“Ugh…” Tirek pinched the bridge of his nose as he sat on Chrysalis’s couch, regretting all the life choices he made that lead up to this moment.

To his left was Cozy Glow sitting next to him on the couch, constantly fidgeting around and breathing heavily.

To his right was Chrysalis, trying to keep as much distance between herself and Cozy as possible.

Tirek looked over at Chrysalis, all the way in the kitchen, cowering like a housewife seeing a mouse scurrying around. “Aside from the usual, what is wrong with you?”

“We’re so close to the end of the month, and I refuse to fall victim to HER schemes again!” Chrysalis yelled, pointing an accusatory hoof at Cozy.

“I don’t know…what you’re talking about…” Cozy said through gritted teeth.

“BULLSHIT! I can smell it from here!”

Tirek leaned over, curiously sniffing the mare next to him, then shrugging. “She doesn’t smell any worse than usual.”

“Maybe she forgot to take her crazy pills this morning,” Cozy muttered, shaking her head.

“What does she mean by ‘again’?”

“Oh that,” Cozy smirked. “One year I did a bunch of nice things for a bunch of other ponies so that they’d give me their love. All of it overwhelmed the shit out of her and she lost it in like, a minute.”

“Nice,” Tirek chuckled as he pounded Cozy’s hoof.

“And that little demon is trying the same stunt again!” Chrysalis hissed.

“I haven’t done SHIT!” Cozy growled back. “You think I wouldn’t be bragging to you about everything I’ve done by now?!”

“Then explain yourself! Why do you have so much love and lust practically LEAKING out of you?!” Chrysalis was hesitant to take even a step closer, terrified of what being in Cozy’s general vicinity would do to her.

“You’re just imagining things!” Cozy insisted. “How are you even sure that I’m the problem? What if it’s this huge throbbing-hulking idiot over here?”

“Please!” Chrysalis scoffed. “You really think Tirek has a chance to find love from anyone aside from himself?”

Tirek immediately turned, taking offense at Chrysalis’s comment. “You’re still single too, you miserable, lonely wretch! Have you forgotten the fact that you live alone, or are you mistaking the voices in your head for company?”

Chrysalis exhaled heavily, trying to think up a proper retort.

“Besides,” Tirek started flexing his biceps. “I’ve discovered quite a surprising amount of admirers this month. Who do you have that would even give you the time of day?”

In a moment of introspection that even surprised Chrysalis, there were a few names that came to mind, though saying any of those names out loud to answer felt like an admission of weakness. “I…I, er…”

Chrysalis’s hesitation was all Tirek needed to hear. “Tch! That’s what I thought.”

Cozy had a small smug smile of satisfaction sitting down to the side, feeling a little relieved that she had Babs.

Tirek pointed his thumb towards Cozy. “Honestly, the fact that she managed to find a marefriend is a miracle.”

“Hey, I’m plenty lovable!” Cozy insisted, annoyed that she was being dragged into this conversation.

“Until they actually discover the real you,” Tirek scoffed. “Your cute and innocent act can only get you so far.” He squinted, getting another look at her. “...And even then, you’re not even doing the whole cute part that well.”

“I’ve been going through stuff!” Cozy said, fiddling with her mane to try and smooth it out.

“What that pony sees in you, I’ll never understand,” Chrysalis said, disapprovingly shaking her head.

There was a knocking at the door that caught all their attention.

Tirek turned to Chrysalis. “...Are you going to get that?”

Chrysalis only leaned to the side to glare at Cozy Glow, who wasn’t even looking her way.

“Ugh, fine.” Tirek rolled his eyes and got up to answer the door.

Now with a direct line of sight, Chrysalis bared her fangs at Cozy.

Cozy turned her head to see the changeling sneering at her. A few drops of sweat ran down her face, though it wasn’t from fear.

Tirek opened up the door to see Babs Seed at Chrysalis’s doorstep. “Ah, I recognize you. Babs Seed, yes?”

