Can't believe the 2020s are almost on us, jeez. He sighed and wiped his brow of the sweat that had gathered. It was hard to breathe, but that was for a variety of reasons that could be so easily explained.
“Hey.”
“Mmmhmm~?”
“Got a question for ya."
"Shoot!"
"Been on my mind for a hot minute actually, couldn't bring myself to ask earlier, but now-"
"Mmm, what is it, Dee?"
"Why the fuck are you sitting on my lap?”
“That's easy!" The weight shifted on his lap and he grumbled as a cutesy little giggle filled the air. "You’re comfy~”
A sigh left the young man and he glanced past the so called 'mechanical fuckery' built in the early 1970s and down at past his oil stained chest, where a very particular creature had decided to plop her little butt down and claim as territory, somewhat akin to a cat.
A very heavy cat that could talk, nonetheless.
He caught her sweet little smile and the bright golden eyes zeroing in on his own, and he said, “if you’re gonna be on my lap Harpbutt, be useful and give me the wrench.” She nodded and her horn lit up before the tool appeared next to him in a soft golden glow. He grabbed onto it and gave her a nod, “thank you darlin’.”
“No problem!” She chirped as she heard him work on his vehicle, listening to some bolts being tightened and the grunts of the human as he worked on the machine he had so carefully been working on. She just smiled and watched him work on the machine. She hoped to be of more use to him.
"Son of a rat bastard." He cursed and spit off to the side, before tossing his wrench aside. “Torque wrench please.” The item floated next to him rather quickly, and he took it. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome~” Lyra nodded.
Dee, meanwhile, was cursing up a storm. But as he worked on a particularly stubborn part of the Oldsmobile, he couldn't help but find his mind wandering.
Rainbow... That name came to mind, which it usually did when he was younger. She was a fictional character he had obsessed over in his time in the fandom, had written a few silly stories about, even had a plushie of. He recalled how much he loved her as a character. He’d even go so far as to say alongside Rainbow, he had a fairly big crush on her.
Then came that fateful day when he was whisked away by powers beyond his knowledge and comprehension, and thrown into a world of survival horror from his childhood. He wasn't alone, however. Rainbow was with him, somehow, and had gotten severely injured not an hour into their journey through hell itself.
He paused in his mechanical work and focused on that, almost drifting back to their constant fights through the city. It had been a journey from one point to another, changing the fates of many people who would have originally died in the canon storyline, on top of fighting against the giant mutant at the very end. He couldn't have expected it to happen, he never would have figured someone like him would have ended up in a situation like that where he'd be fighting for his life against zombies with the help of Rainbow Dash.
It was truly the strangest crossover, but he made it out alive.
"You wanna get drunk and take a shower with me?" He snickered at that memory, probably the last thing he had said to her before the world went white. Was it all a dream somehow? A weight shifting on his lap told him no, that couldn't have been the case, and the gnarled scar on his neck where he had gotten bitten was another reminder that what he had gone through was in fact, real.
A hand drifted up to the bite mark and he shivered slightly.
I was so close to dying... I did die, didn't I? Just came back from the brink somehow, that Daylight worked wonders.
"Hey Dee, you okay?" He heard Lyra's soft voice next to him, and he only now noticed that she had gone from his lap to laying beside him underneath the car.
He turned slightly to look at her, and nodded as his hand left his shoulder. "Yeah, just lost in thought is all."
"Is it what happened with Rainbow Dash?" A single nod was her answer, and she asked, "will you ever tell me about that?"
"Maybe..." He set the tool down and laid back as he stared into the mechanical underbelly of the muscle car. "It's wild when I think back to it, I still can't believe it happened." The hoard of undead that surrounded the college had flooded back to him, and he had to suppress another shudder. "Stuff like this only happens in fantasy novels... sometimes cringy fanfiction too, now that I think about it."
