Starlight was frantically flipping the pages of the books trying her best to keep her eyes open.
There had to be something!
She levitated another one and flipped through it. Nothing. She threw it to the discard pile, which was now reaching the ceiling of the castle.
“Starlight…”
“I know…” she said softly. “But I’m not going to stop until I find a solution.”
A hoof was placed on her shoulder and she turned around to face her mentor. Twilight looked at her, her eyes red from many restless nights they both had to endure as the bags under her eyes made her look much older than she actually was.
“Starlight… you need to sleep,” Twilight said calmly. “Leave everything to Luna, it’s her specialty after all.”
“No! It’s my fault Ponyville is in this mess, I have to help!” Starlight shook the hoof off her shoulder. “And it’s not like I would be able to get any rest. I’m actually surprised Spike hasn’t woken up yet.”
They both glanced at the dragon. He slept on one of the piles they left during their search, now in disarray from the constant thrashing he did while asleep. From time to time his snoring was interrupted with a distressed moan or mumbling.
“I should probably get him to bed,” Twilight said, trying to hide her grin. “As much as this looks ideal for me, I don’t think books make the most comfortable sleeping spot.” She brought Spike up into the air with telekinesis and put him on her back.
“I’m going to bed,” she declared and looked at Starlight worriedly. “Don’t stay up for too long.”
“You know I can’t promise that,” Starlight said softly as her mentor left the library. She picked up another book to examine it. She stayed in the library for what felt like hours, but she couldn’t be sure. Her lack of sleep made it difficult to accurately guess the passage of time.
She was about to give up her search when she noticed something from the corner of her eye. A dark blue cover with white lines decorating its edges. It looked like it fell from the pile Spike was sleeping on, it was even possible Spike was reading it when he fell asleep.
She picked it up and read the title. The Ancient and The Obscure. Starswirl's Encyclopedia of Unknown Magics, Re-translated by Dreamcatcher.
Starlight rolled her eyes at the overly long title. Those academic ponies always seemed like they had to compete for the longest title award. She flipped through the pages and smirked.
It seemed like Spike found the one book Starlight was looking for. Too bad he fell asleep on it. She took the book to the table and started reading the chapter about Dream Magic.
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Mind control
And
Charms
14. Dream Magic
We’ve talked about potions, spells and charms capable of forcing someone to do or feel whatever you want them to. For obvious reasons those spells are never actually taught, but there are a lot of controversial books that can teach you about them. As unfavorable as they may seem, they still are a core foundation of our understanding of Magic as a whole and thus the knowledge about them is required for any aspiring magician to learn about. There is but one thing that makes Dream Magic different from other forms of Mind Control.
Whenever you put a Mind Control spell on someone, or make them drink a love potion, you basically lock away their consciousness in order for them to become subservient drones. You can make them think, do or even feel anything you desire. The one thing Mind Control spells DON’T do, is taking hold of one’s subconscious self. Which has the side effect of the affected individual to still be aware of what is happening to them on a subconscious level. With a strong enough will the individual may even break free from Mind Control, but this is much easier said than done.
But Dream Magic is different. Instead of forcing someone to unconsciously do or feel whatever you want them to, it instead takes hold of the subconscious self. It doesn’t control someone outright but makes them feel things and actually believe those feelings are theirs. This form of Mind Control is very subtle and it doesn’t allow you to freely control the affected individual but it has the ability to completely change the individual personality-wise if done correctly, but it may also make the subject completely insane if done wrong. Since Dream Magic does not affect the consciousness of the individual nor their free will, the spell bears the risk of making them aware of their unnatural feelings, making them question their own feelings and individuality.
Because of the risks this kind of magic poses, princess Luna has outright banned the use of it, threatening with the promises of banishment if proven of consciously practicing this craft.
But I can already hear you asking, dear reader: what does it have to do with dreams?
And that would be a fair question. As princess Luna told me herself, our dreams derive from our subconscious. Your wishes, guilts and fears. Even if you are not aware of them, those feelings manifest into our dreams and nightmares, making us see them whenever we fall asleep. And considering what we talked about in this chapter already, that means Dream Magic has the ability to manipulate our dreams. For example, if someone decided to use it to plant a fear of heights into a pegasus’ subconscious, even if they are not aware of that fear, they will start avoiding flying too high up and may even have nightmares of falling to their death. And everyone knows how influential nightmares can become in our lives. If such nightmares continued for long enough, the hypothetical pegasus would soon stop flying all together to avoid their nightmares coming true.
As I stated before, this form of magic is outright banned because of how unreliable and dangerous it can be. Dear reader, if your drive for knowledge is as great as mine, I beg you to never pursue Dream Magic.
