NWJ: School sucks. A lot.

by ImClinicallyDepressed

Rating: mature
Tags: Main 7 (EqG), Profanity, Gore, Violence, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Death, Alternate Universe, Human, Narcotics, Anthro, Original Character, Trixie, Moondancer, Comedy, Other, Equestria Girls, Sex
Length: 8795

A group of teenagers fight through highschool with the power of... Awful decisions. Who even made this scrip-

|Canterlot|

|2024 A.D|

Cars fly past you as you stare into the lively street full of ponies. You smile as you remember the good times you had in highschool, the good times before...

A sudden clap snapped you out of your train of thoughts. The clap came from your friend, Moondancer. She's grinning at you and starts to openly makes fun of your terrible attention span. You chuckle and laugh, retorting at her jabs at your character. Before you knew it, you were walking towards a cafe with her, and now talking about school and your second year in Canterlot high.

You smile outwardly, hiding your shaking hand as she goes ahead of you. Before you could think, you opened a bottle and jammed a few pills into your gullet as fast as humanly possible, and return to her side.

Don't listen to the cries. There is nothing wrong with your life. You repeat that, but your still shaking hand starts to break your fake reality of perfection. How long must if go on. You may never know. For now, you ignore it, before Moondancer grabs you by the neck and stops you going into incoming traffic.

Maybe there's more pressing matters right now... You really needed to check your attention span out.

No way José is a semi satirical comedy about an overly gifted character, a loss of motivation, and how teenagers are stupid.

It mixes atleast 20 different cliches that I forgot the name of into one, semi coherent, might be enjoyable, series. It follows José T. Lulamoon throughout his journey through highschool, with an emphasis on how being lazy and smart kinda coexists.

This is pretty much my first real fanfiction. A fully made out story, with background characters, explanations that hopefully is short and makes sense, and with characters that feel human.

Also this takes place on earth, 2024 A.D.

No way José is inspired heavily by Ponies on earth group (I forgot what the name is), Equestria Girls, under the purple hood, what a strange little colt (Hopefully in the later chapters) and Secretly a insect mastermind.

Along with a whole lot others.
Examples include:
The pending series.
Trust once lost.

Also, rated Mature for a lot of things. Sexual jokes or themes (mainly heat or estrus) is a small part of it. Gore and violence is why it's rated M instead of T.

[hr
>The Male:Female rate of all creatures go by this:
Ponies- 1:4
Zebras- 1:6
Dragons- 1:3
Changelings- All female. Does not count.
Yaks and Buffalo- 1:1
Cows, sheep, and llamas- 1:3

At average, the world has about 1:4 Male to Female.

That's it. I guess.

(All art is credited to their respective creators. The one's I couldn't fine the exact creator for has their link only. If I used your art and you don't want it to be here, please contact me through my dms in this site. Thank you.)
(Any mental or non mental issues discussed/used in this story is not supposed to be the definition of the issue. It is highly encourage to not take the explanations seriously in real life, as it is mostly false, and played up for drama. All mental issues are also made for the story. Any real mental issues is not to be confused with these, even if they are similar. This is purely fictional, and if is taken seriously, might negatively impact people who have similar conditions. Please research, and learn. Please.)

29/12/24: Changed the name to NJW: School sucks.

Published 2024-12-24 16:10:00 UTC
Last updated 2025-02-08 14:14:22 UTC

Chapter 1: In za begiging- in za beginging-

No way José!

Chapter 1: In- i- In za begni- the begidi-the

"I may not have a brain gentlemen, but I have an idea."

.
.

|Current Time: 2023A.D|

In a land before time- wait, wrong intro.

Hey. I have no idea why you called me here.

I mean, what's there to tell about my side of the story? And don't you dare say "Every story has different view points" because that line has been said to me since the end of time.

I mean, it is correct.

Fine. I'll tell you my magnificent tale again.

This is the last time okay? And don't you dare put it in your book D.D!

"Happy Birthday!" Is what people normally hear on their birthday, and what most people associate with surprises. Since, you know, surprise birthday parties? Surprises are supposed to be fun, happy, and eventful. The turn of the century was definitely no exception.

What? Where am I going with this- I'm going to-

Really? That impatient? Damn.

Fine.

The turn of the century. The milestone of our human civilization. Everyone held their breath as the countdown ticked down from five,

Four,

Three,

Two,

One.

...

Then, the power cut out. Everybody who wasn't outside scrambled to get out of their homes in fear for a natural disaster.

A tornado? Earthquake? Volcano eruption?

I know that- JUST LET ME FINISH DAMN!

Ahem.

Panic spread as the ground began to shake all around the world,

"This is It!" They thought, "The end is nigh!"

But as quickly as the shaking began, it stopped. People were, understandbly, confused. That confusion turned into wonder as they looked up to the night sky.

People thought it was fireworks at first, then turned on their brains- I mean. Then they realized the reality of what happened to the night sky. The night sky was... Different. Like it was a whole new sky. No, calling it new isn't right. It was more like...

Earth was on a different galaxy.

What looked like a gash of white was ripped through the sky, with dots of blue, red, and other colors not many people think of when the night sky pops into their minds littering the vast dark black void of space. It looked mystical. It looked otherworldly. And it boggled scientists mind because air pollution was thing- but let's just ignore that part.

People were scared. Some lost their minds from it, though I slightly understand why. And many, and I do mean, MANY stared in wonder for hours.

Before the masses devolved into panic, or get hit by cars because they were in the road, the government stepped in. Announcements were made post haste. Some saying to calm down, some saying that everything is fine, and one even saying that to go back partying.

... Surprisingly it was Finland.

Anyways, the public calmed down shortly after that- Except for Russia, I think a civil war broke out not long after- and went back to their normal (ish) lives.

That's when my parents come into play.

No- Daring, you really think I was alive at this time? I wasn't even born! I WASN'T EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT YET! Matter of fact, YOU weren't born yet! We're the same age for goodness sake!

Sorry. I kinda went overboard.

Yeah yeah shut up.

You see, my parents weren't exactly the richest of the bunch, especially in America.

Dad was an immigrant from Asia, so understandably he didn't know anything at first. It didn't help that he was 20 when it happened. But somehow he pulled through.