He let out another groan before pushing himself out from under the car, and rolled to a stop at the bumper. Lyra had quickly gotten up and trotted on over before she sat down next to him. He felt her presence, and for a moment, the anxiety he felt had melted away slightly.
"It was a horrible time... I'm glad it's over."
The mare tilted her head and he wondered what was going on behind those golden eyes. "Do you miss her?"
"Every day." He grabbed a rag that sat nearby and started to wipe his hands of the grease and oil, staining the fabric even more than it already was. Being a mechanic was dirty work, and he didn't expect to stay clean while he did it. "Sometimes I wish I had a way to at least talk to her... I feel like there is a way, considering you're here, ya goober."
He smiled and looked at her, to which she wagged her fluffy tail and returned his smile with one brighter than his. He reached over and tousled up her mane, to which she hummed. She was far more positively receptive to the physical contact then Rainbow had been, but she was also less paranoid and more outgoing. It would seem the fandom had a more locked in idea of how her personality was, and he was glad for it.
Lyra Heartstrings was a very friendly mare.
But also very touchy.
Lyra pressed into his hand with another little hum, and didn't take long before the mare pushed just a hair more before she nuzzled up into his arms with a dopey smile. He rolled his eyes but ran his hands through her incredibly soft mane, and gently scratched behind her fluffy ears to which she wagged her tail happily. Her face positively melted into one of pleasure and chuckled cooly.
"Oooh Celestia, I love this." She cooed before she moved up into his lap.
Dee felt her press into his bare chest, which was still covered in the aftermath of his work, a mixture of sweat and oil. "You're going to stain your coat if you do that, ya goofy lil hornhead."
"Mmm, that's fine by me." She giggled and nuzzled up to the human, to which he just wrapped an arm around her midsection and ran his hands along her back. He felt her maneuver herself until she was in the middle of his lap and was able to press against him, all the while nuzzling up under his neck.
Thankfully, she was mindful of the horn.
The warmth of the unicorn wasn't lost on him, and the physical contact was something he enjoyed immensely, especially from her. Even still, he said, "Lyra, you're awfully friendly for having just met me a few months ago."
"Where I'm from, ponies are always friendly." He could practically hear the smile in her voice as she settled against him, breathing softly. With how close she was, he could detect the faint scent of... whatever it was she used to bathe herself with. Between the pleasant scent, the close proximity, and the soft movements, he felt a light anxious feeling worm its way into his heart. "Besides, you took me in and took care of me~"
"Well, I wasn't going to let a hurricane take you out. It's not in me to leave someone, even if they're a magical little pony from a different world." He told her and patted her on the head. "I'm still confused how the hurricane brought you here, if it was even responsible."
"A storm hit Canterlot, so... maybe it's connected somehow?" Lyra wondered and shuffled slightly before pressing the bridge of her snout into the crook of his neck. She let out a soft sigh and simply laid against him, and he couldn't help but wrap another arm around her.
She was warm and slightly fluffy, and her active cuddling attempts helped his bouts of anxiety greatly. Not that he would ever let her know that, she'd never stop trying to lay up against him and climb into his bed to snuggle up next to him. It reminded him a lot of cats he used to have who were very adamant about invading one's personal space, and Lyra the unicorn was no exception to this. Since he had rescued her, she had been nonstop physical with him, but thankfully she had the respect to not try and rip his pants off.
For now, anyway, or so he told himself.
"M-Maybe." He stammered out after a moment.
A husky giggle escaped her lips, and she shifted from her comfortable position to brush her muzzle against his neck. He felt her hot breath tickle his pale skin and sent a shiver down his spine. "You sound a little nervous~"
"H-huh? Naw, just..." Almost immediately he had to fight off the thoughts intruding upon his mind as Lyra's teasing gaze bore a hole straight through him.
The mare moved again and he swore he almost felt her lips tease his skin, but he played it off as his imagination. "Not used to having a pretty girl in your lap?" He could feel her breath from every word she said, and it sent a tingle across his skin.
