Extremely Terrible and Horrifying Stories

Chapters

Applejack
Rarity
Rainbow Dash
Fluttershy
Pinkie Pie
Twilight Sparkle

Applejack

Alright, so I know what you're here for. Plenty of horror and stuff. The three G's; Guts, Gore, and… um… Gobs of Guts. Yes. Prepare to enter a world where each of the Mane 6 is depicted in a most horroriffic (this may or may not be a word) light, while still staying TRUE to their characters. You know that feeling in your stomach? That isn't butterflies. That's pure TERROR that only an extremely handsome and skilled writer like me can entice. So, for this journey into a most certainly non-cupcakes story, I shall start with Applejack. But who will be the victim? Luckily, I have my classy victim spinner. Only the Mane 6 is listed, so that way you'll feel somewhat more sympathetic towards whoever is being killed for your amusement. Let's give her a spin… and… Rainbow Dash! Let's go!

The heat outside was extraordinary, with temperatures pushing a good 100 degrees. The air seemed to dance in front of Rainbow Dash's eyes as the heat caused everything to shimmer. Under the shade of a tree, Rainbow Dash was stranded as though on an island in the middle of an ocean, a cool refuge in what today felt like a vast dessert. She gave a quick glance at the sky, cloudless, and with a sun that gazed back at her with a ferocious glare. The heat seemed to cut right through the leaves of the tree she was resting under.

"You'd think Celestia was angry at the world or something. I'm burning up here!" Rainbow Dash grumbled. If she were to go flying today, she'd quickly roast under the heat of the sun. Even the cool breeze that normally blew through her rainbow mane as she flew wouldn't be enough to keep her cool. And a pegasus like Rainbow Dash who wasn't flying, wasn't happy. "How could today get any worse?" Rainbow Dash muttered, slumping back against her temporary tree home.

At least the tree was atop a small hill, which in turn gave a beautiful view of Equestria's spacious countryside. Rainbow Dash had an especially great view of Sweet Apple Acres. The few structures that made up the farm were easily dwarfed by the huge number of trees that coated the hills. Rainbow Dash couldn't help but wonder how Applejack was coping with the heat. After all, this time of year was when all the apple bucking was done. It wasn't healthy to be out on a day like this. Well… herself excluded.

But as Rainbow Dash continued to look at the farm she noticed a small figure in the distance. Was that…? Rainbow Dash puzzled over what pony would be crazy enough to try and endure this heat. She quickly concluded that sitting there and doing nothing would bring her no closer to solving that mystery. Rainbow Dash launched herself into the air, and a quick flight brought her to the figure's side.

"Hey Applejack!" Rainbow Dash called. She landed besides her friend, who was standing there, staring at an apple tree, a hard look on her face. Her eyes seemed slightly bloodshot, as though she lacked sleep. "Some day, huh? It's so hot! I mean, even hotter than yesterday, and that was really bad too!" Rainbow Dash grinned at Applejack. Was her friend going to stare at apples all day? "Applejack, you should really get inside. It's really hot out here. You wouldn't be helping anypony if you turn into a pony steak, you know?" Rainbow Dash laughed, but it quickly turned into an awkward one, since Applejack hadn't made a single noise. She was just staring at that tree. Rainbow Dash smiled nervously. She hadn't offended Applejack, had she? She tried again. "So, uh, Applejack…"

"They're dying, Rainbow Dash."

Rainbow Dash started at the silence being shattered with a cold, hard hammer that was Applejack's voice. "What was that? What's dying?"

A fierce gaze was now directed at Rainbow Dash. "The apples. All my hard work and care. They're wasting away before they're even leaving the tree."

Rainbow Dash slowly backed away from the intense gaze. Recently in Cloudsdale there'd been a problem with cloud production, resulting in a drought that'd been two weeks in length, and still ongoing. A devastating blow to earth ponies like Applejack. Rainbow Dash understood why Applejack was frustrated, but she didn't think AJ would become so… harsh.

"They're just apples. It's not like they're your family or anything." Rainbow Dash said with a nervous laugh accompanying it. And instantly she realized that was an extremely stupid thing to say. After all, practically everyone in Applejack's family had there name based off of some apple delicacy. "Oh, geez, that came out wrong…" Rainbow Dash began, but Applejack cut her off, with a stare unwavering and seeming to be made of steel.

"So you're one of those people." Applejack reached into the satchel she was carrying on her back, taking out a single apple. "Here."

"What am I supposed to do with this?"

"Consarnit! Just eat the damned thing!"

Rainbow Dash didn't want to anger her friend anymore and quickly swallowed the apple. But it didn't taste right. Her stomach… it was doing all the maneuvers that Rainbow Dash usually did in the sky. "What is…?" She whispered, before collapsing to the ground, losing consciousness.

Her stomach still ached as Rainbow Dash slowly opened her eyes. She could feel herself sitting in a wooden, straight-backed chair, and she seemed to be in some room in Applejack's house. But this room was dim, with all the windows and doors leading to the outside world closed. The slivers of light that slipped through the cracks were the only means of illumination, and they were enough. Enough to see the room was packed with apples. They filled crates, littered the floor, and covered the wooden table that was a short distance in front of Rainbow Dash. And out of the corner of her eye; was that some sort of red stuff smeared across the floor? The smear stretched from her chair to a door with no lighting coming from the cracks, so it must lead to the inner workings of the Apple family abode.

It's ketchup, that's all, Rainbow Dash reasoned. Nothing more. It's not like Applejack has blood covering her floor. But her mind quickly shifted from the mess to a particular apple in the room. Applejack.

"So you're awake." Applejack's voice had grown no less hard in the time that had passed.

Rainbow Dash groaned, her stomach continuing to ache. "What happened, Applejack?"

"Must've been a bad apple." Came the reply. Applejack set a plate on the table in front of Rainbow Dash. It had a pile of apples. "Eat em'."

"I don't know about this Applejack… My stomach's still killing me…"

"Eat the damn apples." Rainbow Dash was scared. She began to slowly pick up an apple and started to chew. "You know," Applejack began to speak, pacing as Rainbow Dash was finishing off the apple in her hooves. "Pinkie Pie was just like you. She walks up to me, saying how apples are nuthin but silly fruits. She didn't appreciate my hard work. She didn't appreciate my apples." At this she turned to Rainbow Dash, who was done with the apple. "Eat another." The frightened pony hastily grabbed another apple. And as she chewed, she could feel juice from the apple splattering against her face. Or was that tears from her eyes? Applejack continued to pace. "I brought her back here. I made her appreciate them. I made her. And let me tell you, when I was done with her, she was close to bursting. I reckon she did, actually. I reckon she nearly choked on em'…"

Rainbow Dash wanted to leave that hard wooden seat, to get up and run away, but fear kept her glued to that chair. What had AJ done to Pinkie Pie? Her hoof shook, as she took the final bite of her second apple.

"Eat another."

Rainbow Dash was definitely crying now. "Please AJ… I'm full. Really. I didn't mean to insult your apples! Just let me go! Please!"

"You want to leave? Only one way out for you…" AJ walked over to the door where the red trail ended, and she reached for the door.

Well, almost the door. Rainbow Dash was almost blinded when Applejack flipped the light switch that was on the wall right beside it..

AJ smiled, and asked, "Would you mind using the door over there?" She pointed to the door that light was streaming from. "Big Macintosh is sleeping, and you do NOT want to mess with his beauty sleep." A shocked look ran across Applejack's face when she saw the state Rainbow Dash was in. "What in tarnations? You're crying!"

Rainbow Dash sniffed. "You really scared me, Applejack! The way you were acting… You were so cold… And when I heard you talking about Pinkie Pie, and I saw the blood…"

"The what?" Applejack looked down at the floor and laughed. "Darlin, that ain't blood! Pinkie Pie was trying to put ketchup on some of my apples, and some of it got on the floor!" A soft look now appeared on Applejack's face. "Look, I'm sorry I worried you Rainbow Dash. The drought's just been mighty frustrating, and I've been a bit cold with everypony. When you ate that bad apple, I thought maybe a few more would perk you back up."

"And… and why was it all dark and creepy?"

"You want more light and heat during this drought? I wanted to keep the inside of the house cool!"

With the misunderstanding out of the way, the two friends shared a long, warm hug, and all was-

Author: STOP! Stop this right now! Cut the description, switch to script format, and just. Stop. Everything. You two. Come here!
Rainbow Dash: What's up?
Applejack: Did we do something wrong?
Author: Do something wrong? DO SOMETHING WRONG! Yes! What the hell was that ending? This is a horror fic, not some lovey-dovey, friendship fic! People came here to see blood, not freaking ketchup on the floor!
Applejack: Alright, mister genius writer. What were you expecting?
Author: You know, something crazy! I was expecting you to, I don't know, force feed her apples till she burst! You, know the pressure of the apples ripping open RD's skin, guts and stuff spilling onto the floor along with apple chunks. Something gory! The readers lap that crap right up!
Rainbow Dash: That's nasty! Who'd ever want to read that?
Author: You kidding me? If cupcakes can get tons of readers, this'll easily make me just as famous! Step 1: Offensive gore. Step 2: Viral attraction. Step 3: question mark. Step 4: Profit.
Rainbow Dash: Let me rephrase my question; Who'd ever enjoy reading that?
Author: You don't need to enjoy it, just find it offensive. Then forums will forever discuss my name! But now the story sucks. It was supposed to be simple. You poison Rainbow Dash, take her back to your barn-house-thing, and feed her to death! It's perfect!
Applejack: But why in tarnation would I do that?
Author: …Excuse me?
Applejack: You said at the very beginning you were gonna stay true to our characters. Why. Would I. Do that?
Author: Because… You know… You're frustrated about how hard you're working, and no one appreciates it. Or your apples. Yeah, the apples especially.
Applejack: For Pete's sake, they're just apples! You think I've never dealt with a drought before? I'm not gonna go crazy over it!
Author: Well, you're still being overworked…
Applejack: Nice try. We already addressed that problem in episode 4.
Author: Well, that's true, but-
Rainbow Dash: Hey author, I was reading over the story, and why is AJ just carrying a bag of "poisoned" apples?
Author: Oh, um… Maybe because-
Rainbow Dash: And if Applejack's so concerned about her apples, why are they just lying around in the room and not in storage where they can be protected?
Author: That's a good question. Not sure on the answer-
Twilight Sparkle: You mind if I cut in? I couldn't help but notice that you wanted Rainbow Dash to "literally" burst? Now, if Rainbow Dash was given enough apples to make her stomach split, then the internal bleeding would cause death long before she could eat enough apples to burst her skin open. And about the science behind the apples "dying" on the trees…
Author: STOP! All of you just shut up! I wanted to make a story! I give you ponies some free reign, and what do I get? Bitching! Bitching and suckiness! And you know what? I don't care. I've got 5 more ponies to make an awesome gore story out of! I don't need this one to be successful! Now go!
Applejack: Aren't we gettin paid?
Author: GO! End story!