About a few years before the turn of the century happened, my dad was working at a gas station in Texas. He worked there for... 3 years? And somehow afforded an apartment while he was working there.

Yeah, I know. Back then a house costed 5000 bucks and a firm handshake or two, and an apartment costed less.

Anyways, after he got a simple apartment in the glorious state of Texas (before it got merged with Brazil), he started his own little company. If I remember correctly it was called, "Fancy Pants inc"? Weird name to be honest with you, since my dad wasn't selling pants.

It was basically a truck company but with other stuff joined into it. At first business was slow, then it got faster and faster and- You know what I'm gonna skip ahead a few years.

After a couple of years his business was coasting comfortably. On a seemingly normal day, he got a call from one of his employees that they couldn't come to work for a month since his wife was actually admitted to the E.R.

As the good boss he is, he gave the employee full insurance and said he would take care of his shipments for a month.

I know right? He's actually a pretty good guy. Love my dad.

Oh wait the story right, ahem.

After ending the call, my dad went straight to work. He went to his personal truck (he doesn't actually own it it's just the company's truck) (Well technically he owns it. He own the company.) and goes straight towards to his destination.

What? Wouldn't the stuff be at the other trucker's truck?

No it's still in the warehouse, the guy hadn't collec-

I'll tell you the other stuff later! Sheeesh. Detail nazi.

Look, he got to the warehouse, he grabbed the shipment or whatever it's called and drove to the buyer.

Happy?

Okay. Anyways, the buyer that requested the supplies was this little taylor shop at the south side of Texas. Fleur something something. When dad finally reached the buyer, they talked a bit and exchanged numbers.

I guess something clicked inside them when they met. Since, uh, they're married now. Yeah. Anyways. At the turn of the century, they started to date. While on their first date, the event happened where the sky changed. People started to freak out, and my parents were no exception. But instead of panicking and getting ran over, my dad actually calmed down all the surrounding people and actually saved a guy from getting ran over by a semi.

Of course, the guy in the semi died. I think he went to shock? Or something.

Oh, the semi was fine. If you count fine exploding.

Ahem. After the whole "The world is going to end!" Fiasco, the mayor actually rewarded my dad for being calm and calming the panicking citizens. Dad actually didn't want to take it since he didn't like being rewarded for doing something kind. "Kindness needs no reward" or something along those lines.

My dad sounds like a saint, now that I think about it.

The mayor insisted, so dad just took it and thanked the mayor. Blah blah blah, years later they had me and now we're here.

In this room, talking about my life story.

Wait, I didn't actually tell my story. Well, get ready, since 15 years of straight exposition is gonna be dropped on your ass.

Now... It started when I was born, in 2009...

|14~ Years ago|

"Honey?" Fleur asked Fancy Pants as they were eating dinner at a fancy restaurant.

Right now, the couple is celebrating their 9th anniversary of their relationship and their 5th year anniversary being married.

"Yes dear?" Fancy pants replied, looking at his wife.

Nine years ago, dramatic changes occured in their lives. First was the now-named "Century turner" occuring, which teleported Earth to another galaxy and consequently fixing the atmosphere and pollution that was in the air.

Second was the slow change in species that occured in everybody. First it was slow. Tails grew, wings popped out from their backs, fur instead of skin. Then it catapulted when scientists discovered magic.

Now, Earth was inhabited by a whole wide range of intelligent creatures. Ponies dominated the planet, but Griffins, dragons, yaks, zebras, changelings, cows, sheeps, llamas and a whole more creatures shared this domination with ponies.

Most of these creatures were once human, but they were transformed into their current forms. Some were born after the change.

Not everything was different however. Strangely, most of the creatures that humans turned into were more human than animal.

Ponies were standing on two hooves instead of four, griffons actually look more cartoonish than what myth said about them and most if not all were bipedal. The only one that changed into quadruped were yaks and Buffalo.

Fleur shuffled awkwardly, her husband's eyes trained into hers. "What do you think about getting a kid?" Fleur asked.

"I've thought about it," Fancy said to Fleur. "But I don't want to force it. I'd rather wait until the right moment."

Fancy pants resumed looking through the menu of the restaurant. He mentally widened his eyes at the prices before dismissing it.

"Well..." Fleur said slowly, catching the attention of Fancy. "What... If I told you I was pregnant?"

The sound of a menu falling to the floor was heard throughout the restaurant as Fleur chuckled awkwardly, and Fancy stared at Fleur wide eyed as his jaw dropped to the floor.

"You aren't joking right...?" Fancy asked slowly, to which his wife shook her head. "I'm gonna be a dad..."

Fleur giggled at her husband's reaction as a Earth pony waiter came near them and handed them a glass of water each. "Your water madam and sir."

"... Thanks." Fancy replied absentmindedly.

"... And your order?"

"I'll... I'll get the ribeye steak." Fancy said.

"And I'll get the calamari with chicken drumsticks." Fleur replied.

Surprisingly, ponies could still eat meat. Of course, they couldn't eat meat all the time, but many ponies still thanked the god who allowed them to keep the gift of meat.

"... How long have you've been... Pregnant." Fancy asked his wife, still panicking slightly in his mind.

"For about two months now." Fleur answered, quickly adding. "I was going to tell you, but I saw that our anniversary is right around the corner so I decided to spill the news when it arrived."

The couple looked at each other and smiled. Fancy was slightly peeved about the fact that his wife delayed telling about this, but he doesn't care about that now. No use in crying for spilled milk, he thought.

|5~ months after |

Fancy Pants raced through the hallways of the hospital, bumping nurses and doctors left and right.

"Sorry!" Was all he could say to the bumped ponies. He was too busy after all.

Why? Well...

"Oh! Mr. Pants, I see you've arrived." A doctor said to him, causing him to got o a full stop. He recognized this doctor. His name was... Dr. Horse, if he remembers correctly.

"Doc! I've got here as fast as I could!" Fancy exclaimed. "How is she? How's my wife?"

"She's fine Fancy, no need to worry." Dr. Horse replied to the panicked stallion.

Fancy's eyes were the size of ants, his fur was covered in sweat, and Dr. Horse noticed that his tie was all but gone and left behind him.