Babs was taken aback by the big hulking centaur answering the door. She flinched in surprise, but she still held her ground. “Yeah, and you’re Tirek, ain’t ya?. Figured Cozy would be somewhere around here, you see her?”

Tirek considered the possibilities. He could easily turn Babs away to annoy Cozy, though giving Chrysalis another unwanted guess was also just as entertaining… “Well, as luck would have it, she’s right inside.” He stepped aside to allow Babs in.

As Babs stepped inside Chrysalis’s house, the changeling scowled even harder. “Why did you let her in?” both Chrysalis and Cozy said in unison.

Tirek smugly crossed his arms. “Because she wanted to come inside.”

Cozy quickly tried to put on a friendly smile. “Uh…hey, Babs! What are you doing all the way out here?”

“I was lookin’ for ya. I’ve been getting real worried about ya and…” Babs trailed off as she could not stop looking at Chrysalis cowering a room over. “...Is she awright?”

“Not really,” Tirek smirked.

“You’re either very brave or incredibly foolish for stepping hoof in here…” Chrysalis snarled, still trying to come off as threatening.

Babs looked around at the company that surrounded her. “I dunno, my cousin kicked your ass before, so I ain’t that scared of ya,” she said with a cocky smirk.

Chrysalis wanted to step forward to confront Babs, but risked getting closer to Cozy in order to do so.

“Hey Babs, while you’re up, can ya get some food for me, will ya?” Cozy asked.

“Oh yeah, sure thing,” Babs nodded, walking into the kitchen.

“Maybe a cucumber or eggplant or-nope nope nope nope nope…”

“Hey, HEY! What do you think you’re-Get out! This is MY food, not yours!” Chrysalis protested as Babs started going through her fridge and pantry, still too paralyzed with paranoid fear to make a move.

Even if it wasn’t her fridge, Babs had a good feeling that she knew what Cozy would want. Probably a tub of ice cream, or some chips, or maybe some pretzels.

As she rummaged through, something caught her attention amidst the rest of the food stash. “Hey…where’d you get these apples from?”

Chrysalis’s heart stopped cold in her chest.

Cozy leaned over, confused that Babs would ask such an obvious question. “Uh…the apple farm? …Duh?”

“Awright, fine, but why is the bucket here? I’m pretty sure dis belongs to the Apples.”

Babs pushed the bucket of apples into view where Cozy and Tirek could see it.

Chrysalis had a notable look of panic on her face as Babs showed it off to the other two.

“Is it really that surprising?” Tirek scoffed. “Obviously she stole it so she can hoard up on apples whenever she likes, right?” Tirek looked over to Chrysalis, who seemed to be too paralyzed with fear to be confirming his theory. “...Right?”

Tirek and Babs both turned to Cozy Glow. If anyone knew about Chrysalis’s eating habits, it’d be her.

“I dunno, if Chryssie ever has apples at her place, it’s usually only a few at a time, and it’s usually the crummy ones that are already on the ground,” Cozy shrugged. “Only way I figure she’d have this many apples at once is if somepony just…gave them…to…her…” Her voice trailed off as she came to a realization.

Chrysalis saw Cozy’s smug grin get wider by the second. “No…No. NO!”

“Woah-ho-ho! No fuckin’ way!” Babs chortled. “You’re tellin’ me one of my cousins has a crush on Chrysalis?”

“Or that she has a crush on one of them…” Cozy said with a diabolical chuckle.

“I must say, I assumed you’d still be delusionally pining for Shining Armor and or Cadence,” Tirek noted, trying not to let his smugness show too much.

Chrysalis went into a cold sweat, but her entire face was burning hot. “SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!”

Author's Note

This is the strangest "meeting your partner's parents" plot I've ever seen...

Local parasitic bug who once delighted in manipulating others out of love now fears any sort of kindness out of fear that reciprocation will make her look too sparkly.