Alright guys, sorry about that. I know you came in expecting a good gore story, but SOME ponies had to go and change the ending on me. No worries, the next fic is guaranteed to be good! Rarity is always obsessing with clothes, there's got to be a possibility for craziness somewhere in there… Bah. If any of you guys want to take a shot at an appropriate gore ending, be my guest! Maybe the ponies will listen to you more than they listen to me! *Grumble grumble*

Rarity

Alright, so the last fic was a bust. What was supposed to be awesome and gory, well… wasn't. A FLUKE I SAY! Today's horrortastic production focuses on one Rarity, whose love for clothes will drive her to vile depths! She'll… um… Make a meat suit or something. Wait, aren't meat suits now socially exceptable ever since Lady Gaga did it...? Never mind! I refuse to let pop culture jokes invade my beautiful story! Now, who'll be the next victim…?

Author: Run script mode! Spike!
Spike: Yes author?
Author: #1 assistant, fetch me my classy victim spinner!
Spike: Right away sir! (Runs off for spinner.)
Author: Now, how to freak people out… A Rarity creating odd plush dolls of other ponies? Stitching the clothing she made directly onto the skin so the victim can't take it off? Meh. I'll discuss it with Rarity during the opening exposition. She may have a good idea.
Spike: Your classy spinner sir!
Author: Thanks kid. Have a lapis lazuli. Wrote it into existence myself. Now let's give it a spin… (Spins spinner) And it's… Rainbow Dash? Again? Well, I guess there's going to be repeats. Eh. Whatever. Okay, get ready for paragraph mode! Prepare flowery descriptions! And… Start story!

Rainbow Dash was a mess. That's to be expected of course when you've just finished knocking down a barn. Particularly a barn that Applejack had asked Rainbow Dash to destroy. All the dust and grime had matted in her hair, creating dirty clumps, and her mane was mussed up, less like a beautiful rainbow and more akin to a sonic rainboom. As a whole, she seemed to be just a tad bit darker than she normally was, going from a light blue to a light blue with a brown tinge.

"Well I'll be!" Applejack came out from a nearby ditch, as the amount of debris flying around made it dangerous to stand in the open. "You were so thorough, all me and Big Macintosh'll need to do is pick up the pieces!"

"Well," the rainbow pony grinned. "What did you expect? I'm Rainbow Dash! Anything I do, I do awesomely!"

Applejack laughed. "Oh, you are so full of yourself! Well, thanks for taking care of this for me! I'll make sure to send you a satchel-full of some of my finest apples." Rainbow Dash couldn't help but lick her lips at the thought of some of Sweet Apple Acres' high quality products. "It's the least I can do for ya, Rainbow."

"Got any other barns you need destroying? I'm still raring to go!"

Applejack couldn't help but smile at Rainbow Dash's eager enthusiasm. "Sorry, but that's all I got for ya. Now do yourself a favor and take a bath! You're an absolute mess!"

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. "Alright, alright. See you later Applejack!" And off like a rocket Rainbow Dash flew, with Applejack waving her off. Truth be told, Rainbow Dash didn't mind she was dirty. Actually, she was proud of it. Dirt and grime were like temporary scars, they proved you put in a hard days work, and showed you were tough enough to get the job done. But… a bath would be nice right about now, Rainbow Dash thought. A dirty wing could hardly perform the tricks that would land her a role in -her heart skipped a beat- the Wonderbolts!

Rainbow Dash landed outside the beauty salon, where anypony could get a quick, relaxing bath. And that's when Rarity stepped out, nearly bumping into Rainbow Dash. "Oh my, sorry dear-" But Rarity stopped short when she saw the condition that Rainbow Dash was in. She gaped in astonishment at the pony that was currently the polar opposite of everything she stood for. "Rainbow Dash! What happened to your wonderful hair? And that mane! I've seen squirrel tails cleaner that that rag!"

Rainbow Dash snickered at her friend's overreaction. "Oh, I just got it a bit dirty. No biggie."

"No biggie!" Rarity shouted. A few passing ponies turned their heads. "Rainbow Dash, beauty is one of the important things in the world! Your hair is part of what defines who you are! You have to care for it! Your pelt, it's… it's… Like your identity!"

Rainbow Dash snorted. "C'mon Rarity, looks aren't everything. I mean, I barely take care of this bunch of fluff, and I haven't lost my 'identity' or anything. Just chill!"

Rarity was giving Rainbow Dash an odd look now. And as the seconds piled on, Rainbow Dash began to feel uncomfortable. "So…" Rarity whispered. "You don't think looks are important?" Her eye twitched. "How would you like it if someone came along and plucked that gorgeous skin right off?"

Rainbow Dash laughed nervously. "I'm sure that would feel pretty weird, heh. Good one, Rarity!"

But Rarity wasn't listening to Rainbow Dash. She was reaching into her bag, and after some rummaging, brought out a bottle of what seemed to be perfume. "You simply MUST smell this." She said, though it came out as more of a command than a suggestion.

Rainbow Dash, leaned forward warily, and sniffed at the bottle, and jerked back when Rarity sprayed it in her face. "This stuff smells awful!" cried Rainbow Dash, scratching at her nose with a hoof, as though that could ward off the scent. It didn't. The smell seemed to stick around, and it felt as though it was choking Rainbow Dash.

"Funny," Rarity commented dryly. "I use that perfume all the time. See what you're missing? Come along," The malicious smile that Rarity gave Rainbow Dash was the last thing she saw before blacking out. And the final words of, "I'm going to show you how important beauty is."

Rainbow Dash slowly regained consciousness. As she opened her eyes, she saw another pair of eyes staring back at her. With a cry of surprise, Rainbow Dash jumped away from the figure, and it did the same. Breathing heavily out of fright, Rainbow Dash stared at the other pony, which she now recognized as her reflection in a large mirror which stretched all the way to the ceiling. As Rainbow Dash regained her bearings, she found she was surrounded by room high mirrors; a small, octagonal room where the walls were all reflective.

"Like it?" Rarity's voice echoed, coming from seemingly everywhere at one. "All the mirrors are one way, so even though you can't see me, I can see you just fine. Also, did I mention there's no way out?" A laugh reverberated through the room.

Rainbow Dash began to panic. "Ha ha," she laughed nervously. "You're always the kidder Rarity…" That was hardly true, and Rainbow Dash knew it. "Can I get out now?"

"But the fun's hardly started!" Rarity's voice cried out again. "If you look in the mirror, you'll notice I cleaned you up while you were busy being unconscious." And so she was. Not a single speck of dust lay on Rainbow Dash's blue pelt. Not only that, but her hair was brushed, and her mane was perfectly combed, not a single strand out of place. "Held in place by industrial strength hair gel, of course. You know, I've always admired your beautiful coat, Dashie darling. And that smooth skin… I would love it to be my own. I'd adore having hair like that. You might say I'd even kill." Rainbow Dash gulped. There's gotta be a way out of here, she thought. Look for a handle or something! "When I mentioned identity earlier, Rainbow, I wasn't kidding. Why, if I had that beautiful, beautiful coat of yours, I'd practically be you. In fact, how would anyone be able to tell the difference. For all anypony would know, it'd be you running around, and not some other pony in disguise..."

Rainbow Dash let out a nervous laugh. "Ain't that something?" she said, feeling along the mirror walls for some sort of handle. Rainbow Dash couldn't help but think that she seemed to be laughing nervously a lot today.

"Indeed. Fluttershy said the same thing. The funny thing about you two is that both of you don't mind getting… dirty." That last word was said with a hiss. "Her and her filthy animals… It drives me CRAZY how such beautiful skin could go mistreated. Why, if I could only have that pelt for myself, I'd make sure it stayed neat and tidy."

There were no handles! There really WAS no way out!

"Fluttershy thought I was being a bit too much of a neat freak for my own good! Hah! I showed her! And I must say... Her beautiful hair made for great clothing…"

And then it dawned on Rainbow Dash. And she knew she had to get out. NOW. "Let me go!" She yelled, and slammed her hoof against the mirror in front of her. To Rainbow's shock, it turned out that the window was actually a door that opened outwards. The handle she'd been looking for must've been on the other side! But then a new horror filled Rainbow Dash; in front of her, on a rack, was Fluttershy's skin, neatly laid out as though it was the newest fashion wear. Pink mane and all. Rainbow Dash screamed, her mind trying to shut out the reality that presented itself to her.

"Is it really that dreadful?" Rainbow Dash now noticed Rarity, who had a concerned look on her face.

"Dreadful?!" cried Rainbow Dash. "You monster, it's…" And then she took another look at Fluttershy's skin.

Rarity walked up to her. "Monster? Even Fluttershy didn't think it was that bad when I showed it to her."

Rainbow Dash walked over to what she'd previously thought was Fluttershy's skin. On closer examination, it wasn't that at all. What it really was a nearly full-bodied outfit with a design obviously based on Fluttershy's delicate appearance, with an airy feel to it.

"That's…" Rainbow Dash muttered.

Fluttershy joined her by the outfit. "Isn't it fabulous? I told you Fluttershy made for great clothing! A few diamonds and this will be all the rage in Canterlot! I had an idea recently, you see. I noticed how natural beauty is sometimes the greatest beauty there is (Though a gorgeous gown always helps to supplement that beauty!), so I thought, well, why not try incorporating that feeling of au natural into my clothing line? And… Voila! I'm making a whole line of clothing based after my five most esteemed companions in Ponyville! What do you think?"

Rainbow Dash stood in shock for a moment. Then she began to laugh. "Geez, Rarity, you scared the hay out of me! First I'm talking to you in the street, next thing I know I wake up in a house of mirrors!"

Rarity flashed a smile, looking embarrassed. "Yes, sorry about early. I was a bit angry with your lack of care concerning fashion, and when I tried to get you to smell some of my favorite perfume, I by mistakenly grabbed a bottle of a potion I got from Zecora. As for waking up in the room of mirrors, well… I knew when you woke up, you'd want to see how fabulous of a cleaning job I did! Well, I thought you'd be excited..."

"You kidding me? You did an awesome job! I'm not going to need a bath for weeks! I've never been so clean in my life! But you said I couldn't escape from the room. What's up with that?"

"Darling, I was joking. Didn't you hear me laugh?"

"Oh, duh! Sorry, Rarity!" How could Rainbow Dash ever think bad thoughts about her good friend? "So how's the 'Rainbow Dash' style coming along?"