Did he run all the way here?

"Oh thank god." Fancy said, before collapsing. "I.. The moment that I saw your text Horse, I booked it all the way here. I forgot to take my car too."

Oh wow he did

"So... Doc. Do.. Do I have a...?" Fancy shakily asked Dr. Horse.

"Why don't you see for yourself?" He said, opening the door to where Fancy's wife was currently resting.

The door revealed Fleur, who was tiredly holding a small foal in her arms. Fancy almost dropped to the floor in relief, but he stopped himself just before he could.

"Oh! Honey... You're here." Fleur shakily said.

"I'm- I'm sorry I couldn't be here dear. I had a meeting and I didn't see Horse's textandI-" Before Fancy could go to a rant, Fleur shushed him and motioned him to get closer to her.

"Shhh. Now now, it's fine honey. But if you do apologize, apologize to this little fella instead of me." Fleur said.

As Fancy neared Fleur, he could hear his heart beat. A thousand thoughts raced in his mind.

"What if he wasn't good enough?"
"What if he's too neglectful to the child in the future? Like how his dad treated him?"
"What if-"

All of the thoughts stopped as he finally got close to his wife. What his eyes laid upon made his heart melt and his mind calm down.

In his wife's arms was an adorable blue foal, cutely snoozing and occasionally making soft mews of happiness. Surprisingly, the foal woke up and stared at Fancy.

"... Dada?"

The air in the room suddenly stood still as that one word echoed through the room. All the faces in the room showed confusion and bewilderment as they tried to process what they heard.

"... Did-" Fleur started, but was cut off by the sound of her husband's body falling to the floor.

"..." Dr. Horse was speechless to say the least. First the baby talked next the father fell down like a sack o taters!

"Doc! What happened!?" The door busted open a little too loud as a nurse exclaimed that particular line of text.

"You know... I don't really know."

|A few years after that... Disaster|

"I just... Don't know how it could've happened." Fancy pants sighed out.

It had been a couple months after that... Incident. After Fancy Pants woke up, they calmed him down (along with his wife) and said that maybe their kid was special. Speaking of that kid actually.

"You don't go into the square hole do you Ms. Heart?" The colt asked the heart shaped plastic. "But you Mr. Cyclinder also don't go into the square hole..."

The colt scratched his head and deposited both of the objects into the box, using the squeare hole with a confused expression planted on his muzzle.

"But... You still fit into the square hole? How does this even make sense!" Exclaimed the colt as he pouted.

Fancy pants just stared at the perplexing situation infront of him. After both him and his wife calmed down, Dr. Horse said that "Maybe putting him into a room full of crying children isn't the best move." And left their foal with them for the time being.

After much deliberation (and a few words from the strangely intelligent foal), they decided to name him 'José', aka 'José T. Lulamoon'.

What does the T stand for? Trixie. Why Trixie? Because both Fancy and Fleur got tricked into believing that they were gonna have a normal kid. And also because Fleur thinks it's cute. And also because it's a chocolate brand. You know. Trix?

"Your colt is certainly clever huh?" Dr. Horse said to Fancy Pants, breaking his little flashback moment.

"Horse, José's only 5 months old. He shouldn't even be able to talk, let alone know what shapes or volume are!"

"Well... You don't know if he actually knows what volume is."

As if to spite Dr. Horse, José suddenly jumped into the air and exclaimed:

"OH! Because the square hole is 2.3 inches by 2.4 inches! And the cyclinder has a circumference of 1.5 inches! That makes sense!"

Dr. Horse could only stare in awe at the jumping José as Fancy Pants stared at him, silently judging his choice of words a minute ago.

"How the fuck does he even know what a circumference is?" Dr. Horse muttered. "I don't even remember what the hell that is!"

"He's a prodigy... Hooray." Fancy said, his tone one of defeat.

"And why aren't you excited about that?" Dr. Horse questioned.

"Because he's only 5 months old. If someone learned about his I.Q, nine times out of ten he's gonna be put into a tutoring schedule with less time to socialize than me at the start of my company." Fancy answered. "I... I don't want him to only know about school and homework Horse. He may be a prodigy but the moment you try to make him the perfect student he's gonna stop being that smart."

Dr. Horse silently watched Fancy as he started to ramble and ramble on about school and stress, before deciding to stop his friend before he has another mental breakdown.

"Look," Dr. Horse stopped Fancy. "He's smart. Maybe even smarter than us. But he's a kid. No one is going to make him study like it's the end of the world. Especially if you're there and watching him."

"Bu-"

"No buts." Dr. Horse cut Fancy off.

Before Fancy could argue more, the door beside them opened and Fleur walked in along with Dr. Horse's wife, Stable Hay.

I know. It's a match made in heaven.

"Hey honey!" Fleur exclaimed. "We're back from getting groceries to make dinner. José didn't do anything this time right?"

"Unless you count him making a structurally sound skyscraper from scratch, then no. He's perfectly behaved." Fancy answered his wife, before pecking her on the cheek with a quick kiss.

"Oh dear! It didn't fall on José did it?" Stable worriedly asked.

"Nope. It almost did, then Fancy caught ut with his magic in time." Horse answered, doing the same thing that Fancy did to his wife.

"And José didn't cry?" Fleur asked.

"No... He just nodded to himself and started building another one." Fancy tiredly said.

José, or Trixie because I'm too tired to type José every sentence, finally noticed the new ponies in the room and excitedly hopped over to them.

"Moma!" Trixie exclaimed to Fleur. "Look what I built Moma!" He said, pointing to a mini sky scraper which was almost the size of Fleur herself.

"Oh? Did you build this all your self sweetie?" Asked Fleur to the excited Trixie.

"Yuh uh! Look! It even has a earthquake prevention system, watch!" Trixie exclaimed, walking over to the building and giving it a light tap.

The building slightly swayed, before stopping. No visible damage, or any misplaced boxes as the tower stood tall.

"I learned it was important, because Papa caught it before it fell onto me!" Trixie cutely explained.

"That's... That's good sweetie!" Fleur nervous

"Yeah I have no idea how he did that." Fleur whispered to the rest of the adults. Fancy chuckled at his wife and mouthed 'Told you'. Fleur proceeded to lightly smack his head.