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Starlight flipped through the pages multiple times over, trying as hard as possible to find anything else about Dream Magic. But no matter how many times she looked, there was nothing. Not a single lead on how to perform any Dream spell, and not a single hint on how to undo the spell she cast.
Starlight slammed the book shut and threw it. It hit a wall and fell to the floor with the exact page she was reading from before open for her to see. Taunting her.
Starlight stared at the book intensely, as she took a few heavy breaths. This was crazy. Why was a simple book getting to her? If Twilight saw her, she probably would lecture her on proper book care.
“Ehem…”
Starlight froze. Speaking of the changeling. She slowly turned around to face her mentor. “Hiii, Twilight!” She said, a single drop of sweat flowing at the side of her face. “I thought you were going to sleep.”
Twilight didn’t answer. She just glanced at the book before looking at Starlight again. She sat down and with a nod urged Starlight to do the same.
“What’s wrong, Starlight?” She asked patiently, her eyes piercing through Starlight as if she could see her soul.
“Nothing,” Starlight answered, completely aware of how unconvincing it sounded.
Twilight shook her head. “It doesn’t look like it.” She shot another glance at the book. “No luck?”
“No luck… I’m starting to doubt there even is a way to undo the spell,” she said, her voice tense. “How are the others doing?”
Twilight chewed on her lips. “Applejack got injured doing farm work.”
“Oh no…” Starlight exclaimed. “What happened?”
“The same as everyone else. Lack of sleep, nightmares, and improper care while handling farm equipment because of it.”
“Is she going to be alright?”
“Definitely, she won’t be able to do hard labor for a while, but she’ll be alright,” Twilight reassured her. “I’m more worried about Fluttershy, she hasn’t left her home for days. I can't imagine how bad her nightmares had affected her.”
“Knowing how fearful she already tends to be, she can’t be handling it well.” Starlight looked down at her hooves. “It’s awful how much damage a single mistake can cause.”
“Good.”
Starlight jerked her head up to look at Twilight wide-eyed. “Excuse me?”
“It’s good you feel that way, it is your fault after all.” Twilight said as her face contorted into an abominable frown. “You always think things can be fixed with magic, yet you always forget how dangerous it can be!”
Twilight's body vanished leaving only the head floating as it split in two, transforming into the faces of her friends.
“I almost died while working, because of your spell!” The head of Applejack complained.
The walls of the castle fell down, leaving only darkness in their stead.
“I can’t even look at myself in the mirror, not to speak about seeing other ponies!” Rarity’s head confessed.
Then those two split again to become four, then eight, then sixteen. Each and everyone having something else to blame her for.
“Our flowers wilted because we couldn’t take proper care of them!”
“I can’t think straight enough to teach my students!”
“I’m afraid to even leave my house!”
“The pegasi can’t fly properly because of the nightmares!”
“All because of your spell!” The hundred of heads said in unison, before melting together to a single giant entity of Maud Pies head and she looked down at Starlight with her usual non expressive eyes.
“Because of your spell, I caused a cave-in that almost killed me.” She said before melting down into the shape of Princess Luna.
The Princess pointed at her. “Starlight Glimmer,” she said loudly and with authority. “Your malpractice in magic and breaking several laws has cursed Ponyville. For this sin, you shall be sentenced to banishment. Begone and do not dare return to Equestria!”
A tsunami of liquid darkness swept Starlight away as she pleaded. “No, please! I didn’t mean to! I never wanted this to happen! Just give me some time…. I can fix this… please…” she wanted to say more, but her screams died out as she drowned in the ocean of void.
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Starlight woke up gasping for air. Her coat was drenched in cold sweat as she looked around to examine her surroundings. She was still in the library, the stained glass windows dark because of the night beyond the walls.
She took a few deep breaths to calm herself. It was just a dream. Her own spell torturing her every single night. And she deserved every single second of it.
She looked at the book she threw before. The Dream Magic section wide open for her to see.
She sighed. She picked it up in order to put it back on a shelf But stopped midway. She realized the back board was thrice as thick as the front one. How didn’t she notice it before? The fall must have loosened an adhesive, since she could see that there was a hidden pocket inside.
She turned towards the door, listening intently to make sure no one was yet awake. She then proceeded to tear the fabric that bound the paper to the board. As she suspected, inside she found a note. As she spread it open, all she saw were endless strings of numbers sectioned of from one another in groups of three.
Her eyes widened, this was a book cypher! Each group of numbers corresponded to either a letter or a word inside a book. First number told the page, second told the line and the third corresponded to the word. Considering where she found the note, Starlight guessed the key to decrypting the cypher was the book.