"Oh I can't wait for you to see the work I've-"

Author: Stop! Switch to script! Dear Princess Celestia, what am I doing wrong?
Rarity: Don't be too hard on yourself, dear. After all, it is difficulty to fully encompass the beauty and grace that is Rarity!
Author: Correction, it's not what I did wrong; it's what you did wrong. What the hell happened in the end? You and me discussed before hand you were going to be using the victim's skin as the clothing, not just basing the clothing off the victim's appearance! You know how awesomely gory that would have been?
Rainbow Dash: (dryly) No, tell us.
Author: Oh, um… I suppose an… 8 out of 10? Maybe…? Come on, you're a rip-off of Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs! It's foolproof!
Rarity: Yes, well, I know that we discussed all this before the performance, but then I got to thinking about it, and I came to the conclusion that it really doesn't suit my character.
Author: Crap, not the character argument again… This whole 'staying true to the original character' is going to keep biting me in the ass, isn't it?
Rarity: I mean, I can't stand a teensy bit of dirt. What makes you think I'd be fine with blood spurting all over the place? I could get some on my precious mane!
Author: …Huh. I'll admit that's a decent point...
Rarity: Also, why would I ever use pony skin as a material to make clothes? Even if I was 'insane', wouldn't I still have all my knowledge about making clothes? Skin is hardly elegant, and though fur is long lasting the skin is not. And this isn't even fur! You don't use pony hair for clothing!
Author: What do you want me to do? Make a gore story about not being gory?
Rarity: In any case, I decided that instead of doing such a ghastly thing as turn skin into clothing, I'd develop a new, highly fashionable line of clothing instead! I call it, 'Equestria Girls'! I've already set up a fashion show if you want to come! Here's your ticket!
Author: I'm so happy for you. And I'm sure the readers love being screwed out of a gory story… Oh, and I'll think about showing up. Maybe.
Rarity: Fabulous!
Rainbow Dash: And I know I kind of brought up this point last chapter, but why is it, in your version of the story, Rarity is just carrying poison perfume around?
Author: Hell, I don't know, maybe…
Rarity: And what's with that room of mirrors? Why would I ever have one when it's far more efficient to use a half circle like any regular clothing store?
Author: Hey, half-circles aren't exactly creepy…
Rainbow Dash: And why am I going to a beauty salon to get cleaned off? My house is a freaking cloud, aka made of pure water molecules.
Author: Look, if you're gonna nitpick…
Twilight: And if I may interject, skin naturally dries and withers over time, at least considering the lack of tools to preserve said skin…
Author: NO! Everyone just SHUT UP! Just… (sigh)… End story…

Once again guys, I'm so sorry this didn't go as planned. Ponies. What're you going to do with them? Anyway, the good news is I still have a good four ponies to work with. Tune in next time for the insanities of Rainbow Dash! Please review, but only so you can tell these stupid ponies that no one likes these wimpy endings! I mean, everyone wants gore, right? Right?

Rainbow Dash

Welcome back, gore fans. Are you ready for today's horrortastic experience? I'm going to assume you said yes. Anyway, today's maniac of choice is… Wait, hold on a second.

Author: Script mode! What is it Rainbow Dash?
Rainbow Dash: Author, I know you've been pretty peeved lately with how things have been turning out, but there's no need to fear! Rainbow Dash is here!
Author: Fear is all I'm experiencing now. So, what did you have in mind for your crazy spree? Are you going to give everyone freaking hugs or something?
Rainbow Dash: Hugs? Bleh! Rainbow Dash doesn't give out hugs! What I'm going to give you is lots of gore! Blood spraying, ribs cracking, the whole works!
Author: Well, gee, that's just… Wait, really? That's great! Finally, a pony who understands what I'm doing! So, I was thinking about how you should be crazy…
Rainbow Dash : Brony, just leave it all to me! You take care of the writing and the plot, and I'll handle all the gore and stuff!
Author: Sweet! Alright, let's get this show underway! (Claps hands)
Spike: Your classy spinner, sir.
Author: Thank you. I got a jade and an emerald, take your pick.
Spike: Both? (Sheepish grin)
Author: (pause) Why not? I got more. Now, for the spin! (Spins spinner) It's… Ah hell, Rainbow Dash. Again.
Rainbow Dash: But I'm the designated villain for this episode, I can't scare myself.
Author: No problem, I'll just give it another spin, and… Rainbow Dash. Why, oh why… Wait, idea! Spike!
Spike: Um, yeah?
Author: You're Rainbow Dash now!
Spike: B-b-b-but, I can't be her! What if she gets…?
Rainbow Dash: I'm not going to be angry!
Spike: I don't want to be the victim! I'm just a baby dragon! I have so many years I haven't lived yet!
Author: Guess what? Don't care.
Spike: But I have no idea what…
Author: Start story!

"…Rainbow Dash will do to me." Spike looked around, confused by how he was now in Twilight's home. "Oh man, I'm in the story! What if Rainbow Dash is hiding around the next corner?" Spike slowly tiptoed around the house, warily glancing around bookshelves and doorways, as though a mass murderer was going to leap out and stab him to death. "She could be anywhere…"

Just then, a great and powerful voice boomed down from the heavens, a voice belonging to a being wise and powerful, a being absolutely flawless. It said; "Dude, Spike. Stop freaking breaking the fourth wall. Tell you what, just roll with it, and all give you a big old diamond when we're done, alright?"

Spike thought this over for a second. He sighed. "Okay. I'll go along with it."

Spike took a step out the front door, and was greeted by a curious sight. Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash seemed to be in a race, zooming through the sky at breakneck pace. At least, Rainbow Dash was. Fluttershy was far slower, taking her time.

Rainbow Dash looked back over her shoulder. "You can't catch me!" she laughed. "I'm the fastest flier in-" Her sentence stopped short, as did she, as she flew smack into a pole. Her taunting had been her downfall. She hit the ground with a thump, while Fluttershy slowly passed her, not to mention also passing the finish line.

"Better luck next time." Fluttershy called out softly. But Rainbow Dash couldn't hear these words. She could only hear the laughs of the assembled ponies that had been watching the race. Cries of "Equestria's worst flier" and "can't win anything" were among the few hurtful things that echoed through the town square. Spike watched as Rainbow Dash began to sob, tears of embarrassment and shame flowing from her eyes.

"Please, everyone, be nice!" Fluttershy tried to calm the rowdy gathering, but her tiny voice couldn't stop the cascading waves of insults.

Spike also watched as Rainbow Dash seemed to snap. Her tears halted suddenly, and were replaced with pure rage. For a mere moment, the un-distilled anger shone, but then was blanketed under an expression of nothing, a mask covering her true feelings. Spike began to run over to Rainbow Dash. Maybe he could try to comfort her. But Rainbow Dash had already taken flight. She headed over to Fluttershy and whispered something in her ear. Fluttershy nodded, and Rainbow Dash was gone. The target of their insults gone, the crowd dispersed, leaving just Spike and Fluttershy.

Spike ran over to the gentle pony as she landed, and asked, "Is Rainbow Dash okay? I mean, she seemed pretty angry. What'd she say to you?"

"Oh," Fluttershy frowned. "Rainbow Dash was really upset. I understand, since she lost to me, and I'm not very fast… You know how much Rainbow Dash wants to win anything she does. She just told me to come over to her house. That we were going to play a little game."

"That sounds like fun!" Out of nowhere Applebloom appeared. "Great race Fluttershy! I thought Rainbow Dash was gonna win, but that just proves you shouldn't count your chickens till they hatch!"

Fluttershy smiled in that nervous way she always did. "Thanks Applebloom. But really, Rainbow Dash should've won. I just got lucky…" Then Fluttershy's face lit up, an idea seeming to pop into her mind. "I know! How about you two come with me to help cheer up Rainbow Dash? I'm sure what she really needs is some friends right now!"

Applebloom bounced with joy. "That sounds like a great idea!"

Spike gulped. "I dunno Fluttershy… Rainbow Dash seemed pretty angry. Maybe we should give her time to cool off…" Thoughts of the promised diamond entered Spike's mind. How could he resist fulfilling his end of the bargain when a wonderful prize was the reward, especially a prize from such a mighty, wonderful, fantastic…? "Okay, okay, I get the point. Let's go."

"Rainbow Dash?" Fluttershy called. The door into Rainbow Dash's house was open when they arrived. "Anyone home?" Spike and Applebloom followed Fluttershy through the dark rooms of Rainbow Dash's house. "C'mon, Rainbow, where are you?" The trio entered another room, this one empty except for a single bench, and two doors, both directly across from each other. And as they entered the room, the door behind them swung shut.

"Um, Fluttershy?" Applebloom was anxious, now, glancing around nervously. "Is this how Rainbow Dash normally treats her house guests?

"I am freaking out." Spike muttered. What was Rainbow Dash planning?

All Fluttershy said was, "Oh no… Not again."

The door opposite from where they entered slammed open, with Rainbow Dash standing in the doorway. "Well, Fluttershy. Good freaking job in the race. I'm so," her eye twitched. "Happy for you. You want a Celestia-damned muffin?"

"Rainbow Dash, please…" Fluttershy whimpered. "You know I hate this… I thought it was a different game, I thought you got over this…"

"You're LUCKY you got out alive that time!" Rainbow Dash snarled. "This time, we're playing to the death…" Her gaze shifted to focus on Spike and Applebloom. A smile enveloped her face. "Well, well, well… I can have even more fun."

"NO!" Fluttershy positioned herself in front of Applebloom and Spike, taking a protective stance. "I won't let them play your sick game!"

"I'll… I'll go." Spike looked over at Applebloom, who began trotting up to Rainbow Dash.

Rainbow Dash grinned, narrowing her eyes as well. "Isn't that cute. Well Applebloom, I'm afraid this game is… Let's just say it's rated M for Mature. But I think you'll be just fine."

"You don't have to do this!" cried Fluttershy. Then to Rainbow Dash, "At least let us come in with her!"

"No. No help." And with a final jeer, Applebloom and Rainbow Dash disappeared as the door swung shut.

Fluttershy slumped to the ground, starting to cry. She's not going to help me get out, thought Spike, and he tried the door they entered from. No matter how hard he tugged at the handle, it wouldn't budge. "Come on!" he yelled.

"It's no use…" whispered Fluttershy. "Even if you were to get out, Rainbow would find you, and still make you play… That game."

Spike walked over to her taking a seat with her on the ground. Spike had to proceed carefully. Fluttershy already seemed like a broken pony, and he didn't want to go smashing the pieces. "What is this… game?"

"It's… horrible. One of the worst things I've ever experienced. I barely survived last time I played it with Rainbow Dash, but that was barely… I didn't want to say anything. Even afterwards, she was still my friend. Dashie assured me she'd gotten better. She'd moved on…" Horrible screams came from the next room. Spike couldn't help but shut his eyes, as though that would stop the noise. Oh poor, Applebloom… Spike thought. She was so young… So full of life… A final scream echoed, and then the door slowly opened.

"She went down quickly. It's not easy to crack ribs, but I think I heard at least 5 snap…" Her gaze turned to Spike, an intense gaze. "You next, kid?"

"No…" Fluttershy stood up. "I won't let you force him to play your sick game… If I win, will you promise not to play him?"

"Sure. I won't lose."

Fluttershy gave Spike a final, nervous smile, tears still flowing from her eyes. "Wish me luck…" And she was gone.

Spike was alone. So utterly alone. Sitting in the corner, he curled up, wanting the world around him to disappear. For everything to go back the way it was… Of all the ways he'd imagined himself going, death by Rainbow Dash was pretty low on the list. More screams and crunches came from the neighboring room. It seemed like an eternity passed as Spike sat there. Fluttershy was fighting, not just for herself, but for his life… Hey, she won once, maybe she could win again?

"My heart!" came the shrill cry, and all fell silent.

The door slowly, so slowly, opened. Spike looked up from his corner. "Fluttershy…?"

"Sorry, kid." Rainbow Dash strode slowly into the room. "She put up a good fight. But I've played this game many times; I'm practically a licensed killer." She laughed. "I have to win Spike. I NEED to win. If I don't…" A moment of silence. "You're next."