"I-I have a girlfriend for that, thank you." Dee grumbled and rolled his eyes, before he brought up his hand and gently booped her on the snout away from his neck.
The unicorn giggled and leaned back from the human, eyes half lidded and a smile gracing her features. "I can still tease you~"
"To anyone else, this would be one-hundo' percent harassment." He told her, but he returned her smile and poked her snout with a finger again, just a hair more forceful, causing her to squeak.
"Jeez, are you going to steal my boyfriend away from me, Lyra?" A voice spoke and Dee's heart shot up into his throat.
Both Lyra and Dee turned to the doorway out of the garage where a woman was leaned against the door frame, arms crossed and head tilted.
Lyra's eyes lit up and she hopped off of Dee with a bright smile. “Lisa! So good to see you!” Lyra smiled as cantered on over and nuzzled the human girl happily, who had dropped into a crouch to hug the unicorn.
"Hi Lyra~" Lisa cooed and ruffled her mane. "How's my favorite little pony?"
Dee watched as Lisa hugged and pet Lyra with a bright smile. Despite the joke of being stolen, he felt his heart skip a beat and it worried him for a moment. I know Lisa knows I'd never do that... right? He shook his head before he stood up and dusted off his pants and wiped his hands off some more with the rag from before. "Lyra is doing just fine, she's just a dirty little pony."
Lyra squeaked and shook her head. "I am not. I am a good little pony, and would never do anything nefarious or lewd."
"No, I mean you're literally dirty, you goofy lil nerd." Dee pointed out and gestured to the mare's once silky light aquamarine coat, which was now stained in the debris and oil from his chest and pants.
Lyra blinked and looked back at herself, and down at her hind legs before offering up, "... I stand by my statement, I am a good little pony."
A chuckle escaped the woman who stood up and looked over to Dee before she walked past Lyra and over to him. Dee smiled as she threw her arms around him, and leaned in for a peck on his lips, to which he returned.
“You two are being good I hope~?” Lisa asked, looking from him to the pony sitting on the floor.
Lyra nodded and gestured to the setup of tools nearby and the car. “Yep! I’ve been helping him work on his electric carriage!”
A sigh and slight chuckle from Dee, who shook his head. “Lyra, it’s called a car, not a carriage... not really electrically powered either.” Dee murmured with a glance back at the vehicle, arms wrapped around Lisa as she laid her head on his shoulder. "It's gas powered."
He kept his arms wrapped around Lisa as his mind drifted to the mare, who was more than happy to sway back and forth to whatever musical beat only she could hear. She was half silly and fun, half sultry and teasing, it was quite an eccentric combination and one he enjoyed having around the house whenever Lisa was out and about at work, or just out with her friends. It kept things from being too lonely.
I got lucky with Lisa being a pony loving nerd like myself. He let out a small hum before he asked, “So Lisa, what are you up to this fine morning?” Dee heard Lyra make a barely subdued 'aww' as he wrapped his arms around the woman.
“Just wondering if you wanted to go out tomorrow~” Lisa said with a smile and swayed back and forth in his arms, "there's a movie showing and I was thinking we should go see it, just you and me." When Dee looked at Lyra, she mouthed, Go for it!
“Mmm,” A hum from the man as he swayed with the girl, a gentle side to side motion as he rested his head against hers. “That sounds like a fun time, you want to get some dinner beforehand?"
He noticed as Lyra smiled sweetly before she busied herself with looking at some of Dee’s tools next to her. As Lisa hummed in his ear, he couldn't help but notice the usual shine to Lyra's eyes had dimmed, and her ears flicked back for a moment. Was she lost in thought herself? He wondered...
“Maybe… Stockton's for dinner, and we can head to the theater afterwards?” Lisa suggested, pulling away slightly to stare into his eyes. “I heard they’re playing John Wick 3.”
