“Not that this doesn’t have the aesthetic of a proper evil hideout, but wasn’t there a better location we could’ve met?”

Tirek looked around at the locale. He, Chrysalis, and Cozy Glow were sitting in an opening in the Everfree Forest.

“Oh I’m sorry,” Chrysalis scoffed. “I guess I should’ve picked Ponyville’s Town Square to suit your needs, you lumbering meathead!”

“Really should’ve…” Cozy chimed in, fiddling with the messy patches in her mane. “I would’ve been happy not walking through this scary forest for an hour just to sit in the dirt.”

“That’s the other thing,” Tirek added. “Don’t you have a house here? Why couldn’t we just go in there?”

“HA! Nice try!” Chrysalis pointed an accusatory hoof at Cozy. “If you think I’m going to willingly let this fridge rat anywhere NEAR my house-”

Cozy immediately stood up to protest. “I’m sure Zecora and Daring Do are screwing every other day, just go feed off that! Why should you be hogging all the actual food?”

Tirek rolled his eyes. “And besides, I don’t know how you’re still hungry when you’re always so full of yourself!”

As Chrysalis grinded her fangs together, Cozy wordlessly raised up her hoof for Tirek to bump it.

“Do you want to stop being idiots or not?” she growled.

“What I want is that tub of ice cream you still haven’t opened since you bought it in July, you greedy-”

Chrysalis let out a roar, putting a hoof on Cozy’s chest and pinning her to the ground.

“Alright, fine!” Cozy said, more annoyed than scared.

“...Good.” Chrysalis returned back, turning towards Tirek. “Now then, Tirek, I’m surprised you managed to make it this far into the month.”

Tirek rolled his eyes. “It’s a wonder how you manage to seduce somepony when that’s your best attempt at a compliment.”

“Hey, he beat out Yona and Sandbar,” Cozy pointed out. “It’s worth something, at least.”

“Sandbar…?” Tirek thought for a moment. The name sounded familiar to him, at least. Then he remembered the party. “Ah! Him. A shame, that stallion was looking forward to me ‘destroying’ him at the orgy…”

Tirek noticed that Cozy and Chrysalis stared at him, dumbfounded. “...What? Is that so strange?”

“That someone would find you fuckable? Yes,” Cozy said without missing a beat.

Tirek’s neck twitched in annoyance. “Forgive me for not caring enough to keep up, is there some sort of lore that I’m missing out on?”

“Not really,” Cozy shrugged. “Now that I think about it, it makes sense. You’re definitely Sandbar’s type.”

“Oh? And what exactly is his ‘type’?” Tirex started flexing his arms, admiring his own biceps. “The rugged and devilishly handsome type?”

“Big,” Chrysalis dryly responded.

“Oh…” Tirek felt his ego deflate just a little.

Chrysalis looked back at Tirek, squinting her eyes with suspicion. “Did Sandbar actually say he desired you sexually?”

“He told me my body was ‘perfect for doing stuff’, and then referred to himself as ‘stuff’, so I’m fairly certain, yes. What about this do you not believe?”

Chrysalis first gave a preemptive smack to the back of Cozy’s head to stop her snarky comment. “I just recall how that stallion was too terrified to even speak with me last year, much less hit on me.”

“Because you’re sooooo charismatic and approachable…” Cozy grumbled, rubbing the back of her head.

“I suppose being several mugs deep in cider will shut down inhibitions,” Tirek shrugged.

Cozy and Chrysalis did a double-take. “What kind of bar were you two at?” Chrysalis asked.

“I wasn’t. We were drinking in Twilight’s castle.”

“WHAT?!” Chrysalis and Cozy screamed simultaneously.

Tirek nodded matter-of-factly. “Oh yes, Spike invited me and the rest of the guys for a party. ‘Boys Night’, is what he called it?”

“And you went?” Cozy asked.

“Well, if given the choice between getting drunk with a bunch of ponies or having to deal with you two sober, I think the answer is rather obvious…”

Cozy let out a growl, then sat back down as a shaky sigh left her muzzle as her wings spread out wide.

Chrysalis snapped her head towards the pegasus, “Well, that was a telling sigh!” She leaned in closer. “Don’t tell me you’re already losing your cool, Cozy!”

“I’m fine!” Cozy said through gritted teeth.

Tirek took the opportunity to get a closer look at Cozy. “Stiff wings, sweat running down your face…You look awfully worked up for somepony claiming to be ‘fine’.”

“How about I work Chrysalis’s head up your-”

“Red rubies! It really is you three!”

The trio’s heads immediately turned, seeing a dragon standing in the forest clearing.

Tirek and Cozy were immediately ready to attack, but Chrysalis put a hoof out to stop them.

“Wait, it’s just Pharynx’s girlfriend.”

Tirek gave Chrysalis a baffled look. “...So?!”

“Traitorous as he may be, I’m not going to deprive one of my former subjects of love,” she explained. “What is your business, Mina?”

The dragon awkwardly shuffled her feet into the dirt, trying to contain her excitement. “Well, I just…never really got the opportunity to meet all three of you!”

Tirek and Cozy exchanged confused looks. “And…why exactly do you want to meet us?” Tirek asked.

“Because villains are cool!” Mina blurted out. “I mean, reformed villains are more my jam, but you can’t be a reformed villain without being a villain first! And I know you guys don’t really consider yourselves reformed or anything, and your whole situation with still being able to participate in No Clop is really complicated and hard to explain, but-”

Chrysalis put a hoof up to Mina’s lips to stifle her before she continued rambling. “Get to the point.”

“Right! Sorry!” Mina sheepishly chuckled. “I…uh…maybe wanted to ask Tirek and Cozy a few questions?”

Tirek raised an eyebrow. First Sandbar, and now Mina. He was surprised at how many were taking such a vested interest in him. “Very well, you get three questions, so make them good.”

“Yeah fine, whatever,” Cozy shrugged.

Mina approached Tirek first. “Okay! Um…How are you feeling about No Clop so far? What does magic taste like? Aaaand would you consider being friends with Discord again?”

Tirek answered Mina’s questions in turn, holding up a finger for each respective question. “I’ve been doing quite well, and I intend to keep it that way, especially since those two keep making a fuss about the challenge. It has a variety of tastes, some sweet, some salty, a unicorn’s magic often has a sparkling texture in the mouth for example. And since Discord seems to be more interested in being subservient to those ponies, I doubt he’s even interested in associating with me ever again. Does that satisfy you?”

“Oooh, yes!” Mina aggressively nodded, before turning to Cozy. “Ok, Why do you say ‘golly’ so much? Do you actually play chess? And do you think Babs can make you better or do you think you can make her worse?”

“It makes it easy to come off as innocent when I say it. I’ve never lost a game yet. And Babs doesn’t really seem to have a capacity for anything worse than bullying or a prank, but I think I can change her mind…”

“Aaaah perfect!” Mina squealed with delight. “I’m sure you’re busy with other stuff right now, so I’ll just leave before I embarrass myself even further! Thank you! I really hope to see you all at the orgy!”

As Mina started backing away, Chrysalis stopped her. “Wait. How’d you even find us?”

“Oh, you’re like five minutes away from Zecora’s hut. And you guys are very loud.”

Author's Note

Who allowed these three to be unsupervised?