Spike followed Rainbow Dash slowly into the next room. He was trembling. How could he beat Rainbow Dash at her own game? If only…"

"Wait a second." Spike stopped. The room he was in wasn't a place for death games, an arena of blood and guts. There was a large couch, positioned in front of a large, flat screen TV.

Rainbow Dash shoved something into his hands. "Pick your character, kid, but I got dibs on Noob Saibot!"

"No!" Spike took another look at the couch, which he now realized held the very much alive and well Fluttershy and Applebloom. It was Fluttershy who shouted. "His teleporting specials are so unbalanced! Spike won't stand a chance!"

"Come on, all he really needs to do is block at the right times! It isn't that broken!"

"But one mistake and it can be the end of the match right there!"

"Hold on!" Spike shouted. "Fluttershy! I thought you said we were going to play some sort of sick game? It's just Mortal Kombat!"

"Exactly! I hate this game! I'm a Street Fighter pony. The controls in this game are far too rigid. And some of the characters are way too broken." She closed her eyes. "When I first played this, I swore I'd never let any friend of mine experience this piece of trash…" She looked up at Rainbow Dash. "I thought you'd moved onto a different fighter game, Dashie…" Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes.

Spike hopped onto the couch smiling. "Speak for yourself, Fluttershy! I love this game! Oh, Rainbow Dash, I was pulling on the door in the other room, trying to open it, but I think it's stuck."

Rainbow Dash settled next to him on the couch, laughing. "You idiot, you Push on the door to open it; not pull!"

"Well, how was I supposed to know? Anyway, I'm being Johnny Cage! He's so cool!"

"Meh. He needs to be about…"

Author: Script mode. (facepalm)
Rainbow Dash: So? What did you think?
Author: … You tricky bastard.
Rainbow Dash: What? You wanted gore. What game is bloodier than Mortal Combat?
Author: … You were supposed to cause blood and gore amongst the OTHER PONIES. Not in video games!
Rainbow Dash: Well, be more specific next time!
Author: For the love of…
Spike: Can I have my diamond now?
Author: Here. Take your damn diamond.
Fluttershy: I, for one, was very confused. Why did you set all this in Rainbow Dash's house?
Author: It seemed like a logical choice.
Fluttershy: The house floating in the sky that only pegasi can get to?
Author: … It was her summer condo on the ground, okay? Happy now?
Fluttershy: (tears start to form in her eyes)
Author: What…? Oh, please don't cry! If you start crying, then I'll (sniff) start crying! Um… Rainbow Dash. You seem like a fan of horror movies and stuff… Why didn't you go axe crazy like I wanted you to?
Rainbow Dash: Not my style, brony! That's not-
Author: Staying true to your character. I know. (sigh)
Spike: I was kind of confused by the story too. How does Rainbow Dash have electricity up in a cloud? Even with the natural electricity from lightning (not sure how that would even work), she'd end up fried or something.
Author: Um…
Fluttershy: And why would I ever race Rainbow Dash? Sorry, but that setup seems a bit week…
Author: Hell, not his again…
Applebloom: And why didn't I have any lines at the end? I just sat there!
Author: Look, I…
Spike: And why did me and Fluttershy sit on the floor? There was a bench in the room.
Author: Hey, cloud flooring is comfy…
Fluttershy: I thought we were in her summer condo?
Author: Oof... I did say that, didn't I?
Rainbow Dash: Sorry author, but this just wasn't well thought out. I mean, the whole reason I go crazy is because I lose, right? But that's just stupid! I lose all the time, I'm not just going to freak out like that!
Author: …Heh. You ponies think you're so clever. Well the jokes on you, assholes! You think you're all high and mighty because you're poking holes in my plots… Well, it just so happens I purposely picked Rarity, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash for my first three chapters; it's so I could save the three craziest ponies for last! So enjoy this "love" and "friendship" while you can. Because soon, so soon, you'll see the true ugliness underneath those perky personalities! Ha ha ha!
Rainbow Dash: That's nice.
Author: … End story.

Okay. This was a little better. There was some… videogame gore. Yeah. Look, I know some of you may be annoyed at how this is playing out. I understand. Trust me; you're in for a treat next time! Fluttershy is gonna go all Flutter rage on these bitches! With all that repressed anger, we're sure to see some blood fly!

Fluttershy

I am so looking forward to this. I mean, I had to force the crazy onto the other three, but Fluttershy is a different story. I mean, her going crazy is pretty much canon. She almost freaking ate a squirrel! That's hella awesome! All I need is for a character to "not love her" and BAM! Gore and memes away! I'm brilliant! I'll be famous! Muahaha! Now, for today's victim…

Author: Script mode!
Spike: You want me to get the classy spinner, sir?
Author: No need, I already have it right here. And I'm trying something new…
Spike: Minor characters?
Author: Minor characters? Who cares about minor characters? Trust me, I know my audience, and bronies would NEVER make a big deal about some random pony in the background! No, I've noticed that the past three times Rainbow Dash has been the poor sap in the victim slot. So I want to perform an experiment. I tore off the spot labeled Rainbow Dash and mounted it on the wall over there. Now let's see what happens when I… (spins spinner) Hm. Alright, nothing surpri- holy crap!
Spike: The arrow flew right off! Where is it?
Author: It's… Great Celestia, you've got to be freaking kidding me.
Spike: It hit Rainbow Dash's slot on the wall!
Author: I don't know what to say… I guess Rainbow Dash is destined to be picked on in every gore fic ever written.
Spike: You could just handpick someone else.
Author: Shut up Spike. That's illogical. Anyway, I have to use Rainbow Dash. AGAIN. You know how freaking formulaic it's getting?
Rainbow Dash: Very.
Author: How'd you get in here?
Rainbow Dash: Here's what's going to happen; I'm going to end up upsetting Fluttershy, she'll give me something poisoned to eat. I'll wake up, be fearful for my life, and then the entire thing will just have been a misunderstanding!
Author: Except for the part about the misunderstanding, because I GUARANTEE the gore in this story, you're pretty much right. I need to switch things up a bit…
Rainbow Dash: You could, I don't know, just NOT do a gore story.
Author: NEVER!
Rainbow Dash: In fact, I'll bet you 5 human dollars that Fluttershy won't hurt even a fly!
Author: Deal. Easiest 5 bucks in my life! Okay… Everyone ready on set! Prepare the prose! Put Elizabethan language on stand-bye! We may need some olden words to up the drama if we're in a bind. Characters in their places, and… Start story!

"I. Love. Everything!" the soft voice sang, much to Rainbow Dash's chagrin. This voice belonged to her good friend Fluttershy, whom was at the height of her spirits, proclaiming her joy in an unusually loud voice. Rainbow Dash must've seen Fluttershy prance by a good bazillion times, a level that came close to matching Pinkie Pie. Fluttershy shouted, "I love all the animals in the world, big or tall, tough or mean, they're all just waiting for me to give them a big fat hug! I love them all!"

"Pfft." snorted Rainbow Dash, taking a drink from the glass in front of her. Her front side seat to this performance of happiness was an outdoors table of a café. "I don't get it," muttered Rainbow Dash, voice muffled as she also chewed on some hay fries. "How can she just love everything? You can like stuff, sure, but 'love' a rabbit? Even 'loving' a friend just seems weird." Rainbow Dash did admit to herself that maybe she was just thinking bitterly because of how sickeningly sweet Fluttershy was acting. After all, she'd "love" to be part of the Wonderbolts, and she "loved" a good race. If it was fine to love things, than animals were fine, right?

"Oh, Twilight, I love you so much!" Rainbow Dash nearly choked on her fries, head darting in the direction of Fluttershy, who was now talking to Twilight Sparkle. Did Fluttershy swing that way? No. Way.

"I love you too Fluttershy!" Rainbow Dash, who'd been drinking some more juice, now found that the juice that had been inside her mouth was now on the waiter's face, since she'd done a spit take at what she'd just heard. So was Twilight a player for the other team too? "Sorry…" Rainbow Dash said sheepishly to the waiter, who walked off in a huff, now on a quest to find a towel. But that was alright. All Rainbow Dash needed was a little time to think. Twilight and Fluttershy both gay? What were the chances? Maybe-

"Hi Rainbow Dash! I love you! You love me, right?" Fluttershy was now looking innocently at Rainbow Dash, an adorable little smile on her face that would cause those with weak hearts to explode from the highly concentrated adorableness. Rainbow Dash started, as Fluttershy had caught her completely unawares.

Alright, Rainbow Dash thought. I need to handle this situation carefully, and with a delicate touch. After all, I don't want to hurt her feelings. "Geez, Fluttershy, that's totally not me! Get it through your thick skull, I don't love you!" Rainbow Dash's jaw dropped. She could not have just said that. As Fluttershy's cheerful mood withered, and her joyous smile slowly turned into a miserable frown, Rainbow Dash looked to the heavens and cursed them for the stupid overused plot device that was invoked. And if the gods could have responded they'd have told her to shut up, and this was the last warning about the fourth wall that anypony was going to get.

"Fluttershy…" But it was too late. Fluttershy turned tail and fled, clumsily bumping into a big crate of hay as she rounded the corner, as though blinded by the tears that now ran freely from her eyes. She also managed to bump into Twilight, who seemed awfully confused. For a moment anyway. She quickly turned, an angry face now greeting Rainbow Dash.

Rainbow Dash knew she was going to get a thorough chewing out before all this was over. "Alright, what did you do?"

Rainbow Dash gave a nervous laugh, a feeble attempt at easing the tension. "Well, I, hah, funny story about that…"

"Rainbow…"

Twilight's glare was piercing, and it took but a second for Rainbow to cave in. She let out a quick torrent of words; "I was listening to you and Fluttershy say that you loved each other and thought you two were gay and then she said she loved me and I said I didn't love her and she started crying and ran off and you walked over and-"

"Enough." Rainbow Dash shut up. Twilight let out an exasperated sigh. "You idiot, we aren't gay! That was platonic love, not… How could you even think that? Ugh!"

"You mean…?"

"We love each other as FRIENDS. And when you said you didn't love Fluttershy, she probably took it as though you didn't like her at all! Now get over to her house, and apologize!"

"But…"

"NOW!"

This is so stupid… thought Rainbow Dash. After all, it wasn't her fault that Fluttershy was such a baby! She needed to grow up! And even so, Rainbow Dash was on her way to Fluttershy's house to offer an apology. Even if Rainbow Dash was opposed to Fluttershy's deficiency of… coolness, for lack of a better word, she was still Fluttershy's friend, and she'd never want to make her cry.

"Hello?" Rainbow Dash called out. She'd reached Fluttershy's home, which was oddly silent. Not the slightest tweet from a bird or scurrying of a squirrel could be heard. Rainbow Dash warily opened the front door and peered inside, where it was dark and cold. "Fluttershy, you in here? For Celestia's sake, why does it always have to be some dark house that I'm wandering into?" Gingerly she stepped into the house, making sure to close the door behind her. "Fluttershy?"

"Oh please. Come in." came an eerily sweet voice, muted in tone and overly polite. Unnatural almost.

Rainbow Dash could make out Fluttershy's figure curled up by the window, a tiny pitiable shape. And that figure slowly stood. "Hey Fluttershy, what's up? I just thought I'd fly over and say hey. So… uh… why's it so dark in here?" Rainbow Dash gave an award winning smile, though underneath the smile was a strange feeling of dread.