The adults then stared to talk about menial things completely ignoring Trixie, who was staring at them in confusion.

'Ponies interact with each other regularly...' Trixie thought. 'All of the ponies I met were interacting with each other. But I haven't interacted with a pony my age yet...

Trixie knew he was different. He could hear his parents emotions after all. Well... Not hear. More like feel. Taste? Maybe. He also knew that foals weren't supposed to interact with adults like normal ponies. Age difference and the fact that you're a kid helps with that fact.

Trixie brought his hands infront of his face. 'So why am I different?' He questioned. 'I know I'm smarter than kids my age. Is that why I'm different? Intelligence? It's not my fault I'm a little smarter than other foals. It's not their fault either.

"So why am I different..." Trixie whispered.

|I lost tract how many years after|

"Are you sure about this dad?" Trixie asked.

"Yes. Are you?"

"I mean, I need to." Fancy Pants sighed.

"If you don't want to, it's fine."

"Dad, social interaction is essential to ponies." Trixie said to his father. "Even if they're foals. It's even more important that they're foals because I'm a foal."

"That may be, but you doing something you don't like just to fit in isn't healthy or good." Fancy retorted back to his foal. He still can't believe a 5 year old is having a civil conversation with him.

"Dad." Trixie said, taking a deep breath before continuing. "That's literally what everybody does."

"... Touche'." Fancy stopped the conversation before Trixie could nail some more holes in his coffin. Both stayed silent as they walked closer and closer to the kindergarten.

That continued until they reached the front gate of kindergarten. The kindergarten wasn't anything too lavish, Fancy pants specifically requested that, and it was evident.

While the schoolhouse wasn't... Dilapidated, it wasn't exactly in peak condition. It was clean, but you could the building was old even with the fresh paint job. But, overall, it wasn't bad. Just a typical American schoolhouse baby.

"So, dad." Trixie broke the silence. "Why are we a few miles away from Texas again?"

Did I mention this school wasn't in Texas.

"Basically everyone in Texas knows you exist José. Here in Canterlot you wouldn't get recognized as easily." Fancy answered.

While yes Canterlot was relatively new, it surprisingly grew fast in terms of economics. The town, which has only existed for the better part of the decade, had shopping malls, a farm about a mile away, and a surprisingly big neighborhood.

It was perfect for the family. Well. Technically it was perfect for Trixie since...

"And why in god's green earth do you want me to live by myself, with you and mom only visiting once a month to make sure I didn't keel over and die?" Trixie said brutally.

"... Same reasons?" Fancy Pants answered/questioned himself. "Look, you aren't alone okay? Because-"

"Dad, having a body guard isn't going to help."

"I have a roommate for you!" Fancy said, completely ignoring Trixie's past sentence.

"... If I get molested I'm calling CPS."

"TRIXIE!" Fancy exclaimed.

"If dad. If"

"You won't get molested!" Fancy exclaimed once again. "Besides, you're roommate is going to be the same age as you."

"... Dad do you have a brain in side of your skull? Or do I have to check? Again."

"Yes, I infact do have a brain inside here. And hear me out kid." Fancy quickly said, changing the subject. He didn't want to get scanned by a experimental brain scan ever again. He still remembers the after affect.

Those weeks of baldness traumatized him.

"You're roommate is going to be a little filly named Moondancer, she recently appeared at the company office and demanded a job or she'll tell the local newspaper about why me and your mom were at a restaurant, and why your mom was spotted below the table." Fancy explained to his foal, who, in turn, looked at him with a stare saying:
'Really? Getting blackmailed by a kid?'

"Really? Getting blackmailed by a kid?" Trixie also said it out loud.

"I'm no ordinary filly, Lulamoon." A voice said from behind them, startling Trixie who jumped up and clung to Fancy with a terrified scream. "And I am certainly not a gullible little foal, Mr. Pants."

"Should've known you wouldn't stay in the house Moondancer." Fancy sighed. What's with him and attracting little geniuses.

"Well, your wife almost stopped me Sir, but thankfully I managed to snap out of my food indulged paradise." Moondancer said with a polite tone.

"How did you even follow us?" He said, slowly making the terrified Trixie not cling onto him.

"Simple. I sneaked into the trunk of your car." She explained. "You really should get a magical lock on that sir. Who knows what evil mastermind would use that trick once again."

"I'll keep that in mind."

"Now, may I ask what the young master is doing crawling all over you like a spider?" Moondancer asked.

"It's because-"

"It's because you scared the living shit out of me you silent fuck!"

...
...
...

"I mean- hehehehe."

"... Trixie?" Fancy slowly asked.

"... Yes daddy?" Trixie's slowly answered.

"We will have a talk after this." Fancy glared at Trixie, the latter only nervously chuckling.

"Sir, while I do believe teaching your foal some manners would be good-" Moondancer said, ignoring the glare from Trixie. "It would seem class starts in a few minutes." Fancy Pants could only sigh in agreement.

The trio of them finally got to the entrance of the building itself. (Can you believe that all of that talking was before they got the actual door to the schoolhouse and not just the gate?) Fancy Pants cleared his throat before knocking on the wooden door, and then they waited.

And waited. And waited. And- okay it wasn't that long of a wait.

The door opens slightly, revealing a... Red? Yeah. Wait. A Rose coated mare with a pink mane wearing a confused expression on her face.

"Oh! And uh, who might you be Sir?" The mare asked Fancy Pants, a clear expression of confusion on her face.

Confusion...

"I'm Fancy Pants, the parent of Trixie Lulamoon and the guardian of Moondancer. I'm here for their first day of school." Fancy answered the mare's question calmly. He noted the mare didn't look old enough to be teacher. 'Must be the assistant.'

"... Oooh!" The mare exclaimed. "Come in! Please. I'll get my boss, please wait for a second." The mare said, fully opening the door and quickly leaving to presumably get her boss.

The trio stepped inside the schoolhouse, Fancy leading the charge towards the unknown, with Trixie and Moondancer not far behind him. The walls of the school house were decorated with flowers and smiley faces. Children drawings littered the walls too, although only held there with a piece of tape.

Joy...