But why hide the cypher inside the book in the first place? It seemed a little counterintuitive. If Starlight wanted to hide something, she would have kept the key to uncovering it as far away from it as possible. Did the owner want for someone to discover it? Then why did they use the cypher in the first place?
Starlight shook her head. If she wanted answers, she could try the cypher. It’s not as if she had any other lead on what to do with herself. She took the book and the cypher to a table and started writing the words she decrypted on a blank scroll.
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Twilight woke up dazed as she barely got any rest from her sleep. She didn’t know how much longer she could go on like this. Her sleep schedule wasn’t perfect before but those nightmares have made it even worse, something she didn’t believe to be possible.
She went down to the kitchen to make herself a cup of coffee, a new habit since a few days ago. She just hoped she wouldn’t keep it after everything was fixed. She went to check up on Starlight, walking through the hallways of her castle sipping on the mug from time to time.
She figured Starlight was probably still in the library, Twilight lost count how many time she herself fell asleep while researching something. She guessed Starlight had done the same.
What she didn’t expect however, was to see Starlight fully awake and reading a scroll intently. Twilight froze, wide-eyed at the scene before her.
“Starlight!” She exclaimed and Starlight flinched, startled by the sudden visit of her mentor.
“Oh, hi Twilight!” Starlight said slowly while smiling. “Did I wake you up? Or did the nightmares do it?”
“What are you talking about? It’s morning!”
Starlight looked at her confused, her eyes unable to focus on Twilight as she turned to look up at the windows. Light shone bright through them making it evidently clear it was daytime.
“Huh, I guess you’re right.” She said in a monotone voice, barely drowning out the sound of Twilight face-hoofing.
“Have you been awake the whole night?!”
“Of course not!” Starlight stomped. “I did fall asleep for a moment, but you can surely guess how that went!”
“Starlight…”
“But! But. Buuut…” Starlight interrupted her smiling madly. “I finally found it!”
Twilight’s ears perked up. “You found a way to reverse the spell?”
“Yes!” Starlight shouted. “Well… not exactly. But it’s the next best thing!”
Twilight squinted her eyes. That didn’t sound reassuring. “What did you find?”
Starlight showed her the cypher and the scroll with the decrypted message. “So basically I found this book. It was a translation of one of Starswirl’s academias. Inside the book I found this cypher written by the author, it seems he was learning Dream Magic and recorded all of his findings.”
“That seems… convenient…” Twilight said.
“Oh, but that's not all!” Starlight added. “The cypher contained instructions on Dream Walking, how it worked and what exactly dreams were! Dreams are just a by product of our subconscious entering a non-corporal realm! You know what that means, Twilight?”
Twilight looked at her with wide eyes. “That we can prevent dreams by stopping our subconscious from entering the realm of dreams…” she realized.
“Exactly!” Starlight grinned. “If I modify a bit the Dream Walking spell the princess always uses, I might be able to prevent myself from dreaming!”
“But what happens to you then?” Twilight asked, her voice tense. “Even if the theory is right, what happens to your subconscious then?”
“It will probably feel like I simply forgot the dream,” Starlight dismissed her. “The main thing is, all I need to do is to force my subconscious outside of the realm of dreams and the nightmares will stop!”
“But Luna is already working on a remedy,” Twilight reminded her. “It’s better if you just wait until she comes up with a solution.”
“But how long will it take?” Starlight cried out. “Another week? A month? Twilight, I can’t do it for much longer. It has to stop…”
Twilight looked at her dejected. She couldn’t stand seeing her friend in this state. Sleep deprived and desperate to grasp any chance to fix what she has done. She sighed.
“Starlight, let me just write to princess Luna,” She said. “It’s better if we consult her first on this matter. Can’t you wait just a few more days until we have discussed it with her?”
Starlight looked as if she wanted to argue, but her tiredness took hold and she nodded. “Good,” Twilight said. “I’ll write to her as soon as possible. And you better get some sleep, I mean it this time.”
Twilight smiled at her as she left the library, leaving Starlight alone in the middle of the room staring at her hooves.
She knew Twilight wouldn’t understand. She probably thought Starlight would make things worse if she tried again and this time it would be intentional. Starlight gritted her teeth as she took out a spell formula she drew up earlier.
Nobody wanted her to atone, now she was sure of it. She will show them that she can do things right. She closed her eyes as she started channeling her magic.
I’m sorry Twilight. She thought. But I have made up my mind.
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My spell worked. I was sure of it.