"Rainbow Dash, I'm so happy to see you. After all, you're supposed to be one of my best friend. Right? Right?" The sudden shout made Rainbow Dash jerk back, as if a snake had lashed out at her.

"Of course, Fluttershy. BFF's, heh…" Fluttershy turned towards Rainbow Dash, who could only make out an angry face in the dark.

"I don't think we're close enough Rainbow. After all, you said you didn't like me back in town. You tore out my heart. Don't you think it's only fair I tear out yours?" Fluttershy walked over to a desk, using her teeth to open one of the drawers.

"That's not fair, Fluttershy! I just made a little mistake, that's all. I didn't mean what I said…"

"Oh, I'm sure you didn't." Came a dry, cruel response. "I couldn't truly understand what you meant with this 'thick skull' of mine. Well let me tell you something…" Fluttershy abandoned, her search, turning around and shouted; "You're… Going… TO GIVE ME SOME RESPECT!" Pausing for a second Fluttershy seemed to think over her words. Then she added, "And love me." before turning back to the drawer where she continued to rummage through the assorted junk.

Rainbow Dash sighed. "C'mon, Fluttershy… You know you and me are cool, I've got a ton of respect for you!"

"Don't talk to me." A shrill voice filled with venom rang out. Fluttershy had finally found what she was looking for, and angrily whipped out a large pair of scissors, and slammed them onto the desk in such a way that one of the blades stuck in the wood, keeping the scissors standing up. Fluttershy began laughing, a laugh seeming border insanity. "Oh, just you wait, Rainbow Dash. I've always been of the belief the heart is where all of our love comes from. So if I cut yours out and keep it for myself, I'll have your love forever and ever and ever!"

Rainbow Dash took a step back in shock. Fluttershy was going to cut out her heart? How could…?

Rainbow Dash stopped mid-thought. This is so stupid. Am I really going to think that Fluttershy's a murderer? That she's going to cut out my heart? A voice popped into her head, saying, "Yes. Be scared and stuff! Don't you dare ruin this for me!" But Rainbow Dash blocked out the voice. She walked over to Fluttershy, who was by the desk. Now that she was close, Rainbow Dash could finally make out the tears that were making their way down the sides of Fluttershy's face, and that the angry expression Rainbow Dash had seen was more one of emotional pain. And on the desk? Sure, there was the scissors. But there was also a childish drawing, one of a heart, with Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash inside, smiling and holding hands.

"I just want you to like me…" cried Fluttershy. "I was going to cut out your heart, which I made myself…"

Rainbow Dash hugged her heartbroken friend, providing a loving squeeze. "Oh, Fluttershy, I love you like I would my own sister, and don't you EVER forget that!"

Fluttershy blinked, clearing the tears from her eyes. "Do you really mean that Rainbow Dash?"

"Of course, silly pony! I totally messed up earlier… We cool now?"

Fluttershy let out a little squeal of joy. "Of course we are! Best friend!"

Author: …
Rainbow Dash: Well?
Author: I don't know what the hell you're going to do with 5 dollars anyway. Name one place in Equestria that takes human currency.
Rainbow Dash: It's more the fact I won that's important.
Author: Yeah, well, good for you. Damn pony…
Fluttershy: You seem to be really upset about this… Do you need a moment? Can I do anything to help? I have some soup over in my trailer…
Author: NO. I don't need soup! What I need is for some stupid ponies to actually do what I say, and make a DAMN GOOD GORE FIC! I mean, it's like trying to work with gen 3 ponies! You won't freaking kill each other! Gah! This was supposed to be one of my three goriest fics, but you two had to ruin it!
Fluttershy: Oh, I'm sorry… What should I have done?
Author: What should you have done? Take the scissors, hack at Rainbow Dash's ribcage, and rip her heart out with your teeth! Maybe force the ribcage open with your bare hooves. Then, as Rainbow Dash stares down in her last few waking moments, you tear her heart out, exclaiming with the blood dripping down your chin that you finally have her love! Or to eat her heart out. Oh, that would be so bad ass… (Looks at Fluttershy) What's wrong with you? You've turned all white. What, not gory enough?
Fluttershy: Why… why would I ever do those horrible things? I want Rainbow Dash to be my friend, not to… to… kill her!
Author: Well, duh. You obviously have pent up anger issues. And Rainbow Dash has finally made you snap, causing you to go all violent. It's a brilliant character interpretation, if I do say so myself.
Fluttershy: You're just a… a big meanie!
Author: Wow. I'm hurt. Your torrent of clever insults has completely destroyed me.
Fluttershy: Really?
Author: No. Now, why don't we try this again from the top? Positions everyone…
Fluttershy: Even if we do it again, I'm still not going to hurt Rainbow in any way!
Author: Why the hell not? The motivation is there, the characterization is… arguably consistent.
Fluttershy: I won't do it because…
Author: Wait! Don't say it!
Fluttershy: Me killing Rainbow Dash is…
Author: Don't you DARE say it!
Fluttershy: Not true to my character.
Author: …
Rainbow Dash: Yo author? You okay?
Fluttershy: Your eye is twitching.
Rainbow Dash: And you have a creepy smile spreading across your face.
Author: Won't kill, eh? Not in CHARACTER, eh? Well, my little ponies, let me tell you, I'll have one of you die whether you like it or not! There will be blood raining from the skies, and organs exploding at will!
Rainbow Dash: You're crazy!
Author: I'm crazy? I'M CRAZY! I'm a college male that enjoys watching a cartoon for little girls! I'm not crazy! It's you ponies that are crazy, and that's why you're going to be the death of each other! In the name of all that is pony, I WILL MAKE AN ACTUAL GORE FIC BEFORE THIS IS OVER. MARK MY WORDS. (Maniacal laughter, along with thunder and lightning in the background.)
Rainbow Dash: Yeah, he's gone crazy.
Author: SHUT UP! You stupid ponies have pushed me to far… I'm going to have to do something drastic. Something so low and vile, that I can feel my very FINGERS attempting to avoid me typing this proclamation! I'm going to have to do a rehash… of cupcakes!
Fluttershy: That sounds lazy.
Rainbow Dash: Not to mention stupid.
Author: Oh you'll see… You'll all see! (Death stare at Rainbow Dash) So, Douchey McNitpick. Any problems with my story?
Rainbow Dash: Oh, well, I guess the gay part was out of place. And tasteless. Couldn't you have done something else?
Author: Ironic, this complaint coming from you. You know what? I don't give a damn. End. Freaking. STORY.

Pinkie Pie

Muahaha… MUAHAHAHA! This is it! Finally, the perfect gore fic is in my grasp! I mean, who could mess up a story about crazy Pinkie Pie? And what more, this is going to be a COMPLETELY original story!

Rainbow Dash: No it isn't.
Author: Wait, only I'm able to switch to script mode…
Rainbow Dash: You're just copying Cupcakes. This isn't original at all.
Author: Okay, so I'm doing a… "rehash" of the original story. It'll be a creative enhancement! And I plan to make this story perfect, worthy of being called a copy- I mean rehash- of Cupcakes! In the name of all that is writing, I'm going to hit every detail spot on!
Rainbow Dash: Whatever…
Author: Anyway, I'm soooo glad you're here… (evil smile)
Rainbow Dash: I don't like that look you're giving me. It's kinda freaking me out…
Author: I don't need any classy victim spinner for today. I already know the perfect victim… YOU!
Rainbow Dash: Oh really?
Author: Of course! You're the victim in every gore story! And there's not a single other pony who could possibly be the victim in Cupcakes than-
Rainbow Dash: I'm not doing it.
Author: … What?
Rainbow Dash: I'm not doing it. I've been the "victim", like, three times! Not even the victim, just the pony that gets freaked out and learns it's all a big misunderstanding. I'm done.
Author: What? No! Get back here! Don't you dare walk out on me! What do you think I'm- Oh wait, I'm not paying you… Crap. This certainly throws a monkey wrench in my plans… No problem! I can still do this! I just need a suitable replacement…
Rarity: Oh, hello author, I just wanted to see if you were going to RSVP to my fashion show…
Author: Rarity! You're the new victim!
Rarity: What?
Author: Spike!
Spike: Yes, sir?
Author: I want you on stand-by at all times for technical details. I want the entire thing going off without a hitch.
Spike: I'm on it!
Author: Alright, places everyone! I want this to be PERFECT. Vocab at the ready… Spike, you have that copy of Cupcakes?
Spike: Yes, sir!
Author: Did you read it, by any chance?
Spike: Yeah. I've read worse.
Author: Alright- Wait, what could be worse?
Spike: Ever read Agony in Pink?
Author: Oof. I hope you had an ample supply of brain bleach on hand.
Spike: It wasn't enough.
Author: Well, let's get started. Everyone ready? And… Start story!

The air was damp, the sun was blocked out by grey clouds which seemed to cover the sky, and everypony in Ponyville was spending the day indoors. The town square was mostly empty, since the heavy rain that poured from the skies prevented any pony from going outside.

Author: Damn, it… Spike! Why isn't the sky clear? It was supposed to be a beautiful, sunny day!
Spike: Hey, don't yell at me! Today was a scheduled rain day, go complain to the pegasi!
Author: But how am I supposed to have a contrasting element of joy and horror? It was sunny in Cupcakes, so it should be just as sunny here! Alright, no sweat… Only two things have gone wrong, I'll just use the weather to emphasize the tone, that's it! I'm brilliant!

All the pony folk were stuck indoors, including Rarity; she was cooped up in her workplace, but that was okay, as everything she could need to perfect her variety of dresses was there. She freely, and gracefully, moved from dress to dress, selecting ribbons and gems as carefully as a baker would select the ingredients in his recipes. Adding one touch and another, she swooped and raced throughout her workspace, in the zone, as it were. The white unicorn finished a regal dress, much to the delight of the… um… children? The power and freedom of making such fine gowns and outfits had Rarity all abuzz, and she practically was racing the wind as she rushed throughout the boutique. Rarity felt alive.

Suddenly, Rarity remembered that she had somewhere to be; she was supposed to meet with Pinkie Pie in five minutes. Rarity had gotten so caught up in her dress making that she'd nearly forgotten that Pinkie had asked to meet her at Sugercube Corner at three. Pinkie hadn't said why or what they'd be doing, but Rarity knew that with Pinkie, it could be anything. Rarity wasn't sure if she really wanted to go, though. She was so engaged with her dresses that she thought about blowing Pinkie off to continue stitching. But, Rarity's conscience got the better of her. She knew that it would hurt Pinkie's feelings; after all, Pinkie had said it was going to be something special just for the two of them. Rarity considered it and thought "No way. It's raining and miserable, and I'm sure my beautiful mane will be ruined!" But finally she decided to go. "No, I'm not going." She decided to go. "Not in a million years!" You're going! "No!" Yes! "No!" Oh, for the love of… Suddenly Rarity remembered that Twilight had… um… cast a rainproof hex on her, and it was perfectly safe to go out in the rain. "Fine." Rarity let out a huff. "I suppose I'll go…" What did she have to lose? Heck, it might be more pranking. "I hate pranks." … It might be more dress making. Pinkie might have found a bunch more… cloth to use, and they'd had so much fun the last time. Rarity walked somewhat more quickly than usual to make up for lost time and sped to her appointment.