"Mr. Fancy Pants!" A mare called out to Fancy, garnering his and both of the foal's attention. "Welcome to Canterlot Schoolhouse."

"Thank you Ms..."

"Book Smarts. Or Smarts for short." Smarts answered. "I'm told by Cheerlie that you're here to drop off your foals?"

"Yes, but one of them I'm only the guardian of." Fancy said to Smarts, motioning Trixie and Moondancer to go forward. "Please meet José Trixie and Moondancer. Go say hi you two."

"Hi."

"Hello."

"Hello to you too! You two look so cute!" Smarts squealed, kneeling down and pinching Trixie's cheek affectionately.

Happiness.

"... Ms. Smarts?" Fancy called out to the mare who was gushing over Trixie, the latter having a confused expression.

"O-oh! Right, sorry. Got a little distracted." Smarts apologized. "Anyways, the actually important stuff so your little dumpling here can attend school officially."

The two adults blabbered on after that, with Trixie and Moondancer being left on their own devices. Trixie, feeling the awkwardness of them standing beside each other, took it upon himself to break it.

"So, uh, how old are you?" Trixie asked Moondancer, who looked him straight in the eyes.

"Five." She answered.

"Wow, actually the same age. Nice." Trixie said, before continuing. "So, why did you suddenly barge in dad's building and demand a job?"

"Because I didn't have one." Moondancer answered, with an expression of 'Are you serious' plastered across her face.

"Yeah, but why did you need one?"

"Because I was out of money. And my parents aren't in the country."

"And they left you with... Nothing?" Trixie asked, worried.

"Really can't leave me with something if they suddenly disappear. Our house was empty with nothing in it when I woke up one day." Moondancer said, with a normal expression on her face, as if she didn't just say her parents basically kicked her to the curb but in reverse.

"Oh..." Trixie said sadly. "Hopefully they come back for you."

"God I hope not."

After that, Fancy suddenly started to move again following Smarts. Both of them followed silently with no words exchanged after that.

"And here is their classroom! It's one of seven classrooms right now, it being the closet while Grade 6 is the farthest." Smarts said the Fancy, who only nodded along. "Of course, there's separate cafeterias. Two of them to be exact. The one to the left of us is for Kindergarten to Grade 2, and over there past that hallway is for Grade 3 and above."

The adults babbled once again. This time Trixie noticed Moondancer wandering off towards a different hallways and hurriedly ran after her.

"Hey! Where you going?" Trixie asked Moondancer.

"Examining the hallways. And the rooms."

"Why?"

"If I meed to keep you safe, I need to get a feel for the surroundings."

"Sheesh, you act like you're in a spy movie."

"And you act like the world is too nice to have traps in every corner." Moondancer retorted.

"Well, we're kids! There's not going to be a highly complex piston machine that'll suddenly crush you or something."

"That's what [b}you think."

"Hey! What're you two doing?" A voice interrupted their little argument, causing both to jump in shock. Trixie jumps towards Moondancer, and Moondancer jumps to catch Trixie. Both fell ass first to the floor.

"Ow... Who the heck are you?" Trixie asked the new voice.

Confusion. Irritation?

"That language isn't for little fillies and colts you know?" The voice said to them. "And for your information, my name is Rainbow D. Dash!"

"Yeah yeah I know..." Trixie said tiredly. "So why are you here out in the halls?"

"Because... I.. uh... Had to take a bathroom break! Yeah!" Rainbow dash said, unsure of herself.

"... You were sneaking out in the hall weren't you?" Moondancer guessed, finally getting herself up from the floor.

"No..." Moondancer stared. "Yes. But I did it because my class is sooo boring! Why would I need to know what 2 plus 2 is, I want to fly!"

"Didn't ask about that but okay." Trixie mumbled below his breath.

"I heard that!" Rainbow exclaimed.

"Hey, wait... I just realized something," Trixie said, ignoring the fuming Rainbow dash behind him. "How do you know what those words mean?"

"I- uh-" Rainbow sputtered out, realizing that she got caught. How do kids even know these words...

Embarrassment

"Trixie?! Where did you go!?" A voice suddenly shouted down the hall from them. The smarty duo (our names are too long okay?) and Rainbow dash gulped as the sounds of panicked hooves echoed in the hall.

"We're here dad!" Trixie shouted, getting immediately muffled by Rainbow dash. "Ayh! Wah did o do tah fohr?"

"I don't want to get caught outside in the halls idiot!" Rainbow whispered. "If I get caught one more time I'm gonna get detention! And mom and dad are gonna be piii- mad!"

"Well, then go run for your life or something!" Trixie whispered back, removing Rainbow's hand from his mouth.

"I wouldn't advise that," Moondancer said, peeking down the hall. "Seems like your dad is faster than he looks Trixie. And he's definitely going to notice a kid running away from us."

"And?" Rainbow asked.

"And," Trixie continued Moondancer's advice. "Dad might think you bullied us, since we look a little scruffed up. You wouldn't want that right?"

"No! Bullying sucks!" Rainbow exclaimed. "I don't want to be seen as the bully! That's so not cool!"

"Then follow my lead." Trixie said, before suddenly putting his arms around Rainbow's waist.

"Wuoah! What are you-"

"Trixie! Put that filly down!" Fancy suddenly exclaimed, finally reaching them.

Fancy expected a lot of things when he arrived at the school. Paperwork, introducing himself, maybe a little bribing. But he definitely didn't expect this scene to occur.

Trixie was carrying a cyan filly by the waist, while said filly was blushing and trying to set herself free. Moondancer just stared at the spectacle, along with Fancy Pants. Trixie, noticing his father, turned to face him, the filly in his arms squeaking in surprise.

"Dad! Look! It's a pegasus!" Trixie exclaimed. "She's so cute, dad!"

"He-hey! Let me down!"

"Trixie... Kid..." Fancy thought long and hard for a few seconds, before finally forming a sentence in his mind. "Pegasi aren't toys, kid."

"I know! But look at her!" Trixie lifted Rainbow closer to Fancy, who only squeaked in surprise once again.

"I know, but," Fancy said "you have to put her down."

"Fine...." Trixie let go of Rainbow carefully, with a disappointed expression. "Can I atleast-"

"No scanning her bones Trixie." Fancy cut off Trixie's next sentence, fully aware what the question was.