“Oooh fuck, ya know, bet.” Dee chuckled and smiled. "I'm excited to see that."
"I know sweetie~" Lisa said before kissing him on the lips, which he returned.
It was a feeling he never thought he'd get to experience in his life, but ever since he came back to his world from the universe of Resident Evil, he found his luck had drastically shifted. Between moving out of his apartment into a cheap house, being able to afford a project car after finding a new job, and finding a beautiful girlfriend who was as much a nerd as him? He had struck the jackpot.
He couldn't have been any happier.
He heard a shuffling noise from where Lyra was, and he heard a barely contained-“D’aaaaaw!” which grabbed the attention of both him and Lisa. “You two are so cute!” She told them with the happiest looking smile on her face before she trotted over.
“Daww, thanks Lyra~” Lisa cooed, reaching down and petting the pony, who happily accepted the affection with a cutesy little hum. Dee chuckled as he felt Lisa give him one last peck before turning around, and she walked towards the door leading outside. He noticed she made a show of swaying her hips side to side before walking out. “I’ll see you later, honey~”
With that, she was gone.
Dee felt his cheeks almost split from the wide smile he had on his face. I'm so fucking lucky, Christ... just what happened to shift everything around on me like that?
Before he could search for such an answer, he felt Lyra poke his knee with a hoof. “So when are you gonna clap her cheeks?” She asked with the most salacious grin a pony such as herself could muster. "Because if you don't-"
Dee felt like someone held a flashbang in front of him before setting it off, and then kicking him in the cock. He dropped his gaze to the mare who just looked up at him with that little teasing gaze of hers again. “Lyra, come on.” Dee laughed before he walked over to the open garage door, and watched Lisa’s car drive away. He sighed and made his way towards the door that headed inside as he was followed by the unicorn, evident by the 'clip clops'; on the concrete. “First you tease me nonstop, now you're gonna steal my girlfriend away from me?”
"Mmm, maybe." Lyra giggled and bumped her flanks into his hips, causing him to stumble slightly. "She is quite the cutie~"
"Yeah, and she's mine you reprehensible harlot."
There was a sputter from Lyra, who scoffed soon after. “Excuse you sir, I am no harlot. I am a unicorn of refined taste, so pardon me for wanting to sample such an attractive dish."
Dee groaned as he walked into the living room, one that was attached to the kitchen. He swiftly made a beeline for the fridge. "You are an insufferable little troglodyte."
"Can you blame me?" Lyra asked him as she followed him. "You’ve been dating her for three years, right?” They entered the kitchen from the spacious living room, and into a small kitchen that from her knowledge, hadn't been used much. “I mean, come on. I would have tried to rut you by now, if not two years ago.” She told him. "If you won't rut her, maybe I'll have better luck~"
If he rolled his eyes any harder, he'd probably cause them to snap free and pop out. “Well, she wants to wait and I respect that.” He shrugged as he popped open the fridge, only to have himself get lost in thought once again. He recalled he had this conversation several times over the past few months they’d been friends, ever since Lyra learned of the extent of his relationship with Lisa, she had relentlessly asked him when he was going to eventually make a move on his her and effectively, in Lyra’s words… clap her cheeks.
Not quite the words he would use to describe it, but she wasn't exactly wrong. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to, it was more along the lines of Lisa wanting to wait until they were married before they went any further, which he respected. He was a degenerate and he knew it, but he knew when to respect boundaries... something he teased Lyra about not having anytime she demanded cuddles.
“I know, but come on.” Lyra cantered into the living room and left Dee to lose himself in the fridge, hopping onto the couch and looking back at him, tail continuing to flick back and forth. “Three whole years of just smooching, hugging and snuggling at night?” Dee nodded to her inquiry and he heard her sigh. “Oh Dee… oh Dee, I can only wonder how blue your balls are right now.”
That was another reputable aspect of Lyra Heartstrings he had found out, she just kept making jokes about his balls being more blue than Colgate’s coat color. She also made sure to let him know at every turn, that if she were in Lisa’s shoes, she would have had sex with him a long time ago.