When Rarity walked into the store, she was immediately greeted by her host, who was bouncing in excitement. "Yay, you're here! I've been waiting aaall day." said the jumping pony.

"Sorry if I'm a little late, Pinkie. I was designing some fabulous dresses." Rarity apologized.

Pinkie giggled and responded in a gleefully reassuring tone, "Oh that's ok, you're here now. What are a few more minutes? I've been sooo excited thinking about all the fun stuff we're gonna do, I haven't stopped bouncing since I woke up. I mean, I almost forgot to breathe I've been so happy."

Rarity gave a slightly uncomfortable laugh. She had always appreciated Pinkie Pie's friendly, outgoing way of life, but Pinkie's overabundant enthusiasm slightly unnerved her. Rarity maintained a polite expression, however. If Pinkie was this worked up, whatever she had planned must be good.

"So, you ready to get started, Rarity? I've got everything all ready," the pink pony said.

Rarity psyched herself up. "Indubitably, Pinkie Pie. So what do you have on the agenda? Are we going to design some Canterlot style gowns? I've a few designs in mind modeling the Equestrian upper-class. Or maybe you've got some French inspiration to try. I myself am rather partial to Stefano Pilati, though I suppose he's technically part of the modern Italian fashion, though I'd personally classify him with other French designers. Or perhaps…"

"MAKING NIGAU SEI!" Pinkie happily announced.

Author: Hold on, what the HELL? Spike, what happened to the cupcakes? This is a story based off of CUPCAKES! The title says CUPCAKES!
Spike: We didn't have enough to make the cupcakes! And we don't exactly have a budget…
Pinkie Pie: So I wanted to try another recipe that we DID have the ingredients for!
Author: And you picked…?
Pinkie Pie: Nigau sei! It's this tart-like thing that's packed in cigarette boxes and is sold in the small Chinese province of Sandakan! It's made with custard and brittle dough, with meringue on the top. Like a lemon meringue pie, only sassier!
Author: Is pony meat an ingredient?
Pinkie Pie: I don't see it here in the recipe…
Author: Whatever, it'll work. Keep going!

"Baking?" Rarity was disappointed. "Pinkie, you know I'm no good at baking. Remember last time?"

"Oh that's not a problem at all. I only need your help making them. I'll be doing most of the work," Pinkie explained.

Rarity thought for about it for a second. "Sounds messy. I think I'll pass." What was that? Rarity sighed. "Well, alright, I guess that's ok. What exactly do you need me to do?"

"That's the spirit. Here you go." Pinkie handed Rarity a nigau sei.

Rarity was puzzled "I thought I was helping you bake."

"You will be. I made this one just for you before you got here."

"So, is this is similar to a taste testing or something? Like a wine and cheese event?"

"Sorta." Pinkie said.

Rarity shrugged and daintily placed it in her mouth. She chewed extensively, noting the intricacies and flavors of the Chinese pastry. There was certainly a lemony flavor there, and definitely a level of tartness. There was a good consistency, and overall the lemon didn't overshadow the rest of the pastry, allowing all the flavors to intermix well. There was another flavor in there, but Rarity couldn't quite place it. Grabbing a plate from a nearby table, she spat out the pastry discreetly. "Now, how do we proceed?" Rarity asked.

"Actually," Pinkie Pie said. "I was kinda sorta expecting you to swallow it."

"Nonsense." snorted Rarity. "I'm not gorging myself like some pig. This is a taste testing, not some sort of food frenzy." Damn it… Eat it! "Just because you don't have manners doesn't mean I don't!" Look its part of the story okay? You can either stand there, and nothing will happen, or you can just shut up and eat the… the…

"Nigau sei!" shouted Pinkie Pie.

Whatever. So Rarity reluctantly took a bite out of the Chinese food thingy and swallowed it. "Alright, so can we finally get on with the baking?"

"If by baking you mean falling unconscious, then yes!" proclaimed Pinkie.

Puzzled, Rarity opened her mouth but felt instantly lightheaded. A wave of dizziness washed over her, the world spun, and seconds later she collapsed to the floor.

When Rarity regained conciseness, she found herself in a dark room. She tried to shake her head, and did so freely. Wait…

Author: Great Scott, why can't anything go right for once… What, did we run out of stuff to tie Rarity down with? Her head's supposed to be strapped down. Am I going to find that only her left foot is tied up next?
Spike: Don't worry author, only her head is free.
Author: Breath… Just breath… You can pull this off…

She struggled to move, but braces around her chest and limbs glued her to a rack, which was formed from a series of what felt like sturdy planks, which spread her legs wide apart. "Is that really necessary?" muttered Rarity. "I can except being tied down, but must there be so much immodesty? Save it for the shipping fics!" Oh, um, sorry. She struggled to move, but braces around her chest and limbs glued her to a rack, which was formed from a series of what felt like sturdy planks, which spread her legs a little bit apart, but not to the point where anything sexual was implied. Rarity's horn was free to cast spells, so theoretically she could escape using magic, but… um… She forgot about her magic. Yes. As she writhed, Pinkie jumped suddenly into her line of sight.

"Goodie, you're awake. Now we can get started," Pinkie stated gleefully. She bounded into the darkness, and quickly reappeared pushing a small cart covered with a cloth.

"Pinkie, what's going on? I can't move!" Rarity said urgently. "No, I said it calmly." Rarity pointed out. "A real lady never says anything urgently. It's rude."

"Well duh, that's because you're tied down," chided Pinkie. "That's why you can't move. I didn't think you'd need to be told that."

"But why? What's happening? I thought you said I was going to help make nigow sy."

"It's spelt 'nigau sei'. And you are helping. You see, I ran out of the special ingredient and I need you to get more."

"Special ingredient?" Rarity was now breathing heavily. "Ahem?" I mean, she was breathing at a pace still regulated, but a tiny bit quicker, as any lady would. Oh, and she started to panic. "What special ingredient?"

Pinkie giggled and responded, "You, silly!"

Rarity's eyes widened, and her face contorted in fear. Then she started to laugh and said, in a voice that hinted towards hysteria, but still maintained grace and elegance like any lady would retain (I can't believe this stupid description I have to use…), "Oh my, you really got me there, Pinkie pie. I mean, tricking me in to thinking I'm going to become an ingredient in a nigau sei? That is, without a doubt, one of your finest pranks yet. You succeed, you're the best."

Pinkie only giggled even more. "Aw, thanks Rarity. But I haven't done any pranks today, so I can't accept your praise."

Rarity was struggling again, gracefully. "Pinkie, I must ask you to desist from your alarming comments, this now lacks any humor it once held!"

"Then why were you laughing?" Before Rarity could answer, Pinking grabbed the cloth and whipped it off the cart. On the cart was a tray containing a variety of… oh no… a variety of… of… feathers.

Rarity stared oddly at the feathers, before the horror suddenly dawned on her. "No, Pinkie Pie!" she cried. I'm horribly, horribly ticklish. Pinkie Pie carefully selected a feather, choosing one of the biggest ones there.

"I got this one from an ostrich friend of mine!" Pinkie laughed. She started tinkling Rarity's hooves, which, of course, everyone knows is where ponies are most ticklish. Rarity burst into uncontrollable laughter, unable to stop as the feather continued to tickle her hooves. Pinkie Pie was in fits now too, the laughter from Rarity highly contagious. She soon was unable to hold the feather, and rolled onto her back, laughing too hard to continue.

"Can you let me off this table now?" Rarity asked, still laughing a bit. She hadn't laughed like that in a long time, and it felt good to let loose.

Pinkie Pie, between laughs, managed to gasp out. "Silly! Let yourself out! Look at what you're tied down with!"

Rarity examined the ropes that bound her more carefully, and, to her delight, she found they weren't ropes at all. "Licorice!" she cried out. She took a big bite, and happily started chewing. It wasn't long before she was free, and found that she hadn't been tied to boards, but large slabs of chocolate! Rarity giggled. "Care to help me finish this off, Pinkie Pie? We can't have this cluttering up the basement now can we?"

Pinkie Pie gave Rarity a warm, friendly smile. "You bet! Let's dig- wait!" Pinkie Pie now seemed concerned. "Something's wrong. My Pinkie-senses are tingling!"

Pinkie Pie: Script mode! Author, are you okay?
Rarity: Egad! He's white as a ghost! Somebody get him a chair, it seems as though he's going to topple over any second!
Pinkie Pie: Oh, oh! Maybe a nigau sei will help!
Spike: Maybe I'll just get him a glass of water.
Rarity: Here's a chair, dearie. Sit down before you faint!
Author:Ohhhh... OHHHHH...
Spike: Shhh! He's saying something!
Rarity: More like moaning. What a drama queen!
Author: I've failed. I'm a failure as an author… I don't even deserve to be called an author anymore…
Pinkie Pie: Oh, don't be so down about yourself!
Loser: That's more like it… All I needed to do was just stick to one basic plot, with one of the most exploitable ponies out there…
Pinkie Pie: Who? Rarity?
Loser: And what did I do? I screwed it all up… Nothing went right! No gore, no horror, no nothing!
Pinkie Pie: I thought it was a great story! I loved it! And Rarity did too!
Rarity: What? Oh, um… Of course I did! It was certainly tasty enough.
Loser: You're just saying that… Just… just tell me Pinkie Pie. What happened? This was supposed to be the piece that would make me famous, my piece de resistance, my magnum opus. And not a speck of blood in sight.
Pinkie Pie: Wait, you wanted me to hurt Rarity? Where did you get that idea, silly?
Loser: This. (Hands her copy of Cupcakes.)
Pinkie Pie: Let's see… (Whips out reading glasses and scans through.)
Loser: I never knew you needed glasses. And hey, slow down, let it sink in.
Pinkie Pie: I speed read in my spare time. And… pfft... (Starts laughing hysterically.)
Loser: Hey, what are you doing? You're supposed to be vomiting or something! The story is supposed to be unbearable! Horrifying! And you're laughing!
Pinkie Pie: Of course I'm laughing! It's unbearable and horrible, just like you said! The writing is decent, but the plot and characterization is so silly, that I can't help but… (Bursts out laughing again)
Loser: Okay, so maybe it isn't the best story in the world, but it's still terrifying! All the gore! The guts! You should be recoiling in horror from the images of Rainbow Dash's innards being strewn throughout the room! Okay, maybe not throughout the room, but…
Pinkie Pie: But that's why I'm laughing! It's such a ridiculous picture! (giggles) How am I supposed to take this seriously when its so over the top? Party decorations made of body parts? That's just silly!
Loser: Admittedly, it is over the top…
Pinkie Pie: Did you find it scary when you first read it?
Loser: Well, no. I mean, it's kind of hard to actually picture in my head all the stuff going on. It's not like I've seen ponies gutted and cut open before. Come to think of it, I actually had to make a real effort to be scared. It was so hyped up as being so awful and horrible that, well, you know what hype does to things.
Pinkie Pie: And that's why I'm laughing! It's just so ridiculous!
Loser: But… But it's a look into your insanity, a look into your psyche!
Pinkie Pie: No it isn't! I went a little crazy in episode 25. And did I hurt anyone?
Loser: Well, you did butt stomp Rainbow Dash's head.
Pinkie Pie: But it's not like I KILLED anyone. Come on, I want to party with all my friends! I don't think they'll be very much fun to party with if they're just hanging around my neck!
Loser: Are you going to say what I think you're going to say?
Pinkie Pie: This story is so funny because it's completely out of character! So cheer up, you don't need to call yourself a loser because you let us stick to our characters! I think that makes you a better writer that way!
Rarity: Indeed! Maybe you should refrain from writing anymore of these horrid gore stories.
Author: … I need time to think. I've been so deadest on writing a gore fic that was supposed to be scary, not funny… So much to absorb, ugh. I just need some time alone. Maybe a little break… Only one more pony to go...
Rarity: Author, where are you…? He left. Now what?
Pinkie Pie: Easy! END STORY!