"Man. You stink." Trixie said, blowing a raspberry.

"Mr. Pants? Why did you run off suddenly?" Smarts asked, her voice distant.

"Nothing! I thought I heard my kid yelling my name!" Fancy shouted back. "Hey, Moondancer dear?-"

"Don't ever call me that again"

"- can you please escort Trixie back to where me and Ms. Smarts are? I believe she's getting suspicious." Fancy whispered to Moondancer.

"Well, that is why you pay me." Moondancer said, shrugging.

"Thanks! Now please get him quick, before he does another... Foalnapping."

"Will do!" Moondancer said, mock saluting.

Fancy turned his back and walked over to where Smarts presumably is, leaving the three foals on their own. Bad parenting I swear.

"So..." Moondancer said slowly, just as Fancy was out of hearing distance.

"WHAT THE FLIP WAS THAT FOR?!" Rainbow shouted at Trixie, her face still beet red.

"It's all that I thought off! Don't judge me!" Trixie exclaimed, his ears ringing from the sudden assault. The two of them continued to argue as Moondancer sighed, her face slightly red in embarrassment.

"Oh dear lord what have I got myself into..."

"And everybody, I have two new classmates for all you to meet!" The teacher announced to the class as Trixie and Moondancer stood there awkwardly. "Everybody, welcome Trixie Lulamoon and Moondancer!"

Did my first name just evaporate or something? Trixie thought in his mind.

"Any questions for the newcomers?" The teacher asked the class. Trixie remembered her name was Cheerlie, and was the assistant teacher, though Trixie couldn't figure out how a 14 year old got a job as a assistant teacher.

Glee... Is that even a real wo-

"Me teacher! Me! Me!" A yellow hand rockets upwards, shouting and jumping in her seat.

"Okay D.D, what's you're question?" Cheerlie asked.

"Are you two related?" The filly asked.

"Nope."
"Nuh uh." Both of them asnwered simultaneously, making the foals in the room doubt their denial.

Another hand goes upwards, "Uh, if you two aren't related, then why are two fillies joining our class this late in the year?"

"Filly what now-"

"Excellent question Bon Bon!" Cheerlie interrupted Trixie, "Well both them actually recently moved into our town, so they had to switch schools!"

"Entirely false-"

"And I've heard," Cheerloe once again interrupted, this time the interrupted being Moondancer. "That they're really, really smart!"

"Psh, yeah right-"
"Bon Bon, I think you're gonna get competition-"
"But are they as fast as me? Spitfi-"
"Hopefully I don't need to fix anyone's teeth-"
"Really!?-"
"Aw shucks, not another one of them smarty-pants-"

The foal's voices were like a river. You literally could not stop their flow. Cheerlie, being the good "teacher" she is, tried to get the class to quiet down, but utterly failed after a few minutes. She let out an tired sigh, an obvious sign of the disease called "Being tired".

"Why are these kids so smart yet so dumb..." Cheerlie said in her mind.

"Let's just... Sit over there." Trixie whispered to Moondancer, pointing to two vacant desks. The kids, of course, completely forgetting the two exists after an outstanding 3 minutes.

"So... School huh?" Trixie whispered to Moondancer, the surrounding noise almost deafening.

"Yep." Moondancer replied.

"Really?! You guys had to choose to sit next to me?" A certain cyan filly exclaimed. "I know I'm awesome and all but you didn't have to sit to the left of me!"

"Shut up!"
"Shut your trap."

|In the present|

"And that's how I started school." I said to the buttery colored looking mare infront of me. "And, no, I will not be doing the writing style of 'What is Love' anymore."

"... The fuck are you talking about?" D.D asked me, to which I responded with a smirk and a 'blehhhh!'. "I'm gonna ignore that..."

"As thou should." I said, mimicking a noble accent. Reminds me of someone... Eh.

"Also, is that it?" Daring asked. "I mean, you just skipped 5 years of your childhood, and another 5 of your school years!"

"Well, actually, I'm 13 so that math isn't correct." I corrected.

"... You went to school at 5. And you're now entering Highschool." Daring said. "Nothing makes sense!"

"Or maybe both of us are just dumb."

"Just... Shut up and get out of the room Trixie."

"Sheesh fine." I pouted, before getting up and opening the door.

"... Welcome to Canterlot Highschool Trixie."

"And welcome to Canterlot High too, Daring doo!" I shouted before slamming the door closed. Daring stayed silent though.

"Hey! You with the bacon hair." I said, to the person with the bacon hair. "It's your turn, the great and magnificent Trixie already told her complex and outstanding story to that bafoon, and it's now your turn!"

"One fire spell and your dead." She muttered back.

I flashed a quick grin at the emotionless bacon girl and jogged happily to my first class of the year, completely and utterly unaware of what bacon hair said.

'Another year to being lazy, baby!'

Page 1

Author's Note

Yellow hello! Now, now. This might've hit you like a car that was going 1000kph, but I have a new series!

Aka, this will PROBABLY replace Hey sombra.

Some context for this world. Don't worry, most of the world is told by the background.

1: Ponies stand on two legs, and has hooves on their feet. Their hands are the same tho.

2: Griffins stand on two legs too, with claws replacing hands and chicken feet replacing, well, feet.

3: Yaks (and buffalo) are the only creatures that walk on four legs. Most yaks are in russia, and most buffalo are africa. Don't ask me why they're in africa.

4: Dragons, buffalo, and changelings are all in africa. All it's basically a wasteland now, much like the Badlands in Equestria.

Chapter 2: Ahem.

No way José!

Chapter 2: MUSSSTARRRDDDDDDDDD

"Bilatibay! Ano man ni nga eskwelahan man?!"

.
.

|A day after the interview|

"Now we see here that crime rates have surprisingly spiked this month, as news of terrorist attacks across the country seemed to have emboldened criminals-"

"This is boring." Trixie mumbled under his breath.

He was currently in his home, watching T.V while munching on popcorn that he bought from the supermarket last summer. His home, to him atleast, was a little two story cottage that his father bought him.

