Dear C.
There has never been a single day or night that I don't feel your presence. That ever glowing radiance and pure love I feel when I see your face. I hear bells in my chest as I hear your voice. Your soothing eyes watching my every move, hoping and waiting with bated breath. You let me speak my troubles to you and hear your encouragement that you give. That caring and careful voice that makes me perk up regardless of my day. The voice that brings me calm and comfort beyond measure.
You bring joy to those around you wherever you go. Many look up to you. Some even worship you. But I know that's not what you want. For me, I want to hear your laugh, the way your hair catches the light just right on a cool day. The way you look at me with sincerity, almost like a longing to help who is speaking. No matter how stressed or drained you are. Your ability to continue trying, is what gives me strength to carry on. When I think about you, it feels like I'm dipping into a hot spring, a hot bath, a deep cleansing to help remind me that things will be ok. A smile always appears on my face when I’m lost in thought about you.
I want to wake upon the morning to see your smiling face greeting me. To feel your heartbeat in sync with mine. Your warmth reaching to me like rays of sunshine. To know your waking dreams, to be a part of them. Seeing you laying beside me to know that I can always turn to you in my time of need. Something I wish to provide for you. The sun herself always deserves some warmth in return. I want to stay together like gravity upon the globe. To follow you in your steps every step of the way.
I’ve always seen you go about your daily routine, a routine filled with the same old dribble. I notice how you longingly stare at the clouds above, wondering how free a cloud must be. I would want to be a part of that dullness. So I could make your day shine just a little differently. What you do is important and I wish to become part of your life to show how important you are to me. Your life, just like the sun, Is what I dream of greeting every single day.
Even If you worry your looks are not on par every day, to the nights of worry and weary. Loneliness and love sickness won’t keep me from loving you. I want to be by your side for it all. The highest of highs, to lowest of lows. I want to be here for you, to pick you up off the ground like you have done for me so many times before. Your life is full of mystery to me and I wish to unravel it like a tapestry. To read your history and be present for who you truly are.
I want to hear your dreams of when you were young. The adventures you had jumped headlong into. The long nights of paperwork, the uncertainty of your station. How and why each type of frosting for cakes should have their own categories. Your love of sweet desserts and the small things in life. The ability to sway a heated argument of a personal student. To show those that even if you disagree with them, that you can still reach across to them for mutual respect. I want to see what this lovely leader can do. Who has taken charge of my life, to bear witness, to what surprises she has for me. Being with you would bring a fresh experience every day. A new way to experience harmony together.
The love you share for your younger sister is also inspiring. To find solace in her return must have brought you to tears. Tears that I wish I was around to help dry. Your heart has opened for many in your life and I hope to be the next one to be let in. You have made hard decisions, extremely dire and hard calls. To make those decisions and never know the outcome of most of them. I want to fight back your fears, your tears and worries. To know that whatever you do, is for the good of all. I want you to realize that I'm here to give you love during these times. During times where you believe you don’t deserve it. That you don’t deserve it for what you’ve done in your past. My sun will always deserve my love, no matter what weather will come.
Your wish for harmony in all things is a noble pursuit. A pursuit that I have also taken up in my life. A life that I'm sure you are super curious about, maybe even just a little bit.
You may never truly get to know me for who I am. I want to expose my heart to you. I would do anything. I will always say nothing to stay your friend. But for you, wishing to unbar this mask you don every day, I know I can give it to you. I could never wear a mask around you. I want to sing your praises from the sky, to the humble ground. For the person behind your mask is what I love. With this letter, I have said a lot of things I can never take back. Not saying these things is what I would truly regret instead of never getting the chance to.
I am just a secret love, nothing more. Nothing less. I don’t want words to be left unsaid.
That heart you show to me in our private moments. A heart made of the most precious glass. A heart I want to protect with my very being. Your heart is too pure and beautiful for me to break, I would want you to stay as happy as you make me every day. For years, even after I’m gone. That my presence could bring something to remember. To know that the embers of my love will never die out for you.
I would be honored to light that fire in your heart, my sunshine.
Your eternal flame.