That was how their friendship was, constant teasing and the usual one-sided sexual banter between one another.
It was an odd friendship, but it was a friendship he liked nonetheless.
“Christ, Lyra. I’d love to get laid, but Lisa wants to wait and honestly? That's fine by me.” He replied to her as he finally began rooting through the poorly stocked fridge. He couldn't remember when he had made a grocery run last, and so his choices were limited to a variety of cold sandwich meats, some cheese of questionable quality, and booze. He settled on pulling out two old fashioned glass bottles of frosty cola before going over to the mare on the couch. He clicked his tongue at her and tossed a bottle to her, to which she caught it in her magic before he plopped down with a grunt. “I don’t wanna fuck up my first ever relationship because I’m horny, Lyra.”
Lyra’s magic enveloped the lid on both bottles and effortlessly she popped them off, and the soda sizzled as it was exposed to the air. “I don't know, Dee, I don’t see why she couldn't drag you off to the bedroom while I listen in from the other room~” She cooed, flashing him a saucy wink before chugging her soda.
Another eyeroll escaped him, but he did laugh a little. “I mean, I wouldn't exactly be opposed to that, but you're not listening in, you pervert." He told her with a pointed flick of his finger towards her. "I swear, you're something else."
"Whaaat? I've been stuck in your world for three months, and not a stallion in sight." Lyra threw up her hooves. "A girl's got needs, you know."
"You got a problem."
She narrowed her eyes at him before pursing her lips. "I've seen the things you have on that weird box of yours in your bedroom."
"...No comment." He sipped his soda as he stared at the television, which wasn't on.
Lyra thankfully turned it on with a flick of her magic.
He swallowed the crispy soda and leaned back against the couch, and decided it was high time to change the subject. “For lazy bastards like myself, you are the perfect friend to have.” Dee admitted with a groan, as he shifted with a loud sigh of relief and set his cola aside.
Lyra just giggled, and he'd be hard pressed to deny he loved hearing it. It was a sweet sound that genuinely filled his heart with joy, and it was no wonder she was such a popular character in the show. He noticed she got into a more comfortable position on the couch, laying down with her body facing him. “I know~ You’re lucky I fell into your house instead of a bodybuilder or something.” She giggled again, once more bringing a smile to the human’s face. With another flare of her magic, she seemed to be focusing on something before a few bags of chips and candies suddenly appeared on the table in front of them, with a particular favorite landing in his lap.
He looked down at the bag and picked it up. “Lyra, reasons like this are why I think you’re an angel.” He breathed before he popped open the bag with a smile.
“Lisa's your angel, Dee, I'm just the devil that fuels your junk food addiction~” Lyra giggled as he grabbed her own bag of chips. "I gotta say though, human snack food is super good, so I'm no better."
Dee popped a chip into his mouth, and past the food he said, "it's pretty good, not healthy, but I'm a lazy fuck and cooking gives me anxiety."
"I know a mean recipe for hay-chili and fries, I'll teach you sometime!"
"...I'll pass."
"Aww, but why? It's really good, I promise!"
"Lyra, I can't eat grass."
"Ooooh... I thought you guys were omnivorous?"
"I mean, yeah? But I can't exactly eat hay. I don't even think humans can digest that stuff."
"Really? Do you know why that is?"
Oh boy. As the television played some rerun of a cop show from the 70s, he searched his brain for the correct response. "It mostly has to do with the fact we don't have the enzyme needed for it, it's super high in cellulose and we're not really capable of eating it let alone digesting it safely."
Lyra tilted her head at him, one ear flopping to the side almost like a dog. "I didn't know that, huh... I read a book once that said humans were omnivores, so I just assumed you could. I saw stuff on the uh... what is it again?"
"Television."
