“Good day, Princess!”
“Good day to you, too!” Twilight responded to one of Ponyville’s residents with a beaming smile as she trotted through the market, a saddlebag of groceries on her back.
The sun was shining, birds were chirping, and a gentle breeze was caressing her mane. It seemed as if nothing could ruin that perfect day. Until...
“Look, everypony! There goes the Princess of Toxicity! Twilight ‘Hater’ Sparkle!”
Twilight stopped dead in her tracks, her ears perking up. She must have heard it wrong.
“You heard it right, Sparkle!” the voice repeated with even more venom. “You’re a toxic pony!”
Twilight turned toward the racket and sighed, recognizing who was shouting the obscenities. She should have guessed it.
“Trixie...” Walking toward her, Twilight shot the pony in question a glare. “To what do I owe the pleasure? Or are you trying to insult me just for fun?”
“The Great and Powerful Trixie would never do that!” Trixie said, receiving a sarcastic smile in response. “OK... maybe she would... But not this time! This time, it’s serious!”
“Wait a second… since when do you run a stand at the market, anyway?” Twilight paused, scanning Trixie’s stall. It was filled to the brim with books. “Are you selling... books?”
Trixie smiled sarcastically. “No, it’s toilet paper; it just looks like books. Ponies like to wipe their butts when the paper has someone’s likeness on it. I tried to order some with your face, but...”
“You’d better be joking!”
“I am! ... unfortunately...” Trixie grumbled, sighing. “I’m trying to sell my novel and some related merchandise!”
Twilight cocked her head. “What kind of merchandise?”
“All kinds! That’s where the real money is made, you know. Take a look!”
Trixie pulled a rope, which opened a curtain behind her, revealing a table full of food, figures, and other contraptions Twilight couldn’t recognize.
“Trixie has ’Sunrise Shimmer the Corn Flakes!’, ’Sunrise Shimmer the Coloring Book!’, and even this beauty!” Trixie levitated the pipe-like contraption off the table and pulled the trigger, making it spew a blazing inferno! “’Sunrise Shimmer the Flamethrower!’”
“I get the picture, thank you!” Twilight said, shaking her head. “That’s a lot of stuff.”
“And none of it sells, thanks to you! ... well, aside from the flamethrower. Kids love it!”
Twilight shot her an accusatory glare. “I’ll pretend that was a joke... now, how am I responsible for ...” her eyes shot wide. “Wait a second, did you say, ’Sunrise Shimmer’? As in ’The Great and Powerful Sunrise Shimmer!’?”
“Yes, that one!” Trixie said, grinding her teeth. “The Great and Powerful Trixie’s book was great and... well... powerful! But it doesn’t sell because one mare...” Trixie aimed her accusatory glare at Twilight. “... gave it a toxic review in the ’Canterlot Times Book World’!”
Twilight arched an eyebrow in confusion. “I beg your pardon? What was toxic about my review?”
“For instance, you called it ’one of the worst books ever written!’” Trixie crossed her hooves. “That’s toxic!”
“No, that’s a fact! Sorry, Trixie, but I’ve read thousands of books, and that one is... crap! And that is putting it mildly.”
“Trixie’s feelings don’t care about your facts! You must contact ’Canterlot Times’ and tell them to take the review down!”
Twilight let out a sarcastic chuckle. “I’m not going to do that.”
“You must! You’re a hater if you don’t; EAFCGAM says so!”
“EAFCGAM? You mean ’Equestrian Association of Crappy Games and Movies’?”
“That’s ’Creative Games and Movies’!”
“Oh, my mistake...” Twilight smiled. “Isn’t that the coalition of people who make bad products, and when they don’t sell, they complain it’s not their fault but everybody else’s?” Her smile turned sarcastic. “Then again... I can see the attraction… for you.”
Trixie’s cheeks went red. “S-shut up! You... second-class princess!”
Twilight crossed her hooves. “And you call me toxic?”
But Trixie smiled. “EAFCGAM research shows it’s only toxic if the other side does it! As a writer, Trixie can call her audience whatever she wants.” Her smile turned to a scowl. “Especially ponies who dare to leave a negative review! If they didn’t like it, they should keep their toxic opinions to themselves!”
“Right...” Twilight rolled her eyes. “I’m sorry, Trixie, but I like sharing my ‘toxic’ opinions with my friends so they don’t have to read crappy books.”
“Ugh, that... toxic word again! Maybe Twilight Sparkle just doesn’t understand my novel! After all, it’s written for ‘modern audiences’...”
Twilight laughed. “By ‘modern audiences,’ you mean ponies who have never read a book before and don’t care about quality, character development, or plot holes the size of Tartarus?”
“What... plot holes? There were no plot holes!”
“Seriously?” Twilight rolled her eyes yet again. “You made a scene where Sunrise Shimmer tries to murder Princess Evening Twinkle in her castle by... setting it on fire!”
