Almost Got 'Em

by Chrome Masquerade

Rating: teen
Tags: Other, Queen Chrysalis, Discord, Violence, Slice of Life, Alternate Universe, Iron Will, Trixie, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 2174

Villains discuss who got the closest to victory. Over a game of cards.

It's Poker Night and Discord has found a way to let all of the villains chat with each other. Over a card game. Then the topic comes up: Who was the closest to victory?

Who almost got 'em?

Based on the same idea of the episode of Batman: the Animated Series - Almost Got Him

Published 2024-10-31 23:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2024-10-31 23:30:01 UTC

The Night of Nights

It was Poker Night again. This time, some of the greats were here: Nightmare Moon, Chrysalis, Discord himself, Sombra (some of him, anyway), and some of the not-as-greats, such as Iron Will, Trixie and Gilda.

The game was Oklahoma. Discord had wanted to play Dragon Poker instead, but majority ruled otherwise. Since there were so many of them, they were playing with two decks.

Recently, Discord has discovered a way for them all to get together. It didn't take much, really. Just a flicker of Chaos Magic.

Nightmare Moon placed the blind first. "Is our last not coming?" She asked as the cards dealt themselves.

Discord raised an eyebrow higher than necessary. "Tirek? No. He apparently is reconciling with his family."

Iron Will placed his bet. He snorted gruffly. "Ha. Good luck with that. As far as I've heard, they weren't pleased with him. At all."

"You seem rather well informed, Will." Gilda said, seeing the blind.

"I know how to keep my proverbial ear to the ground." Iron Will replied.

Trixie decided to raise by one. "I know that it's important to keep listening for rumors." She stated.

Sombra grumbled as he saw the raise.

Nightmare Moon looked to him. "You seem rather put out, Sombra. Whatever is the matter?"

Begrudgingly, Sombra replied. "I can't stop thinking about those accursed Elements of Harmony." He nearly spat the last three words. "I almost won, that time!"

Chrysalis smirked. "That's not how I heard it."

Sombra hissed, his eyes glowing red. "I haven't heard of you getting any better results, Chrysalis."

She frowned as Discord raised again. But she nevertheless saw it.

Discord tried to assuage the other two. "We all have our own story, right?"

The first three cards (the Flop) were flipped.

Nightmare Moon saw the raised value. "Yes, don't we all." Then she had an idea. "While we are all here... Who got the closest to defeating them? Who almost got 'em?"

Discord rolled a pair of hitherto unseen dice, with nine sides. "That sounds like a lark. Trixie, why don't you start?"

Trixie shrugged. "Not much to tell, really. My first trip into Ponyville ended as a total flop. The second time, though... I came back wearing the Alicorn Amulet."

Eyes widened at this.

"Yes, it made me incredibly powerful. But every time I cast a spell, it sent me deeper into darkness!" She decided to tease a bit. "Within a few more days, I might have become like Sombra. My defeat was less humiliating, though."

Sombra snarled at that.

I was able to cast so powerfully..... I practically had Ponyville at its collective carpuses. But Twilight was able to trick me into taking the Amulet off! Apparently, it's kind of a double-edged blade. I became incredibly powerful, but having it on made me more and more power hungry. I wanted what Twilight had, which I thought was more powerful.

Trixie saw the value.

Discord rolled the dice again. "Chryssy? Your turn."

Chrysalis frowned at the nickname, but said, "Fine. I will."

The wedding of Princess Mi Amore Cadenza and Shining Armor. I had that stallion wrapped around my hoof. He was only able to keep the shield up as long as he did because I let him.

By this time, everyone had Called and the next card (the Turn) was flipped. Nightmare Moon scowled, "Ah, I fold." She said, tossing her cards down.

Chrysalis continued.

Things were nearly perfect. I had just about everything planned; I had my minions bashing up the shield. I even had some guard the Elements of Harmony in case something should happen. Somehow that purple Pony punk managed to escape from where I'd imprisoned the real Cadence. I was hoping that she would, in her frustration, shoot first and not ask questions at all. She would have done the work for me. But she did manage to get there in time to crash the wedding. And at just the right time, too! By then, it was too late. My minions were beginning to break the shield apart. They swarmed the city, I even had Celestia podded up. Her subjects were around; she wasn't able to use her full strength. We were so close to victory! But then, somehow, the bond between the two soon to be newlyweds somehow managed to give them enough strength to expulse me along with my entire swarm!

Iron Will said, "But there's more to it than that, isn't there?"

Chrysalis nodded. "Oh, you bet there is."

There was another time that I managed to imprison those six Ponies and also Celestia and Luna. However, I suppose I underestimated how the country that Celestia designed works.

Discord nodded. "Oh? Do tell."

in the country ruled by Celestia, it seems that even if the main Heroes fall, there will always be another to replace them. And if they fail, there will be someone to replace them. You could probably whittle the cast down until only the foals are left, and they'd still be willing and able to step up to the proverbial plate.

And there was also that traitor, Thorax. He was never one of the more accomplished Changelings anyway. Apparently, he didn't like it where he was, and so he went rogue; went off by himself, severing himself from The Hive in general. He came back with friends. Go figure.

However, after my defeat, they didn't actually outright want to kill me. Instead, they reached out to me. It took me a long time to consider, but at length, I accepted. (1)

Briefly, Chrysalis transformed with a flash of green, revealing her new form to everyone there, before quickly reassuming her previous form. "At first it was a bit embarrassing, but I'm slowly getting to like it. " She scowled for a moment. "As much as that hurts to say."