The home was a fairly large house, with the exterior of the home looking like a mix of american style wooden houses and modern houses that Trixie is convinced are money laundering schemes. The windows was mainly where the modern house aesthetic showed itself, with them being big planes of glass that made the house look vulnerable and unsafe.

The glass was made to withstand bullets and was enchanted to hell and back.

All of that is without mentioning the backyard that's the size of three houses. So, overall, it wasn't really a cottage that Trixie thought it was.

"Now onto more lighthearted news, it seems that the Union of Creatures has announced a student exchange program with the United States. While the school is unknown due to privacy reasons, it is confirmed that the student is the russian academic Sun- Bzzz"

"Wonder what's on channel 57.9..." Trixie said, yawning at the end due to boredom

While school was only a day away, Trixie couldn't help but not be excited. Now, he always heard from hus parents and literally everybody else that, "Highschool is the best time of your life!" he really didn't believe that.

'I mean, really? School? A good time? Those words do not combine.' Trixie thought.

"Good morning, young master." A voice from just behind him spoke up, somewhere around in the kitchen. "I see that you're excited for highschool."

"Really, Moon? Me? Excited?" Trixie said to Moondancer. Her name was too long, so Trixie ended up shortening her name.

"Yes. Proven by the fact that you're eating popcorn, instead of your usual chicken wings." Moondancer replied, grabbing a pan and starting to prepare breakfast. "And by the fact that you're not snoozing up in our bedroom."

"Well... I guess you're right, Moon." Trixie said, now walking up to Moon and looking over her shoulder.

"As always." She said, with a neutral expression. "And before you ask, I'm making toast."

Trixie snickered behind her back, before helping her prepare breakfast. "You know me too well, Moon."

As they were silently preparing breakfast, Trixie had an uncharacteristic serious expression, seemingly using his brain for once.

"What is ailing your conscious, young master?" Moon said, breaking the uncomfortable silence.

"Your way of speaking that's what." Trixie angrily grumbled.

"Now, now, young master. Be serious." Moon replied, already knowing that Trixie's complaint was a joke.

"Fine." Trixie huffed. "It's because of the magic test that's gonna happen tomorrow."

"And why is that worrying you?"

"It's... Remember my last magic test?" Trixie said, looking away from Moon.

"Yes, yes. Oh how I remember it as clear as day." Moon said softly. "You were bawling your eyes out while your parents tried to comfort you. Getting a completely black reading is devastating, a zero..."

"Yeah..." Trixie replied, his tone as energetic as a dead fly. "Meanwhile you had a purple reading. I remember hundreds of reporters crashing through the crowd when they saw that."

"Not a pleasant memory. Especially after that other filly got a purple reading." Moon softly replied, the memory making her shiver. It stayed silent after that.

"Remember the jingle kids! Black is sad, blue is right! Yellow then green but purple is might! Remember that kids! Next up, we're going to learn complex algebra!"

A sense of unease crept into that morning, not leaving until the next day.

|Next Day.|

"The program will begin shortly, thank you for waiting."

"Dammit, I can't see from here..." Trixie mumbled under his breath.

"You know, young master. I don't get why you just don't hold on to me while I float." Moon said, floating above Trixie a good few feet. There were many others doing this exact same strategy, and almost all the pegasi were flying.

"You know I'm scared of heights!" Trixie shouted at Moon. "And I'm still mad about you convincing me to wear a FUCKING SKIRT."

"Aww don't be mad now," Moon floated over to Trixie, getting dangerously close to his face. "You look cute young master~"

"... You know you're only smug because it actually works on me, right?" Trixie had an unimpressed look on his face, causing Moon to deflate slightly.

"Can I please just have this one, young master?" Moon grumbled, floating back up to her original position. "And you can't argue back because the program is starting."

"You fucki-"

"Hello, Canterlotians!" A mare teleported onto the stage of the stadium, and announced on the mic.

"HELLO!"

"I see that you're all very excited! For those who don't know me, my name is Celestia L. Star, the head principal of Canterlot High!" Celestia was a outstandingly tall unicorn, clocking in at 6'8ft with a coat so white you could see your future at certain angles. She had a aura of beauty that made the fans of Tailor Swift rethink their allegiance.

After her intro, shouts of praise and adoration filled the air of the stadium, with Celestia awkwardly trying to calm the audience down. After the crowd was fairly tamed, Celestia continued on with her speech. Trixie, being bored, noted that the surrounding ponies around him were familiar in a sense. He could see a rainbow tail flying above him, a stetson far in the distance, a wild boing sound from behind him. All in all, his surroundings was pretty strange.

"But without further ado, since I know all of the students here are quivering with excitement, let's get on with our program!" Trixie blinked owlishly, surprised at himself because he somehow missed an entire speech. A flap of wings alerted him of somepony behind him, and before he could react-

"I see even after elementary you're still wandering in the clouds, young master." Moon giggled behind Trixie, causing him to blush and smack her on the face. "uumph And I see that you're use of violence hasn't changed also."

"Shuddap."

"And to start with our program, we unveil to you..." Celestia suddenly teleported an object covered in a white cloth on top of the stage, infront of the many students. She suddenly grabbed one end of the cloth, and yanked! the cloth off, making hundreds of students gasp in surprise. "The magical tester 9000!™"

The tester was a large statue, easily dwarfing Celestia with it's 10ft structure. The statue was odd, however. It depicted a creature that looked like a Scrabble™ deck of letters formed in a grotesque depiction of what aliens think ponies are. As Trixie looked upwards, he noted the actual thing that was probably used as the tester up on it's claw, with it being a glowing sphere with three smaller circles circling it like a mini solar system. 'That statue is weird... Feels weird... It's like... Trixie thought, before shrugging it off and putting that though under the schizo thinking pile.
Oh how wrong I was
.
"This here statue isn't the actual tester itself, but it's this small sphere here." Celestia explained, levitating the sphere away from the creature's claws and into her hand. "This here sphere determines your magical aptitude when you place your palm on it, while the smaller spheres are here to identify what species you are, lighting up differently for Earth ponies, Pegasi, and Unicorns"

"Usually it's more complicated than that." Moon whispered in Trixie's ear. "Since we can technically categorize different species by different metrics."

"We learned this in school Moon." Trixie whispered back.