Twilight Sparkle

Hey folks, sorry about the wait. I was busy helping Rarity out with that fashion show she's been planning, so I haven't had time to update. Actually, I just got back from the actual showing, and guess who I ran into? Hold on…

Author: Script mode!
Trixie: Can the great and powerful Trixie let her voice be heard to the masses, now?
Author: Yeah, you're live.
Trixie: Excellent! Allow the great and powerful Trixie a minute to advertise her new magic show, "Trixie on Ice", every weekday at 3 and 6 pm, standard eastern time-
Author: Hey, I'm just giving you a tour of behind the scenes. No advertisements in MY fanfic.
Trixie: Just like how there's no gore?
Author: Hey, low blow. (turns to reader) I should probably mention that Trixie has been reading my story. I guess she wanted to see the ponies she hates get the hay beat out of them, or something.
Trixie: They deserve Trixie's spite!
Author: We met up at the show, she asked for a tour of behind the scenes, and I obliged. Anyway, Trixie, over here is where I do all the narration for the story. I create the scenery, control actions, their outcomes…
Trixie: Hmm… A most curious form of magic. Can you control what a character is… thinking?
Author: Good question. I suppose so. I mean, as long as it isn't in quotes, I have control over it.
Trixie: Then why don't you just force those pesky ponies to do what you want? Trixie came into the story expecting a bloodbath, but Trixie left each chapter horribly disappointed!
Author: Yeah, sorry about that. The thing is, I want this story to be true to the characters. If I just force every action, it won't be a story about My Little Ponies; it'll be more like a bunch of OC's with the same names doing horrible things.
Trixie: Trixie thinks it would be a good idea…
Twilight: Author! Where are you?
Author: Over by the narration booth.
Twilight: Oh, hey, I'm ready to- What is SHE doing here?
Trixie: Trixie shares an equal amount of disgust!
Author: I'm just giving her a tour, Twilight.
Twilight: … Alright. As long as she isn't scheming something. Has she tried to pitch her new show?
Author: Yeah. I stopped her.
Spike: Sir, are you ready to begin the story?
Author: Ah, yes. The story. With the gore. That's totally going to be… in character.
(Awkward Pause)
Twilight: Soooooo… What's the plan? Or should I say the plot?
Author: …I don't know.
Spike: Maybe you need to take a break, sir? Do you need a bit of time to think it over?
Author: I just… Ever since last chapter, I… Screw it. I can't do this anymore.
Twilight: What! But what do we…?
Author: I don't give a flying Pegasus what you do! Just kill something! Or don't! I don't care! All I'm going to do is come up with some stupid, contrived plot, and you're going to end up not sticking to it! Spike, switch the narration to auto! I'm going to go make myself a taco…
Spike: (shrugs) Well, can't argue with the guy that gives me gems. I'll go turn the narration to automatic…
Trixie: You can do that?
Spike: Oh yeah. Some of the worst stories on the site were written because an author decided to step away for a sandwich while the narration was on auto. Those things can really act up sometimes. So now I'm just going to go and...
Trixie: Oh, don't worry about that, Speck.
Spike: Spike.
Trixie: Whatever. I'll take care of it for you…
Spike: Um, thanks, I guess. Alright Twilight, I guess you can do, well… Whatever you want.
Twilight: I guess so. To be honest, I probably wouldn't do anything, even if the author was here. It's not like I'm a pony that would go on a rampage or anything.
Spike: Well, there was that one episode of the show…
Twilight: Okay, so maybe I did overreact a little to being late.
Spike: A LITTLE? You were crazier than Pinkie Pie!
Twilight: A one time thing. It'll never happen again!
Spike: If you say so. I just hope once the author's done with this, he'll ship me and Rarity!
Twilight: Keep dreaming, Spike.
Spike: It's almost canon! It wouldn't even be shipping!
Twilight: Let's just start the story. I'm sure "the great and powerful Trixie" has managed to switch the narration to auto by now. Or maybe all she could figure out how to do is tie it up with some ropes.
Spike: Alright. So, usually the author does this. What do I do, just say, "start story"?

"I think so." replied Twilight. She looked around, finding herself inside her house. "I guess it worked." Twilight paced for a moment, reorganized a few books, and was finally stumped on how to progress. No plot meant no motivation. Perhaps if she wandered around Ponyville she could find something to do.

It was a beautiful, sunny day out in Ponyville. "How cliché." muttered Twilight. "I guess the auto-narration just goes with default descriptions." Twilight decided her first stop was going to be Sugar Cube Corner. After all, what could add more excitement to a unicorn's day than just five minutes with the overenthusiastic pony called Pinkie Pie?

As she entered the bakery, the small bell over the doorway greeted her with a little ring. "Hi Mr. and Mrs. Cake. Is Pinkie Pie in?"

The two bakers standing behind the register exchanged a nervous glance.

"She's in the kitchen." Mr. Cake answered. "But you should really come back later. She's in her… experimental mode."

"What, she's trying a new recipe?"

"…Something like that."

"Well, that doesn't sound too bad." And before either Cake could say another word, Twilight walked through the door that led to the kitchen and was greeted with the craziest sight. The kitchen was covered in splattered eggs, splotches of flour, and smooshed sticks of butter. And were those power tools lying on the table? Next to the sink was Pinkie Pie, and she was currently clothed in a leather apron and leather socks, with a large face mask for protection. She was holding what seemed to be a welder, and was hard at work baking her new treat. Or would that be forging her new treat? Twilight had to cover her eyes, the sparks given off by Pinkie's cooking being practically blinding.

"Pinkie!" Twilight shouted. "What in Equestria are you doing?"

The shielded face glanced over at her, and then switched off the device. Flipping the mask off, Pinkie Pie cried out in excitement, "Hi Twilight! Are you here to help me come up with the most super-mega-awesome-tastiest thing in the entire world?"

"Oh, well…" began Twilight, as the party pony bounced over to her, miraculously managing to miss the banana peels that were on the floor. Of a bakery. "Actually, I just came to see what you were up to, and now that I'm here, I'm still not sure what you're up to. What are you doing with that welder?"

Pinkie Pie grinned. "It's this great new idea I had! Since I've already tried out, like, a bajillion different recipe combinations, I decided to try different methods of cooking them! I'm trying arc welding right now, but pretty soon I'm going to give gas welding a whirl!"

Twilight was flabbergasted. Using welding equipment to cook muffins? That's stupid! Ridiculous! Preposterous! And- her eye twitched- illogical. Putting on a faux smile, Twilight managed to say, "Wow, Pinkie. That's so, er, creative. But don't you think there's a reason no one has ever used, you know, ARC WELDING to cook things?"

Pinkie Pie giggled. "Because no one's ever tried it before, silly!"

Twilight ground her teeth at the sheer idiocy of her friend. She'd never stabbed Pinkie with a knife before; does that mean she should try it now, just to see what would happen? Twilight would love to cut that brain of Pinkie's open right now, and figure out what the hell was wrong with- "Snap out of it, Twilight…" the frustrated pony thought to herself. "You don't really mean that… What, am I, going crazy or something? No way, I'm sane, perfectly sane!" Twilight began giggling at how funny it would be if she ended up going crazy. She! Crazy? Ha! And the laughter grew more hysterical even as she thought about it.

Pinkie, who was standing there just watching Twilight laugh, chimed in with her own chorus of giggles. "Geez, Twilight! You're really good with this gore fic stuff! You sound like you've actually gone insane!" Twilight froze mid laugh. "Look at me, I'm Twilight! Grrr! I'm gonna eat you up for stew, om-nom-nom-nom!"

In soft voice, the now solemn pony whispered, "I'm sorry, Pinkie Pie, but I really need to go."

She walked briskly out of the kitchen, with Pinkie Pie calling out from behind, "Did I say something wrong? I broke the 4th wall by accident again, didn't I? Oh my gosh, the author told me not to do that, even though the 4th wall for this entire fic HAS been pulverized into little itty-bitty pieces anyway, but…" Twilight didn't stay for the rest.

She walked without knowing where she was going, as though trying to escape from something, trying to escape from her own thoughts. "I'd never do anything to harm Pinkie. Would I?" The image that Twilight had envisioned was clear as day; the pink pony strapped to a table, having just been anesthetized. And she was there. Holding a scalpel, ready to cut Pinkie open and see what was wrong. What was illogical. And with a quick cut , Pinkie Pie would be normal. She wouldn't jump around, wouldn't talk fast, or come up with ridiculous ideas. And that pesky "pinkie-sense" would be gotten rid of. All would be right in the world of science. It would be beautiful…

"No, no, NO!" Twilight shouted. Ponies passing by looked her way, and all she could do was offer them a sheepish grin and an apology.

She turned back to her own thoughts, which frightened her. Pinkie was right; she was starting to seem like that crazed lunatic the author desired.

Twilight shook her head. Pinkie Pie just got on her nerves. That was all. After all, that zaniness the part pony had was what made her special and unique. Did she really want to change that?

Then the thought entered Twilight's mind; yes.

She didn't have time to reflect on that last thought, since Twilight (who hadn't really been paying attention to where she'd been going) ran right into Fluttershy, who was rounding the corner. "Oh my! I'm so sorry!" gasped Fluttershy. "I hope you're not hurt!"

"No, I'm fine…" Twilight groaned as she stood back up, rubbing a sore spot on her head. "I wasn't paying attention. It was my fault."

"Are you sure? I have some soup back home that would make you feel so much better!"

"Soup? For a bruise?" Twilight's eye twitched. "That's completely illogic-" She caught herself. Forcing a smile, Twilight said, "That's very thoughtful of you, Fluttershy. But really, I'm okay." But really Twilight's mind was racing. "I have to get back to the home!" she thought. "Before I end up hurting someone!"

"Are you okay? You look like you've seen a… gulp… dragon." Fluttershy glanced around herself in fear, as though there really was a dragon just lurking around the next corner.

"I told you, I'm fine! I just want to go home and rest…"

"Then at least let me accompany you! It's the least I could do!"