Discord rolled the dice again. "Moony? Your turn." Nightmare Moon nodded.

It had been a long time since I was in Equestria. A very, very, very long time. Approximately a thousand years, to be exact. That was on the day of my sister's Summer Sun Celebration. When I crashed the party, I was able to send all of those little Ponies fleeing for their lives. However, six of said Ponies (take a guess who) went to find the Elements of Harmony. They somehow managed to get past all of the traps that I'd set before them. I was hoping that one of them would have killed them, or at least caused them to reconsider. I was on the cusp of bringing night eternal. I even had Twilight Sparkle nearly at my mercy. I thought that I'd shattered the Elements, and that they couldn't take the power from that.

Sombra chuckle at that. "I made that mistake too. I got blown to bits for that."

Discord pointed at him. "We will get to you when the time comes." He admonished.

Nightmare Moon continued.

Then there was some time after that. Luna had created a... Sort of demon that would constantly give her nightmares, because she felt guilty about what she did while under my control. She called it her Tantibus. She made it from a piece of my essence. Which might have been her downfall.

Gilda put it together. "Tantibus? That means Nightmare, doesn't it? And Luna means moon..."

The named mare grinned, flashing her sharp teeth. Then she continued.

Put shortly, it was nearly able to enter the waking world. If it managed to, it would have been easy to take over the land. It was powered by her guilt. And got more powerful the more guilty she felt. It would have allowed me to completely take back my powers. However, due to our six nemeses...

Nightmare Moon scowled again. "And now she has me bound to her will."

Briefly, a flash caused her to shift into the form of the lunar princess. "And don't you forget it!" She said, before leaving.

Nightmare Moon hissed. " I really hate it when she does that!"

By this time, the final card (the River) was flipped. Everyone had checked.

"Lay them down." Discord said.

Iron Will had a straight. With aces high.

Gilda had a flush.

Trixie had a flush as well.

Sombra and Chrysalis both had a full house.

Discord also had a full house with kings high. He won the pot for the round.

As the cards dealt themselves again, Discord rolled again. "Sombra? You're up."

Well, it was a bit after the Crystal Empire had returned. I came back with it. That Mi Amore Cadenza witch was holding a shield over the city. My influence was slowly seeping in, however. If it had taken much longer, The shield would have shattered entirely. Then I would have been able to enter at my leisure and take over once more at the height of my power.

That Twilight Sparkle character somehow managed to get past all of my traps. I had a door that require dark magic to pass. I had another door that caused you to experience your greatest fear. Even where the Crystal Heart was, I had an enchantment on the area that would tell me when it was about to be reached and would allow me to send some of my power there, trapping whoever managed to find it there. Did I mention it was teleport proof as well?

Chrysalis pointed out, raising the bid, "No. You didn't.

Sombra growled. "That was rhetorical. Anyway..."

I also added a caveat to the spell that anyone who managed to grab a hold of the Heart would not be able to bring it back to the center. What I didn't account for is that that purple priss thought to bring along her dragon, as well.
He was able to leap from the top and get the Crystal Heart back to its right place. I remember feeling like I was getting torn apart. I can't remember much after that.

Discard rolled again. "What have you to say, Iron Will?

The Minotaur brushed that off. "Ah, the closest I got to defeating them was getting that yellow Pegasus, Fluttershy to become "assertive"."

Trixie asked, "Didn't work out?"

Iron Will shrugged. "Actually, the exact opposite; it worked way too well. As a result, she became cruel and way too assertive. I think she was repressing some anger, before."

There were some chuckles at that.

"She eventually came around. She told me that she wasn't at all satisfied with the result. I didn't even get the money that she would have owed me. But, as far as I've heard, it also did her some good. Isn't that right, Discord?"

"And I love her for it." Discard said, with a smile. "Speaking of, I believe it's my turn."

This time Gilda won the hand with a four of a kind.

When some foals started arguing while they were around my statue, there was suddenly enough Chaos for me to escape slightly after that.

I was able to trap Celestia in a frozen state. A little like she did me. I also made her sister into a filly with a speech impediment.

There was outright laughter at that. Next to Discord's head, there appeared a picture that said "#Woona".

Still, being the sporting type, I gave our nemeses all of the clues that they needed. They chose poorly. One by one, I was able to pick them off. I was able to make them the very opposite of the virtues that they embodied. Applejack became dishonest and shifty. Pinkie Pie became depressed and mean. Fluttershy became... Somewhat like when Iron Will trained her. Rarity became obsessed with a big rock. Wanted it all to herself. As for Rainbow Dash, I made her basically abandon her friends to save her home from a perceived threat.

Nightmare Moon grinned at that. "How fiendishly clever."

As for the purple Pony herself, she became depressed and hopeless when her friends lost their light. However, apparently Celestia put a contingency in order. I'm not entirely sure what happened, but she was able to restore her friends to their proper alignment and then also activate the Elements to trap me in stone once more.

Gilda pointed out, "I suppose for each of us our shared weakness is hubris. We were all too proud; too confident that we were unbeatable."

They all sighed at that. That was absolutely something they could all agree on.

As they checked for the final time this round, they all started to lay down their cards. That round they all had put in a substantial amount.

Trixie smirked. "Royal flush."

"Aww!" "Rats!" "Feathers!" "Figures." "Sod it all!" "And I had a pretty good hand too."

Quod erat demonstrandum.(2) Some things just never change.

Author's Note

1: A little different from Canon.
2: Figuratively speaking, that's basically like "See what I mean?"