"I know for a fact you didn't listen to those lessons, young master." She sternly said, causing Trixie to shrink ever so slightly.

"Touche'"
Never learned the meaning
"Now, who will be the first to volunteer?" Celestia asked the crowd. A single yellow hand rose up with confidence. "Oh, we seem to have our first volunteer! What might be your name, miss..."

"Spitfire! Spitfire S. Trail's my name!" The yellow mare proudly proclaimed. With a mighty flap of her wings, she zipped towards the stage and next Celestia.

"Just place your hand here, Spitfire, and we'll see how much magical aptitude you have." Celestia explained.

"Well no shit." Trixie whispered to Moondancer, which the latter replied with a mighty slap on the head of the former.

Spitfire did as she was told and held her hand out towards the orb, her eyes fixated on the rapidly growing orb. It was nothing like she had seen. The orb switched between all of the colors known to human kind as seconds ticked by, until finally...

*Ping!*

The sphere lit up blue, signifying-

"Truly amazing!" Celestia exclaimed. "Spitfire here got Blue! An amazing first result! That signifies that Spitfire here's aptitude for magical is simply wonderful!"

-That Spitfire has a magical aptitude of atleast blue. Blue, while not being the highest, is still a color that many people treat as high level, as many ponies have magical aptitude of gray, which is the middle ground after black.

This will not come up in the test.
It did.
"Heck yeah!" Spitfire exclaimed happily, flying through the air in circles. "I'm the best!"

A cough rung out on the microphone, quickly making Spitfire stop and awkwardly look at Celestia. "Oh... Right. Uh. Yipee?"

"Ahem. Anyways, who wants to go next?" Celestia asked the crowd, which was answered when a few dozen hands shot up. "Well then, what're we waiting for? Let's get this show on the road!"

"C'mon c'mon c'mon..." The cyan mare muttered under her breath, as the sphere lit up and started to identify her magic. "Be as good as Spitfire, be as good at Spitfire..."

*ping!*

"YES!" She soared to the sky in glee, as the sphere lit up blue. "Rainbow Dash is back in action!"

"Well shucks," The orange apple farmer chuckled. "Never even thought ah'd see one o' these."

*Ping!*

"Nice."

"Well, um, I..." The yellow introvert mumbled, before hastily placing her palm on the sphere and closing her eyes.

*Ping!*

"Yay!"
"Heck yeah! Go Fluttershy!"

The meaty breakfast haired girl stared at the sphere, before confidently placing her palm on it. Her eyes were not filled with anticipation, but with concentration.

*Ping!*

"Perfect."

"I shall get you for this, Tia." The unicorn mare muttered under her breath. "No amount of cakes and ice cream shall protect you from me."

*Ping!*

"Here we go..." Trixie mumbled, his- her brrr hands shaking as she placed her palm on the sphere. The sphere that would determine her state in the brand new school.

". . ." The sphere... beeped, making Trixie's anxiety even worse.

*Ping!*

"..." Several gasps and snickers were heard from behind Trixie's back. "Well. You win some you lose some."

Trixie silently walked off the stage, and into the massive out-doors of Canterlot High.

"..." Moondancer silently stared at the sphere, as many others had before her. Though, this time, instead of the usual anticipation or dread that many of the students had in their eyes, Moondancer had anger. Anger at what? Anger at the ball maybe. Though, maybe it was anger to the gods for making her friend and not-weird master be the butt of every joke.

*Ping!*

Purple.

"По матушке России..." The mare mumbled in her mother tongue. "America is wonderful!"

*Ping!*

"Nice." The sunny mare then walked off, not before making some students think they're having a stroke. Two students that look the same is not normal.

"Darrrling," A angelic looking unicorn mare droned, catching the attention of her friend, a bubbly and energetic pink mare. "I know that you're excited but can you please put your palm on the sphere already?"

"But Rarity!" The pink and caffeinated mare whined. "Did you see the others that went before us? There's two mare that look alike! Oh! And there's this one stallion that got a black reading! And a mare that got a purple reading! Oh I'm so excited I could!-"

"Darling. Please."

"Oh fine..." The mare pouted.

*Ping!*

"Yay!" The pink mare exclaimed, before bouncing off to the next area.

"Now for me."

*ping*

"Welcome!" Celestia greeted another student as they walked into the massive outdoors of the school. "Welcome, welcome, welcome, wel—"

"Sheesh, does the principal ever rest?" Trixie asked, looking at Celestia still greeting students one by one. "I mean, it has to get annoying after a while."

"..." Moondancer only stayed silent as she blankly stared ahead, her mind preoccupied with certain thoughts. To this, Trixie only shrugged.

"Eh, you's always calculating when something happens. I'll grab you a coke in the meantime." After that he walked off, leaving Moondancer to her devices.

Though, not far from them, a single green mare's eyes shined as she hastily drew on a notepad. Her lips curving into a devilish grin.

"Perfect..." She mumbled. "A few more hours, and I'll finally show my greatest work yet."

To that, she laughed, before looking around and hastily scurrying off into the crowd like a cockroach. Never to be seen again... Atleast until next chapter.

CHAPTER 2 END

Author's Note

Now, you may ask:

"Why, Depressed, did you not include the magical reading scene last chapter?"

There's multiple reasons.
1: Last chapter was, admittedly, bloated beyond belief. The chapter was... Fine, but if it went longer, the pacing would've gone into deeper shit.

2: I wanted to leave the elementary section of this story ambiguous because, this is me being honest, I can pull plot points out of my fucking rectum. Writing children is not fun, because I do not know what it feels like to be an (american) child.

3: I wanted to focus on highschool and college part of this story. Yes, I could've added more backstory, but I've seen a lot of stories where it did the backstory first, but got canned half way because of motivation issues. This story will hopefully not be that.

So... That's it.

(Eris photo is not mine. I repeat. Not mine. If you are the creator of the image, contact me directly so I can delete the image if you want.)
(Eris photo is also a semi temporary pic, as I want to make my own version. Though, that will probably take a few decades since I don't like working with digital.)

What Trixie looks like

A pony with no magic? Hah! That's only in myths bud. Something that your mum tells you to make you sleep for 8 hours.