“So? You didn’t like the setting or what? Oh, and let me add that if you see any correlations to the real-world ponies... they’re purely coincidental!”
Twilight shot her a glare. “Right... Let’s start with the obvious… why didn’t Sunrise Shimmer just send her ‘Great and Powerful’ assassin, Vixtrix, to do the killing? Isn’t that the whole point of having an assassin?”
“Because… um… because…” Trixie bit her lip, rubbing her head. “Because… it would ruin the plot?”
“Yeah, I thought so.” Twilight shook her head. “You know, I could lived with that if it weren’t for how you wrote the scene! Let me quote the passage...”
Twilight grabbed one of the copies of the book from Trixie’s stand and flipped through the pages until she found the scene. Then, the quotes started flying:
Boiling with anger, Sunrise Shimmer spilled the lamp kindling all over the floor of Twinkle’s stone castle and set it ablaze!
“That will be your last sparkle, Twinkle! Buhahahahahahaha!”
Trixie shrugged. “So... what? Was evil laughter too much? Chrysalis does that all the time!”
Twilight blinked in disbelief. “It’s not that! You... you really don’t see anything else wrong with the scene?”
Trixie scratched her head with her hoof in confusion. “That there is no liquid lamp kindling in your castle? Trixie knows you use magical torches instead, but give her some creative liberty!”
Twilight smiled sarcastically. “And I thought all correlations to real-world ponies were supposed to be coincidental.”
“Don’t change the subject!”
“Fine...” Twilight sighed. “Let me expand the narration a bit. Maybe then you’ll get it...”
Boiling with anger, Sunrise Shimmer spilled the lamp kindling all over the floor of Twinkle’s stone castle and set it ablaze!
Since it was made of stone, it immediately caught fire, turning the place into a smoldering inferno!
“Now, do you see the…” Twilight paused, noticing Trixie writing something down. “What are you doing?”
“Taking notes! That smoldering inferno stuff was good!”
“I’m glad you liked it, but... do you see the problem now?”
Trixie nodded. “Um… I need to add more fire and... oh! Explosions!? My old friend Michael Hay always said—”
“No! Ugh!” Twilight angrily covered her face with her hooves. “For Celestia’s sake! Stone, Trixie! Stone!”
Trixie blushed. “Well, I wanted to use crystal, but then the reference to your castle would be even more obvious, so...”
“Argh!” Twilight shouted, then inhaled and held her breath, her body shaking in frustration. Finally, she let out a very long exhale and, clenching her teeth, said, “Trixie... Stone or crystal... DON’T BURN!”
Trixie blinked and blushed like a filly. “Oh...”
“Yeah, ‘oh’! And the darn thing is full of such absurdities! Not to mention the reveal later on, after they fall in love with each other, that Sunrise Shimmer and Evening Twinkle were long-lost sisters! I mean... yuck!”
Still blushing, Trixie began hoofing the ground. “You wouldn’t be saying that if it were your brother and you...”
“W-what?!”
“Um... nothing, nothing!” Trixie smiled sheepishly, only to get angry again a moment later. “Still, that changes nothing! You should have kept your toxic opinions to yourself! Who is going to buy Trixie’s book now?!”
“Hopefully, no one!” Twilight put on a gloating smile of victory. But just as she was about to walk away, a voice from behind filled the air.
“Excuse me, are you… Trixie Lulamoon?” the white unicorn said to Trixie, catching Twilight’s attention. She had a pierced nose and ear, and her mane was a badly painted rainbow.
“Yes?” Trixie said. “What can the Great and Powerful Trixie do for you?”
“The Great and Powerful Trixie?” The unicorn smiled. “I love it! My name is Zealota, and I love your book! With the power granted to me by Equestria’s Movie Association, I would like to offer you a job as a director!”
“W-what?!” Trixie’s eyes widened. “R-really?!”
“Yes! We’re gonna turn your book into a multimillion-bits franchise, my dear! There will be money, interviews, and sequels! And best of all… zero accountability!” Zealota’s smile turned into a mad grin. “If somepony doesn’t like your work, you’ll be able to call them toxic and play the victim with no consequences! Are you with me?!”
Trixie grinned as well. “Of course! That’s… that’s always been Trixie’s dream!”
“Excellent! Let’s go work out the details right now!”
With a flash, both unicorns teleported away, leaving a dumbstruck Twilight behind. She kept glancing at the spot Trixie had been just a moment ago, with her mouth agape and eyes wide in disbelief.
“And ponies ask me why I don’t go to see new movies anymore...” Twilight sighed. “I need a drink. A Great and Powerful drink...”
Author's Note
Story dedicated to AnimeFan419 
.
Given the context of the story, I expect nothing but praise! Bad reviews and downvotes will be considered toxic and called out 
(just kidding - obviously)
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