esq.
P. S. County's fine, how's by you?
See you next week.

Author's Note

OK, the padding can stop now.

Snips and Snails Afterwards

Hey, Snails! Let's try rhyming
Like Trixie and Zecora did!

Er, Snails, I don't know how to rhyme-
Oh, look a katydid.

Sure you do! You did it then!
Why, you're a rhyming wiz!

It's nice of you to say that, but
I don't know what rhyming is.

You did it again! See there, Snails?
You're matching what I say!

Hello there, little grasshopper,
How are you today?

Leave the bug alone, Snails,
Pay attention to the words-

If you don't go hide, grasshopper,
You'll get eaten by some birds.

When two words sound almost alike,
That's rhyming- do you see?

When I said to hide from birds,
I didn't mean in the tree.

Snails, are you even listening?
I've kinda got a hunch-

Whoops! I didn't expect a bat!
My grasshopper friend is lunch.

Hello, Snails? Buddy? Pal?
Did you hear a word I'm saying?

Huh? Oh, sorry, Snips,
I guess I wasn't paying-

Yeah, I noticed. Never mind,
I guess rhyming isn't for us.

Whatever you say, Snips.
But why are we in the forest?

Well, we want to watch as Trixie
fights an ursa major, right?

Well, yeah, but Mom told me to stay
Out of the woods at night.

But don't you want to watch the magic
Trixie told us all about?

Yeah, but it's the Everfree Forest
And that sign just said KEEP OUT.

Look, we gotta have an ursa!
This is the one place we haven't looked!

Well, I hope we find one soon
Or else my goose is cooked.

Snails, you can stop rhyming now,
It's getting irritating.

Maybe we could set a trap-
But what would we use for baiting?

Now you're doing it on purpose!

Doing what?

Rhyming!

Huh?

Look, just stop talking and let's find it!

Find what?

The ursa majuh.

Author's Note

I wanted this to be split-alignment, with Snips's lines on the left and Snails's on the right. But the formatting wouldn't cooperate, so this is what I could do without using colored text.

From Twilight Sparkle's Wastebasket

I thought it would be easy writing verse-
Zecora seems to do it all the time.
But when I write each line just comes out worse-
It's such hard work to even make it rhyme.

If that Trixie showpony could do it,
Then logic dictates, clearly, so should I.
But fifteen quill pens later, now I rue it.
The stuff I write is dreadful! Tell me why?

Emotion, meter, rhythm, rhyme and theme-
These things are everything a poem needs.
And yet, despite my best effort, I seem
To turn out trash no one should ever read.

I didn't challenge Trixie like the rest;
And my decision worked out for the best.

Author's Note

You and me both, Twi.