Shattered

Are you there? Can you hear me, child? I hear the strange voice say in my head…

“U-um, yeah? Who are you?” I say at a low volume, towards my ceiling in the dark of night, as I felt the soft mattress against my back and lay in my room…

My name is Lorath and I am a demon goddess… I see your life lacks purpose. Tell me child, do you need direction?

I frown as that almost seemed like an accusation? “What do you mean?”

The voice chuckles, I mean you don’t appear to have much reason to exist, do you not? You went to work today, came home, ate dinner, got stoned, and went to bed, isn’t that right?

“Well, why not? There’s no reason to be awake anymore… I went to work and burned a joint… My day is done!”

Yes, and you also seem to be in pieces, isn’t that right?

I blink, “What do you mean? And just where did you come from, anyway? How do you know about me?”

I mean your mind, child! You seem to be fractured?

“That didn’t answer my question! What do you know about my mind?”

I know a lot more than you realize and I also know that you can’t really remember so well past a certain point in your life, is that right?

“How do you know about my amnesia? Just who are you, Lorath?”

Why don’t we discuss this in person? Walk outside the room… I’m waiting for you here…

I keep my eyes wide while staring up at the ceiling…

I eventually flip off the bed with my wings, that soon come to my sides, as I step towards the door, in my dark room…

What sort of voice talks to me this way? What is waiting for me on the other side of that door?

I open the old wooden door to my left and stare out into the yard, surrounded by the other huts of my village underneath the dark night sky, and I beheld a strange alicorn 20 feet from my door!

In the pale moonlight and cool night air, she was midnight blue with a darker blue mane and tail, that seemed to ethereally leave her head and flanks into another dimension, while her eyes were simply piercing lavender sparks that stared deep into my soul…

Her lips never move… My name is Lorath, and I have an offer for you…

I gulp, “Y-yes?”

The wind begins to pick up and blow a few leaves to the left of the alicorn in my view… You’re mind is in pieces, child…

I furrow my brow and say to the alicorn, “What do you know about my mind?”

Her chin goes towards the ground, while her lavender eyes continue to bore into me from a distance… So many pieces are lost to you, isn’t that right? Segments of your life just missing in time?

I begin to frown with impatience, “What are you getting at, alicorn?”

I see the alicorn smile… If you agree to serve me, I can keep you together… You will never again have to resort to doing the things you were doing earlier tonight…

I frown, “What do you mean?”

Why, the drug use of course!

My eyes widen, “Wow! An alicorn is judging me!”

Her smile lowers…

Not judging, child! I’m commenting! I’m saying I will keep the pieces of your mind together for you…

“And I have to serve you?”

Yes! You will be my slave, true! But as long as you serve me, your mind can be kept together, and you will never want again… Do you agree?

I stammer to the side, “I uh, I’m not really… “

I understand it’s a big offer… You don’t have to decide right now! Just think my offer over, sweet Emily Cantor!

I will be back…

Suddenly, the alicorn is enveloped in a blinding flash of unreal blue light and I shield my eyes with my forehoof and keep my head to the side, before it stops shining…

I put my hoof down, and stare back at where the alicorn once stood, and see nothing there!

Did I imagine the whole thing?

Why did that feel so real?

“Hey, what are you doing out here tonight?” I suddenly hear a grizzled masculine voice say!

I stare to my left where it came from, and see a bearded old brown stallion there, with a burning filter cigarette in his mouth and a cheery grin on his face!

I breathe out, “Zeke! You scared the crap out of me!”

He giggles softly before taking the cigarette out, exhaling a cloud of smoke as he ashes with his hoof, and says, “Maybe, but that doesn’t answer my question. What are you doing out so late, young un?” and puts the cigarette back in his mouth for another drag…

I grin and giggle when I think about how I’m actually pretty close to middle-aged now, “Hey, not all of us are as old as you! You remember when Celestia first took her throne? Or how about back in the dinosaur days, with the cave ponies? Remember that Zeke?”

He giggles as he takes out his cigarette, breathes out smoke, and comments, “I love the way yer completely avoidin’ the whole question!”

I sigh, “I uh, I don’t know, okay? I um…” I breathe deeply in and out of my snout… “I thought I heard something?” before looking around. “I guess it was just my imagination playing tricks on me?”