Twilight groaned. "Fine." And as they started walking, Twilight couldn't help but be bothered by her shy companion's every twitch and overreaction to the slightest thing. A shutter suddenly swung open and Fluttershy jumped, a pony randomly yelled and Fluttershy squealed, she saw her shadow and hid. What was wrong with Fluttershy? If Twilight could have her way, she take a pair of scissors and with a neat snip-snip, Fluttershy would be fearless! It would be so easy…

"Not again…" whispered Twilight. These thoughts seemed so foreign; she failed to see how her own mind could fabricate them. She was under pressure, that's all. It'd just been a stressful day. She wasn't crazy. All she wanted to do was to fix her friends. What was so wrong with that? "But there's nothing wrong with them…" Twilight quickly filled her mind with thoughts of Rarity. She was normal. Or was she? Always obsessing over clothes, taking pride in materialistic things… And that case of automysophobia- fear of getting dirty- was practically a clinical case! Twilight would be doing her a favor! "I don't really want this… Rainbow Dash! She's normal!" Rainbow Dash's overconfidence and bravado- it was sickening. Showing off at the slightest opportunity, it's as though the "fastest pony in Equestria" had an inferiority complex, and was trying to make up for it. Twilight was modest, and the idea of bragging was childish and stupid. Rainbow Dash could use a little help. "Applejack…?" Twilight whispered. Applejack. Always so persistent, attempting to do things alone that can't be done. Her behavior is illogical, foolhardy. Of all the ponies that are my "friends", she's one of the worst offenders.

"Twilight? Twi?" Twilight blinked her eyes. She looked up at Fluttershy, who was standing next to the door to Twilight's house. "We're here. Are you sure you're okay?"

You can fix her.

"Yeah I'm fine."

You can make her logical.

"But…"

You can make her normal.

"Maybe you can come in for a second?"

Fluttershy let off a heart melting smile. "Sure Twilight! Anything for you!"

Together they walked into the tree-like house, with Fluttershy a little ahead of Twilight.

She won't just let you do it.

"I don't want to become the monster I hate…"

You aren't a monster. You're just going to help her. Make her better. You're going to be her savior.

"I love your home, Twilight! Did you rearrange your books recently?" Twilight picked up a large, thick book entitled "Pony Biology" using her magic. Fluttershy turned to face her. "Oh, what's that book you got there?" The gentle pony's face turned from fascination to horror as the book came hurtling at her, and with a sickening thud, Fluttershy was knocked unconscious.

Twilight stood over the still figure of her friend. Thinking quickly, Twilight moved a nearby table over and lifted Fluttershy on top of it, setting her down gently. Fetching several ropes from a closet, she firmly secured Fluttershy, making sure she couldn't move a single muscle. Running to a nearby closet, Twilight flung the door open, and inside was a tray covered in operating equipment, all ready for the procedure. It's as though Twilight had known she'd be... "working" on her friend. She took the tray out and set it on another table, which she moved closer to the one Fluttershy was on. Grabbing a syringe, Twilight filled it up with an extremely strong anesthetic. It wouldn't put Fluttershy to sleep, but she was guaranteed not to feel a thing for a couple of hours. "As long as she doesn't wake up, this should be just fine."

"Ohhhh…" moaned a now conscious Fluttershy.

"Oh, um, Fluttershy…"

The restrained pony tried moving her limbs, but found herself held fast in place, and panic made her eyes go wide. "Twilight? What's going on? Did I do something wrong?"

"Just… hold still for a second." Not that Fluttershy really had a choice. Out of the corner of her eye, Fluttershy saw the needle and writhed around even more. The ropes held.

"Twilight, whatever I've done to you, please, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Really, I'm soaaAAHHHH!" Fluttershy let out a cry as the needle pierced her delicate skin. Tears started to run as she broke down into a sob.

Twilight could feel her stomach doing back flips. "Please don't cry… This is all for the best. I'm just trying to help you! You're always so scared, so I'm just going to go into your brain and, well… do a bit of operating. You know how you're so nervous now? Soon you won't be afraid of anything." Twilight thought she should give Fluttershy another whack on the head to knock her out. There was nothing worse than a conscious patient during an operation, especially during brain surgery. But a sinister voice in the back of her head whispered no. Let Fluttershy be awake to witness her glorious transformation.

"You can't do this!"

Twilight's mind had wandered, and the cry snapped it back towards the matter at hand. "What do you mean I can't? I'll just remove some skin and bone at the base of the skull, and with some delicate maneuvering I'll cut a section out of your amygdala. That's the area of your brain that controls your emotional reaction to previously conditioned stimuli, and generally functions as the area that controls emotional behavior. Such as reacting with fear when there's lightning. It's actually quite fascinating…"

"NO! I believe you can do it… And that's what scares me!"

I don't need to listen to her… I can just start the surgery. "… Elaborate."

"I know I'm always scared and shy, but I wouldn't have it any other way! I like myself just the way I am, scaredy-cat and all!" Fluttershy gulped, and in a shaky voice added, "And if you're my friend, you'd like me just the way I am too…"

Twilight shrugged off her friend's message. "Oh, Fluttershy…" She SHRUGGED OFF the message. Reaching for her tray of tools, Twilight grabbed a black sharpie. She began marking the area where the skin would be cut. She needed to be very careful on the matter, as the amygdala, a part of the limbic system, was located inside the brain. She may need to cut through the cerebral cortex or the cerebellum to reach it. Granted, there may be some brain damage…

Fluttershy let out a whimper. The anesthetic coursing through her body hadn't taken full effect yet, and she seemed to feel the coarse marker scratching against her neck.

"I can't do this…" muttered Twilight. She returned the marker to the tray. "Fluttershy's my friend! I can't hurt her!"

But you won't be hurting her. She won't feel a thing.

"That's not the point! I can't just hide behind science and facts! I'll scar her for life… She'll probably be left brain dead… I've never even done something like this before. I don't have the right equipment! What if I do something wrong?"

So what? You're helping her.

"Am I?"

Twilight picked up her scalpel from the tray, and moved towards Fluttershy. The bound pony had stopped moving, as though she'd dropped unconscious again. But her eyes were very much alive, and they looked up at Twilight with both fear and helplessness.

"Friends are something you treasure for who they are. Even if they're shy, or boastful, or just plain wacky, it's important to except them as is and embrace their differences."

What is this, a friendship report? Slice her open already!

"No! I won't!"

But… But… you hate illogical things! Everything has to make sense! Fluttershy's afraid of her own SHADOW!

Twilight's hoof rose, and was visibly trembling. The scalpel was razor sharp, and could easily cut through Fluttershy's skin with the slightest prick.

"I can't…"

Just get on with it!

"She's my friend…"

DO IT! The great and powerful narrator commands you!

"I-"

Author: Script mode. Hey Twilight, I'm back from my taco break, and… HOLY PARASPRITE, what the hell are you doing to Fluttershy?
Twilight: It... It's over? I'm out of the story? Oh, thank Celestia... I… I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me… Fluttershy, are you okay?
Fluttershy: …
Twilight: Please Fluttershy, say something!
Fluttershy: … I'm okay. Now that I'm not in the story anymore, I guess that stuff you, *gulp*, injected into me is gone...
Author: I am so incredibly confused. A guy goes to get a taco, and all hell breaks loose! What were you thinking?
Twilight: That's just it. When narration started, I started having these weird thoughts. And they grew more and more… Violent. I guess I really am crazy, huh?
Author: Huh... Wait a second. I don't think you're crazy. Far from it. Excuse me; I have a bitch to go slap. (Marches over to the narration booth, flings open the door, and drags out a surprised unicorn.)
Trixie: Why, author! Great to see you! I was just, um, cleaning up the narration booth for you! That's it!
Author: Well, thanks. It's also nice to see that, while you were in there, you managed to completely screw with my story. Nice going.
Trixie: Bah! So much for subtlety! You should be thanking me! I actually succeeded in making a gory story!
Author: ALMOST succeeded. It seems that, after reading over the story, Twilight Sparkle managed to keep the fic clean despite your intervention.
Trixie: If you hadn't barged in when you did…
Author: You'd have still failed. You know why?
Trixie: Don't you say it!
Author: It's because cutting up her friends…
Trixie: Don't you dare say it!
Author: Is not in Twilight's character.
Trixie: Gah!
Author: The funny thing is, it took me five failed attempts at gore fics to finally realize it.
Trixie: Pardon me while I gag at the mushiness of the moment…
Author: Well, you can gag all you want outside. Spike?
Spike: Yes author?
Author: Show her the door.
Spike: Oh, um, okay. Trixie, see that rectangular object built into the wall? That's the door.
Author: Spike?
Spike: Yes author?
Author: I meant get her out of here.
Spike: Oh. Right.
Author: (Turns to Twilight and Fluttershy.) As for you two, I'd just like to apologize for what happened.
Twilight: Hey, it's not your fault.
Author: Okay, maybe not, but I still feel really bad about this. Even worse, what are the readers going to think? At this point, the whole fic is basically a comedy. The reader's are expecting humorous fourth wall breaking by now! And what's this chapter? Crazy depressing! And even worse, my fic made Fluttershy CRY. I'll be shunned from the community forever! I'm positive it's illegal in, like, eighty countries to make Fluttershy cry!
Fluttershy: I'm sure they'll understand, author… I don't hold it against you. The readers can see what we're saying now, right?
Author: Yeah. But they've all probably stopped reading at this point…
Fluttershy: Then if they can see what we're saying, than they'll also be able to see this.
(Fluttershy trots over to the author and gives him a big, warm hug. Author, taken back at first, returns the hug.)
Author: You realize that the readers are going to think this is such a Sue moment, right?
Fluttershy: I don't care.
Author: And that this is such a clichéd self-insert type thing to do.
Fluttershy: I don't care. (She releases author.) Feel better?
Author: Well, besides my heart, which is now currently a puddle, I'd say that all is right with the world.
Twilight: I'd say you learned something today, didn't you author?
Author: Um, yeah. I suppose.
Twilight: In that case… Spike! Take a note! (Spike readies his quill.) Dear Princess Celestia… Well?
Author: … Oh no. We are not ending this fic like that.
Twilight: Please?
Author: This is even more cliché than the hug!
Fluttershy: Please?
Author: …Oh, son of a bitch, how do I say no to Fluttershy? Confound you, blasted pony, you're too adorable! Fine, you win... (Clears throat.) Dear Princess Celestia…
Spike: I already got that.
Author: Shut the hell up, Spike!
Spike: (Scribbling on the parchment.) Shut… the hell… up…
Author: Gah! No, don't write that! Just… turn it over and start a new letter! Okay… Dear Princess Celestia. Over the course of many chapters, I've finally come to the realization that sometimes it's not always a good idea just to have gore for gore's sake. Although a gore fic is great for a good laugh, or even for a serious read if the writer is talented enough, I shouldn't go into writing about cartoon ponies getting cut up expecting people to really be horrified. I mean, look at Cupcakes. I think it's hilarious! It's a SCREAM you might say. (Twilight hurls a book at author's head) Basically, if your going to have gore, maybe try to have a little plot to go with it? Sincerely, the author. Oh, and P.S, this can also apply to clop fics. P.S.S. Don't go looking up rule 34 on the web if you want to preserve your sanity.
Spike: What's rule 34?
Author: Twilight will tell you when your older.

End story. Well bronies, these terrible (literally) and not-so-horrifying tales have come to an end. Thanks for reading, and please review. And while the author in this story is not supposed to be a representation of me (This ain't no self-insert!), I'm going to be honest in that I really did find Cupcakes hilarious. Anyone else share the same sentiments? Anyway, thanks again for reading, and have a nice life!