A saw no judgmental faces of my neighbors. I heard no accusations and no threats.
The spell worked. I was free from the shackles of the realm of dreams.
Where I was, I didn’t know. I was floating among the Nothing, unsure if my surroundings were very bright, or very dark.
As I swam in that void all alone, I’ve spent a long time thinking. About what? I don’t remember. How long? I couldn’t tell, as there was nothing to measure time with.
I did not understand. Where was I?
Was I moving at all?
I cried out. But I couldn’t hear anything. The silence was so deafening that I couldn’t even feel my own blood pumping through my veins, but I did feel it’s warmth all over my body.
Time stopped. Or maybe it was flowing faster? I’ve spent what felt like a millennia watching as my body adapted to the Nothing.
At first, I lost my eyes, for there was nothing for me to see.
Then, I lost ears, for sound did not travel in here.
I witnessed as I slowly lost my body to the Nothing, consumed like anything else that dared to exist in this realm.
It took my legs, for there was nothing to stand on.
It took my mouth, for there was no one to witness nor hear my screams.
It took my lungs, for there was no air to breathe.
It took my heart, for my feelings were the reason I suffered.
Organ after organ, rib after rib, it took my insides as I didn’t need them anymore.
It took my body, for there was no longer anything inside to protect.
The only thing that I still retained, was my mind, for my existence in this vast never ending nothingness, was naught but a thought.
I wasn’t. That was all I was. Unaware of my own existence, I just wasn’t. Unable to hear, see or speak for I didn’t know of those existence. Was I asleep or awake? What’s the difference??
Incognitus, ergo sum nihil.
I don’t think, therefore I am naught.
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Then suddenly, after over a millennia of my non-existence I witnessed something. I was made aware of shapes and colors that seemed familiar but I didn’t know.
There was something to witness in the void. And with that revelation, I began to feel.
It started small, it was but a tinge of yearning to… understand? Curiosity!
Then I felt cautious and apprehension of the new and unknown. I wanted to be as far away as possible from it. Fear!
The shapes and colors moved around, each time contributing to me feeling a new emotion.
And then… noise.
A constant humming drowned out by constant rhythmic sounds echoing through my mind. I couldn’t take it. I wanted it to disappear like my body did. To feed the Nothing and drown me back into my peaceful non-existence when I wasn’t aware of myself.
“This is all I can do for now”
A new sound…
“What happened to her?
Another one, the same yet completely different.
“She is alive, but her subconscious is almost completely erased. She is still there, but is unaware of her own existence.”
Please… stop. The noise…it’s painful.
“What does that mean?”
“It means she can see, but can’t perceive anything at all. It’s as if she has dozed off and can’t get back.”
Those noises, those shapes, make them stop!
“Is there a way to save her?”
“I managed to repair her subconscious well enough for her to be aware of sound and sight. She won’t understand anything for a while, but it should give her a higher chance of recovery.”
A new feeling arose, I wanted it to stop. I wished I could force those shapes and noises to stop existing and make them disappear. Fury!
“Can’t you restore the subconscious completely?”
“If I did that, she could end up as a different pony entirely. It’s best to make her just perceive her existence and hope she will start getting aware of her surroundings on her own.”
I tried to ignore them, but there was Nothing to focus my mind on. There was just Nothing, and this new Something.
“How long will it take?”
“I can’t tell… it has been many millennia since the last time something like this happened.”
Why am I aware? Leave me not be!
“Is there any way I can help her?”
“Feeding her and talking to her. Keep interacting with her to help her become aware of her own existence.”
Leave! Let me return to the peace I wasn’t aware of!
“Thanks for your help, Princess Luna.”
“I’ll try to find a spell to hasten the recovery once I finish curing Ponyville. I’ll return to visit soon.”
Shapes moved again, I couldn’t take it. What was this torture? After millennia of peaceful nothingness, I was bombarded with agony! I couldn’t take it! I couldn’t—
“Oh, Starlight.”
What was that? I recognized that sound…
“I’m sorry. It’s all my fault. I didn’t understand… if I was there… maybe then I could have…”
My mind raced, I felt as if I could grasp something. I almost caught up to it before it picked up speed leaving me behind.
As if I was looking into the void and almost expected to see a shape inside. A familiarity in something that shouldn’t be.
A fading memory…
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Author's Note
Well… this was my first time tackling horror, and I chose a very specific theme.
Was that a good idea? Was it better to just go with something more mainstream? Maybe.
But I personally enjoy the existential stuff, and this one carries a lot of influences from many places.
It may not be for everyone, but that’s what scares me personally.
Thank you for reading.