Zeke grunts, and wheezes, before removing his cigarette and exhaling smoke, “Oh, the things you imagine often mean a lot more than you think! Of course, nothing beats the real world!”

I sigh and stare up at the sky to see all the stars twinkling down on me and making me feel insignificant, “It sure is beautiful tonight, isn’t it?”

I hear him exhaling another cloud, as he says, “Yup! Another reason I don’t mind coming outside fer my habit these days! It’s peaceful! Well, cept when it rains or snows! Then I just stand by a window!”

I smile, “Yeah! Well uh, “ and look back down at him, “you take it easy, alright?”

He removes his cigarette and nods, “I always do! And you don’t get too high now, y’hear?”

I giggle, “Well you know me” and turn to trot back to my hut…”

“Exactly why I’m telling ya not to go and smoke too much weed!”

<*****>

I wake up the next morning!

Time for wake n bake, and coffee! I think to myself as I get out of bed, and trot towards the kitchen area of my little hut…

I slap down some weed on the paper with my dark green wing, and use my hoof to arrange it in a neat line, before using my two hooves to roll it up from the bottom so it’s tight and seal with my tongue…

I close it up and put it in my mouth before taking it out to moisten and baptize it, and then put it into my snout, and grab my hoof lighter, to ignite in front of me, and inhale the flame to the end of the joint…

Lorath told me I wouldn’t need to get high anymore…

But that was fake, right? There is no Lorath, is there?

I feel the heat exit my lungs as I exhale smoke and remove the joint, and sputter and cough!

Why did she want me?

She said I was fractured…

She knows about my amnesia and she knows about all the parts of my mind I can’t reach anymore…

All the parts that don’t work anymore…

… She knows about how I’m broken…

I feel smoke exit my lungs as I use my hoof to ash the cigarette into a nearby glass ashtray I keep on a little table.

How does she know about me? I wonder to myself as I feel warmth going into my lungs again…

And how could she of all ponies, make me whole?

I exhale again, as I take a sip of the black coffee, in the white mug on the table before me, and ash in the ashtray…

I feel heat going into my body once more… How would she make me whole?

I need to finish up this joint and eat some toast on my way out the door…

I’ll buy lunch at the office, but I need to eat something now…

<*****>

I open the door to my hut, as I notice the sun going down on my left…

I stare at it and think, It was just a dream, right? I’m all alone here, yes?

I blink as I walk inside, and head to my kitchen area…

Time to figure out dinner, before a shower! Then, smoke time!

I take steps towards the table, where I see all sorts of fruits I got from the market earlier…

I smile while trotting… Red delicious apples it is!

<*****>

I put some more weed, onto a paper, and form it into a little line, parallel with the sticky portion, before rolling it that way, good and tight from the bottom, and then I lick the sticky portion of the paper, before rolling it up all the way to finish…

I lick it to baptize, before sticking the cigarette in my snout, and grab the red hoof lighter on the table, and igniting it in front of me…

Have you been thinking about my offer? I suddenly hear a dark voice say in my mind, as I taste the weed, and feel heat going down my esophagus…

I’m trying not to… I think to myself, as I feel the warmth in my now full lungs, that soon evacuates out of my mouth to fly all over the room as smoke…

I know you can hear me…

I exhale smoke, “Okay, maybe I can! Are you’re in the usual spot, right?” before bringing the joint to my mouth again…

Yes, and I see you’re getting high again…

I exhale a stream of vapor in front of me, “Okay, yeah! Kinda!” before bringing the joint to my mouth for another pull…

The voice chuckles… Have it your way, Emily… I’ll be waiting here, when you’re done…

<*****>

The far wall goes in and out of focus, as I stare at it…

I snuff the roach out in the ashtray with my hoof, and turn to think…

And now you’re intoxicated again, right?

I bark at the wall! “No! Maybe? Shut up!”

The voice giggles, Come outside so I can see you child… I wish to speak with you some more…

Why did Lorath have to show up during my evening blaze? Like, she couldn’t wait another hour? I think to myself as I trot towards the door on the right side of the room…

CLIP CLOP CLIP CLOP go my hooves on the floor…

You’ll be taken care of, dearest Emily… You’ll never want again…

Am I about to serve a dark alicorn goddess? I ponder in my head, before opening my front door again…

And you’ll have a new reason to exist…

(To be continued… )