"Right, that! I saw on there there's a story that sells all kinds of stuff! Vegetables, fruits, meat... no grass or hay though, they sell flowers! Can you eat those?"
He thought for a moment, and remembered there are some edible ones. "Those are like the one exception, though it really depends on which flower."
"I saw some nice lilies outside, I could try to make a salad with those."
"I... don't think that'd be a good idea, honestly." He chuckled awkwardly as she fixed him with a pout.
"I just think you don't wanna try my cooking."
"It's not that you goof. Some lilies are poisonous to humans, for all I know the ones outside could kill me." When she didn't say anything, he added, "a lot of flowers have health benefits and taste different, but there's a lot of them that can be harmful or just outright deadly."
When he turned to to face Lyra, her face looked a little whiter then usual. "D-deadly?"
A fond memory from Elder Scrolls came to mind, and he chuckled grimly. "Nightshade's a classic one, used in a lot of games and movies as a fatal poison if prepared correctly. I can't remember if it has a distinct taste or smell, but half the time I see it used, it's undetectable."
"T-that's horrible..."
"Yeah well, welcome to writing assassination plotlines."
The topic eventually died off, and he figured it left Lyra with something to think about. It was interesting to think about how wildly different their diets were. While Lyra could eat just about anything—as evidenced by her popping open a bag of bbq chips—humans couldn't exactly partake in the standard Equestrian cuisine... if one could even call it that. The comical food choices they had in the show still amused him, hayburgers and fries, dandelion salads and lily shakes, among countless others.
I can probably still eat Pinkie's cooking. She's just baking sweets, and as far as I'm aware it uses the usual baking ingredients... Hopefully, I actually can't remember. He hummed thoughtfully before downing the rest of his soda.
The hours passed by as they watched tv, and they laughed and the usual back and forth banter filled the air while watching a variety of shows, which mostly consisted of old reruns of dramas from back in the 70s up to the 90’s, peak television if you asked him. Though one could argue he was biased.
It was a grand time, but it eventually had to end.
Lyra stirred on the couch as she felt a source of light demanding she awaken from her slumber. Upon sleepily fluttering her eyes open, she came to the conclusion the moon had it out for her tonight. The accursed window was in kahoots with it, and she internally cursed the curtains for not shifting close on their own.
She blinked and looked around as she heard the TV still playing quietly in front of them, and from the looks of it the show they were watching earlier had gone off and was replaced with an immediately boring infomercial about some kind of battery operated spoons. She didn’t pay it too much attention after that, instead looking over to the sleeping lump of a human she called a friend. The human was laying in the same position he always laid in, on his back and hands draped over his stomach.
She smiled and examined his features for a moment, his soft breathing and mouth slightly agape. She noticed a few crumbs on his facial hair and giggled quietly to herself. He looks so peaceful. She slowly got up, and began to quietly clean up the mess they made watching TV. She picked up the empty bags and soda bottles, putting them in the trash can nearby before she opened the door to a small closet and pulled out a small dustpan and broom, before she swept up the crumbs on the floor and table, as well as parts of the couch before teleporting it all away.
She even made sure to clean up his face of the crumbs.
Being a master of magic has its perks. She smirked.
Once she was done, she climbed back onto the couch and looked back over at the human, who she noticed has shivered slightly. It is kind of chilly in here. She stuck out her tongue and lit up her horn, and grabbed a spare blanket from the bedroom she knew was in there. She pulled it forth into the living room and over to the human before she gently laid it across his form, causing him to let out a tiny breath.
A smile crossed her face again before she lifted up the blanket slightly, and then snuggled up next to him on his side. She made sure to be mindful of her horn as she pressed her warm body next to his own, and cuddled up next to him.
Lyra nuzzled into the nape of his neck, letting out a content sigh of her own before she drifted back off to sleep herself. She swore she felt his arm move up and around her to hold her, but she was quick to fall asleep.
Might be my imagination. She thought as she drifted back off to sleep.
