Make Me.

by str8aura

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Profanity, Random, Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1004

You heard her.

You heard her. Make her.

featureatured on 10/15/24

Published 2024-10-15 21:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2024-10-15 21:00:00 UTC

Dew it.

"Make me." Celestia said.

"Pardon, your majesty?"

Celestia licked her lips. "You heard me. Make. Me. Do it. Go ahead. Any of you."

The gathered court of nobles and aristocrats looked amongst each other. Nobody dared speak a word.

Outside, the sky was empty. The moon had dipped below the horizon. No sun had risen to replace it.

It was 3 PM.

Celestia sat on her throne at the head of the court, daring anybody to speak. No malice or joy lay rested in her expression; only cold calculation, a sheer void of emotion that could have meant anything and everything.

That was exactly what made it so, so terrifying.

"Make you... do it?" One brave soul spoke up, glancing for a zeptosecond at the other princess seated silently beside Celestia.

Celestia clapped her hooves sharply. "Don't look at her. Luna can't help you. Look at me. Make me."

"Princess, you... You have to do it." Another said unsurely.

Celestia tilted her head, speaking with the snide cadence of an annoying teenager who has just discovered logical fallacies. "Why? Is it in the law? Is it my job? Am I being paid to do it? Point out to me, where in Equestrian law it says I have to raise the sun."

"I don't think-" The royal stammered. "I mean, in all of the nation's history, nobody really thought it-"

"Thought what? Thought it needed to be written down? Hm." Celestia hmed. "Shame. Then... What's making me do it, exactly?"

"Your- Your duty, Your Majesty. Nobody else can do it. You're the princess."

"Cluck like a chicken." Celestia stuck her chin up, speaking commandingly.

The noble nearly turned blue. "W-What?"

"Cluck like a chicken. Right here, right now. In front of everyone." Celestia swept her hoof across the court, gesturing to the deathly quiet crowd.

"...Why?"

"Well, because I'm the princess. You just said it, right? That's as good as a law, according to you. In fact, I'll renounce the crown. Right now. You, sir, are the new princess. Congratulations. Now raise the sun."

Everybody was looking at him now. He began to sweat, very much praying for the sudden appearance of a sinkhole in Canterlot Castle. "I- I can't!"

Celestia's jaw dropped dramatically. "Oh! Wow! But you're the princess! I'm taking that title back, by the way." She hissed.

Sucking in air and praying, a mare at one of the closest seats spoke up with carefully voiced reason. "Your majesty, it's not a matter of rank. Nobody else is physically capable of doing it. Only you can-"

"Nobody else is capable of blowing up the sun either." Celestia snapped without missing a beat. "Doesn't mean I have to do it. The minute you show me a rule, law, or otherwise official statement demanding I raise the sun every morning is the minute I'll do it."

Silence.

"Your Majesty, are you... Alright?"

"Shh!" A nearby noble quickly shushed his neighbor out of fear.

Celestia honed in on the question and shook her head condescendingly. She stood up from her throne, and began idly circling around the court, looking between different ponies with her chiseled frown. "No, no, it's quite alright. I'll take this question. I'm sure you're all thinking it. Am I a changeling, perhaps? Luna, kindly perform the spell. Thank you, Luna. Am I some product of Discord's magic? Have I an evil twin sister this entire time, which I have failed to tell you all about? What's the matter with me? What's happened? And I'll tell you what. I woke up. And I felt like it. Simple as that."

Elsewhere, stocks in defense and warfare equipment skyrocketed.

"Your Majesty-" One stallion tried after several long minutes of nothing."-What can we do to convince you to raise the sun? We'll do anything at all." A general sussurus of agreement met this declaration.

"Anything at all?" Celestia said innocently.

The stallion steeled himself, gauging the rest of the room for a reaction. "...Anything."

"I want to slap a filly." Celestia said quickly.

A rattled murmur passed through the gathered crowd.

Celestia nodded self-assuredly. "You heard me. Not every day. Just once every... ten years, let's say. You'll bring a filly to me, no older than ten years old. And in front of everyone, I'll slap her across the face. Full force. A colt works too. I don't care. And that will be our new deal. For that, I'll never cease to raise the sun a day in my immortal life. I will sign it into law."

"But..."

"Oh?" Celestia batted her eyes, leaning in close to the nearest noble. "What's the matter? This isn't exactly Omelas. Surely the grand cosmic order of the solar system is worth one filly having a bad day?"

The tittering became more contemplative.

"Does it have to be... a filly? Could it not be an adult?"

Celestia shook her head. "Nope. Not a chance. It has to be a child. One slap. Ten years. That's the final deal, and I won't accept any less."

"You could slap me if you want, princess." Somebody offered far too-eagerly.

Celestia said nothing, only narrowed her eyes in the general direction of the voice.

One of the few nobles with morals closer to grey than black finally spoke up, voice quivering, holding back tears.

"But why? What could possibly have come over you to do this, this... This cruel decision?"

Celestia rose to her full height, and with a grave voice, she changed the course of Equestrian history forever.

"Because I am Princess Celestia, supreme Diarch of Equestria. And absolute power corrupts absolutely."

Nine hours earlier, Celestia popped her head into Luna's room.

"Sister, dear? I... Dropped it."

"Dropped what, sister?"

"The sun. Like... Out of the Galaxy. I just- I blinked for a moment, I was still a little tired. And. Uh. I dropped it."

The two alicorns stared at each other for a minute.

"Accidentally."

"Oh, you're fucked." Luna said.

"Don't worry." Celestia said. "I have a plan."